#grimaldo gets it the worst

[candy-red-river]

Mor arte for my unicorn wars creepypasta au

[notactuallyakraken]

Gumshoe {Complete Season 1}

Episode 1 "Pleasure to Meet You!" - In the series premiere, mafia boss Namazio Fettuccine hires lazy private detective Moe Dunlop to serve as a personal bodyguard to his daughter Vittoria. In an unfortunate tun of events, the affiar is misunderstood by Fettuccine capo Amadeus Pelagatti, who gets in a duel with Moe.

Episode 2 "Dunlop in a Love Triangle? Sleeping with the Enemy" - Vittoria invites Moe out to a masquarade party held at her family's estate. Jeri becomes jealous and hires yellow journalist Ernst Warble to infiltrate their evening together.

Episode 3 "The Chimp's Mother is an Amazon" - The tenants suggest that Moe and Jeri adopt a more humanitarian attitude to improve their public image. The pair end up being held captive by a cannibalistic Amazon herbalist named Cacao. She spares them after reuniting with her daughter Dolores.

Episode 4 "Local Idiots Build a Bomb Shelter" - Odenblom introduces the tenants to their horoscope, quickly manipulating their newfound interest for her entertainment. This leads Moe to question his relationship with Jeri, while the others prepare themselves for a nuclear fallout.

Episode 5 "Big Shock! Moe Actually Got Off the Couch" - After a near-death encounter with Pelagatti, Moe becomes enlightened to the idea of learning physical defense. He trains with Grimaldo, a petty Catholic luchador. Eventually Moe reverts back to his former lazy lifestyle, but is irritated when Grimaldo enlists as a tenant for the flophouse.

Episode 6 "A Gray Strand of Hair... is My Youth Fading?" - Byron, Odenblom, and Grimaldo get stoned off of a marijuana milkshake and go out on a night of roller disco. Meanwhile, Warble becomes depressed when he realizes he has a grey strand of hair.

Episode 7 "Motorcyclist Hospitalized After Crashing into Stop Sign" - Jeri is sold off to a human trafficking auction by Byron, but ends up rescued by a figure from her past, Udo von Whiz, an extremely clumsy nomadic motorcyclist.

Episode 8 "Fettuccine Don to Move In?" - Booted out of his estate, Namazio subsequently moves into the flophouse. Moe and Jeri go to extremes to get him into leaving when his presence brings the unwarranted attention of Vittoria and Pelagatti.

Episode 9 "Bitter Enemies United In Thunderstorm" - Moe attempts to prove to the tenants his animosity with Warble by showing up at the yellow journal offices, only for both of them to be locked inside during heavy rainfall. They grow a mutual friendship after a night of torment, but resort to their rivalry once again as soon as the storm ends.

Episode 10 "Pleasure Doing Business with You, Death" - Cacao returns, apparently at the same time as Dolores' unfortunate death. Fearing Cacao's wrath, they get Odenblom's aid to resurrect the chimp, but they will have to convince the Grim Reaper first.

Episode 11 - "War Among the Fettuccine Family!" Upon the discovery that Cacao has a voodoo doll of Moe, the Fettuccine family initiate all out war against each other to obtain it for themselves.

Episode 12 "UFO Sighting Outside Calgary: Possible Alien Assault?" -Tension grows among the tenants when they refuse to pay rent. Jeri puts them on strict curfew until they pay their expenses by rigging the flophouse with booby traps. At the same time, an alien tourist named Puppis stops by, only to get the wrong impression about Earth customs.

Episode 13 "Flophouse Scandal... These Tenants Really Are the Worst!" - Warble has recently hit a case of severe writer's block. Thankfully for him, Byron serves as an intermediate by selling him incriminating photos of the tenants.

Episode 14 "Common Cold Evolves Beyond Sore Throat" - A cold rapidly spreads to most of the cast. Cacao provides herbal remedies to cure everyone's ailments, but with it comes a medley of bizarre side effects, worsening the situation even further.

