#gonna write a triage rant later

[wormgremlin]

I wanna say something else on the topic of rude comments on AO3. I know a lot of people just choose not to respond to trolls. I also know it's probably a waste of my time to respond. But I have a sliver of hope in me that people genuinely don't know why what they're doing is fucked up. And I lean on that sliver and I reply, yes perhaps a bit snarkily or rude. But all the while telling them why what they did is wrong. That being said, I will not stop deleting comments. That noise doesn't belong on anyone's fic, not even mine.

I'm not a fast writer. I'm not a prolific writer or a popular writer or even a particularly GOOD writer. I'm aware that sometimes my verb tenses are bad or my characterization off. I have a lot of words I overuse or awkward wording patterns I can't leave behind. But I get a beta to fix what can be fixed, then publish it.

I'm not a good writer. I write because I have ideas that I would rather have written out than have live forever in my head. I write for fun. I write to see the representation I want to see, even if I write it badly.

I repeat. I am not a good writer. However I am a stubborn writer. I am a resilient writer. And I reply to the people who think it's okay to criticize fic writers because I can deal with it. Because I don't care. And because I know it hurts others. And I hope, desperately that they do so unaware of the effect they have. Because that means they might be willing to change.

There seems to be a bizarrely short logical jump from "unasked for criticism is okay" and "telling people to kill themselves is okay." I don't write particularly problematic ships. No judgement or shame, I just don't.

But every fic is problematic under a bad faith reading. If you don't like something, it's a very short leap to "problematic." It's like that one post said: coffee shop AU? Workplace harassment. Genderswap? Transphobic. Queer relationships? Fetishizing. And if all someone needs is not liking something in a fic to begin criticizing an author or accusing an afab queer person of misogyny and homophobia... Well. It's a short leap from that to telling someone to kill themselves, isn't it?

And I may seem strangely fixated on the "kill yourself" angle. But I remember just a few years ago. People were doxxed. Lists went around of blacklisted individuals, and blocking them was a way of virtue signaling. So was using that blacklist as a mailing list for telling people to kill themselves. People were in my friends' ask boxes telling them to commit suicide. My friends who were not always in the best mental space. Over fanfiction. Over problematic things in fanfic. When I insisted that perhaps it is inappropriate to leave such comments, several other people stopped talking to or blocked me simply for saying "telling someone to commit suicide is inappropriate" and being associated with blacklisted individuals.

Of course, escalation isn't necessary to make it harmful and inappropriate, on a lesser scale. What was it that one particularly dense person said? Something about my characterization. So what if my characterization was bad? Back button exists for a reason! Don't waste either of our time reading it! "Don't like, don't read," dldr -- there are whole acronyms about it! You would think the point has gotten across by now. I am a self proclaimed bad writer. You're right! I don't always get Bucky's characterization right. A cis white ex-military man has immensely different lived experience from me. Hell, I've never even handled a gun before. Sometimes that means what I think makes sense for his character... doesn't. But also consider: I didn't ask; therefore, it's inappropriate and not "concrit" as some people like to call it (which I also have opinions about).

Someone commented after I posted about people leaving rude comments that I was how was it phrased? "Crying on tumblr," I believe. I'm not asking you to specifically stop commenting on my fic, I'm asking you to stop entirely. I'm asking you to take a step back and consider the real life effects of sending anon-hate or leaving unnecessarily critical comments on people's works they are making available to you for free. And if you're still under the impression that you are in the right to leave these kinds of comments... This is not me crying on tumblr. Let's be perfectly clear: this is me calling you a bitch on tumblr.

[boyakishan]

Mather post or something. Read more is basically old rant.

Hi. If you're here to insult me, go ahead.

If you're here to ask any questions about eh blogs @boyakishantriage or the bitchy @boyakishantrio-beta . Go right on ahead.

Rp is at the Triage account, y'know how to use your brain.

No I'm not sorry, yes I'm very blunt and please tell me if I'm rude or anything really.

Also, don't expect anything from me. Like every person on here, I can't read what your saying. So just say bluntly, what I did wrong and what you want.

I give advice and AO3 will be added because surprise surprise I'm a writer.

Oh and advice means anything. Just DM or communicate and I'll see what I can help with. Not a professional of course.

Dear god I'm not a professional.

Anywho. If you're still reading this. Hi :)

https://www.tumblr.com/boyakishan/707856863838027776/state-what-the-problemmain-point-what-u-want-me

^tldr: if ya send anything be blunt and state what it is, what post and what U want me to do about it TO THIS ACCOUNT. Or you can try talking to Triage. Since, y'know. She isn't me. Good luck m8.

Old masterpost

Hi

I'm an Chinese, Malaysian Australian with about as much loyalty as a semi experienced hooker. I have some normal clients, no one knows about the other people and the people who do know each other don't know I'm talking to them.

I'M ON AO3, SAME NAME. @boyakishannarrative for some previews.

To be clear: I am kind of an asshole and I don't care in that. I treat everyone the same, unless otherwise needed, and it's because I care too much. I'm "more mature for my age". Or, I'm at that point when you're really old and you've lived life. It's done and you just. Don't care. You're gonna die. And you're content with it. It still terrifies you and if you don't have to, you're gonna take up. Etc.

I like to DM interesting people. It's confidential and I can give advice, no guarantees tho because I have no idea what I'm doing.

Contrary to the confidence or arrogance I permeate I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm writing a novel thing. Aura and ReAura. It's on AO3 by the same name as this.

I'm a blunt narcissistic delusion insane dumbass with the equivalent qualifications as most dogs. I'm more wise than intelligent.

Tldr: I might be the greatest asshole you'll ever meet. Or I'm about as delusional as you can get and I'm very deep into the dunning Kruger effect.

I dunno, but I like to help and take chances.

Oh and if ya wanna see cute stuff as I find it, request to join the "CuteList." And I'll update ya.

I follow under philosophies such as

Fuck it

Fuck you

Well this is happening I guess

Well that happened

Life's dumb.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Etc

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