#fuck the fox movies for just putting them in spandex

[cherrysnax]

now that cw flash is over… cw barry’s suits kinda outdoes higher budget mcu suits everytime :/

[madlilsongbird]

Watching The Amazing Spidernan movies so that I’m all caught up before No Way Home. Will add my thoughts as I have them. Note I am not some big Spider-Man fan nor have I read the comics so if my thoughts sound kinda stupid they probably are.

First movie:

That’s a good trick with the broom. Making a mental note as we speak.

Actually seeing Peter say goodbye to his parents is horrible and I would like to never experience it again

SALLY FIELD IS AUNT MAY?! Why does this one have the good cast? (not good as in better but good as in more well known)

The sexual tension in “good morning flash…good morning Peter” (this is a joke I’m not shipping him with his bully)

Jesus roid rage much?

Shut your blinds! I don’t know who would be looking in your window at this exact moment but close them anyway!

First careful, you never know who is watching what you search (when did I become this person)

Second…curt connors is ableist.

Poor Rodrigo Guevara

Oh internalised ableism. And that is the only comment I will make going forward because my disabilities do not include limb difference and I dont want to overstep.

Stop following the man, you are not subtle…wait wtf how’d he do that?!

This is where he gets his powers right?

Okay but when would 5 men make that much of a fuss over a woman that only 1 of them seems to know?

Same. (This is in reference to smashing the alarm clock)

Oh my god is it really necessary to show all the different kinds of spider bites.

Actually just going back to the internalised ableism thing…he is allowed to feel whatever type of way about his own disability that is his right. But insinuating that all disabled people are weak and wanting to breed out the weakness is eugenics and just kinda gross. THIS is the final comment I will make on the matter.

No but seriously he is way more aggressive than regular teen boy aggressive so either he’s on something or he’s overcompensating for something

The way he looks at him doe (again all jokes am not shipping flash and Peter)

Why is this so awkward? And not like teens navigating a crush awkward just genuinely awkward. I feel no chemistry between them.

I like the song, it’s an interesting choice for this scene but I like it.

Stop does uncle Ben die now? Like I know uncle Ben dies at some point but I was really kinda hoping he just wouldn’t in this iteration. I was going for a ninth doctor moment “just this once everybody lives”

MOTHERFUCKER

God Sally is incredible

Don’t show me moments of Flash being human I might accidentally start shipping them for real and that simply can’t happen.

Oooh he’s a fashion designer

I just really enjoy how he takes the piss out of his victims? Arrests?

Is Gwen aware that the school nurse can’t cure everything? Both legally and just like generally doesn’t have the knowledge to cure everything. She suggests going to the nurse a lot.

This family gives me bad vibes

This is a long movie…it’s not even half way through

Well that’s one way to tell her

NOT GEORGE FOYET!

I think with what I remember of SpiderTobey and what I know of SpiderTom, Andrews Spider-Man is definitely better with the people he’s rescuing. Smoother, good bedside manner.

His sons name is Jack. Why does that make me angry?

So he’s just not gonna rescue the other people hanging off the bridge?

It’s almost poetic that the son of the man tried to stop him the first time will be the one to stop him now

Now how is he getting enough power in the sewer

No means no Peter

Does she die in this one or the next one? I don’t imagine her dying will help captain stacey see him as a good guy

Stan 🥺

This movie is exhausting and I don’t know if I mean that in a good way or a bad way.

MoThEr HuBbArD aRe YoU sErIoUs

He managed to get three whole words out and you didn’t think to ease up on the trigger a little to hear what those words might be?

She’s very clever and I will be sad to see her go

That wasn’t her scream. Or it was but from a different take.

Foyet about to be coming in clutch

I’m going to cry.

He’s so ugly. Some lizards are really cute but lizard + human, kinda gross looking.

Well shit. I didn’t know that happened. I guess what I said about him being upset with Peter about Gwen is irrelevant. Unless it isn’t, like if you believe in the afterlife, imagine how pissed he’s gonna be when Gwen arrives.

He finally got the eggs 🥺

As someone who’s boyfriend at the time didn’t go to her fathers funeral I feel ya Gwen. I mean I don’t care now but at the time it sucked.

Dr Connors was just in a silly goofy mood. He seems to show genuine care for the boy (this is mostly sarcasm).

Second movie

Oh we’re going back to peters dad.

How do they have access to a private jet?

Miss Honey is badass

Ngl I’m actually quite relieved they both died before the plane crashed. Stil devastating though.

Okay so this is first up on the list of potential mystery villains in No Way Home…he looks like a tool.

HeLLo PeDeStRiAnS

He really just let Spider-Man put his hand on his tongue. Sir do you know where his hand has been? Not to mention just in general the feeling of spandex on your tongue. I feel ill.

No respect for the proper care of plutonium.