Episode 15 "It's a Wedding! Two Mafias are Better Than One" - In an attempt to spark Moe's ire, Vittoria proposes marriage to Lupo Tortiglioni, who mistakes Vittoria for her twin sister Zita instead. Apparently, Namazio takes a likening to the engagement and Moe puts in no effort to prevent the ceremony.

[palaugranetes]

🔵BLAUGRANETS🔴

7 OCTOBER 2020

Frenkie: Be safe guys. See you in 2 weeks!

Frenkie: And good luck with your teams!

Carlitos: That be safe is so crucial!

Riqui: the 2020 motto.

Frenkie: 😅 Well I meant while playing but yes. Definitely.

Carlitos: With how things are going, we need to be extra prepared.. Idk how long the adults will last.

Riqui: 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Riqui: 🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️

Ansu: 💙❤😌 will do dads.

Dembz: See ya in 2 weeks!

Ansu: I cannot believe he did not say a word.

Sergiño: Who?

Ansu: If I say his name he'll appear.

Pedri: But you just asked about him

Ansu: But he doesn't know I did.

Pedri: Right... Okay then.

Ansu: My logic is flawless.

Pedri: Sure thing.

JC: You and logic have never met. Ever.

Francisco: 😂😂

Sergiño: Damn dude😅

Ansu: Who even is talking to you Jean-Clair

JC: ouh so serious

Francisco: How is Portugal treating you bro?

JC: So far so good bro! ❤💙

Pedri: Hopefully it continues.

11 OCTOBER 2020

Riqui: Why couldn't we play like this vs Sevilla!

Iñaki: Like?

Riqui: The ladies. They kicked Sevilla's ladies' butts! 6-0 dude! KILLERS!

Carlitos: They are great man they are great. They know what they are doing

Riqui: Clearly. Just like we do🙄

Carlitos: Don't start nanu

12 OCTOBER 2020

Dembz: Why is Gerard asking me what we are up to?!

Riqui: He is what?

Dembz: You read me...

Carlitos: Um..

Riqui: 🙊🙊🙊🙊

Riqui: What did you guys do!?

Dembz: I Absolutely did nothing whatsoever.

Riqui: @Carlitos what did YOU do?!

Carlitos: Hey.. What is with the agression?!

Riqui: Answer.

Carlitos: I did nothing!

Ansu: WHAT HAPPENED!?

Dembz: Geri asked me what we are up to.

Ansu: 🙊

Sergiño: idgi.. why is Gerard so scary?

Riqui: Geri my guy.. just call him Geri.

Riqui: Rizos what did you do?! I cannot leave you for 5 minutes alone!?

Ronald: Luis says Hi!

Pedri: How is he?

Ronald: He is okay I guess.. He told me to look after Leo.

Ansu: 😭

Pedri: That 😭ouch

Francisco: Awwhh

Ronald: He also told me to pull a prank on Geri for him.

Ronald: Clearly I told him no I value my life

JC: 😂😂

Ronald: Sup bro!

JC: Getting to know the city and the teammates

Carlitos: Say hi to Grimaldo for me

JC: Will do.

JC: So why does Geri want to kill you @Carlitos

Carlitos: WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!

JC: I just thought, since you have been spending so much time with him and all..

Carlitos: Don't think. Never. Never a good thing

JC: Gtfo.. I have great ideas

Carlitos: Sure Jan..

Dembz: Probably cause he beat him im training fréro😂

JC: Get out!

Carlitos: I am stronger than I look.

Iñaki: Sure bro

Carlitos: OF ALL THE PEOPLE I EXPECTED TO ANSWER... YOU DID?!

Iñaki: laying out the facts

Sergiño: I have a question..

Riqui: Shoot

Carlitos: What about?

Sergiño: So how long should I expect until Leo floors me or something... Cause I need to prepare myself

Riqui: As one does..

Sergiño: So?

Pedri: 😂

Riqui: Who knows dude

Sergiño: Right.

Dembz: the megs are the worst.

Sergiño: IKR

Francisco: But getting megged by Leo.. an honor

Sergiño: Also true

13 OCTOBER 2020

Dembz: Yooo Luis is dragging everyone!

