#get ur shit together squeenix

[alewyren]

it’s 2 am and I need to rant at length about the romance in bravely default/bravely second

Okay, so, I like the Bravely series overall. I just really, really fucking hate every single one of its three main ships. In descending order of hostility:

Edea/Ringabel

This pairing hurts my soul. Edea is my all-time fave and I quite like Ringabel as well, yet somehow it’s managed to become my bar-none NOTP for the franchise. Which is ironic, since I actually ship Alternis/Edea pretty hard. But honestly, it’s precisely because I love Edea and her complicated relationship with Alternis so much that RinDea makes me want to go on a stabbing spree.

Let me explain.

I don’t inherently object to the idea of Edea and Ringabel being together. What I hate is how their relationship is written. On paper, their relationship is actually super interesting. What with Ringabel’s previous life as Alternis, having lost his own Edea, and loving her much more deeply than he lets on. The problems are twofold: this only covers half the pairing, ignoring Edea’s feelings for the two men altogether, and this aspect of their relationship is never capitalized on. Instead, 99% of their interactions are generic slap-slap-kiss bullshit, with Ringabel’s advances being shot down every single time. Except of course she totally secretly loves him. And to make matters worse, she’s 15. He’s 20. Yeah, totally not creepy at all. I have no idea what Squeenix was thinking here.

Like, you’d think Edea would have a lot of conflicted feelings over the whole Alternis revelation, but it never even gets addressed! Because her feelings don’t matter, apparently? Like, why pair Edea with another incarnation of Alternis and not acknowledge her strained relationship with her Alternis?! Or maybe have Ringabel actually respect Edea’s feelings to lay off the creepy flirting if he really loves her so much? Seriously, how did Alternis’s personality do a complete 180 like that anyway? That still bothers me. You could say you like the relationship for the potential but IMO the damage is already irreparable. The most I can hope for is that they can never be together for plot reasons and Edea ultimately ends up working things out with her Alternis and they marry down the line--something that also desperately needs to happen with Ringabel since he still carries the emotional baggage associated with being Alternis but nope, never addressed, all you need for a stable and happy relationship is a perv who doesn’t know the meaning of no and an UNDERAGE girl who turns him down but secretly likes it because no always means yes, amiright? Fuck this pairing and fuck Squeenix for writing them like this.

And yeah the age difference gripe applies to Alternis as well but he’s much less aggressive when coming onto her, and when he is, it’s treated as a character flaw. Besides, I only see the two of them getting together way in the future after they’ve both matured. Also, can I just point out that Edea’s bravely second outfit, apparently meant to signify her lingering feelings for Ringabel, looked awful? Blue is not remotely her color, and being lovelorn for Ringabel does not suit her at all. Why does she love him? What draws her to him? Clearly she doesn’t love him for being Alternis, though it’s not even clear if it’s in spite of that. It’s never even explained, it’s just assumed that she must love him because he loves her. it’s gross as fuck smh

And like the entire fandom ships it and doesn’t even stop to think about how gross their relationship really is and I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF

Oh, and another thing! Why was Edea’s ONLY personal damage, according to Yoko, just being tfw no bf? God forbid a woman have a character or struggles independent of her totally shoehorned feelings for a guy. Nothing about the stress of ruling Eternia, nothing about how she still clings to childhood despite her character development in the first game, literally just being lonely because no Ringabel. She’s my darling daughter and she deserves so much better than this utter and complete shit.

Yew/Magnolia

What grinds my gears about this pairing is that while it was indeed a totally forced romantic plot tumor that would have changed absolutely nothing about the narrative had it not been a thing, Yew’s character did not suffer from it at all while Magnolia’s was completely consumed. Yew was actually a really good character, why did Magnolia completely lack any substance whatsoever? MAXIMUM THENKING

For that matter, Altair and Vega could have been a lot more interesting, too, and it’s not like the parallels between them and Yew/Magnolia had any impact on the characters or narrative. It was just kind of a thing, y’know? It could have been interesting if it foreshadowed Yew and Magnolia becoming star-crossed lovers themselves, or even Yew tearing down the sky to save Magnolia. But no. Seriously, what was the point of this relationship? It added nothing to the narrative or either of their characters, and their interactions were just so forced and painful to watch.

Come to think of it, during my first playthrough of Bravely Second, though, I’d actually thought the narrator who turned out to be Deneb was Vega, and I still think that would have been a more interesting route to take with Vega. Actually give her some agency and presence in the narrative beyond being the damsel in distress and whatnot.

