#guess if you got a shit-tier memory you might as well abuse it for laughs at your own expense

[stergeon]

> Hit FERDINAND with the TEA-PHYSICAL AFFECTION combo.

Alright. You can do this. You are armed with TEA. You fought on the frontlines in some of the most dangerous battles of THE WAR. You are the tactician that helped HER MAJESTY transform the entire continent. You are strong and capable of anything to which you set your brilliant mind—even displaying PHYSICAL AFFECTION.

Just give him a kiss. That’s plenty. You can do that. You’ve done it before, even—if only in the throws of passion and not like this, apropos of nothing, simply for the sake of doing it. You can handle it, and he will surely appreciate it, and then you can go to BREAKFAST and the rest of your day will proceed perfectly normally. It’s just like in SCENARIO #129419: set down the tea, lean in, and—

Oh, bother. Now you’ve done it.

You don't have a scenario planned to help you deal with this. You've disturbed FERDINAND and made a mess and were negligent in your scenario planning and will be late to BREAKFAST and you couldn't even kiss him. You couldn't even kiss him.

#009 | << | <- | -> | JOURNAL | HOW TO PLAY | ALL POSTS

[retphienix]

I Have A Lot To Say So I'll Read More This.

The short of it?

I'm glad I played Joker- I played it because I wanted to know how DQM evolved when it reached the DS and I got my answer.

It's mediocre. Not bad exactly, I enjoyed playing it, it adds some REALLY appreciated features to the DQM series and if you were playing it at release it had online play which plays well with the post game content which I haven't touched by the time I wrote this:

-but there are some engine/console specific things that made it a drag and there are some parts of the game that are just weaker than the previous games which is amusing since the previous games were simple GBC titles.

And finally, I don't really recommend playing through Joker 1. Can't speak on the sequels, but Joker 1 was a pretty middling experience for me so I'm the wrong person to get a positive recommendation from.

And since the opportunity presents itself: If you like monster RPGs and haven't tried it- go emulate Dragon Warrior Monsters 2 for the GBC, it's really good and also if you emulate you can fast forward the GBC era grind if that's your taste- really a win all around.

On to my rambling:

I debated on writing, rewriting, rewriting, and better presenting my thoughts on this game and the series as a whole but nah, Joker ain't getting that, I'm ramblin'- lol

I will split it slightly between "The ending" and "The game as a whole" though.

Ending:

1:07 - This is slightly a 'game a a whole' thing but honestly it's funny to me that you unlock a permanent repel in this game by doing the main quest. I entered this dungeon feeling strong enough to beat the game, so I just avoided 90% of encounters entirely.

5:00 - I genuinely got a laugh out of Sparkpug's whole deal in this finale. Not story wise, that's fine, no complaints- I mean that Sparkpug is clearly built to be a monster that can carry an ineffective team. He's clearly meant to be bred a few times and a god tier member of a potentially inexperienced player's team- but I literally never used him after the intro.

So during this scene it's supposed to be like "I'm a demi-god monster, you can't possibly beat me" and I'm thinking "Dude, you're like level 10 and shit tier, you can't win, this is hilarious."

Obviously it's a real boss fight and not 'face the monster you once had' but I was having fun roasting him behind the scenes of this recording.

45:00 - What an entirely unexpected change of pace.

Like, I had it spoiled for me by a screenshot that Dr. Snap becomes a monster or something- but I thought maybe he was always a monster or something, and also I got a bad look at him.

HE TURNS INTO A BODY HORROR BEAST, THAT'S NUTS.

Genuinely a highlight of the game.

52:00 - I fucking laughed what a meaningless exchange where the payoff is saying "He was stupid!", it's honestly just silly and dumb but not necessarily bad just dumb lol

55:00 - Not a great 'you won' victory lap. Like at all. Kinda feels like they should have just made this all a cutscene where I appear back at town and see that Solitaire is the leader now etc etc.

