#gertrudedraegan

[wildroseofarran]

If I’m in Limbo, Where are You? || Luna, Logan, & Gertrude || November, 2019

Dana/Gertrude: November 2019

Days since laying eyes on Logan. Days since the stranger had stepped through the wards of the Draegan house, his new employer. Some wraiths might argue his captor. His master. Tolvin was not of such opinion. The Giovanni had been the open window in which to crawl through the Shroud. Death many lifetimes ago, he could not find the will to resent his executioner. Blame lay with the living, and what had been his living self. Every personal flaw which led to that rather uneventful evening.

"I'm going out," Tolvin announced.

"I needn't remind you not to be seen," said Gertrude, slowly flipping the thick page of a large brown book.

"You needn't, but you did."

She smiled to herself. "Bring me back something pretty."

"I'll be back before sunrise."

James Rosmond's aviator jacket was plucked from the rack by the basement door. One size too large; wide in the arms and waist.

"Dana. You're doing it again."

"Mm." Tolvin tore his eyes from the material. Caught up in the sensation and weight. Nothing comparable within the Shadowlands. How quickly we forget.

"Eight times now?"

"Ten."

The large double doors were gently closed, locked from the inside by the vampire. The air was thick with humidity, filled with the stench of burning wood and leaves. Rain, soon. He could just taste the promise from above. This would be a brief trip across the autumn blanketed town. Just one stop to Logan Riley.

Logan: Logan hopped out of her truck and scanned the trees, a new habit she'd developed since Dana's passing.

Some days she wondered if there was anyone out there watching her, others she hoped there was. Today, there was only a brief moment of wondering before she locked the truck and went inside her house.

She'd babysat at the trailer park tonight and although she thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her charge, there was simply too much weighing on her mind for her to be fully present. There were still too many emotions in too fresh a state for her to sort through, to the point where she'd seriously considered accepting the cigarette little Jonathan's mother always offered her.

Smokers had clear heads, didn't they? Or at the very least had something to help them sort themselves out.

Sighing, she sank onto her couch and added smoking to the list of things to contemplate.

Dana: Tolvin paused in the driveway of what was once his cabin. Rented, it had been, so long ago now he could not remember the interior. Fragments of memory; a couch with years and a druid; conversations around a small round table with a short leg; staring into frosted glass with freezing water running down his back. He could remember the sensation perfectly.

Dead leaves crunched under his boots. Fingers touched and road along the length of the truck. The back of his fingers rapped against the old wooden door.

Logan: Logan turned toward the door at the knock, her brow furrowing as she then glanced at the clock on the wall.

It was late; too late for a casual visitor.

Could it be Leslie coming to check on her? That made sense. He would've seen her headlights when she drove in.

Still, she made sure there was a weapon within reach as she approached her door, calling, "Who is it?" before even touching the doorknob.

Dana: "Good instincts," came from the other side of the door. "It's me." Was his voice the same? Was it memorable? It seemed mechanic now. Air in the lungs, the larynx, the inflection required to sound human.

Logan: The door was all but thrown open before Dana could even finish speaking.

His voice may have been a bit mechanical, but it was still familiar. Still memorable. Still his.

And it still prompted her to throw her arms around him and squeeze. "Oh, thank God. Thank God. I didn't dream you."

Dana: The wraith blinked, having expected just a little more caution than what was given. His arm wound to her shoulders.

"Do you often dream of missions?"

Logan: "More often than you'd think." She squeezed more before pulling back to look at him. "Hi. How are you?"

Dana: A question which required a moment of processing. It seemed so pedestrian.

"Alright," he decided on. "You're fine, yes?"

Logan: "I'm...here. That has to count for something. Here, come inside. Sit."

Dana: Tolvin closed the door behind them, locking on instinct.

The cabin looked... familiar. Of course, it should, but he hadn't expected the nostalgia for having lived only a brief period in Edenton.

"How do you live?"

Logan: "I actually just got home. I was babysitting for a family in the trailer park. Other than that...things are pretty quiet. Should I put the kettle--wait, do you still need to eat and drink or?"

Dana: "It's not necessary, but... go ahead and make tea."

Logan: "Yes, okay."

This felt so bizarre and so familiar at the same time. She'd made tea for them in this cabin dozens and dozens of times and yet, it felt like she was doing it for the very first time.

"How have things been for you at the Harrak house?"

Dana: Sitting seemed the appropriate action, but preferring to stand, leaned himself against the kitchen wall.

"Comfortably slow. I'm little more than an adviser playing fetch. A not-coterie of odds and ends. Smells like a graveyard in that house."

Logan: "A Giovanni is in control. It is a graveyard in that house."

Dana: "You remember your training."

Logan: "I couldn't forget that clan even if I wanted to."

Dana: "Is there more to life than my death?"

Logan: "There wasn't, for a long time. But I think I've managed to build something...decent for myself."

Dana: "Decent?" He wanted her to elaborate.

Logan: "I have friends, I have work I enjoy. I have things outside work I enjoy. Just recently I started volunteering at the hospital, in the NICU."

Dana: "You're American now?"

Logan: Logan nodded and got mugs from the cabinet. "Yep. Father Patrick helped me with the process."

Dana: "I can't tell you to go home, then. You've made a home in a town of murder."

Logan: "For better or worse, this is my home now. My godfather is here and my best friend is here and you're here. Besides, Sydney made it clear they don't want me."

Dana: "The Church made it clear, not the nuns, or your teachers, or any women you knew I was oblivious of." But there seemed to be no fight in his voice, unlike that of previous conversations on the subject.

Logan: "The Church was all I had left in Sydney. The nuns and my teachers were part and parcel."

The whistle of the kettle drew her attention and announced the end of the subject.

"What kind of tea would you like?"

Dana: "What tea did I like?"

Logan: "Irish breakfast," she said, getting the canister.