Riqui: As he should

Pedri: Do you think he'll be able to score?

Carlitos: Well my boy, seeing as basically most of us will not be starting.. that will not be on us

Carlitos: Except maybe @Sergiño.. so good luck.. he is such a fun dude to play against.

Sergiño: Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Riqui: I am torn

Frenkie: Between?

Riqui: On one hand.. I don't want him to score.. but on the other hand, it will embarrass HIM

Pedri: Who?

Carlitos: Barto

Frenkie: I see your point.

15 OCTOBER 2020

Frenkie: Lovely interview @Pedri

Pedri: 🥺

Frenkie: And congratulations @Ansu and @Sergiño!!! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

Ansu: 💙❤💙❤ thanks bro

Dembz: Congrats boys!!

Ansu: 💙❤

Sergiño: 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💙❤

Iñaki: 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Pedri: Congrats guys💙❤

Riqui: 🍿🍿🍿 👏🏻💪🏻

Francisco: "Frenkie: Lovely interview @Pedri" Leo is so unexpectedly friendly. It surprised me how nice he is.

Frenkie: Me too

Pedri: ❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙

Ansu: Where are we on the infiltration plan?

Carlitos: I have been hanging out with Geri everyday

Iñaki: And?

Dembz: He is getting nothing out of him.

Sergiño: If that ends up happening.. doesn't it risk this group?

Riqui: Not you losing to Fede in front of Luis @Ronald

Ronald: I understand now why Geri always pranked him..

Ronald: I BEAT HIM FFS and he still mocked me

Riqui: 😂😂😂 was it a manita though?

Ronald:😑😑😑😑

JC: You need to practice

Ronald: 😒

Carlitos: Geri just texted me! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Riqui: What.. what happened?!

Ansu: What did he say?

Carlitos: Apparently he knows.

Pedri: He knows? He knows what??

Carlitos: He just texted "I know."

Iñaki: Could mean anything

Ansu: Yeah

Dembz: I JUST GOT THAT TEXT!

Riqui: 😳

JC: Wait why did I Get it.... I AM ALL THE WAY IN PORTUGAL BRO!

Ansu: WTF.

Carlitos: Guys.. I think I messed up.

Riqui: I still haven't gotten anything.

Pedri: Me neither

Frenkie: Same here

Iñaki: Why did Geri text me "I know."?!

Carlitos: 😅

Iñaki: What does he know?!

Ansu: Shit shit shit.. I got the text...

Francisco: What is going on!!!!

Riqui: You really did it this time Rizos

Carlitos: I DID NOT DO ANYTHING intentionally

Riqui: 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

JC: I am so glad I am in a whole other country right now

Ronald: But why you guys.. like how does Iñaki fit in all of this.. he is the least annoying one between you lot

Riqui: 😂

Ronald: How did YOU not get one

Riqui: 🍿🍿🍿

Ronald: These alone deserve one

Carlitos: Oh boy

Ansu: Geri just texted me.. I hate him

Ronald: The same message?

Ansu: No....

Riqui: What did he say?

Ansu: Forwarded:"You are lucky you are technically not an adult yet."

JC: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Frenkie: 😂😂

Carlitos: 🤣🤣🤣

Riqui: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Pedri: Well then..😅

Ansu: Yeah laugh I hope he kicks your asses.

Ronald: He probably will..

Ansu: Good.

Sergiño: I am so curious to see what will happen

Riqui: I really hate him. I REALLY REALLY HATE HIM

Sergiño: What happened? Who do you hate?!??

Riqui: Forwarded:"You are lucky you're tiny."

Ronald: 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[blaugr4na]

#BartomeuDimiteHoy: MASTER LIST

The best Barcelona in history - the Barcelona that became a reference for world football and became the only club to have ever won a sextuple - was under Joan Laporta and his model which emphasized Cruyff, La Masia, Catalunya, and UNICEF. Since Laporta was replaced on July 1st, 2010, this model has continuously decayed and as the campaign for the vital VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE approaches, I thought I would make an updated "master list” of some of evident damage happening within our club since Sandro Rosell and Josep Maria Bartomeu have taken over. 

