#gronk the friendly giant | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

junker-town · 5 years

Text

The 4 most surprising NFL teams this week, for better or worse

Photo by Kathryn Riley/Getty Images

The Browns and Steelers laid an egg, but the Cowboys finally have a real offense. Geoff Schwartz recaps the good and bad surprises of Week 1.

Every NFL season enters September with a ton of hype, as it should. We are all beyond excited for the start of the new season, and we’ve spent months discussing the biggest storylines. But as usual in the NFL, Week 1 was still filled with surprises.

Here are the four teams that stood out in unexpected ways Sunday, and all for different reasons.

The team that surprised everyone but me: Cleveland Browns

Score a victory for me in Cleveland this week. While I was not surprised in the least that the Browns lost, it sure seemed most of y’all were.

One game doesn’t make a season, but it can sure let you know how players and teams prepared for that season. I told anyone who would listen that we needed to pump the brakes on the Browns hype train. While I believe, and still do, that the Browns are talented and have the team to win nine games and even make the playoffs, I also warned that the NFL has a way to humble you.

And the Browns were humbled in Week 1. The Titans’ defense dominated the Cleveland offense, and the entire team imploded.

Baker Mayfield, who bashed other players and argued publicly with a national radio host this offseason, came out with a dud. He threw three interceptions, one of which was returned for a touchdown while another was returned deep into Browns territory. Mayfield struggled last season against the best defenses he faced, and that continued in the season opener.

The expectations are high for Mayfield because he played well as a rookie and has plenty of physical gifts, but more than anything it’s because he’s put a target on his back with his mouth. He didn’t back up that talk Sunday. The NFL humbled him, too. Now, we shall see how he handles it. He’s still the same talented player and we know that adversity will either make or break someone. In the end, I still have faith in Mayfield.

However, I continue to not have faith in Browns head coach Freddie Kitchens. I wrote before the season about his lack of experience and the pressure that is placed upon him to win now would make his job tough. What we saw in his debut was a team with a complete lack of discipline. The Browns were flagged 18 times for 182 yards, the most penalties for a Cleveland team since 1951. They had holdings on offense and defense, plus their left tackle was ejected for kicking a Titans defender in the helmet.

They looked like an emotional powder keg, a team that couldn’t handle the pressure of expectations. While I think Mayfield while be better, I think the trend of undisciplined play will continue all season.

The team that was a pleasant surprise: Dallas Cowboys

There are many ways we think about football that I’d love to change. One pet peeve is when people view a performance by an individual or a team like, “Well, X is playing against a crappy team, so their outstanding game doesn’t matter.”

Bullshit, folks. You can only play who’s on the schedule and when you’re facing an inferior opponent, you should smash them, like the Ravens did to the Dolphins. How many times do teams play down to bad opponents? All the time. So when we see Dak Prescott tear apart the Giants’ defense, it’s real. And Prescott’s performance was real because of Kellen Moore.

Moore, of Boise State QB fame, is the new Dallas Cowboys offensive coordinator and wow, what a difference he’s made in just one game. The offense looked modern and catered to Prescott’s strengths. They hammered play-action pass and the middle of the field. They ran the ball when the box count was ideal instead of forcing the run. They finally used Prescott’s legs in high-leverage situations, like on third-and-short, to create first downs.

This is what I was hoping to see from the new offense. If the Cowboys continue to have this balance and this style of offense, they will play well against better competition.

Every throw that Prescott made, his value went up. Sunday was a friendly, or maybe not so friendly for the Cowboys, reminder that paying a running back top dollar might not be worth it. The Dallas offense was legit because of Prescott and the wide receivers. Well, right now the Cowboys haven’t paid their quarterback or top WR Amari Cooper, but instead paid a running back.

It’s a foolish mistake by the Cowboys to not get a deal done with at least Prescott, who’s their quarterback of the future, before the season started. Now, they either have to pay more than they were comfortable paying or franchise tag him in the offseason and expect another holdout.

The team that was an unpleasant surprise: Pittsburgh Steelers

Coming into the season, I had high hope for the Steelers. And after watching the Patriots totally smack them down on Sunday Night Football, I’m wondering if I’m in for a big letdown on my prediction that Pittsburgh will win the AFC North.

The Steelers looked totally lost on defense as the Patriots found mismatches and got them to make mistakes. New England replaced the middle of the field production of Gronk with a cornucopia of wide receiver options who found open areas of the field all night. And that’s even before Antonio Brown officially joins the team.

The Patriots’ defense has improved with additions in the draft and free agency, and they totally shut down the Pittsburgh offense. It’s hard to tell without seeing the All-22 if the Steelers truly missed Brown, but it sure looked like it. What a rough opening night for them.

