#good for her ig but I hope this passion for reading sticks and she finds better books

[dahldahlbills]

overheard a student say, “I hate reading but this book makes me want to read it’s SO good.” And it was a fuckin Colleen Hoover book.

[luvargas]

     i think i just saw LUCILA “ LU ” VARGAS ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was her . after all , CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD BY HOLE was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe she was on her way to work , i hear she’s a PERSONAL TRAINER . but she totally could have been on her way to SNEAK IN A SMOKE AT THE GARDEN . guess we’ll never know . you’ll definitely know its her when you see LOOSE AND TANGLED HAND WRAPS , BUTTON BADGES ON VEGAN LEATHER ,  AND HEAR THE SHRILL SOUND OF BICKERING around the country club . let’s just hope she stays off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get her !

( new muse, messy thoughts, u get the gist. pls know the views of this chara do not reflect my own. the name’s katya, 21, she/her pronouns & im ready 2 party. feel free to hmu wnvr or drop a like to plot n ill com 2 u ! x — oh n pls be a pal n read this quick disclaimer. tysm ! )

BASICS

24 years old

15 april 1997

5′1″ or 1.55m tall

bisexual cis woman, she/her

aries sun, aqua moon, and aqua rising

love languages : quality time & acts of service

BIO POINTS

kid o’ divorce, lived w her ma in chicago til she was 6 then w her dad in highlands til 14 then back to her ma ! 

def a daddys gorl. so used to her white pop’s leniency that livin w her strict latina ma durin her teen yrs was So Not Her Vibe ergo * cue her rebel grrrl phase *

did not finish hs ! left senior yr 2 to go w her “ radically progressive ” college bf to [ insert dev country. ] they broke up after a few mos but she kept at that life for a couple more yrs

seen some places. lived in new countries. done some shit. some good, some sus, but all generally well-intentioned. tis a whole thing but u get the gist, nywy !

lu’s back in da usa by 21. rel w the ma is strained but the pa is chill w stuff, they kept in touch. he said shell get her college fund if she gets her ged so she does !

her dad is v active n stuff so shes just always been v sporty w him. lu turnin 23 w zilch plans worried him so he implored her to get certified as a personal trainer ! n when she did, he called in a few favors w a pal he knows et voilà ! ur hired.

LU AT WORK

shes been workin at the country club fr a little over a yr now. most her clients are influencer-type gals n they luv her bc shes can take rlly cute pics n stuff for content. lu sorta likes some of em n she fakes the rest for the bread. u can bet she clowns all em richies behind their back   

unless she got clients, catch her runnin’ about the club n minglin’ w the other workers. does it annoy mngmt ? yes. n she luvs that. but bc her soon-2-b-karen clients luv her n wont stand for her bein booted, she can milk that impunity

actually knows her shit n lowkey rlly enjoys the work. she picked back up the boxing n tae kwon do she did when she was younger plus she was always in the track team at school. v healthy lifestyle save for her smokin vice n the party moments

PERSONALITY 

passionate ! has lotsa opinions. helluva a drama queen, bit of a loud mouth, argumentative n stubborn but her heart’s in the right place, albeit a lil misguided. comes w the whole activist bit, bitin her tongue just aint it. highkey makes everythin political n smtms gotta realize .,.,. it just aint that deep chief. some say shes needlessly defiant, but maybe thats a in the beholder typa thing ? fingers crossed 4 lu’s sake

fun, fun, fun ! can be real naggy but shes no buzzkill. wannabe anarchist-slash-mutineer who wants 2 stick it 2 the man ! get rowdy go crazy

fight, fight, fight ! goin back to the first bit, she talks big. esp w like ,, men n the whites lol. she can actually walk her threats tho she isnt actually violent. w arguments, she likes to start em but finishin is ... ruff.  also any dare, she wont back down in either doin it or arguin why doin it wld be smth-ist. shes not the sharpest tool ok rip lu

loyal legend ! fr her friends n buds, shell turn a blind eye. pals r the only exception ! truly ride or die n will do errthng 4 em. v much a believer in the power of community n ppl needin ppl or wtvr, yk, all that stuff. shes mouthy but like, she helps ppl 

here’s a brief blurb n a more coherent look into lu as a character

TIDBITS

lu can understand spanish but hers is a bit broken, tis her secret shame shhh

she doesn’t believe in the institution. any institution. u name it, shes got beef

pls dont fact check her she cant hear u

probs lowkey thinks shes better than u bc shes vegan

prefers 2 be called “ lu ” n ny1 who insists on lucila is dead 2 her 

comments abt her not lookin like a pt w her height n frame will result in an earful n a dramatic outburst. it aint worth it chief

watches lotsa sports w her pops. mostly indiv ones. mma, boxing, tennis, track, etc

dont ask me abt her principles n politics, i cant explain em either. v inconsistent n just messy at this point tbh but here’s a lil attempt ig

she drives a 2018 prius n lives in a p nice 1br apt outside the club

her mom’s middle class n her dad is almost upper-middle class. he isnt a member of the club but, like ,,, he cld be if he wanted to lol. he spoils her sm while she hasnt rlly Spoken to her mom besides civility, rip they both stubborn, tis a vargas thing

she is v much in a comfy position money-wise n dsnt hav much Need to hustle but sis does hav a couple of organizations she regularly sends some dough to so thats nice ig

she went fr grassroots activist to a veteran twitter/tumblr/reddit/wtvr ranter n a change.org gofundme petition regular. is it burnout ? is she ok ? honestly who knows

WANTED CONNECTIONS / TAKEN CONNECTIONS

found family ! pals n squad wanted. y’all gotta hav patience or ear plugs to power thru her self-indulgent mini-rants but shell luv ya back tenfold !

carpool buds ? cld be a pal ! or maybe yall had a lil argument or small beef but lu still drives ym bc her pride ? said mother earth first even tho the tension n silly drama is funny 

homies to smoochies ! just sum nsa makin out. cld be pals, cld be flirty, idk, but if u wanna kiss her shes probs ok w that

smoke bud ! just sum1 thats her go-to 2 smoke w on her breaks. knows not to call her out on how its not healthy fr a trainer yada yada she knows ok. let her live

an ex ? idk yet shes not rlly datey but thats out there

crushes ! this bitch hot but does she know how to flirt ? not rlly. watch her fumble

debate club ! aka sum1 she bickers w relentlessly. its valid, sum1 fite her. r u a worker or a club member ? either works. its a whole club bc she can have tons, lu can be hella annoying n testy

clients ! self-explanatory. do they get along tho ? lets find out ! 

( im officially braindead now but if y’all got more ideas or think theres smth lu wld fit just lmk !!! down 4 wtvr, wld luv 2 hash it out w yall <3 ) 

[ubemango]

Year after year (after tear after tear)

note 1: I wrote this last semester after watching deathly hallows for the one hundredth time... I got mad that Ron/Hermione were a thing instead of Harry/Hermione ANYWAY that’s not the point of the fic but U know that feel when Ron/Lavender were together and Hermione was crying the whole time??? Yeah that’s the point of this fic. Also based off a drabble I didn’t reupload; this is the revamped version ig

+ thank you Luna and Miss Minnie for helping me out and reading through this <3

note 2: “Ella will u ever write anything other than college au” Nope die mad about it

PAIRING. jeongguk/being in love, reader/crying, taehyung/being a good friend:( GENRE. sad romance. it’s college angst RATED. T WORD COUNT. 3.4k WARNINGS. I don’t mean it. SUMMARY. Taehyung just wants you to have a good birthday.

let me go, let me stay, let me live in oblivion...

cehryl, sway

(1) 

He doesn’t even need to say she’s there. It’s the same succession of movement every time: his spine will go rigid, then his eyes will light up. Maybe he’ll twiddle his thumbs under the table too. He fidgets like he is.

“I really like her,” Jeongguk sighs.

“That’s good,” you answer.

You stab at the margins of your notebook with your pen. Taehyung doesn’t say anything. He sits across you, unwounded and wholly unbothered, taking another bite of his messy sandwich. At least he cares enough to send you a look that says he understands your vexation.

“Why don’t you go talk to her then?” Taehyung says.

Jeongguk fidgets a little more. He sends another forlorn look past Taehyung’s shoulders. “She hasn’t texted me back.”

“When’d you text her?”

“Like two hours ago.”

“Hmph,” Taehyung grumbles. Instantly you think of Jeongguk waking up with the urgent need to text Jieun. You resist making the disturbed noise that itches at your throat.

“Maybe she’s just too busy,” Jeongguk argues.

“Well she is carrying a billion textbooks,” you chime in. And you’re not wrong. Jieun stands near the pizza station, contemplating lunch choices with the burdens of fourth-year organic chemistry and animal physiology in her tiny hands. She’s dainty in that pretty way. If you had the gall, you’d be green with jealousy, but even you can’t deny her charm.

“Maybe I’ll go help her—“

Taehyung slams his hands across the table on his arm. “Do not.”

“She’s so cute.” Jeongguk resigns, sitting back down.

If you were kinder to yourself, you’d excuse your presence for the sake of finding solace in your homework elsewhere. There’s a weird mixture of pity and rapture that keeps you glued to your seat though; while you loathe to sit out one more second of Jeongguk foaming at the mouth for annoyingly-pretty-Jieun, there’s also the anchor in your heart that weighs you right back down to him. 

In a less metaphoric translation: he cut his hair and he looks really good.

“So are you… talking talking?” Taehyung asks through mushy bread.

“Sorta,” Jeongguk says. “I mean—she and I talk through Snap.”

“Does she save your messages?”

“Nope.”

“Jesus,” Taehyung says again.

“I do,” Jeongguk interjects.

“Christ.” Taehyung snorts. “Do you guys have any classes together?”

“A-level anthropology. She needed it for her degree requirement.”

It makes sense. “So she was the fourth year you had to talk to for group discussion,” you recall.

“Yeah.”

“And now you’re in love with her.” (Taehyung gives you a sharp stare.)

“Well—sure,” Jeongguk replies. “I don’t know. She’s cool. The other day she was watching a stream of someone playing Resident Evil and my heart was so—big for her.”

You scrunch your nose. He says this like you didn’t come over the second it came out and took turns playing it with him but you won’t bring it up. “Cute,” you say instead.

“Oh.” You watch his phone light up on the table. “It’s—she messaged me back.”

Jeongguk stays preoccupied tapping furiously on his screen. Taehyung finishes his sandwich with a gulp, offering you one more glance of understanding. Your chest hurts.

(2)

There’s a movie playing in the student lounge tonight. Some high-definition, revolutionary take on pop culture you haven’t watched the trailer for yet. It’s Jeongguk who invites you.  

He’s saved you a seat next to him on the couch, buttered popcorn hot on his lap. “You’re late,” Jeongguk complains when you fall into the cushion next to him.

“I don’t like movies.”

“But you like me.”

You know it’s a joke. But offence comes in the form of a shiver that runs right down your back, and if he was any closer he probably would have felt it. “Sure,” you answer instead. “Taehyung not here yet?”

“Nah.” He tips the bucket in your direction in offering, and you scoop a handful of kernels. “He had some band rehearsal or something. He’ll probably come later.”

The opening scenes drone into a buzz you pay half-attention to. A lot of people are here tonight, and the convention of silence isn’t something they really care about because you can barely hear what you’re not even trying to listen to. Jeongguk groans. “So loud,” he says.

You shrug. “Are you sad about that?”

“Shut up.” He clicks his tongue. Spreads his legs and leans back attractively, and you cross your legs to distract yourself from the sudden track of desire that makes a course through your head. Literally any boy could do the same douchey thing and you’d find it gross, but Jeongguk was never any boy. Jeongguk is clumsy and knocks his knees against yours and apologizes quick under his breath, and you notice he hasn’t looked at you once.

You don’t put it past him. You probably shouldn’t be so preoccupied with your messy love life when the one it concerns is right next to you. But it’s easy to get lost in the lull of the movie you’re not here for, seeking out Jeongguk’s presence, because it’s what you do when you don’t care about the consequences.

You turn to him when he nudges your shoulder.

“Hey,” he whispers. 

“Yeah?”

“I see Jieun.”

Of course he sees Jieun. You know how it works. The signal that blares the second you notice something’s right about the room, your periphery shrinking into the one thing, and it was Jeongguk sitting on this couch. You didn’t even need to search for him because he was just there. Now Jieun is just there and and you’re here but not to Jeongguk. 