Disrespectful/Mishandled Departures

Johan Cruyff

Stripped of his honorary presidency and pushed away from the club

Cruyff confirmed in an interview with RAC1 that him/Rosell only spoke to him once (which was when they took his title as honorary president away) and that him/Bartomeu never spoke.

Bartomeu himself, in 2008: “We need to say no to Cruyff. Voting yes to the motion of censure [against Laporta] is to vote no for Cruyffism at Barça.”

Pep Guardiola

Left him alone to defend himself and our club against Mourinho and the lies published by Madrid based media due to the board’s eagerness to avoid the media

Ex: the allegations that our players were doping/working with doctors of “questionable reputations” (which we ended up letting go for only €200,000), the allegations that we accepted refereeing favors, etc.

Was blamed by the board for Zlatan’s signing in front of the socis while Rosell called it the “worst deal in the history of the club” even though Pep wasn’t the only person responsible for it

After all of this and more, they claimed to the fans that they did “everything in their power” to make Pep stay after he decided to step away

Even after he left, Rosell said “Everything [Pep] says is false. There is no argument or evidence for his claims about us. I put it down to someone poisoning Pep’s mind, but he allowed himself to be poisoned.” after Pep went public with the fact that they crossed the line with him and weren’t keeping their word of promising to leave him in peace after leaving

Eric Abidal

Forced out of the club in tears while lies were being told both to him and about him

Bartomeu, 2012: “Abidal’s contract is ready, and when he plays his first match, we’ll sign it”. He returned to play. They never renewed him.

Lied to the public claiming medical departments concluded that he wouldn’t be able to continue as a player. Abidal went on to continue playing for the French NT and played over 30 matches for Monaco.

Dani Alves

Let go for free

Publicly confirmed that during his final years, he would always hear 'Alves was leaving,' but the directors never said anything to his face (to confirm the rumours or support/reassure him of his place in the club)

These were, apparently, among many leaks to the media which came directly from the board, who were trying to demonize him in the media, which is believed to go back to Dani’s personal problems with the board related to, among other things, their treatment of Eric Abidal

Has since been one of the most outspoken about how much he was disrespected, and in general how much this board doesn’t respect their players

Thiago Alcantara

Destined/developed to be Xavi’s eventual replacement. 

Forced to play the minimum amount of matches in his last season to keep his buyout clause at 18m instead of it going up to €90m (to ensure a sale as Neymar’s transfer approached). 

Sold for €20m

Xavi

Was almost certainly leaving for NYCFC back in 2014.

Lucho and Zubi convinced him into staying another year because he knew the team needed him to

Still failed to sign a proper replacement after he left

David Villa

Bought for €40m, sold to direct league rivals for €5m

Txema Corbella

Was our beloved kit man for 32 years. Has shared our dressing room with players from Maradona to Messi. 

Described by Victor Valdes as “someone who is like a father to me and has always protected us”

Was also the last person who tried to convince Valdes to stay, telling him “You'll never be better off than you are here” in tears

After returning from his vacation in 2014, was fired by the board without warning, given no reason other than “he wasn’t necessary”.

Willful neglect of La Masia

Eusebio

Was kept and continued to renew his contract despite his disregard for actual player development because he was close with the board and his results with FCBB were “enough” for them until they were relegated to Segunda B.

Oscar Garcia

Lead Juvenil A to 3/3 titles with only 3 defeats in 50 matches in his first season as coach and was chosen to replace Lucho at Barça B, but the board ended up signing Eusebio instead. Oscar stayed with the club despite this. 

During his second season as Juvenil A coach, Eusebio would frequently call up Oscar’s top players to Barça B and not even use them. One of the most significant cases was when Oscar’s team lost the Liga on the last match of the season. Eusebio had called up Dongou for Barça B’s match and never even used him. The team suffered all year and Oscar unfairly took the blame from the press, but stayed with the club as Zubi promised him the Barça B coaching position claiming that Eusebio would be leaving Barça B. 

A month later, they renewed Eusebio, pushing Oscar out.

