#god loves him where jeremiah hated him but ashley hates god still.

[deputystakes-a2]

that being said. ashley’s problem isn’t that god hates him. it’s that god loves him too much.

[heartsoulrocknroll]

American Idol Season 17 - Top 20 Solos

Madison VanDenburg - Domino - Another fantastic vocal from Madison. What's new? Normally I wouldn't be a fan of this song choice (see Jurnee's karaoke last year), but that huge voice of Madison's made it work. She really is so reminiscent of Kelly Clarkson, except better at 17 than Kelly was at 20 during in her season. Grade: A-

Shawn Robinson - Jealous - This performance didn't really excite me at all, but it was very good. Aside from one place where his voice kinda broke, this was a pretty perfect vocal. Super impressive runs there at the end. Just didn't really make me feel anything. Grade: B

Laine Hardy - Bring It On Home - I loved everything about this and have listened to it so many times. I loved the vocal, the song choice, the arrangement, the overall vibe -- everything about this performance felt like exactly what Laine should be doing. He has figured out who he is and he's trying to win this thing. Grade: A-

Uche - Figures - Uche. Sir. What you gonna do? (Quote Lionel). This was so so good. He packed everything he's capable of into one 90 second performance -- the falsetto opening, the runs, the deep chest voice, the holleration at the end. Listen, that run on "figures" at the beginning was one of my favorite runs I've ever heard. And when he threw the mic stand down, I fully lost my mind. Grade: A-

Eddie Island - Ho Hey - This was probably Eddie's best vocal thus far. I really like his voice when he sings in his lower register. When he goes higher, his voice gets this shaky quality that becomes very distracting. I don't know. This was fine. I still just can't care that much. Grade: B-

Evelyn Cormier - Leaving on a Jet Plane - Oh yay, we're back to Evelyn singing ballads. This was pretty dismal. I wish someone would do their job and tell her to sing with her real voice because it seems clear that she has one. But the faked tone and ridiculous enunciation isn't gonna cut it. Grade: C+

Alyssa Raghu - Ain't It Fun - Another good vocal from Alyssa. She's consistently good vocally. She needs to stop listening to the judges quite so much, get this "I'm a pop star" crap out of her head or at the very least out of her mouth (because I cringe every time), and just choose a song that showcases her vocal strengths. This was a fine performance, but I don't really care about it. Grade: B

Ryan Hammond - You Say - This was a very good vocal. He did a good thing by showcasing his range and his power here. He did get into a little bit of that annoying, throat-closing-up kind of sound when he went into the first chorus. But overall, I liked this. Grade: B+

Raquel Trinidad - Lovefool - This was weird. I was kinda into it at the very beginning but it seemed to get progressively more mediocre. The constant shakiness -- or "vibrato" if you people wanna pretend that's what that is -- of her voice is real annoying. Grade: B-

Logan Johnson - Love Don't Live Here Anymore - Y'all, I would have to be paid a significant sum of money to listen to his voice on a regular basis. I can't imagine who enjoys this. Grade: C

Dimitrius Graham - Hello - Not gonna lie, I was a little bit terrified after the opera and the camera angle/close up on Dimitrius' face at the beginning of this performance. But the opera was super impressive. Dude has serious pipes. As for performance proper, it started off nicely, and he hit some real impressive notes on the chorus. He started to get a bit off the rails toward the end and made a few vocal choices I did not understand. But this was pretty wild and overall, I enjoyed the wildness of it. Grade: B+

Riley Thompson - Jolene - Lol everything about this was ridiculous -- from the song choice (far beyond the lyrical vocab of a 16 year old) to the exaggerated accent on the word "Jolene" (oh sorry I mean "JolAAAyne") to the simply bad vocals. Get this child off my TV. Grade: D+

Walker Burroughs - How Deep is Your Love - Oh my gooood Walker you better siiiiiing. I loved the song choice, I loved the arrangement, I loved every vocal choice. The a capella opening was like heaven on Earth. Like floating on a cloud. The entire vocal was so smooth, so lovely, so perfect. Literally perfect. I'm running out of words to describe how good a singer he is. Grade: A

