#i miss that teenage bravery

[romantichore]

a student of mine brought her best friend's sketchbook for me to see today. it was at the bestie's request, because she was my student almost five years ago. back in the day she was an 8-year-old drawing mostly poop and toilet paper rolls, but she enjoyed drawing and after the first time I showed interest on it she started showing me more of what she drew.

she's getting so good at it. she's been clearly studying anatomy though she still tends towards less realistic styles. she draws little comics about her and her best friend's ocs. she's been exploring other mediums too, like watercolors instead of just pencil.

now I'm sitting here and holding back my tears because I am so, so proud. I remember sitting with her after class a handful of times because she had a new drawing to show me. once or twice we stayed late because she missed her mom and she just needed to cry about it, and we chatted about what she'd been drawing while we waited for her grandma to pick her up.

I don't think she remembers any of it, and it's okay. I'm just so glad she didn't quit it. and I'm so thankful that she trusted me not to be a dickish adult about it. she's even been open, they both have, about the fact that they're on that teenage girl into gay ships phase. they had no way of knowing I'm queer, because talking about anything lgbt+ is a no-no, but they trusted me anyway.

I hope it all means I've been doing something right. and I hope I get to see other sketchbooks as she progresses.

[testrella]

CRAZY RICH ASIANS…! G.SATORU X READER : PROLOGUE

𝜗𝜚 SYNOPSIS 𝜗𝜚

since the beginning of japan, the gojo clan has always been wealthy. the clan brought their money to rural japan and built from the bottom up, making them the landlords of half of japan.

gojo satoru, the heir to everything, finds himself in a difficult position as he fell for somebody who his family would never approve. yet, he cannot find himself to leave as you are the first girl who isn't interested in his family's wealth.

𝜗𝜚 | PROLOGUE

money.

sony corporation, mitsubishi corporation, nintendo co, sanrio co etc…

all these companies are based in japan and rack up billions in revenue every month. with money, comes power, and with power comes authority over everything.

and that was all satoru ever knew growing up.

“gojo satoru! how would i even begin to explain your state to your mother?!”

the first time satoru noticed his authority over people in the real world was when he was seven.

he was covered in mud, head to toe. any other day, he could’ve gotten away with it. but today was not those days.

the suit personally made for him that day was too tight. he believed if he took a walk outside, it’d stretch and fit to his liking. one thing led to another and his now ¥5790 suit was in ruins.

though he didn’t see an issue with the suit being covered in grimy wet dirt, and possibly worms. his mother gave him permission to go outside. but she knew that satoru, at age seven, would find a way to mess up his suit.

“how could you explain what to me?” the snake herself walked through satoru’s door.

satoru always believed his mother was a snake. not because her teeth could most certainly be filled with venom, or the fact she was twofaced. but because she lurks silently and waits for the right moment to wreak havoc.

before he could greet her, a loud, sharp smack was echoed in the room. almost like a wet towel was being thrown against the floor.

“how dare you let my child walk around looking like this?” her voice was strong and full of jurisdiction.

satoru watched the head maid get beaten to the floor. it was hit after hit. it was like a broken movie cd, and it replaying the worst scene.

“mom, please stop..” he spoke barely above a whisper. but somewhere within that sentence, he gained consciousness.

as he watched blood splattered across the room, he knew in that moment that he was the only one who could say something. everyone watched in terror as the young boy stood with unshaken bravery.

“mother, as future heir to the gojo clan, i-i command you to stop!!”

and she did. that was power.

and nobody in japan had any when standing next to gojo satoru.

taking care of kids full-time wasn’t something you had in mind. children are snotty, had sticky fingers and asked a million questions that have no answers.

your heart was set on journalism.

you wanted to be the next to have their big break with the most jaw dropping piece. but fate had other ideas for me.

“boys in the back, please be quiet. how many times do i have to ask all of you to not talk while someone’s presenting??” a frustrated sigh escaped your lips as they continued their banter at the kid in front of the class.

now you find yourself in a secondary classroom, asking teenagers to be quite for the millionth time.

“miss. l/n,” your head turned to the direction of the child, “may i use the restroom? it’s an emergency.”

you knew him well enough that he was trying to escape from presenting his project next. the boy was quiet and kept to himself. the only time he would ever speak was to use the restroom, or to greet you in the morning.

“nice try, you can go after you present. come on up fushiguro, you’re next.” you gave him an encouraging smile as his posture slumped.

you rested your arms on your desk and watched the boy slowly walk up to the front. he gave you one last ‘do i have to?’ look before speaking to his peers.

once again, the group of boys snickered and made rude remarks towards him.

“look at emo boy up there. his hair is covering his entire face!”

“i bet you could punch him, and he wouldn’t see it coming.”

before you could silence them, your student spoke up.

“why don’t you come up and find out then?”

the class starts echoing ‘ooouuu’ at his comeback. as smart as it was, it was highly inappropriate. sighing, you stand up from your chair “okay, settle down everyo-“

“OH SO ITS LIKE THAT EMO BOY?!”

one of the boys from the back stands up so aggressively that it knocks down the desk in front of him.

“yeah, it’s like that.” fushiguro states with the straightest face anybody could have. he was unphased by the other’s outburst. as if he had his share of tantrums from others.

“you’re gonna let him talk to you like that? beat his ass!” one kid blurted.

“get his ass! we got you from right here…” another said while muttering the last sentence.

and of course, with teaching, you get to see your fair share of fights. although nothing could’ve prepared for you to see a five v one.

..and nothing, absolutely NOTHING could’ve prepared you to watch the quiet kid in your class demolish all five boys before being separated.

“megumi fushiguro! i will be calling your father, and he WILL be having a meeting with miss. l/n and myself.” declared the head of the school.

you watched awkwardly as he slumped down into his chair, muttering a quiet ‘he’s not my father’ and wiping the dry blood on his face. you wanted to speak up but the tension in office was too thick.

“i’ll- um,” both the dean and megumi look at you, the first to break the silence. “i’ll get fushiguro some ice and bandages. i’ll be back before his father-“

“he’s not my dad!”

“oh! his um, his guardian. i’ll be back before his guardian arrives.” you sigh realizing that any errands you’ve had before would have to be rescheduled.

the cold, tingling feelings lingers on both hands as you alternate the ice bag on your hands. your eyes are glued to the floor as you have today's events replay in your head.

from your lack of situational awareness, you bump into a wall. or at least what you thought was a wall. you look up and see a white haired male towering over you.

“woah there little lady, you okay? seems like we’re both in a hurry today.”

𝜗𝜚 | CHAPTER ONE : fight! fight! fight!

tag list: @roscpctals99 @poeticlovefanpage @mistyheart @sureconfused @chilichopsticks @lightshowerrr @faeryminnyx @0001010dog @myabae @nivi @therealestpussyeater @kolpvii @sleepykittycx @browrm @tojisworm-5 @universallystrangeravenue @catobsessedlady @shivzypuff @nico707 @invisible-mori @peqch-pie @dilflover-3 @lovelivelaygh1324 @mo0sin @gojoracle @foliea @honoredalone @goldenglow149 @portgas459ace @sealsu @misorastars @hyori2 @selysixn

[ma1dita]

no hard feelings

this was a request! find it here

words: 5k (CHRIST)

summary: How can you be in love with someone you barely know? Feelings are hard. James potter x fem!reader

warnings: none! Angsty, tumultuous feelings, insecure!reader, teenage awkwardness, consensual veritaserum dosing, tiptoeing around feelings, headboy!james

a/n: why is james always so easy to write for… hope yall like this one!! I miss having a crush lol

(posted 12/14/23)

—-

“You’re staring again…” Dorcas drones next to you one day in Potions class. Your ears are barely listening to Professor Slughorn drone on about the magical properties and proper use of Veritaserum but your eyes are most definitely focused on James Potter, as they always are. It’s kind of hard to not notice him when his energy breaks through every room he walks into.

“Can’t help it. He’s doing that thing again…” You mutter, leaning against your arm as Dorcas flips through the pages of the textbook. Air escapes you in a puff of exasperation and your quill thumps against the desk in a tiny rhythm. The truth serum you both have been brewing for the past month was steadily bubbling in your shared cauldron, colorless and almost complete, if it weren’t for your usual distraction in the form of Hogwarts’ most eligible bachelor.

“Him being a nuisance?” She smiles at you crookedly, looking at the soft gaze in your eyes.

“Him existing. How dreadful for me.” You say simply before turning back to the task at hand.

There’s something about James Potter that captivates the female gaze. All of Hogwarts knew, hell, he did too. Whatever it was, it’s starting to get annoying. Your eyes flicker back to him, hair swishing as your head shakes in contemplation. Dorcas grins at your predicament, this not being a new topic between the both of you.

James glances at you from his desk at the back of the room, fingers brushing the metal frame of his glasses as he catches you looking at him again, and he smiles boyishly when he sees your eyes dart elsewhere. Compared to other girls’ ostentatious efforts to grab his attention, you’d always been more reserved and standing a distance away. And despite your mutual friends, you both had never really had a proper conversation. Not alone at least. So yes, you may have an insanely big crush on the most popular guy at Hogwarts, but it didn’t mean he’d have to hear it from you. That would involve…having to actually find time to talk to him, which proved to be difficult with every girl that spent their free time batting their eyelashes at him, sending him declarations of feelings in the post, or falling over in front of him to ask him on dates. Slightly pathetic, but you admired their bravery. Silence was your own death sentence, and perhaps it was more suave in your mind. The cool girl who was anything but. Godric, why are feelings so annoying…

Your heart rate stays elevated through the rest of class, and as you pack your things, you rush to put your stuff in your knapsack, digging through the leather to find a hair ribbon. The distraction impairs your vision and your foot slips on a leather strap. Your body runs right into a solid wall of muscle, sending you into James’s seated frame, and both of you sprawling across the classroom floor.

“Wotcher, love,” Sirius laughs as he sees the blush rise to your cheeks. James daintily grasps your waist as you’ve landed bent over onto his lap, feet tangled in the fallen chair.

“I am so sorry…” You blubber, hair in your face as you scramble to lift off of him. Both you and James kneel on the floor picking both your belongings up, and you feel like the Earth could swallow you whole right now with everyone staring at you.

“Looking completely stupid is what. Pete, you have to stop putting your bag in the aisle! I could’ve killed Potter!”

Peter blushes as he nudges his bag with his foot, and James hands you back your things, both of your hands touching as you figure out who belongs to what. Your hand fumbles over a clear vial of Veritaserum he definitely wasn't supposed to take home, and your eyes meet James’ with a tilt of the head. His grin screams mischief, biting his lip, and taking the glass from between your fingers with a wink. I won’t tell if you won’t, his gaze says.

“Not a problem, darling. Anyone would be honored to be trampled by a pretty lady,” he says finally, dusting off his pants and offering you a hand to stand up. You scoff, taking it and not meeting his eyes in embarrassment. Remus lifts the chair that toppled over, handing you the hair ribbon you spent so long finding.

