#gonna be honest i just drew this for my spotify playlist cover

[sneefsnorf]

it's a beautiful day to die

DO NOT LIKE WITHOUT REBLOGGING, I WILL BLOCK YOU!

[imgoingtocrash]

Made of Iron, Born of Fire: The Fanmix 

by @imgoingtocrash

Listen on Spotify and 8tracks

Read the series on Ao3

AKA: A labor of love for @savvysass’s birthday!!!!

What can I say that hasn’t already been said because we’re both incredibly sappy people in our Author’s Notes? Writing this series with you has brought me so much joy in the last two years, and I never could have hit over 100k words without you. Here’s to whatever we write next in the series...and all of the WIPs we’re working on right now...and only god knows what’s next for us personally and professionally...and most importantly, to you on your Birthday. Thank you for being such a good friend, in both fandom and outside of it. I’m so, so thankful to know you and love you. 🥰

Director’s Cut Below, because we all know I love talking about this series, and yes, that does extend to why I picked these songs. (And also maybe because these song choices only make sense in my brain and hopefully Savannah’s?? Who knows! Feel free to ask questions if you want but let’s be honest this series and fanmix are most importantly for us, because we love the series so dang much.)

My Wildest Dreams by Ron Pope

I spoke in riddles and in rhymes, but my time with you has taught me to simplify, you’re not quite what I pictured you would be, you’re better than my wildest dreams.

We’ve talked about this one before, and I’LL TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN!!!! Ron Pope is so good imo, and this song wowowow the father-child feels, but especially with Tony and newborn Peter a la A Foreign Feeling and A First Time For Everything.

Big & Scared by Raleigh Ritchie

I want to be better for you, let me do that now, you’re my favorite human, so you should be prepared, I’ll help you get through it, when you’re big and scared

We’ve mentioned Tony’s thoughts about legacy multiple times by now, and I think this song really represents Tony looking forward to the person Peter could be become and that “breaking the cycle” mentality of supporting Peter even when he’s not a perfect father.

Legacy of Sadness by Ron Pope

irrational as it may seem I guess I’m sorry, even though I know that none of it’s my fault, it is easier for me to count my blessings, than to cry for every single thing we’ve lost

I have 0 shame putting these two songs by Ron Pope almost back to back because they’re the opening and closing of an album dedicated to his child like...it’s so perfect for Tony and this theme of reflection on who he is and who Peter will become/is becoming and all that entails.

this is me trying by Taylor Swift

They told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential, and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have a lot of regrets about that

I wrote something...very sad but also soft recently??? and this is for That it’s about pre-CW Pepperony being separated and the road to them trying to come back together including Tony working on himself and I love it!!! It hurts really good!!! This whole song is perfect for it and I can’t wait until people get to read it.

Be Good When I’m Gone by Four Year Strong

I'm sorry I can't stop to listen, but I've got so much to do and I've got some place to be, the house looks like the aftermath of a hurricane, I hope it stays that way

Tony being a busy parent but doing his best to make time for Peter in his life and making that time count has been something super important to illustrate to us, especially the transition from being a CEO to being a superhero and how that changes how Peter sees Tony’s absence over time.

I Won’t Back Down by Johnnyswim, Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors, and Penny and Sparrow

Tony puts on the original version by Tom Petty in Home Is Where The Heart Is, but I think this cover has a very slow, emotional undertone that’s really great too. The interludes, if you didn’t catch it, have all been featured in a fic previously.

Let It Matter by Johnnyswim

So if it matters let it matter, if your heart's breaking let it ache, catch those pieces as they scatter, know your hurt is not in vain

Pepper in Never Tell Me The Odds ALL DAYYYYY. She’s the emotional rock of that fic (and of our Ironfam TBH) and it’s all because she allows herself to feel her feelings and encourages the Stark boys to do so as well.

Simmer - Acoustic by Hayley Williams

And if my child, needed protection, from a fucker like that man, I’d sooner gut him, cause nothing cuts like a mother

Post-Home Is Where The Heart Is...y’all know Pepper’s not that mad about what happened to Obie. Also just Pepper when someone hurts her family?? I always write it as her sort of putting all of her emotion into something she can control and doing it well, so, this song is all about that.

Tightrope by Nia Hendricks

one step after another, keep holding on to each other, don’t look back, move on and let go, that’s how you walk on a tightrope

Pepperony trying to navigate their relationship and the insanity of superhero stuff and also co-parenting. It’s all excellent, I love them so much, I enjoy writing it so much!!!!

Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan

Never got the chance, to say a last goodbye, I gotta move on, but it hurts to try, how do I love, how do I love again?

