#gonna just reblog and not like cuz despite relating i do not agree

[lyraeon]

was gonna put these tags on that last reblog re: scars that look like self-harm but aren't but I decided I'd gotten too personal so I just pasted it here and then kept expanding lol

wonky line breaked cuz it was tags at first

my two worst scars that're visible in normal clothes are where a broken table top sliced my leg open (I didn't notice I'd cut anything but my pants for like an hour bc my edema was so bad it held it shut despite... well I def shoulda gotten stitches i'll leave it at that but it was 2007 and I had no insurance so it got a folded paper towel and some packing tape because I needed to finish loading the moving truck) ...and then actually the one related to the point of this post whoops ADHD moment which is FROM A PIECE OF CARDBOARD but on my wrist in a spot that I've gotten comments on it like nah fam I just reached into a box weird working at build a bear and when you have bad edema you get wide scars all the leftover scars from the more self-destructive parts of my life no one would suspect as such cuz I was so afraid of bothering anyone I was very hidden about it

and then decided I should move it to its own post so I got more into some darker shit from my past:

I doubt anyone who didn't do the exact same would notice or identify them hell I've had therapists not believe me they are (or that I was actually suicidal at any point let alone at the moment) and that was fuckin fun when it happened (cuz in 2006 depression was still something you didn't talk about and that people 'faked for attention' or 'are just trying to get ahold of drugs rather than face life' so a 19 year old sobbing her eyes out after flunking out of college and openly admitting to being barely keeping herself together? clearly just wants happy pills better call her a faker)

that said I'm still divided on the post in general I understand and agree with the sentiment and I've seen a horrendous situation back on FB where I was in a group that was like 'help me make small decisions' or something so people would post like yo do I want the green dirnk or the blue one or whatever there was one person who had a feeding tube so a couple times a week they would post asking to help decide which bandage-type things to use to hold it in place a lot of us actually looked forward to those posts too cuz they were so wholesome and the designs were fun in retrospect it was a little 'disability porn' or whatever the right term is for when people go 'oh wow if they can do it so can I!' but the person was clearly trying to share the experience of making the best of their situation? anyway one day a bunch of people went off on them for being triggering to their eating disorders by 'bragging' about having a feeding tube and that by allowing the posts the admins were promoting unhealthy behaviors or some crap like that basically saying 'yo this person clearly ed'd themself into having to have a feeding tube and it's reminding me of my time in the hospital' and like as someone who is triggered by some mundane things at times and has a severe thing with veins and hearts I get that unfortunately something like that can be triggering so I get why someone would want it warned but also like it's that person's daily experience and it's what they would look like out in public and regardless 1. they were being HORRENDOUSLY RUDE about it they didn't just go 'yo could you warn please this is triggering to me' or ask the moderators what the right course of action was this was like 5 people who'd clearly been discussing it in DMs beforehand who WENT OFF and had all those accusations which leads me to 2. the person didn't even have the feeding tube from anything ED related I don't remember the exact reason but they'd had it their whole life so the people going off on them weren't even going off about something that was actually happening the person was not glorifying their eating disorder as accused they were just trying to share something that brought them joy the conclusion olympics continues I guess

but situations where you have competing triggers or needs are always so damn tricky the example I still keep giving is having a roommate who needed their doors all closed whereas closed interior doors freak me out I have zero idea why they just give me severe anxiety I can't have my back to any entrances either like I will not even turn my back to the shower curtain even if the door is locked and I prefer not closing even like the bathroom door if I can get away with it no clue why! but coming upstairs and finding both my roommates' doors closed always made me nauseous which I recognized was a very unusual reaction to have and thus just lived with it especially because I knew at least one of them NEEDED their door shut for similar reasons and it was their room I guess 'the person whose life and space it is's need outweighs others' is a good general guide but like most things it's complicated idk why I gotta be so lmao technicalities about things but such is life