Bumbly - Vision of Love - The first 30 seconds of this performance were pretty gorgeous. Some seriously impressive runs there. But beyond that, she lost control of the pitch and it was downward spiral with brief moments of greatness sprinkled here and there. Just not a good song choice, I think. Grade: C+

Ashley Hess - Dreaming with a Broken Heart - The first minute of this performance - just Ashley and the piano - was excellent. Tone, pitch, control. It's amazing how quickly and steeply this went downhill when the band came in. It's like she forgot everything she knew about singing, because some of those vocal choices ???????¿ Yikes. I am highly distressed by the disparity between how much I enjoyed the beginning and how much I hated the end. I don't know how to grade this. Grade: B

Alejandro Aranda - I Fall Apart - I'm already out of things to say about Alejandro and it's only top 20. This was average. Middling. Mediocre. Fine. Boring. Who cares. Grade: B-

Kate Barnette - Sunday Morning - I really liked the funkiness of this, and I really liked the sound of her voice here. This was a good vocal. The decision to do that relentless staccato bit on the chorus was weird and unpleasant, but other than that, I enjoyed this. Grade: B

Jeremiah Lloyd Harmon - Make You Feel My Love - Oh my, have I missed Jeremiah at the piano. This vocal was an otherwordly level of gorgeous. I loved this song choice for him. His ability to make you feel every emotion behind every lyric, while delivering a perfect vocal, is truly special. What an amazing talent. Grade: A

Laci Kaye Booth - I Want You to Want Me - I did not know that I needed to hear Laci sing this song, but I surely did. This was by far Laci's best performance. She showed another level to her vocal ability here -- more power than I've ever heard from her accompanied by a lovely rasp. Gorgeous vocal. Grade: A-

Wade Cota - All I Want - God, every time he opens his mouth I feel like I'm 14 again, listening to Phillip Phillips yell Thriller at me. He's really not good. He's a gimmick. And that irritates me. Grade: C

[summerrobrts]

“I’d rather do hard with you than easy with someone else.” + nirvew \ “We should go out on a date. An official one.” + jerashley \ “Why are you starring at me like that?” + tinfie \ “We’re going to get caught!” + sebamb \ “I want you in every way possible.” + haire \ “You’re not the person I thought you were.” + zarbastian

it took a while and a lot of them are a mess but love me still, peggs?? pretty please

“I’d rather do hard with you than easy with someone else.” 

those words made one corner of her lips go up between the tears cascading on her face. she was tired of feeling so vulnerable every time, and more, she was tired of having drew to put on her feet because she wasn’t able to do that by herself. all of her confidence was gone and nirvana was starting to wonder if she ever had that confidence at all or everything that made her… her, was just an act to hide how miserable she really was. yes, she had the whole money in the world thanks to her grandfather’s acting and her mother being a kickass lawyer, but she always felt empty and no money in the world could fill in that void inside of her― which also made her feel pathetic; she had money, the best clothes, the best shoes, clearly a fairytale type of life… and yet she complained about everything. how could she complain about having such a nice life when there others who are living in bellow average and still have a smile on their faces. she hated herself for that. she hated herself for dragging drew into that whole mess that it was nirvana; because he deserved someone so much better than her as his best friend, and yet he was not only stuck with her mess but theo’s mess too. she thanked god for barbara entering in his life, in their life, because she was drew’s saving grace. “you will never give up on me, will you?” her voice was weak and muffled, “sometimes i wish you could.” standing up, she passed by him brushing his side; going into her bedroom, not to be seen again until the morning light.