A good article for more about this can be found [here].

Thiago. Bartra. Grimaldo. Samper. Munir. Sandro. Eric Garcia. Adama. Mboula. The list can go on.

Graduates are increasingly being denied their chance and are shown the door while excessive amounts of money are being spent on players outside the club. They have shown that La Masia kids more of a way to make money for them and could not care less about developing them to have them on the first team.

Refuses to take any responsibility and actually blamed our players for the fall of La Masia

Bartomeu, July 2017: “The problem is people like Xavi, Iniesta, Messi and those players. It is likely that there are other Messis, but they have to leave the club because it is impossible for them to play here.”

Sergi Roberto

Has worked for years to gain the trust of the coach and become a starter, staying on the bench and refusing offers from other clubs for years to prove himself

Played out of position for 2 consecutive years and not only shined, but played a crucial role in many important moments

The year he was promised an opportunity in his favoured role, Paulinho is signed for €40m with a release clause of €140m (Sergi’s release clause is €40m)

 Lionel Messi

Had his contract renewal stalled by the board for months in 2014. It was Tito Vilanova, in his last days, who spoke with Messi and convinced him to remain calm and stay.

Launched the controversial #WeAreAllLeoMessi campaign during the tax fraud trial, with Bartomeu tweeting out “Leo, those who attack you are attacking Barça and its history. We’ll defend you to the end. Together forever!” ...then, as Laporta pointed out, refused to send any board members to support him when he went to testify in court.

Bartomeu has sent out private polls to socis asking how they felt about selling him

Reemergence of Ultras in Barcelona

Before Laporta, they were given free tickets to home matches, free transportation to away games, and storage facilities at Camp Nou for their flags and banners. 

When Laporta was elected in 2003, he formally banned their presence at matches and fought so hard to keep them away from Camp Nou/distance the club from their conduct that he was almost killed (they painted death threats outside his house and tried to attack him on more than one occasion). Still, he insisted on “talking less and acting more” to stop them. 

When they went to Rosell/Bartomeu after he was elected, he was willing to compromise. They didn’t just “sneak back in”, he invited them back and gave them extremely cheap and sometimes even free tickets. 

This is still happening. We’ve paid for tickets so they can attend UCL away matches. A couple years ago when two PSG fans were recently stabbed outside of Camp Nou in an area frequented by ultras, Bartomeu and his board wouldn’t comply with Catalan police.

2015 Transfer Ban

All of it happened due to the incompetency of the board. 

FIFA warned the board about the problems related to the Masia players over A YEAR before taking action. The board said they would settle it, but they still did nothing. 

They put the “La Masia No Es Toca” banner up and initially lied about the situation, only to have Bartomeu later admit that it was actually due to ‘administrative errors’. 

Zubi himself even said: “Mr. Bartomeu is the one who knew the situation better than anyone, as he was the sporting vice president during that time.” 

We were left with both a harsh punishment due their mistakes and we had to to step up to defend the credibility the academy that is part of why we are més que un club.

Qatar

The club that wore and sponsored (not sponsored by) UNICEF with pride accepts a sponsorship deal with Qatar Sports Investments. ‘Qatar Airways’ gets painted across Camp Nou while UNICEF got relegated to a spot on the back of our shirt.

Justified it by saying Qatar Foundation also were a philanthropy institution who were responsible for helping thousands of people around the world like UNICEF and that most socis welcomed the addition, brushed off the serious allegations against the Qatar Foundation’s founder as mistakes “made in good faith”

While Bartomeu fought to keep them as our sponsor until QSI gave up on the sponsorship, it was Piqué and Shakira who did the work in initiating and closing the new deal with Rakuten.

Bartomeu admitted this himself: “The deal began at a dinner hosted by Gerard Pique at Hiroshi Mikitani's house in San Francisco in 2015. Shakira and Pique are good friends of Mikitani and they organised a dinner. We met there and we spoke about the future and Rakuten's interest - Pique helped us a lot here.”

Camp Nou

Scraped Laporta’s “Forster Project” to renovate Camp Nou claiming it was too expensive. Cost: €250m.