Please don’t ever say “come to daddy” again 😂

I’m kinda sad Jamie Fox becomes a villain, his character seems kinda sweet so far from the 2 seconds I’ve seen of him

You mean to tell me he missed his girlfriend’s fathers funeral AND her valedictorian speech?!

Stan x2 🥺

Because you can’t lose me you’re going to lose me? 😂

I love her jacket

Why are they still pretending like she doesn’t know?

I may have spoken to soon about Max

See I would be speeding up daddy’s death if he told me he’d passed down a genetic disease and just decided not to tell me.

Friendship.

Okay max is still a little bit nutty but you gotta feel bad for the guy. He must’ve been so scared.

Don’t smile that’s not cute, if he was a regular boy you’d file a restraining order.

Oh I see Spider-Man is gonna fight him which will make him turn and become the “bad guy” whether he will actually be a bad guy is still unknown.

This scene is actually kinda just making me angry (the time square scene)

Cops suck man. Peter was talking him down just fine.

Did nobody teach these people not to touch metal when there’s electricity about.

Interesting that I didn’t pick up any chemistry from them in the first movie weren’t they an actual couple for a while?

Another good song with an interesting placement

I’m sorry did the caller ID not say Mary Parker? How was it Harry on the phone?

Run Gwen!

This version of Harry is kinda creepy I’m sure the actor is swell but the character is terrifying. Original version Harry was swell whereas the actor is…

“Maybe everyone has a part of themselves they hide” gives him the eye

This movies shorter or at least it feels shorter

An excellent show of what happens when you tell a rich daddy’s boy no for the first time.

This makes me very sad. She’s so excited for the possibility of Oxford.

As much as Harry disturbs me, I want him to burn his entire team.

His daddy really did love him!

I think it’s mostly his eyes, his behaviour can be explained by trauma (why I find Harry creepy)

Okay most of his behaviour. The taking joy in killing people that’s just him being nutty and not a trauma response.

This is fucked up. And where is Peter? he is off chasing a girl who has broken up with him twice now.

PLANES NEED THE POWER!

I really like SpiderAndrew, the movies are fine but as a character I thoroughly enjoy him

Sorcerers apprentice who?

Captain Stacy can’t blame him! She’s clearly stubborn as hell and her own free woman

I quite literally stopped breathing (in reference to the almost plane crash)

Is this why they made it Gwen and not MJ so that he could kill her and be an actual bad guy? From my little knowledge of the comics and what I’ve seen from the movies Harry would never hurt MJ so it had to be someone else important to Peter but not super important to him for him to a real bad guy

I like that Harry actually looks like a goblin.

What was the disease he’s supposed to have?

This poor family. I know I said they gave me bad vibes in the first movie but nobody deserves this.

He looks less like a tool with his suit on…but only slightly less

Baby you better get back behind that baracade!

Nobody talk to me I’m very emotional. This child looks very much like a magical mix of all 3 of my brothers put together and seeing him stand there so brave but so scared is doing something to me.

Final thoughts:

So I think SpiderAndrew might be a close second favourite for me. I like the relationships of the original the most, the comedy of the mcu version the most but this one was like a nice in between. Im a little disappointed there won’t be a third not cos I think I would have enjoyed it just cos the original had 3 movies, the mcu version will have at least 3 movies and this one is left out with 2. Don’t think I would have loved Shailene Woodley as MJ though so I dunno. I think the only thing I would have wanted from a third movie is to know who fedora guy is…and for Peter and May to acknowledge that they both know that he is Spider-Man. Apart from that it was fine and I now feel fully prepared for No Way Home.

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian one-shot “Spooktastic” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Sebastian fantasizes about Kurt showing up at the rink in the costume of his dreams.

And he does, but that depends on the type of dream ...

Notes: For those of you who will inevitably ask, yes, we had someone dressed in a giant lavender inflatable unicorn at our rink this Halloween xD

Part 49 of Outside Edge

Read on AO3.

“A bloody hockey mask?” Blaine snickers, sliding to a stop with enough force to spray Sebastian’s skates with snow. “As far as Halloween costumes go, isn’t that a little too on the nose for you?”

“What are you talking about?” Sebastian raises the red streaked and busted mask so Blaine can hear him clearly. “I’m not wearing a costume.”

“A-ha. Okay, Captain Edgy,” Blaine says rolling his eyes.

Sebastian doesn’t defend his costume choice. Easy is as easy does, and he’d rather be on the ice than wasting his time dressing up. He knows he copped out. So what that his costume is a little low maintenance? He doesn’t want to admit that he’s not into the gory side of Halloween. It’s a carefully guarded secret (so guarded, not even Kurt knows) that he hangs out at the rink and coaches on Halloween because blood and gut costumes freak him out – a residual fear from an episode years ago when Sebastian, alone at home while his folks were off on another of many ‘important’ business trips, decided to spend Halloween in his parent’s wine cellar watching every horror movie the satellite TV could pick up.