Tiz/Agnes

I’m less openly hostile towards this pairing so much as I am immensely bored by it and saddened by its wasted potential to be something interesting. There was actually very little buildup to them being any more than just friends, for starters. No, writers, just because a man and woman are single and interact does not mean the audience automatically assumes they want to bang, and neither should you. Tiz not really having any sort of personality doesn’t help matters, though. Agnes in general has kind of lowkey born sexy yesterday vibes that make me a bit uncomfortable, what with how naive she is about worldly matters and how sexed up she is in official art of her vestal garb. And with Tiz being a literal player insert it comes off a little fetishy, like she’s supposed to be your waifu rather than a substantial and believable relationship forming between two actual characters. Oh Tiz, why did you have to be such a flat character?

I actually think it would have been a lot more interesting if Yew/Magnolia had been scrapped altogether, and it was Tiz/Agnes that had the parallels drawn with Altair and Vega. Especially if they actually went somewhere narratively, like I mentioned earlier with the two of them becoming star-crossed lovers or Tiz tearing down the sky for Agnes like Altair did for Vega. Maybe even to the point of his love for her leading to catastrophe. Cliche? Maybe, but at least there would be some actual substance to their relationship rather than coming off like they’re just pairing them because they’re the hero and heroine and it’s the rule for them to get together. And since their relationship was established in the first game and we have some attachment to them as characters, as opposed to Yew and Magnolia, it’d wind up being a lot more emotionally engaging. Not to mention it’d add a lot more emotional weight to Altair and Vega’s story, too.

Shit, Altair was even possessing Tiz for a while, wasn’t he? This shit literally writes itself! What a wasted opportunity.

I dunno, my thoughts on these two are a lot more scattered. They just make me bored and depressed.

[delmorii]

Just finished the bridge between ARR and HW so here's yet another list of parting thoughts before starting Heavensward:

* note: it took me WEEKS to get through this so I honestly dont remember everything but ill do my best

* note 2: putting under cut because i apparntly have a LOT of thoughts about this arc

-yugiri girl how do you breathe in that mask

-alphinaud your man-voice still bothers me

-still a glorified errand boy

-I am legit mad I cant hug tataru at every available moment of playing

-pretty sure f'lahminn or whatever her name is will betray us. Legit dont trust the bitch who heard her daughter she hasnt seen in 7ish years is alive and well and decides to send the WoL to get her perfume

-aymeric's voice is CONCERNINGLY hot

-even so this part was way too fucking long for an in-between of expansions but I think someone told me they weren't sure if they'd continue the game? idk either way this quest series was way too fucking long.

-that said, ending had me sobbing for a solid 30 minutes but before i dive into that fresh hell:

-def foresaw moenbryda dying, but was N O T prepared for hearing Urianger close to tears. Oh my god. Oh my god urianger I want to hug you so bad

-nabriales has the most obnoxious voice ever holy fuck can we please kill him

-oh sweet lol

-estenien is suddenly just super fucking chill and focused? Is no one surprised he said theres a second azure dragoon why is that being skimmed over. AYMERIC. AYMERIC PAY ATTENTION ESTENIEN JUST FUCKING SAID THERE WAS A SECOND AZURE DRAGOON AND YOU DIDNT EVEN NOTICE

-midgardsormr legit saying he wouldn't harm a dragoon? whose literal one job is to kill dragons. Also homeboy why u telling me exactly when the dragons' assault on ishgard is starting, you are seriously bad at this. Shut ur tiny little mouth

-pretty sure Yuyuhase is gunna betray us too, motherfucker just dismisses reliable intel that there were more weapons? Bitch

-Riol or Rion, whatever his name is with the eyepatch and heavy accent, he's hot, I like him

-alright onto those motherfuckin cutscenes: NANAMO OH MY GODDDDDD. OH MY GOD WHY DID THEY SHOW  HER PANIC AND FEAR SO WELL. OH MY GOD. NANAMO OH MY GOD SWEET GIRL

-teledji can smd what a cuntasaurus rex oh my god

-yep theres the yuyuhase betrayal, called it

-literally when teledji mocked nanamo's death I whispered “murder him raubahn” and MY MAN DELIVERED LMFAO MOTHERFUCKER CUT HIM CLEAN IN HALF IN FRONT OF A CROWD WHAT A BADASS

-DID NOT FORESEE ILBERD BETRAYAL OH MY GOD RAUBAHN FUCK HIM UPPPPPPPP. Also the creepyass shot of ilberd's grin was disturbing, really well done

-RAUBAHN WAS DONE DIRTY

-FUCK THEM UP THANCREDDDD. I love him when they play on his scoundrel tendencies but then he just FUCKS PEOPLE UP I LOVE IT

-kinda wish I felt more toward yda and papalymo, they're adorable but idk. Def felt pangs when minfillia extended a hand to them tho, ouch

-FUUUUUUUCK NOOO NOT THANCRED AND Y'SHTOLA TOO

-UUUUUUUUUUGH FUCK THIS GAME

-and.... minfillia? Does this mean im no longer an errand boy

-THANK FUCK ALPHINAUD SURVIVED

-PIPIN INSTANT NEW FAVOURITE. They made a lalafell badass?????? I love him instantly oh my god