Dana: "What do you drink?"

Logan: "Earl grey during the day, chamomile and lavender at night."

Dana: "What are you drinking now?"

Logan: "Irish breakfast." She prepared his tea as she had so many times before and handed him the mug.

"Let's sit and warm up."

Dana: "You need something stronger?" he asked, taking a seat nearest the window, facing the doorway just as he used to.

Logan: “Probably. Apparently I look like a need a cigarette.”

Dana: "I meant your tea. Who said you need a cigarette?"

Logan: "Oh! Oh no, this is fine. Something stronger will keep me awake all night."

Logan curled up in her usual corner of the couch. "The mother of the little boy I was babysitting tonight. She always says that, though."

Dana: "You look tired. I expected that," said Tolvin into his cup. He let some of the tea rest on his tongue, not quite swallowing.

Logan: "I'm fine, just a late night and a lot on my mind. I'll be fine. I'm more worried about you, stuck in that place with those people."

Dana: "You're taking it very well. Working. Not going back."

Logan: "I've had to stop myself from going back every day since I last saw you. A couple of times I was halfway there and turned back."

Dana: "So, your patience has improved," said Tolvin with a small smile.

Logan: "Marginally," she said, taking a sip of her tea. Still too hot but massively comforting. "Spending a lot of time with tiny children does that, I guess."

Dana: "Or worsen it, depending. Have you argued with a five year-old yet? That I remember as clear as I see your face."

Logan: Logan laughed. "Oh, yes. I have waged many battles over bath time and bedtime and why ice cream is not an acceptable breakfast."

Dana: "You've become mother without the pain of childbirth."

Logan: "I guess I have. It hits me sometimes that I'm watching some of the kids I look after grow up. I have one that I've looked after since she was a newborn."

Dana: "They become the clock." For the Quick, anyway. To dwell on his daughter would only evoke emotion he could not utilize.

"How is Luke?" As though that were any better conversation.

Logan: Logan sipped her tea, trying to find the best way to answer. Not only for Dana's sake, but for Luke's as well.

"He's...managing."

Dana: "Is he moving on?" was the question he wanted to know most of all.

Logan: "Depends what you mean by moving on," she said softly.

Dana: "He barely knew me, Logan."

Logan: "You make an impact. But, for what it's worth, he's trying to get better."

Dana: "Seeing him will only bring it back."

Logan: "That's assuming anything ever went away. You can't not see him, Dana. Maybe he didn't know you for long, and maybe you don't understand it, but he sincerely cared for you."

Dana: "You want me to keep him tethered?"

Logan: "I just think he deserves some closure."

Dana: "The fog can be very thick. Has he already forgotten he's seen me?"

Logan: Logan shook her head. "No, he hasn't. How could he?"

Dana: "The logic of the Skinland is to pretend nothing else in the universe exists."

Logan: "As a whole, yes, but individual experience varies. Luke is too logical to ignore something right in front of him and not logical enough to write everything off."

Dana: "Then when should I see him? And how?"

Logan: “In the daytime, if possible.” Nights still tended to be difficult for Luke. That was gradually improving but even so.

“And gently. Kindly.”

Dana: "Something more tangible than that. Should we go now? Together?"

Logan: “I don’t know. Part of me doesn’t think I should be there and that it’s best if it’s just the two of you. But I know he’ll be confused and have questions and maybe be a little afraid.”

Dana: "Exactly why you should be there. You're a hunter, with or without your bow. You have knowledge and mental fortitude."

Logan: "Didn't feel like I had much mental fortitude when I saw you the other day." She sighed. "But you're right. As much as I think the two of you need that moment alone, I can't send you to him alone."

After all, she herself had had Leslie to support her. Her best friend deserved the same kind of support.

Dana: Then, he would see to Luke. Something which would not be forgotten by a space of months and years. Had it been years? He was so terrible with time now.

"After tea?"

Logan: Logan nodded. "After tea."

If memory served, Luke wasn't working at the pub with his brother tonight and despite the lateness of the hour, she knew he'd be awake. Luke always waited up for Pete on nights when he wasn't working.

Still, she grabbed her phone and sent him a quick message to make sure he was at home.

"I'm asking if it's okay if I stop by," she said to Dana.

Dana: Tolvin looked up from the table. His mind having drifted somewhere else entirely. "Am I a surprise, or is there some code word?"

Logan: "Something of a surprise. I told him I have to talk to him about something. I don't think there's a code word I could give that would come close to giving him an idea of this situation."

Dana: "'Your friend that isn't a hooker is back' would work."

Logan: "Dana," she chastised.

Dana: "Yeah, yeah."

Logan: "Drink your tea."

Her phone lit up with Luke's response. He was home and free and she was welcome to come over at any time.

"We have the green light."

Dana: Tolvin's jaw rolled east and west. He looked up once more. "Let's go."

Logan: "Now?" Well...why put it off? It was going to happen either way and the longer they waited, the more time she had to overthink. And the more time Luke had to overthink.

"Okay." She finished her tea and got to her feet to grab her keys and jacket. "Let's go. I'm driving."

Dana: "After tea," he reminded, which was now. What was once a comforting drink - to his knowledge - sat heavy on his stomach tonight. Not surprising.

"By all means."

Logan: Logan shrugged her jacket on. “I’m guessing I should stick to the backstreets and approach from the rear of his house? So no one sees?”

Dana: "I doubt anyone remembers my face."

Logan: "That's not a risk I'm willing to take." There was no telling who besides them was out at this time of night. "Come on."

The pickup didn't look too much different from the last time Dana would've seen it, apart from an absence of dents and some new paint. Payment from the father of one of the children she looked after, when he hadn't been able to give her cash.

"Okay," she said to herself as she got in. "Let's do this. Everything will be fine."

Dana: "You still do that," he said absently. The seat belt was clicked into place, and felt more mechanical than a thoughtful reaction.