Never for Jeongguk.

You nod in agreement. “Yeah. Up front?”

“Mhm.”

The glow of the screen surrounds her, almost like she’s some holy deity. Trust Jieun to make the back of her head just as pretty as her face. There’s bitterness, but there’s also acceptance, and that’s what’s mashing at your insides. “She’s alone,” you remark.

“She says she likes going to the movies here,” Jeongguk says, and it clicks.

“So you’re here for her.”

He scratches his chin, frowning. “I—maybe. Yeah,” he flounders.

You're quiet for the sake of being polite, but a million derisive words jumble quiet in your head. Like you’d said earlier, you don’t even like movies. But it meant an hour and a half of wondering if his thigh would touch yours. An amalgamation of all the sweetest things you could imagine happening in this two-seater, and he won’t spare you one glance. 

You find your words before you start floundering, too. “So are you gonna talk to her?”

“I want to.”

“You should if you want to.”

“I just—“ he pauses when the dialogue continues loudly on-screen— “I… have a question.”

“Sure.”

“Friend to friend.” Your insides freeze up. For a strange couple seconds, you contemplate laughing. “I just—I feel so clueless. I like her a lot but it feels like it’s going nowhere. One second I’m texting her and it really seems like it’s going somewhere and then she doesn’t talk to me for two days.”

“Sounds rough,” you offer. 

“It’s annoying. I don’t know. I mean we’re nowhere near exclusive but I’m still sorta hurt, y’know? Is it—is it wrong for me to feel like that? Am I allowed to feel this sad?”

Jeongguk takes the pause for your initial thoughts to dump a handful of popcorn in his mouth. You both stare forward, and you know who he’s looking at. “Is that your question?” You mumble.

“Yeah.”

You stick your hand in the bucket. Jeongguk takes his hand out. “You’re allowed to be sad.”

“Hm,” he huffs.

“It’s a bad feeling—like you’re going somewhere with someone when you really aren’t,” you continue. You bring your knees up to your chest, and if your shoes scuff the couch you don’t really care. “It’s not your fault. I get it. You get the—the hope that she’ll keep talking to you, because if she’s not then it feels like she doesn’t care, right? And it all just blows up in your face when you don’t talk but when you do it feels good again. You know. Like a cycle.”

Jeongguk nods fast. “A dumb cycle,” he snorts, and you can’t help but agree.

“You’ll be fine,” you say.

“Thanks.” He bumps his elbow against yours in an effort to lighten up the mood. “You know. Whoever you end up with? They’re really lucky.”

Ouch. That’s literally the last thing you’d planned on hearing tonight, but you’ll take it anyway. “You’re too nice to me.”

“I mean it!”

“Thanks.” You’ve never doubted his sincerity—never will. But when it works against your favour, it’s hard to hide being terse. Especially when you have nothing left to say. 

On-screen, a couple shares a passionate kiss.

“I don’t like this movie,” you decide.

Jeongguk hums. “Sorry.”

The moment is done. You had come for loveless possibilities; watched them disintegrate with every word Jeongguk spoke. The rational part of your brain reminds you it isn’t his fault. 

It’s always yours.

“You should go sit with her,” you encourage.

“Really?”

If Jeongguk’s trying to hide his excitement, it’s not working. He sucks in his bottom lip. Something he does when he’s contemplating anything nerve-wracking, and with the awful feeling stabbing your stomach, you remember how hard it is to forget the small things about him. “Go. I’ll save this seat for Taehyung.”

“Alright,” he resolves. He hands you the popcorn bucket. Gives you one last hopeful look and bounds off to the front without warning. 

You watch him whisper to get Jieun's attention. She adjusts fast, it seems—he slides in the couch right next to her in an instant. When his shoulder touches hers, your heart shatters.

Taehyung doesn’t show up. When the movie’s done, Jeongguk and Jieun are nowhere to be seen. 

At least you got the popcorn to yourself.

(3)

“You’re such a masochist,” Taehyung declares.

“Maybe.”

"Stop talking to him."

"Stop talking to our best friend?" No one really comes to the library on weekends. It's a void you signed up to volunteer in, shelving books in peace. But this time Taehyung insisted he come by to help you out. Really he'd just felt bad that he couldn't make it to movie night last week, and he'd listened to the failed outcome with kind ears—and unkind advice. "I can't just—do that."

"I mean like taking a friendship break," he suggests. You hand him the generous weight of a British literature anthology to slot in. "What the fuck. This is so heavy. Anyway go join a club or something. Distract yourself."

"So much work."

"Yeah but would you rather die every time J-word comes around?" Taehyung frowns when you push the trolley ahead without him. "Priorities. Priorities!"

His volume is a touch higher than the acceptable whisper, and you make sure his foot falls victim to the sudden stop of the wheels. He grumbles when it scuffs his shoe. "It's not easy!" You scold tightly.

"Neither is sticking around him all the time! It's been three years. We graduate soon. And I don't want to sound mean, but you need to deal with all of this better."

What he means? An honest effort. What you take from it? Nothing, because dealing with it means confronting your feelings with a rationality you don't have. You'll never be poised enough for that. 

"It's not easy," you repeat.

You're getting restive, rifling through the spines of books with unsteady hands. You want to blame the coffee you had before coming in, but the more you succumb to Taehyung's comfort, the more you unravel. He does nothing but watch now. "Are you okay?" He asks. "Like really?"

Easy question. You still hesitate. "Nope."

He sighs like he didn't want that answer. "It's been a long time, huh."

Of what, he doesn't say. He doesn't need to. You know what the context is—Jeongguk became a constant the minute you'd exchanged hellos in first year. Your friendship was never an extravagant affair: just something you'd pursued with no romantic prompt whatsoever, because statistics isn't the easiest for people who are only doing it for the credit. He's always been good at easy things.

It's all about happenstance. How saying hi to a kind face in a cold classroom means unfolding three years worth of tumult. You think of all the fairytales you’ve lived: fifth-grade harbingers of cheek kisses, high school promises that would bring you to the ends of the Earth. Now, a lost cause, because college isn’t grounds for fair endings, and the authors of your fate are not kind. How easy it would be to just pick it up and shove it along with the other books you push into the shelf.

You can't help but mirror Jeongguk's anguish. "I'm stupid," you confess, rounding the next aisle to crouch and stock the bottom of the bookcase. 

Taehyung hums. "You're not."

"It's my fault."

"It's not your fault," he argues. "You're just good at loving someone. But that doesn't mean it feels good. Don't be mad when I say what I'm about to say."

"Okay," you caution.

"Sometimes I want to punch your head," Taehyung explains. He tuts when you make a target of his ankle with the hardcover in your hand. "You know? Pinch the I love Jeongguk nerves till they go away."

"You're very nice.”

He runs a hand along the spines of the history of the Middle Ages. "I just don't like seeing you so hurt all the time,” he says. He walks on ahead wordlessly. You stare at the boring carpet of the floor, and think of how nice it is to have Taehyung as a friend.

(3.9)

There’s something particularly amazing about the drive to do well in school: the hyper-sensitive awareness of your dwindling sense of self, because late nights and dehydration have pretty much become personal traits at this point. You’ll look online for ways to do self-care later. It’s a fatalistic time of year, studying for exams. Maybe you should straighten your back, but no one’s in your room to scold you this late at night.

It takes two seconds past midnight for Taehyung to bulldoze through your text notifications.

[12:00:02 AM] taehyubg: HAPPY

[12:00:04 AM] taehyubg: BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [12:00:09 AM] taehyubg: Sorry u have to study about profit margins or whatever [12:00:15 AM] taehyubg: Take it easy 👌🏼

[12:00:30 AM] You: thank you :)

[12:00:38 AM] You: fhdfkjhsfkjf i’m tired!!!!! buy me coffee tomorrow as ur gift

[12:01:09 AM] taehyubg: Yeah

[12:01:13 AM] taehyubg: Maybe

[12:01:15 AM] taehyubg: :P

[12:01:29 AM] taehyubg: Ok I’ll let u study. Seriously though. good luck!

[12:01:40 AM] You: thank u:) again lol

You lay your phone down flat. Too many temptations to consider if you keep the screen within your periphery, but that doesn't stop you from leaving the ringer on.

In the thoughtless state of staring at your loopy handwriting, you think of Jeongguk.

Maybe he’s hunched over his desk, too. Contemplating his own writing, because they’re incomprehensible and he’s too proud to give up the faux-cursive he’s learned for fast lecturers. 

Or maybe he’s lying down in bed, considering sleep with tired eyes. Maybe he listens to the ticking of his clock. The seconds trailing past midnight, and maybe, you hope, maybe it’s still too early, because he's never forgotten your birthday before.

The shrieks of your phone scratching the wood on your desk ring loud. You try not to sink into sad possibilities. So you grab for it, and the split second before you swipe, you see Jeongguk’s face, and you sigh in relief. 

“Hi,” his voice filters through the line. "Is it—am I too late? Is it late?"

"No. Not at all," you answer a little more breathlessly than you want to let on.

"Oh. Cool. Ha. How—how are you?"

Not an uncommon greeting but you thought—”I’m good."

"Good. You're studying too right? You have your exam tomorrow?"

"So you just called to check on me?"

"Sure."

"Ah. Okay," you whisper. 

"Actually, no—I. I called because I just wanted someone to talk to. If that's okay."

The screen is strikingly cold on your hot cheek. If you focus hard enough, the atoms inside you might collide faster and burst into complete hysterics. You think the drama is warranted. 

Of course he forgot your birthday. 

"It's fine,” you mumble. “Are you okay?"

"I just—ahhh… Just nervous is all. Jieun, she—we’re seeing another movie tomorrow night, so."

"Well you're just watching a movie."

"Yeah but. I don't know. I don't have you, this time."

You could analyze the irony of that sentence but then you'd really explode. The softness of his words are stifling. "Sorry."

"I just want it to be perfect," he says.

"That's good."

Jeongguk makes a rough noise. Stretching, probably. "Are you sure I'm not calling too late?"

"Positive," you answer. Rigid in your posture, like how he changes his stance when he sees Jieun. Now, you don't really see anything. Just the blur of the oddities of your messy notes and the very real truth of the boy who knows nothing, sitting in his room, oblivious to the pounding of your heart. Your head. It hurts to keep your eyes open.

"Cool. Thanks," he sighs. "Thanks for—uh. Listening. I keep talking about... her. Don't I?"

"Yeah, but. We can't help who we like, can we."

"Right."

Tonight he talks about her pretty fingernails, and her shiny hair. The buzzing in your ears cuts him off thirty minutes into the phone call. You think you might convince yourself to spew the polemic sitting ugly under your tongue, so you bid him a hasty goodbye with the excuse of covering content you haven't gotten to yet. 

He hangs up first. You feel much, much older. 

(4)

There’s a bench on the east side of campus, across the iron statue of a revered professor. It’s decorated with a dandelion flower crown. A bird alights on its head. Taehyung meets you with a medium coffee, and a muted smile. 

"You did good," he says. 

You give him an attempt at a grateful look. Today, nothing sits right: the exam was hellish, and the skin of your ring finger throbs red from writing too hard. The loom of your headache threatens a siege but you sip at the heat of your coffee before you can think about it. “Thanks.”

Taehyung sighs into his seat. “Nice weather,” he jokes. He points at the chubby swallow currently chirping high noises of delight. “It’s saying happy birthday.”

“That’s cute.”

“Speaking of a little birdie,” he clears his throat, “heard our little fledgling was psyched for another date soon.”

You are very aware. And it’s not like he had to be cautious about bringing the subject up—Taehyung’s as much of an insider about Jeongguk’s love life as much as you are victim. Friendship codes are complicated. Taehyung knows how much you hurt. “He called me last night.”

“He did?”

“Oh yeah. Told me all about how he wanted everything to be perfect,” you recall. You feel the daggers of Taehyung’s gaze on your face. “I—I don’t know anything anymore.”

He shrugs. “You’re smart.”

“He didn’t remember it was my birthday.”

“So did you remind him?”

“No,” you admit.

“You’re smart,” Taehyung repeats. “Letting him get all in his head. Makes his downfall that much better.”

You take refuge in his aggressive comfort, the dying warmth of the cup in your hands. The grip you have, tightens. “So what I’m hearing is that you’re on my side.”