“We should go out on a date. An official one.” + jerashley

“wh―what?” that’s all he managed to say. after everything they had been through― from boyfriend and girlfriend to jeremiah getting ashley’s nemesis pregnant to finding a middle ground to become roommates― did she still want to give him a chance? he was over his head. of course he wanted that, to make things right once and for all, but did he deserve that? ‘once an asshole always an asshole, jeremiah’ his father’s voice took over his mind. those words have been hunting him for the longest time now, and no matter what his mom or charlie would say to him, what his father had said would always take a toll on him. maybe his father was right, maybe he wasn’t deserving of having ashley― that glorious woman who had been through thick and thin with him, even when he didn’t deserve to. “do you― do you really wanna do that? go on a date with me?” he had to make sure it wasn’t an illusion or a joke; even though he knew ashley would never joke about that. “i mean, i’d love to go on a date-date with you. everything i’ve done in these past months, hell, years even, was mostly to make me worthy to have your affection again. and― it would mean the world to me to go on a date with you,” his voice was deepened in honesty, and before he could complete his thought, his phone started ringing― a photo of charlie popping up. “i gotta take this,” he smiled sheepishly― for the first time in his life― and took the call, being surprised by an overexciting charlie on the other line. he looked at ashley, his eyebrows furrowed, “did she know you were asking me on a date?” a smile plastering on his face, knowing now that ashley was for sure, one hundred percent, giving him a second chance.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” + tinfie

a gasp escaped her lips as his question was heard. valentina knew that spending time alone with alfie would lead her to daydream about the same boy and put her in an awkward situation like this one. but she couldn’t help it, though. spending time with him was one of the few scenarios she could be her true self, so she’d rather be in an awkward situation which she would get lost in those strikingly blue eyes everytime they would be alone than be without him. “it’s just…” she started, not knowing where she would go with it. maybe she could change the subject? or come up with an excuse to leave so she wouldn’t compromise exposing her long-term crush on him? and if she did expose it, would it damage her friendship with him? with zara? with sebastian, even? she couldn’t risk it. but she couldn’t leave him hanging without an answer too, so the first thing that came to her mind was what she spoke. “you look great in that shirt. really. all girls must be all over you,” a shy laugh rolled out of her mouth as she shook her head― cursing herself for not thinking of something better. “what were we talking about again? oh, yeah… pippa,“ a fond smile appeared on her face as she mentioned her younger sister’s name, “she asked me if the rumor of baz and i being a couple was true. can you believe rumors these days? if they think i would ever date sebastian, they are dead wrong, i have a better taste than that,” tiny said, glancing longingly at alfie again, a small smile appearing on her lips. ‘yeah, definitely better taste than that,’ she murmered again, before looking down at her hands.

“We’re going to get caught!” + sebamb

his lips parted from her neck and his eyes rolled, that being the fifth time she had spoken those words. “jesus, bambi. stop worrying so much,” he muffled, his hands falling from her hips as he took a small step back on the tight janitor closet. this wasn’t even supposed to happen, sebastian was only at the school he had graduated on to visit his aunt julia― who was the principal― and maybe spend lunch with zara, tiny and, well, bambi. but that plan went to shit as soon as his eyes caught the redhead walking around the school halls in the cheerleader outfit, making his lower parts talk louder than his brain; causing him to pull her into the closet and start kissing her neck as his hands roamed over her tiny body. “look,” he started in a softer tone, grabbing her hands and putting around his neck before sliding his hands back to her hips, feeling the fabric of the cheerleading outfit, “i know you are not used to this kind of stuff; making out in places other than rooms and parties, but trust me, the odds of someone catching us are slim to none,” sebastian paused, clearing his throat― something he unconsciously did when he was lying― and taking one of his hands off her hips so he could lift her chin. "i promise you, nothing will happen. and if it does, you can crucify me. do whatever sick thing your mind come up with,“ a boyish smile appeared on his lips, as he waited for her to confirm he could go back to what he was doing.