This song is tilted towards romance, but if you’ll remember, we’re a Pro-Tony Survives Endgame AU series, so it’s not about THAT...but well...Infinity War sure will hit something fierce for certain non-romantic relationships in this series, huh?

The Bones by Maren Morris

Call it dumb luck, but baby, you and I, can't even mess it up, although we both try, no, it don't always go the way we planned it, but the wolves came and went and we're still standing

Post-Endgame Ironfam!!! Tony and Pepper married with their kids, their family and HAPPY...THIS IS WHY WE DO ALL OF THE ANGST...FOR A FAMILY...WE LOVE THEM

Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas

Considered Pepper and Peter’s ‘song’, as it’s referenced multiple times in the series, and was one of the bigger solidifying moments of their mother-son relationship as a whole.

Mundane by Hardcastle

And I’ve been sinking into silence, dwelling on my thoughts, and in these months, I haven’t felt that most conversations have left me anything but blue

Peter’s selective mutism was something very special to us when we originally had the idea, and making sure we talk about it and utilize it in the right way is something we’re still working on, particularly with the Therapy Fic we’re brainstorming atm.

survivin’ (One Eyed Jack’s Session) by Bastille

What can I say? I'm survivin', crawling out these sheets to see another day, what can I say? I'm survivin', and I'm gonna be fine, I'm gonna be fine, I think I'll be fine

Spoiler Alert: Peter’s not fine, like, a decent amount of the time. But he’s sure trying, and we love him for that.

Jacob from the Bible by Jake Wesley Rogers

Mama, don't worry, it took me years, to say I'm sorry, to see your tears, Mama, forgive me, I grew up too fast, but it's not on you, it's in the past

Mostly part of Peter growing up to become a hero and realizing what his parents--particularly Pepper--have gone through for him to become the person he is today, but that sometimes he still doesn’t feel like he’s making them proud enough.

Compassion Is a German Word by To Kill A King

Don't be so arrogant, you ain't no different to anyone I've met, we're all the heroes in our own film, or maybe the villain in someone else's

Spider-Man being an excellent superhero boi!!! Being kind and good!!! We love it!! Also, I put a TKAK song on...a LOT of my playlists, because I think they’re great.

brutal by Olivia Rodrigo

And I'm so sick of seventeen, where's my fucking teenage dream?, if someone tells me one more time, "Enjoy your youth", I'm gonna cry

I mean...this song is such a Teenage Mood...I had to do it...

In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning by Frank Sinatra

So, I had this cute little scene in my head that went with this song for SO LONG but there wasn’t really anything for it to fit into so...yeah that’s part 2 of Savannah’s Birthday Gift, a little soft Baby Peter drabble. Fluffy Goop from top to bottom. That can be read here.

Home by Phillip Phillips

Just know you're not alone, 'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

...I know it’s not original, okay? It’s found family, it’s great, I don’t care!

Comes and Goes (In Waves) by Greg Laswell

And this part was for her, and this part was for her, this part was for her, does she remember?

This song is good family angst in general BUT these specific lyrics made me think of Mary and that they never forget her in their lives despite the other stuff going on (because we refuse to let them).

I Have Made Mistakes by The Oh Hellos

I have made mistakes, I continue to make them, the promises I've made, I continue to break them, and all the doubts I've faced, I continue to face them, but nothing is a waste if you learn from it

No one in the Ironfam is perfect, but they all do their best to try and grow even when they’re scared they’ll never be able to. The ups and downs are all par for the course of this series to us.

Easy Days - Demo by Bastille

Cause I don’t wanna fall back again, back into the easy days, everything was so simple then, little fires burned away

Strife is a part of life, and the family in this fic growing through their loss and struggles and moving ahead as a unit to get to a better place is super central to making the fic what it is...but it’s easy for them to remember the old days before being superheroes and wishing it was simple again.

North by Sleeping At Last

Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind, let our hearts like doors open wide, open wide, settle our bones like wood over time, over time, give us bread, give us salt, give us wine

The way Tony went from feeling so alone to having an entire built family that’s so full of love and everything he never dreamed of...*screams into my pillow* I love this series so much thank you and good night!!!

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.6

hey gamers, remember when i was a writer?

i anticipate one more part to this fic before i wrap it up completely, and maybe i wont take four months to write this one-

warnings: none, to be honest? theres like. some angsty conversation but its not much or super heavy.