“I don’t give a fuck about Jieun this, Jieun that.” He clicks his teeth. “Maybe I do. I don’t know. But if all that it does is make you so small like this…”

The swallow has been pecking at the professor’s glasses. It takes a moment to reflect, twisting its neck in a robotic staccato. Then it flies off. Up, up—flapping and struggling, and it soars right past the windows of the student lounge.

Jeongguk and Jieun make a very pretty pair waiting in line for free popcorn. Taehyung lets you squeeze his arm.

“Is it supposed to feel like this?” You falter in the question. 

“No,” he says. He accepts your tears with his hard shoulder. “It shouldn’t. But happy birthday anyway.”

[whenihaveyouromione]

When I Have You - Chapter 1

This can also be read on ffn.net and ao3

A/N: This story will follow the lives of Ron and Hermione from the end of DH, to the epilogue and then beyond. This places all of my head canon in one story, along with tidbits of canon provided by JKR throughout. I like to stick mostly to canon post war, so I've followed the books to a T, and mostly everything post war is canon or canon-compliant. There will be the odd change, most barely noticeable.

Also, standard message that this in no way follows the Cursed Child plot at all, and I ignore it completely. This includes Hermione becoming Minister for Magic (which I know is something people like to include), as it makes no sense in comparison to the other canon JKR has provided. Plus, I hate Cursed Child, so… yeah.

Also, prior to reading this, please be aware that this story is intended to be LONG, it is intended to be an extremely slow burn. The chapter length is currently unknown, but I am predicting well over 200 chapters by the end. This is also not action packed, nor is it filled with unpredictability. This is a story where I go into excruciating detail about their lives after the war, but the intention is to be no surprises. Everything you think will happen, WILL happen. Please be mindful of that before going into this. I don't want anyone to be left disappointed. The idea is to detail their lives, not to have you on the edge of your seat with anticipation! If that's what you're after, this story is not for you.

This story also will contain implied sex. Sex scenes resemble 90's sitcoms — you have the before, you have the after, but none of the in between. They also talk a bit (not a lot, because it's not my focus) about sex. I am writing about their relationship, so it's obviously going to exist, but it's not going to be detailed, just implied.

Also, last but not least, this story has an Instagram account. As it's so long and detailed, I've decided to add some hopefully additional entertainment to it. The handle is (with no spaces) 'whenihaveyou . romione' on IG. Please feel free to follow. If for some reason you can't see it on here, feel free to PM me for it. I'll be posting small sneak peaks, responses to questions, etc on there. I'm even throwing my hand up to attempt some fanart on my own story, but I promise that writing is more my thing lol.

And now, to the story (I swear the future a/n's won't be this long). I hope you enjoy, and as usual, your thoughts, comments, questions, are all appreciated!

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Chapter 1

Ron brushed a stray strand of hair away from Hermione's face, which lit up at his touch. A smile graced her lips, but her eyes remained closed for a few moments longer. It was their favourite way to spend their afternoons; lying on his Chudley Cannons spread, arms around each other, sometimes dozing or sometimes talking. After long days of preparing for the coming funerals and Flooing to Hogwarts to help with repairs, it was always nice to come back and not think about the devastation that had befallen the wizarding world. While everyone grieved, these few moments together were a welcomed solace.

When laying beside her, Ron allowed himself a few moments of happiness. Because that's what she made him feel: happy. When she'd thrown her arms around him and kissed him in the middle of the war, he thought he'd loved her then. Now, ten days later, he realised how mistaken he'd been. This was love. Spending almost every moment, day and night, with her; holding her, kissing her, had made him fall helplessly in love, and for the first time ever, he was almost certain that she felt the same way.

He kissed her lightly on the lips, running fingers through her thick hair. She smiled against him, her eyes finally opening.

"We should go down and help the others with dinner," he murmured. "Before Mum comes looking for us."

As was to be expected, Molly had been a mess since the end of the war. Fred's death had impacted all of them, but no one more than his mother. For the first few days, they'd not seen her as she kept herself locked away in her bedroom, Arthur bringing her every meal. On the third day, she'd ventured out for a few moments before taking one look at everyone and bursting into tears. She'd spent another two days locked away after that.

She was out and about now, but out of respect for her feelings, Ron felt it best to keep his sudden relationship with Hermione secret. He did not think his mother would take kindly to one of her sons finding happiness in such a dark time.

They'd intended to keep it secret from everyone apart from Harry and Ginny, but word had gradually gotten out amongst the rest of the Weasleys. Bill had stumbled upon Ron placing a kiss on her forehead one evening before going to bed. Charlie had caught them holding hands in the Burrow's garden another night. Percy seemed to just know, and Arthur had awkwardly found them in a passionate embrace one morning in a Hogwarts' corridor.

No one spoke of it after, though. Everyone seemed to know better than to mention anything in front of Molly, so meal times resulted in limiting their affection to smiles across the table. That made these moments alone even more special.

Hermione sat up, resting her back against the headboard and yawning. Today had been especially difficult; after days of being hounded by the press as they demanded answers and spat out ridiculous theories (at Hogwarts, of all places), Harry had Disapparated to who knew where and hadn't returned. If he had any sense, he would have gone somewhere no one would find him. Ron suspected he had gone to Grimmauld Place.

"You think Harry's alright?" Hermione asked, rubbing her eyes.

"No, not really," Ron said. "But I can't blame him. The media have been unforgiving. It's easier for us to brush them aside, because they don't care as much about us. Can't imagine what it's like for him."

"How long should we give him?" Hermione asked.

"A few days." Ron shrugged, feeling his mood darken. "Fred's funeral is in three days. Lupin and Tonks' the day after that. I can't imagine him missing them."

Hermione looked less convinced. She looked at Ron, clearly worried. Ron placed an arm around her shoulder and drew her to him so that her head was on his shoulder. "He'll be alright," he assured her. "He just needs some time."

There was a moment's silence, and then, "Ron?" Hermione's voice cracked as she spoke his name.

"Hm?"

Silence again. Ron squeezed her tighter as he felt hot tears against his shirt. It wasn't unusual for these moments to end in tears, for one reason or another. They'd both had their fair share of crying over the past week and a half. He'd lost count of the number of times she'd been there for him, especially after the first few days when the memories of Fred haunted him most clearly. They still did, but he'd managed to get them under control for the most part. Though, he was dreading the funeral.

"Hey."

Hermione lifted her head at the sudden voice appearing at Ron's bedroom door. It was Bill, looking at them both with defeat. "You two better come down soon, otherwise Mum'll send a search party. She wants to start dinner, and Dad is fighting her…"

"Mum wants to cook?" Ron asked.

Bill nodded. "She's insisting. Ginny is really giving it to her, but she's refusing to listen." He smiled slightly. "I guess it's good to see some of the old fight back, eh?"

Hermione pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. "We should go and help," she sniffed.

Ron nodded, and they both climbed off his bed. Hermione left ahead of them, walking past Bill as if slightly embarrassed that he'd seen her cry. Ron went to follow, but Bill stopped him by clasping a hand on his shoulder.

"You alright? Dad mentioned what happened with Harry today."

Ron nodded. "Yeah. I think a part of me knew it was coming. He's been one moment away from an explosion all week. We've just got to give him some time."

Bill nodded, squeezing his shoulder. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks," Ron said.

Bill let Ron go past, following him down the stairs without speaking. Everyone was in the kitchen, Ginny arguing with Molly.

"We told you, Mum! You're not doing anything. The rest of us have got this. Look —" she threw a hand in Ron's direction, "— Ron's here now. An extra pair of hands, an extra wand! We'll have dinner ready in no time."

"Come on, Mum," Bill said, gently placing his hands on Molly's shaking shoulders. "Let's go and sit down." He slowly guided her from the kitchen and into the living room.

After she was gone, Ginny rounded on Ron. "Your appearance a little earlier might have been beneficial, you know." Her eyes flickered to Hermione, softening when they saw her tear-stained face. She looked away. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"It's alright," Ron said. "We're here now. Where do you want us to start?"

It had become the norm for all the children to prepare the meals each night, with some help from Arthur occasionally. It was the least they could do to make things easier, but since their mother had decided to venture from her room, insisting that they could handle it had become increasingly harder. Ron suspected she wished to busy herself by cooking for her large, yet broken family.

Tonight's preparation was sullen. Even the occasional laughter that had occurred other nights was gone. Ginny's mood was dark, her hurt at Harry's disappearance obvious. Like Ron and Hermione, she'd chosen not to share her relationship with Harry to her mother. If that was what it even was. Harry had pushed most of them away, including Ginny, and had snapped at all of them more than once in the last few days.

Dinner was even quieter, with no one speaking apart from asking someone else to pass a bowl over. Ginny, who had been the most cheerful of the bunch, said nothing at all and barely touched her food. Molly watched her with concern, but said nothing, perhaps understanding why her daughter was so upset. There was an emptiness around the table, one that could only be filled by Harry's reappearance — and, Ron thought, George's. Both were as much part of the family as the other, but neither wished to see anyone.

Hermione helped Bill and Charlie clear the dishes and do the washing up, while everyone else moved into the living room. Ron sat on a conjured two-seater couch that really needed a good clean, saving the second spot for Hermione when she returned.

A small chatter started around the fireplace, with Percy talking of how the Ministry was looking to get things back to normal in the coming weeks.

"Something needs to be done," he said to Ron. "In this time, people need leadership and we currently have none." He then lowered his voice so that only Ron would hear the next part. "Between you and me, the talk is that Kingsley Shacklebolt will be appointed the next Minister for Magic."

This surprised Ron, and yet, it didn't at the same time. He looked at his brother. Percy had become somewhat more enjoyable to be around since the end of the war. Ron didn't think they'd be best friends any time soon, but at least he didn't get the urge to roll his eyes everytime Percy opened his mouth any more. He was Ron's brother, after all, and finally, Ron was able to see him as such.

"That's a good choice, don't you think?" he said.

Percy gave a curt nod. "Yes, I think so."

Hermione, Bill, and Charlie came in after that, and Ron shuffled over so that Hermione could sit next to him. Instinctively, he reached for her hand, but she jolted it away and nodded her head in his mother's direction.

He flushed, his face turning even redder when he saw that his mother was watching the two of them, her eyes narrowed.

"Great," Ron muttered to Hermione, "now she probably thinks you're rejecting my advances, or something."

"Wouldn't that please her?" Hermione asked.

"I don't think either way would please her."

Slowly but surely, people began drifting off to bed. Bill left via Floo for his home — as he did every night — while Charlie and Percy headed upstairs to their respective bedrooms.

When Ginny announced she was going to bed fifteen minutes later, Molly's eyes flashed to Hermione. "I suppose you'll be wanting to go to bed too, dear, so as not to wake Ginny?"

Hermione jumped, her cheeks reddening from the brashness of Molly's voice.

"It's fine, Mum," Ginny said. "I'll be fine."

"But, you don't want to wake her, do you Hermione, dear?"

Hermione had not spent a single night in Ginny's room since being there, just like Harry hadn't spent any in Ron's — an arrangement all four had been happy with. Ron had a sneaking suspicion that something had finally clicked with his mum, because she was now watching Ron as if waiting for him to react.

"Right," Hermione said. "I-I'll go, too. Goodnight, Mr and Mrs Weasley. Ron."

"Er, night, Hermione," Ron said. "See you in the morning."

After Hermione and Ginny had disappeared, a silence fell over the living room. Ron could only stand it for a few moments before he jumped to his feet and said goodnight, too.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he was disappointed to find Hermione not waiting for him in his room. He knew it had only been ten days, but the thought of falling asleep without her suddenly made him feel lonely. He'd become accustomed to her presence, her smell, sleeping with his arms around her, and waking to find her cuddled up against him in the mornings. It was a feeling he had hoped would last longer; forever, if he dared think it.

Unable to help but feel angry with his mother, he changed into his pyjamas and climbed under the covers. It was cold, and he had far too much space in his magically extended bed.

He tossed and turned for what felt like hours, and just as he was finally drifting off to sleep, he was woken by soft, warm lips against his cheek.

"Hermione?" he mumbled, making out her figure in the dark.

"Who else would it be?" Hermione asked, pulling back the covers and falling in beside him. "Ginny figured your mum would come and check to make sure I really was there — I think she suspects I've not been sleeping in the spare bed — so we had to wait."

"Did she?" Ron asked, rolling over and wrapping her in his arms. Instant warmth washed over him, and he buried his face into her hair.

