ttwt episode 2
“Last time, on Total Takes World Tour: seventeen teens competed in a marathon to the finish line… on an active volcano! Three teams ran across Mexico to reach the mouth of Popocatepetl and sacrifice their respective obsidian artifacts to the fire god, but not all went smoothly. In the end, Scruffy “sacrificed” their team’s win and let the Yaois slide to victory. Who will take home the gold next time? And who will be taking the drop of shame? Find out now, on Total Takes World Tour!”
Despite its luxury accommodations, plush seats, 24/7 fine dining, and all the perks and prizes, no one in first class is sleeping this morning.
The night prior was rough for first class. Or, rather, one person- Joner’s constant whimpers of fear every time Ass made eye contact with him, music from the aforementioned’s earbuds audible from anywhere in the cabn, Julia’s constant sleep mumbling, and the light from Mal’s- who, as it turns out, only sleeps for about two hours and forty five minutes every night- phone kept Courtney wide awake.
---
COURTNEY: “My parents both traveled a lot for work growing up, so I’d be left at home for weeks at a time. I’m used to total silence and darkness- the woods at Wawanakwa were one thing, but this? This is torture,”
---
“Well, that was refreshing!” Ass says, removing their sleeping mask and tossing it in the garbage. Courtney watches the bin, eye bags heavy, and makes a low groaning noise. “What?” Ass asks. “They’re disposable. My dad got them in Hong Kong.”
“OMG, is that like skincare?” Mal asks from where she’s nested on the floor. “I looooove eastern Asian skincare, I import all my products straight from Tokyo. North American lines are full of chemicals.” she states, matter-of-factly.
“What are Japanese ones?” Julia asks, rolling her eyes. “Mother Nature's piss?”
“They’re organic, duh. They’re like rice and stuff. Everything’s just better in Japan,” Mal sighs dreamily.
Ass and Julia both raise their eyebrows and Courtney passes out, slumping forward onto the ground.
---
Economy is quiet this morning as the losing teams slumber peacefully. Only one person is up by now, tiredly watching the rest of the teens sleep in.
Michela yawns and balances her chin in the palm of her hand while slouching forward. The cabin is quiet, and only the faint hum of the engines is audible over the snores and whistles of her sleeping castmates.
“Light sleeper?” a tired voice asks.
Michela shrugs. “More like early riser. You’re up, though?”
“This is about the time I get up for work,” Albert explains, slowly gesturing. “I can’t say my body feels the same, though.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, this isn’t exactly the nicest place to sleep in,” she says, kicking back and leaning against the metal walls of economy. “What do you do for work?”
“I run the Toronto Environmental Coalition,” he says. “It’s a volunteer advocacy group. We get donations to protect the environment. Prevent new land being developed, stage protests and boycotts. That sort of thing.”
“Oh, right. You did that… thing, with Chris,”
He pauses, the smile momentarily dropping off his face. “I suppose I did,”
“Hey, man, no hard feelings from me. Chris is slippery. I’ve heard he’s been in and out of jail for years,”
“Yeah, he’s been arrested a few times before. That was a part of my case file,” Albert says, looking off into the distance. “I swear I had enough evidence to keep him in jail this time. But it was… I don’t know, a cruel twist of fate,” he pauses again. “And now I’m here!”
Michela nods. “And now you’re here,”
Across economy class, Bonnie begins to wake with a long, drawn-out yawn and a stretch, and the conversation dies down.
“GOOOOOD MORNING, PLAYERS!” Chris’ voice blares over the intercom, startling everyone else awake. “Meet me down in the galley in five!”
---
The tired campers line up around the metal picnic table bolted in the center of the room, yawning and stretching. Courtney is asleep on the cold surface, no one caring to wake her.
“Heh, jet lag?” Chris asks, staring at the fallen soldier. “You guys look like you got hit by a bus.”
The teens grumble indistinctly, but Chris ignores them anyway. “I hope you’re all ready for some banging barbeque and technological advancements that’ll make you feel like you’re in the stone age back home- welcome to Seoul, South Korea!”