Logan: Taking the backstreets meant taking the long way, so instead of turning right onto the road, she turned left. "Still do what?"

Dana: "Assure yourself out loud."

Logan: “Oh! Force of habit,” she said with a small smile. “Helps calm me down. Some of the time.”

Dana: "I know." Some things he had not forgotten through the space of time. "That boy we rescued, what became of him?"

Logan: "He's living happily with the man who loves him."

Dana: "Romantic." Said deadpanned.

Logan: "It is. And very sweet. After the hell he went through, I'm sure the idea of having anything remotely approaching romantic seemed impossible."

Dana: "We didn't see the end of his story. Saw the end of some unholy creature and a pack of leeches."

Logan: "Whatever his story, the sheriff is a good man. I don't believe he would be with Bo if he didn't see in him something that was good and worth loving."

Dana: "Should ask the opposite."

Logan: "Why Bo is with the sheriff?"

Dana: "Yes."

Logan: “Because he loves him.”

Dana: "So simple."

Logan: “Sometimes life is that simple. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, it’s a small, beautiful miracle.”

Dana: "Not to take into account protection, convenience, familiarity based on trauma."

Logan: “Trauma bonds. Love is something else altogether. They love each other. It’s palpable, you can see it and feel it.”

Dana: "What does love feel like?"

Logan: "Like...warmth and hope. It gets you right here." She rubbed the middle of her chest. "I know this must all sound like romantic nonsense, but it's lovely to see."

Dana: "Love felt like protection." The first time here. "Intermingled with obligation to serve victims. Protect my daughter, sister, the church, the dying, the robbed."

Logan: "That's what your love feels like. Protection, safety, home. My life would've turned out very differently if I didn't have you to love and raise me, Dana Tolvin."

Dana: "Did you always talk like this?"

Logan: “You’d know that better than I would. Maybe I did. If not, and if for some reason I never told you that, I’m telling you now.”

Dana: "You don't remember how you spoke before?"

Logan: “I guess I never noticed. My students seem to enjoy listening to me well enough.”

Dana: "Students?"

Logan: Logan nodded. "Yes, I teach Sunday school. Started as a favor for Father Patrick but I've really come to enjoy it. I'd missed working with children."

Dana: "Missed?" He thought a moment, recalled the church in Sydney, the orphanage, and nodded. "You were helping families by hunting."

Logan: “Now I help them by picking their children up from school and taking care of them when they have to work the night shift.”

Dana: "Have you seen anything abnormal? Hunted anything at all?"

Logan: "The schoolroom is haunted."

Dana: Tolvin turned enough to study her.

Logan: "It's either the secretary of the priest three priests before Father Patrick or the priest himself. I think it's the secretary though, she pulls hair."

Dana: "Nuns do that," he nodded. If there was a smile, it was slight.

Logan: Logan smiled back. "I think she doesn't like me because...well."

Dana: "What will you do?" He arched a brow. "Or do you want me to do something?"

Logan: "I'm trying to figure out where she's buried or if she left something behind she's tethered to. Would a nun get attached to a desk?"

Dana: "Anything can be a fetter. It's what keeps us here."

Logan: "Apparently what's keeping her here is a lesbian Sunday school teacher sitting at her desk."

Dana: "I can ask."

Logan: "You can? Even if she isn't there all the time?"

Dana: "She'll be back. I doubt she goes very far."

Logan: "She probably goes to the sanctuary to judge my cleaning."

Dana: "Your jokes are still humorous."

Logan: "At least you and my students think so," she said with a smile.

Logan turned off the main street and onto one of the smaller side streets. Luke's house wasn't normally too far, and even taking the scenic route, it wouldn't be a long drive.

"Have you decided what you're going to say?"

Dana: Tolvin stared out the window. He saw no point in lying. "Haven't thought about it," he admitted.

Logan: She nodded. "Are you excited to see him?"

Dana: "I suppose." The emotion didn't seem in line with circumstance. Keenly aware no one seemed to listen to him. Quite fitting for a wraith.

Logan: “Are you sure you want to see him?”

Dana: "Don't backtrack now."

Logan: “I’m not, I just want you to be sure.”

Dana: "You seem to think he needs this, and think he's forgotten?"

Logan: "I worry he's forgotten but I don't think he has. I don't think he ever really could, but...he does need closure. Some sort of answer."

Dana: "Then we're going."

Logan: Logan nodded again. "Okay." But now that they were on their way, a part of her couldn't help but worry. She had no idea how Luke was going to take all this, or if he would even accept it, or if accepting it would erase all the progress he'd made since he started going to therapy.

But she also knew that not knowing where Dana had gone or what had become of him was something that haunted Luke. He did deserve closure. And maybe in a way Dana did, too.

About fifteen minutes later she was pulling up behind Pete's house.

Dana: Tolvin simply stared, unsure of what he should feel, other than concern for Luke's sanity. Every day teetering on his fetters, whether he wanted them or not, whether or not he wanted to move on. He knew with certainty that they deserved closure, but this method seemed rather like throwing boiling water on ice.

"Is he alone?"

Logan: Logan wouldn't rush him. As much as she was here for support, for both Dana and Luke, this was still very much their moment and it was long overdue. Maybe this wasn't the best way to go about things, but it was all they could do.

She had faith that this wouldn't break Luke. He was stronger now than he had been for a long time.

"Yes," she said, nodding. "Pete won’t be home tonight."

Dana: "I'll wait here." Here being beside the truck, leaned against its door and staring forward in thought. So many reasons not to be here, and a half-hearted attempt to prevent this reunion. One he had caused need of by his reappearance again and again. Of borrowing one body after the other. So, this was his responsibility.

Logan: "Outside? Aren't you going to come to the door?"

Dana: "I don't intend to give him a heart attack so young."

