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#gods are my witness I will fight tooth and nail to protect that innocence as long as I'm able
romantichore · 7 months
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a student of mine brought her best friend's sketchbook for me to see today. it was at the bestie's request, because she was my student almost five years ago. back in the day she was an 8-year-old drawing mostly poop and toilet paper rolls, but she enjoyed drawing and after the first time I showed interest on it she started showing me more of what she drew.
she's getting so good at it. she's been clearly studying anatomy though she still tends towards less realistic styles. she draws little comics about her and her best friend's ocs. she's been exploring other mediums too, like watercolors instead of just pencil.
now I'm sitting here and holding back my tears because I am so, so proud. I remember sitting with her after class a handful of times because she had a new drawing to show me. once or twice we stayed late because she missed her mom and she just needed to cry about it, and we chatted about what she'd been drawing while we waited for her grandma to pick her up.
I don't think she remembers any of it, and it's okay. I'm just so glad she didn't quit it. and I'm so thankful that she trusted me not to be a dickish adult about it. she's even been open, they both have, about the fact that they're on that teenage girl into gay ships phase. they had no way of knowing I'm queer, because talking about anything lgbt+ is a no-no, but they trusted me anyway.
I hope it all means I've been doing something right. and I hope I get to see other sketchbooks as she progresses.
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dreamcatcherjiah · 5 years
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Part 6
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💞Tight Hearts (Idol!Hoseok x Reader)
Plot: The red string of fate was visible when our grandparents were children. They would play around, following the strings from one person to their soulmate and laugh happily when these two people inevitably found each other. It was a reason for happiness. But little by little, people stopped seeing the threads. In bad times, it was dangerous, it was a liability, so people stopped seeing them to protect each other from harm. When I was born, nobody saw them anymore, they just felt their soulmate. Anxiety, happiness, sorrow, love, the hearts of the soulmates are one, feel the same things, but it is almost impossible to find your soulmate, now that the threads cannot be seen.
Tight Hearts Masterlist
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Looking up at j-hope you wanted nothing more than to cover your mouth and for the earth to swallow you whole. Who the hell uses the first words to their soulmate to essentially tell them that, if you were screwed before meeting them because of the pain, now you were doubly so? Only you, it seemed. Thank the heavens, no one seemed to react to your unfortunate choice of words, and all of them, including Hyejin stayed silent, looking at you as if a second head had protruded from your neck. Which would be less embarrassing than your current situation. 
“What I meant to say by that… doesn’t have anything to do with you… I MEAN, yes of course it has to do with you, but more with the situation, I’m so glad I found you, the pain finally stopped, NOT that I was looking for you only to stop the pain, but it’s a good thing that it did, and you’re you, and I’m just me and oh my God the amount of people that…”
“Yeah, I think it’s better if you just zip it now,” said Seokjin, lifting an eyebrow and looking at you, puzzled. The rest of Bangtan were looking at you in more or less the same fashion, except for j-hope, who was looking at his hands as if they were some strange entity not belonging entirely to his body.
He was frowning, turning his hands over and over, and then touching his chest in that familiar location you knew so well, for it had been in that same spot where you thought your heart would leave your chest to join his. He looked, indeed, very confused, so much so that you doubted he had heard your ridiculous little speech. 
Listening to Seokjin you closed your mouth with a popping sound and, wide-eyed, allowed Namjoon to help you get up from your kneeling position on the floor. This situation was entirely crazy, and you didn’t completely ignore the possibility that you had already died back there and this was your particular kind of hell. Or heaven, considering who was surrounding you. Or a mixture of both, you really couldn’t get exquisite now. 
Once you were standing again, Hyejin by your side, everyone started talking again.
“As I was saying,” intervened Taehyung, “I don’t think it is a good idea that these two touch again… I don’t know what that was, back there, but I don’t want Jimin’s innocent eyes witnessing it.”
“While I appreciate the thought,” said a smiling Jimin, jokingly, “I really think we should move this conversation elsewhere. We are a bit secluded and hidden here, but anyone could see us.”
Jin was the next one to talk, using a tone of finality that left nothing to be said: “I say we take this to the dorms, someone call Bang PD-nim and tell him we’re heading there,” he looked at you now, “and you two are coming with us.”
“Okay then,” talked Yoongi, “seating arrangements. We have four cars and two more people to accommodate, how are we gonna do it?”
“I’m travelling alone,” Namjoon spoke, from his position next to you, still holding your elbow, “they could come with me, that way it’s less crowded and we don’t have to change anything.”
Everyone seemed to agree, and a speechless Hyejin and you were going to be taken back inside the stadium, when you felt something weird. It started as a tingling sensation travelling up your hands and arms, as if your limbs were getting numb and when it reached your ribcage, you involuntarily screamed. To your horror, you realised j-hope was leading the group of people back inside and he had gotten dismally away from you, too far for you to bear. He didn’t seem to be feeling it, as much as you were, at least, but you weren’t taking any chances. Alerted by your little yelp, it wasn’t difficult to pry your arm from Namjoon’s grasp and hurry up to get closer to your soulmate. You didn’t know what you were doing, but following your instincts proved to be the right thing to do.
