#guilty as sin was the first song in the album I immediately thought was PERFECT for kc

[definedareasofuncertainty]

hi frienddd❤️ (im totally gonna spam your ask box but feel free to choose whichever lyric you wanna use)

guilty as sin

messy top lip kiss , how i long for our trysts

without ever touching his skin , how can i be guilty as sin

Also for @galvanizedfriend who asked for these lyrics too

-

She wasn’t doing anything wrong.

In fact, she wasn’t even doing anything. It wasn’t as if she had acted upon any of the… interesting ideas her brain had decided to come up with to torment her late at night. She would chalk it all up to some temporary insanity and, honestly, given the amount of trauma and stress she had gone through ever since she had literally died and come back as a creature of nightmares… it wasn’t as if she could be blamed.

Right?

Caroline held back a sigh, slumping in her chair as she gripped tight onto the table, careful not to break it in her frustration. She could leave. She should leave. Except… she had decided being home all alone was too dangerous given the directions her mind had started to wander, and she could really use the distraction of being around other people.

If only the person she was trying to distract herself from hadn’t decided on a night out as well.

Klaus was shooting pool, out of all things. His siblings playing against him. It seemed almost unreal watching these creatures who seemed to be older than time squabbling and bickering. But what looked very real was Klaus’ backside every time he leaned towards the table.

She bit her lowerlip, her traitorous eyes refusing to look away. God. This was getting ridiculous.

Awful, despicable men who ran her (now ex) boyfriend out of town should not have perfect shoulder-to-waist ratio. Their shirts should not cling to their biceps like that. And they most definitely weren’t allowed to have curls like an angel’s falling over their forehead like that.

She watched as he threw some barb or another after a perfect shot, transfixed. And her gaze must have been burning holes into his back, because he turned around, searching her. And curving his lips into the most sinful smirk when he caught her staring.

Caroline bit down a groan.

He was awful. Terrible. Disgusting. She had to remember that.

Even if Tyler was off to god knows where with god knows who. Even if he had broken up with her through a phone call. Even if her bed felt far too empty and lonely and cold. And even if her mind had become particularly creative and convincing and really, what would a thousand years of experience even feel like?

And maybe, if she just went there once to get this itching done with, she could get this out of her head and move on and-

Nope. Not going there.

She forced herself to close her eyes, even as her breath quickened, images pouring in her brain in flashes of kisses and entangled limbs and the overwhelming scent of him. And-

Caroline opened her eyes to find Klaus sitting across from her at her table, a knowing smile on his lips.

“Good evening, love.”

[toomanytentacles]

JON BON BRADY, an essay

This is the text of the recorded essay presented by Elbee Bargeron on Episode 43 of the Splathouse Podcast. Click below to hear the episode https://soundcloud.com/user-616846084/splathouse43-double-feature-suburban-commando-1991-the-brady-bunch-movie-1995

Has anyone given much thought to actor Jack Noseworthy lately? Back in the 90s, he was kinda a big deal breaking out in a starring role on MTV’s teen sci-fi series DEAD AT 21 — but what many critics can agree on is there was another role that solidified him as a bonafide movie star: his turn as angry grunge rocker Eric Dittmeyer in 1995’s THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE. It was a role that, to some, may seem static or insignificant, but in reality, directly led him to probably the most noteworthy Noseworthy appearance of the decade. So, as much of a cinematic masterpiece as THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE so obviously is, we don't dare stop there. Because within the same year, Jack actually reprised the role with a sinister twist in the most unlikely of places, the music video for Bon Jovi’s single, “Always.”

Caution: all of what I’m about to tell you is true.

Now we all know the story of Bon Jovi — after the success of two studio albums and extensive touring, the boys found themselves fatigued by being so beloved by everyone all over the world, and took a bit of a hiatus in the late 1980s — only to come back triumphantly a few years later with newsworthy short haircuts and a much more “mature” sound — and acting as inspiration for MTV’s “Unplugged” series along the way. They released one more studio album followed by a greatest hits record which featured a lot of their hits and a new single they would soon call a hit, the song “Always.”

