#fun fact if you look at my gallery from during the past gp +

[skitskatdacat63]

Cannot stop thinking about how Fernando was the first one to hug Seb after Monza 2008:

[averyevilunicorn]

The last academic year: a special edition

I’ve been feeling kind of down about how little I’ve done in my first year (courtesy of my assessors, who pretty much spelled it out for me), so I’ve tried to assess all that has happened. So...

happy arrival to the university to start my Phd in October

the announcement that my supervisor is leaving and that my department is closing

a relatively normal first term, with a preliminary semantic essay written, the text corpus assembled as well (ignoring the fact that it then changed)

my mother in a hospital in critical condition, with me being unable to go back to my country

intense pain and tendency to having constant vertigo since january

my mother getting better and my college starting to ask what the hell is happening in my department

accepted in a research group not that related to my doctorate, but the one i really wanted to get in

my first one-hour seminar talk, nearly losing consciousness in the middle and needing to take a break, but deciding to be tough and finish it

finishing the second term with 'i taught at high school about medieval history' being the most significant progress, though i've also written a first version of the paper for my transfer of status

an even stronger tendency to having constant vertigo during march and april, technical house arrest and 'if you ever faint, go directly to hospital'

a shitload of medical tests, diagnose of a slight B12 deficiency and suggestion to also visit a neurologist

my mild lactose intolerance has been transformed into a not so mild lactose intolerance

my department still can't decide what will happen with my studies

a bit of a needed health break in may, with a lot of research group workshops, one graduate conference and really exciting training with museum education officers

vertigo returns with a vengeance, inability to break repetitive motions for hours, inability to tolerate loud noises, one breakdown in my supervisor's office

submitting my transfer of status paper, attending teaching in higher ed training and then one cataleptic episode lasting 10 minutes and scaring the people around, all in one day

one out-of-hours GP visit and a ban on driving and cycling

my department still can't decide what will happen with my studies

one hospital assessment with other shitloads of tests, a long interview and 'i have a good news for you, i don't think there's anything wrong with your brain. i think you just might be autistic.'

all in all the third term was a strange one, and i've rewarded myself with visiting a nice conference in my favourite country and short holidays in Scotland, which went well except for airport breakdowns, but they're kind of the norm for me

my abstract got accepted for my first regular, not graduate-only conference (happy and scared - see, doc, sometimes i am actually able to identify my emotions immediately)

one assessment of my entire life at university's counseling services, 'had any one suggested anything about your behaviour when you were younger?' - 'well, my family always made fun of my speech patterns and my movements, my kindergarten teachers complained i prefer playing with objects rather than children, lack motivation for interaction with others and seem to not understand or willfully ignore instructions for group activities, i started school only at 7 since teachers previously didn't think i would be able to cope, and throughout the whole school experience there were loads of accidents involving wrong smells, wrong music and my overall 'oversensitivity' to pretty much anything, and... shall i continue?'

passing the transfer of status interview, in the same day (i'm starting to see where i'm possibly making a mistake) while being told i did good work, but i should be able to do more in one year (yeah, i wish)

with the help of the counselor, a 'fast-track' application for a referral to a specialist for a possibility of Asperger's syndrome

waiting to hear back

my mother's reaction: 'So I've tried to read what it is they're trying to diagnose you with... and it actually makes sense! every single weird thing you did i could never understand suddenly makes sense!'

one, for the lack of better term, epileptic episode caused by the sudden and unexpected use of a frigging stroboscope, several and shorter cataleptic ones (i don't think i'm ever getting that driving license)

the common practice of interacting with people while covering my ears almost all the time

explaining things to friends: 'you didn't want to speak with me, i don't know why' 'well i was holding my hand in a really odd position, staring past you without blinking and absolutely unable to move for several minutes even though you talked to me, maybe it was more than just not wanting to speak with you, i speak with you all the time' - 'well, it looked like you don't want to speak with me, it was kind of rude'

i have a new supervisor and it's actually someone i know and like, yay, and i do not need to move to a different university

waiting to hear back

So, yeah, this way it seems a bit better, since there were many times when I just wasn’t able to do anything. But the silent judgment was still kind of grating... Let’s just hope the next academic year is a bit more productive. And I should probably really get better at scheduling things.

And to talk about future a bit (motivation!), September plans include:

another meeting with my counselor, to discuss how to make the new academic year a bit less wild

updating my GP about my summer adventures, particularly the ‘it kind of looked like epileptic seizure’ episode

the great room change-over day, which i am really not looking forward (but i'm getting a nicer and more comfortable room, so i'm trying to think positively)

the final preparations for the gallery talk which i will be giving in autumn, stemming from our research group, and all other things associated with the exhibition

meeting with my new supervisor, to consult my plans for the new academic year

writing the paper for the conference

revising the syllabus for the high school history classes

reading, reading, reading (Patristics and Old Irish primary text mainly, the never-ending secondary literature reading list on medieval magic secondly)

really starting to write my thesis in a thesis format, not as a series of loosely connected essays on interesting topics