As if his body was telling him, j-hope took the precaution not to touch even an inch of your skin, but he moved so that as soon as you were at arm’s length, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. The rush of adrenaline and euphoria was still there, but not touching each other’s skin seemed to do the trick for now. Your mind was still a mess, the fog enveloping the both of you, but the good thing was that you could still think. The rest of the members were looking at you worriedly, you knew that much, concerned that the two of you would jump each other’s bones, but you still kept a tight grasp around your mind. You wouldn’t let go this time, if only for the fact that you were in close proximity to a person you didn’t know at all but whose touch had the power to render you will-less. 
Once next to the cars, Hyejin tried to pry you away from j-hope’s arms, to no avail. He tightened his hold on you, and you quickly circled your arm around his waist. You were behaving so strangely to your own eyes that you were screaming inside at the injustice of the situation. Your body moved on its own accord and you seemed perfectly content on the outside. So did the man beside you. But nothing further from the truth. On the inside, the both of you were feeling violent and uncomfortable; after all, you were strangers and this bond you happened to share was testing both your boundaries when it came to personal space and mental stability. To the people around you, it seemed as if you had fallen instantly in love, while the both of you were fighting the connection tooth and nail to remain sane.
“I’m riding with her,” spoke j-hope, his voice trembling with an effort you recognised as him trying to fight what was surely happening inside his head, “Yoongi hyung, do you mind going with Namjoon and her friend? There were going to be three people in a car anyway.”
Giving him a doubtful look, Yoongi asked him if he was sure it was a good idea. You can never be too careful, he murmured. Your soulmate, however, only muttered a “positive” and had you inside the car in seconds, closing the door behind him and leaving the rest of them to manage the seating arrangement for themselves. 
The silence in the car started turning suffocating. You didn’t know what to do with yourself and j-hope was actually so serious you nearly forgot who he was. Where was his joyful, shining smile? That smile that was as much as a trademark for him, the reason that you got up so many mornings. But, of course, you weren’t about to tell him that. The uncomfortable silence dragged on, neither of you daring to break it, for fear of making the other one uncomfortable or yourselves, neither of you knew, but it lasted and lasted and finally, the car started moving.
While he was looking out of the window at the dark sky and the bright lights emanating from the buildings, you observed, as much as your eyes allowed you in the dark of the vehicle, how shadows and lights played with his features, sometimes showing you an angry man, while others you saw a hopeful little kid or a scared young guy. All those emotions were all too familiar to you, and yet you were all too mad at yourself to empathise with him. Yeah, the pain was gone, hurray! But so was your free will as soon as he touched you and that was something you wouldn’t allow to happen again. You were your own person, with your own ideas, and it was utterly ridiculous, just the notion of turning into a trembling, drooling mess every time his skin made contact with yours, just ludicrous, laughable. 
“I don’t know your name,” j-hope voice broke you out of your thoughts, and with a start, you turned your whole body towards him, your back against the car door, trying to put as much distance between your bodies as possible without hurting. “And I don’t bite, either,” he added, seeing your defensive position and your furrowed brows.
You relaxed a little bit, noticing that your attitude had actually touched a sensitive spot for him. You could see it in his eyes, and to your surprise, your chest filled with an incredibly distracting feeling of disappointment. You soon realised those emotions didn’t belong to you, as they felt somewhat foreign, and it didn’t take a detective to match them to j-hope’s pout and sad eyes.
“I’m sorry,” you answered, moving closer to him and relaxing your shoulders, “it’s just, today has been a bit of an eventful day… My name is Y/N, by the way. And you’re j-hope.”
“Hoseok, just call me Hoseok,” he told you, a bit more relaxed himself, but still alert to your every movement, “j-hope is my stage name and it somehow doesn’t feel right. I mean, you calling me it, being my soulmate and all…”
You nodded and just with those few words many more questions swarmed your mind. Why didn’t it feel right, it was one of his names after all, half the planet called him that, and why was he still looking at you as if you were a mystery? You were the most normal and unordinary person in the world. You did consider yourself special, in some way. Back in the day, when the pain wasn’t too much, you would have been considered an outstanding dancer, and at least on that aspect, you did shine in the past. But he was looking at you as some weird mummy he found in a museum and that did not go well with you.
“Why are you so weirded out?”
His eyes widened, as if he had been caught red-handed, and in some way, he had been.
“You’re an ARMY,” he told you finally, and you started to fear the worse — we can’t be together, implying you had to go back to the pain; I don’t feel comfortable with you being a fan, which would make things certainly difficult when he discovered that on top of everything, you had always had a soft spot for him; thousands of possibilities danced around in your head, but he silenced them with his next words, “I nearly saw you die before my eyes, I don’t know you but I already know I won’t be able to live without you, maybe not in an entirely romantic way, whatever this is, is messing with my head so I don’t know one from the other. I’m also worried about how this will affect my members, how the media will take it… but what worries me the most is how utterly imbecile I become as soon as I touch you. I loose my mind, and that is driving me mad!”