I kinda don't understand why it's a victory lap at all? Because all anyone says is "They picked a weird successor to Snap >:(" or "Snap went to the island? I bet he was stopping the calamity :)"

If you have 2 lines of dialogue prepared, maybe don't make a victory lap???

1:00:00 - What a fucking stupid payoff lol

Like sincerely, Solitaire does NOTHING the entire game! She's meaningless from start to finish! And the 'surprise' is that she's the new commish??? And she got the position because she's a rich spoiled brat??? Like LITERALLY that's why????????

What a stupid fucking ending lol

Now her proposed evolution of the contest is fair enough, I mean it's childish as hell, but to be fair- more contests is a fine idea especially since prior games and this game demonstrated the public's interest in watching monster fights. And the goal being to fight her as the final fight is fucking egotistical and stupid- BUT- it does play into the fact that the player didn't get to fight her the whole game so it's whatever?

1:03:00 - This is both the best and worst lol.

This game has no story, like at all, it's fucking empty front to back, and only explodes with like- 1 event at the very end.

This moment is a montage of memorable moments with your 'best friend' Sparkpug. It's cinematically very nice to be honest! Even includes a moment I don't remember at the arena which probably didn't happen lol.

So visually it's cool- I dig seeing the camera zoom out as we run across the beach, and the flashback moments intersplice over us making our way to the scout memorial- that's very well done.

The content is empty lol

As I said there's no story, these moments are nothing lol

And that's that.

All said the ending was a very nice challenge to face with my team- I had to abuse items like mad but I MADE IT! It was a GOOD fight.

The rest I've already said.

On to the game as a whole:

I have issues with this game, but there's good too. It's really like 4 steps forward 6-7 steps back it's weird, it's really weird.

Positives are neat!

> First and foremost- TRAITS!

Monsters in Dragon Quest Monsters have always had a problem with keeping their identity for long. The way I'd explain it to an outsider to the series is that Monsters DO have special stat variance and intended movesets and all that jazz- but the breeding system completely and entirely destroys that relatively early into the game.

While a monster might normally have really high defense and low other stats while knowing buffing magic- breeding, EVEN UNINTENTIONALLY, will have that same monster come out with 9 billion attack and all ice magic.

Monsters in DQM have a habit of becoming canvases for the breeding effects rather than their own mons- and this is undeniably a downside. It makes the game feel unique, it doesn't 'hurt' it, but when by mid-game monsters are more easily identified as sprites rather than strengths and weaknesses or even types (family) it's a slight downer on the series.

Traits fix this a lot by making every specific monster have unchangeable traits which offer things like "immunity to x type of damage" or "higher crit chance"- it's small, but it gives each monster more identity.

> Second and secondmost- SKILLS!

The older games didn't use trees, it used each individual spell as a potential pass on during breeding.

Each monster could have 8 spells, and when you breed two monsters you pass on all 16 spells to the offspring (they don't learn them all at once, they learn them as they level up) as well as the natural spells the monster would learn by level up.

So in the older games it is really easy to end up with a refined and overpowered list of 8 spells on each of your monsters.

Now spells are tied to Skill trees and your monsters can have 3 skill trees total (which are passed on as OPTIONS when breeding).

All to say skills do a lot for removing the "Master of all, weakness of none" spell lists that the older games made trivial to make, now you have to limit your builds and be more specialized- also they added skills like "Attack up" to add more variance to a build- instead of having spells you might just have high stat buffs as skill trees.

Overall I think Skills are an improvement because coupled with Traits it makes each monster feel much more specialized and unique and less like a sprite with no identity.

> Breeding is improved.

This is very much because of skills and traits- again- but also the system is just improved in general. Instead of being told "That's a monster you haven't had before!" and judging your decisions based on the name of the offspring breed, now you get to see a small sprite of the resulting monster to help you decide- ALSO instead of getting 1 result for every combo (to the point where you have to back out and choose Monster A + Monster B and Monster B + Monster A as separate options), you now get up to 3 results to pick between for every breeding opportunity.