Mal squeals loudly, clapping her hands.
---
MAL: “I love love love love LOVE eastern Asian culture. I’m actually fluent in Japanese and learning Korean, and I’ve been begging my mom to take me but she says I would “embarrass her”, whatever that means. Plus, South Korea is basically just like Japan!”
---
“I’ll be giving you the know-how on your next challenge once you hit the ground,” Chris says, smiling brightly.
Ass crosses their arms. “That’s a weird way to put it,”
“Not really. In traditional World Tour fashion-” Chris pauses, looking around, and then sighs. “You know, I’m starting to miss that little highlighter. Anyway, in traditional World Tour fashion… Chef, care to do the honors?”
Chef grins and kicks the landing door open, sucking everyone but he and Chris out. The host grins. “Man, these lead shoes were a great investment,”
---
The teens scream as they fall to their deaths over Seoul, flying through the air as the plane becomes a distant speck in the sky above them. Between their shrieks of horror, a familiar bell rings out.
“Really?!” Ass shouts. “Now?!”
The bell rings again as if affirming, and the cast groans.
“You know, you’d assume we’d do an Asian themed song,” Mal says, crossing her arms. “As a master in Japanese culture, I find this highly offensive.”
“What’s your deal?” Staci asks sharply.
The bell rings again, louder. Chris’ voice rings out. “Less talky, more singy!”
Courtney- barely awake- sighs. “We’re singing as we’re falling!”
“And totally not stalling,” Julia picks up.
Joner screeches as he falls between the two. “As we’re about to inevitably die-ie-ie!”
“We might just end up smushed and gooey!” Patrick sings with glee.
“Emulsified and ew-ey!” Ass shouts.
Everyone joins in: “We should’ve done more before Chris lost his mind!”
The teens look between each other nervously and then pick up the song again.
“Millionaire!” Julia shouts.
“Derby champion!” Michela picks up.
“Make it home to see Caesar!” Bonnie yelps (and then promptly rolls their eyes at everyones Aws).
“Save the whales!” Albert goes on.
“Marry Jungkook!” Mal screams.
“Serve my Lord and savior Jesus!” Frollo states, matter-of-factly.
“Research psychologist!” Max says.
“Media apologist!” Phillip continues.
“Get my degree and my first kiss!” Staci shouts.
“Connoisseur!” Patrick shouts back.
“Design couture!” Kelly says merrily.
“And I think we’d all like to outlive Chris!” Ass says. Everyone shouts in agreement.
“But we gotta stop from splatting, the ground doesn’t have padding!” Bonnie shouts.
“And it’s getting closer every time we close our eye-eyes!” Austin screams.
“Flat into little pancakes!” Sha-Mod adds.
“Our bones about to bre-ak!” Joner whimpers.
“There are much better ways to die!” Courtney says.
“We'd really rather fly-y!”
“So let’s hope Chris is willing to provide:”
Frollo: “A pair of wings!”
Austin: “A jetpack!”
Max: “A wormhole!”
Bonnie: “A parachute!”
Kelly: “Waterbed?”
Staci: “Trampoline!”
Julia: “Airlift!”
Ass: “Time rift!”
Joner: “Trapeze net!”
Sha-Mod: “A dragon!”
Joner: “Wait, I change to dragon, too!”
Mal: “A hot Korean guy!”
Courtney looks down at the ground below them and sighs. “A giant bowl of rice?”
“There’s a million things to do, a millions things to do, a million things to do before Chris lost his mind!”
The free fall ends as the campers land in a giant bowl of rice. Courtney sighs. “Real creative,”
“OMG, Asian cuisine!” Mal says, her head popping up out of the rice. “Did you guys know that most Canadian restaurants don’t actually serve authentic food? Yeah, it’s totally westernized.”
Staci rolls her eyes. "Yeah, okay,"
"You're just jealous of my knowledge," Mal insists. "What's your problem?"
"I'm Japanese!"
Mal blinks. "Um... you don't look Japanese,"
"Well... I'm half Lebanese, but still. You're such a freak!"
"You're the freak!"
