#garrotte

[lotsofsq]

i think McCracken is really funny this is my vision for the gay middle aged man dating landscape in tmbs

[ID copied in alt text: a drawing of a chart with McCracken, Mr Curtain, Milligan, Moocho, Crawlings, Sharpe, and Garrotte. Milligan and Moocho are labeled “husbands” with a bunch of hearts. Milligan and McCracken are labeled “exes”. McCracken has an arrow pointing at MrCurtain the says “golddigger” and all four of the ten men have arrows pointing inward where it says “business formal polycule” but business is spelled wrong. off to the side the whole chart is labeled “The Lore”]

[deeskip]

I have no clue if you’re still taking art requests, but if you are, one of the ten men when they were getting bossed around by Martina would be hilarious.

i absolutely love this scene. martina gets to girlboss four grown men around

[mvshortcut]

Ranking every time the Ten Men get taken down by how cringe fail they are (Part 2)

Warning: this post contains major spoilers for Riddle of Ages!

We're back again already, folks. Part 1 is here; now it's time for round 2 of some good old pointing and laughing.

Book 4: The Riddle of Ages

first appearance of my problematic faves the Katz brothers! There's always gotta be one cowardly goon in the lot, and the Scaredy Katz fulfill their role admirably. This knockout isn't too cringe-worthy, although the dramatic "Now!" [immediately gets knocked out] is quite comical, as well as the image of him trying to run on his knees. 3/10

And here we have Garrotte being painfully average once again. Although this one is made more interesting by the fact that he and Sharpe apparently jumped some random businessmen on the street and stole their completely normal briefcases, then had the audacity to be surprised when said completely normal briefcases didn’t hold up well in a combat scenario. It’s almost as if they’re designed to hold paperwork, not fend off a flurry of tranquilizer darts. Who would’ve thunk. Also. You could literally walk into any Home Depot and find dozens of items more suited for this purpose, which the Ten Men easily could’ve done if they weren’t so darn committed to the stonks bit. 

Also, “Most unfair! Such shoddy materials!” is the funniest possible thing you could say upon getting knocked out. It’s giving “trust fund kindergartener encounters Crayola crayons during art class for the first time ever.” Please just say “god damn it” like a normal person. 4/10

See this one is so funny to me. You're telling me that the infamous shock watches, which have terrorized several of our beloved characters over the course of the series, can be defeated simply by doing simple gymnastics? it's giving "show Sticky doing long division in his head to defeat Curtain's infamous Happiness brainwashing." Also, you're telling me you can knock out people simply by throwing darts at them? wild. anyways. I love Katz getting knocked out mid-threatening leap. 5/10

diversity win! Milligan won't kill you but he isn't above shooting you in the ass! 7/10

sorry this is so long but we need the full context to appreciate how cringe this is. imagine you brought five (5) of your best men to locate SQ Pedalian, a young adult not particularly skilled in combat, and also to fight a teenage girl. And now it's gone so sideways that you're literally the last one left standing. Standing, on top of an ice cream truck that you pushed on top of your opponent, who is now trapped beneath and yet has his hands casually laced behind his head as if he's tanning on the beach. And you got tricked into standing there, pinned by an empty gun, and simply watching while he loads darts into the (previously empty) gun. And now he's just shooting a bunch of empty darts at you, one after another, while you have to stand there and wait for him to finally knock you out. I think I would disintegrate on the spot. Also "You wouldn't shoot me in the face. That's not your style" bestie you just watched him shoot Sharpe in the ass. Would you prefer that instead? 9/10

This one might take the cake. First of all, they all fell for the trap, so now they're stuck in jail again like 3 days after escaping. And then, the teenage girl you've been terrorizing for years finally turns your stupid condescending pet names right back on you before a nine year old uses her mind powers to make you knock yourself out with your own weapon. 🫵 CRINGE. 10/10

Still very cringe, though less so than McCracken. It's kinda funny that Constance made them use their shockwatches instead of the (less painful) handkerchiefs. 6/10