            The next morning, Jeremy Heere woke up to a foggy mind and new weight on his chest and side. He blinked in the light of day peeking through the blinds, drew in a deep breath, and realize this was definitely not his bedroom. At first he froze, looking to his side - where you had curled up close to him, peacefully sleeping. Then he remembered everything, all within an instant, and it was like the storm that had been brewing inside of him suddenly ceased.

           Okay. Okay. This was fine. Jeremy pressed himself back into the bed, shutting his eyes - you were probably just cold, and since he was there, you just - you must have gravitated his way. It made sense. It made complete sense, actually - you were definitely still somewhat sick, so being cold made sense for you. With you curled up close to him, he couldn’t move without the risk of waking you up. So he stayed still, eyes shut as he listened to the soft sound of your breathing, acutely aware of how warm you were beside him. Why was he so... tuned into that? You were asleep. You were alive. Yet it was almost as if that was a foreign concept as he observed how warm you were, flush against his side, and how peaceful you looked when he stole a glance towards you.

           So he laid back and shut his eyes, and tried to fall back asleep for a little longer and not think about the way that his arm had slightly draped over you-

           Luckily, that didn’t last long. He felt you stir awake, before the weight of you on his chest was gone and he was left yearning for that little bit of warmth. He listened to you stifle a yawn. 

           “Shit.” Your voice was quiet. “Hey, uh, Jer?” You reached out, gently shaking him. “C’mon, dude-”

           He feigned waking up as well as he could, and thankfully it seemed to fool you. “Mm?” He hummed as he looked up at you. You were bathed in the pretty sunlight of morning and that caught his attention more than it should.

           “Does your dad know you’re here?” You asked.

           He sat forward slowly, shifting into a more comfortable position. “I’m pretty sure he knows I’m Heere, [y/n]-”

           Immediately, you jabbed him with your elbow. “That was fucking terrible, Jeremy.”

           He smiled a little, the remnants of sleep having taken hold of him. He stifled a yawn, “no, uh, I didn’t - I didn’t really say anything-”

           “Then... you should go home.” You froze for a moment, looking toward your bedroom door, “fuck, my parents don’t know you’re here and, uh,” you looked back at him, “they’re... gonna question why I have a guy in my room.”

           He watched you crawl off of your bed, standing and stretching for a moment before heading towards your door. You held a finger up, slowly cracking your door open to peek out into the hallway, before quickly slipping through and shutting the door behind you. He stifled a yawn as he, too, climbed out of the bed with nothing but a fatigue in his bones and a weird light in his chest - and he paused as he caught sight of a Gameboy color sitting on your desk, the faded grape color having caught his eye in its contrast to your desk. He took a small step over, picking it up and pulling the game cartridge from it - and he smiled at the chubby, determined Pikachu that met him. You’d changed - that much was certain - but... there were little pieces of you still scattered about. While he never knew you to be a flower person (after all - he had caught a glimpse of dried sunflowers sitting on your desk, and a sticky note next to them to figure out where to put them that looked faded from light), or someone who... who used people, you were still you in lovely little ways that made him crack a smile and made him wonder just how many things weren’t you before? How many things exactly had been scripted out for you to follow? His stomach twisted at the thought. 

           Then he stumbled across your sketchbook, and did an act that he felt in his bones would be utter betrayal to you: he opened it. He hadn’t seen your art in so long, and his curiosity would have eaten him up if he hadn’t at least peeked at what you had been up to. Besides... you had to have improved, right? He knew that. He knew art was a huge part of your life and who you are, and he just-

           He recognized your art. Not in the sense of it hasn’t changed, because it had drastically changed from the shitty anime style with too-pointy features and stiff poses (not that he saw anything really wrong with that - you were young, you were practicing, and even if you hadn’t improved you were in love with what you were doing). He’d seen these sketches before, posted online from an artist he followed who had actually posted not too long ago an apology for their absence. The timing was too right, the details too exact. He snapped it shut quickly the moment he heard the doorknob jiggle, turning to face you immediately as he pushed it back onto the desk behind him.

           You stared at him upon opening the door, his panicked expression definitely giving him away. “Uh... you alright?”

           “Yes!” Jeremy had said it too quickly, too suddenly, and you raised a brow before he continued, “I’m, uh, I’m fine - are your parents-”

           “... Gone,” you said, leaving your door open as you walked towards him, “are you sure you’re alright?”

           “I just. I, uh. Please don’t be mad.” Jeremy stepped aside, looking back towards your sketchbook, “I, uh, peeked.”

           “You looked?” you said, more confused than angry - and he was thankful for that. “Okay?”

           “You aren’t mad?”