“You’re not the person I thought you were.” + zarbastian 

 his hands slammed the table, a loud thud followed by a crippling silence between sebastian and zara. out of everyone in his life, Sebastian thought he could trust the blonde girl, especially when the most fucked up parts came to play. “I’m not fucking perfect like you, zara,” he yelled, feeling disgusted by raising her voice at his best friend, “but I never, never, pretended to be as well. So don’t come with this condescending shit of expecting better from me, because you knew exactly what I am,” he took a deep breath, a hand passing through his hair and resting on the back of his neck. his stomach was ill, yelling at her always made him feel like this; but he couldn’t take the expectations she had on him, he would never be the perfect friend she needed to. and he knew he should have let her leave the moment he heard the door slamming, but he always ran after her. “Zara, wait!” he yelled again, but in a softer tone almost in despair, but the girl didn’t look back. regret filled his entire body, her words weren’t vicious, they were out of concern, but sebastian had to fuck up everything in his life as much as melody did. he grabbed his phone and called bambi, when the other picked up sebastian didn’t let her say anything. “go to zara’s and take tiny, i fucked up and she will need you both. don’t mention my name or anything about tonight or me, just… take her mind away from me,” and hung up, making his way back home― ready to put another tally on his and melody’s board of how many times they fucked up with someone they loved.

[yearinthejournal-blog]

January 1st

2009

Happy New Year! What a wild ride it has been so far, and what a fantastic ride I still have ahead of me. I am filled to the brim and running over with gratitude for my life - I rejoice at this new beginning, for I am free! Christ has redeemed me from sin, and most recently, from codependence! I am beginning my first year FREE of codependence! How splendid is this day and how good is my God! I was done reading my Tanakh this morning and I had to say another prayer before I got up because I was just filled with so many good feelings and love for God.

So, the plane ride home was fine until the end and it was terrifying when we hit Salt Lake weather. But I survived! Dee was waiting for me. We went to her house then met Allen for lunch at an Indian restaurant which was so good. Then I went home with Andrew and Dan. We stayed the night with Candace, and her family is so nice! The roads weren’t bad and now I’m home. It has been so great being home.

On Sunday I saw everyone again and gave them their presents. I gave the Finches the wall hanging about Allah and Sister Forest her olive wood nativity scene and Kristen her zatah. We went singing that night with Melody & co.

Since then, I’ve been hanging out with Hazel (we made a new video), reading a lot, not eating very much, connecting to others on the internet, driving, practicing my Hebrew, and maintaining a good balance of things I want to accomplish. I am reading Jesus the Christ, which I got from the Finches for Christmas. Forgiving Yourself, from Sister Forest, Tasting the Sky, Mere Christianity, and that’s about it. Forgiving Yourself is making me feel so close to God and is so beautifully written. Tasting the Sky is written in a unique, visual way that is very interesting. One of my New Years Resolutions is to read more.

I stayed with Erin for two days which was nice and a learning experience. She is so calm all the time, so chill. We talked a lot about Emily’s situation. I told her the whole story, without giving real names, and it was just so clear to them that Emily is being deceived. It wasn’t that clear to me because I thought it can’t be that black and white.

But it is. Emily is deceived and so was I. Those feelings I felt around Matt were exactly what I thought at the beginning - manipulation. Matt is just a very charismatic, persuasive person. I can’t believe I didn’t see it, but there have been signs all along of his true character. I wonder if Emily realized she was deceived and that’s why she has a boyfriend. Maybe she’s moved on. This situation has pointed me once again to God’s greatness and His perfect ability to take everything and turn it into good.

I remember that paper I wrote in my D&C class about Sister Forest and Dr. Fish. That primed me, I think, because D&C 50 applies so well to this situation as well. I remember being inspired to take that class. If I had stayed with the Wallaces for Christmas break, I wouldn’t have talked to Erin about all this and realized how deceived I’ve been. But I’m thankful all this has happened because it helps me to trust more in God’s plan. He truly does know what’s best, because His thoughts toward me are thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give me an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11. AHHHH! GOD IS SO WONDERFUL! How could I ever go without Him?!?!? 