Logan: "He runs every day and eats his vegetables. He's stronger than he looks." If everything in Luke's life up until this point hadn't given him a heart attack, Logan doubted there was anything that could. That being said, it wouldn't do to go tempting fate either.

She sighed. "I'll knock on the door. If he invites you in are you going to accept?"

Dana: "I'm not a Hollywood vampire. Of course I'll enter."

Logan/Luke: "I didn't mean because of that, but that's good to know." She reached over to pat his hand. "Be right back."

She grabbed her little pocketknife from her pocket and went up to the back fence. This time of year it was never locked, so she was able to slip the blade of her knife in between the slats and undo the gate latch to let herself into the backyard.

These days whenever Luke wasn't working at the pub in the evenings, he was catching up on paperwork for his current cases. He'd been testing the waters since leaving the firm in Raleigh and so far, he'd gathered enough business that he was outgrowing Pete's dining room. He'd have to start looking for some office space in town soon.

He got up to stretch, brow furrowing when he saw Logan approaching the back porch. That was weird. Why wasn't she around front?

Luke went out to meet her with a pleasantly confused smile. "Hey. What are you doing back here? Why didn't you use the front door?"

Logan took a deep breath. "I um...I didn't want anyone to see me."

"What, why?"

"Just...come with me. Trust me and come with me."

Back through the yard and the gate, where Dana was waiting.

Dana: Tolvin was curious, of course. Wondering what it was Logan had said to prepare him for this moment. He struggled to recall the last instance he'd seen Luke. Oliver's body, almost certainly. High off of something or another. Barely able to sustain until removed by force.

Luke Graham looked the same as memory served. Better than memory. He was smooth, like skin should be. Free of pallor. Vibrant. Alive.

He ducked his head, giving one more second, one more reason for Luke to squint, spare him the shock of his full face.

Luke: Despite his confusion, Luke followed, wondering all the while what could be so bad or so...scandalous? that Logan would go to the trouble of approaching his house from the back all so no one would...

...see.

Luke didn't have to squint, didn't have to take the extra second. He'd recognize the set of those shoulders blind. He'd felt them, seen them in dreams and standing before him in another life, another reality he'd often been convinced had been a dream as well.

A part of him wanted to fall back on that now, the safety and denial of telling himself this was all a hallucination, that Dana Tolvin wasn't standing in front of him looking so similar and so different to the image in Luke's mind. But Luke couldn't do that. Not after everything he'd seen.

Not when Dana cast a shadow, and Logan's eyes fell to him as well. He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but the man he loved had somehow transcended death and was in front of him. There was no hiding in denial this time, no voice in his head telling him this was it, he'd finally lost it.

"Hi, Dana," he said softly, not meaning to whisper.

Dana: Every time he'd ever held this man had been through the arms of a borrowed body. Even now, his touch would not be the same. His skin still and forever partially numb, was disallowed such tactile pleasure. Wouldn't seem worth the trouble had this been anyone else. Anything else. Every fetter was a living being, and that was no coincidence. These precious breathing beings.

He was staring. What words could be spoken, not already spilled from the lips and tongue of Oliver Cole? Nothing seemed adequate to the task.

He offered his hand.

Luke: As Luke reached for Dana's hand, a part of him couldn't help but wonder if his hand would pass straight through. He could see a shadow, yes, but clouds cast shadows. It didn't mean that the Dana in front him--although present--was physically present, and he both feared and anticipated getting the answer to that question.

He didn't know how he felt or what he felt or how much he felt; all of reality seemed to pause for those few pregnant moments it took to make contact with Dana's skin

And he did make contact. Luke touched him, could touch him. Dana wasn't a specter or a wisp of smoke in danger of being blown away on the slightest breeze. He was here and he was solid, and Luke could do nothing but squeeze his hand and weep.

Dana: Tolvin considered a moment if this was happening to someone else. So long since his last possession of Oliver Cole that their first real touch, hindered by numbness, felt surreal.

Quietly, Tolvin pulled his fetter chest-to-chest. Said nothing as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Rested his chin on Luke's head.

Luke: It had been six months since Luke had last seen Dana, and longer still since he'd seen Dana. His last memory of the man he loved was a goodbye kiss. He never could've known what would happen after he pulled back, after he watched Dana walk away. He hadn't known just how precious and important that last kiss had been. Not then.

But now? Now he was being held by Dana, something he'd never gotten when Dana was still alive. Every time he'd been held by this man, it had been through another person, another body. Never the body he loved. It was always Oliver; Oliver's arms, Oliver's chest, Oliver's face looking down at him, and it was such a comfort and so fucking heartbreaking to finally be held by Dana Tolvin.

These were the arms and chest and body he recognized and remembered. This was what he'd wanted for so long, and it was so incredibly cruel that death had been what finally gave it to him.

So Luke clung and cried and silently railed at God. For taking Dana, for tearing them apart. For so many things.

It was a long time before he calmed enough to question how any of this was even possible, but all he got out was, "How?"

Dana: Tolvin said nothing, felt no need to interrupt the unsteady silence of tears with monotone comfort. His arms were enough. When the expected question was finally spoken, his initial response was nothing more than a glance to Logan.

"A lot of finesse," he answered. Seemed better for all involved not to go into great detail.

"Do you just live here now?" Giving in pieces seemed the best strategy. Redirecting the conversation back to Luke.

Luke: A lot of finesse. It wasn't really an answer but then again, was this the kind of thing he really wanted to know? Whatever process or magic that had been involved in bringing Dana here was bound to be something beyond Luke's comprehension anyway. Not going into details was simpler.

He nodded. "Yeah. I'm selling my condo, looking for a place here. I asked Logan to move in with me."

Dana: "That feels familiar." Not knowing something until last moment. Another look at Logan. Considerably less disappointment and confusion behind those eyes than there perhaps should have been, given his former nature.