“Thanks, Rem. See you all later at the party?” Bobbing heads follow you out of the classroom where you are quickly bombarded by a gaggle of girls calling you lucky for bumping into James.

“You’re so smart for falling on him like that…” “He seems so strong picking you up so easily…” “Did he smell nice today? He always smells nice…”

All of the chattering voices make you laugh at these mere acquaintances who don’t care as much for you as they do for the boy standing in the doorway with his friends.

“Off to class now, ladies.” James reminds them, his Head Boy badge gleaming against the sunlight in the corridor. They scatter, leaving hushed compliments and giggles in his direction. But you don’t look at him at all, tying your hair back almost methodically. His eyes fall upon the slope of your neck, and he’s got that look in his eye…

“What, James?” Remus asks inquisitively, all four boys looking at you as you walk off down the hall.

“How come she barely talks to me?” he ponders, shoving his jumper over his elbows, and Sirius slings an arm over his best friend as he laughs.

“All the attention you get, and you’re still greedy, huh?”

“Not that, she talks to all of you so easily, and then she goes and calls me Potter like we aren’t friends…” he says, swiveling to look at his boys, walking backward to see their reactions. Well, he didn’t expect them to laugh that hard.

“Are you though? She’s our friend, we hang out with her… Have you ever had a real conversation between the two of you?” Pete points out, scratching the back of his neck.

“Suppose not…”

“Suppose you should… She’s really nice. Pretty funny too.” Remus pipes up.

James thinks back, and regrettably, he can’t remember much about you, always a wallflower in his periphery. He hasn’t made much of an effort to get to know you since you started being around the gang. Maybe that should change.

“She’s stunning, if I’m honest, boys. Way less forward than the other birds…”

“I can see an idea forming in your head James Potter, don’t even start…” Remus says, book in hand ready to hit him across the chest. Sirius and Peter laugh, starting to run around the two, and everything stops once the sandy-haired boy blurts, “Word out is that she majorly fancies you, Prongs…Maybe you should go for it!”

James stops in his tracks, bumping into a marble column as they round the corner. How can you like him if you don’t know him…and he doesn’t know anything about you?

“Highly unlikely, Worms. She doesn’t even call me by my first name…” The new predicament of this admission rises to the forefront of James' mind, and it’s all he can think about for the rest of the day, through the rest of class, and Quidditch practice, up until he gets ready for the party at Gryffindor Tower.

—

You’re getting ready with the girls, hands brushing over microscopic lint on your silk top, and you’re quite unsure of why there’s a nerve-wracking feeling overtaking your body.

“You look lovely, babe,” Alice says as she admires you from Marlene’s bed, legs hanging off the side.

“I need a drink,” you laugh, looking at the girls through the mirror, and Mary tosses you a shooter of firewhiskey to ease the nerves. The door swings open and Lily walks in, looking almost sternly at the lot of you.

“How are you all still up here? Everyone looks beautiful, now let’s all get drunk! Godric knows we need it after this week we’ve had…”

The girls walk down the stairs to the common room, you following slowly as your eyes meet the crowd of students all partaking in the grand celebration of nothing. Merlin, you love this school. Cracking the bottle open, you toss your head back as you take the shot, and then Sirius is swinging you around onto the dancefloor as you try not to gag. The party is in full swing—students dancing on the tables, drinks flowing, and music playing as loud as possible that you wonder how McGonagall won’t shut this down by midnight.

James tries to find a moment to talk to you all night, but he can’t seem to get an edge in. Were you always this popular? You were always dancing with someone else, or talking to a friend, and it’s also distracting to have girls trying to chat with him about who-knows-what, and he almost gets frustrated at the fact he’s unable to catch your eye.

“James, do you think I look pretty in this dress?” a hand grazes his bicep, and he remembers he’s in the middle of a conversation with… Flora? Frannie?

“Mhmm,” he mutters noncommittally, eyes searching the crowd for where he last saw you, watching you walk out towards the balcony.

“Sorry Fizz, gotta go find someone!” He skirts around the girl who yells, “It’s Faith!” almost indignantly, and James shakes his head as he weaves through the sea of drunk people to reach you before you get away again.

You stand on the balcony, alone. The party hums on behind you, through the open doors, but all of it feels miles away. You take a deep, steadying breath into your chest as you stare out into the field. The quiet serenity of the night and the alcohol is giving you a head rush, making you dizzy and lightheaded, but you feel your pulse beating like a drum as your hands are steady on the railing.

Sudden footsteps break the silence, and you turn to find that James is standing right behind you. He places his hands near yours as he steps closer, staring out into the night as well.

"Leaving so soon?" he asks as he slides up beside you.

"Just needed some air," you reply, looking towards the dancing masses spilling out onto the stairs and tables behind the glass.

"What’s a Gryffindor gathering without its resident life of the party?" he teases, leaning on the railing and smiling cheekily at you.

“Says you…” Your eyebrow quirks at his boldness. You don’t think you two have ever even been at a table alone, much less out here on the balcony by yourselves.

James is leaning close to you, still gazing up at the night sky. You can feel the warmth of his breath on your neck, and you suddenly have a strange urge to turn to him, to look him in the eye and tell him how badly you wish to have a proper conversation with him. For him to know you like you know him.

His voice pulls you out of your thoughts, a sly grin on his face. James raises an eyebrow, almost as if he's reading your mind.

"Can you keep a secret?" His voice is like cinnamon, sweet with an edge.

“If it’s about the Veritaserum, I didn’t see anything….” you joke, throwing your head back.

His eyes flash with amusement as he smiles at you, his eyes gleaming in the moonlight.

"Maybe you should look up at me for a minute." You turn to look at him, and your heart flutters at his words.

"I want to ask you something," he whispers, his face close to yours. You're not sure why he's whispering - there’s no one else out here, but you don't mind.

"What?" you ask. James grins at you, and you can't help but grin back. He pauses, biting his lip to hold in his laugh, and then he leans in closer, his face so close you can count his lashes, curly hair falling softly against your temple.

"Are we friends?" he asks, and the hilarity of it makes you scoff, but the smile on your face lets him know it’s not unkind.

"Maybe, but not really. You've always been out of reach for me, Potter."

"Do you wish we were?" He seems genuine in this moment, hazel eyes staring into yours as if he's trying to see into your soul. He's always been popular, and he knows girls fawn over him, but he's never spoken to you this way before. Perhaps his bravery only goes so far when he’s with you.

"I would love for us to be friends," you say quietly, unsure of his intentions. "I'm so awkward around you, I just... have a hard time saying what I want to say. It always feels like I'm going to say something stupid." You blush as you admit this, but you force yourself to meet his eyes.

James gives you a light, charming laugh, and you're left speechless as your words fade away. His eyes are so intense, and the way his jaw sits firm just makes you want to melt into a puddle at his feet. You stay still for a moment, your heart racing, waiting for him to say something, do something you know you don’t have the guts for.

"What if we tried..." he pauses as if he's thinking it through himself.

"Just being completely honest with each other? For the rest of the night?" he asks, his fingers pulling a familiar stolen vial out of his pocket.

"For the rest of the night?" you ask, your voice slightly shaky. "I... I don't know if I can..."

He tips a few drops of Veritaserum into both of your drinks.

"Bottoms up." He downs his cup in one go.

Your eyes meet his in shock, your lips slightly parted as you take in the realization that you'll finally get the truth out of him. But in the adrenaline that courses through your veins, you don't stop to think that this will affect you too. He can see how nervous you are, and he winks at you, and his voice drops to a whisper.

"Trust me," he urges, and it's impossible to deny his request with a smile like that.

“You’re crazy,” you mumble, but you take a heavy sip of the Veritaserium-laced drink anyway, and every single word that's on your mind attempts to escape, the air around the two of you feeling charged with blind confidence.

"We're playing a dangerous game here, Potter. Too bad I've had enough to drink to care."

You laugh at that, and he chuckles along with you. The alcohol seems to make the Veritaserum work even faster, and it's not as if it tastes bad. In fact, it's rather delicious. Addicting.

"You're right," he replies, laughing so much that he has to hold his sides. The mirthful grin that curls into your lips is only increased as you take in the scene before you. "So. What do you want to know?" he asks. He puts his hand on your waist, fingers grazing your belt loop and you feel your blood rush to your face.

“Do you still like Lily? And if not, do the girls chasing you around school get annoying?”

"Honestly, I'm not sure," he answers you with such seriousness that it makes you grin toothily. This is dangerous.

"I used to like her... a lot." The admission makes you lean in until you can hear his breathing.

"I've never felt anything like that towards anyone else, but I could. I might already." he continues, his voice so low, almost sultry, that your pupils dilate. Watch yourself. You're so taken with the way he looks at you, so focused, that you wonder if it’s really him or the alcohol.

“Ask me something, Potter. It’s only fair.”

James looks down at you with a mischievous smile. "Let's start with the big one, then... what are your intentions with me? Little mouse told me you have a crush."

He says it almost in a whisper as if it's a dangerous question, and you can feel his breath on your lips as he waits for your response. It is dangerous. The way he words it makes you laugh, but instantly, your deepest thoughts come tumbling out of your mouth. This was definitely a terrible idea….

“I genuinely think I’m in love with you,” you admit to him, unable to hide the slight quiver in your voice.

“But you barely know me, so you probably think I’m crazy,” you blurt out, hand slapping over your mouth.

"And I've wanted to be near you since the first moment I ever saw you. Something about you is... so..." You trail off, suddenly shy with your words, but you can feel his eyes on you as he waits for the rest of your answer.

"It's silly," you say, not wanting to admit the true reason you want him.

James grins at you and his nose brushes your cheek, the scent of his aftershave making you weak. He could be extra mean right now, coaxing the rest of the truth out of you with a single word, but the embarrassment that wrestles in your being is enough for the next few lifetimes.

"It's okay," he whispers and places a hand gently on your cheek, his fingers brushing against your skin.

"Maybe things will be different now that I know."

He stares at your lips and then suddenly asks, "Do you want to kiss?" His voice is soft as silk, and you can't believe that you've heard right. What the hell just happened?

“Um, no. Sorry.” The door cracks open with Sirius peeking out to see the two of you, but you push past him back into the party. James is left dumbfounded by your rejection, feeling like he got caught in a riptide as he drowns in embarrassment.

His eyes are wide as you hurry out the door, and you don't even turn back to look at James - instead, you're so preoccupied with getting away from him and back to your dorm that you almost run into Dorcas, who offers you a curious look as you dump out the rest of your drink in a potted plant.

“What happened, Prongs? You scare her away?” Sirius says with raised eyebrows as he looks at James standing stupidly at the edge in the dark.

“Actually, she’s in love with me and she just rejected me. And I’m on truth serum for the next few hours, and I can't figure out how I fucked up.”