After the fifth movie, he’d wanted to call it quits, but he couldn’t bring himself to walk through the cold, dark cellar upstairs to the main house, so he hunkered down under the blankets he had brought with him and stayed there, eyes wide open, watching cartoons on repeat till his uncle came home in the morning.

Three straight nights of zero sleep followed, and he swore he’d never watch another horror flick again.

The rink goes all out on Halloween to give kids a safe place to Trick or Treat and enjoy themselves. The kids who attend more or less stick to store bought, cutesy costumes that are easy to skate in, so Sebastian’s hockey mask is pretty much the grossest thing out on the ice.

“What about you?” Sebastian gestures to Blaine’s gelled hair, his leather jacket, and his tighter than necessary (especially for skating) jeans. “You dressed like Elvis?”

“What?” Blaine looks down at his clothes, then back at Sebastian and grins. “I’m not wearing a costume.”

Sebastian scowls, but then bounces his head in agreement. “You’re right. I don’t think you are wearing a costume.”

“Hey! Have any of you guys seen Kurt? He’s supposed to check in by now,” Chandler asks, skating over with roster in hand, and wearing a giant, inflatable, lavender unicorn costume. Blaine, Sebastian, and the other coaches with them can’t help chuckling every time he waddles over. The consensus is it’s literally the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever seen.

But the kids love it so, in that respect, Chandler wins coach of the month.

Sebastian is grateful Chandler has the skating skills to keep him upright in that thing. It would suck to have to pick him up off the ice every five feet.

“I haven’t seen him yet,” Blaine answers, which annoys Sebastian thoroughly. In Kurt matters, Sebastian should always get the first say.

“He didn’t come to the rink with us,” Sebastian adds when Chandler looks at him with confusion. “He was still working on his costume when we left. He said he wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Ooo la la!” Chandler coos, grinning behind the clear panel in the unicorn’s chest that allows him to see. “I can’t wait to see what he comes up with this year! He has the best skating outfits on the ice. His Halloween costume must be epic!”

“Yeah,” Sebastian mutters dreamily, biting his lower lip and imagining the kind of costume his boyfriend might have come up with. Like Blaine, he favors tight shirts, even tighter pants, and dramatic makeup, which Sebastian never thought for the life of him would be a thing that would get his engine going. Makeup on boys seemed unnatural to him - a desperate cry for attention. But after seeing the looks Kurt comes up with, boy has Sebastian changed his mind! And not just about Kurt. About every boy who wears makeup. It never dawned on Sebastian how freeing makeup could be, how expressive, how unique.

And in Kurt’s case, how erotic.

Quite a one-eighty for a boy who never thought he’d date in high school, not to mention Ice Queen Kurt Hummel.

Sebastian can picture Kurt dressing up as a fox in a sleek velvet bodysuit with a fluffy tail. Or an elf, Lord of the Rings style - regal and strong in a tailored tunic and silver-blond wig. Or maybe something with Spanish flair, like a flamenco dancer or a Matador. (Kurt’s been really into Ricky Martin lately …. obnoxiously so …) Another coach on the ice is dressed as a peacock – teal blue spandex unitard covered in crystals and sequins, with a full tail of feathers attached to the rear that shimmies when she skates. Sebastian can see Kurt rocking that look, no question. That shade of blue would make his eyes pop.

And that fan of feathers would make his ass look fantastic!

Sebastian shifts from skate to skate, becoming antsy as images of his boyfriend in sexy Halloween costumes flood his brain, some of them as unoriginal as a box of bricks - sexy doctor, sexy lit professor, sexy crossing guard. But that wouldn’t matter, because on Kurt, a burlap potato sack would look hot as hell. Sebastian doesn’t think Kurt would opt for store bought though. Whatever he’s come up with has to be glamorous, elaborate, and bedazzled within an inch of his life. But if he shows up dressed as a sexy police officer, wearing aviator shades and carrying handcuffs, they may have to take off their skates and call it a night, because Sebastian wouldn’t be able to stop tripping over his tongue.

“Uh … Sebastian? Are you in there? Are you still with us?” Blaine says, waving his fingers in front of Sebastian’s eyes. Sebastian went catatonic the second Chandler mentioned Kurt’s costume, staring off into space and licking his lips as if he’s daydreaming about his favorite ice cream flavor. Blaine can’t help envying Sebastian’s relationship with Kurt. He does every single day.

Watching tough guy Sebastian Smythe drool over his boyfriend is too jealousy-inducing for words.