It's just better.

> The engine is impressive.

At least to me. This is a DS title using (from what I read) a rework of the DQ8 PS2 game's engine- it certainly looks like it.

Combat models are nice, using moves looks nice, overworld exploration looks nice- it looks nice.

Now for some negative and general nonsense- all of which is more often than not 'weird'.

> I gotta be unfair and say "The Story" first and foremost.

DQM 1 and 2 are not intense story games. They aren't.

But they both knew how to handle their story well for what they wanted to tell, I can and will praise both for their narratives because they know what they are and do it well.

DQM:J does not. It's fucking bad.

Basically: The overall story doesn't exist- you're told to be a spy, but that comes up 1 time towards the end of the game and LITERALLY doesn't matter at any other moment INCLUDING the one time it comes up.

You have NO meaningful objective from the start up until near the end of the game. You show up and have no goal- so you get told to get some crystals with no meaning behind it (not even a lie because they are clearly evil- not even a lie to motivate you! NO MEANING IS PRESENTED! JUST DO IT! TO DO THE CONTEST I GUESS! WHY? SHUT UP!)

So 90% of the game time you're not doing anything meaningful. So what about the islands? Any small narratives to keep things moving?

NO!

NOT AT ALL!

So you go 90% of the game having no real objective, just kinda wandering forward mindlessly- and then the game suddenly goes "Oh! Guy who seemed sus! He's evil! He's gonna unleash the calamity that you were 'kinda but not directly' working towards with your dog! You know, that plot point that's kept vague and paid 0% attention to the entire game? Yeah it's happening! Aaaaand you're done! GG!"

Basically there's just nothing going on in this game, it's all background noise until the last 10% of the game. And that's lame.

DQM1 had a light story- but from the very intro cutscene you have a clear objective which makes every action you do seem relevant as you are working towards that goal.

From the start of the game you know "My sister is gone! The king says a magic wish can get her back! I'll go do that!" and then you do!

DQM2 has a much better story!

You have a goal from the start (The kingdom is physically dying and you have to save it by getting a new plug!) AND it has stories for each world you visit!

THAT'S MILES BETTER! THIS GAME COULD HAVE DONE THAT FOR THE ISLANDS!

Anywho. Story is lacking and empty and lame especially when DQM2 has a similar format but does every part better- you have a clear objective you're working towards AND side stories to keep the light narrative moving!

WTH!

The spy plotline doesn't matter! It could have been used to build suspicion on who's the good guy!

The islands are so empty of story!

DQM2 has a fun mix on how a rival character works which makes every world interesting to see how they get involved!

This game has a rival that does NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

It's just such a step back from the previous games, it's weird to see DQM 1 land a solid simple story and DQM 2 build a great format to expand the story going forward- and then DQM:J just slams its head into the dirt and wipes out.

> Game's slow.

The engine switch is a good thing overall, but it makes combat slower (a lot), adds loading screens to combat (primarily), and they didn't bother speeding up the grind from previous games.

Because of the grind still existing which isn't a problem in and of itself- the game becomes SLOW AS HELL because the engine makes that grind take longer.

Also world exploration is slow which is to be expected when moving from 2d to 3d, but this is countered by adding things to the world to find or do- and Joker tries but it's still noticeable. The world exploration isn't a problem, it just stands out alongside the combat being slow as hell.

The engine change was a great thing- but it feels like they should have put more work into speeding up combat to counter the slowdown of load times and flashy animations.

A GOOD WAY TO FIX THAT MIGHT BE XP!

> Music ain't great in my opinion.

DQ has amazing music. This game has some weak renditions in my opinion. The CELL HQ theme song is a pretty good poster child for the worst there is, but just in general even the better music is lacking compared to the chiptunes of the GBC or the better mixes of the main series.

Maybe it's unfair, it's a DS game, I don't know, I just know I ended up just muting most of the game because it didn't sound great. I played the GBC games OSTs instead for a large portion of my playthrough. I listened to videos instead for the bulk of the game.