Y'know, given the Katz brother's astounding loser energy, I'm amazed that they might actually have the least cringe take down. Taking the coward's way out. I respect it. Love them staring out the window. sad tigger gif here. Bonus points for ratting out Crawlings for being awful. 1/10 and two gold star stickers for them both

And, finally, for the grand finale, our favorite cringe boy is back:

Crawlings is making up for having fewer appearances in this book by making his COUNT. and YIKES. I literally have to step away every time I read this. From the supervillain monologue, to everyone groaning at him and then simply ignoring him (knowing what's about to happen), to Crawlings immediately poisoning and temporarily paralyzing himself the SECOND he gets a chance to be the Final Girl. And then he gets thrown back into jail. Plus the fact that he's on the floor about to pass out still wondering when the "Genius Serum" will kick in. uhhh. y'know, Crawlings, I might not be a genius either, but I have the slightest inkling that all may not be going according to plan. 11/10

And there we have it folks! The final rankings are:

Hertz: 6

The Katz Brothers: 9

Garrotte: 14

Sharpe: 22

McCracken: 35

And, in first place, with 36 points, our beloved Crawlings.

In conclusion,

[newluddite]

Assassin Potters.

My Wife is taking a pottery class. She came home with the set of tools she needs to make pots and things. One of the items is a Garrotte.

It is is thin wire strung between two small dowel handles. It is identical to what I saw in a Commando display at a museum. Was there a desperate fight in a pottery studio and the commando grabbed what came to hand or was there a trained assassin taking a day off for meditative clay manipulation? Hey this can be used with pots they think.

Sentries searching a potter's sack could find this lethal tool; "Whats this for?"

"It's just for cutting my pots off of the wheel." So innocent and not threatening. Then the sentry turns his back and.....

Which cam first the potters or the assassins?

[internetstuds]

Garrott Coelho

[greenandhazy]

A series of important facts:

1. Zhu Zanjin has cute tiny dogs

2. He carries them around in unexpected ways

3. Sometimes he puts them in Jin Guangyao’s costume

4. Jin Guangyao was the one who bought Fairy, so he’s canonically not anti-dog (forget the threat to kill her, he was a little stressed that day ok)

5. According to the American Kennel Club, small Pekingese (4-5 pounds) were sometimes called “sleeve dogs” because Chinese nobility would use them as personal guard dogs, hidden in their sleeves

CONCLUSION:

We need a remake of The Untamed that’s exactly the same except for one crucial element

LET JIN GUANGYAO HAVE A PUPPY

[z0mbearz]

Scaris, City of Frights (2013)

[leoandbeholdclark]

/And Deuce has Stone Cold Style/

[azuzula]

Monster High March Day 5 - Love Letter

[superiorstr8men]

[partartgoddess]

Monster High Haunt Couture - Scaris Fashion Week Finale ✨🪩🕸️ Rochelle Goyle designed by Garrott du Roque

[lotsofsq]

more mccurtain propaganda :] the drawings are propaganda for me too, plus a little polycruel height chart (i’m keeping that as the name for ten men polycule)

[IDs copied in alt text: two drawings.

a drawing at side profile of mccracken kissing mr curtain’s nose. mccracken has a smug, knowing expression and mr curtain is surprised and is blushing.

a drawing with two rows of just the characters heads, the first row has McCracken, sharpe, garrotte, and crawlings in that order labeled: 7ft, 6’2”, 6ft, and 5’10, respectively. the second row has sq and mr curtain labeled 6’5 and 5’6 respectively, there is an arrow pointing from sq to between mccracken and sharpe, and an arrow from mr curtain pointing past crawlings.]

[deeskip]

four acts of violence against crawlings

[mvshortcut]

Ranking every time the Ten Men get taken down by how cringe fail they are (Part 1)

With 1 being "not too lame, actually" and 10 being "oh my god I have to put the book down and walk away for my own health." This post will include scenes from Books 2 and 3; I'll put the Riddle of Ages stuff in another post.