“Glad to see you all made it to the ground safely,” Chris winks as the teens begin climbing out of the bowl. “Welcome to Seoul!”
The camera zooms out to show the bowl of rice in the middle of a busy metropolitan area. Chris chuckles. “Your challenge today is a favorite pastime of Koreans-”
“OMG, are we doing a K-Pop challenge?” Mal squeals. “Or is it related to fashion- or beauty? I buy all my contacts from South Korea!”
Chris’ brow furrows in annoyance and he gives Mal a few more seconds of talking time before he slams his side into her, throwing her across the pavement. The Yaois sigh in relief and Staci salutes. “That’s better,” he says. “Anyway, as I was saying, today’s challenge is a favorite pastime of many Koreans, and was even licensing professional players of this popular sport back in 2000.”
“Wow, right before 9/11!” Joner says.
“Is that how you Americans really measure time?” Chris sighs. “Yes, before 9/11. Now, as I was saying-”
“Is it going to be contact-heavy, because my doctor told me I shouldn’t sustain any wrist injuries,” Staci says, flexing their wrists. “For typing.”
“If you’ll listen-”
“Move out of the way, wimps,” Patrick barrels through to the front of the crowd and flexes his muscles. “I was made for sports.”
“SHUT IT!” Chris shouts, forcing everyone silent. He coughs, brushes off his shirt, and speaks. “Today’s challenge is all about esports- AKA, competitive gaming.”
Most of the teens groan, with the exception of one- Bonnie whoops and hollers.
---
BONNIE: “Finally, something I know I can do,”
---
“Music to my ears,” Chris wipes away a fake tear at the sound of the teens’ misery. “If you’ll follow me, we’ll get you all set up.”
---
Chris throws open the doors to a massive stadium, earning some oohs and ahs from the contestants behind him. “This will be your playground for today. Now, esports are taken very seriously in South Korea, so let’s be cautious not to say anything offensive,”
The teams walk behind him as they enter the arena, looking at the thousands of empty seats. Ass elbows Mal in the ribs. “You’d better bring your a-game, miss Asia,”
Mal grins. “You can count on me!”
Chris leads them up to the stage, where a few long tables have been set up with PCs. “This is your first leg of the challenge- the classic multiplayer,” he says. “You and your teams will be competing in a MOBA- a multiplayer online battle area.”
“In traditional MOBAs, there are two teams, but we’ve added three just for kicks. Every contestant will have a class rank that’ll either help or hinder your team, depending on how you wanna use it,” Chris grins. “The last team base standing wins an advantage for the next part of the challenge. Ready your computer and headsets!”
The teens begin taking their seats, most looking relatively unsure of the circumstances. Frollo prods at his computer with the end of his Bible. “What is this strange beast?”
“Okay, don’t tell me you’ve never seen a computer,” Michela says, pulling out her chair.
“I dare not touch it. I only see such wonders at unholy places. Like CVS,”
“It’s, um, powered with the light of God,” she says, leaning over and turning on the PC. The screen flashes white. “See?”
He rolls his eyes. “I cannot use this. Bring me an abacus,”
Michela turns to Albert with an exasperated expression. He shrugs. “We can carry with five players,”
Over at the Yaoi table, things aren’t looking much better. Julia seems to be setting into the computer functions just fine, while everyone else is hovering around Mal.
“What are the ranks and which is the best one?” Ass demands.
“How do I move?” Courtney asks softly.
“Why are the graphics good? They’re scaring me!” Joner whimpers.
“Just GIVE me a second to figure it out!” Mal snaps, trying to turn on her own PC.
Ass glares. “I thought you knew everything about this place,”
“I do! I’m just having technical difficulties!”
Ass rolls their eyes and Courtney yawns.
---
“Your goal today is to protect your own base and destroy your enemies,” Chris explains, pacing back and forth between the players. “You must work together as a team.”
Bonnie adjusts their headset and speaks into the mic. “Okay, listen up, everyone: I can see my rank at the bottom of the screen, and I want everyone to tell me theirs when you find it,”
“I’m, uh, support!” Kelly says.