The team that was a good surprise even in a loss: Indianapolis Colts

Let’s end on a positive surprise with the Colts. I wrote a few weeks back that I was still bullish on the Colts without Luck, but I didn’t expect them to go on the “road” and come back from a large deficit to send the game to overtime against the Chargers.

The Colts were down 24-9 early in the third quarter and eventually tied the game at 24 before losing in overtime. Everything I said about their team held true. They ran the ball extremely well, with Marlon Mack going for 174 yards on 25 carries. Jacoby Brissett played efficient ball, going 21-of-27 for 190 yards and two touchdowns. More importantly, they didn’t turn the ball over.

Their defense played just OK, but forced a pair of turnovers and did enough to keep them in the game. Even in a loss, the Colts surprised me.

0 notes

themurphyzone · 7 years

Text

Mayor Murphy Ch 4

Don’t think I’ve forgiven you, Coco....I’M REPLACING YOU WITH A TEAPOT ELEPHANT! SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!!!!!

Ahem. There’s been some...drama in my personal town.

Oh, and I finally have the T&T Emporium.

Ch 4- The Official Mayor

“Let the festivities begin, everybody!” Isabelle shouted, the other animals cheering. They swarmed the buffet table, knocking paper plates and utensils over as they scrambled for food.

A white dog twirled a record on his paw, slipping his shades down and scratching out a beat. “Who is that?” Zack asked an alligator as he grabbed slices of cheese. “He knows how to make some really awesome beats!”

The alligator froze, a toothpick hanging in his mouth in surprise. “Humph. Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of K.K. Slider before, gronk.”

“Uh, where I come from dogs don’t usually DJ. And my name’s not Gronk. It’s Zack,” Zack said awkwardly, holding out his hand.

“Right. You’re one of the mayor’s buddies. Name’s Del,” he said gruffly, giving a curt handshake.

Zack quickly pulled a letter from his backpack. “Oh, so you were my pen pal then. Nook also said I’d be rooming with you.”

Del scarfed down a sandwich, burping. “So you’re Zack. Can’t say you look like the musician type.”

Zack laughed. “I get that a lot. I take it you’ve never heard of the Lumberzacks then?” He piled a delicious looking salad on his own plate, then topped it off with croutons. “Just about everybody back home sings our songs.”

“Never mentioned any lumber in your letter,” Del said. “Tell ya what. Show me one of your songs sometime and I’ll introduce you to K.K. Slider’s greatest hits.”

“Deal.”

The white doe from the train station sat next to Melissa, her legs curling to the side in a ladylike fashion. “Pardon. Your name is Melissa, correct? I am Diana, named for the goddess of the hunt from ancient times.” She sipped her tea, setting the cup down on a floral-patterned saucer with a soft clink.

“Uh, yes?” Melissa raised an eyebrow. “I’m from Swamp City. Named for, um, I have no idea.”

“Well then, Melissa from the faraway land of Swamp City, you are to be my roommate for the next several moons. I sincerely hope we can form the greatest of kinships in Crossing Valley.” Diana enunciated each syllable carefully, her high-pitched voice raised slightly so Melissa could hear over the music.

Melissa smirked at the odd diction. “Is that how you say friendship around here? Because I hope so too.”

Diana laughed, a polished hoof covering her mouth. “Oho! Yes dearie, that is merely my personal way of, as you say, establishing a friendship. Now, I must admit that I am curious about this Milo you always wrote about in your correspondence. Is he your boyfriend, no doy?”

Nearly spewing her lemonade from her mouth, Melissa choked and quickly swallowed. “No, Diana. We’re just friends. We’ve known each other since elementary school.”

Not skipping a beat, Diana asked, “Is the boy talking to Del your boyfriend?”

“Again. We’re friends. That is all,” Melissa said plainly. “Nothing more, nothing less. So I’d appreciate it if you didn’t try to matchmake me over the summer.”

“Duly noted,” Diana replied. “I deeply apologize for asking those silly questions.”

“It’s cool,” Melissa said. “So you’re the oldest child, huh? What’s that like?”

Diana tilted her head back, a handkerchief held to her forehead. “Absolutely chaos! Why, let me tell you what Deirdre did when she was but a tiny fawn. It started when I made the mistake of letting her into my prized makeup bag....”

“Oh my gosh! I’m actually rooming with a real ape! I can put together a Time Ape cosplay for you. But first I’d need the right kind of fabric and some felt for the stopwatch head!” Sara squealed.

“I’ve always wanted to cosplay,” Cesar said, awed. “I don’t know how to make my own outfits though.”