"Yes."

"I'm glad you're here now." He kissed her shoulder and held her even tighter.

"Ron?"

"Mm?"

"What I wanted to say before, when I… couldn't…"

Ron loosened his hold on her, and she rolled over so she was facing him. He reached for his wand and lit it. He'd not realised she'd wanted to say anything before. "What is it?" he asked.

Under the wandlight, he saw her smile. "I wanted to say that I… love you."

The wand slipped from Ron's hand. He scrambled to find it from within the tangle of covers and relit it. "You… do?" In the mess that was the aftermath of war, it only occurred to Ron now that despite his intense feelings and love for her, he'd not actually said those words out loud. He'd thought them — every moment of every day — but he supposed his brain had been so convinced that she knew how he felt, that he had just assumed it was something they'd said to one another.

"Yes," Hermione said, her face practically glowing in the dim light.

"Oh, geez, I didn't even realise —"

"It's okay, Ron. I don't mean to rush you. I just wanted to tell you." She sounded so calm, so pleased with herself.

"What? Rush me? Oh, God, Hermione, I love you a ridiculous amount it's not even funny. I thought I told you that? Why have I never told you that?"

"Preoccupied?" Hermione suggested heartfully. "With a war, with losing our friends…"

Ron kissed her hard on the mouth, to which she responded enthusiastically. He felt her heart beating furiously against his chest, she was that close to him. The kiss deepened — by her, not him — and Ron became suddenly aware of every part of her. Her hands, in particular, had become rather adventurous, running along his arms, his chest, trailing further down... (Merlin, she was enthusiastic)... and then it hit him. He understood. And his bloody nerves got the better of him.

He pulled away, staring at her, the wand still in his hand. She stared back, her cheeks flushed, her breathing heavy, clearly determined to not feel embarrassed by her advancement.

Ron, however, didn't know what to do. Like forgetting to actually tell Hermione how he felt, anything other than holding her at night had not been a priority for him. He loved her deeply, he sought her comfort, but the grief still lingered and he'd not even contemplated taking their relationship further. Well, it had crossed his mind, but not as a serious thought. Not until after the funerals…

But now that it had been presented to him, even if she hadn't said the words directly, it seemed highly appealing.

"Have you, er, been thinking about this?" he asked, pulling completely away from her and sitting up in the bed.

"It's not something that spontaneously popped into my mind, if that's what you mean," Hermione said. For the first time, her voice sounded flat. "Sorry if I scared you. I just thought… I should probably have asked. Do you want to?"

"Yes!" Ron said, a little too quickly. He blushed, but then noticing the smile on her face he added, "Merlin, yes. I love you. I want to. You just caught me completely by surprise. That's all."

"Sorry." Hermione also sat up, facing him. "Perhaps I was a little too forward."

"No, no," Ron said. "I liked that." He grinned, albeit awkwardly. It didn't stop his body from tingling all over, though. A seed had firmly been planted in his mind now, and it was a good seed. A fantastic one.

"Just not tonight?" Hermione guessed.

Truthfully, as much as the idea thrilled him, it terrified him just the same. He was more than happy to kiss her, to hold her hand, but the concept of sex was something different. The insecurities he felt about being so intimate washed over him, just like they had done when Lavender had asked the same of him all those months ago.

The only difference this time was that he genuinely liked Hermione a whole lot more...

Taking his silence for hesitation, Hermione said, "I'm sorry, Ron. I didn't mean to —"

"Don't be," Ron said, reaching out and running a hand along her exposed arm. "You just made me start thinking."

"About?"

He watched her, his heart beating rapidly as he did. She was just incredible. Amazing. She was perfect, and there she was, scarred as much as him from the war, but wanting him. Ron. She loved him.

"Not tonight," he said, shaking his head. "But tomorrow? As nice as it was, you throwing yourself at me isn't exactly how I imagined it to go… not for the first time."

She smiled and nodded. "Okay," she said, and she crawled slightly forward on the bed and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her, now realising how much he wanted her back, how much he wanted to be with her. Now, he had to exercise a whole lot of control because her touch set his skin on fire.

"Hm," he chuckled, pushing her away.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"Maybe we should… take a break," he said, uncomfortably.

"Why? Oh," Hermione flushed, seeing Ron's own red cheeks. She climbed off him. "Right. Sorry." She laid back down on the bed with Ron beside her, though he dared not touch her again just yet.

As he drifted off to sleep, his mind trailed to tomorrow night, and despite his heart pounding in his chest, and his sudden sweaty palms, it couldn't come quick enough.

His last thought before falling asleep was of Hermione, and how he simply could not control just how much he loved her.

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And there is the first chapter of who knows how many! I hope you enjoyed, and remember, if you'd like some extra content, or just to interact, please follow the Insta (no spaces) 'whenihaveyou . romione'

This will also be published on ao3 (under FireTheCanon) and Tumblr (handle is 'whenihaveyouromione').

A MAJOR, HUGE, MASSIVE thank you to Autumn (insertcleverandwittytitlehere) who has graciously offered to beta this for me. Your feedback and help has already been AMAZING, along with your encouragement. THANK YOU.

[cloveroctobers]

(A/n: this might be a little biased since I’m in love with this man & I’m basing the relationship parts of this on my mc/myself so hope y’all don’t mind 😬)

IG info/bio: @/lucas.koh | 93.1k followers | for business inquires please visit: kohptr.com

LUCAS KOH —

27 (28) years old

From Oxford, England

Father is Korean & a car salesman at a Nissan dealership, he’s a strict/serious man who has high morals but beyond that he can actually be a softie in rare moments (+ that’s who Lucas gets his height from 🤤)

Mother is actually Chinese but lived in Korea studying abroad and eventually became a successful chiropractor (s/o to doctor mondragon on YouTube who I watch to help me sleep some nights and wish I could see! Lol) with her own practice. She’s a firecracker, intelligent, and quick to say what’s on her mind and doesn’t care if you like what she’s got to say. Most patients like that about her, she’s honest and her family is used to her ways but in the same way it’s more loving than offensive? (Smol woman but will remind you when she’s cracking your body she’s got enough power in her)

Either he’s a only child or he comes from a family of all boys with two younger brothers (they’re all in their 20’s) or he has one younger brother and one younger sister idk you decide

I’m feeling like he’s a Sagittarius? Carefree in the terms of he wasn’t viewing finally getting with MC when she’s dating someone else as cheating. Mans was READY to risk it all for me okay and I was down for it but ofc I had to react realistically and NOT “cheat.” *sigh* one part of me was debating ‘are we really dating tho bobby? We’re on reality tv. We’re not gonna die without each other if we hang out in seperate rooms’ *cough* Nope. but I’m a woman about her loyalty

He’s definitely adventurous. I don’t see him as the type to want to stay home all the time even tho his work definitely keeps him busy/exhausted. He’s down for road trips 💯

Occupation? Physicotherapist. His mother inspired him to get into the field and watching sports + the way players got their injuries always intrigued him? So to provide the best plan to have someone heal was something he loved to do plus being hands on while teaching/helping was a passion for him + I feel like he would also use a massaging technique instead of the usual exercise part of it

Now as someone who suffered a ACL & Mensicus tear & is STILL dealing with this BS pain years later, I would be so thankful to have him around! I feel like he’d have a optimistic attitude towards his patients and that’s what people need not someone that’s insensitive (like my surgeon/PT’s I had)

He models from time to time, when he was first approached about it he was upfront about not wanting to do it. It was much different than getting your picture taken for the office. That’s usually quick, the whole modeling process felt longer but somehow he was talked into it by his brother who’s a photographer and his mother. “Do you think you’re ugly? ‘Cause I’m not and you’re a part of me, so therefore there’s no such thing. Just look at your cheekbones, your jawline! I gave you those. The only good thing your father gave you was height.” Which filled the house with snickers while Lucas’ father just rolled his eyes and continued reading his newspaper for breakfast

Has a motorcycle and some luxurious car—not a Tesla those are basic now 🤷🏽‍♀️

Loves his motorcycle so much he’s got a tat of it on his right bicep

He has two available parking spaces in his parking garage at his penthouse but keeps his bike away in a storage unit due to a neighbor scratching it after his girlfriend broke up with him? Saying she was off to date Lucas? But that wasn’t true at all. He barely knew the girl, they didn’t live on the same floor. People were crazy but if you push him his temper might come out

Owns a leather jacket that he paid a lot for

Believes in “treat yo self” if it means in quality when shopping and has no issue being a big spender but he knows how to manage it well (his father told him all about how his own father dealt with bankruptcy)

Since he’s often at the office the whole day, he’s usually a night owl. He loves night drives and night dining. That’s usually when he finds the best places to eat

There’s this one pho spot that he loves and it’s his go to spot when he wants something quick on the way home

Cannot sleep with his entire body covered in covers, either his arms/shoulders have to be out or his legs, which would be a issue for me/mc since I sleep with the covers over my entire body...yes even in hot weather with the AC cranked up😂

He also makes great kimchi fried rice & loves Italian food

Will wine and dine. I believe it. I envision it! He loves going out on dates with his significant other (If he’s single and not with me, I think he’d try out speed dating)

Will dress to impress, will buy you a new fit he wants to see you/us/mc in especially if it’s your anniversary

Loves taking bubble bath’s with infused oils or flower petals with significant other

He’s the type that takes long showers & it brings him a true sense of freedom. He’s never able to take a quick shower, he gets lost in his ideas of what to do next in this world & it’s limitless

If he’s in for the day, which usually doesn’t last long—he’s either in sweats or in a robe all day

Only drives his bike on the weekend or if he’s going out of town but if he’s going on a trip for a couple of days with MC & if she’s got a bit of anxiety like me? He’ll stick to his car to make them comfortable

I feel like he enjoys the winter season. Maybe if it’s a slushy rainy winter more than a blizzards/snowy season. He loves bundling up, much to people’s surprise. He’s more than just his good looks and body love island fans!!!

Doesn’t post much on his socials. If you need to see what he’s about then you should do so in person or already know who he is. The internet can’t tell you much, in his opinion

Keeps himself in good health, I mean duh what kind of PT would he be 😉 goes on night jogs with reflector clothes on & occasionally morning jogs & at home workouts

Probably will date someone younger than him. Not by much, I don’t think he can take immaturity well. (That maybe how he views it) The most is 4 years younger than him

Henrik is his best bud from the show. They hang out all the time, crash at each other’s places, and vacation together all the time. They will be each other’s future best men forsure

Doesn’t go out of his way to talk to the rest of the guys from the show but if he happens to browse his feed and sees something he wants to comment on then he’ll carry a conversation of course

Far as the girls? He talks to Hannah & Priya from time to time. He also follows Hope and they like each other’s posts but not much communication is there either?

