#god zerxus calling him 'you poor thing'

[warlordfelwinter]

"he doesn't just hate you, he hates everybody, and he doesn’t hate them in an alien way he wants them to know they deserve it" brennan

[lynxalon]

i'm watching exu: calamity for the third fucking time and i am once again absolutely insane about these fucking characters. laerryn coramar-seelie and loquatius seelie. their whole fucking divorced-in-love mess. zerxus ilerez and his damn prophetic visions. babe what horrors do u dream of now? patia motherfucking por'co. her memory loss payroll. her list of .. "friends with bad memory" . that was fucking crazy to hear the first time and on the third i'm still reeling. nydas okiro, i cant even begin with him . he was a pirate. he lived what could only be a pirate's dream, the guildmaster of a dragon's hoard, a dragon whom he can summon and command at will. his friend's son lives with his brother and family. he puts people on patia's payroll, both conjoined in secrets, but that's not only it. he was described as holding spinning plates at all times. he was laerryn's partner and confidant on her life's work. cerrit agrupnin. the father who got his children out of an apocalyptic catastrophe. the father who kept his promise to be with them. by sheer luck or by fate's design, by the strength of his virtue and love and a father's promise. of all that he could not and did not keep, the one most important. he was an investigator so adept at his job that invisibility could not keep a person hidden from his sight. he had a ring to detect lies. he had a ring. to detect lies. loquatius . the fey who fell in love with a mortal. the reporter who spoke to the people at the end of their lives and his own and called for them to stay. to do their duty, keep their promise. no officials get to leave the people they're supposed to protect and speak for behind. and no one shall forget the most beautiful woman in the world, laerryn coramar-seelie. the woman who, in secret, strived to give her husband and her friends and her heart, her avalir, an option. the choice, to rise above and beyond. to seek the knowledge of realms and stars and all that they could ever achieve. a future so bright it was blinding. a goal so lofty, a dream so wistful. a path tread almost completely alone. and in that, history and mistrust. the gau drashari who expected the wizards to not keep their word, and thus created the circumstance in which the wizards did not know the importance of the tree of names and saw it only as a limitation. because that's all it appeared to be. and zerxus. the godless. champion of a deity-less divinity. oracle who saw visions of the lord of the hells. he saw the lord of the hells, hurting and injured. and in that being he saw redemption and a path to healing. he faced asmodeus and straight up said "oh you poor thing" afsgsjdkfkflflflgl he looked at a god and held nothing but pity for him upon seeing that he could not be redeemed. that there was such deep hatred. he was killed and revived over and over by this god. the god that he brought through into the world. . . the por'co legacy. patia, who in the end gifted her knowledge of everything truly Everything to a young maya agrupnin. and what of young kir and maya? celebrations and festivities, the anticipation of seeing their father. maya snuck out to a party to meet a girl and drink alcohol she doesn't even like, tailed by her brother who mirrored their father. kir, junior investigator, because of him, cerrit thankfully did not have to track down maya in panic. kir who received a message from his father to gather at their home. and then their father sent them away, to safety. 2/3rds of the world met calamity. how must it have felt to be a young child, everything you knew ending and dying. fuck man. that's not even everything i could fucking say about all of this i havent even broached the lord of the hells and the plot and the depth of patia's complexity with memory and knowledge and laerryn and loquatius and their open jabs and silent acts of devotion and love, zerxus and cerrit and their opposing and paralleled paths of fatherhood, nydas' and zerxus and cerrit. protectors. laerryn and patia. visionaries. loquatius. truth and hope and home.

[dent-de-leon]

Zerxus trusting there’s an inherent goodness in everyone, even in a Betrayer. A thousand years later, Caleb sees that same core of humanity in a warped, twisted, newly reborn god. With both Asmodeus and Lucien, there were moments when Zerxus and Caleb saw a spark of something, a familiar echo. They believed those glimpses of vulnerability they saw were real. 

Both of them fighting so hard to push their enemy towards redemption because this is not just another terrifying, vengeful god—it’s someone wearing the face of a loved one they lost.

Zerxus seeing his dead husband in Asmodeus, unable to see anything else. A golden face, a heart cut away. Caleb hating and mistrusting Lucien, but still going all the way to Cognouza just to save his friend—convinced that shard of Mollymauk is still in there, can still be reached. 

Zerxus never accepting that he’s lost Evandran for good, always believing that they’ll see each other again. Caleb burying Mollymauk with a letter, telling him to come and find them. Keeping a spare room ready for Molly in the tower. Holding onto his one chance at a resurrection spell. 

Their faith is immeasurable. It’s looking at a being that’s otherworldly and godly, that has been so twisted and corrupted, that claims no mortal can ever hope to comprehend them, could ever dare to stand against them. Facing that, and still seeing an intrinsically human, mortal heart. Someone who could still be offered a chance at redemption. “Why did we come this far, if not for this?...If he is still--twisted--he will be alone. And we will be able to handle him. But what if...? Why did we go so far and fight so hard? We would do this for any one of us.” 

Zerxus, in all his sincerity, reaching for the Lord of the Hells and telling him, “We are your children.” Everything in Asmodeus recoiling in scathing hatred from Zerxus’ love, his forgiveness, the absolute gall of this mortal to dare and see something in him he refuses to acknowledge. “You have referred to yourself and your fellow mortals as our children. You are not our children. You are...a bad first draft.” 

Lucien’s monstrous form lashing out when he hears Caleb call for him, stare him down and say, “Mollymauk Tealeaf.” All nine eyes glowering down at this wizard even as he flinches at the words, at that shard of truth, “Something twitches inside Lucien as the head that previously was looking through you, for once the beams, all eyes, go towards you.” Lucien sneering down at him with the contempt of a towering god, “No, child.” 

Zerxus and Caleb, two people who have found faith in something other than the gods, who have lost and grieved so much, and just want to protect the people they love. Bargaining, begging, pleading for someone to return to them--even as they are struck down without remorse. “This is not who you are, this is not who you are! You’re not this! How have you forgotten?” “You arrogant bastard! You died to save these people! You’re not going to kill them now.”

Zerxus’ whole philosophy, at the end of all things, is still, “But he knows salvation and redemption is there for everyone, and it pulls him right back,” even as he is consumed by Asmodeus’ flames. 

And then there’s Caleb, who believed so strongly in Molly--in all of his family--who looked at Mollymauk once and said, “I believe in second starts.” Even though he believes he himself is already doomed, “I drop down [to Molly’s grave] too and say, ‘I’m going to hell anyway.’” He still refuses to give up on Mollymauk, still believes there is more time, hope, a path towards salvation. “Please don’t give up, you can still find your own life again. There will be time for that later.”

Zerxus’ sympathy for the devil, the pain he saw in an immortal being who knew only raw burning anger, this unbridled hatred--“You hate everything so purely. Oh, you poor thing...Look at how much you hate yourself”--the biggest gamble he ever took, his unconditional love and acceptance...it didn’t work then, not on Asmodeus, not when he was so far gone for far too long. 

But centuries from now, a thousand years from now, a newborn godling consumed by wrath and power will try to bring ruin to Exandria all over again. And at his core will be a heart, a shattered shard of a soul, caged and screaming out and clinging to this world by sheer force of will to save the people he loves. And when Caleb and the rest of the Nein reach out for him, he reaches back. And that trust, that belief in a person’s heart and soul and second starts--it will always mean something.