He had his hands on his head, pushing his fringe back, and for the first time in the night, you could see how tired he looked. It couldn’t have been easy for him either, this night. He obviously had been feeling the same pain and discomfort for as long as you had, and his lifestyle was crazier than yours by far, the amounts of energy he must have had to muster just to look healthy-ish must have been monumental, and here you were watching the dam break. His breathing became laboured and you didn’t know what to do.
“My whole body is screaming right now to throw myself around you and comfort you, but if you’re feeling what you told me right now, which is practically what I’m feeling too, you wouldn’t want me to touch you,” you told him desperately, the effort of not acting on your instincts making you break a sweat, “so please, just tell me what you want me to do, it’s quite hard to resist.”
He turned his body towards yours and assumed your same position, leaning on the door and facing you completely. He took a couple of deep breaths and, little by little, he started to calm down. His eyes were still filled with tears, but you had an inkling that this had more to do with the effort of keeping himself away from you than with him feeling tired and frustrated.
“I’m literally vibrating with the need to touch you again,” he confessed. “My body wants me to burry my face in that spot between your shoulder and your neck and never let go,” he continued, sending a series of shivers down your spine, and you weren’t quite sure if they were provoked by the bond, or were yours and yours alone. “On the other hand, that makes me feel like a disgusting person because I know you don’t want me to touch you either, but you wouldn’t be able to push me away the second I did it.”
Looking into his eyes, you realised how grim this situation was looking for the both of you. Now that you had found each other, you couldn’t be more than a couple of feet away from the other without feeling pain. As much as this bond was making you feel repulse and regret, neither of you was willing to feel that kind of pain again. 
“We really are screwed, aren’t we?” You asked him, looking at him through your lashes, making the most pitiful expression your face was able to muster, making him laugh for the first time since you met him.
“We are, that’s sure,” he answered, drying his cheeks after his tears had escaped his eyes, this time thanks to him laughing, at least that was something, “but I think that we can both be the bigger person and accept that we both are going to have to make sacrifices.”
“For one, if I’m gonna have to spend the rest of my life with you,” you said, tentatively, not wanting to break the small truce you had managed to create, “I would like to get to know Hoseok. I know I already love Hobi, but as you said before, that’s not the true you. So, do you trust me enough, being an ARMY and all, to see the real Jung Hoseok? I don’t want my soulmate to be a stranger…”
“Do YOU trust me to get to know the real Y/N?” He deadpanned, leaving you effectively speechless. Seeing how dumbfounded that question rendered you, he continued speaking, “I trust you, not because your an ARMY, or because you weren’t. I trust you because you’re my soulmate, and I can feel what you feel. I am feeling uncertainty, and fear, but I am also feeling sincerity emanating from you in waves. If we trust the bond for something, I say it should be on this: we are equals here, Y/N. Not and idol and a fan. We are on the same level, and as your equal, I trust you and I ask the same of you. Do you feel it in you to trust me?”
Still unable to speak, you nodded your head, and felt how your throat was clogging with your own emotions. He was a person, THE person, who really understood what you were going through, and was willing to go with you all the way through. Maybe you didn’t know each other yet, but that would come eventually. Maybe you didn’t love each other, but you knew that would come too. And you also knew that he wouldn’t make you loose yourself in him. 
“Can I hold your hand?” You asked, your voice trembling, charged with emotion and your eyes brimming with tears.
“Are you sure?” He asked, looking at you for confirmation. Something as simple as the touch of your hands could send you barreling into an stupor of oblivion, but he was trusting you, trusting that you would hold onto him, as well as onto your wits, and wouldn’t give up control to the bond. Such a simple gesture filled your heart with a feeling you weren’t ready to analyse yet, and you gave it up as soon as it appeared, sure that it would come back at a time when it was welcomed, and you both were ready. So you nodded and he extended his hand forward. 
As soon as your fingertips touched, you braced yourself and prepared not to loose control when the bond threatened to take over. Euphoria filled you, but you steeled yourself and taking a deep breath, opened your eyes — that you hadn’t realised you had closed — and looked deep into Hoseok’s. You could see his struggle too and it helped keeping you from falling over the edge. After a few minutes, of both of you not letting go and looking eye to eye, something seemed to break and suddenly you didn’t need to try so hard not to succumb. Breathing unsteadily, you intertwined your fingers through Hoseok’s and smiled.
“Did you feel that too?” You both asked at the same time, and exploded into a fit of giggles. 
“This means we can work with this, we can build our resistance to each other!” You said, excited, “Maybe we can even try and spend time apart to see how long we can be without each other! Oh my God, this will make working so much easier!”
Chuckling, he used the hand he was holding to pull you closer to him and change the both of you into a more comfortable position.
“First of, it is a Saturday. No work today, Y/N. And second of all, let’s go one little thing at a time, okay? One thing at a time.”
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