"But Milk, why on earth are you doing this" well you see I hate the Ten Men (<3) and I love to talk so this works out perfectly. Listen To My Opinions, Boy. Let's get started, shall we?

Book 2: The Perilous Journey

See Garrotte is like the Reynie Muldoon of the Ten Men in that he's so fantastically average (this is a joke don't come for me y'all I love Reynie). This is just a very Average way to get knocked out tbh. And honestly, I've gotta cut Garrotte some slack here. When you think you're on a deserted island, you don't really expect some scarecrow-looking ninja to materialize out of the darkness, hijack your tank boat, and knock you out. 2/10

Crawlings. Oh, darling Crawlings. I'm making the rule now that Crawlings can't score below a 3. He has a base level of cringe fail-ness simply by being Crawlings.

Out of all of the times Crawlings gets knocked out, this is honestly the least embarrassing. None of them really know Milligan's capabilities yet, so this sleight of hand is completely unexpected. Although the "As ugly as you?" exchange occurs immediately after Crawlings wakes up from this one (and that scene in and of itself is embarrassing.) 5/10

Now Sharpe and Crawlings get knocked out (again) later in TPJ but that happens offscreen, so without further ado, let's move onto:

Book 3: The Prisoner's Dilemma

Starting this one off strong with another Crawlings MomentTM. I know he doesn't get knocked out here but I literally could not in good conscience leave it out. Peak cringe fail. Local murderous henchman loses to a four year old with sharp teeth, more at 11. 7/10

I'm gonna be honest at least 70% of this post is gonna be Crawlings. But that isn't my fault now is it?

This is just. Peak Looney Tunes shenanigans. I'm surprised he didn't leave a cartoony indent of his limbs outstretched in the wall. The "humiliating yelp" adds ambiance to the whole scene. 8/10

and another one! honestly this is more impressive on Milligan's part (truly he is insane) and once again, I'm gonna give Crawlings some pity points because who expects their opponent to straight-up grab the electrified wires? The image of his eyebrow all bristly and shocked is very comical and undignified though. 5/10

Back to dear Garrotte. once again painfully average. I desperately need to know if Milligan actually hit him over the head with a ukulele. 2/10

Sharpe coming in strong with possibly the most embarrassing knockout yet. It wasn't enough to be taken down by a boomerang, of all things. He's gotta do these popping-up-and-down shenanigans before a twelve-year-old finally tricks him into knocking himself out with his own handkerchief. I imagine he looks like one of those inflatable dancing tube man things outside the car wash just flopping back and forth. 9/10

When I tell you I literally cheer ever time I read this part. It's what he deserves. "But, honestly, would you fare any better against a bird of prey, Milk?" yes. absolutely. Madge would sense my cool and swag vibes and would not attack me. McCracken simply did not pass the vibe check. SAD. 8/10

Y'know I wish this part wasn't phrased so comically because I burst out laughing ever time I read it even though it's such a tense and upsetting moment. This is SO embarrassing for McCracken though. Imagine at long last winning a tumultuous rooftop battle and it looks like things are FINALLY starting to go your way. only for your opponent to fling himself off a four story building directly on top of you and break all your bones. oof. there's no coming back from that one chief. once again he gets pity points because Milligan is absolutely insane and no one could have seen that coming. 8/10

And, for the grand finale, a guest appearance from Hertz! I would say we're switching things up with a little vehicular manslaughter here, but it isn't Number Two's fault that Hertz ran into her fake ambulance, now is it? It was quite a Choice for him to think he could win a fight against two vehicles, let alone vehicles driven by Rhonda Kazembe and Number Two. "He was terribly annoyed" yea I bet he was. Hertz darling what were you thinking. 6/10

part 2 here!

[wrestlehead]

Garrott Coelho

[internetstuds]

Garrott Coelho