-and homeboy from the start of the game saving us, niiiiice

-CID IS ALIVE AND SAFE THANK FUCK

-SO IS URIANGER THANK FUCK SECONDED

-AND TATARU

-am I really having to listen to a fucking 16 year old whine about hid life choices. Like yeah I get it but alphinaud get your fucking shit together we got our work cut out for us

-also I guess haurchefant is neat but ive had to listen to people gush about him for a long time so I was kind of already over him before I even met him, but we'll see if HW changes my mind. I know what happens but knowing what happened to nanamo in advance did NOT prepare me for the cutscene with her oh my goddddd

-URIANGER????? URIANGER NO WHY ARE YOU WITH ASCIANS PLS SQUEENIX I CANT HANDLE IF HE BETRAYS US TOO

[morriggan]

kh3 comes out in a week (!!!!!) and i have some kh hottakes and kh3 predictions/wishes bc im emotional and ive been playing this series since i was 5 years old lmfao but feel free to chat w me about them!!!!!!!

i love xion just as much as the next person but why would they waste the BEST character theme and battle music on this tiny tiny character that showed up for 5 seconds compared to the series in total lol. 

if they dont confirm that riku and sora love each other as more than friends (even if they dont end up like, together) then im lowkey callin queerbaiting. is that a stretch? idk

i really want for the end of kh3 that some characters dont go home, and at least three of them stay back (rebuild the land of departures?) and become fulltime masters and take on kids to train

i want sora to GO HOME AND STAY HOME (for a while at least) at the end

i want kh3 to be the last real game (they can make spinoffs all they want idc but they should End It for good here)

i know this is the end of the xehanort saga but according to nomura, he said kh3 isnt the last of soras story but like..... why not. it should be tbh

kh would be more accessible if they just modeled it more after ff i think. it doesnt need to be dark or mature or anything but if they handled the crossover thing better i think a lot more people would be down for this series (even w the complicated plot)

speaking of, they have to clear up a million plot holes in kh3. was sora the only chosen one and then the keyblade just required more people later on? never explained. how can roxas be “saved” when sora is alive? makes no sense, based on everything dictated in kh2 and days

mickey should not be one of the 7. his role shouldve stayed super limited and mysterious like it was in kh1. his inclusion as a major character in kh2 and onward is..... awful lol. 

they shouldve introduced a new original character as one of the 7 and tied in khux at the same time (we know time travel is do-able bc idk young nort was able to do that)

i fully know this would make the plot more wild but if we tie in an original character from daybreak town, it would come full circle and make khux like, idk, worth it

i want the FORETELLERS TO COME BACK AND BE IMPORTANT TO KH3

also i need an explanation for why larxene and marluxia cant wield keyblades when they are nobodies of keyblade wielders..... like thats why roxas was unique right so... why squeenix

overall i think khux was a huge mistake but its so fun to play that i almost dont care anymore lmfao

aqua better be saved or im throwing the whole game in the trash lol

AQUA KAIRI BONDING MOMENTS TOO OH MY GOD

i want many more cutscenes explaining all the drama happening between ansem the wise and xehanort and the other apprentices. what was the lead up to xehanort going from seeing AtW as a father figure to then betraying him and stealing his research and identity? like throw me a bone here that shits interesting!!!!

pls no more drive form grinding for upgrades just to reach treasures and collectables (see: kh2.5 and the stickers, and the cavern of remembrance)

let me be clear, i love hidden dungeons that are challenging. just let me rely on leveling my base stats over relying on my drive form upgrades and abilities to finish these dungeons

mad that everyone got cool new outfits (except kairi sweet girl im so sorry they made u look younger than u did in the first game i hate it. u deserved better baby) but lea. lea is still in the black org coat and there better be an explanation for that at the very least (or they just did trailers w him in the black coat and he does get an outfit that they didnt want to spoil??? i highly doubt this but i can hope)

i caved in and watched the leaked kh3 intro and a few things: 1) it really doesnt spoil that much and if u want to watch it but ur scared, literally dont be its fine. 2) its good, but squeenix has REALLY lost its touch w intro movies nowadays. they cram every second w symbolism and they dont take their time to just.... show us something good. like i couldnt blink at all during this intro lmfao. its a little annoying but despite all that, its alright. 3) the first minute of face my fears is CHILLING, WIG-SNATCHING, LIKE UTADA IS A LYRICAL AND MUSICAL GENIUS, but then the rest of the song is objectively awful im sorry its true and im gonna say it

last hot take: i usually hate remasters and re-releases, but im glad squeenix released all the kh games on one platform eventually. that being said, kh1.5 and kh2.5 dont have shit on the original ps2 titles. i completely realize i sound like a bitter old man but i dont care, the original numbered titles are better on ps2.