Replaced it with their project, Espai Barça. Cost: €600m. 

Has been unworkable so far due to the board’s inability to get proper plan that the municipality agrees with

Neymar’s Arrival Fiasco

Rosell/Bartomeu lied and did everything they possibly could to make it the move that started the “Rosell era” - A move he could call his own, one that he thought would pull him out from the shadows of his predecessor’s success and ensure his re-election.

This has since only damaged the reputation of this club and got us sued for tax fraud.

Rosell appeared on live TV and said “Neymar costed €57.1 million. Period.”

Actual costs to date = €10 million in 2011 to ensure the move (confirmed by Neymar Sr), €86.2 million in 2013 for the actual transfer + bonus (confirmed by Bartomeu) and €22 million for the tax fraud case = €118 million, approximately. 

A sum of that money was also dedicated to paying Neymar Sr and his company, N&N, every year so he could “scout” Brazilian players (ex: Douglas) for us. Multiple other unconfirmed rumours are connected to this deal as well.

Bartomeu has since said he would "do it all over again" regarding the Neymar contract, despite our club being first in Spain guilty of tax fraud

Neymar’s Departure Fiasco

Bartomeu was aware Neymar was leaving since July, but didn't prepare to sign players to replace him

Panicked after losing the Spanish Super Cup and publicly spoke about bringing Coutinho and Dembele WHILE STILL NEGOTIATING THE DEALS (which could still fall through) with BVB and Liverpool - who can now raise the prices and we won’t be able to do anything about it. 

Even as they were jeopardizing the deals and revealing details about private negotiations, they still tried to claim “they couldn’t say anything about them” (as they literally were speaking about them)

WHAT CAN WE DO?

Make your voice heard - it’s more important and impactful than you might think. 

Use the hashtag: #BartomeuDimiteHoy 

Our voices are already being heard: We’ve made it trend in not only Spain, but worldwide.

The pressure is already being felt: They’ve had #BartomeuDimiteYa censored. They have publicly made claims that this hashtag is “only being used by foreigners” (which is not only untrue, but also a disgusting excuse considering our club's best ever player is a foreigner, the most influential person in club's history is also a foreigner, the club's founder is a foreigner, foreigners alter their sleep schedules to watch games, foreigners pay to buy jerseys/travel from all over the world to support their team, etc...)

Support Agustí Benedito 

He activated the process of the motion of no-confidence and will be leading the campaign for the upcoming vote. 

Twitter: @agustibenedito 

No-Confidence Campaign Website: votdecensura2017.cat

THE CAMPAIGN WILL START OFFICIALLY ON SEPTEMBER 1ST, 2017.

His pressure is being felt too: They have tried to destabilize the No-Confidence campaign by claiming Benedito has owes them €10,000 from his presidential campaign - this has since been confirmed as false.

Are you a soci, 18+, in Barcelona, and have been a soci for 1+ year? VOTE!!!

Socis that meet these requirements are the ONLY ones who can officially give their signatures in the first stage of the vote. 

Benedito should have the forms by Friday, September 8th. He needs 16,500 signatures in 14 days to get past the VITAL first stage of the vote. 

Watch [THIS] video for more in-depth information about Benedito’s motion and SPREAD IT!

I’m probably forgetting some things, and there’s probably even more that we don’t know, but hopefully the message here is clear. 

I will say it again like I did before the last election - I always have and I always will love and stand behind FC Barcelona, no matter what. I’m personally not one of those who wishes worse on the club just so the board looks worse, nor do I point at the board and over-exaggerate every single little shortcoming. I probably even try and balance the reasons behind their actions more than I should sometimes. But all of the things listed above are facts, and while we should never lose faith in our team, we cannot be blind to the mismanagement that is having such a damaging affect either. The calls for Bartomeu’s resignation are not because we don’t have faith in our club; they are because we rightfully do not have faith in the current board. They have gotten away with too much and dodged responsibility for too long. 

Please do what you can to spread the word. Give Benedito’s motion a real chance of succeeding. TOTS UNITS FEM FORÇA.