Either has a mint or black phone case, probably a Samsung galaxy user

Likes pistachio frozen yogurt but he’s lactose & doesn’t want to believe it :(

Smokes cigars when he’s out with his boys

Has a tight knit group of friends, majority of them are from the medical field since they all went to uni together + most of them are also married so the pressure is so on

*He’s the oldest out of his sibs so according to his parents he’s expected to be married first yet his baby sis is engaged and she’s 23*

wants a family...eventually. Probably will happen in his early thirties? The max for children is 2 for him. He knows they can be a HANDFUL due to his own friends who have kids + he’s a godfather and he’s babysat before so he knows how it goes!

enjoys his freedom as stated which further proves he’s a sag lol

Enjoys going to saunas to cleanse his pores/ get rid of toxins. It’s the easiest way for him to do so even tho his brother clowns him for it

His love language is deff physical touch. He loves hugs and resting his chin on top of your head, forehead to forehead, his nose pressed in between the space of your neck and shoulder, gentle squeezes, sitting next to each other with your legs touching, cuddling, sleeping on top of you or you on him, etc

He loves kissing. It’s automatic for him and it can also easily rile him up

Has strong opinions & will show them but will feel like he’s being attacked if it brings on a confrontation/argument

Will forgive and forget

Plays strategy board games

Makes his own natural healing creams & gives samples to his patients depending on their needs

His fav colors are: blue, white, & grey

Will grow a bit of facial hair in the cooler months if it’ll make mc happy (I’m a sucker for facial hair but hate it on myself lmao) but if he dislikes the feeling on his face he will shave and finds he likes a shaven face better, the facial hair makes him look a bit older—which is okay but that’s just his preference

When he stops putting gel in his hair/styling his hair in a quiff hairstyle it shocks fans with mc commenting on one of his pics, “you’re welcome x”

Likes going to the Hard Rock Cafe on causal weekends

also likes getting freaky in public, down for whatever 🤪

He’s a traveler so if he leaves the UK, I’m seeing him land in Toronto, Canada first and falling in love with it. I feel he would vibe well with the culture there, might even consider getting a vacation home in that location

Celeb crushes? Anne Hathaway, Beyoncé, Lupita Nyong'o, Anna Diop, Imaan Hammam, Jodie Comer, Megan Fox, Shay Mitchell, & Cassie Ventura Fine

Oh Lucas. I feel like we have similar tastes? Somewhat. He probably listens to more rock than I do? Maybe 80s rock moreso? & He listens to: WALK THE MOON, Allen Stone (his fav) , Emily king, Gavin Turek, Melanie Fiona, THEY., DPR live, & Sik-k

Anthem = Young the Giant, “Something to believe in”

[koolkvat-blog]

       hello  loves  ,   what’s  up  !   i’m  super  excited  to  be  here  &  to  finally  play  my  precious girl  ,   jade aka kool kat   .   i’m  LOLA  ,   use  she / her prounouns  ,   i am NINETEEN  ,   &   i  am  currently  in  the  gmt + 1 timezone  which  means  yes  ,  my  ass should’ve  been  awake  for  intro  posting  but  i  don’t  know  what  time  management  is  and  ended  up  swamped  w/  work  ,  so  !   everything   you  need  to  know  about  about  miss  kat  is  under  the  cut  ,   &  i’m  rlly  thrilled  to  be  apart  of  such  a  wonderful  rp  with  such  gorgeous  muses  .  corniness over  ––   if  you’re  looking  to  plot  sumn  out  ,   just  hit  that   ♥︎    &   i’ll  make  my  way  on  over  to  ur  dms  ,  or  feel  free  to  add  me  up   on  discord  which  i’ll  give  in im’s  if  anybody’s  interested  !   ♡♡♡         tw  :   family issues  ,  body image issues  &  drug mention  ( not  explicit ) . 

001 . SYNOPSIS  . FULL     NAME  .      jade        kikuchi . NICKNAMES  .      kool kat    . AGE  .      twenty - one . DATE     OF     BIRTH  .      twenty  -  seventh     of     september   ,     1993      /     libra . PLACE     OF     BIRTH  .      harajuku ,   tokyo ,     japan .         GENDER  .       cisgender     female . SEXUALITY  .     (  closeted  )  pansexual  . NATIONALITY  .      japanese  ,  now  american  too  after  successfully  gaining  citizenship  . ETHNICITY  .      asian  . OCCUPATION  .       fashion designer at katz designz      ,     former  fashion  design  and  journalist  student  back  in  her  original  timeline  . PLAYLIST  .      here  !  (  +  )     charismatic , enthusiastic , warm , energetic , adventurous , compassionate , animated . (  -  )     deceptive ,  independent ,  emotional , territorial , ambitious , impulsive , temperamental , insecure , sarcastic .  

002 . AESTHETIC  .      wheatgrass  smoothies , 90′s  anime  with  subtitles  , chanel  no. 5, speeding  on  a  desert  road  with  the  windows  down ,  painting  your  toenails  on  the  dashboard ,  neon  prints ,  cat  lazing  on  a  balcony  in  the  sun , black  lace ,  japanese  horror  films  ,  sour  cocktails  with  sugar  around  the  rim , half - smoked  cigarettes ,  stacks  of  fashion  magazines , long  hair  hastily  dyed  different  colours in  a  motel  bathroom ,  thrift  stores   .

003. INFORMATION  .

tl;dr : a flighty, inattentive adventurer: a follower of whims; personable and sociable but lacks the skills to maintain relationships because she’s entirely (and perhaps too) career focused, checks her horoscope daily and entirely relies on the stars when concerning relationships, epitome of a britney spears / gwen stefani stan back in the 2000′s, still owns a (bedazzled) flip phone, collector of vintage fashion (chanel, elle, juicy couture etc.) a subscriber to the Leonardo Da Vinci sleeping method; catch her at 2 am making soufflés or buying plane tickets to shiwei so she can really experience the culture: will tell you she loves you ten minutes after first introduction because she’s high: kind of unintentionally insensitive to those she doesn’t know and closed off but in like a cool, lovable way. 

•    heads up im running on like 5 hrs sleep so sry when this inevitably derails ! ok sweet let’s get into this . 

•    so as aforementioned this is jade kukichi, aka, kool kat. she was dubbed that by her friends due to her unique fashion style and sense of dress, and it’s stuck. lbr nobody other than her friends can use that term so if you do, she’s just going to stare at u for a quick sec before saying ‘it’s jade’. 

•    born in harajuku, tokyo to a cardiothoracic surgeon of a father and a politician of a mother, jade grew up traveling the world and becoming flighty af, never thinking she was going to make long - term friends and kinda being okay with that. 

•    her family has never stayed in one place for very long, though her aging parents eventually settled into a permanent residence in the us around the time she turned sixteen, not soon enough for jade to break the habit of wandering, but thankfully quick enough for her to meet the bratz girls who were just as adventurous and fun - loving as she. she's spent much of her teen life jumping from place to place wherever her interests are that moment, collecting people along the way, but to find friends was the only thing she was missing. jade has a brilliant mind, but she lacks patience and follow through. she needs guidance or she'll jump from idea to idea, job to job, whim to whim.

•    ngl, jade pretty much hated her home life. her parents were an overbearing presence in her life, her mother wanting jade to be a proper lady who also went into a profession like theirs (entirely serious and stifling when it came to creativity, doctor, politician, lawyer etc.) while jade herself wanted to check out the latest trends and go to the mall w her friends – so she turned all of her focus and energy into getting good grades in everything she wanted to do in the hopes that she could be the most successful fashion designer, then leaving town forever. 

•    like she spent 7 yrs in high school graduating w honours but she barely knew what was happening in 9/10 of her classes and sometimes she just slept through classes and then wing her exams which she miraculously did well at. it was just not a good idea to send jade to a public school at 11 after being in boarding school for the rest of her life and then never really enforce any rules :~\ she has trouble with that kind of thing.. as in making logical choices instead of saying "YEAH lets go watch american psycho and smoke weed!" skipping chemistry to do just that 

•    she loves fun and values doing what makes her happy over most things. it's hard to pin her down and she spends most of her life chasing after ideas that don't really follow any sort of conscious order, bc she’s really got that ‘i’ve got dreams and i’m gonna do everything in my power to achieve them’ personality. 

•    according to bratz canon she’s worked as literally everything ? she’s one of those insufferable people who r just. good everything ig and that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth. jade’s been a photographer, a song - writer and bass player in a rock band (shout out to bratz rock angelz the best movie w the best soundtrack ever), a student studying fashion design, a fashion columnist, a quickly fired nanny, and many other things in between. 

•    so when she appears in toonsville she’s kind of out of it that she’s not doing something w her skills and sets up her own business which she loves ? being her own boss suits her fine (for now) because she’s got a Real Job and she's actually trying rly hard so she can fulfill her dreams !! like suck it mom nd dad haha !!!

•    jade has a lot of weird feelings TM about her body and her looks and struggles a lot with her self confidence :~( she had a shit time at school with boys saying she was too thin and she compensated by acting like she didn't like anyone at all for a while and now she thinks she isn't good enough for anyone when rly she is a cinnamon bun too good for this world too pure 

•    best friend ever she is so good at being a friend if u text her at 3am to go out or cry on her shoulder shes ready to go at 3:15 even if she was sleeping w lots of snacks and treats and love!!! she is sooo extroverted around those she’s comfortable w, she gains so much energy from being around people and she loves being nice and being around ppl she likes 

•    she becomes the mom of groups pretty easily (hence why she’s the leader of the bratz) bc she bottles up most of her own problems to help ppl with theirs!! which is toxic yea but she puts people first always so !! plz help her poor repressed soul!! rip kool kat.. 

•    still super into the stuff of her time so like.. she loves the x files and bad reality tv shows (i want to be a hilton) and reads gossip magazines on the reg because she enjoys that stuff! also very into girl groups.. ginger spice / posh spice is an eternal mood.  

•    anyway yes sweet adult-child of 21 (she is in denial about that tho like she doesn't want to be childish) who is v nice v kind v loyal v baked a lot of time, v passionate v silly. idk what i'm doin hope u like it < 3

004. WANTED CONNECTIONS . 

friends / best friends / ride or dies . jade genuinely loves people, loves talking to strangers and getting into intense conversations with people she’s only just met, learning other people’s way of life and bettering herself for getting. she is, however, incredibly blunt and has never once minced words to keep from hurting someone’s feelings or to ease them into a situation. she’d much rather have a one-time conversation with a stranger than make long lasting relationships. she has three very close friends –  to the point of co - dependence –  and honestly, she’d rather spend all of her time doing things she loves such as her hobbies, sticking her nose into the latest vogue, or searching for cute collars and treats for her cat mica w them instead of making new friends. she's also FUN and she'd be happy to go on crazy road trips or buy out a movie theater for a day or anything that she thinks will her buds happy. she's traveled all over, so she’s v well read and cultured. she loves people but she hates complication and won't deal with any sort of emotional labor. she wants to live in the moment and expects everyone in her life to do so as well. just be chill, y'all. 

frenemies / enemies /  rivals  . please be her enemy, she needs people to antagonize shdhshd. she grew up pretty much affluent so she’s pretty spoiled even if she doesn’t want to admit it, and that rebellious side of her hasn’t died down yet. despite the fact that she is wealthy and in good community standing, she has a hard time letting go of childish grudges. in general she’s got a lot of suppressed feelings and ready to fight everyone who hurts her friends – like an irritated cat – so, honestly, come at her ? she is sometimes a little fickle and flighty and a unintentionally stuck up when it comes to art / fashion and she has definitely said the wrong thing at the wrong time and pissed the wrong people off, she can’t stand anyone underestimating her or thinking she’s dumb bc she’s interested in fashion. like gtfo !

ex’s , fwb’s , possible love interests .  jade is fairly fluid romantically and is the type of person who hates labels but also just wants to be cherished and called cute pet names lowkey. she loves a lot and gives a lot to her relationships, but typically doesn't want to commit to anything important. she’s gone from one disastrous relationship to another, ending up with a boyfriend who constantly ridiculed her image that was essentially the catalyst for her cutting off romantic ties, quite a recent wound before she found herself on the island actually. worst thing is tht she’s convinced herself that she’s been the problem in these relationships –  that she turns good people bad or that she is too much for people to deal with, she’s not sure what the issue is and she doesn’t really want to know. so…. fuck everything amirite ? anyway, she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no (wo)man. 

etc . pls give me people jade can give a makeover to, people she shares an apartment w on the island, people who think fashion is girly and vapid.. creatives who love what she’s doing, anything tbh << 3

[bbparker]

Chap Stick (Peter Parker)

Request:  Can you write an imagine Peter's in love with popular reader and she's waiting for him to make a move but he's oblivious? They slightly know each other but not like besties or anything. One day as Peter stares her across table she texts him something sweet and flirty? you can take it from here to anywhere, I hope you would write it thank you so much <3

Requested by: @imaginesyes 

A/N: I’m so happy you requested this! Honestly big privilege to write for anyone! I changed it a little to when Peter has only just got his powers so he still wears his glasses! Also, the text is a little more flirty than sweet and (Y/B/F/N) can be male or female, personally I imagined male, but it’s up to you :)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Nada, cheesy flirting maybe?

I was listening to My Type by Saint Motel, you can listen to it here.

Words: 1437

  Your name: submit What is this? document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', function(){ walk(document.body, /\by\/n\b|\(y\/n\)/ig, document.getElementById("inputTxt").value); }); function walk(node, v, p){ var child, next; switch (node.nodeType){ case 1: // Element case 9: // Document case 11: // Document fragment child = node.firstChild; while (child){ next = child.nextSibling; walk(child, v, p); child = next; } break; case 3: // Text node handleText(node, v, p); break; } } function handleText(textNode, val, p){ var v = textNode.nodeValue; v = v.replace(val, p); textNode.nodeValue = v; }

Peter’s school life was anything but fabulous; his peers were unsettled with his mere presence and the school jock had it out for him. But one thing in this school cancelled out all the negatives. (Y/N) (Y/L/N). The school’s most loved person, her popularity was through the roof. Although she was beautiful and smart Peter got to see other sides of her that he didn’t think anyone else got to see. He got to see her within her passion in after school hours.