“Healer!” Staci chimes in.
Max sighs very loudly. “Mage,”
“Tank- perfect, suits me just right,” Phillip says, kicking back in his seat before falling backwards.
“I’m a fighter,” Bonnie goes on, ignoring the commotion. “Okay, Max and I will focus on trying to destroy Team Mojo’s base- they’re the weakest team.” they say, looking up at Frollo scooch back in his seat, away from the computer. “Kelly, I want you and Phillip to defend our base. Staci, stay with them, but keep alert, we might need you.”
Phillip frowns. “Aw, why can’t I-”
“No,” Bonnie says bluntly. He sulks.
---
“So… what’s our gameplan?” Courtney asks Ass.
They shrug. “Ask Miss International,”
Courtney turns to Mal, who’s starting to look nervous trying to navigate her PC.
---
MAL: “Okay, food? Yes. Movies? Totally? I LOVE manga and K-Pop. But gaming? Um… not really my thing!”
---
“Ready, players!” Chris says. No one responds. “Set? Go!”
“Um… okay,” Michela says. “I’m a healer. You guys?”
“Support,” Albert says. “Anyone get a better rank?”
“This ain’t fair, baby- I’m a lover, not a fighter!” Austin pouts. Patrick rolls his eyes. “Well, I got bruiser. And I’m not afraid to take a few hits.” he chuckles. “Hey- Hey- wait!”
Patrick rapidly clicks his mouse as his character is almost instantly killed. He stands and swipes his PC off the table with a high-pitched scream.
“Okay. Four players. We can work with four players, right?” Albert says. Michela shrugs.
“Sha-Mod?”
“Mage,” he says. “Austin, let’s go scope out Team Yaoi. Joner has a terrible blindspot.”
---
SHA-MOD: “Takes Three actually draws a lot of inspiration from video games, which we play while we’re recording. For… creative inspiration,”
---
“Okay, I’m a healer,” Courtney says contemplatively, clicking their mouse. “What do I do?”
“Just wait at base! We need a decoy,” Mal nods.
Julia raises an eyebrow. “A decoy?”
“Duh, every team needs a decoy- Joner, get out there!”
Julia blinks.
---
JULIA: “Something tells me Mal isn’t actually too familiar with online gaming,” she then coughs awkwardly. “Not that… I am, either. You know. That’d be sooo lame.” she laughs nervously.
---
Joner’s character nervously drifts out to sea, so to speak, and stands at the line separating Team Yaoi and Team Friendship’s base. “Okay, what do I do now?” he whispers sharply.
“Go distract them!” Mal says back. “NOW!”
Joner quivers and steps forward into Friendship territory. “Okay, what n-”
Within seconds, Joner’s character has been reduced to miscellaneous CGI body parts on the ground and Kelly and Phillip high-five.
“Ugh! You had ONE JOB!” Mal shouts. “Now you’re in the penalty box!”
Julia rolls her eyes. “It’s only five minutes, calm down,”
“What would you care?”
The blonde’s eye twitches.
---
JULIA: “Okay, fine, I admit it! I play a ton of these stupid games! I mean, it started off as a side hustle- get into the game code, max out my stats and take home cash prizes in local tournaments- but I am like, insanely good at it in normal mode!”
---
“Did Austin get killed again?”
“Yep, he’s in time-out. He’s not taking it too well,” Sha-Mod says as Austin rocks back and forth on the ground behind him and sobs. “Any luck with Frollo?”
“He’s still refusing to get online,” Michela sighs. “He’s just standing there talking about the fortune teller he met in a Costco.”
“Does anyone else think it’s weird we’re talking to each other like we’re in different rooms when we’re all sitting next to each other?” Albert says. The camera zooms out to show them all still lined up at the table while Frollo paces back and forth behind Michela, Austin cries behind Sha-Mod, and Patrick glares and pouts in the corner.
“Okay, um… so, what’s our strategy?” Michela asks Sha-Mod.
“Don’t die,”
---
“How are we holding up?” Julia asks. “I can’t see any of you guys.”