James has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth when he’s left alone, and usually he’s aware of it. But even with the Veritaserum, he can’t figure out for the life of him why you ran away, no matter how many times the boys rephrase the question to him.

—-

You avoid him like the plague in the days after.

As much as you've wanted to pretend that the experience with James with just a figment of your imagination brought on by the amount of alcohol you drank, you can't help but feel utterly mortified around James. You keep your distance, only leaving your room when you absolutely have to, running out of classes you share like you’re being timed.

As the truth serum left your body that night, you’ve become increasingly sure of how you feel about James - even more so than before. It was the first time you’ve ever said you’re in love, and how can you be in love if you didn’t know it yourself before the fact! You're absolutely terrified of looking crazy like that again, of being vulnerable. Even as you try to keep your distance from him, he's literally everywhere, which only makes things worse for your emotions.

It's late in the evening and you're finally mustering up the courage to leave your room and make your way to the kitchens to grab a midnight snack.

As you turn the corner, you stop in your tracks to see James leaning against the wall, his eyes closed as he seems to be enjoying the peace and quiet. The dim lighting of the passageway casts shadows over his features and makes you wonder if he can see you at all. Your heart races and you feel as if you're back on the balcony all over again.

His eyes pop open, almost as if he was waiting for you and you can feel your stomach drop to your feet as he stares straight back at you,

"Where do you think you're going, pretty girl?" He asks, a small smile on his face.

"And why are you out this late?" He sounds almost suspicious, and you suddenly feel like a criminal just for sneaking around him so much.

"Umm... nowhere," you stammer, wishing you could disappear into the night.

"I…” You take a deep breath. Own it, already! You were already caught!

“Are you asking that as Head Boy, or…”

His smile widens, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he steps closer.

“I could, but I’m asking as a friend.”

“Didn’t know you were patrolling tonight.”

He makes a noise that doesn’t sound like a yes or a no, because honestly, he wasn’t. The crinkle of the map in his pocket would give him away if you only knew about it. You sigh, running a hand over your hair and he’s still standing there, waiting for you to say something next.

“I just came out to grab a snack. I missed dinner, so I wanted to go to the kitchens.”

“Can I come with?” And before you can reply, he’s offering his arm out for you to latch onto. You both walk silently through the halls and tickle the pear, and this somehow feels normal, comfortable, though you’ve never hung out alone like this. The house elves whizz past you, tending to your needs, and they set a tray of pastries out for the both of you to snack on. He just watches you silently as you both tiptoe around the true reason you’re both here. You're in the middle of eating a danish when he suddenly speaks.

"Why did you say no?"

You stop, flaky crumbs hanging from between your lips as you look at him.

"I asked if you wanted to kiss me, and you said no. But you said you love me, so I’ve been thinking about it since that night," James says, and you almost spit out your food. Did he actually want to kiss you?

“We were under Veritaserum…I just... I got embarrassed. I've never told anyone I've loved them before." you mumble, eyes falling to the table.

"And you barely know me. Why would you want to kiss me?" you add, dusting crumbs off your shirt. He leans in closer to you on the bench as if he’s whispering a secret.

"You barely know me, why would you say you love me?" James counters, as if he’s making a point. In truth, you know him well enough from hanging around his friends. You just never mustered the confidence to actually be his friend. Intimidating as he is, point A being him leaning so close to you that you think he might smell your fear.

"But I do know you, you just don't notice me." you mumble.

You and James both sit in silence for a moment, still in shock by the words that you've both said. The sound of the creaking wooden floorboards catches your attention as someone enters the kitchen. The two of you freeze, looking up to see Remus entering.

"What are you two doing here so late?" he asks, confused.

"I'm not sure," you stammer, feeling your face flush as you realize that you're both alone together, almost cuddling on the kitchen bench. You grab another pastry off the tray and stand up to walk out.

"Goodnight!" you blurt, walking away quickly, but James isn't letting you off that easy.

"Scuse us Moons, I'm not done with her yet," he says, following your footsteps quickly out into the hall.

You hurry away from Remus and out of the kitchen. All of your fears and insecurities seem to fill you once again as you try to process everything that's just happened. You're halfway up the stairs when James catches up to you.

"Wait," he says, putting his hand gently on your arm. You turn around, your arms wrapped tightly over your chest as you face him.

"I'm not trying to scare you, I just wanted to know," he continues, the dim light from the candles above creating deep shadows under his eyes.

“I just... Why do you care? There's so many girls that go after you, so why are you so interested in me? I already embarrassed myself in front of you like the rest of them. What makes this different?”

"Because you're different," he replies instantly.

"You're honest. Not in the way they are which makes me wonder if they even like me or just want to be associated with me. I want what you have with our friends. I want to know you," he continues quietly.

"Those girls are so focused on the idea of me and what I have to offer, but something tells me you’re different than that. And I want to know you, love. I want to know what makes you tick. You're not just some pretty girl to me," he says softly.

“You already make me tick. Standing here makes me feel like I'm going to burst into flames.” You breathe shakily, throwing caution to the wind as you continue, "You already know you're attractive, and I don't lo----like you just because of that. You're really kind when you help other students, and you don't usually prod at me like this when I can't articulate my feelings, but you're considerate. You asked me if I wanted to kiss you. You care if people are happy, and you make people feel seen, even if they're bothering you. James, even if you're a leader it's because you're a great team player. Even if you don't really know me, it makes my day when you smile at me in class. You...make me feel important."

James just stares at you with wide eyes as you spew words like a waterfall. He suddenly bites his tongue as if he's trying to stop himself, a heavy blush covering his cheeks even in the darkness of the candlelight.

You suddenly take in everything that the two of you are saying - and you realize that he's actually listening. He's really listening. There's such a raw honesty to it, and your heart races so fast inside your chest as you tack it onto the mental list of why you love him.

"So I guess that's why. Even if I didn't know it myself. Sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry for what? For sharing your heart with me?" he asks, his voice growing soft and a boyish smile crosses his face. He steps up onto the landing so both of you are eye level.

"If I asked to kiss you, would you say no again?" he whispers.

“As a friend?” you joke, but you don’t move away when his nose brushes yours.

His voice sends shivers through your spine, and you look up at his hazel eyes as he gazes down at you. He pulls you gently towards him, your back meeting the stone wall as he lowers his lips to yours. You close your eyes for just a moment, but the moment between the two of you lasts an eternity. There’s something electric about your lips meeting his, and the two of you melt together in the darkened alcove. It’s funny how it works, your confidence making you feel like you’re floating as you loop your arms around his neck, and the usually assertive Marauder can’t figure out where to place his hands as they hover over your waist.

As soon as it ends, James breaks away from you as if he's suddenly embarrassed that he’s just kissed you right in the stairwell. Now he’s the bashful one. The taste of cinnamon and mint still lingers even as he steps away, hand scratching the nape of his neck.

"I didn't know what else to say. Can’t seem to be cool around you," he says as he fixes your hair, a quirk in his kiss-swollen lip as he stares at you, eyes twinkling.

"I like you a lot," he says, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I want to be with you. I want you to call me by my first name."

"You'll have to get to know me first. No hard feelings though, Potter," you say cheekily, stepping away and walking back to your room.

All that’s left of you is the forgotten pastry on the ground. James’ chest rumbles with a laugh as he scoops it up, almost skipping away.

—

He doesn’t leave you alone after that. And you make him work for it. It’s new for him, to be someone’s first and earnest choice. He thinks about you often, even when you’re right next to him, and he wants to do this right. James learns to love like you do, quietly, honestly.

You’re all hanging around the Black Lake with your friends as he leans against a tree lazily, both your fingers intertwined in the grass. James watches you laugh at Sirius and Mary splashing each other in the water, and he can see how easy it is to love someone by just watching them.

"You know," he remarks after watching silently for a moment, "you radiate when you smile."

Your face goes flush and you look down at the ground, your fingers still intertwined with his. You can feel his gaze on you, but you're too nervous to look back up at him.

"I like it when you laugh loudly, and the crease in your forehead that shows you’re thinking too hard," he adds softly, and you look up at him with wide eyes. He gives your hand a gentle squeeze and a small smile plays across his lips.

“I’m finding all these reasons why I’m falling for you. Is it supposed to be this easy?” He asks, leaning his head on yours.

“Yes James,” you say without hesitating, no Veritaserum needed.

The next time either of you says I love you, it leaves his lips first, and you know it’s true because he’s more than a friend now too.

—

“To feel anything deranges you. To be seen feeling anything strips you naked.” -Anne Carson

love me some tunes! i listened to "you're here, that's the thing" by beabadoobee while writing!

taglist: @jsjcue

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Charlie: “Whhhew...! That was-”

Vaggie: “A lot?”

Charlie: “-better than expected!”

Vaggie: “No kidding. If I’d known inviting your dad here would get Alastor looking like a wet cat, I’d’ve pushed for it sooner.”

Charlie: “I’m just glad you pushed when you did.” (smooch) “Thank you. I’ve missed him.”

Vaggie: “Looks like he’s really missed you too, babe.”

Charlie: “Mm. Not enough to call, though.”

Vaggie: “Ehh, calling can be scary. Good thing you’re plenty brave.”

Charlie: “Only when you’re holding my hand!”

Vaggie: “Husk would say that’s an act of fucking bravery all on it’s own, letting yourself get grabbed by the small, mean, grumpy lady. Remind me not to help him out at the bar again ever. I think there’s vodka in my hair.”

Charlie: “I’ll try, but you know you’re gonna help anyway.” (second smooch) “Can I get a ‘you’re welcome’?”

Vaggie: (chuckling) “Charlie, I didn’t do anything.”

Charlie: “You do lots.”

Vaggie: “And thank hell Angel Dust isn’t around to hear that…”

Charlie: “I’m serious! You got me to call dad in the first place!”

Vaggie: “I just suggested it, you’re the one who did it, and you two worked things out together like a real father-daughter team.”

Charlie: “And we’re a great team too.”

Vaggie: “Well I’m definitely a pretty big fan of us. Although…. Sir Pentious and Keekee are giving us a run for our money. And the Niffty plus a lock of Lucifer’s hair combo might just have us beat.”

Charlie: “Blegh! She actually got that in the end? I thought her scissors couldn’t even cut it!”

Vaggie: “They didn’t. She used my spear.”

Charlie: “She WHAT-”

Vaggie: “And asked your dad very nicely to please take off his hat so she could trim off a piece without ruining the rest of his hair.”

Charlie: (sigh) “I guess as long as she ASKED…”

Vaggie: “D’you think her whole room is just a shrine to quote unquote bad boys?”

Charlie: “Oh don’t say that. We need to introduce her to some boybands or something.”

Vaggie: “We?”

Charlie: “Yes ‘we’, little miss likes making lesbian covers of the songs normally sung by teenage boys while you’re in the shower and think the sound of running water can in any way drown out your beautiful, heart stopping voice-”

Vaggie: “I- you- You’ve been listening!?”