           “I mean... you didn’t, like, destroy anything, right?” You flipped open the sketchbook, only to pause as you realized which one he had looked into - because you had been keeping two sketchbooks, one for on-the-go that was smaller and fit into your bag and another that you often left at home unless you were going on a long trip or had any other excuse to carry it with you. The one that you used for the pieces you planned, or the ones you sketched with the intent of posting them online.

           “I, uh... why, uh, why didn’t you tell us?”

           “Us?” You raised a brow, shutting the book as you turned away from it. “Oh. Michael. Look, Jeremy, I... considered it, but... I dunno, there’s a reason I use an alias online-”

           He turned shades of red before you, averting his gaze as he understood  -mentally kicking himself for a stupid question. “That’s fine! I just - I’m, uh, surprised. You’ve... you’ve really improved, you know?”

           He had caught a glimpse of your smile as you ran your fingers down the textures cover of your sketchbook. “Drawing every day does that,” you admitted with a casual shrug, before shaking your head to dismiss any further thoughts and you looked back up at him, “c’mon. I’ll walk you home.”

          Jeremy swore he knew too much about you.

          The thought hadn’t occurred to him until one day during lunch, where you were sitting next to Michael and talking about dumb things that made you laugh - and he noticed how there was a small wrinkle in your nose when you laughed or smiled hard enough. But you laughed at the same jokes, and, fuck, was it possible to have missed someone’s laugh? 

          But there was Christine. He liked Christine. He knew he liked Christine. Besides - you seem so close to Rich, how are you two not dating? He was always so touchy with you, an arm around your waist casually and he knew so many facts about you.

          But then again, Jeremy also knew a lot about you. He knew your favorite candy hadn’t changed (Sour Patch Kids, specifically the watermelon ones), and that you loved the peach-mango slushies from Wawa (and the lemon bars, and the sourdough melts with pepperoni). He knew you loved art so much, and he loved watching you draw and the way you furrowed your brow in frustration while paying such close attention to every little action you took whil eerasing and redrawing different parts over and over. He knew you painted your nails black without a care, and he remembered the day you had offered to paint his nails and Michael’s too (and Michael had been the one to take you up on that offer, Jeremy too nervous and flustered to say yes - how would he even explain that to his dad?).

          Then there was the way you always joked alongside him. Michael was used to his lame puns and stupid jokes, usually elbowing him playfully at the first painfully bad pun before meeting the rest with a groan feigned with annoyance - but you? You laughed at him, and you made shitty puns back, and you made him smile. There was something so beautiful in your smile, and god - you were like sunshine to him. Even when you were tormented by the bullshit you’d gone through, you still had the kind of presence who lit up a room and you were still the kind of person whose presence he sort of hungrily drank in because you were so warm and loving and so, so damn nerdy that you felt like home. 

          And one day it was just you and him and Michael. Michael left the room, door left open as he meandered through the Heere household with expertise - and you lit up at something. And you nudged him, pointing over forwards the faded planet stickers still stuck to his bedroom door. And he smiled: you remembered them. He couldn’t believe that you would remember such a little detail like that, but... it made him feel important, in the weirdest way, and maybe he was greedy for chasing that feeling but it was so good that he was willing to accept another religion’s deadly sin if it meant he’d feel important.

          And he finds himself listening to Spotify on lazy afternoons after classes, and he hears you in some songs. So he sort of smiled at that after the first few times it had happened, and made a new playlist with your name as the title - with the intention of finding some image to throw into onto it later. Michael caught him adding music to it one day, and he sorta laughed at it before nudging him.

          “So where’s my playlist, Jer?”

          Jeremy laughed it off.

          And then it clicked in Michael’s mind as he looked at him, taking in the sight of the faint flush to the scrawny boy’s face as he went back to what he had been doing without much of a second thought and that stupid dreamy look in his eye that Michael had seen so many times before. “You like [y/n], don’t you?”

          “What? No!” he immediately said, spinning his chair and pushing away as he looked at Michael. Then the guilt set in quick, regret pooling deep in his stomach with a nasty poison to it all. That’s when he first started to sort-of realize that you were more than a friend in his mind. But he finished your playlist that night anyway (at least - finished enough, even if he would add more tasty jams for you to enjoy at a later date) and he sent it to you. 

          The heart emojis you sent back made him smile.

          The sticky summer heat enveloped you as you took a slow, cautious step onto the front porch. Even at night, you felt as if you’d completely melt if you stayed outside for too long. But you needed this moment to yourself, to breathe and stand outside in the quiet. To pretend that Michael wasn’t snoring inside. Besides - it’d just be a few minutes. You sank down onto the porch swing that was definitely relatively new considering Michael absolutely didn’t have this a few years ago. You’d remember if he did. It swayed underneath your weight, and you shut your eyes for a moment and breathe. And it was just you. 