“You can’t see any of us because we’re all dead. Thanks to the brilliant leadership we’re all blindly following!” Ass says sharply.
Mal gasps with offense. “As if it’s my fault! You’re just lazy players!”
Julia massages her temples as the two bicker before finally snapping. “Alright! Listen up! Once you’re all respawned, meet me back at base and we’ll reform,”
---
Michela and Albert both hover over Sha-Mod’s shoulder as he tries to defend base as the last player available.
“Move in!” Bonnie shouts from across the room. They and Max swoop in and destroy Team Mojo’s last soldier, and promptly take the base.
“Yes! Take that!” Max shouts, pointing an accusing finger to the team. Michela raises an eyebrow and he quickly sits back down.
“And we’re rounding out a Yaoi v. Friendship finale here!” Chris says, then chuckles to himself. “Never thought I’d say those words.”
Julia turns to her team. “Are we ready?”
No one looks confident, but all look less confused now that Mal, who’s pouting with her arms crossed, has taken a back seat. “I’m not playing,”
“Suit yourself!” Julia ignores her plea for attention. “Let’s move out!”
“Brace yourselves!” Bonnie warns at the other table. The team buckles in and focuses harshly on their gameplay as four Yaoi players come charging at them.
Poof- Joner out. Then Phillip. Courtney, then Kelly and Staci in one blow. Ass and Max are next to take the fall as they kill each other at the same time, leaving only two.
“Just us now. Better for you to give up while you still have the chance,” Julia says.
“You wish,” Bonnie fires back, and then immediately charges.
Each team watches in stout anticipation, and when the dust clears, Team Yaoi’s base is gone and Bonnie has only taken half the hit points.
Team Friendship cheers and Chris claps slowly. “Nice one. Here’s your advantage,” he tosses Bonnie a plastic baggy.
“Gummy bears?” they raise an eyebrow.
“Oh, you’re going to need the energy. Everyone follow me!”
---
The teens stand behind Chris in a large, black room, looking from side to side for any sign of life.
“What is this?” Ass asks. “What, are you going to lock us in here and have us fight to the death in real life?”
“Heh, I wish. This challenge is the one that’ll determine our winners- and losers,” Chris says, pulling out a VR headset. “It’s time for the latest innovation in gaming- virtual reality!”
“This time, we’ll be testing your mental and physical strength with a series of rhythm-based games, as are popular in the virtual reality cafes of South Korea,” he goes on. “You’ll each be selecting your most capable player to take on the challenge and bring home the gold. Let’s get moving!”
The teams immediately turn to each other and begin discussing amongst themselves.
“I’ll do it,” Sha-Mod immediately volunteers, prompting a sigh of relief from both Michela and Albert.
“It should be Julia, right? She’s the only person here who knows what she’s doing,” Ass says, putting their hands on their hips.
Julia shakes her head. “I’ve never done anything related to VR, it’s completely different,”
“Well, I haven’t either!”
“If I may,” Joner steps up and picks up the headset. “My buddy Eric has one.”
Ass and Julia look between each other, and then shrug. Over at team friendship, the vote seems unanimously for Bonnie- except for Bonnie’s themselves. “I can’t do that,” they shake their head. “I don’t have any good memories associated with those things.”
“Well, the rest of us have NO memories associated with them,” Max insists. “Unless someone else thinks they can-”
“I’ll do it,” Staci snatches the headset. “How hard can it be?”
"Um..." Max starts, but it's too late. They've already merrily skipped across the room.
Chris’ voice catches everyone’s attention. “Alright, campers! Let’s get you set up and ready to rumble!”
The three selected players adjust their VR sets and stand in their designated places, each facing a blank black wall. Chris explains the rules- using their controls, they will slash and hack at oncoming obstacles. One hit and they’re out- last man standing wins.
He blows a whistle and the players begin, huffing and yapping as they swing around their handheld controls. The rest of the teams blink.
“Hm. Guess we should’ve been recording their POV,” Chris says, then shrugs. “Oh well. Notes for next time! Up for some Korean BBQ?” he asks Chef.
