#get a science degree and wasn't allowed to by my parents who said engineering pays better
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i should've gone for a science degree.
#maybe i would've been just as miserable there idk. but i am resentful that i wanted originally to#get a science degree and wasn't allowed to by my parents who said engineering pays better#and that our country doesn't pay researchers and teachers well so i shouldn't get a science degree.#idk maybe i'm just at that stage where i'm thinking if alternative ways my life would have gone as a form of escapism#(and a poor form of escapism because it just makes me more miserable in the end)#i don't know what to do. even the fleeting mention or getting an image in my head of university#gives me very painful heart palpitations to the point i feel i'm going to die#when i sleep i get constant nightmares. i am so miserable.#i want to do my life differently but can't.#i can't do anything. i don't know anyone. the only contacts on my phone are my parents.#no friends no life no nothing. my hobbies make me miserable. i can't focus on anything.#i'm not a part of anything. i don't love anything. i am very lonely.#i am growing resentful of everything. i don't think i could hate myself more.#i am SICK of me truly sick
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