Erin gave me tons of Christmas presents. A lot of chocolate and bath products! But my favorite was this chalk board. I make lists on it of things I need to do. Pretty soon I will be able to cross off “write in journal.” 

Hazel and I went to a New Years dance last night then to her friend’s house for a little “party”. It was way fun. She has been having troubles with Aaron and I’ve been trying to be there for her. 

What I am thrilled about is how good I feel about myself and the way I’ve behaved this break. I’ve not given into temptation, even though it has come. I’ve been consistent in my scripture study and not spending too much time doing one thing. My room has stayed clean and God is with me and this just feels SO GOOD! The best times in my life are when I am prospering and I still rely on God completely. 

2015

My trip to LA was underwhelming. I’m in a sad mood right now, so it might effect how I describe my trip.

When we got there and went outside the airport it was warm. The flight was awful at first. I was crying and crushing Kylie’s hand. The percocet didn’t help, but getting buzzed did. I cried when I saw LA from the plane.

On Wednesday we went to San Pedro to see the friendship bell and Palos Verdes to see a beautiful view of the ocean. It was actually a lot cooler than I thought it would be, in the early 50′s, so regrettably I didn’t bring warm clothes and was chilly the whole time.

After that we had Mexican food at El Burrito Jr. Bonnie was with us. We also got some last minute shopping done at Target, Whole Foods, and a frame store. LA is beautiful. It’s lusher and greener than I thought. I didn’t see anyone smoking the whole time I was there. People were friendlier. Palm trees everywhere. I miss it a lot. I was watching a part of Gilmore Girls where Jess goes to LA and it made me homesick.

On Christmas day, We opened presents. Kylie’s family got me a lot of stuff, but most of it I won’t use. Kylie loved her books and her parents loved their aeropress. Kylie and I went to Manhattan Beach and watched a beautiful sunset from the pier. We drank at a bar, and I got drunk on wine at her house and we went to mass. We had prime rib for dinner. I dropped my phone in the toilet and had to get it fixed, but they replaced it and didn’t charge me!

On Friday we went on a hollywood tour and saw lots of fancy houses and endured the tour guides misogynist jokes. I met Kylie’s ex on Xmas night and we really hit it off! We went to Joshua Tree on Saturday. It was pretty cool.

I felt frustrated the whole time cause I was thrown out of my routine and was on edge and couldn’t relax.

2016

I got really drunk on Wednesday and embarrassed myself and felt lonely and at the end of my rope. I woke up Thursday morning feeling awful. I don’t understand why drinking is such a lonely intense affair for me when others seem to be able to do it and feel fine. But I think it’s that same sensitivity that allows me to be so sensitive and receptive to goodness and the presence and love of Christ. And for that I’m grateful. I prayed and cried out to God that he would save me and acknowledge my dependence and helplessness before him. Barb was supportive and puts up with my griping and faults. Because of my superstition that how I spend New Years Eve is how my year will go, I decided to stay sober and be kind to myself. I read my bible before bed and went to sleep at 10 cause I got up this morning at 7 to go sledding with Christian and Phillip! We went to Clover Pass where Kylie and I drove through around Christmas but I didn’t get to enjoy the scenery cause I was driving, so I got a second chance to enjoy God’s beautiful creation there. It was majestic. Walking up the hills was arduous but satisfying and sledding was so fun! Christian has childlike wonder and enthusiasm that’s really refreshing and Phillip was nice. Christian bought us lunch. It was such a nice day - I felt so happy just being around them and feeling apart of something - because of Kaladi and living in Anchorage. I’m so grateful I accepted this offering of fellowship because it’s rare that it’s offered and rare that I accept. And I’m so glad I was sober.

I realized yesterday that this challenge of struggling with alcohol is apart of God’s plan and purpose for my life and thus I should not only be grateful for it and seek to learn from it, but also know and trust God that he will keep me safe. And in that way, I can let go and surrender to him.

And that is one of my hopes for the new year - to learn how I can actually surrender to God and empty myself, so Christ can fill me with himself and work through me.

