#goes in the tag cause it’s my fucked up analysis of EW

[invece-sto-sdraiato]

Rant about everybody’s waiting (and some general fandom stuff) cause I finally found words to my feelings:

tw// mental health struggles, anxiety (can you notice that I’ve never done this before 🥲)

Yes, okay at first I was skeptical about the song. Reasons? I’m not entirely sure (yet) but once I heard the whole thing, I was like, “ok, not as bad as I thought, kinda my taste but will take time to grow on me…” by now I can definitely say that it’s super experimental and brave of them to do something like this, so props to that! I think the second half of the song is what really convinced me.

Lyrics-wise? As much as I understood the meaning, the importance they held for bojan, I didn’t see myself actually “getting” them, if you get what I mean. I didn’t understand what they even meant, at first. (well, I couldn’t hear some words in the song properly)

But now these-

What a wonderful life, panicking

A perfect time to get lost in deep, unoriginal line

There’s nothing left, just flight or die

Lonesome and run down

Can’t tell the sky from the ground

Turning around

Okay now… this hit me straight in the gut. (not sure if these are accurate, feel free to correct me) This… doesn’t exactly explain my feelings, but they sure do come pretty close. This made me realise certain things about my personality which I never thought about before. I was never the “take it easy” type and these words…somehow remind me to slow down sometimes… (I’m just rambling here atp)

I’ve always, ALWAYS been a nervous wreck, since maybe I was ten? And I’ve always gotten anxious about so many things (whether they’re in my control or not) for so long, that I just thought it was human nature to feel so much, and I thought everyone else was just better at handling it than me. I’ve never thought to label it or even address it, cause it was so ingrained in my unconscious, to know that it isn’t normal.

So, seeing how important it is that bojan is addressing this issue is not only a big deal for Slovenia, it is for me too. Joining this fandom, I see so many of you being so open, so vocal about things I generally would’ve never dreamed of admitting (it also does NOT help, the fact that I’m from an extremely conservative country 🥲)

The first time I ever felt accepted, or seen was here. People in my life till this point, have shared similar opinions with me, but no one actually got to know me, the real me because there was always that disconnect that somehow made me distance myself from them. Obviously this is all online and I don’t know any of you personally, but y’alls sheer honesty just makes me go waaaahhh (the only word I can think of rn)

And I think, the real therapy for me was talking to @da-proti-toku-grem and @paperphilia thank you so much for your kindness and acceptance. It means the world to me 🥹

(especially the fact that @paperphilia you asked me “are you ok?” after seeing my rant about the jance photo shoot. That is something I will not forget for a long long time.

And maca, obviously our long conversations will always have a special place in my heart (love you!)

Huh, okay this is getting too long. Anyways whomever of the baby boos reads this, just thank you so much for being there, a part of the reason why I’m happier now. This song ended up being therapeutic for me, who would’ve foreseen that lol.