Jon Bon Jovi knew he had a hit song on his hands with “Always,” and as such, knew he needed a hit music video to go along with it. He wanted something...edgy. Hot. And Sexy. Jon conceived a video so steamy that his band mates cautioned against it. After all, MTV had previously banned their video “Living in Sin” for being too explicit. But, Jon argued, after he basically invented the highly successful “Unplugged” for MTV, they pretty much were obligated to show anything he wanted, and production went forward.

So Jon was a big fan of The Brady Bunch, and you can read all about that in his memoir ROCKY ROAD: THE JON BON JOVI STORY AS TOLD BY ME, JON BON JOVI that I’ve so kindly provided for you in the footnotes (footnotes have been lost). So when THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE debuted, Jon was taken aback. He, like everyone else who saw the film, became immediately enamored with it, and recognized the brilliance of its one true star, the incomparable Jack Noseworthy. Jon saw a bit of himself in the character of Eric Dittmeyer, and thought him a perfect fit for the message he was trying to convey with “Always” — that love is passionate and violent, and the crazy things we do for it could potentially haunt us. Essentially, this was the logical progression of the character — Jon knew this, and now he wanted the rest of us to know it.

The premise of the “Always” music video is cut and dry. Our bad boy hero Noseworthy aka Dittmeyer is sulking alone in his room remembering a lost love. He holds a photograph of her in his hands, and we can see from his forlorn gaze that he is heartbroken. But -- there’s more to it than that. The nuance displayed in the first 25 seconds of this video is crucial; not only is Dittmeyer sad, he seems stricken by grief -- a grief that is possibly (probably) brought on by guilt. We’re transported from his bedroom to his memories, starting with the day the photo was taken.

At this point, we would be remiss to mention the rest of the now legendary cast featured in this now legendary music video. Carla Gugino, fresh from her role in a film as equally great and universally adored as THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE, the Pauly Shore vehicle SON IN LAW, plays Dittmeyer’s girlfriend; and newcomer Keri Russell -- who up until this time had only been cast as adolescent girls in projects like HONEY I BLEW UP THE KIDS and BOY MEETS WORLD, and who was looking for a way to break out into more sophisticated entertainment -- is Carla’s roommate. Rounding out the cast is indie darling Jason Wiles, who -- hipsters, take note -- also starred in projects by both Robert Rodriguez and Noah Baumbach during this time, making him the perfect choice for Dittmeyer’s baby-faced rival. Clearly, Jon Bon Jovi’s casting choices were -- as many critics agreed -- inspired.

But, back to the video. Here we are in Dittmeyer’s memories, reminded of what a rebel he is as we see he and Carla making out in his classic Oldsmobile 88 convertible while speeding away into oncoming traffic. Both of them fit the cliche of “young and free,” a love that makes everything else in the world irrelevant. But a love so hot can burn out fast, so we know we must be in for a tumultuous ride with this couple. Dittmeyer enjoys photographing his girlfriend, but what he really loves is taking video of her. Carla is an attractive and empowered young woman, so she has no problems dancing and acting sexy for her boyfriend, and no doubt does she find this kind of play enticing. They fall into bed together with the video camera still recording -- a fact cleverly made apparent to us with a full zoom to the camera lens sitting idle on the arm of a chair.

The story progresses quickly as we are now treated to a memory of the couple attending a rave party together, both of them dressed in scandalous outfits and moussed hair; they get down and dirty with each other on the dancefloor, and when they return home -- still fueled by the drugs they have undoubtedly consumed -- they unknowingly awaken Keri who had fallen asleep on the couch. The couple retreat to Carla’s bedroom as Keri stretches and flips on the television. And here’s where Bon Jovi decided to make it interesting: Dittmeyer’s video camera, still running, is connected to the living room TV. So when Keri sleepily turns on the television, she is shocked fully awake as she sees her roommate initiate sloppy sex with her boyfriend.