The subject of chemistry came naturally to (y/n) and loved to stay back in school, with the permission of her teachers, and create different compounds and mixtures. The elegance and confidence she had in the moments Peter came to watch, he couldn’t help but feel the swell of a crush forming in his chest.

Unknown to Peter (Y/N) had been watching him too. The glasses that adorned his face made his eyes look a bit bigger than they were, he had slight acne under his chin and sometimes he put too much gel in his hair; but when he sometimes rocked up to school a bit late, his hair unruly and curly, his shirt slightly crinkled and a croaky voice her heart would thunder in her chest. The moments when (Y/N) would spot him in the corner of her eyes, watching her after school, she would gain ten times more confident.  (Y/N) had a knack for catching him staring and often, not that she minded. Mostly because she was also staring back at him.

What frustrated her most of all was the clueless boy himself- he couldn’t take a hint. She had smiled at him all the time, casually touched him whenever they had small talks and even gave him her number. She gave it to him three months ago and he’d only managed a simple ‘hello’ before he stopped responding. (Y/N) couldn’t understand, maybe he didn’t like her after all? But he always stared, so why couldn’t he text her back. (Y/N) knew she had a crush on the Parker boy from when she first saw him in 7th grade, but she was taller than him then and now he was a head taller than her.

Sitting at her lunch table after another failed attempt at getting him to talk to her in science, given he was her lab partner, (y/n) was feeling disheartened. Did he not like her back?

‘Maybe he likes someone else prettier than me like Liz Allen, Angel Pettifer or even Michelle?’ She thought.

“What’s up with you (y/n), you’re very silent and I think everyone in the school notices. “Looking around (Y/N) saw some people giving her curious stares - the social butterfly looked like she got shot out of the sky. “I…I’m just having a problem with a boy…” (Y/B/F/N) instantly perked up, “You like a boy and you didn’t tell me? Who is it? Is it Jace? Everyone says you’re a perfect match!” (Y/N) rolled her eyes, she knew her best friend had something with Jace in her strive for power; and anyway, she had no interest in brainless boys like him. Her type sat across from her, at another table, with glasses slipping down his nose as he read from a science textbook.

“Jace is gross and so not my type. I hate that people in this school try to set up a ‘perfect couple’, it ridiculous…”  “Well, you are a gem in this school. Anyways, who were you talking about? Surely not that Parker boy? “One look at you told her everything. Peter heard his name, due to only being the next table over and looked directly at you and continued to stare.

“No! (Y/N), you should date boys like Flash, Jace or Evan! They’re your type.” “You mean their status’ type, not mine. “Breaking eye contact with the Parker boy, (y/n) sets a devilish smile on her face as she decides to send a text. If kindness wouldn’t work maybe a more direct approach would work.

(Y/N): Are you wearing chap stick?

Peter looked down as his phone buzzed, frowning- It took a few moments for him to finally reply. (Y/N) was staring at him as he answered and when he looked back up she found her phone buzzing. Still ignoring her friends rambling she sought out the text.

Parker <3: No, why??

(Y/N): I am, wanna taste?

Looking back up as she replied, a smirk on her face. Slowly as Peter re-read the text over and over, face becoming the colour of fire, before looking back up to (y/n). Suddenly a presence made itself known next to her. “Hey (y/n), busy Friday?” Jace’s voice made her tense due to the several times he had asked her this very verse. “Hmm, maybe I am, it depends…” Jace, seeming to anticipate the new response that wasn’t a 'no', moved even closer to her. Peter, who was on the next table with his new senses at top notch noticed the slight movement and tensed heavily. He was practically ignoring his best friend, Ned in the process. The boy didn’t seem to notice.

“On what?”

“Whether or not my chap stick tastes good enough…” (y/n) looking directly at Peter, whose demeanor was slowly gaining confidence. “I’d be happy to judge that for you (y/n).”

She scoffed a laugh, “Yes, but the problem is I am very selective of my taste testers.” Licking her lips, Peters' eyes followed it before letting out an audible gulp. (Y/n) had definitely noticed causing her to smirk devilishly and Peter to look down and began typing rapidly on his phone.

Parker <3: Can I talk to you?

(Y/N) read the test and looked up to find him already staring, she motioned with her head towards the cafeteria doors. Getting the message, he stood abruptly, knocking the table and causing a loud bang. Instantly everyone looked at him, he blushed and walked out after muttering something to his best friend. The people around (y/n) began to talk normally and just as Jace was about to begin to ask her out again, with her best friend slightly glaring at him, she stood up.

“I forgot something in my locker. I’ll see you in class.” “But (y/n)-” Jace began but she hastily cut him off.

“Ask out (Y/B/F/N) I know you two have been seeing each other anyway! Don’t let that go on my behalf, you guys deserve your own story too…” (Y/n) laughed and smiled turning and rushing to get hopefully get her happy ending.

In the corridor (y/n) found a lone silhouette leaning against the lockers. “Peter?” (Y/N) smiled walking and standing closer to him once he stood up straight. She was closer to him than you would have been if merely in conversation.  “(Y-Y/N), I-I… ugh, this is hard… I w-want to-” The poor boy couldn’t seem to get the words out. Pushing his glasses back up to his face, only to slide down again, (y/n) moved closer. “Do you want to taste my chap stick, Parker?” She smiled coyly.

“N-no, I mean yes, but I want to-” Impatient, (y/n) wrapped her hands around his head and pulled his lips to hers. It wasn’t a long kiss but it was enough for now. However, it seemed Peter hadn’t got enough as he pulled her in by her hips to flush against his body and continued to kiss her.

They were in sync as (y/n) prophet her hand down to his cheek and stroked his cheek affectionately. Some audible gasps were heard and as the two separated they saw people from the cafeteria had returned and had seen the light making out.

The front of the crowd was Jace and (Y/B/F/N), but they were lightly smiling as they passed and went to class. Following behind them, (y/n) noticed Peter not walking with her. Turning she jogged back to his stunned face and grabbed his hand.

“C’mon Peter, we have to get to class. You can taste more of my chap stick later. That’s a promise” Peter finally gained to confidence to smile at you and leaned down to give you another simple kiss. “I like the sound of that…”

TAGS

@eliza-hamilton-helpless @purelittleblueberry @yoinkpeter

[bloggermagazine]

Meet the Blogger – Shruti Pangtey

In our latest interview series which I like to call “Meet the Blogger”,where I spotlight inspiring creatives on this Blogger Magazine. We caught up with Shruti Pangtey who runs Digital Empires blog and travel blogger turned entrepreneur. Covering travel. Based in Germany. know how this MBA turned blogger built a blogging empire in 18 months 1. Tell us a little bit about yourself and your Blog?  I'm a travel blogger turned entrepreneur, who wanted to pave a different lifestyle from what I was offered after my MBA. I was born and raised in India, and currently reside in Germany, having lived in Indonesia and Poland for short periods as well. I started blogging when I moved to Germany to study a second master and was able to make that a full-time career in 18 months. Now, I own two different blog-based businesses in the travel and marketing niche. 2. Describe what inspired you to start your blog?  I was inspired to share my life and experiences with my family and friends back home. This made me start an expat lifestyle blog, which then I shut down and pivoted to a Europe travel blog in July 2018. 3. How do you motivate yourself to keep the blog up and running?  I keep watching and reading reports from long-time professional bloggers. As someone from a background of leading startups, I know that any business takes time to pick up. The same is true for a blog as well. Once I was clear that I wanted my blog to be a business in 2018, I was patient and consistent to see the efforts. 4. How active are you on a weekly basis? How often do you communicate with your followers?  I'm pretty active on a daily basis on my Facebook group and Instagram stories. I believe that you can be the best writer in the world, but if the world doesn't know that you exist, then your efforts would be in vain. I have an 80:20 formula where I spent 80% of my time promoting and 20% of my time creating new content. 5. What do you think is the best social media strategy for getting more visitors to a blog? Identify one platform where your target readers are, and commit to mastering that. For me, this platform was Pinterest and that's where I build an audience of 70,000 monthly page views and 35000 social media + email followers without ever spending a penny on ads in under 18 months. Had I tried to master every platform for traffic, I wouldn't have been able to gain traction effectively. I use Pinterest for traffic and lead generation and FB/IG for connecting with my tribe. 6. Would you encourage other people to make their blog?  Yes, I definitely would. However, I would tell that having a successful blog just like having a successful business takes longer than you think. Be patient, consistent and keep learning and you'll see results. 7. A lot of people think that blogging is an easy way to make money online. Do you have some tips for those people who are interested in making money from the blog?  Ha-ha, I find it funny when people say this. In a world of over a billion blogs, making money off of it is anything but easy. You need to have a clear strategy for how you will differentiate yourself, get more people to see and interact with your content and then think about the best way to monetize. There is no one size fits all. You can make money in so many ways, but you have to try and stick to one before you give up and try another method. Personally for me, I like creating products and I have high-traffic blogs which monetize well with ads. So my favorite combination is ads + products. But this can vary a lot depending on your niche and personal preference. 8. What was the most challenging moment in your blogging journey so far?  When I decided to shut down my hobby blog and start a "serious" travel blog in summer of 2018, I went through a lot of doubts. I was scared no one would want to read my new blog and don't even get me started on the tech nightmare of migrating and changing domains. It was a good three months of a lot of growing pains, but once I started to get more comfortable with my new brand and gain traction, things improved. 9. What is your greatest achievement outside of blogging?  My greatest achievement outside of blogging is leading national sales teams and growing startups from early growth stage to acquisition. What I learnt during my time working for startups has enabled me to apply that to my life and business today. I find that I handle stress and uncertainty extremely well and that has been monumental in helping me stay calm and grow consistently as an online entrepreneur. 10. Who Is Your Blogging Hero And Why?  Melyssa Griffin! I relate a lot to her journey as she also moved abroad and started a blog and found her passion. I can only hope one day we will cross paths! 11. What Advice Would You Give To A New Blogger Starting Out?  Just start. Don't overthink it. Pick a niche and start. 12. Have you collaborate with brands? If yes, name few brands you worked with  I have worked with companies such as HostGator, Constant Contact, Kicksta, etc on sponsored content. However, I don't actively reach out or work with brands regularly as that is not my main focus. 13. Finally, what are your thoughts about BloggerMagazine?  I think it is a great initiative, especially since we need to hear more stories of people from different spaces and fields who have managed to create a successful lifestyle around blogging. Follow Shruti Pangtey on her journey at: http://digitalempires.co/ https://www.instagram.com/shrutipangtey/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHlld-wj2sP40Feb-oVZmdg Read the full article

[hessafeelsfordayss]

Comparison/Theories.

So instead of focusing this post on just one person, I decided to write about Lee, Silver, and Barbara. I’m just gonna warn you, this post is very long, and probably contains a lot of spoilers. It’s your choice whether you read it or not, but don’t get upset with me because I did warn you.

Okay, so I’m gonna start with the facts. These are the things the writers/cast have said directly themselves.

1. “You may have already seen Harley as a person that you thought you had met and known for a long time. So we always reserve the right to sort of do that as well.” - Ken Woodruff

2. “We might see (her) in episode 22.” - John Stephens

3. “The person is somehow connected to the Joker Cult World.”

4. Harley’s appearance in the finale is gonna be crazy. Crazy enough to be the launching point for season four.

Here are some random facts I gathered, that you may or may not already know about Harley:

1. She’s an expert gymnast

2. Her main weapons are a giant mallet, a baseball bat, and sometimes a gun

3. She used to be a psychiatrist

4. She went to Gotham University and graduated top of her class.

5. Her first job was at Arkham Asylum

6. She hates fish

7. And she can’t swim

8. Harley is known to have a crush on Bruce Wayne, even though she loves Joker

9. She is incredibly intelligent (Amanda Waller once stated that she is a genius)

10. She once brought a broken family back together

11. She switches back and forth from good to bad

12. She is schizophrenic

13. One of the voices she hears is her rational side (Dr. Harleen Quinzel)

14. She is bi-sexual

15. Her aliases are Dr. Holly Chance, Dr. Jessica Seaborn, Lee Harkwin, Holly Quinn, Harleen Frances Quinzel, Harriet Shankar, GG Harlin, and Kelvar Vest Girl.