"Do you... want to sit down?"

Luke/Logan: Logan gave him a small, apologetic smile. It occurred to her that she should've told Dana about Luke's offer before they'd come here, but the shock of seeing him again had driven it clean out of her head.

That being said, his silent reaction was better than she would've thought.

Luke sniffed and wiped his face with his sleeve. "Yeah. Yeah, let's sit. Do you um....do you want anything...?"

Dana: I don't need anything. The words felt too weighted. He simply said, "No." Speaking through Oliver Cole had felt smoother. Or perhaps it was the weight of Luke's emotions which stilled his tongue. Still, he remained at his side, patient.

Luke: Luke almost wished he’d said yes. It would give him something to do or at the very least, a second to get himself together.

Not that he thought that was really possible. He doubted anyone in his position was capable of getting themselves together. How could they, unless their loved ones returning from the dead was an everyday occurrence?

He didn’t know what to do or ask or say, whether to put on a collected face or just let himself feel…everything.

For now, Luke settled on getting them all inside and into the living room where they could at least sit while they processed. He’d bet anything that he and Logan weren’t the only ones thrown for a loop.

“Where um…” He cleared his throat. “Where have you been…staying?”

Dana: Intimacy had felt simpler with another body. An absence of sensation had somehow enabled his confidence. Perhaps it was the presence of Logan which altered his behavior. Despite years beyond the Shadow, his soul was still a conservative Catholic.

"With my maker," he decided upon. "If you're thinking Frankenstein, you're close."

Luke: He hated that his immediate thought was, ‘that story didn’t have a happy ending’. After so much pain and unhappiness, it was damn near criminal that any part of him could still rub salt in his own wounds.

“And who’s Dr. Frankenstein in this situation?”

Dana: "What are you going to do with that information if I tell you?" Tolvin asked slowly.

Luke: Luke shrugged. “Not much I can do, is there? Can’t tell anyone. Can’t go to the police. Doubt I’d be able to do anything to whoever it is if I ever met them. There’s nothing someone like me can do in this situation.

“Frankenstein beats family lawyer,” he added softly. “Probably every time.”

Dana: "You sound defeated," said after a moment of contemplation, staring gently at Luke.

Luke: What curved his lips was too sad to be called a smile, but for a moment it brought some levity to his expression.

“I have been, haven’t I? Years ago when you were taken and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it. When I lost you.”

Dana: "You were supposed to move on, like people do. You've been too close to things you shouldn't, and you're stuck in a limbo state because of it."

Luke: Luke did smile now, so sadly. “You’re the one who got Dr. Frankenstein’ed, babe,” he said softly. “If I’m in limbo, where are you?”

Dana: "I'm a hunter, still in the world I existed in. You're trapped in between, and so is Logan, for different reasons. Knowing us has pushed you to this edge. Logan trying for domesticity is in her own purgatory."

Luke: He was shaking his head before Logan could say anything. “No. I may be stuck but she isn’t. She’s making a life, Dana. It’s not the life you thought she’d have or the nuns thought she’d have but it’s a decent one.

“She’s my best friend. She didn’t push me to any edge any more than you did. Ya’ll didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t blame ya’ll for anything.”

Dana: "Living this life, knowing there are people out there, like me, like the ones that did this to me. Reading or watching the news and hearing peculiar stories, knowing in your heart there's something deeper, and closer. That's her purgatory, and your limbo. If I could take it from you both, I would."

Luke/Logan: “It was never going to be any different, Dana,” Logan finally spoke up. Her voice was just as soft and sad as Luke’s. “I’ve known all that since I was a child. The only thing that could change that is a time machine. But I don’t have one, and neither do you. We do what we can with what we’re given.”

Dana: "What if I were to change that? Free you from these chains. You wouldn't say no to a fresh start and clear head, would you?"

Logan: “This is my fresh start, Dana.”

Logan reached for her brother’s hand. “Luke and I are looking for a place to move into together, I do work that fulfills me. I’m not chained and you aren’t chaining me.”

Dana: "If that's the case, I wouldn't be here. You know that, Logan. Our specialty was vampires, but you knew enough to know that."

Luke: “You’re here because someone Frankenstein’ed you,” Luke said quietly. “Someone that’s probably a lot more powerful than me and Logan.”

Dana: "That wasn't what had me here when I was using a fisherman as a puppet."

Luke: “What are we supposed to do?” Luke wasn’t sure if he was sincerely asking or just voicing despair. Maybe both. “Forget you? Stop loving you? Pretend you never existed?”

Dana: "What would you tell your sister if her husband died?" He remembered that much.

Luke: Luke shrugged helplessly. He could barely figure out what to tell himself. How could he begin to guess what he’d say to console Stella when he had yet to be consoled?

“Probably the same thing I told myself before I realized it was hopeless. That I’d find the son of a bitch who took him from her and make sure he fried for it. You said I sounded defeated, well. Now you know why. Because that is the most naive and most human thing anyone could say and that’s all I’ve got, and I failed completely.”

Dana: Tolvin leaned forward, arms resting on his knees.

"You would tell your sister to find her murderer? That's all you would tell her? Not anything else, Luke?"

Luke: “I would tell her that I would. I’d tell her that I would do everything in my power to get justice for him and for her. I’d do what I couldn’t fucking do for you.”

Dana: "And that would be the rest of her life? To hell with her children, her friends, her future. Only revenge."

Luke: “It would be a damn good start, because nothing I could ever say would make it not hurt. That’s what you’re getting at, isn’t it?”

Luke shook his head. “Logan‘s right. Only thing that could actually help is a goddamn time machine and we’re shit out of luck there. It’s always gonna hurt, Dana. It’s always gonna be heartbreaking and devastating but I’m fucking trying, okay? I moved back here and got a fucking therapist and I’m trying. I’m sorry if that’s not enough for you.”

