#half of everyone who knows them thinks they're completely flushed bc of how much he loveflirts with sol

[scorittanius]

it would appear i've given soleil a kis-sprit.. ><3

[anxietalyn]

ACL reconstruction

so. last week on Tuesday I got ACL surgery, and I've looked on a few tags on Tumblr for tips and what to expect. but, I didn't find a lot, and when I did they weren't really descriptive. so ima do one to maybe help some folks out. this is tips and my experience so far.

Edit: this turned out waaaay longer than I thought it would

THIS IS ALL BASED ON MY SURGERY AND RECOVERY. I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT WILL GO. I WENT TO A TOP ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON BC MY FAMILY HAD HEARD A LOT ABOUT MY DUDE AND THEY TOOK MY INSURANCE(he turns out to be one of the top orthopedic surgeons in Texas. If you live in the Houston, Texas area, the dude is Dr. Barrett Brown at Fondren Orthopedic Group in the medical center. whoop.) :

if you have the time, money, and availability, go to therapy a few weeks before the surgery. it'll strengthen the muscles in the injured leg, and the leg that isn't going under the knife. it'll help you after the surgery when you're having to use crutches or a walker. trust me on that. I was going to therapy 7 1/2 before my surgery. my orthopedic said that I should've gone at least six weeks.

when I went to therapy for the first time after tearing my ACL and MCL back in October, he was concerned. *I was also in a wheelchair for ten days*.

don't do that

I wish I would've looked up how or asked a family who is a doctor how to use crutches. because I was miserable in that wheelchair. my muscles in my left leg(injured leg) shrinked because they weren't used in a week and a half. and my leg muscles are pretty strong for my height and weight. that was the most difficult part of therapy leading up to last Tuesday. the fact that my strength and body changed.

if you're learning how to use them, or they are unavailable for a day or so, go ahead and use a wheelchair. bc, I'll be honest, it is a lot easier.

You might be at the hospital for a while before they take you in. I was told to be at my surgeon's office at 9:30, and I wasn't taken back for prep until 13:00(1:00pm)

You might also be in the prep area for a bit.. but there is where you get the hospital dress, no-slide socks, a "fall risk" bracelet(which I should've gotten when I started to walk when I was little bc I'm hella clumsy), your IV, I was offered a numbing shot for the area of the IV but I dunno if that's universal

if you have a family member or friend back there with you, ask for them to distract you. I had my goofy brother to make faces at me

if you are offered that numbing shot, they will tell you this, but for about ten seconds it burns like hell

at my hospital, everyone who would be in the OR had to come introduce themselves before surgery, so if you have any questions, ask! they are there to answer your questions. no matter if you think they're stupid.

my Anesthesiologist(the dude who gives the knock out juice) came over, asked if this is my first surgery, and when I told him yes, he explained EVERYTHING. He said that all the folks in the room(for me it was 6) would come by, ask my name, birthday, what was happening during the surgery, and which leg. he then said that the anaesthesia I would get was a non-narcotic which is to help you not throw up after surgery(which I didn't).

five more people then introduced themselves

when they were wheeling me to the OR, they said it would be cold so they gave me a second blanket

they wheeled me up to the table, had me crawl onto it, had a foam pillow for my head, and extended arm holders for my arms to lay outta the way

Steve(anesthesiologist) then asked if I was ready, I said I was scared. one of the nurses then held my hand as he put in the knock out juice. he then said I did good, and to help the anaesthesia work faster, put an oxygen over my nose and mouth until I was out.(last thing I remember)

when I woke up, I was still in the OR, but I was incredibly dis-oriented. I know ASL, so I started signing "want brother" over and over. none of the OR folks knew what I was signing, so they found someone who knows a little ASL and they interpreted what i was signing

they told my that I had to wait for a little bit so they could check to make sure my vitals and wrap up my leg(it's a 30 minute waiting period)

when my parents came in, I was offered sprite(You can't eat anything after ten o'clock the night before, or drink anything(even water) after midnight.) because my sugar level was low

!!!start drinking water a week before the surgery!!!it's so much more difficult to find a good vein for the IV!!! my grandma was poked seven times in different places to find a good juicy vein!!!

the anaesthesia will most likely make you feel weird.

I called everyone cute. everyone. nurse, doctor, patient, people who I don't know. everyone. I asked my nurse out on a date. I told my mom who Is married she's jealous of my "mad flirting skills"

You need to eat something on your way home. I stopped and got soup to-go. I recommend soup, just because it is easy on the tummy

You will not have an appetite for at least a week. regardless, you need to eat protein during recovery bc it'll help your Incision.