It's just not pleasant to me, sorry to say.

> XP!!!!!!!

I'm being a spoiled ass on this but yeah!

XP SUCKS IN THIS!

There aren't good placed to grind until you beat the game! (apparently)

The first level blatantly has too low xp which makes you grind before you can tackle the boss of the island- and the late game has you mindlessly grinding low xp rewards in order to be ready to face the final boss.

It's WEIRD!

Why is it so low!

> Tech is weird!

I could ramble on this alone but here's the short version:

DQ has a unique fantasy world aesthetic that each game has explored in its own way. It's basically "swords, magic, monsters, and charm- things feel light but aren't afraid to get scary sometimes :)"

This game... doesn't.

This game has fuckin' tech watches, jet skis, TOWER PCS????

This ISN'T dragon quest on a world building level.

It's like, contemporary modern world but with slimes.

And that could be good I guess, but it feels so fucking weird to see PCs right alongside swords and axes and a dracky.

Like... why?

It's a poor aesthetic according to my tastes. Maybe I'm an ass for that. The tech is weird.

All to say, in a poor rambling "I gotta get this out of me" kinda way, is Joker was fine.

I enjoyed breeding. I enjoyed seeing the engine. I enjoyed the unique additions like a 'hero monster'.

But I also had to grind mindlessly on a slower game.

I had to endure a story that forgot to show up until the very end.

I sat there thinking about replaying the older ones the whole time.

It was fine.

It's mediocre.

I'm glad I played it.

I'm done now :)

[ilovemygaydad]

Dance, Dance

Part Six: Dancing’s Not a Crime

Based off this post that you really need to read for context!

Pairings: Analogical and Royality (past sleeplogical)

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Logan, Roman, Sleep/Remy, Deceit/Dominic, October/Toby, September/Ember

Warnings: domestic abuse, swearing, sexual humor, crude comments, bullying, making out, abusive deceit, mentions of vomiting (just one word), step parents, food mentions, rejection, logan’s kind of an asshole to virgil, anxiety, panic attacks, people being shitty, and possibly something else

A/N: sorry about like,,,, taking so long for this chapter. I just got so busy and stuff... and depressed.... it’s been a hard few weeks, but I finally got this chapter done, so!! merry christmas, I guess!

Masterlist | Ask Blog | READ ON AO3

Tags: @adultmorelikeadolt @disneyfanatic77 @logan-smarter-than-you-sanders​ @punsterterry​ @mycatshuman @fluidityandgiggles​ @theunoriginaldaisy​

BZZT.

“Virgil, I’ve called you out of school today so that you can stay home for the twins’ party. Remember to finish making the food—oh, and make some extra just in case those assholes from the paper come. Make everything extra fancy. Double check that everything is spotless—don’t forget to clean up that mess on the stairs where you spilled that face mask. And call the florist to schedule the drop time.”

BZZT.

Virgil only allowed himself to groan for half of a second before he sat up and pressed the intercom button. “What else do I have to live for?”

“That’s the spirit!”

It had been just over two days since the incident with Logan, and Virgil had spent the entirety of those days with the sole mission to avoid the star. Even though he continued to tell himself that he’d never had a crush on Logan in the first place, the rejection still stung.

With a sigh, Virgil brushed his thoughts away and got up to clean. The food wouldn’t cook itself, after all, and Virgil still somewhat valued his life.

Barely.

It was honestly a miracle that Virgil hadn’t yet lost his hearing through the intense bass and Dominic’s incessant screaming--sorry, singing. The party had been raging for… a whole thirty minutes. Cool. Awesome.

Thankfully, the music cut out as Dominic announced the twins. They descended the stairs in matching orange and black, smiling and waving at the audience that was barely paying attention to them. Virgil would have laughed if he weren’t right under Dominic’s nose.