Charlie: “Eeeev-er-y morning yep! Heheh~”

Vaggie: “Diablo mio… I need a drink.”

Charlie: (giggling) “To go with the vodka hair?” (nibbles Vaggie’s fringe) “Nom nom nom. Delicious~”

Vaggie: “Scratch that- clearly WE need some SLEEP.”

Charlie: “How can I sleep at all tonight, though? Vaggie- we’re gonna get a meeting with the top angels of creation! We’re gonna be on cloud nine! Literally! In HEAVEN!!”

Vaggie: “And sleep won’t be enough to prepare me for that but you definitely need it.”

Charlie: “It’s impossible! I need to SING!!!!!”

Vaggie: “You need to go shuck off those shoes and get in your ruby slippers while I put in your fav movie so we can get some rest.”

Charlie: “If you put in the Wizard of Oz you know I’m 100% gonna sing anyway right.”

Vaggie: “Yeah, but you’ll be singing in bed so you can keep watching the movie, and that’s good enough for me.”

Charlie: “I love youuuu~”

Vaggie: “Love you too sweetie. Slippers. Bed. Z’s. Now.”

Charlie: (kicks off shoes) “Ta da! There’s no place like home!"

Charlie: (clicks hooves together)

Charlie: "Heheheheh...!”

Vaggie: “I meant on the bed in your pajamas and under the actual covers- vaya, whatever. Scoot. Don’t go running off to Oz without me.”

Charlie: (snuggling vaggie in a hug instead) “I’m never going anywhere without you, Vaggie. Including heaven.”

Vaggie: (awkward laugh) “Great…”

Charlie: “Wanna know whyyyy?”

Vaggie: (smiles) “I make a great hand-holder, apparently.”

Charlie: “Yes. And, you’re home.”

Vaggie: “….yeah? I’m here? This is our room?”

Charlie: (snorting) “Vaggie-”

Vaggie: “In our hotel??”

Charlie: “Vaggie nooo- Anywhere else would be home too, with you there.”

Vaggie: “…..”

Vaggie: (deep breath)

Vaggie: “…... Charlie-”

Charlie: “You gonna press play?”

Vaggie: “-huh? Oh. Yeah.”

Charlie: (snuggling her) “This has been an amazing day. Wish every day could be like this, forever.”

Vaggie: “Yeah.” (hoarse) (curling up as close to charlie as she can) "Me too.”

-101 minutes of Oz later-

Vaggie: "Charlie?"

Charlie: "... nnnoooo..."

Vaggie: "Charlie, c'mon, at least let's get your coat off."

Charlie: "Mmrrr... mi mi mi..."

Vaggie: "You can go 'snork mi mi mi' afterwards. Work with me here, Dorothy- I can't get you settled into Oz without help."

Charlie: "Hmmheheheh... so im Dorothy..?"

Vaggie: "Definitely. You've got the ruby slippers on and everything."

Charlie: "I love that you call my hooves that~ Thats so silly. You're so silly, Vaggie."

Vaggie: "And you're already half asleep. Suspenders next, okay?"

Charlie: "Remove the suspenders... delete the suspenders..."

Vaggie: "Get your horns tangled in the suspenders somehow, wait, hold on-"

Charlie: "SUSPEND the SUSPEDERS!"

Vaggie: "Alright, good enough. That's all the annoying stuff gone anyway. You should be good like that, right?"

Charlie: "Sleeeeeepy. Snuggles?"

Vaggie: "Snuggles right after I change, give me one sec okay."

Charlie: "Mmm."

Charlie: "...vaggie."

Vaggie: "That was half a second."

Charlie: "Vaggiiiiie."

Vaggie: "I'm right over here, stop making grabby hands."

Charlie: "Vaggggiiiiiiiee...!"

Vaggie: (huffs) "Fine, fine..." (snuggles) "Not like my nightie would cover much anyway. But if we end up having to get up in the middle of the night for something exploding again, you're going out first, and I'm stealing your jacket."

Charlie: "You look good in my clothes."

Vaggie: "I look like a ten year old. The sleeves have to be rolled back to the elbow just so I have hands."

Charlie: "I like your hands..."

Vaggie: "Thanks." (kiss) "Go to sleep, Charlie."

Charlie: "Wait- heheheh- wait, Vaggie-"

Vaggie: "What?"

Charlie: "Vaggie, Vaggieeee~!"

Vaggie: "Giggling into my boobs isn't helping me understand what you're saying, babe."

Charlie: "Vaggie. If I'm Dorothy, and youuuu are GAY, then.."

Vaggie: "Little scared to see where this is going, not gonna lie."

Charlie: "Does that make-" (snickers) "Does that make you a girlfriend of Dorothy's?"

Vaggie: "............."

Charlie: "Vaggie~?"

Vaggie: "...Charlie. Please."

Vaggie: "Go the fuck to sleep."

Charlie: "HEH!"

[hurpdurpburps]

Kozakura and Toriko

SPOILER WARNING: major spoilers up to Vol 8 of the novels, screenshots of the manga-exclusive Kozakura POV Special Chapter 10 and two passing mentions of minor character development in Vol 9 of the novel (currently only in Japanese).

Vol 10 of the English manga was released yesterday, and re-reading the Kozakura POV Special Chapter at the end reminded me why it was actually my favourite of all the ones published so far, and why I am so enamoured with Kozakura as a character.

I know that a lot of the fandom is amused by the idea of Sorawo having a harem (and it's true - Miyazawa straight up confirms Runa's crush in Vol 9 and has regularly insinuated at Kozakura's feelings throughout the volumes), but I think not nearly enough people talk about Kozakura's dynamic with Toriko, or how the story unfolds from her perspective as literally the "only grown-up in the room" before Migiwa's introduction.

So this post is gonna talk about that.

There are multiple times where the story depicts Kozakura favouring Sorawo over Toriko, such as in when she asked Sorawo to accompany her back home because she was scared, or when she decided to call only Sorawo to go over to her house to collect the free hot springs tickets. A lot of people chalk it up to Kozakura liking Sorawo, but if anything I think this behaviour is more of a manifestation of the lack of guilt towards her, compared to the boatload she has towards Toriko.

In the novels, we as readers feel the disgust and dread from Sorawo's POV as someone retroactively discovering that her friend was a victim of grooming.

But what about Kozakura? If you think about the OP character chart from a bird's eye view, she wasn't a victim - nor exactly an innocent bystander. If anything, she'd be an accessory to a predator, being a late-20s/early-30s adult witnessing her similar-aged coworker rope in who was a literal teenager at the time to traversing and exploring a creepy af alternate reality, and doing absolutely fuck all about it.

Miyazawa made a deliberate decision here, to write in no uncertain terms, that Kozakura was conscious of what Satsuki was doing to Toriko, or the impropriety lurking beneath the dynamics of their "tutor-student" relationship. Kozakura saw it coming - his writing leaves no room for other interpretations - and she let it happen.

And how does she cope with this guilt? Kozakura could've avoided Toriko's attempts at reaching out after Satsuki's disappearance. It would've been easy I think, for Kozakura to simply break off all contact. A simple "our mutual friend is gone so bye" would've sufficed to send Toriko packing for good. Toriko is an abysmally shy girl - and unlike Sorawo, Kozakura knew that side of her from the start. Kozakura is clearly not afraid or incapable of conveying her displeasure, but nonetheless makes the conscious, harder decision to make Toriko feel comfortable enough to stick around.

Kozakura unexpectedly grows more accustomed to taking care of Toriko, plus her new sidekick Sorawo, over time. So much so that by the time Vol 6 rolls around, she pretty much gives up her house and lets our dynamic duo do what they want. By extension, I think her guilt over not doing anything to help Toriko in the past was a driving factor behind her decision to take in Kasumi. In a sense, it's a do-over, and now she's right there from the start to make sure the train doesn't derail. I'm happy to reveal that her efforts have paid off - Kasumi's communication abilities have greatly improved in Vol 9. Now the kid says hi, eats ice cream on the couch obediently when ordered to do so, and quotes entire Wikipedia pages psychically or whatever.

The complicated vortex of envy, jealousy and guilt doesn't stop Kozakura from trying to do right by Toriko, but that doesn't mean it's easy to face her either. Coupled with Sorawo's many similarities to her missing crush (emotional erh, robustness, vague physical resemblance, bravery regarding all things Otherside) and the lack of a complicated interpersonal history, it's no wonder why Kozakura intuitively prefers talking to our protagonist than the poor Bird Girl she allowed to be manipulated. And I don't think she's very conscious of this inclination herself.

Personally, I prefer this interpretation of Kozakura's behaviour, rather than the more popular everyone-likes-Sorawo take (not that it's not valid, unsupported, or fun). Also, this is my all-vibes no-evidence theory, but Kozakura totally seems to me like someone who'd only be into older women, not younger...

But that's probably just me projecting. I relate to Kozakura's position quite a bit, as a late-20s woman who leads a team of mostly early-20s younger women fresh out of university, like a naggy mother hen.

Many stories depict difficult situations from the eyes of a victim, survivor, or even perpetrator, but not enough explore the guilt of someone who acknowledges that she could've stopped a bad thing from happening, in my opinion. And she forces herself to atone by proactively keeping an eye for these girls. While maintaining that superior holier-than-thou attitude towards her kids lol. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh I love Miyzawa's takes so much.

This is a 5am, caffeine-fueled ramble. It's not particularly insightful or profound, but I have a lot of energy right now and decided to pen down these surging thoughts.

And yeah - buy the manga! The Kozakura POV shorts add such a rich dimension to these already-deeply introspective novels, and personally I think it really highlights Miyazawa's hyperawareness of complicated, problematic interpersonal dynamics.

PS. I wonder how many volumes we have to reach before finally knowing Kozakura's first name lol.

[radidoes]

Can you please do platonic Alastor x gn!child!reader headcanons?

They can be some kid that he took under his wings or just straight up his kid back when he was still alive.

LITTLE DOVE 🕊

A/N- this is such a cute idea omg,, i'd definitely say he wouldn't be the best dad considering the hell situation, but he'd try. tysm for first submission 🫡

Alastor being a fatherly figure to a gn!child!reader headcannons, tooth rotting fluff :)

Alastor had found you while wandering the pride ring post extermination, you were hiding behind a recently deceased mother.

Although Alastor never once thought he would want a kid, he grew accustomed to your presence; he admired your curiosity and bravery, while others cowered with fear for the Radio Demon you had never once shown a hint of fear.

Alastor would often accompany you to many parts of Hells' rings, your notable favorite was visiting Rosie in Cannibal Town. He also took you to Lucifers' Lu Lu World; even if he hated Lucifer, he couldn't say no to you.

If Alastor couldn't accompany you he would have one of his shadows follow you, even if he wasn't there his aura made sure no one even thought of harming you.