I’m struggling with anger at Kylie over Mexico. Doing all that xmas stuff wasn’t good enough cause she hated doing it and Barb helped me realize that it’s not that I want to go somewhere with Kylie - it’s that I wish she wanted to go somewhere with me - so much that she actually planned it and prioritized it like with Rachel. And she always prioritizes Rachel over me. She called me on NYE to say she loved and missed me, but spent just as much time trying to hush Rachel’s scoffs and eye rolls. And that really upset and disgust me. I wish Kylie would stick up for me. 

2017

I started making amends! To Chelsea, Andrew, Kelsey, and Kylie so far. It’s going great - everyone has  been so kind about it. It doesn’t feel, like, amazing, like it seemed like it would, but that’s ok!

Christmas sucked - Kylie was sick and we couldn’t go on a drive so I was alone in her living room eating cliff bars and beef jerkey, watching Beavis and Butthead all day. I was mean to her and so grumpy and critical all day.

NYE was okay. We watched “No Country for Old Men” and I played GTA and went to bed at 11. We’re seeing a movie today though! “Fences.” We saw “Arrival” on xmas eve.

I got sick last week and was in a horrible mood, but Ashley said not to trust my brain so I tried not to.

I’m feeling way more empathy for people, out of nowhere. It just happened. I don’t want to make people feel bad because I feel compassion for them. This is a gift from God.

[deputystakes-a2]

Q :   DID ASHLEY GROW UP TOO FAST?

ashley was born into a life of burials and funerals.   his earliest memory of his father is a faded sepia moment,   where his father brushed the graveyard dirt off his palms before taking ashley,   a toddler,   from his mother’s arms.   his sister would later tell him that he threw a fit whenever jeremiah held him because his hands were too calloused,   too rough.   but that would only be the beginning.   even though he had a village to raise him,   ashley still grew up too fast.   his childhood ended the first time he walked home from church to see his father,   a man of god,   passed out drunk on the couch,   sleeping the sleep of the dead.

he was nine when jeremiah stopped going to church.   ashley,   of course,   was still expected to go,   while jeremiah spent his waking hours drinking instead.   during his summers,   he was granted reprieve,   staying with his aunt and uncle on their farm in pikeville,   but as soon as he returned home  —  he suffered his father’s presence.   he experienced less and less of his father’s negligence,   and more and more of his father’s wrath.   when he was nine,   he started taking care of himself.   took a few bills out of his father’s wallet,   bought what he could,   learned how to make the money last.   when he was ten,   he started stealing his father’s smokes,   and when he was thirteen,   the widow caught him smoking behind the church as she pulled out her own pack of cigarettes.   she laughed,   called him damn skinny,   knew he wouldn’t weigh ninety pounds soaking wet.   as the church began to empty out,   they walked to her home together,   and she served them both lunch,   expecting nothing in return but some company. 

as he grew older,   the rest of the town grew to love him or hate him.   the sheriff,   a vampire named louis mccarthy,   barely tolerated him until ashley was fifteen years old.   when he was fifteen,   mccarthy found him walking home in the pouring rain,   his brow busted and nose bleeding,   hoodie and flannel on his shoulders soaked through.   louis pulled over,   he asked where henri was,   asked if ashley was trying to test his luck or catch his death.   it wasn’t safe to be out so late.   but ashley,   the preacher’s son,   took a walk regardless,   fully aware of the things that waited at the edges of the darkest shadows.   mccarthy drove him to the precinct,   that night.   draped his jacket over his shoulders and brought him foam cups of cocoa   —   he wouldn't give ashley any coffee,   so late at night,   despite the fact that he was on his third mug,   himself.

and not even henri could save his childhood from certain death.   not with the late night dinners at his place,   not with the milkshakes or their trips to ice cream stands,   not with the road trips or road music.   when henri became ashley’s godfather,   he did so fully aware of the fact that he would be raising a graves,   a boy who would be doomed from the start.   in order to raise him,   he had to accept that ashley would grow too quick,   he would turn to hate,   it was simply in his blood.   but by accepting this,   by accepting ashley’s nature,   he was able to salvage pieces of his childhood,   and nurture him to be a better man.   ashley grew up too quick,   and henri watched it happen,   but once ashley was grown,   henri was able to protect him from the awful thing he could’ve been.   though ashley couldn’t enjoy childhood,   henri gave him a chance to enjoy life.