“I’m thinking I could just make it like the hat Milo’s got,” Sara mused. “I wouldn’t want to cover up your mustache.”

Cesar preened, stroking the pointed end with a large finger. “It takes a lot of time and a generous dollop of mustache wax to maintain this beauty, highness.”

Sara nodded. “I’ll bet. And that goatee is perfectly trimmed too.”

Cesar flicked his hand at her. “Flatterer. I’m glad SOME people recognize perfection when they see it!” He raised his voice, glaring at Coco, who was ladling punch nearby. “See, bunny? She knows my facial hair is the epitome of manliness!”

Red liquid dribbled down Coco’s face as she drank the punch. Sara stuffed her mouth with crackers, trying to ignore the creepy atmosphere that just radiated off Coco.

“There is another who boasts a mustache far more fabulous than yours,” Coco intoned. Cesar went blue with shock, dropping to his knees. She turned to Sara. “Hello, I don’t think I’ve ever heard your name.”

“Um, Sara Murphy,” she chuckled nervously, extending her hand as a friendly gesture. Coco grasped it slowly, and it took all of Sara’s willpower not to pull away as she felt every dry pore and crack on Coco’s hand. “Enjoying yourself?”

“Oh yes,” Coco said. She let go of Sara’s hand to refill her cup. The song changed to a jaunty salsa tune. “This is one of my favorites! You wanna dance?”

“No, but thanks for the offer,” Sara said. Coco danced, though her face didn’t change as she abruptly changed from swinging her hips to a more formal dance.

Sara bent down to help Cesar up. The ape was surprisingly light, dusting gravel off the bottom of his t-shirt. “If I ever find that guy who supposedly has a better mustache than me, he’s gonna get the Cesar Crash treatment!” he exclaimed, pounding his fist into his palm.

“What’s the Cesar Crash?” Sara asked.

Cesar gasped. “You don’t know my signature move? It’s only locally famous! Yo, Del! I need to demonstrate the Cesar Crash for my new roomie!” he called to the alligator, who snapped his jaws in irritation.

“No, Cesar. I refuse to be on the receiving end of your ridiculous move,” Del growled, ignoring Cesar as he pleaded even further.

Milo looked up from his conversation with Marshal. “If it helps, I have a dummy you can demonstrate with so nobody gets hurt.” The top of his backpack burst, a giant inflatable platypus popping out. It settled on the ground, its mismatched eyes facing Cesar. “I meant to do that.”

“Thanks a lot!” Cesar gave a hard slap to Milo’s back, sending him sprawling. “Uh, sorry bout that.”

“No worries!” Milo grinned. “It’s not every day I get to talk to a gorilla, or a chimp, or whatever ape species you are.”

“RIGHT!” Cesar bellowed. He tore off his shirt, beating his hairy chest. “LISTEN UP YOU GIANT BEAVER DUCK! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY AWESOME MUSTACHE! PREPARE FOR THE ULTIMATE MOVE, THE MOTHER OF BEATDOWNS, THE HUMILIATION OF THE ERA-”

Diana sniffed. “It is always uncouth no matter how many times he does this.”

“I take it this is a frequent occurrence?” Zack asked.

“Last time this happened he destroyed all my Ms. Nintendique magazines!” Isabelle pouted. “I’ve collected those since puppyhood!”

“-A ONE APE ARMY, THE CATALYST TO END ALL CATALYSTS, THE CESAR-”

Cesar drummed on his chest one more time, then stomped his feet before squatting. Narrowing his eyes, he barreled towards his opponent. “-CRASH!” He slammed into the bill of the platypus, bouncing off the rubbery material. Smacking his back against a nearby tree, he groaned.

“Right, so now that we’ve settled that, it’s time to plant the tree!” Isabelle clapped her hands, pushing Milo towards the dirt mound in the center of the Plaza.

Milo looked out towards the crowd. Marshal, Coco, and Cesar could barely contain their excitement. Diana and Del nodded, their happiness much more subdued.

“I packed a spare fire extinguisher,” Sara said, holding up a red container.

“And I have the masks and hoses,” Melissa said.

“And I’ll be over there,” Zack gestured to a peach tree he could run and hide behind, but before he could get far Melissa grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled him back.

Isabelle bowed and presented a small sapling to Milo. He cradled it carefully, dirt and roots crumbling in his hand. “Dear animals of Fortuna and our welcomed guests, it is our pleasure to plant this tiny sapling so that it will blossom and grow into a tall, beautiful tree to symbolize the growth of Fortuna! May you find fresh fruit and great catches for many months to come! Milo, step forward and plant the sapling with all your heart and soul,” Isabelle declared.