If you were found during his time residing in the Hazbin Hotel he would most definitely only allow you alone with Charlie, knowing she was the most kind-hearted soul he could put his trust in.

He lets you play and toy around with his ears, horns, and his radio equipment. You dressed him up in silly hats and bows, and he doesn't bat an eye; of course, if someone saw he'd make sure they never spoke of it.

As you grew older, Alastor had taught you most of his combat knowledge (although you never needed it since he would always have someone watch over you.)

Being a teenager of course you rebelled; once running away from the hotel. Even if he wouldn't admit it Alastor felt true worry, that one of the most important people in his life had gone missing, he couldn't stand the thought of losing the only two things he cared about in his life, you and his mother, when he finally found you he made sure to keep an extra vigilant eye out for you wherever you went.

The other hotel residents made sure to treat you nicely; afraid of what Alastor would do to them if he saw them hurt his beloved child. Angel Dust would take extra precaution to watch his tongue, not wanting to be reprimanded for his vulgar language and manners Alastor frowned upon

Overall, you were one of the most important things he has in his life during Hell; and he made sure nothing would harm you, using any means necessary to protect you.

A/N- if you send requests, pls keep in mind i have others waiting im getting to them as fast as I can; I never expected so much!! please like if you enjoyed; I'm not the best but I try lolll,,, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! MWAHHH i don't want this to not do well bc I genuinely liked this idea :3

[rocknroll7575]

Jaune Ending (Guardian Ghost AU)