I keep repeating this but. YOU NEED TO EAT. YOU WILL NOT FEEL LIKE IT. BUT EAT. I AM AN 18-YEAR OLD AND I GO TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE SO I STAYED HOME. I HAD THREE PEOPLE TELLING ME TO EAT. AND ONE WHO FORCED ME TO EAT. GET YOU SOMEONE THAT WILL MAKE YOU EAT WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

your leg will hurt. there's no way to sugar coat. it will hurt a lot.

find something to distract yourself. my Alma Mater was in the state championship for football, and I love football and star wars. I watched The Force Awakens an ungodly amount, that I could quote every. single. character.

just find things to do that you don't need to exert yourself too much. I like colouring books, reading, and watching movies. just have something to do while you recover. please.

you'll get prescribed four things: pain medicine, meds for muscle spasms, meds to help with nausea, and a shot that helps prevent blood clots in my leg while I can't move it regularly

I'm about six days into recovery, and the shots are the worst part currently.

The first three to four days are the worst of it. your nerves are waking up, you're getting used to not bending your knee, your learning how to walk again. they are just bad.

take the pain med when your pain level is a 3 or 4 on a 1-10 scale. it'll kick in right before it gets too bad

on that note. DON'T LET SOMEONE TELL YOU HOW BAD YOU HURT. YOUR BODY. YOUR PAIN. EVERYONE'S PAIN TOLERENCE IS DIFFERENT.

when you stand, it will hurt.

when you put pressure on it, it will hurt.

when you move it, it will hurt.

when you hit it(on anything), it will hurt.

when you have to adjust the brace strap that is riiiiight on top of the incision, it will hurt like no other.

that pain, will pass.

I PROMISE you that the pain will reduce. in the moment it may seem like your leg is on fire, but fight on, Strong Warrior. fight on.

elevate your leg from behind your ankle

elevate when ever you can. you're told to, and 10/10 recommend it because it will reduce swelling

you're gonna swell anyways. a little bit of swelling is normal. it's your body trying to heal it's self.

don't take Ibuprofen: it flushed out the good things that the swelling is bringing to heal your body

ice your knee. ice. ice. ice. it will help with over swelling

you don't HAVE to elevate your foot while you sleep though.

You will not sleep for a couple nights. it will suck. it will be frustrating. and it will awful. last night was the first night since Tuesday(it's a Monday) that I got more than four hours of sleep. You will eventually get sleep though. and personally, I was able to take small naps during the day.

I personally, have self-harm scars on my left thigh. so I was slightly uncomfortable with people being around them. You'll have to have someone wrap an ace bandage around your leg(mine is wrapped from my ankle to mid thigh.). Have someone you are comfortable with touching them wrap your leg.

You may not always be fully comfortable during recovery, but try to get as comfy as you can

Go to physical therapy.

it will help(and it's prescribed)

and for goodness sake. Do your at home exercises they give you. they seem like a waste of time, but they honestly do help.

find a PT group you like. **look on your insurance to find a place that is "in network". it'll cost a whole bunch less.**

for PT it's completely okay to go to different people until you feel comfortable. You will do so much better when you're with someone you trust and can tell they know their shit.

I'm curious by nature, and my therapist has the alphabet behind his name. so if you get a card, Google the letters!

for example, the alphabet behind his name is: PT, DPT, FAAOMPT. When I searched them, I found that PT is the good ol' fashioned Physical Therapist. DPT is Doctorate of Physical Therapy. and FAAOMPT is  American Academy of Orthopedic Manual Physical Therapists("The “Fellow” is a physical therapist who has demonstrated advanced clinical, analytical, and hands-on skills in the treatment of musculoskeletal orthopedic disorders and is internationally recognized for their competence and expertise in the practice of manual physical therapy." Basically, my dude knows his shit).

Warning though, if you're curious about what a certain exercise does, and you ask,they might touch your body and physically show you what muscle the exercise works. and while you're doing an exersice, if you're doing it wrong, they will fix your position themself. this is why I say find someone your comfortable with. They are very hands on. I was lucky because the first one I went to, we hit it off. we both have mutual interests, and he isn't annoyed when I sass him. he sasses me back.

In pictures of me within a couple weeks of the operation, you can see how swollen my foot is. the brace I have is a pretty general brace, and it I locked straight. I cannot bend my leg while I have it on. under it is two ace bandages, and then on my incision there is a steri-strip. My nurse said not to touch it/try to remove it because it's keeping it clean and helping it heal. I got four holes in my knee for a camera and tools. the graph that is now my ACL is from my Patellar tendon, so the incision is between 6-8 inches.

I'll continue to update this as my recovery continues. and if you have any questions, feel free to message or send me an ask!