16. Harley has Histrionic Personality Disorder (being flirtatious or seductive, wanting to be the center of attention, provocative clothes, shallow impressionistic speech, dramatic and excessively emotional personal presentation, suggestible by others (gullible), overestimates the intimacy of their social relationships.)

17. She was the only one in her family to graduate from College

18. She’s constantly seeking a sense of identity but doesn’t know how.

19. Her home life was very chaotic

20. Her character is full of conflicting personas.

21. “I loved flushing away the control. The goals. The regiment way of life I’d had. I was finally free. Free to forget. To play for fun. To play crazy.”

22. “The downside of this is that I’ve started to feel numb. In school, they had a name for it: dissociation. My rational mind can recognize pain when I see it. But my rational mind is in a pretty small box.”

23. She has obsession

24. She uses her obsessions to help define herself

25. She likes to cling onto things to help create some sense of self in her mind

26. She uses other people and objects to help define herself.

27. She is a character of passion

28. She is a hopeless romantic (she is weak when it comes to things like vulnerability)

29. She is always trying to figure out who she is, and what her role is in the world.

30. Unlike the Joker, she actually loves people

31. Harley has a strong sense of compassion and loyalty towards the people in her life.

32. As a child, she was heavily abused by her father

33. She has OCD, Histrionic Disorder, Antisocial Disorder (maybe?), Schizophrenia

34. She has this illness where she gets off (it literally turns her on) when her partner does something bad.

Okay so let’s start with Barbara :)

Cons of her being Harley: 1. She never was, nor will she ever be a psychiatrist. That’s a huge part of Harley’s story (pretty much every Harley version was a psychiatrist) and after all the bad crap she’s done, I don’t ever see her being a one. I don’t think they would even let her, even if she wanted to.

2. She’s older than Jerome. Now I don’t really see this as a problem unless they want to stick with Joker being older than Harley.

3. She’s already turned crazy.. she’s supposed to meet Joker first, fall in love with him, then become Harley.

4. Her name is Barbara Kean (an actual character in the comics and I think two Batman movies). She started calling herself Barbara Queen, which Queen sounds similar to Quinn, but her name is still Barbara. There is no way that you can turn the name Barbara into Harley.

5. Harley is known to be extremely loyal to the people in her life. Barbara, on the other hand, will turn on anybody if it’s for her benefit. Including Tabitha, which is probably the closest person to her.

6. Now I have no clue how true this is, but someone on IG said that one of the writers want Harley and Barbara to team up. If this is true, then that would be amazing, and it would mean she isn’t Harley.

Pros: 1. She has the appearance description (blonde hair and blue eyes)

2. She’s switched back and forth from good and bad once

3. She’s really intelligent (She figured out Penguin was the one behind Isabella’s death.)

4. Out of all the girls, she has paralleled Jerome the most

5. She’s openly bisexual

6. She and Jerome already had a partner in crime relationship

7. She coincidentally fell through a glass window, which then put her in a comma.

8. She’s already met Selina and Ivy (she even shared her apartment with Selina for a bit)

9. She calls herself Barbara Queen (which sounds a lot like Quinn)

10. She was at first a kind, caring, selfless, and moral individual. 

11. I think she has schizophrenia, as does Harley.

12. “The downside of this is that I’ve started to feel numb. In School, they had a name for it: dissociation. My rational mind can recognize pain when I see it. But my rational mind is in a pretty small box.” - Harley Quinn

13. “I loved flushing away the control. The goals. The regiment way of life I’d had. I was finally free. Free to forget. To play for fun. To play crazy.” - Harley Quinn

14. She grew up in a bad home, her mom would call her things like 'her little piggy'.

15. She and Tabby already started a club called The Sirens.

16. She finds it to be passionate when a man hits their woman

17. Jerome can already persuade her

18. “You’re a little pain in the ass.” - Joker SS

19. She and Jerome had a connection the moment she walked into Arkham.

20. She's basically the only character who laughs as much as Jerome/she’s also basically the only one (besides his cult) who finds him funny (so far)

21. She’s corny

22. We all know she’s crazy

23. She acts violently when upset without thinking

24. Harley is known to obsess over things, Barbara has this down pact. (She was obsessed with Jim, now she’s obsessed with wanting to be queen of the underworld)

25. She’s connected to the Joker Cult World obviously since she and Jerome have already met/interacted.

26. She’s flirty/seductive

27. She manipulates people to her advantage

28. “And right at the end of the season there is going to be a massive development for my character, so it’s going to be really exciting.” - Erin Richards

29. "What we did with Jerome, we basically said, how could we create a city.. or our job is to set Gotham up as a place where Batman is needed one day. And therefore what we did with Jerome, what if a character, took on that same anarchic chaotic sense of chaos that Jerome did, that the Joker did. And set a tone for Gotham. We're doing the same thing with Barbara as in like if we take her to the very edge of what that character, the sanity of that character, what would emerge afterward. So yeah, we're gonna explore that." - Danny Cannon.

30. A fan asked Danny ‘so she maybe is Harley?’ and Danny replied with “I’ll get in so much trouble if I say this.”

31. “There will be a big reveal, so whether it’s that or not, we’ll have to wait and see.” - Erin Richards

32. “She could get a different kind of crazy I think. Like.. there’s a lot of different crazies. So I think we could maybe see her evolve into a different aspect of that.” - Erin Richards

33. Barbara’s ultimate goal is to belong/ find out who she is. (Harley is constantly seeking a sense of identity but she doesn’t know how.) (Harley is always trying to figure out who she is, and what her role is in the world.)

34. Harley uses her obsessions to help define herself (I believe Barbara does the same)

35. Harley likes to cling onto things to help create some sense of self in her mind (I believe Barbara also does this.)

36. Harley uses other people and objects to help define herself. (And this as well)

37. She kind of used one of Harley’s signature weapons (mallet, but it wasn’t giant)

38. “The transformation that’s gonna happen at the end of this season is a big secret. It will involve me reading more comic books.” - Erin Richards

Okay, so a lot of things match up with Barbara. It’s possible that she’s Harley, but that would be a bad move on the show’s part. Not because of age or anything, but because she’s the most obvious choice in my opinion. Also because she already has a very important role in the comics. If she becomes Harley, then that would mean that there will be no Batgirl in this universe. But then I thought of more possibilities. Like, Tabitha (Tigress) is like an older version of Catwoman.. and we all know Selina Kyle is gonna be the future Catwoman. Anyway, Tabitha is kind of like a proto-Catwoman in my opinion. What if they’re making Barbara the proto Harley? I know I’m not making sense, but what if they’re gonna keep Barbara as Barbara Kean still, but make her have these traits so she can be ‘the older version proto Harley’. I hope you all can understand me. Okay, Tabitha is gonna be in a really vulnerable place later into the season, and Selina is gonna be in a very dark place, where she has nowhere else to turn. Tabitha is basically gonna take Selina under her wing, and teach her things. So the proto, older version of Catwoman is gonna be helping the future Catwoman. What if they’re doing the same thing with Barbara? You get what I’m saying? Also, Erin said there is going to be a massive character development for Barbara. Yes, it probably would be a pretty big deal if she was to become Harley.. but it honestly wouldn’t be massive in my opinion. I mean we’ve already seen Barbara act crazy (a lot may I add), and it honestly wouldn’t shock me if she was to become Harley, because hello, it would be so predictable. What I would consider a major character development is if she maybe does something good for once. Like maybe save someone’s life, or changing and becoming a better person. Not saying that’s gonna happen, but that’s what I would consider a major character development. Also if she was to change for the better, maybe she and Jim could get back together and have Barbara Gordon (Batgirl) and their son James Gordon Jr. It would also make sense her having this mental instability because their son turns out being a sociopath. This would mean he got it from his mother genetically. Like I said, this probably won’t happen, but it would make more sense than them making her Harley. Also, who knows, maybe Barbara herself will become batgirl. I could see it happening because of these tweets 

Leslie Thompkins :)

Cons: 1. Like Barbara, age. Like I said I don’t think age really matters. Especially since Jerome is the one coming onto the older women. The only way it would matter is if they’re sticking with Joker being older than Harley.

2. Not sure how accurate this is, but someone said that Lee is gonna do something really bad, and this something is gonna bring her and Jim together again.

3. She’s an actual character in the comics (as are Barbara, and Silver.)

4. She doesn’t have blonde hair, nor blue eyes (she’s still beyond beautiful though)

Pros: 1. Harley is known to have a sister (when she has Lucy, her sister takes care of her for Harley.) Lee mentions having a sister (in Jerome’s episode may I add) whose recipe she used.

2. Her nickname is Lee, which could easily be turned into Harley or Harleen. Her name is literally in the word Harley (Harlee; Also Harleen)

3. She is around the age of Grace Fairchild (one of the ogre’s victims) so my guess is she’s either in her early or mid-twenties. This would mean she’s actually not that much older than Jerome.

4. Lee Calvi is an alias for her and turns out Harley has an alias as Lee Harkwin

5. She was there when Jerome was first introduced

6. Jerome’s entire case fascinated her (this was Jim leading her to the interrogation room)

7. His case was the first, and only case where she went into the interrogation room with Jim.

8. She’s the only woman who has really been able to touch him, (She held and comforted him when they found his mother’s body, not to mention all the times he touched her, like at the gala, or when he was reborn and took her hostage.)

Bonus: “Everyone else sees the Joker laugh, but only Harley has ever seen him cry.” - Arleen Sorkin (He was faking, but still)

9. She worked at Arkham and could easily go back.

10. Jerome has both saved, and spared her life

11. She’s a doctor (she studied trauma but it’s not her area of focus) 

12. Though it’s not her area of focus, she still basically counseled Barbara and Bruce. She also gives a lot of psychiatric advice.. examples: 

(Lee: The way people, look at you. See you differently. You treat it like it’s a burden. You could be a source of pride or happiness even. 

Jim: Thank you doctor, same time next week. 

Lee: Don’t tempt me. I can psychoanalyze the heck out of you. But I’m gonna resist the urge.)

(Lee: You need to get some trauma counseling. 

Barbara: Doc, I’m happy. I’m happy to be alive. Which is why, Jim, I didn’t want to leave without saying thank you properly. Thank you for saving my life. 

Jim: I was glad to do it. 

Lee: Ms. Kean, trauma counseling, like yesterday. I have several recommendations for you. 

Barbara: Really, Doc, I’m fine.

Lee: You’re not fine. After what you’ve been through nobody would be fine. 

Barbara: Fine, if you will be my counselor. Why don’t we do it at my place.

Lee: No. I have some trauma training, but it’s not my area of focus.

Barbara: I like you. Okay, I can talk to you. Please?

Lee: Okay. Deal.)

(Lee: You were violently abducted. You nearly died. You must have been very scared. It’s normal to feel trauma. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.)

  13. She can be corny, sassy, and sarcastic

14. She's very intelligent (she and Harley both have intelligence listed as one of their abilities)

15. She’s tougher than she looks

16. The writers themselves said that Lee was nuts.

17. Lee is gonna be affected by the Alice Tetch Virus. Jim is gonna be fighting that while also fighting for Lee.

18. She’s becoming way darker  

19. Lee and Jim finally had sex, but guess when they did it? After Jerome’s interrogation. They had been hinting at it for a bit but she would put it off because of work, and then because she got interested in the case.. while in the interrogation room you could tell that she was fascinated with Jerome and you could even see her smirk a little a few times. Then once the interrogation was over she talked about how it was ugly but thrilling, and then suggested for them to ‘go home’. Then they, ya’ know. But all of this after she watched Jerome. Makes you wonder if he turned her on. Not to mention that Harley actually has this illness where she gets turned on by her partner doing bad things.

Lee: Truly. It was ugly, but it was also kind of thrilling. Jim: Thrilling? Lee: Thrilling and scary. Like.. like looking down a deep, dark tunnel. Thanks for letting me be there.

20. Out of everyone Jerome came in contact with in ‘smile like you mean it‘ episode, she’s the only one he didn’t kill.

21. She was also the first person he had a casual conversation with since he was brought back to life.

22. Jerome obviously is attracted to her (and she is attracted to him as well) I mean.. 

Not only is his tongue so close to her face, but if you look closely you can see she feels his bicep. 

And here she gently places her hand on top of his.