Here's the Jaune Ending (I'll be doing the other endings as well in separate posts)

~~~~~~~~

Jaune Arc, now 26 years old, walked slowly toward the cliffs near Beacon's emerald forest, each step triggering memories of his initiation. A nostalgic smile crossed his face as he recalled those early days of his adventure.

Jaune's appearance had changed significantly since then. His once pristine white and gold armor was now rusted and battle-worn. His hair had grown long, tied back in a practical ponytail, revealing the passage of time.

As he walked, he felt the gaze of several eyes upon him. Glancing back, he saw students peering out from the cafeteria windows, their faces pressed against the glass, watching the legendary huntsman. Though he could meet his admirers later, there were more pressing matters at hand.

Reaching the cliff, Jaune came upon a row of gravestones, each one adorned with the emblems of the fallen and surrounded by offerings of flowers, food, and drinks. These graves honored those who had died in the long war against Merlot, a tribute to their bravery and sacrifice.

Jaune knelt and began to read each name, letting the memories flood back:

Pyrrha Nikos, Bart Oobleck, May Zedong, Yatsuhashi Daichi, Cinder Brair, Cardin Winchester, Summer Rose, Nora Valkyrie, Glynda Goodwitch, Mercury Black, Qrow Branwen, Lie Ren, Weiss Schnee, Velvet Scarlatina, and Reese Chloris.

Every name evoked a rush of emotions and vivid recollections. Despite the pain of their loss, Jaune found solace in the happy memories he had shared with each of them, no matter how brief. Those small moments of joy and laughter, of battles fought side by side, brought him a sense of peace.

"I see you're back this year as well," a familiar voice said softly.

Jaune turned to find Arslan standing a few feet away, her expression tinged with sorrow. Her presence was a comforting reminder of the bonds they still shared.

Jaune smiled warmly at her. "Arslan, it's good to see you," he replied. "Are the others not here?"

Arslan shook her head. "Ruby and Yang are tied up with business involving the new council, and Nolan, Fox, and Coco are on a mission with their own students, something urgent with the Atlas council came up, so Kobalt and Ciel had to stay in the kingdom, and Neon's running a little late because she and her son got on the wrong Bullhead," she explained.

"So it's just us for now, huh?" Jaune asked, a hint of melancholy in his voice.

Arslan nodded.

Jaune placed a flower on each of the graves, taking his time with each one. When he finished, he let out a heavy sigh, the weight of loss pressing down on him. Arslan stepped closer, standing beside him as they both gazed at the graves. Their focus naturally gravitated to the markers of their own teammates who had fallen.

"You know," Arslan began, her voice tinged with nostalgia, "I miss the days when we were just two teams, dealing with teenage drama and getting into the most insane situations..."

Jaune nodded, a wistful smile on his face. "I feel the same," he said softly. "Everything... was just so much simpler back then,"

Arslan smirked, a playful glint in her eyes. "Well, not exactly simple, you had a dead wizard in your head, remember?"

Jaune chuckled, the sound warm and genuine. "Yeah, okay, you got me there."

After their shared laughter faded, a contemplative silence settled over them as they continued to gaze at the gravestones.

"I don't like being stuck in the past," Arslan said after a moment. "Pyrrha... Weiss... They sacrificed themselves so we could have a future,"

Jaune nodded thoughtfully. "May, Cardin, Reese... they all wanted me to keep moving forward, to create a future where I could be happy, and I think it's time to do just that,"

Arslan raised an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. "How so?" she asked.

Jaune shrugged, a thoughtful look on his face. "I don't know exactly... but I think I know where to start." He turned to look at her, a smile forming on his lips. "Arslan?"

"Yeah?"

"You doing anything after work?"

Arslan shook her head, intrigued by the sudden shift in his demeanor. "No, why?"

Jaune took a deep breath, gathering his courage. "Would you... maybe want to grab a bite to eat? Just the two of us?"

Arslan's eyes widened in surprise before her expression softened into a warm smile. "I would love that," she replied. "Nothing fancy though, right?"

Jaune chuckled and nodded. "Nothing fancy... just something fast and greasy," he said with a grin.

Arslan gave him an approving nod. "Good," she replied. "Now then, I think you have some fans waiting for you," she added, gesturing toward the group of students watching from a distance.

Jaune sighed good-naturedly. "Better get it over with," he said, smiling.

As Jaune and Arslan walked back toward Beacon, both felt a renewed sense of hope and warmth within their souls. Jaune glanced back at the graves one last time, and to his amazement, he saw the familiar faces of those he had lost. Reese, Ozma, Cardin, May, and even Salem stood there with soft smiles and expressions of peace.

Ozma and Salem stood hand in hand, both beaming at him. Cardin smirked and flashed a peace sign. May smiled softly, mouthing "I love you." Finally, Reese stepped forward, her smile the brightest of them all. She looked at him and said, "See... everything's alright, keep moving forward, to your future,"

A tear rolled down Jaune's cheek as he sniffled, taking in the sight of his friends and mentors one last time. "Thank you," Jaune said quietly. "I'll make sure to live the future you gave me, for me... and for all of you,"

With a final nod to the past, Jaune turned back around and continued to follow Arslan toward the school that had once been his home. He was ready to embrace the future, determined to honor the memories of those he had lost by living a life full of hope, love, and new beginnings.

[vikwrites]

Copacabana - Tony Stark

Summary ➣ A letter to Tony Stark, 16 years after his death. Pairing ➣ Tony Stark x Widowed! Reader Word Count ➣ 681

October 17, 2039.

Dear Tony, 

It’s been 16 years since you left this world, October 17, 2023, 16 long years. 

It's surreal to think that it's been this long. At times, it feels as if we're still the teenagers who first fell head-over-heels for each other, dreaming of a future without any obstacles in our way. 

The memory of our first kiss still lingers, like a cool breeze on a warm autumn day, in the midst of an October rain, our clothes soaked and sticking to our skin. Young and reckless, having just graduated from MIT with bright futures ahead of us. But in that moment, all that mattered was the taste of your lips, the warmth of your body pressed against mine. The world faded away as we stood there in the rain, lost in each other's embrace.

I watched as you slowly rebuilt Stark Industries after the passing of your father. We had just eloped to California, swept away by our passionate love, keen for a fresh start. But money had changed you. I tried to understand the pressure of carrying millions on your shoulders, but it became harder to reconcile with who you were becoming. Yet, despite it all, my love for you never wavered. 

I remember when you were captured in Afghanistan. Those 3 bitter months, I didn’t know if you would return or not. Then you came back, and in your chest was embedded an arc reactor, a false, mechanical pump; keeping you alive, but deep down, I knew you still had a heart. You changed so much after that, like you lost a part of yourself in that cave.

Then the world crashed upon us—aliens, Avengers, and everything in between.

The moments in between felt like a hazy blur, my mind struggling to hold onto the images as they slipped through my fingers like sand. I remembered catching glimpses of you on the news, especially in your impenetrable armour, well. We thought it was, but that fateful day on Titan proved otherwise. 

And it hasn’t been the same since.

Morgan, our little girl. She’s just been accepted into MIT, just like you’ve always dreamed of. In a few years, she’ll be getting her PhD in electrical engineering, just like her father did; hopefully, she’ll inherit Stark Industries and continue on our legacy. As proud as I am, it's bittersweet, to see her follow in your footsteps. I know you would have been so proud of her. But at the same time, it brings up all the painful emotions of losing you and wondering how different things would be if you were still here. 

Morgan misses you a lot, she really does.

On rainy days, we’d sit outside the cabin. As rain splattered against the wooden porch, Morgan would curl next to me, tucking her small hand into mine. She would turn to me with big, curious eyes; "Tell me about Dad," she said, wanting to know more about the man she never got to meet, and I would weave fantastical tales of his bravery, how he fearlessly battled against evil to protect us, but deep down, I knew that he had been just as scared and uncertain as the rest of us, scared that he would lose us.

The humidity feels nice, we seek solace these days, finding comfort in the melancholy beauty that accompanies them. But my heart aches as I think about how much you loved these moments, we used to sit by the lake, talking about how we’d get older in each other's arms, yet you're no longer here to join us. 

Occasionally, we’d still leave a cheeseburger out for you, hoping that somehow you can still taste it in another world. It's a silly habit, but it's all we have left to cling to your memory. We know you're no longer here with us, but our hearts refuse to accept it. It's our way of holding onto you, even though we know you're gone.

We miss you, Tony, and I hope I’ll get to see you again. 

I love you 3000.

⎊ back to masterlist

[reve-writes]

—all aboard; kaz brekker.

ʚ kaz brekker x reader | grishaverse | 0,5k words.

ʚ kaz sees you off when you are leaving for shu han. will your feelings remain unuttered to the very last second?

ʚ post soc & ck; spoilers for crooked kingdom (major character death!); pining with no resolution (yet?); soft!kaz.

ʚ a/n — i wish i wrote more. consider this a writing warmup.

Kaz Brekker doesn't need a reason.

He never does, although you suspect he has always had his own justifications. His trick is to never let anyone know, to conceal his cards in places no one dares to look.

You stand on the docks. The sea ravenous and sprawling in front of you; Kaz pensive and his usual brooding self on your right. The air is salty, mixed with the stench of debauchery permanently wafting from the Barrell. Your belongings that you've accumulated in Ketterdam have dwindled to nothing more than a trunk and a bag, slung across your body from your shoulder.

"I'll say," you start, cracking the silence that has settled over the two of you for too long. "I thought this city would bind me here for the rest of my life."

You chuckle, not that you find your freedom particularly funny. The endless possibilities. Places to go, people to meet, countles versions of yourself you can be. Something more than a barrel rat. You can't help but chuckle at how absurd it all feels. How nearly incomprehensible it is that you're boarding a ship soon, headed off to Shu Han.

"I hoped it would," Kaz says, never mincing his words as usual. Casually cruel to a fault. "Everyone else is quite hopeless with bookkeeping. You are the expert."

You nudge his shoulder with yours slightly, rolling your eyes. You let the implications of everyone go��that everyone includes a certain Fjerdan, for whom you've held a funeral for just weeks prior.

"We each have our strengths," you answer, grip unconsciously tightening on the railing. You feel the cold rusty metal burn against your palms. You try to keep your tone light. The two of you carry enough grief to drown this entire island if you start going down that path. Not exactly what you have in mind for a send off.

You brave a look at Kaz Breaker, finding him in his usual dark overcoat and dark shirt and dark trousers. For a moment, it'll be so easy, you naively think. The words are caught on your throat, punching themselves down before it even reaches your mouth. His dark eyes flit over to you and you immediately swallow.

Love is a foreign concept. To you, whose only family left you for dead when you were barely a teenager. To him, who will forever remember the slick, slimy cold skin of Jordie brushing against his. Your bravery has died as swiftly as it rose. Words of affection staining your tongue but never leaving your lips.

"Have you remembered everything? Shu Han is quite the trip." He nods towards your trunk. "You haven't packed too lightly?"

You raise an eyebrow at him. "Since when have you become so fussy?"

"Since forever, although I prefer the word 'thorough.'"

"What are you, my mother?"

He exhaled sharply, his lips curving into an uncharacteristic amused smile. "Neither you nor I are qualified in talking about parental figures."

You blink at him, mouth agape. "Kaz!"

He shrugs, leaning on his cane. Dark eyes start to drift behind you where a ship has already started boarding. A line of passengers form, many amongst them are talking in Shu, while others Kerch. Kaz points his chin towards the ship, "I believe that is you."

You take your ticket out of your pocket, clutching it in your hand. "I'll be going."

Neither of you move, rooted to your respective spots, staring at each other. Something unsaid hangs in the empty space between you. The tip of your tongue grazes your teeth. Once again, it will be so easy. Just, say it and leave. Bolt as fast as you can to the ship. You will be oceans apart anyway.

The distance may dampen whatever rejection he will hurl your way.

"Best be off," he says. "You might miss your departure."

He clears his throat, looking away. Once again, the ease you've deluded yourself into feeling disappears. There's something tight-wrung in you, fed up of being such an illicit thing.

"I am going," you mumble, lazily hauling your trunk. "Take care, Kaz."

Your stomach drops as you turn around, stepping uncertainly towards the large passenger ship. You turn around swiftly — too quick even — when Kaz calls your name. Like a blossoming flower, you perk up, looking over your shoulder.

His hand is awkwardly hovering, like he's going to shake your hand—or grab it—but it drops right back to his side. It's uncharacteristic; makes him look more like a boy and less of a ringleader.

"Be back in two moons," he says. "For a visit, if you would like."

You let out a puzzled noise. "Why?"

"Would you... be opposed to it?"

"No!" You flush at your exclamation.

"No?"

You gather yourself before saying, "I'll be here in one, how does that sound?"

"I will see you then," he says. "Remember to write."

You feel a little lighter now, less like you're abandoning your closest friend with whom you've shared priceless adventures with. You will see him again. Soon. You will bear stories of faraway lands to him. They may pale in comparison to your escapades and heists, but after what you've been through, mundanity may be what he needs.

"As if you would let me forget."

[ ]

[stellocchia]

I've been thinking about Color's chat a bit more (they're forever called that in my mind) and I've come up with just... a bunch of headcanons. None of these have any basis in the canon of Othertale aside from the fact that Patience is Color's favorite and what the consequences of that may be. Considering the fact that these are souls of dead children, keep in mind there's a mild cw for child death mention.

Integrity:

He's the oldest of the bunch (it takes a while for kids to develop integrity, so, yeah). He was probably already a teenager when he died (imagine 16-17 age range)

He's very often the only one having any common sense in the group. And that is counting Color

He speaks up relatively often but is in no way the most chatty of the group

He is closest to Kindness who he views as a sort of annoying little sister (affectionate)

If I remember correctly, in canon Undertale the items connected to the integrity trait are a tutu and ballet shoes. So the shoes stay the same, but I say you find a fancy sparkly unitard in Waterfall instead from him

He has some very vague memories of his life, mostly of what pushed him up Mount Ebott and then of his death. Like all the others, he does not remember his name

He and Color have a pretty positive relationship, though on certain occasions Integrity does get frustrated with what he perceives as Color's complacency and his overly trusting nature

Perseverance:

She's the second-oldest, being around 15 when she died

She's a nerd but in the "evil scientist" kinda way (she's not really evil, but she has fun roleplaying that kinda stuff). She is the holder of the braincell, except it's rarely gonna used in a productive way

She speaks rarely, and almost exclusively to come up with some convoluted plan that would most likely end up making the problem at hand worse. She just really wants to watch the world burn sometimes and would probably get along great with Killer