Virgil served another few crab cakes and made his way around the crowd for a couple of minutes when someone’s hands landed on his shoulders, causing him to nearly jump out of his skin. He whirled around to find Patton standing with a happy grin on his face. It took a second for Virgil to process the emotions he was feeling, but once he did, he took in Patton’s outfit. Usually, he was dressed in some funky, off-beat clothes, but Patton was wearing a beautiful light blue tiered skirt that flowed from his waist to his ankles and a sparkly silver crop top with long sleeves. If Patton had looked like a fairy at the ball, he looked like an angel now.

“Patton, what are you doing here? Oh my god, you look amazing!”

“Aw, Virge, thank you! I finished it last week, and I was waiting to show you.” Patton giggled, wrapping his arm around Virgil’s waist. “And I’m here to help, kiddo. Hand over your tray, and I’ll get started on serving these.”

“You are my hero! Okay, I’ll be right back.”

“Lo, the whole school is here! I’m sure your mystery man will be here.”

“I don’t have that much faith in you, Roman. You aren’t particularly good at staying on task--”

“Oh!” Roman gasped as his eyes fell on a beautiful boy with startlingly familiar curls. “I’ll call you back.”

“Wait, stay--”

Roman hung up the call and walked forward, straightening his gold tie as he went. Not only was it lucky that Roman had finally identified his own mysterious prince, but he would know exactly who Logan was looking for!

“Excuse me?”

The boy turned around, an almost concerned expression on his delightfully soft face. The silver eyeliner brought attention to his beautifully brown eyes. Roman might have dropped dead right then and there if he hadn’t heard the boy reply, “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want a crab cake?”

“Wh--No! No, just… Your purple highlights look extremely familiar.” The boy tilted his head ever so slightly in confusion. “You might not recognize me without my angel wings. I’m The Prince!”

“The who?”

“The Prince--You know, the dip? You can’t forget me dipping you!” Roman made an exaggerated gesture.

The boy giggled, leaning in flirtatiously. “I’m sorry, no…”

“I’m Logan Parker’s best friend!”

“Oh, is that supposed to impress me?” The fluttered eyelashes of this boy would be enough to make an entire army fall to their knees, but Roman was just too overjoyed at having found his beauty.

“I knew you were the one! It’s Patton, right?”

“Ah, a good memory, Roman.”

They laughed together for a second before Roman remembered his mission. “Oh! Is your friend here? Logan is waiting outside, and he is absolutely head over heels!”

“Virgil? Yeah, he’s here!”

“Fantastic! Go get him, and I’ll bring Logan inside. This is going to be magnificent!” He waited until Patton had run off to find Virgil to call Logan. “I found him!”

“Christ, Roman, could you be any louder?”

“Are you frowning? You had better not be frowning.”

“I am allowed to display my frustration with your antics, and your inability to stay on task.”

“God, Specs, did you not hear what I said? I found your man! He’s in here.”

“If you’re kidding, I won’t hesitate to throw you in front of a moving bus.”

Roman let out an exasperated groan. “I’m not! Just get your ass in here so I can set you and your man up and then be free to go make out with my own lovely prince. Oh, that would be a good motivator. You see, after you get with your prince, I’ll go off with my own, and we’ll find a lovely secluded place. I’ll hold his face in my hands, and we’ll slowly--”

“Ew, Jesus, Roman, shut up! I’m coming inside right now! Stop your disgusting rambling.”

“Okay, okay. See you in a minute.”

“Good bye, idiot.”

Virgil was only half way done with setting up another tray of crab cakes when Patton began to drag him out to the dance floor. He managed to grab the tray before they got out of the kitchen, luckily, and he was able to force an answer as to why he was being violently pulled around the house.

“Because Logan is here, and he wants to meet you, obviously! Roman recognized me, so he asked to bring you out here so you and Logan can get together. We’re gonna march on over there, and you’ll tell Logan that you’re his mystery guy.”

“Pat, you can’t be serious—“

“Oh, dear! That poor man over there looks very hungry. Good bye!” Patton gently shoved Virgil in front of Logan and turned away.