We can pause for a moment and reflect a bit more about Jon Bon Jovi’s vision for Eric Dittmeyer. According to his memoir ROCKY ROAD THE STORY OF JON BON JOVI AS TOLD BY ME JON BON JOVI, Jon knew Dittmeyer was a sleaze, and wanted to echo that in this video. We noted before that Jon had seen a bit of himself in the character, which means that Jon definitely had some demons he needed to deal with. Dittmeyer, as it turns out, had been, and seemingly always would be a two-timer. We can support this with the following evidence: Dittmeyer didn’t “accidentally” leave his video camera running. There had always been sexual tension between he and Keri --  we know Dittmeyer’s type has to be women with long curly hair, proven by his interest in Marissa Ribisi’s character in THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE, so no doubt could he resist the allure of Keri “soon-to-be Felicity” Russell. He knew that if Keri saw how great he was in bed with Carla that she wouldn’t be able to turn down a future tryst with him. And ya know, it worked.

Carla is outraged when she returns from the grocery store and sees a live display of the two of them canoodling, again, on the living room TV. She throws the bag of groceries at them in the bedroom and runs out, leaving the apartment and running down the street. Enter Jason, an artist friend of theirs -- and just maybe one of Carla’s old flames -- who sees her on the street and invites her up to his loft. He has her pose for a painting, they both remove their shirts, and we cut to the next morning when Carla wakes up alone in his bed. She’s feeling guilty and calls Dittmeyer to pick her up, but when he arrives all hell breaks loose when he realizes she’s slept with Jason: he throws a tantrum of gigantic proportion, throwing furniture and destroying the painting, but the worst is still yet to come. Carla tells him, effectively, to talk to her hand, and tries to leave the building. But Dittmeyer has already tritely made up his mind that if he can’t have her no one will, and uses what we can only assume is paint thinner to set off a fiery explosion that kills Carla but he’s able to walk away from entirely unscathed.

We now leave Dittmeyer’s memories and return to the beginning of the video where he is staring at Carla’s photograph. He’s missing her greatly, and his guilt manifests as he hallucinates her standing in his doorway. He reaches to her but she fades away, a literal ghost that lives only in his mind.

Jon Bon Jovi married his high school sweetheart Dorothea in 1989, and although they share a love that won’t ever die, we can’t help but wonder who Jon modeled this destructive love story after. Why would Jon feel such a connection to a sleaze like Eric Dittmeyer? Frankly, it’s a love tryst with himself. Jon laid out an entire chapter in his memoir ROCKY ROAD THE JON BON JOVI STORY AS TOLD BY ME JON BON JOVI on how he had been secretly obsessed with Shakespearean tragedy in his youth, but had to cover that with a tuff persona to remain cool to his New Jersey heavy metal friends. He loved those tragic characters because they had flaws, and he respected them for that. So, along came THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE -- a Shakespearean tragedy in its own right -- and the character of Dittmeyer spoke to him on a whole other level. He was a rocker, just like him. He drove a convertible and had a bad attitude, just like him. He was into girls with long curly hair, definitely just like him. And Jon felt none of his Jersey friends ever understood him or his passion for art and culture, just as Dittmeyer’s friends never fully understood him.

When Jon asked Jack Noseworthy to meet with him about the role, he was nervous and excited. He didn’t want to let on how much he needed Jack to be this character again, to act out his own youthful grief and regret using Jack as a surrogate. Jon wanted validation after so many years hiding his love for high art beneath tight pants, superfluous scarves, and feathered locks -- and besides, he had already hinted at a more sensitive side of himself when originating the intimate acoustic concert series “Unplugged” for MTV all on his own and by the way, gave it away for free -- so when Noseworthy agreed to reprise this character, Jon was ecstatic. They conceptualized the character together -- it was actually Jack who came up with the idea for Dittmeyer to destroy Jason’s painting of Carla, a symbol of Jon’s regret of hiding all of his delicate emotions from his more macho friends. It was, in a word, cathartic.

So, thanks to forgotten actor Jack Noseworthy, THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE, and the video for “Always,” Jon Bon Jovi was finally given the intellectual credit he always wanted and deserved. Rest in peace, Jon. We’ll always love you, forever and a day.