#i am SICK of me truly sick | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feluka · 1 year

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i should've gone for a science degree.

#maybe i would've been just as miserable there idk. but i am resentful that i wanted originally to #get a science degree and wasn't allowed to by my parents who said engineering pays better #and that our country doesn't pay researchers and teachers well so i shouldn't get a science degree.#idk maybe i'm just at that stage where i'm thinking if alternative ways my life would have gone as a form of escapism #(and a poor form of escapism because it just makes me more miserable in the end)#i don't know what to do. even the fleeting mention or getting an image in my head of university #gives me very painful heart palpitations to the point i feel i'm going to die #when i sleep i get constant nightmares. i am so miserable.#i want to do my life differently but can't.#i can't do anything. i don't know anyone. the only contacts on my phone are my parents.#no friends no life no nothing. my hobbies make me miserable. i can't focus on anything.#i'm not a part of anything. i don't love anything. i am very lonely.#i am growing resentful of everything. i don't think i could hate myself more.#i am SICK of me truly sick

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bunnyboy-juice · 2 months

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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???

#personal #i am emotional yes #over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme #nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post #and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity #especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making #if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care #i just needed to scream #and this is one small thing #but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks #saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that #my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten #i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked #-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also #and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb #a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u #idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit #im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved #im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does #wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun

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vaguely-concerned · 2 months

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you ever think about how the horrific thing dorian almost had done to him... is exactly the thing iron bull went to the reeducators to beg them to do to him. yeah. me either. for ten years straight now. what the fuck. wanna be my narrative foil dude. we could fuck about it if you're game and single

#what if I am your mirror image and what I see in you changes with what I see in myself but we're always reflections. messed up honestly #I really want to write out the proper coherent version of this one day b/c it drives me nuts but for now. truly what the fuck dude #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dorian pavus #iron bull #adoribull #'I wanted them to *fix* me. like they'd fixed them' god. bull.#the horror and desperation of 'you tried to -- *change* me' vs. the horror and desperation of 'I wanted them to *fix* me'#bull's greatest fear is madness. I feel sick.

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weregonnabecoolbeans · 2 months

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Julian Blackthorn’s constant awareness of his siblings is both so heartwarming and so heartbreaking to read

#he really is their dad #he thinks the way a parent should think and its amazing #he is always putting them first #checking if they’re okay #making note of what they need #its so sweet knowing how much he cares about them #and how amazing of a job he has done at raising them #but man does it make me sad #because he has done it all at his own expense #the idea of raising FOUR kids from the age of twelve #on top of having your father killed and older brother taken away and sister banished #this poor boy #oh and also secretly and illegally being in love with his parabatai #and secretly running the institute and taking care of his sick uncle without ANYONE finding out #truly one of the strongest and most amazing characters in this franchise #i am always blown away at how much he is constantly taking on #i love julian blackthorn with all my heart #he is just so amazing #julian blackthorn #the dark artifices #lady midnight #the shadowhunter chronicles #shadowhunters #cassandra clare #blackthorns #emma carstairs #ty blackthorn #livvy blackthorn #tavvy blackthorn #kate's post

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anonymocha · 2 months

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Kaalaa Baunaa birthday !!!

#I am printing these on keychains btw.#reverse 1999 #reverse 1999 fanart #mochart #Kaalaa Baunaa #thank you to this character for helping me thru a lot of things #truly the character of all time #i thought she deserves a full color piece for her bday even tho im tired and sick #but anything for kb!!!

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chthonic-kids · 5 months

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Few tales are told of the House of Hades, whose reign as grim lord of the dead came to a sudden end when, all at once, his past caught up with him. But gods do not go quietly, and history repeats.

So this tale was only a matter of Time...

#hades #hades game #hades supergiant #hades 2 #hades 2 spoilers #just in case #i swear to god #the possibility of mel having to fight zag #someone she's built up in her mind because they never got a chance to truly know each other #someone who probably loved her from the moment he knew she was going to exist #it makes me sick #it makes me want to tear chronos to bits #supergiant studios i am in your walls #melinoë supergiant #zagreus supergiant #my stuff

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crumbpigeon · 5 months

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✸ If you could only see the beast you've made of me, I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free ✸

#im truly so in love with her monster girls own my entire life #thank you studio trigger for the fan service #as a fan i was serviced #but also how wounded and betrayed she looks when kabru and laios start attacking her!! im in physical pain #would have finished this way sooner if not for getting sick + my laptop being on its last legs :ccc #but still!! nothing will keep me from drawing her i am obsessed #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #dungeon meshi fanart #falin touden #chimera falin #falin dungeon meshi #dunmeshi falin #falin fanart #falin #myart

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ptanalo · 3 months

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I was talking shop with dani and also a diagram I did a day ago abt their dynamics where it's just neon third-wheeling

#valorant #my art #fade #deadlock #fadelock #lightningstorm #neon #jett #neon x jett #fade x deadlock #I have spilled so many thoughts on twitter it's embarrassing truly how sick in the head I am abt these agents #also dani enables me so sweet I lvoe them

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thedreadvampy · 3 months

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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

#red said #recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis #like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes #and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not #for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening #i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine #as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital #as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin #ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes #some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am #bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me #like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD #there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife #but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't #tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us #like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well #i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point #anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also #been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them #i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it #most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables #honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk #is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry

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daftpatience · 7 months

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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

#theres no peace #every little thing reminds me we are poor #seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time #im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly #the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job #and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support #and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money #because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live #its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin #time #cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for #sorry for the ranting i cant sleep #truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin #more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful #i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it #i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things #spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income #not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it

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bipedalcapybara · 1 month

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Retreat to the covers from the sound of the rain.