Virgil looked up and made eye contact with Logan. Shit…

“Um, hello there…?”

“Hey,” Virgil said. “Uh, crab cake?” He held the tray out as an offering because holy shit he didn’t want to do this.

“No, thank you. I’m actually looking for someone.” Logan paused, leaning in a bit closer. “Have you seen a guy here who can dance like nobody you’ve ever seen before?”

“Actually, yeah, I have. It’s actually kind of funny, since I—“

“My name is Victoria Santiago.”

No. Virgil spun around to face the TV screen. Ember, Toby, and Remy were all smirking at him.

“I’d like to send this video to Logan Parker.”

This can’t be real.

“Totally kissable.”

A hand settled on his shoulder. “Is… Is that you?”

Everyone is laughing at you.

Stalker.

Creep.

Without a second thought, Virgil ripped himself from Logan’s grasp and ran out the patio door, grabbing his hoodie from the coat rack as he went. Tears were running in tracks down his face, but he couldn’t stop them. Choked sobs escaped him as he collapsed into one of the deck chairs. He was humiliated.

The patio door squeaked as it opened, and Virgil jumped over one of the short hedges and covered his mouth. It would only be worse if someone saw him like this. Footsteps echoed softly and stopped.

“Virgil?” Of course, it was Logan. “I know you’re out here. I just… I need to talk to you.” Virgil didn’t make a sound. “Please. I have spent an entire week looking for you, and I am not going to let one childish prank ruin my opportunity. Where are you?”

Virgil accidentally let out a rogue whimper, and although he clamped his hand over his mouth, he knew that Logan had heard him. He resigned himself to his crying and let his head fall to his knees while Logan walked over.

“Would you like me to engage in physical contact with you, or would you like me to just sit?”

“Sit,” Virgil gruffly commanded.

There was a bit of rustling as Logan sat down, but it soon fell quiet. Logan was sitting rather close, but he imagined that it was because he didn’t know how to properly care for someone having a panic attack. They sat in perfect silence until Virgil had mostly calmed down.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

There was an awkward pause as Logan thought of what to say. Virgil peeked through his bangs at the boy next to him.

“So… You are the one I danced with at the ball.”

“Yep.”

“And I,” Logan groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “God, I was a complete asshole to you.”

“Yep.”

“I’m very sorry about that, Virgil. As Roman would say, it was rather ungentlemanly of me. I mean, you seem so nice and kind compared to the twins, so I really should have given you the benefit of the doubt—“

“Look, Logan…” Virgil properly lifted his head, making direct eye contact with his companion. “You don’t have to humor me. I’m not some charity case, and I certainly don’t need your pity.”

Logan looked horrified. “No! I would never do that to someone. I like you for you, Virgil. You are very kind and genuine and handsome, and it would be an absolute pleasure to get to know you more. This is not pity; I swear.”

“Oh… Okay.”

“Really? I lay out my feelings, and you just say, ‘okay?’” A small smile formed on Logan’s face.

“Well, shit, man. What did you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. Maybe that I’m ‘totally kissable?’”

Virgil felt his face flush. “Woah, hold up! I was—That was years ago! Remember, I also thought that I was a girl at the time, so my judgement was obviously clouded, so…”

“That’s too bad because I think that you’re totally kissable.” Logan signed dramatically and looked up at the sky like a protagonist in an edgy young adult novel.

“Really?” His voice wasn’t much more than a whisper.

“Of course. You are rather cute.”

“Yeah, right.”

Logan turned his head, and a deadly smirk played at his lips. “Would you like me to prove it?”

“God, yes.” Virgil leaned in a bit, allowing Logan to cup his cheek gently as they met for a kiss.

It was sweet and soft. It was the perfect first kiss. Virgil was the first one to pull away, and he was glad that he caught the pouty look on Logan’s face for just a second before it returned to normal.

“That was… satisfactory.”

“Just shut up and kiss me, nerd.”

Chapter Seven