Dana: "That's not moving forward. Those are steps backwards. That's hiding. That's going someplace safe so you don't have to let go. You're my fetters for a reason. You, Logan, and my daughter."

To that, he leaned back in his seat.

"Don't say things you don't mean."

Luke: Backwards. Hiding. There had been days where getting out of bed and bathing and working and breathing had felt like Herculean tasks but he’d done them. Getting therapy had made him feel like a failure but he’d done it. Laying himself bare and talking about his innermost thoughts and feelings had made him feel like an exposed nerve but he’d done that, too.

He had done everything he could possibly to do pick himself up, even when it was hard, and sometimes he even felt like he was starting to make real progress and get a handle on his life again.

But apparently what Luke saw as effort and progress, Dana saw as hiding. As him moving backwards.

Luke turned his face away and stood. He could recall feeling this way once before, sitting across a dinner table from Dana on an ill-fated date. He hadn’t been able to conceal his hurt then but he could now.

At the very least, he could keep Dana from seeing it.

“I need air,” he mumbled before stepping out onto the porch, closing the door behind him.

Dana: This reaction felt familiar to Tolvin as well. He'd been an expert at pushing people away since his early ears. Only a few had crawled beneath his barbed wire defenses. It was no wonder these two had become his tethers to the Skinlands. He hadn't said everything he intended to. The harshest reality left on his tongue. A question he felt, if asked, would sever Luke as he fetter like a broken piano wire. Looking inward and asking himself why he had fallen so hard and fast for a man he barely knew. A man that mocked and used him for personal and intimate gain.

Dating Luke had been a hasty decision, one which, upon reflection, had nothing to do with the goings on of Edenton. As though one man might have all the answers. It had been for pleasure. He could admit as much to himself. Had long ago. In doing so, he'd harmed this man to his core. And he might again, if only to set him free of his depression.

"He needs air, he says. I need a walk."

Logan: Logan watched Luke go with a sigh. He wasn’t as good at hiding his emotions as he probably hoped he was.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Logan murmured. “Would it really be so bad to just…coddle him a bit? Comfort him, make him feel loved? It’s been so long since you’ve spoken, much less seen each other. You and I both know it isn’t a miracle allowing you to be here now but it should be to him. He deserves to feel like he’s getting a miracle.

“God love him, Dana, he is trying. He wasn’t saying that just to say it. He moved back here because his therapist thought living alone was negatively impacting his mental health and it was. He’s smiled since he’s been here. He talks to people. He works. He goes out. They’re small steps but he’s giving it all that he has.”

Dana: "What you think moving on is, and what the reality is to those of us still here, are not the same. I can't tell you if it's always been that way or not. It's not the same. I've held that man, I've kissed him. I've said words to him I didn't when alive. I've told him truths; I'm not walking backwards to the man I no longer am. I barely understand the one I am now."

Logan: “What you’re saying may be absolutely true and I won’t argue it, but is it really necessary to make him feel like he’s failing? Like his best isn’t enough?”

Logan wouldn’t say that there was no virtue in telling the truth when doing so was cruel but she certainly believed it.

She sighed again. “No, I don’t imagine you do. No one would. I’m not asking you to walk backwards. I’m asking you to just…be kind and gentle.”

Dana: Tolvin considered her a moment, and the man outside. The situation, as it were, was a familiar thought through his long afterlife.

He got to his feet and tucked in his chair.

"We'll be a minute. A long... minute." He headed for the door.

Luke/Logan: "Take as long as you need." An hour. Two even. Logan could only hope that Dana took her words to heart.

She didn't doubt any of what he'd said. His perspective didn't have the limitations that hers and Luke's did; it was beyond anything that they could comprehend and it always would be until they themselves died.

Moving on to them didn't mean the same thing that it did to Dana. She accepted that. For her and Luke and it was about getting past grief. For Dana...

 Luke would be found sitting on the porch steps with his back to the door, staring off at nothing while he listened to the crickets. He wasn't crying. That wasn't why he'd come out here.

Dana: Three fingers gently brushed the top of Luke's hair. One might suspect a spider, if not for the voice which followed.

"Walk with me." Not so much a command as a request, given the placidity of the wraith's tone.

Luke: Luke might have suspected a spider or maybe a moth if he hadn't sensed Dana behind him. And heard the door open, of course.

He nodded to Dana's request and got to his feet. He didn't much feel like talking, but he didn't mind walking. Maybe it would clear his head. If not, then he'd settle for the fresh air.

Dana: They didn't have to talk. If Luke didn't say a word, neither would Tolvin. He led them towards the backyard and between the houses, heading towards the patch of trees and away from the main road. As Logan had pointed out, it was best to stay away from public eye.

Luke: Even if he had wanted to talk, Luke didn’t have the slightest idea of what he would say. What he could say.

He’d put it all out on the table back there and it just hadn’t been enough. It hadn’t been what Dana wanted to hear so…where did that leave him?

Walking along in silence, apparently. If something were to break it, it would have to be from Dana.

Dana: Still, Tolvin said nothing. He'd made up his mind not to until Luke was comfortable. Whenever that would be. Maybe never. For now, however, he would offer his hand. It was such a little thing.

Luke: Luke wasn’t uncomfortable. At a loss maybe but not uncomfortable.

He’d never known where he truly stood with Dana, even after he’d learned he was one of Dana’s tethers. That should have been answer enough—couldn’t be a tether if you meant nothing, right? But somehow the ground between them still felt shaky. Somehow, despite this bond, there was still a distance between them that had almost nothing to do with the fact he was alive and Dana wasn’t.

Luke took his hand. Maybe, just for this moment, that distance was a little less.

Dana: Upon taking, Tolvin stuffed their hands in his jacket pocket. Actions were his love language, if Luke hadn't figured that out yet. Words never his strong point, even in death. Even now, in keeping silent.