#mia winters #ethan winters #mithan #resident evil #re7 #re8 #resident evil 7 #resident evil 8 #resident evil biohazard #resident evil village #Hi Evil Resident Heads I Am Back With More #Friend Vio DM'd Me A Still From What I Just Now Discovered Was The ChaIIengers Movie And Said It Was Mithan So I Opened Clip Studio Paint #Can't Wait To Play RE7 Myself : ) Did Watch A Condensed Playthru A Little Bit Ago But Like I Said In My Prev Post I Am On An RE Kick Rn #They Fascinate Me . Bi4Bi T4T Sick In The Head4Sick In The Head It Makes Me Ill #They Unintentionally Hurt Each Other So Much (Mostly Mia Needless To Say) But They Also Truly Love And Care For Each Other So Much #I Believe So At Least #And It Hurts Me To See </3 Their Whole Thing Is So Messy And Beautiful To Me #Oh Also Listen To Amber Run's The Weight .... Beautiful Cozy Song Give It A Listen #P.S. Mia Is Wasian Send Tweet #my art

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thefishdeath · 6 months

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Never feel more masc then the times I try to look fem

#Crossdressing as a woman is truly the epitome of being a man #I HAVE to be the most confusing person at the grocery store #Voice of boy? but makeup like girl? but boy mannerisms? Girl hair? Boob? lesbianism? Man? Woman? Man? They? It? Maybe #You'll never fucking know. I hope it keeps you up at night #Committing gender fuckary? In my city?. it's more likely than you would think #It's very obvious how boy I am when I try to girl #I love being a weird little guy #I'm that boy thing wearing a dress what's not clicking here #Transmascs im telling you WEAR THAT MAKEUP!!!!!#PUT ON THAT DRESS!!!#only if you want to ofc but there is nothing more euphoric then dressing like a woman and still feeling like a man #but that's the process. A couple years ago wearing nail polish made me sick to my stomach. AND IM AGENDER!!!!#totally just like rambled in the tags mb #transgender #trans masc #transmasc #agender ism #genderqueer #nonbinary #trans man #trans joy #just fishdeath-ing #genderfluid #genderfuck #multigender #xenogender #genderflux #abinary #transneutral #don't know why I'm tagging this so hard but i learned like three new terms so that pretty cool

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artbyfuji · 1 year

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let's all buy her concert tickets together 🤠

#500 boom sound effects #summer rose #strq #my art #lets also take ibuprofen together <3 #i truly need it <3 #FULL LEATHER OUTFITTT ‼️‼️‼️ *ripping shirt off*#everyone draw her beefy and sweaty and with a guitar. now.#cut me so much slack right now i just colored a sketch that still makes me moan. wait huh?#summer i'm your biggest fannnn RAHHHHH ‼️‼️ raven don't even look in my direction. you 🫵 youuuu🫵 i aM SICK OF YOU 🫵🫵🫵#anyway. someone iv drip vocalist summer directly into my veins. heart emoji. (who got the defibrillator?)

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pr · 10 months

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can you imagine getting diagnosed w like top 3 worst mental disorders ever and then everyone on the internet is like "you are untreatable you are a monster" like oopsies sorry ive gotten better and took the meds i needed and gotten the therapy and i am thriving<3 is my humanity still non-negotiable or

#sorry i love r*ddit but their generalized takes on bpd make me sick #like i truly did not realize the extent my diagnosis had until i saw how ppl on there treated it like i had been/am ALWAYS mental health #positive so to see the way bpd was treated like......it was truly shocking to say the least #borderline personality disorder #bpd #borderline #actually borderline #bpd tag #like sorry i kno this isnt my usual content but sometimes i am reminded how fucking much i am supposed to be terrible #and am truly so grateful i am 1 in a place where that doesnt effect me #2 i have done the work i am needed to be confident i am doing the right thing and can say i am genuinely better #mental health #op

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mintjeru · 5 months

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i should probably be practicing how to draw yuder given i'm having a hard time w/ him but kishiar,,,

open for better quality | no reposts

#kishiar la orr #turning novel #터닝 #fanart #myart #doodle #almost 200 chapters in and i am frothing at the mouth about the sword scar scene where kishiar explains why he needs yuder by his side #the tension and loyalty and guilt between them makes me sick (keep it up guys)#i have so much going on today and i definitely spent too long on the screen reading yesterday so i probably shouldn't continue today #however. this story hasn't left my head for a second #i even went out for a walk yesterday and my mind kept drifting back to it #truly i have not felt this level of insanity since i read t.gcf #tldr. i need somewhere to scream about this but instead i drew kishiar #he is not a green flag he's a literal forest and i love that about him #edit: just read chapter 200. good lord. i am never gonna be over this

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bradshawsbitch · 2 years

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miles teller at the 2023 critics choice awards

#miles teller #miles teller gifs #*muffled sobbing*#I AM SCREAMING DADDY SO LOUD MY THROAT IS RAW #GOD FUCK SHIT #THIS MAN #FUCK ME UNTIL I LOSE MY VISION FOR FUCKS SAKE #LIKE TRULY JUST BLACK OUT VISION GONE NO THOUGHTS HEAD EMPTY #I AM JUST--- SOOOO NORMAL ABOUT THIS #UNWELL #HE IS SO SICK FOR THIS #THE FUCKINGNGGGN HEAD TILTED UP??? DADDY``???? ?? ?#DADDY? SORRY. DADDY? SORRY. DADDY?#MY GIFS #OH JESUS HELL #I WILL NEVER RECOVER #flashing gif tw #flashing tw #flash cw

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