Sebastian shakes his head, snapping out of his stupor as a whiff of Blaine’s aftershave invades his nostrils with its overpowering scent of ‘tree’. “Ugh,” he groans, turning his head and scanning the rink, jumping from costume to costume, searching for his boyfriend. “Can you lay off the cologne a bit? I know it might be too late for you, but I want to keep my brain cells.”

“Fuck you, too, dude.”

Blaine spots him first. Of course he does. Sebastian knows Blaine sees him by the way his stupid eyes grow wider and wider until they take up three-quarters of his face, squeezing his mouth down to the vicinity of his chin.

“Oh … my … God …” Blaine chuckles, eyes darting from behind Sebastian’s back to his face. “Hi, Kurt.”

“Hello, boys.”

Sebastian hears his boyfriend’s voice and he smiles. His man is here. His moment has arrived. Sebastian glares at Blaine, who’s already backing away, a look on his face that Sebastian doesn’t know how to interpret.

“I think I’ll just … go this way.” Blaine laughs into his hand as he joins a small group of starter tots on center ice.

“See that you do,” Sebastian says, glad that, for once, Blaine can take a hint and skedaddle. He feels Kurt’s hands slide up his arms to his shoulders, caressing gently from behind. He can’t see Kurt’s hands, but that’s okay. He doesn’t want to see anything that will give Kurt’s costume away before he can turn around and get the full effect.

Sebastian tilts his head to talk over his shoulder. “Hello, handsome.”

Kurt drops a subtle kiss onto Sebastian’s ear. “Hello, yourself. So, what do you think of my costume?”

“I haven’t seen it yet,” Sebastian teases.

“Oh,” Kurt says, probably assuming Sebastian had caught a glimpse in the reflection of the windows as he approached. “Well, turn around and take a look.”

Sebastian doesn’t need to be told twice. He spins around with the enthusiasm of a kid hoping for a bike on his birthday but expecting a car. He’s prepared to see Kurt in skin tight spandex of some variety, with a wicked cat’s eye liner, and cheekbones contoured to cut glass. Kurt probably shimmers like a disco ball, a God in Swarovski crystals and mesh paneling.

It takes a few moments of staring, blinking, and gaping to comprehend the look that Kurt has put together.

When Sebastian does, he recoils.

“Oh my God, Kurt!” he squawks, stumbling backward over his heels and falling on his ass. “What the … what are you!?”

“I’m a zombie!” Kurt raises his arms and turns on his toe picks to give Sebastian a look at the final product.

“A zom---wha-what?” Sebastian’s eyes work overtime racing up and down Kurt’s body – the filthy rags hanging off his limbs, gaping holes torn through the fabric; his skin greying and ashen, the makeup done (brilliantly, Sebastian has to admit) to make his eyes and cheeks look sunken and rotting; his hair darkened and plastered to his skull. Considering how voluminous his hair normally is, it must have taken gobs of product to get it flat like this. Then there’s the blood - thick, black, greasy blood crusting at the corners of his mouth, leaking from his eyes, oozing out his ears and nose. He’d glued pieces of organs bulging from cracks in the exposed sections of his torso, a fractured bone splitting the skin of his forearm.

This look, so far removed from his usual makeup creations, definitely showcases the incredible talent of Kurt Hummel. It could have been done by a professional effects artist, it’s that detailed.

And it’s repulsive!

“Why would you wear that?” Sebastian cries, scooting backward to keep his boyfriend at arm’s length.

“Duh! It’s Halloween!” Kurt giggles. “It’s not like it’s Christmas or the fourth of July! We’re supposed to dress scary! You’re wearing a bloody hockey mask!”

A hundred remarks flash through Sebastian’s brain, but he can’t get a single one past his tongue, not with his boyfriend standing above him looking exactly like a putrid corpse! It’s not Kurt’s fault. Sebastian never told him how much ghouls and spooks and zombies terrify him. Still, he never pictured Kurt going full out gore for Halloween, not in a million years. Sebastian plans to tell him as soon as he can get Kurt alone, but that’s provided he takes that makeup off first. But Sebastian can’t ask Kurt to do that. It must have taken ages to do! He has to find a middle ground. He glances with his eyes from side to side until he finds what he’s looking for.

“Uh, I’ve got to … there’s somewhere … I’m going to the locker room,” Sebastian says, scrambling to his feet. “But, uh … I’m going to text you, so keep your phone on. Okay?”

Yeah. That’s it. He’ll text him an explanation. Through a locked door from fifty feet away! Not like that’s lame or anything.

“Come on, Sebastian.” Kurt puckers black, broken lips and obliviously gives chase. “Stop playing hard to get and give me a kiss!”

“Nope. No. No way, no how!” Sebastian says, crawling on his hands and knees when he finds he can’t stand, clawing at the ice to evade his boyfriend. “Kurt! Get away from me, Kurt, or I’m gonna cancel my ten o’clock!”