[area50dununiverse]

Prompt: j+e were raised in a very conservative home and went to a very conservative school and never spoke about sex at all. But one day their parents hear them giggling about something and force them to tell them what thinking they were up to no good to which they describe this thing they found that feels really good which to their parents horror is touching each other bc they only ever heard how babies are made and don't realise what they're doing is sexual cue pure angst as they're separated

Hello! I don’t know about this one, it all seemed a lot better in my head!! I really hope it’s okay!!!!!!

I hope you like it :) 

Read below as always XX

John’s mouth fell open, his muscles were tense and he couldn’t breathe, talk or think. All he could do was make a pathetic little squall, his legs twitching, body aching and a strange tightness in the pit of his stomach.

Edward stopped and looked at him, half smiling, half nervous. “Okay? Does it hurt?” He asked, still holding John. John’s hips involuntary twitched up into Edward’s hand, the tightness and the ache fading slightly.John nodded, panting out a “yeah, yeah it’s good” while his hips gave another twitch, desperate for Edward to just move again. “It feels like-” John tried to breathe, his brain trying to concentrate on anything other than Edward’s hand “something is building up, like, I dunno, something’s going to happen?”

Edward frowned at him and whispered “what?” But John didn’t know, couldn’t put it into words, everything was so strange, so good. “Here-” John mumbled, taking hold of Edward and stroking him quickly. Edward’s head fell back, his eyes closing.“Yeah that’s-” Edward whined, arching his back and pushing into John. “Oh god, it’s… It’s-”“I know” John grinned, watching Edward, momentarily forgetting about his own pleasure.

Edward was completely flushed and John knew something was going to happen, he could feel it. They had never done anything like this before, it hadn’t even entered John’s mind to touch himself like this, but he had started to wake up in the mornings uncomfortable and stiff. He had naturally panicked because he didn’t know what was happening to him. After the third time it happened, he had nervously asked Edward about it, asking if he should see a doctor.Edward’s eyes widened and he told him that the same thing had happened to him a few times, reaching for John’s quilt and pulling it off for a better look.

That’s when Edward had touched him. He had, of course, asked John first before John nodded because who cared if Edward touched him? They had seen each other naked countless of times. John was surprised at the pleasant feeling running through his body as Edward held him, looking for any indication of how to help him.He had moaned and told Edward about how good it felt and soon, Edward was in the same state as him, confused but feeling good.

“It’s so weird” John mumbled, watching Edward pant and buck his hips. Edward suddenly opened his eyes, wider than John had ever seen, inhaling a sharp intake of breath and John could actually feel his dick twitching in his hand before something happened that John was not expecting.

John went to pull his hand away, some sticky substance getting on him, but Edward grabbed him and put his hand right back, wrapping it around himself again and crying out. John watched with wide eyes, not sure what the hell was happening to him.

He had gone red, bright red, all over and he looked like he was in pain. Edward suddenly pushed John’s hand away with a small whimper and smiled at him, completely out of breath. “Let me-” Edward’s hand was back on John and he wasn’t even sure he wanted whatever that was to happen to him.

But that feeling was back and he couldn’t think of anything other than what was happening down there.

John felt that familiar tightening and he could hear Edward giggling before he suddenly couldn’t breathe. He was shaking and panting, every nerve in his body tingling. He felt like he was on fire and couldn’t see or hear anything but he was sure he was shouting.Suddenly everything felt too much and he needed Edward to stop so he pushed him away, feeling like his arm had weights tied to it.

“See?” Edward grinned, his eyes alight. John felt like jelly, completely boneless and so sleepy.“What the hell?” John smiled, closing his eyes. Edward laughed and so did John as he fell asleep.

John still felt amazing when he woke up a few hours later. It was midday and he was hungry. Edward was stirring beside him so he poked him to wake him up before getting up. Edward stretched and groaned, mumbling something about wanting food.“I feel nice” Edward smiled, making John laugh.“Me too” he added, turning his body to face Edward “that was crazy! What even was that Edward?”

Edward shrugged. “You were so loud!” He laughed.“It was so good” John giggled “so good!” John watched Edward for a moment before giving him a sly smile. “Shall we do it again?”Edward quickly nodded, brimming with excitement. John laughed again, a fit of the giggles taking him over, high-pitched and hysterical. He felt giddy and excited and he could feel the same tingling down there.

“What’s going on?” John heard their mum ask as their bedroom door opened. She put down a pile of clean clothes and looked at them with a small smile. “What are you up to? I’ve seen that look before and it always means trouble.”“We found the best thing!” Edward all but shouted at her “it was crazy mum!”

“Yeah” John added, “me and Edward did this thing, and it was like an explosion of-”“Feeling good” Edward butted in, finishing his sentence “and I thought I was going to die but it was a good feeling”

“What are you talking about?” Susannah asked, her face confused.“Like this-” John said, pulling on Edward’s bottoms and taking hold of him, only pumping his hand once before their mum was shouting at him, rushing forwards to grab him.John yelped as she pulled him away, making him fall off the bed. “What are you doing?” She shouted, “you can’t do that!”“Yeah we can, it worked last time,” John told her, confused by her outburst.