[heartsoulrocknroll]

American Idol Season 17 - Top 40 Review

Alyssa Raghu - Dear Future Husband - Alyssa's performance was a lot of fun. This was the first time I've ever seen her look natural and comfortable on the stage. And this was a very good vocal infused with more personality than I've ever heard from her. I liked it. Result: Advanced

Madison VanDenburg - Who's Loving You - Madison knocked it right out of the park again with another perfect vocal. This girl is ridiculous. That slow vibrato is one of the most gorgeous things I've ever heard. And those runs at the beginning? And that glory note at the end? Come on, girl. Come on. Result: Advanced

Myra Tran - How Far I'll Go - Myra's nerves did her in on this one. She started off out of time with the band, never really found the pitch, and finished the performance a lot of out of tune screeching. I hate that she flopped here, because she is still very obviously better than several of the people that the judges put through. Result: Eliminated 

Logan Johnson - Sorry - Logan nearly put me to sleep, as usual. Who cares about his terrible Spanish? I'm so bored. Result: Advanced

Nate Walker - Still - What they showed of Nate's performance was not good. That big note in the middle? I have no idea where he was going with that, but it certainly didn't go anywhere that made a bit of sense. This is another situation that sucks, because he is also better than several of the people they put through, but he surely didn't prove that here. Result: Eliminated 

Dimitrius Graham - Latch - I don't know where this voice of Dimitrius' came from, because Idol surely has never shown us anything like this from him in the past. The only thing I remember him doing is completely butchering Wind Beneath My Wings in the first round of Hollywood. But anyway, I actually liked this performance, from the subtle beginning to the big notes at the end. It was a little dramatic though. Result: Advanced

Ashley Hess - Gone Away - Ashley delivered a pretty nice vocal here. I didn't like the song choice at all and her vocal didn't excite me in any way. I actually don't have any feelings about it at all. Result: Advanced

Drake McCain - Girls Like You - Drake's vocal here was really, really rough. Definite proof that he doesn't belong in this competition and shouldn't have even made it this far. Result: Eliminated

Kai the Singer - Where the Wild Things Are - This was an absolutely terrible vocal. There is no reason whatsoever that the judges should have even said yes to her in her initial audition, and this was proof of that fact. Result: Eliminated

Laci Kaye Booth - Georgia on My Mind - This vocal was absolutely gorgeous. This song has been done to death on this show, and she still managed to bring something fresh to it. However, I do really wish that somebody would tell her to stop doing that little hiccup thing and just sing the whole word, because her tendency to do that is ruining something that could otherwise be fantastic. Result: Advanced

Nick Townsend - Hold Back the River - Nick delivered another of several terrible vocal performances tonight. The whole thing was out of tune and the chorus was basically just shouting. Result: Eliminated

Walker Burroughs - Youngblood - Walker is such a breath of fresh air. It is so nice every once in a while to see someone just sit at the piano and sing a song with perfect pitch, tone, dynamics -- no theatrics, no dancing, no vocal acrobatics even. Just a timeless voice that doesn't need any gimmicks whatsoever. On top of all that, his self-awareness is admirable. For him to say that this was his weakest performance -- when there was virtually nothing wrong with it that would be apparent to anyone else -- shows great self-awareness. Result: Advanced

Ryan Hammond - A Song For You - I think Ryan may have won me over with this vocal. This was gorgeous and showed off the full, rich quality of his tone without any of that annoying, swallowed sound that has been bothering me in the past. Very dynamic performance -- beautiful in both the soft, subtle moments and the big power moments. Result: Advanced