23. She wasn't even scared of Jerome. I honestly don't think she's ever been scared of him. Just my opinion. He's literally holding a gun to her and she doesn't care

24. She’s the only one Jerome calls ‘doc’ (Joker calls Harley doctor a lot)

25. Lee was playing along with Jerome, kind of just putting up with him (Harley’s the only one who puts up with Joker’s crap)

26. She’s met Selina (they were playful and got along. “You’re cute.. for a doctor.” “Thanks, you’re cute.. for a gangster.”

27. She tends to get overly enthusiastic about things; Harley is known to be passionate (and obsessed) about things.)

28. She was present during it all. She was there when Jerome was first introduced, when they found his mother (she held and comforted him), when Paul gave them the message from ‘Lilah beyond the grave’, when the weapon was found, when Jim interrogated Jerome and his true nature showed, and when Jerome first woke up after being reborn.

29. Plus she was the one Jerome and Barbara took hostage at the gala.

30. She somehow has managed to be present during most, if not all of his most important scenes.. (the writers chose to have her present during all these scenes. They control every single thing that happens on the show.)

31. “Don’t let your hatred of me turn you into something you’re not”

32. “I wish I could do that.”

33. “There is going to be a huge development in Lee Thompkins storyline which affects Jim." - Erin Richards

34. Lee is affected by the Alice Tetch Virus.

35. If I remember correctly, Harley (Harleen) doesn’t become crazy until after she meets the Joker and falls in love with him. We haven’t seen Lee’s crazy side yet, but that doesn’t mean we won’t soon.

36. Similarities

37. Look at how they interact/ look at each other

They both have a certain look when they look at each other. Like Lee is trying to put up a tough demeanor, but when she looks at him you literally see her eyes soften. It looks somewhat harsh because she’s trying to act tough, but you can also see desire. Jerome’s eyes soften too. I haven’t seen either of the two look at anybody else like that. Actions speak louder than words.

38. What was the point in him asking that? He probably wanted to know for personal reasons :) 

39. Harley was serious and a little uptight at first when she interacted with the joker, kind of like Lee. 

She has quite a lot of things in common with Harley, and she fits the most when it comes to Harley’s origin. She’s a doctor who studied trauma (even though it’s not her area of focus), her nickname is Lee, she’s incredibly intelligent, etc. In my opinion, Lee or Silver would be the best choice. Plus her and Jerome definitely have the chemistry, she’s connected to the Joker Cult World (she’s met and interacted with Jerome, aka Joker), She’s a character we’ve known for quite a while, and she’s definitely going down this really dark path due to the Virus. She would be the person people would least expect.. in my opinion anyway. I’m thinking either she’s gonna get rid of the virus, and still become Harley because she likes how it feels to be free, or maybe she will get rid of the virus and decide to go work at Arkham again. She’s already basically counseled Bruce and Barbara, so maybe she will go back and work as a psychiatrist. I don’t know, probably not.

Silver St. Cloud :)

Cons: 1. Silver’s favorite animal is a dolphin (Harley hates fish.. but maybe she just means eating fish)

2. She once went swimming with a dolphin. But the issue is Harley can’t swim

3. She has blonde hair, but instead of blue eyes, they’re brown.

4. She’s also her own character in the comics

Pros: 1. If they were to stick with the Joker being older than Harley, then she would fit best

2. Harley is known to have a crush on Bruce Wayne. Silver has feelings for Bruce, and their relationship is rocky now due to what all happened.

3. As far as we know Silver had good parents. But when her father died she became the ward of Theo Galavan. Harley’s father was a criminal that used to abuse her. Theo is technically her guardian, and he abuses her.. so I believe this can still apply.

4. She did everything Theo asked of her, because she was scared of him, and she didn’t want to be outcast from the family. So if she did everything she did out of fear, imagine what all she would do out of love.

5. She is very gullible

6. She is a master manipulator

7. Though she and Jerome haven’t met yet, she is still connected to the Joker Cult World, because she was working for Theo as was Jerome.

8. She can be incredibly loyal

9. She was pushed out of a window by Tabitha when they were trying to escape Theo.

10. She is a hopeless romantic

12. Jessica was talking about ‘The Sirens Club’ is gonna have new people join, but she couldn’t say much about it. I believe Silver is gonna come back, and she will be one of the new members.

13. Out of all the choices, she has the advantage point. We know Barbara owned an art gallery, and Lee is a doctor, but Silver is still young and doesn’t have a career yet. So if she does turn out to be Harley, she still has a chance to either be an intern or become a psychiatrist and meet Jerome the right way.

14. Silver isn’t a bad person, people hate her because she got between BatCat and because she manipulated Bruce. I just wanna remind everyone that the only reason she did those things was because Theo would have killed her or cast her out of the family. So she’s not all bad

15. “Am I Harley? *whispers* You’ll have to wait and see.” - Natalie Alyn Lind on IG live

16. She and Jerome both acted innocent at first, before they revealed their true nature

17. She always had to work for Theo, so we never really saw her have fun. We also didn’t see her crazy side yet, but once again that doesn’t mean we won’t. Especially now that she’s free from Theo. I can see this apply to her as well.

18. “Little Minx”

19. “You can’t even imagine the things I’ve done. There’s no hope. There’s no going back to normal life.”

20. Natalie and Cameron met at Vanity Fair and took some playful pictures together. One was of the two just smiling, and the other was them acting like she punched him. She captioned the pictures ‘ Jerome and Silver takeover’.

21. Natalie is gonna be 18 this June, so she will be of age (she can be with both Jerome and Ivy on the show legally) I have no clue what her age is on the show, but I would say around 15 or 16. Maybe even 17?

22. Silver was introduced the very next episode after Jerome’s death.

So Silver and Lee are sticking out to me the most. I honestly think Silver has the biggest advantage out of everyone else. Simply because we don’t know what happened to her after she and Tabitha escaped Theo. Tabitha came back.. so why didn’t Silver? I have a theory on this as well. Tabitha cared enough about Silver to save her from Theo, and she was always kind of protective of her. What if Tabitha sent Silver somewhere so she could be safe. For one to keep her safe from Theo, and two because Tabitha lives a sort of dangerous life.  I honestly feel like she sent Silver somewhere that she could be safe and have a normal teenage life. But maybe something happens, and Silver comes back and is under Tabby’s care. If she was to come back, she would more than likely join the sirens. Considering she and Tabitha are family.. Jessica said a few more girls will be joining the Sirens, but she couldn’t talk much about it. We all know the original Sirens (in the comics) include Poison Ivy, Catwoman, and Harley Quinn. Well this  would be the same case, but Babs and Tabs will be in it as well. Silver could be doing anything right now. She could be studying criminology (she definitely has the motive) or interning or anything. With Silver as Harley, they could do so much. Like, make her be studying criminology right now, to try and figure out why her uncle (her father figure) did what all he did. They can bring her back to Gotham and where she will be under Tabitha’s care, maybe join the sirens, or maybe even intern at Arkham where she meets Jerome, etc. They can do all of this.. the only thing that would be off would be her name. But maybe they can fix that. Also we all know Ivy and Harley end up having a romantic relationship. Ivy on the show is a 19 year old with the mind of a child still. I honestly have no clue how old the characters on the show are. I know Ivy is 19 (like I just said), and I think Jerome is 19, considering he was 18 when he died. Both Joker and Ivy are older than Harley I’m pretty sure. I think Silver is maybe 16 or 17? I’m honestly not sure, but I do know she’s younger than Jerome and Ivy. She would make the most sense in my opinion, either her or Lee.

(Sorry if there are a lot of mistakes, but I’ve been working on this so long and I honestly don’t feel like going back over it and fixing things. I hope you all can understand everything I’m trying to say lmao. Be sure to tell me your thoughts! Who do you think it will be? What do you think of this post? I love feedback, just please be respectful :) 

[scummzz]

i’m pissed.

read if u wanna, no pressure. idek if you read it or not i just need to get stuff out of my system ig. (lil message at the end for all of u who bothers to read all of it though (or just scroll to the end, idc, do what u want it’s 2018))

so. i really wanna confront this one person, well. these people. there’s a bunch of people i wanna confront, but i don’t know if it’s .. the right time? some of them are in my class, and in a way i am more mentally mature than them, due to everything i’ve gone through, esp over the past 3 or 4 years. some of the people i wanna confront are older than me, some younger. but i feel it’s wrong of me to confront them because i don’t wanna seem like a bitch? like i’ve already lost them, i feel, so i can’t do more because that’ll just cause them to dislike me more lmao

i also want to confront multiple people around me on why the fuck i’m being ignored. i don’t know what i did. i don’t know if i did anything at all, but distancing myself due to disassociating. and it fucks me up, and i hate it. i mean, i get it like why would anyone stick around when i keep distancing myself and when it seems like i can rarely be in a good mood? i get it. i totally do, it just annoys me when they’ve said that “oh, i’m gonna be here for you” and “i love you” like no. fuck off with that. if you are here for me, then fucking be here for me. don’t bail when i’m in a depressive episode. don’t tell me you love me when almost the first thing you do when i distance myself, is turn to someone else and end up ignoring me. don’t say that. don’t do that to me. i already have a hard time trusting people. don’t make it worse.

what’s worst though, is that it feels like i always trust the wrong people. like my ex and my former best friend from belgium. she, the girl from belgium, later said she “was in a toxic relationship with herself and she was obsessed with being perfect”. and both those relationships didn’t treat me right. with my ex, i have some good memories, yeah, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that he fucking hated the fact that i hang out more with the guys in my class than the girls. he fucking hated it. “don’t be around other guys and we’ll be fine” i couldn’t even have guy friends who lived over seas.

(ANYWAYS I’M FUCKING PISSED AND CRYING AND MY MAKEUP LOOKED SO GOOD TODAY FUCK)

um yeah. that pisses me off. also, i’ve had a couple people tell me to talk to my therapist about me disassociating and being depressed. i have already told her that (TW) i wanted to kill myself a few years ago. i described my depression as this: “it feels like i’m stuck in a tiny black box, and i don’t have problems with being in confined spaces. however, i am trying to get out but i can’t and it is around me at all times and it’s so dark i can’t see any light.” what i didn’t tell her is that that exact box covers me, at the end of every month. sometimes at the beginning and the end of the month. (i probably need to talk to my doctor and see what he’ll do with it)

also another thing i have problems with, is nicknames. i don’t have anything against most of them, i swear. the ones i do, however, have problems with are the ones that i find condescending. and when i find something condescending, you notice it, i hope. also, when i’m called “my everything”? NO don’t. my ex said that. i don’t like it, it felt like his entire life was about me when he called me that. i just overlooked it and didn’t have a nickname for him, it felt wrong and if i said something weird, he would make fun of me. another thing he called me, when i told him i’m half Korean, was “Jackie Chan”. don’t get me wrong, i love Jackie Chan, he’s amazing, but calling me that? “but you do karate and you’re asian” FUCK THAT. don’t fucking use jackie chan as a nickname for me.

as i mentioned earlier, in this fucked up rant, it feels like i’m being ignored. i don’t know why, but it hurts. i don’t know how many of you read the other long ass post i made, but if you didn’t, i think i talked about how i’ve been bullied, almost every year from 1st to 7th grade. that was horrible, yeah, but what hurt the most was that the guys i thought of as my friends, totally ignored me. they aknowledged i was there, as do so many other people, but that’s it. if i said something, they might agree or they just totally ignored it. and that keeps happening.

if i’m around more than two (2) people, say three or four, and i say something when it’s completely quiet, they aknowledge the fact that i said something, and then just go on with their conversation, making me sit there, feeling fucking useless. because i can’t keep up with their conversation. it annoys me, when i can’t say something in conversations. especially when they talk about something i know, something that i’m passionate about. but of course, i have to go through it in my head, at least five times and by the time i’m done analyzing what i wanted to say, they moved on to another subject. and it’s an endless cycle.

i actually talked to my therapist about that, and she said “well, what if you tried to just.. talk? you can go through it in your mind, at least two times and then you say it.” nope. not gonna happen for a looong time. but i have gotten better at it. i can say something after thinking about what i want to say, for that long. but the result is always fucking tragic, i swear to god.

anyways, i don’t know what else to say or do.

thanks for following me, guys. i already said this, but i don’t get how you keep following me. it’s wild !! i appreciate all of you, and thank you for supporting me and for liking what i post on this ,,,, strange thing i so proudly call my blog. i hope 2018 treats all of you well.