Were they meant to come across train tracks? He looked both ways, listened out for... anything.

Luke: Somewhere deep down Luke probably knew that the way they loved was very different. It would be something to reflect on when he was alone and his mind had settled.

Even so, he could cherish the gesture.

There would be no sound but the wind and the crickets. Trains didn’t pass through very often anymore, and when they did, it was usually during the day.

Enveloped in night, there was nothing around to bother them. Nothing physical at least.

Luke was just going to keep walking until Dana said something, the sun rose, or they hit the ocean. Words couldn’t always be his to give.

Dana: Tolvin only realized the direction they were taking when they reached a mile beyond the house. Just a few more miles to go, but the route was now obvious. As that realization dawned on him, the wraith stilled, but only for a moment.

Still, he said nothing. Only if Luke asked would he answer, but for now, they were walking home. His new home. He hadn't a plan. Not after what they'd just been through. Only reaction.

Luke: Luke noticed. It may have only been for a moment but he noticed Dana's hesitation.

He looked around. Nothing had moved. There had been no weird noises or cars or people suddenly appearing, so why had Dana paused?

Luke stopped walking and looked at his companion expectantly. Why had he paused? Had he remembered something? Had something caught his attention?

Dana: After two miles, he expected Luke to inquire. When they reached three, he paused again, looking down at his companion in wonderment. This was what trust looked like, he supposed. It was a quiet affair.

But they'd reached Willow Street. He expected a question.

Luke: The further they walked, the clearer it became that Dana didn't intend to say anything. He was probably waiting for Luke to say something but...he just didn't have the energy. He was mentally worn out and a petty, immature part of him resented always having to say the first word.

He turned and started heading back the way they came. They were miles from the house with no end to their walk in sight; Logan would worry.

Dana: Continuing their taciturn play, Luke was grasped by his wrist. He didn't move forward, but neither did he allow the mortal to retreat.

"Trust me," the wraith finally said.

Luke: Luke heaved a long sigh. "Where are you going?"

Dana: "We're going home. My home."

Luke: "Home?" His brow furrowed as he looked around. The houses were further apart in this area of town, the woods were thicker. Unless Dana was living in a rental or something there was nothing out here except--

"...Do you live at the old Harrak house?"

Dana: Tolvin released his hold long enough to press a button on his watch. Then, signing, he faced Luke head on.

"Yes. This is where I live."

Luke: "That place changed hands a few years back, it's occupied." The frown deepened, grew more suspicious. "How and why do you live there?"

Dana: "You think I don't know that." Not a question, a statement. Almost baffling.

"They are why I am here."

Luke: "'They'? Who the hell is they? Are you telling me someone living in that house brought you back from the dead?"

Dana: "That astounds you more than my standing here?"

Luke: "Who is 'they'?"

Dana: "Vampires."

Luke: "Vampires." Luke didn't sound surprised. Maybe he should have. Maybe if he'd heard the same thing before this evening it would have but it was as Dana had said.

Why should that astound him when he was standing here? Why should anything anymore? Luke wasn't even certain if he believed it but he had no reason not to. Dana wouldn't make up some bullshit lie after all that had happened.

Luke was quiet for a few long moments before he turned and started walking back home again.

He didn't want to see that house. He didn't want yet another reminder of how weak and powerless he was. And more than anything, he didn't want confirmation of the suspicions whispering in the dark corners of his mind.

So all he said was, "Logan will worry."

Dana: "You don't want to see where I sleep? See how I function? What I can do, Luke?"

After a few seconds, he began to follow behind.

Luke: Sniffles preceded a shake of Luke's head.

Dana wasn't supposed to be sleeping there. Wasn't supposed to be functioning or doing anything at all in that house of vampires. He was supposed to be somewhere safe, somewhere peaceful.

Not in a creepy old house people had been telling ghost stories about since he was a little kid.

If Dana caught up to him, Luke would reach behind for his hand but he wouldn't stop walking. He needed to take Dana back where it was safe and peaceful and light.

Dana: Luke's hand would be taken, only after the button on his watch was pressed again. Less than two minutes. Had he shown Luke anything, and traumatized this man, he would have taken it away. Had Rosmond reset the clock by honor of favor.

Because he loved this man. And when he took his hand, it was placed back in his pocket for safe keeping.

Luke/Logan: He squeezed Dana's hand. His eyes were fixed on the street ahead, mind focused on home to chase any dark thoughts away. If making it so Dana could spend some time away was the only thing Luke could do for him, then he was going to do it. He wasn't going to interrupt it by letting them go back to that place.

By the time they got back, Logan would be pacing up and down the sidewalk outside the house. There was visible relief when she saw them approach.

"Thank god, I was about to go look for you."

Dana: Still assessing if this was running away, or a rescue mission, when Tolvin laid eyes upon his sister.

"Think I can't bring him back in one piece?"

He wouldn't be revealing his intention to her, either. He couldn't see that going over.

"Just a walk."

Luke's hand was squeezed in return.

Luke/Logan: It was both. Luke was avoiding the confirmation of his worst fears and by doing so, giving Dana a reprieve from them.

“I know you can,” Logan said softly with a smile to match, and she did. But even a blind man could see how upset Luke was.

Luke wiped his face with his sleeve. “Gonna get some water,” he mumbled as he went inside.

Dana: Tolvin remained where Luke left him. Looking up at Logan from the bottom of the steps. So, they'd gone on this walk. What now? He was playing it by ear.

Logan: She waited until Luke had been inside for a few moments before she spoke.

“How did it go?”

Dana: "We... held hands." Was that what she wanted? Doubtful, but it was something.

Logan: “Yes you did,” said Logan, smiling. She’d seen them as they’d approached the house. Despite Luke’s upset, it was a lovely sight.

“Did you talk more?”