Kate Barnette - Royals - I feel like I probably would have enjoyed Kate's funky take on this song had they showed enough of it for me to make a judgement. All I know is I like what I heard. Result: Advanced

Evelyn Cormier - No Roots - My problem with Evelyn up to this point has been the fact that she obviously has a voice in there somewhere, but she has been covering it up with some fake nonsense. This could have been the first time I ever got Evelyn. But again, they didn't really show enough for me to say. From what I heard, this is the kind of vibe that actually works and makes sense for her. Blues, funky stuff. The moaning on the ballads is gonna have to stop. Result: Advanced

Emma Kleinberg - Is This Love - What they showed of Emma's performance wasn't anything worth talking about. However, based on her audition and what little she did here, I feel like she's better than several people the judges put in the top 20. But I haven't seen enough of her to really know, so I can't really care about her getting cut. Result: Eliminated 

Uche - Play that Funky Music - Oh. My. God. I was freaking out for the entirety of Uche's performance. A+++ song choice for him. The opening scream!! And the run that followed!! Those low notes!!! What on Earth!!! How he managed all that dancing and running around while still delivering those insane vocals is far beyond my comprehension. This was the wildest thing I've ever seen on Idol. Dude is a born performer. Result: Advanced

Alejandro Aranda - Yellow - I've had enough of Alejandro putting me to sleep. They need to take that guitar away from him and make him just stand there and sing. See how impressed people are when they have nothing to distract them from his vocal mediocrity. Geez. Result: Advanced

Jeremiah Lloyd Harmon - Landslide - Jeremiah is a special, special talent. I expected him to be on piano for this song, but no. He just stood there and sang with that gorgeous tone of his, delivered a perfect vocal, and brought tears to my eyes. He's another one who is proof that if you have a truly great voice, you don't need any sort of crutch or gimmick. Every performance of his is so genuine. He pours his soul into every song he sings and you can literally feel his pain. I don't know that I've ever experienced anything like that with any other singer. And what a sweet guy. Result: Advanced

Shayy - All I Ask - Shayy's entire vocal was a shaky, out of tune, screechy mess. She's very clearly not ready for a competition like this and needs lessons to learn to better control her voice. Result: Eliminated 

Riley Thompson - Mama's Broken Heart - Welcome to Karaoke Night with Riley. This performance elicits nothing but a lot of eye rolling from me. Average to poor vocals, no originality whatsoever, annoying tone, too young. Ridiculous that they put her through. Truly ridiculous. Result: Advanced

Wade Cota - Work Song - Is this a joke? Seriously guys. He's been bad before, but this was another level of bad. His enunciation and growly tone were exaggerated to the point of complete absurdity. No one should ever take him seriously if he can't take himself seriously. "Why" was precisely the response he should have had to the judges' telling him he made the top 20. Nonsense. Result: Advanced

Margie Mays - All About that Bass - A really bad vocal and a really stupid song choice. She definitely did herself in with that. Result: Eliminated 

Eddie Island - Don't You Worry Child - Eddie's trying real hard to make me dislike him with his obnoxious goofiness. I like his voice when he stays in his lower range, but when he reaches for higher notes like he did on this song, he gets real shouty and annoying. Result: Advanced

Tyler Mitchell - Suitcase - I swear, I've never seen a person with less of a personality than Tyler. The guy has a nice voice, but this wasn't great. Just mediocre and very boring. Result: Eliminated 

Laine Hardy - Come Together - Listen. When that boy came out on the stage with his new, polished look and asked the crowd, "Y'all ready to party with the Hardy?" I yelled at my TV. YES SIR. YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD. I really enjoyed this performance and I wish they had shown us more of it. I wasn't sure about the song choice at first, but I loved the grit his voice brought to it. I'm so glad Laine knows who he is now, and I'm so glad he's showing the world that he's not a country singer. He is a blues rock star, y'all, and I'm loving it. Result: Advanced