#girlsinpunk riotgrrrl kettlefingers skatelikeagirl

[ellefingers]

AFRESH

Well then fine. Be that way. Leave.

No, I’m not angry. Just disappointed… The band I’ve come to rely on for my emotional and creative output had broken up. It was funny how it felt a lot like a relationship break-up. I was also experiencing the stages of grief. Now, my long lost love of writing has become my emotional output. Therefore, this crappy production of my thoughts into attempted strings of sentences.

Maybe it was the fact that I had just found out I may need surgery on my knee and would not be skating for a long time (roller derby/skating was another major part of my life) plus the bomb drop from my guitarist that she wasn’t feeling motivated anymore and was quitting the band that made my mind go, “shit. Shit. SHIT.” And then kinda just imploded. The only times I exploded was in the sanctuary and privacy of my car. Nobody wanna see that shit. Yea… third world problems. Others have been through worse. Quit your whining. But when some things have become so ingrained in your life and it was all suddenly ripped apart all at once, it’s pretty human to have feelings of loss. So please excuse me while I drown my feelings in writing.

Bands break up and/or change line-ups all the time… It’s no biggy really. We’ve had awesome times, hardly any dramas some bands go through. No pressure, just good slacker times, playing music that’s not very popular but presentable enough. Perhaps that was where we went wrong. We hardly had any goals. We just wanted to play. It was baffling because only weeks before the break-up, we had a wicked jam and wrote a new song that I was damn proud of. It was another major disappointment we couldn’t release it. This was the year we were gonna put out an album, write new songs, get our shit together and have something to show for. The other other major disappointment… we broke up before we had anything to show for. We sure as hell stayed true to our ‘No Pressure’ motto. So much so that the motivation was lost. But hey… we made t-shirts!

¾ of the band was still intact, though. Me (singer), bassist and drummer. We’ve decided to find a new guitarist and start afresh. Our old guitarist had another band and started afresh too. “Afresh”. Weird word. “Affffreshhhh.” We acquired a new guitarist, had our first jam and I was pretty stoked with the outcomes. We’ve decided to dig deeper into our riot grrrl roots with this new band. Let's sing songs about vaginas! Somehow I don’t think the only male in our band (drummer) would mind that. Perhaps being more goal oriented might help with motivation? Our first pancake failed… Sort of. The second one has gotta be better… Sort of.

Settle down, feelings. It’s only a band… a band that wasn’t yours to lose. My heart was in it though. Perhaps that was why it hurt so much. Don’t get me wrong, I do not blame the guitarist. There was no ill feelings towards her. I do wish her all the best and success with her new band. Another grrrl band is always exciting. We need more grrrl bands down here in South Western Australia. We need more grrrls at skate parks. We just need more grrrls involved in things that are commonly male-dominated. I know for sure that most males encourage this step. So far, I have met with nothing but support from my male counterparts when I skate at skate parks and performed on stage. So grrrls… what are you waiting for? Get out there and do the awesome.