She is closest to Bravery, as they have a sort of evil mastermind and her henchman kinda dynamic. She's also rather friendly with Justice, to everyone's surprise

The items you find for her are the classic Torn Notebook and a pair of glasses. Except, instead of being cloudy, they are missing the lenses. That's because she could see just fine, but she liked the aesthetic

She has a lot of memories of her old life, but never speaks about them with the others. Color sometimes wonders if she actually remembers her name, but doesn't want the others to feel inadequate and doesn't use it because of that

Her relationship with Color is chaotic. To Color, it often feels like having a younger Killer stuck in his brain. Except usually less stab-happy

Justice:

They were 14 when they died

They're an extremely bright and energetic kid. And they have the strongest moral compass in the group. They still entertain Perseverance and Bravery's antics rather often because they know those two can't exactly harm anyone. At times they can get a bit preachy about their beliefs, but someday here has gotta have a moral backbone...

They're average on the speaking front. Not too much, not too little. Yet always with conviction to the point that it's hard to tell when they're joking

As mentioned, they're closest to Perseverance, but do get along great with Patience, Kindness, and Integrity on certain topics

The items you find for them are a cowboy hat and an empty gun. They claim the gun was used "For chuckin' not shootin'"

The only memory of their past life they have is that of their death in the Underground. Everything else is just vague feelings of unease about certain things

They get along great with Color whenever they're not going along with Perseverance and Bravery's antics. Their morals align rather closely. Nightmare has in the past taunted Color, saying he clearly only believes what he does because of the Justice soul. But, truthfully, they found themselves in agreement from the get-go, way before Justice had a chance to influence him

Bravery:

He also died at 14 like Justice

He's the punch first, ask questions later type. Very reckless, often obnoxiously loud. He is down with violence in theory, though he gets squeamish when they actually witness any. He's very much all bite and no bark

He speaks the most out of anyone in the group. He's far more talkative than Color as well. At times even drowning out his thoughts with his incessant chatter

He's closest to Perseverance. He really likes any Undyne because of this, they remind him of Perseverance. Also, he thinks Integrity is kinda lame but in a "Cringy Big Brother I'm still running to if I get in trouble" way

The items you find for him are a Tough Glove and a Manly Bandanna. He remembers that they were from some character he liked in life, but doesn't remember which one

He has quite a few memories from his life before Mount Ebott, but none from after his fall. Doesn't remember how he died either. And he doesn't know why he ended up scaling the mountain since he remembers only all the happy memories he had

He's a chaotic little shit and Color is a very tired single mom. That's their relationship

Patience:

Patience was a pre-teen (around 11-12yo) when he died

They are a very calm individual, oftentimes fading into the background and just letting the world pass them by. They're against any form of violence and only entertain the idea for jokes when they're certain it's not gonna hurt anyone. They're also endlessly trusting and willing to give anyone one more chance if they show an interest in changing

He speaks the least in the group. Though his calm presence is always felt regardless, mostly as a vibe

They're not especially close to any of the other souls, though they do get along the best with Kindness as she tends to be a very positive person

The items you find for him are a faded ribbon and a toy knife. He mentioned once that the fake knife was just sharp enough to get rid of the ribbon, but not of his hair

They remember very well why they climbed up the mountain. They only talked about their parents not being accepting, and them giving up on trying to make them understand after a few years. They regret giving up on them now, saying perhaps in time... they also remember their time in the Ruins in its entirety and have very fond memories of Toriel. Their death was supposedly a tragic accident, but it's never entirely clear if they're sincere when they say that

He's the closest with Color even if they don't talk much. He often helps keep their host calm under stress, and also encourages him to be understanding of others at any opportunity he gets. Color appreciates them greatly, though, at times, he does acknowledge that their help can backfire

Kindness:

She's by far the youngest of the bunch, being only between 8-10 when she passed away

She's a very happy-go-lucky kid. Very empathetic, very energetic, and a big food lover. She's very affectionate too and generally believes that anything can be fixed with a hug and a good meal. She is a bit naive, but also, well, she is a really young child

She speaks an average amount. Usually when Integrity is also involved in the conversation as he makes her feel more confident

She's closest to Integrity. That's her big brother and nobody can convince her otherwise. However, she gets along with literally everyone in the group. This can become an issue when Bravery drags her into his shenanigans because their energy just keeps building on each other

The items you can find for her are a Burnt Pan and a Stained Apron. Those were both gifts from Toriel. And, apparently, the pan got burned during a cooking lesson from Heats Flamesman (nobody else there has a single clue of who that is, Color included)

She remembers nothing of her life before the fall, and she only remembers the good things that happened in the Underground, and the nice monsters she talked with. She has a lot of fond memories of Toriel, of the Innkeeper at the Snowed Inn, of this Heats Flamesman guy, and so on. Her journey was very different and far longer than that of the others as she kept spending time with and befriending all the monsters who weren't immediately hostile to her

Much like with Bravery, Color is kind of a parental figure for her. They're pretty close, and they have similar attitudes about life, so it's often uncomplicated

-

@howlsofbloodhounds ('cause I know you mentioned wanting to see these)

[mrs-snape5984]

“Did I save you? 'Cause I know you saved me too!”

“If you cried out for more, if you reached out for me, I would run into the storm, just to keep you here with me.” (“Song #3” by Stone Sour)

When I fell head over heels for Severus Snape, 21 years ago, a repeating pattern emerged in my life: He was always by my side, accompanied me through these years with all my ups and downs. But when I’m struggling with the most traumatic experiences, my mind is shutting down completely…leaving only space for Severus.

In these times, I’m clinging on Severus as if I’d be drowning without him….and this is probably exactly what would happen to me, if I hadn’t Severus as my safe haven in my heart and in my mind! It’s his resilience…his stoic and stubborn determination…his bravery, that keeps me focused on my own destiny…that keeps me determined to stay alive.

I must admit, that I’m struggling hardly with my current situation. Being captured in my weak self…only allowed to live a life in the darkness of my little room…makes me want to break out of this nightmare.

My life before ME/CFS wasn’t the easiest…it was a real “shit show” in some ways, but there were and are also things, that I never wanted to miss out. But it’s getting harder to keep these things vivid for me…everything is slowly fading away.

I miss my life as it was before this goddamn disease ME/CFS destroyed everything for me! I miss my job as a social worker…I miss being active with my three amazing children…I miss reading books and watching movies, whenever I wanted to do it (not only every few weeks or actually months, when I dare to risk falling into another crash for this little piece of joy)…I miss driving my car…I miss leaving my house without someone on my side, who needs to guide me (my disorientation, caused by noises, lights and motions, is a real pain in the ass!!!!)…I miss being touched by another person without screaming internally from pain…I miss making my own decisions!! I miss myself!

Severus saved me from going insane in so many different traumatic situations before….and I really hope, that I’ll be able to keep on counting on him forever…because right now, it’s getting almost unbearable to stay alive.

So, I’ll keep on doing the little things, which are currently saving me from drowning in my darkest, dangerous thoughts. I’ll keep on trying to be a good mother, even though I can only do it in my restricted space. I’ll keep on talking or texting to my few friends, even though it’s almost impossible for me to talk on some days. And I’ll keep on clinging on Severus, writing my own words for him in so many ways.

I have a real soft spot for young Severus. My imaginations of saving him…protecting him…defending him are helping me to believe in my own strength. I would do anything to save him…just the way, I’m trying to be saved by him from my own misery.

I’ve commissioned the extremely talented @sleepybradipo for this beautiful artwork of Sevy and Jules, stealing some kisses in the back of the library (Jules doesn’t have any self-control when it’s about Severus 😅).

@sleepybradipo, I’m so weak for your smooth style of drawing Severus, especially in his teenage years. Your art helps me to feel even more connected to Sevy…allowing him and Jules to enjoy some moments of peace. Thank you for making my imagination come to life…and for bringing some light into my darkness.

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

[scarareg]

Percy Jackson and The Olympians Season 1 Review (2/3)

Part 1 • Part 3

What I dislike:

The action scenes are lacking. An example is Percy fighting Mrs Dodds: 1rst-Why did it happen in front of everyone? That makes not sense. Yes, the Mist hides stuff but if a woman attacks a teenager everyone will see it! 2nd- It was weirdly paced. Like one second Mrs Dodds was standing and the next she was dead. It took me a second to realize what happened. It was anticlimactic and Percy basically did nothing,he was just lucky Riptide opened up just in time to stop her. Another scene like that was the fight against Ares. To me it was "just fine" yet not epic. I feel it should be a little longer and I wish to see more of Ares using his battle tactics and powers, he is the God of War after all. Again, it is ok for what it is but it definitely could and should have been a bigger moment as a season finale, as Percy's moment to be a hero and prove himself, and as a demonstration of power level and difference between a mortal and a God! Also, it feels kinda insane that a guy with almost no training can defeat Ares so easy. That is a problem that stems from the lack of screen time at Camp in the first episodes,seeing Percy learning how to fight; sadly it backfired in the season finale. And you may say "well,these scenes include kids so is harder to make a bigger,more explosive,more incredible action scene than if they were adults" but it's possible. In House Of The Dragon a scene with five children fighting with only sand,a rock (that is not even used) and a dagger has way more tension than the God of War fighting our hero. The Minotaur scene was fine too. There are some changes like in the book Sally tried her best to distract it but because she is a normal human she could not do much, the whole taunting the Minotaur was Percy's stuff showing his bravery (I like the idea of Sally doing that to protect her baby tho,is cute) and Percy discovered in the process that he has inhuman agility and strength; so what they changed it's fine, my only complaint would be that the scene was super dark (all night scenes are) and it was hard to see what was going on,but I feel that at this point that is a Hollywood problem, so wathever

In the book,at the battle of Percy vs Ares,Kronos himself stops Ares from killing Perseus, but here it did not happen. That moment foreshadows Kronos interest in Percy because he wants to use him as a basel

Percy intelligence is heavily underused. In the books Percy constantly connects the dots and clues to figure out who people/monsters/Gods are; in addition to getting out of situations in creative and fun ways. Here there is none of that . An excellent example is the Lotus Casino. Book Percy figured out people there get trapped while he was talking with two boys who were not from this century. In the show Hermes just told him (which by the way,making Hermes own the place makes him an asshole who traps people for some reason, and as a Hermes fan it makes me angry).

While fighting Echidna, she do not have telekinesis powers or something, Percy is being chased by her chihuahua/Chimaera and he, of his own free will, decides to jump to the water showing his bravery and how willing he is to believe his dad has his back, and he is damn right! His father helped him and he learned that he can breathe underwater. All of these if missing

Percy did not speak even once with horses,that was the whole purpose of the Zebra,which also didn't appear in an episode titled "We Take A Zebra To Vegas"

The school acting like Percy is the son of Satan himself and that the best is for Sally to teach him from home. All of this because Percy drawing something so horrible,so despicable,so wicked ...a Pegasus(?) Like WTF! that the stupidest stuff I have ever seen. A kid drawing a Pegasus is not a sign of alarm,is a sign of being a kid, you fucking morons! Its imagination and creativity,and that's it,you are supposed to work with children,how can you be scared of that?! And if a kid is wondering around in the school's rooftop,that's on the school not the child. You supposed to be taking care of him,what is a kid doing there? That's your fault for being irresponsible!

They leaving Crusty free and happy,knowing he is a serial killer,wtf! All that scene was really weird in general. Percy just walked into the store without explaining how and when they found that place, how they know the Underworld is there, and they already knew everything about the store and Crusty,it felt unnatural and unearn. And in the book Crusty doesn't guard the doors to the Underworld,because why the Gods would leave that job to a guy like that? That's Charon's job

Lotus Casino (refering to the inside, the outside is really cool) was kinda boring, and they were trapped there and not go intentionally. It is tempting for children, that is why there are games for them to play. There is a waterslide, an indoor bungee jumping bridge, hundred of videogames. Here almost everything is just gambling and I know it is a casino but in the book is cooler. And there is VR games too, and that's it.

Charon, in both the books and any myth ever,would let you pass if you give him coins,so why did they change that and make him have control over Cerberus? Is a strange decision

The Underworld is supposed to have this kinda silly elements that subvert your expectations of it,like Charon loving suits, there are lines of new people(souls) arriving, and this fun banner that reads "Judgement For Elysium And Eternal Damnation. Welcome, Newly Deceased!" , Percy mentioned he could see Sisyphus at the distance. In the show we don't see the freaking River Styx! No Elysium and seeing Percy deciding that there is where he wants to be once he dies, I think that shows his character. No Persephone's Garden with her pomegranate trees. And the Fields of Asphodel (also known as Asphodel Meadows) are not a forest,are....well,meadows; I know,shocking, kinda hard to figure that out. By the way,that is another strange change because Rick knows what Asphodel looks like,that is why he represented them as an never ending field with the "largest concert crowd" with no electricity and no noise. Ah,also, missed opportunity for a Hazel easter egg

Hades is so TERRIBLE that I almost cried! Disney, we are talking about the King of the Underworld! Do you have idea what kind of creatures live there and they'll respect and fear him? In the books is important that he resents (hardcore) his family. His children inherit that as a fatal flaw. The reason is he had two children with momma di Angelo and he loved them dearly but Zeus wanted to kill them, and finally killed her, Hades only could save the children. Add insult to injury when his 2 brothers had children and received no repercussions for it. It is the reason he did not join the war against his father until the last second (thanks Nico!) . He also feel he got the worst job and he neither lives nor is allowed freely visit the cool, bright Olympus. All of it made him a cold person. Show Hades does not feel like he went through all of that, and if he did, it is like he did not care much. The writers are taking away his complexity and now he is a joke, a boring one.