“Thought you’d never ask,”
The two walk off, leaving the teens alone. The minutes tick by, and by now just about everyone is sitting on the floor, absent-mindedly watching the contestants grunt and swing their hands around. The sound of their shoes scuffling on the floor is almost comical.
Julia sighs, sitting criss-cross on the ground. Her eyes drift to Bonnie. “Why aren’t you up there?”
“Not a huge VR fan. You?”
“Same,” Julia leans back against the wall. “Good game, by the way.”
Bonnie raises an eyebrow. “Um… yeah, good game,” they look at the floor for a moment and then dig in their pockets. “Hey, um, I have something for you. From Scruffy,” they hold out the obsidian necklace. “They told me to tell you they’re rooting for you.”
“Oh!” Julia raises her eyebrows and cautiously accepts the gift. “Well.. aren’t you the little messenger.”
Bonnie rolls their eyes and pulls their hoodie over their head. “Just felt like a nice thing to do for Scruffy. With them gone and everything,”
The blonde sulks for a moment, and then quickly turns away. “Yeah, whatever,”
---
BONNIE: “Do I actually… feel bad for Julia? No, no… I must be getting sick,”
---
“What’s the deal with that?” Max asks, watching the interaction curiously. “You better not be befriending the enemy. Having Scruffy go on about her was hard enough.”
“I was just trying to do something nice,”
Max rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Softie,”
“You’re one to talk,” Bonnie mumbles, elbowing him and nodding ahead to where Albert and Michela are giggling about something together. Max turns red and looks away.
“NOOOO!” Sha-Mod shouts, as if in agony, and collapses to his knees. His headset falls off and he coughs weakly before keeling over on the floor.
The commotion recaptures the audience interest and more and more of the respective teams begin turning towards the scuffle. Joner cries out in agony next, and Staci cheers before the VR headsets power down. “Hey, where’d the lights go?”
Chris re-enters the room, dabbing the corner of his mouth with a napkin. “Looks like Team Friendship has secured the win! Wish we could've seen that but hey- budget. Amirite, guys?”
The teens stare back, clearly unamused. Chris chuckles. “Team Mojo, I’ll see you guys at the elimination ceremony,”
The team groans against team friendship’s cheers, and Yaoi just sulks. “You got lucky this time,” Ass snaps at Mal.
---
“What a day. What a meal! Mm!” Chris says, accentuating his point by waving his napkin around. “But I suppose your gruel a la Chef Hatchet will be okay, too. Now, let’s see- you guys failed today, pretty hard. But some of you were more annoying about it than others.
Michela, Albert, and Sha-Mod- you’re safe,” he tosses each a bag of pretzels. “Auuuustin. Patrick- way to rage-quit. And Frollo, you didn’t even try. But only one of you is going home, and that person… is…
Patrick- you’re safe.”
Frollo stands, clutching his Bible. “This cannot be,”
“It can, and it is,”
He suddenly holds out his hands before Chef can grab him. “I received a message in a dream last night. There is a traitor among us,”
Sha-Mod points. “AMONG US!”
Frollo ignores him. “Someone on this plane is not who they say they are, and they will stop at nothing to reach their goal- MURDER!”
The team gasps, then Michela shakes her head. “Wait, why’d we gasp at that? This guy’s crazy,”
“Find the traitor! Before it’s too late!” Frollo insists as Chef approaches, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him to the door. He shrieks as he’s tossed out.
“I’m gonna miss that nutcase,” Chris sighs. “Well, see you all tomorrow!” and with that, he saunters off. Michela and Albert make fleeting eye contact, and then the team slowly walks to economy.
---
Deep within the belly of the plane, tucked within the cargo hold, surrounded by boxes and suitcases and crates galore, Frollo sits. “They don’t believe me, but they will,” he says, drumming his fingers on his Bible. “I must save them. Even if it means getting tossed outside and climbing back in a thousand times. It’s what Jesus would have done…”
A rat sitting beside him squeaks. Frollo pets it. “Yes, my brother. Now,” he says, pulling a vial of holy water from his robes. “Let’s baptize you.”
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