          Then the door creaked open, and you opened your eyes to see Jeremy standing halfway in the doorway, leaning out to look at you. At first he acted as if he were going to speak - but he stepped out, shutting the door behind him as he approached you.

          He stopped at the edge of the swing, curling his fingers around the chain at his end. He stood there nervously, fiddling with the metal absentmindedly before he finally took in a deep breath to calm his nerves.“Are you okay?” He asked, voice quiet and laced with the dwindling remnants of sleep. 

          You nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.” And you were. Tired, sure, but you were okay and you’d trade anything to just be okay forever.

          Jeremy sat down next to you, absentmindedly rocking the swing back and forth. “Are you sure?”

          “Yeah,” you nodded, “I just forgot how loudly Michael snores.”

          He raised a brow at that. “How did you forget?”

          You shrugged. “It’s been a while-”

          “Yeah,” he said, “but - what’s your secret, [y/n]?” He smiled at you, “I’d do anything to forget that.”

          You couldn’t help but crack a smile in return. But you didn’t respond, instead looking back out.

          So Jeremy spoke again. “Can... Can I ask you something?”

          “You just did,” you said without a second thought, before looking to him, “but yeah, sure.”

          “You, uh, you don’t have to answer or anything, since, I, uh, I know how bad it was but...” He paused for a beat, taking in another breath to calm himself. “What was it like?”

          You understood. “It’s like...” You started, pressing your lips together as you searched for the words. “It’s just a constant voice in the back of your head. Like - y’know how it feels to second guess yourself sometimes?” He nodded. You continued, “it’s - it’s sorta like that, but instead of being hard on yourself for that, you have something else making the decision to give you shit for it every fucking moment.” You wrapped your fingers around your other wrist, acutely aware of the electrical scars that now reside there, “I don’t want to go back to that.”

          “I’m sorry-” He started. Then he went wide-eyed, “wait, fuck, you did this for me, right?”

          “Not entirely,” you shrugged. “I mean... Rich said it’d make me cool. That people would like me, and... then, after I took it, it said it’d help make you like me.” You paused, “ugh, god, that sounds so fucking stupid when I think about it.” 

          “It’s not,” he said, a little too quickly, “I mean - I think it makes sense, since... I dunno, we all want to be liked, I guess?”

          You blurted out your thoughts, “it wanted to... to get to you, too.” You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth for a moment. “Sorry, it - it just said you were, uh, the perfect candidate.” You forced a bitter laugh past your lips, “I wonder what the criteria for that is.” But you turned gentle, voice soft. “I, uh, I said no. You didn’t deserve... that. You deserve to be yourself, Jeremy.”

          For the longest time, he was quiet. But he finally looked over at you for a moment, “what if it had been me?”

          “What?”

          “What if... y’know... it had been me instead of you?”

          “I... I don’t know.” You pressed your lips together into a thin, tight line as you mulled the thought over. “I don’t think we’d be sitting here right now.” Nervously, you scratched at the back of your neck. “And I think you’d be a huge dick, to be honest.”

          “What!?” He turned back to you, “why?”

          Your laugh was light, airy, forced. “Just a feeling.” A smile ghosted over your lips as you looked away. “You still like Christine, right?”

          That caught him off guard. “Uh - yeah, I mean - I do, but - it’s, uh, it’s complicated.” He frowned.

          “Oh,” you smiled, genuine this time, and turned back to him. “Another crush? That’s... actually really valid.”

         “What about you?” He asked, and he ignored the hope that rose and quaked in fear inside of his chest.

         You merely shrugged. “I don’t know. I... haven’t really thought about how I feel in a while. But... I think I like someone.” You paused to laugh the thought off, “god, I feel like a kid saying it like that, but...”

         And then you paused again. 

         “Oh my god.” You looked at Jeremy, “we’re seniors.”

         In time, he wouldn’t remember the conversation exactly. He remembered the vague outline - college, majors, high school, and for a moment sex, before the air felt awkward (in... a weird way that felt good and weird at the same time, and he couldn’t exactly define why). You stood up, stretching as you turned to head back inside, and you said something to him that he didn’t remember because, if he was honest, he was lost in the way you looked in the light of the moon and stars and it made him feel like a big fucking sap. He followed you inside after a moment, laughing off the spaced-out behavior, and descended into the depth of Michael’s basement with a hope that he would get some good sleep - and if he couldn’t, he hoped at least you would. One of you should at least make it through the night with this sleeping dragon nearby.