Zeus was bad too but in a different way. He is just meh, did not make me feel anything in particular. I think it may be because when I imagine Zeus I picture him as a guy with beard, kinda like Santa Claus lmao and Lance Reddick (may he rest in peace,love him) looks nothing like him, so it was hard for me to believe he was Zeus. Maybe is just a me problem to be honest. Also, they made him kinda dumb because when Percy told him his dad is planing a war, he is just like "yeah I know, but right now is more important to fight your dad Poseidon" and that is extremely stupid,to be honest

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

So, a post with a series of great reblogs came across my feed today -- here — regarding two concepts that are often discussed in fandom: Daddy Dean and Spoiled Sam (in a non-kinky way).

It's funny that this post came across my feed today because l've been thinking about Sam and Dean's childhoods a lot lately and how their different experiences, or perspectives, have shape who they are and how they express their emotions as adults. To start, I wanted to comment on these specific ideas that seem to pop up in fandom so often: Selfless Parent Dean and Selfish Spoiled Sam.

This one got long (shocking, I know), so if you’re interested, please do read on under the cut.

Dean: The Selfness Parent?

Do I think Dean was given too much responsibility, at a way too young age? Yes. Do I think Dean, even as a child, would have died to protect Sam? Yes. Do I think Dean's protectiveness over and love for Sam are two of his best qualities? Yes. Do I think Dean's influence contributed to the man Sam became? Yes. Do I think Dean did both some pretty general level (Lucky Charms, anyone?) and extraordinary sacrifices (giving up a chance to start over at the boy's home because he saw Sam in the car) for Sam? I do. Do I think this makes Dean the one who raised Sam, entirely on his own, acting as both a mother and a father to Sam? Kind of … there was also this other guy around who they called Dad (however absent he might have been, he still was a fixture in their lives). Do I think Dean could also have a quick temper (“Don’t you ever talk about mom, ever!”, be insensitive, and even neglectful (Sam developing Clown fears at Plucky's) at times. Yes. Do I think Dean could also be irresponsible (losing food money on gambling)? Yep. Do I think this makes Dean a bad person, or even a bad brother? No. He was just a kid himself.

So, this is where I balk at the reading of Dean as Sam's "real", selfless, supportive father, or mother stand in. Even at the time of Season 1 and 2, which were peak seasons for supportive and empathetic Dean, for me, he can still be a dick. Children and teenagers who grew up to be amazing people can even start out as jerks. So, I don’t understand where this idea of a perfect father-figure Dean comes in, especially when he wasn’t even a perfect father figure to Ben as an adult (snapping at him, pushing him and smacking him in times of peak danger). He was Sam’s protector, absolutely, but not this super-human provider of protection, and giver of affection and cuddles, that some fans insist on seeing him as. Dean, despite his heroism, bravery and love for Sam, is still a flawed character. And that’s okay. He was a brave and protective kid in a difficult situation, but he wasn’t perfect. When we woobify Dean, we miss out on the complete character and who he actually is, good and bad.

Sam: The Spoiled Selfish Brat?

Do I think that Sam almost come off as a little bit callous regarding his family when we first meet him? Yes. When the show begins, do I think Sam is maybe a bit arogant and ignorant to some of the things Dean did for him growing up? Yes. But, do I totally blame him for the latter? No, because he wasn’t told much by Dean or John, and he was a child when a lot of things happened. Does the fact that Dean started hunting at a younger age, and didn’t tell Sam about it at first, make Sam sheltered? Yes and no. I would argue that he’s been more sheltered than Dean regarding hunting, but he also begins hunting when he’s pretty little. In "just my Imagination" we see that Sam gets permission to joint John and Dean on his first hunt (by taking a bus alone, no less) when he’s 9. Even if Sam was more often the research guy than the actively hunting guy, he was still exposed to a lot of crazy crap and lived in near constant fear for himself, his brother and his dad. The fact that Dean started hunting before Sam also suggests that Sam spent more time fully alone than Dean did, not to mention, a lot of the time, Dean liked hunting and thought it was cool, and he did it with his dad who he idolized. So, while Sam was physically safer, more removed from the action, he also didn’t get the perceived "perks" (it feels weird to call them that) that Dean had, or to be with his family as often. So, do I think Sam is selfish for leaving a dangerous situation, where he was often lonely, to go away to school? Um, no. Do I blame Sam for feeling differently about family than Dean when he was also often the odd man out? Nope. We know that when there was family turmoil, Dean usually sided with John or at least appeared to (Dean himself says this a couple times). Finally, do I think Sam is spoiled or selfish for leaving his family at 18 (like many young adults do around the world) to get an education, on a full-ride scholarship that he somehow earned despite their crazy lifestyle, and escape a literally life-threatening mission and turbulent home life. Yeah, no. Do I feel bad for Dean who desperately wants his family to stay together? Absolutely, I sympathize more with him than Sam at first in the show. However, I think a lot of the things people hate on Sam for are actually pretty understandable or justified in the early seasons. So, it’s just as damaging to vilify Sam as it is to woobify Dean because we miss so much important detail about the characters. The same is true of the reverse, woobifying Sam and vilifying Dean, but I just don’t see that as often in this fandom.

The Winchester Family Experience: Dean vs Sam's Perspectives

So, another thing that I think gets ignored a lot is just how different Sam and Dean's early, early years are. Dean had almost five years of "normal" family life (Dean being born in January and Mary being killed in November of his forth year around the sun). That’s a tragically short amount of time with his family being whole, but Dean did know safety, comfort, love and affection in his earliest years, and those things leave impressions. In the opening scene of the pilot, we see an adorable little Dean kissing his baby brother goodnight, and getting affection from both parents, and even a hug from a comparatively soft John. In Contrast, what were Sam's earliest years like? From the time that Sam would be old enough to remember, all he knew was that he had no mom, but wasn’t allowed to talk about her. He had an older brother that he looked up to and who watched over him, but who was keeping secrets from him. And he had a grief and revenge fueled father who barked orders, was gone a lot of the time and who seemingly only ever hugged him in fearful relief as a child (from what we see as an audience), not in casual affection. Sam had no foundation of safety, or comfort. So, is it any wonder that he can’t see family, or their family, in the same way Dean does? The fact that Dean had that time to bond with John, and got to experience some softness does matter because, even though he had more responsibility thrust on his shoulders than Sam, he also had an earned connection with his dad, and at least some warm memories to fall back on.

Saying "I Love You"

I think it’s interesting how their different early childhood experiences, potentially as well as their temperaments, not only shaped who they are as people, but their ability to express emotions. In this case, I’m going to focus in on verbally expressing love in particular because this post Is getting very long.

Dean says "I love you" to a heaven Memory!Mary in "Dark Side of the Moon." He also tells a Mary inside her own head that he loves and hates her. He says, "I love you for trying," when Sam is begging him not to lock himself up in a metal box at the bottom of the ocean with Micheal locked up in his head. He says, "I love you, too" to John when he’s about to disappear in "Lebanon." And finally, he says "I love you … so much" to Sam in "Carry On." Dean's 'I love yous" are few and far between, but he can say it, and he only says it to his I’m immediate family. (Unless I’m missing someone.). It’s not like I think people have to say it all the time, and those words can be hard to say for a lot of people (myself included), but he CAN say them directly to the people he loves.

Sam says "I love you" to a Hellucination!Jess and to his mom's grave stone. Also, I believe he says it to Mary on the phone once? He says, "You’re my brother, and I still love ya" to Dean in "Sam, Interrupted." Can we count it if he’s tripping balls on medication and he says "ya" instead of "you"? Well, I’m going to. He also tells Dean, "We all love you," which I half-count because he lumped other people into his declaration. Sam does tell a young John that he loves his dad ("The Song Remains the Same”), but John doesn’t know he’s talking about him at the time, so it’s not entirely a direct declaration. And, I think, that’s it. So, does the fact that Sam says it less directly to his immediate family mean he doesn't love them? No, obviously. But, I think it’s interesting that the brother who had no memory of "happy family" (I know things weren't actually perfect with John and Mary) is the one who seems to have a harder time saying "I love you" directly, and with his full chest, to family. This sort of tells me that a) Sam, by nature has a harder time expressing deep emotion or b) Sam didn’t hear it much, or ever even, as a little kid, so it’s hard for him to say the words, especially directly.

So, why did I go down the "I love you" rabbit hole? Well, I think it has some merit in the whole Dean is Selfness and was a martyr vs Sam was selfish and spoiled debate. It also shows how close both brothers keep the verbal expression of that feeling to themselves. Obviously, both brothers are bigger on show than tell in terms of expressing love. Selling your soul or potentially dooming the world for each other tends to get the message across.

In short, both brothers are selfless and selfish at times, and both are flawed but heroic. If we stan one brother so hard that we refuse to see their faults while constantly vilifying the other, we miss all the nuance in the story. It’s really a disservice to ourselves to woobify characters, not in the harmless, "Sam/Dean Winchester has never done anything wrong in his life. End post" kind of way, but in the "This charter is perfect and only did good things, and never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it, and … and … and" kind of way.

Anyway, if anyone made it this far, thank you for coming along with me on my bumpy rambling road of thought on this. If I missed any "I love yous" from Sam or Dean, or if you’d like to chime in on the topic, I’d love to hear it.

[scottst]

maybe its the drinks that she had prior to arriving to the carnival , but vivian couldn't help but feel distracted from the messages as soon as she laid eyes on the ferris wheel . vivian's fear of heights was forever at odds with the memory of her jumping off the roof of her house as a teenager . . . although the smaller things got the higher she went made her nervous , it was the encouragement of her missing neighbor who gave her the bravery she needed to just . . . leap . he always was there to break her fall and that's what vivian suspects made her fear tolerable . except , he wasn't here anymore and the fear remained the same . " i'm going to get on that ride by the end of the night . " vivian announced nervously as she dug into the box of popcorn in her possession , cheese dust lingering on her fingers as she popped one right into her mouth as if keeping her mind distracted from the spiraling reason why she was at the carnival in the first place . she was in the carnival because she wanted to , not because of the dare . . . heather's voice echoed in her mind , but it still flickered in the face of the supposed joy that failed to register in her heart . " just . . . not right now . i kinda need to prepare for it . " typical of her to backtrack , vivian cleared her throat as she glanced over at her companion , a smile blossoming on her lips . " what about you ? is there something you want to do next ? "

@classcursestarters

[bohemian-nights]

I cannot compare Aegon with Rhaenyra because I may say bad things about Aegon II but no one can deny his bravery and resilience. He fought in frontline,loved his dragon & brothers and never ordered executing his own allies. Rhaenyra had an teenager Nettles fighting HER war, Nettles was risking her life on the Gullet for HER war meanwhile Rhaenyra was eating cakes. How was Nettles rewarded? With Miss Maegor ordering Nettles's unfair murder out of tyranny. It's clear Rhaenyra secretly loathed her and look down on her for her colour skin at the same time she used Nettles as disposable weapon for her benefit. Hipocrisy at it's peak

I agree with you. I mean it's controversial cause people think women=good and men=bad, but I think it says something that the show had to use one of Mushrooms tales to make Aegon look bad while they've gotten rid of some of Miss Maegor’s unsavory deeds(cough Ser Vaemond cough).

Aegon starts out a mess but he steps up while Missy Anne starts out a cute albeit spoiled child and then turns into a monster. Nettles is the final nail on the coffin showing that. She literally shows how fair she’s come in her ability to discard someone in the most brutal fashion who has done nothing malicious and is the least deserving of her ire, but people don’t want to talk about it.

[lady-raziel]

I feel like you are missing the forest for the trees on the fanfic thing just because you keep insisting that there is good fanfic out there and pretty much nothing else. Like yeah obviously. But also bad fanfic has merit, has purpose. Fanfiction provides a relatively low risk space for people to experiment and learn how to write. How many Bad Fanfics are written when people are like 13?

Hello! I've included your second ask as a screencap so I can respond at the same time.

I agree with you, quite a lot actually. I think maybe these comments come from the fact that I could have made it much more explicit in my other post that part of "finding what you like" in fanfic means reading and enjoying stuff that isn't perhaps the best written, for whatever reason. Maybe the author struggled experimenting with characterization or narrative arc, but the idea of their story is unique and cool enough to read anyway. Maybe the author struggled with formatting, or some other thing that makes it hard to read. The important other aspect of consuming fanfiction (and media in general, but that's it's own post) that I didn't really touch on to keep an already long post from getting longer (but should have, if you're thinking I'm out here saying I think people should only read 'good' fanfics) is getting comfortable with engaging with things that bring you enjoyment even if others think they are 'bad.'

I don't really think I've been trying to imply that there are only the "quality" fanfics worth reading and everything else is just shit, but I can see how that might have come across given the way I pointed to how some fics go the extra mile as an example of why it's wrong to characterize all fics as badly written. I think maybe we're talking in different directions about two conversations within fanfic discourse that can coexist with one another. My previous post was more about people who disregard ALL fanfic because some of it is, in their opinion, poorly written, and how this may come from not engaging with the medium. What you're really getting at with these asks is the idea that all fanfic has merit in some form.

And you are right! People's efforts to put themselves out there and try writing, whether they are 13 or 30, and crucially regardless of whether or not their writing skill ever improves, have value! To me, it's not really even a question of 'writing bad stuff to get good later.' It's more of 'all attempts at creativity have inherent value.' Someone's bravery to post their fic as a teenager should be applauded just as much as a seasoned fic writer who's been doing this for a long time.

I think we are both on the same page when it comes to understanding why all this matters. I could have made the underlying point of 'fanfic is worth reading if you decide its worth reading' much clearer in what I wrote earlier, and I'm sorry about that!