Everyone was waiting. This was it. He had new responsibilities ahead of him and new friends to make. Milo bent down to plant the sapling.

As soon as his fingers brushed the topsoil, the leaves caught fire. Sara quickly put it out with the fire extinguisher.

“The ceremonial sapling!” Isabelle shrieked, her paws flailing. “Ahem, it’s okay! Just a freak accident, folks! We’ll just use the backup ceremonial sapling!” She handed another sapling to Milo.

“Okay, let’s see-yes, welcome one and all, metaphor for starting all over-we all know the drill,” Isabelle looked up from her cue cards. “Milo, if you’d please.”

The backup ceremonial sapling was planted, but as soon as Milo stepped away, an angry mole popped out of the ground. Isabelle slumped over the remains of the sapling, a heavy cloud hanging over her.

“Melissa, I think we found one of those mole people!” Milo called. “Hi. Me. Milo. Me. Friend. Made. Isabelle. Sad.” Each word was accompanied by grand hand gestures.

The mole could only stare in shock before screaming his head off and twirl his pickaxe around. “OH, LOOK AT ME! I’m a surface dweller! I have opposable thumbs and good eyesight!” he mocked. “RESETTI’S my name and scolding’s my game! And since this WORM eating, brimstone crushing time stream got all wonky, it left me without a regular job! I used to YELL at humans who messed with the time stream too much without the PROPER precautions, but look at this poor mole now! Nothing to show for it but DIRTY hands and squinty eyes! So, new mayor, have a heart and give this poor, washed out soul his job back.”

Isabelle turned around, her eyes a bright, flaming red. There were no pupils, just a soulless bloody void ready to devour whoever tried to oppose her. “YOU. HOW DARE YOU THREATEN THE NEW MAYOR!” she screamed, flames surrounding her in a beautiful, fiery vortex. Sara sprayed the contents of the fire extinguisher on her, but it simply dissipated in the flames. “LISTEN UP, CLOD! YOU DO NOT GO INTERRUPTING OUR CEREMONY AND YOU ESPECIALLY DO NOT DESTROY MY PLANTS! IN THE NAME OF SQUEAKY BONES AND TENNIS BALLS, I SHALL PUNISH YOU!”

A wand with a bell on the tip appeared in her paw. She kissed it before stepping in front of Milo, tapping Resetti’s nose with the tip. “The belle of the ball stands out from all the rest to capture the heart of a handsome prince. I call upon her powers to bestow the same luck into banishing the party crasher! BANGING BELL BOOM!”

Everyone covered their ears as a cacophony of invisible bells rang together to herald Resetti’s impending doom. A giant pair of wedding bells materialized out of the sky, the hollow end charging up and firing a giant yellow laser at Resetti.

“THIS ISN’T THE LAST YOU’VE SEEN OF ME!” he screamed, ducking into the hole before the laser could engulf him. “DON’T MESS WITH THE TIME STREAM, YA HEAR?” His complaining faded away.

“Oh my gosh!” Sara squealed. “Do you know what this means, Milo?”

“That the true secret to getting rid of moles is an angry canine secretary and bells?” Milo asked.

Sara thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Well, yes. But also that we know a magical girl now! Dog? Magical animal? The real question is, what kind is she like? Senshi? Pretty Cure? Miraculous? I hope it’s not the kind that turns into giant monsters when they’ve been overwhelmed with despair.”

“Actually the correct terminology is Fabulous Fauna!” Isabelle declared. Now that she had calmed down, Milo could see clearly that her outfit had changed into a golden crop top and skirt decorated with tiny bells. Pinned to her ears were several bluebell flowers. “We don’t really have secret identities. But enough about me. Plant the sapling, Milo!”

Milo obliged, successfully planting the sapling this time. As a precaution, Sara roped off the area with police tape. Everyone clapped and cheered.

“Swing by Town Hall tomorrow so we can get you started on developing Fortuna,” Isabelle yawned. “I’ll be taking my leave now. Good night, Mayor Milo.”

“We also need to talk to Nook tomorrow,” Sara said. “I can always sic Isabelle on him if he doesn’t cooperate.”

“First it was the talking animals. Then the whole mayor thing. And now anime cliches,” Zack muttered. “I’m done for today. Night, Milo.”

It took Milo half an hour to say good night to everybody and lie down in his tent. He could hardly wait for the summer to begin! There were adventures waiting in Fortuna and Crossing Valley.

There was definitely more than meets the eye.

Isabelle the magical girl everyone.

Cesar is just as nerdy as Sara.

Coco is really sweet. I’m still mad at her for leaving...

#milo murphy's law #mayor murphy #animal crossing

6 notes · View notes