#haibara will always be the boy with the warmest smile in her heart

[usagimen]

                         anon:       what exactly was nature of sayuri's relationship with haibara?

      He was very much someone she loved, while not romantic wise, Haibara acted as an introduction into a new world. First year Sayuri was someone who was detached, she did not know how to live amongst others outside of her clan. Think of it in the term of Gojo, she was not permitted to leave Kyoto or the world she was born into till the age of sixteen, where as a thin political scheme, her freedom was viewed as an act of goodwill. Naturally, she was reluctant to speak or engage with others her age, she was also harboring all the inner mechanisms of the Kobayashi family && fiercely keeping them guard. Haibara didn’t care for that, he was warm, kind, genuine.

           She adored to hear him speak about his little sister or slowly find herself integrating into this atmosphere with others her age who were closely tied together. It is very much the representation of innocence, the bright summer && constant laughter, the carelessness that comes with being a teenager, first crushes, experiencing growth && the devastation that comes when innocence is shattered. His death does not symbolize a realization but confirmation that try as she might, the inevitable of tragedy && senseless violence is persistent, those who are kind will be devoured.  It’s that very tangible moment where Sayuri understood, despair is all she will know, it’s inherited && she is powerless to stop it but she will try like a foolish girl. Haibara was too pure in her eyes, though, so was Nanami thus she acted as the catalyst in youth who embraced the knowledge she could never be on their level.

       That is her love for each one, embracing such horror to weaponize it, she just wishes there was a way to preserve that time for each one. Ironically, Haibara is not who she sees in Shibuya, it is Mahito but that’s another headcanon as to what her ascension into godhood entails. There are a lot of what ifs when it comes to Haibara along with guilt which is gutwrenching since they were all teenagers, none should carry such a vicious wound. He is the part of her that reminds her to remain soft, the one thing that fuels her to not perverse the memory of the dead with hatred, like most who haunt her so does Yuu. It’s not in the sense she is agonizing but remembering to stay kind, dull her tongue that can be too sharp && remember what it felt to love without any limitations.