Dana: "I think we did." A very minimal conversation, but a conversation just the same. "Do we leave now?" Because he had no clue.

Logan: “I’m glad, Dana. Truly.”

Logan took her phone from her pocket to check the time. Late for them, but still early for those in charge of Dana.

“When do you have to be back?”

Dana: "Dawn." As far as leashes went, his was decently long.

Logan: “Then we’ve got some time. Dawn is still a ways away.”

She glanced behind her for a moment. “Do you want to stay here or go back to the cabin?”

Dana: "I'll do... whatever he wants to do." That had become his decision on the walk home.

Logan: Logan nodded. “Then we’d better go in. I doubt he’ll stay up all night but you can stay with him until he falls asleep.”

Dana: "Is this me staying and you going?"

Logan: "It can be, if that's what you'd like. I can come and get you before dawn and take you back home."

Dana: "I can walk." But that probably wasn't the point. Probably something about spending time with him.

Tolvin nodded to the door. "Go ask him what he wants."

Luke/Logan: “I’ll be right back.”

No, it wasn’t. Logan hadn’t expected this situation but now that it was before her, the thought of being away from Dana was unbearable.

Maybe it was because she’d missed him, maybe it was because she knew where he was going home to, but Logan couldn’t not see him home.

Luke felt the same way. He was laying in bed upstairs when Logan found him, staring at nothing the way he did sometimes while still paying attention to his surroundings.

He nodded when Logan asked if he wanted Dana to stay with him tonight, and nodded again when she asked if he was okay with her leaving them alone.

She returned downstairs a few minutes later, holding the door open for her brother in invitation.

Dana: Tolvin had kept his promise to see her again. Actions, again, his love language. He would see her after tonight, too. He was resolved to the idea, despite putting in his complaints.

"Are you gonna get some sleep?" he asked, stepping over the threshold.

Logan: “I’ll try,” Logan said with a nod. She didn’t know how much she would be able to get but maybe she could manage at least a couple of hours. She had a busy day tomorrow and a nap was better than no sleep at all.

“He’s up in his bedroom. I’ll be back before dawn.”

Dana: "I'd rather you sleep."

Like muscle memory, Tolvin leaned in to kiss his sister's cheek. Without another word, he began his ascent to Luke's bedroom. He'd been in this house before, with another body. This too, felt like muscle memory.

In the same taciturn light, Luke was greeted with a fixed, gentle stare. Wondering what it was he was thinking. In this form, he couldn't simply read his mind.

He began removing his clothes. His jacket, shirt, never averting his gaze, until sitting his clothes at the foot of the bed. Once his shoes were kicked off, he was joined, laying slowly, as though sudden movement would startle like a frightened deer.

Luke: In the time between Logan’s departure and Dana’s arrival, Luke had taken off his jeans and shirt and donned his sleep shirt. It was getting too cold at night to sleep shirtless but it wasn’t quite cold enough for pajama pants.

This in between was what Dana would find when he entered the room.

Luke had just gotten under the covers, and although he’d been expecting Dana, it hadn’t occurred to him that Dana would join him, or even want to.

He said nothing, did nothing. Merely watched and loosely clutched his covers to his chest like he couldn’t quite believe what was happening, like maybe he was just that tired and his mind was playing tricks on him.

Dana: Tolvin remained sat up on his side, studying the confused man beneath him as though a long-lost book. At some point, he expected Luke to move, to say something. In the meantime, he would begin making himself comfortable.

Luke: No matter how tired he was, there was no denying the shifting weight on the mattress or the unique awareness of another person lying beside him. His mind wasn’t playing tricks on him.

Dana was joining him.

Luke didn’t say a word, but after some debate, he sank further into the bed and turned so he was facing Dana. He tucked one hand under his pillow and offered the other.

Dana: Tolvin looked at the hand a few seconds before taking it. Warmth. Smooth, masculine skin, with a hint of hair on his knuckles. This was a mortal life, a mortal texture. As so many wraiths, Tolvin quickly got lost in sensation.

Luke: Luke wondered what Dana was thinking about as his hand was held. Was he marveling at this like Luke was? Was he counting down the hours or the minutes until he had to go home to that house of ghosts?

Subconsciously, Luke squeezed his hand. Squeezes as if…he was trying to hold on to him. To keep him from going away.

He held Dana’s hand to his chest and breathed deeply, closing his eyes.

Dana: Rather unlike Luke, he thought, to be so quiet. And he realized, outside of Logan, he'd never spoken as much as he had with this man, making the silence noticeable.

It was enough to pull him from his trance.

"Leaving before dawn."

Luke: Tiredness was finally catching up with him. His day had been long, the emotional turmoil grueling. It was all he could do not to pass out.

Luke nodded. “Okay,” he murmured, scooting closer. That was one question answered; they had a few more hours still.

Dana: Tolvin closed his eyes as well, though sleep would not reach him yet. Not at night, and a night like this. He could sleep during the day, with everyone else in the Harrak house.

Luke: Unable to shake the feeling that he was pushing his luck, Luke scooted closer still. And he’d keep doing it, until he hit the immovable force that was Dana’s chest or Dana told him to stop.

“Don’t leave without saying goodbye,” Luke whispered. “Wake me if you have to.”

Dana: Tolvin maneuvered his arm underneath Luke's body, allowing him to all but lay completely on his chest. He didn't mind. This was their default.

"Alright," he whispered.

Luke: Luke settled in comfortable and sighed with the heartfelt weariness of the exhausted. He was quickly losing the battle with sleep.

“Promise?” He could rest if Dana promised. It would mean one more chance to see his face until…he didn’t know when.

Dana: His tone remained quiet as he promised, turning his head to kiss whatever part of Luke he could. Mortals were exceptionally stubborn creatures. Was it any wonder everyone he ever loved had that same streak?

He would rest his eyes, for now, lulled by Luke's breathing.