“You’re brothers” she stressed, gently pulling John to his feet and not letting go of his wrist.John looked at Edward and frowned. What was her problem?“Edward, stay there,” Susannah said as she lead John out of the room.“What’s wrong?” John asked, following her downstairs and sitting on the sofa at her gesture. “I’m calling your aunt Mary, I think you need to stay with her a few days.”

John nodded. He didn’t fully understand the situation but he loved staying with their aunt as she had horses and was generally quite cool. He wondered if Edward was packing a bag for them and wondered if he had known they were going the whole time.“Why am I down here?” John asked as she dialled the phone number. Susannah ignored him and left the room as soon as the phone was picked up on the other end.Edward appeared in the doorway and John smiled telling him “we’re going to Mary’s”

“I love it there!” Edward grinned “can I come down now?”John shrugged at him because he didn’t know “thought you were packing?” Edward sat next to John on the sofa and shook his head.“I didn’t know we were going,” he said just as their mother returned from the kitchen.

“Edward, didn’t I tell you to stay upstairs?”“Why?” Edward frowned “when are we going to Mary’s?”John suddenly sensed that there was something wrong. Their mum looked angry, maybe even sad and he didn’t know why. “Why are we even going? Is something wrong?” He asked, worried now.

“Just-” Susannah sighed “go upstairs and pack a bag, Edward I need you to come to the shop with me, the bags will be heavy.”John and Edward looked at each other with a frown. What was with her? “Now please?” She snapped, making them jump into action.

John ran upstairs and heard the front door shut as Edward left with their mum. He mindlessly picked up a few things and stuffed them in a bag. He packed Edward’s clothes too, knowing what he liked to wear.

John sat waiting for Edward and their mum to return. It had almost been an hour and he was starting to worry.There was a knock at the door so he went and answered, seeing Mary instead of Edward.“Ready?” She smiled, as soon as John opened the door.John shook his head “Edward’s not back. Mum needed his help at the shop.”

John watched her smile falter for a second. “Grab your bag and pop it in the car.” She told him, taking out her phone. John headed upstairs and grabbed his and Edward’s bag before heading back down and taking it to the car. “John, let’s just go, your mum will bring Edward once they’re done,” Mary said, opening the passenger door for him.“I don’t want to leave without Edward.” John frowned. He didn’t understand why everyone was acting so strange all of a sudden.

“Just get in.” Her voice was a warning, so John did as she asked. She started the car and pulled out of the driveway and John thought about asking what was even happening. He wondered if someone had died, an elderly relative passing was the reason for last time he and Edward were sent off to stay with Mary.They got to the end of the road when John saw Edward walking with their mum, both hands full of bags. “There he is!” John smiled “we can grab him now, I have his stuff.” They stopped at the red lights and Edward looked over the road, his face lighting up as he saw John in the car.

John waved and saw Edward’s face fall as their mum said something to him. “Why aren’t we stopping?” John frowned as they started moving again “he’s there, look.” Edward looked panicked and John saw their mum hold onto his arm as he took a few strides towards the road.“Edward isn’t coming. It’s going to be just you and me!” she said, trying to sound positive and happy but somehow failing. John panicked and looked over the road to where Edward was standing. “What?” He wailed “I’m not leaving without him,” he said, trying the door and finding it locked. He looked back at Mary “please” he mumbled “don’t take me away from him. This is kidnap!”

She gave him a sad look before John looked back at Edward, the car stopping behind the slow traffic. Edward was upset, he could see it in his face. “Ed!” John shouted, tapping the window “Mum! Ed!”“John, calm down,” Mary told him gently “it’s just for a week or two.”“What?” John snapped, his chest feeling tight, “that’s the whole half term! Mum said a few days!” The car started moving again, turning the corner and away from Edward.John watched Edward disappear out of sight and sunk down in his seat, tears falling.

“John, darling,” Mary said, her voice soft “don’t be upset, we’ll have fun.” John didn’t answer her, just stared out of the window thinking about Edward. He wondered how he had taken the news and wiped his face, trying to keep himself from crying even more.

It wasn’t a long drive back but the car was completely silent the whole way. They headed inside and John asked if he could go upstairs to his room before dinner.“I’ve made your bed” Mary smiled sadly, watching John leave.He sat on the bed and sighed. It was too quiet. He was lonely and it was horrible because he had never felt lonely before. He didn’t know what to do, or why he was even there and he missed Edward.

John sat and cried, at a loss of what to do. He didn’t know how long he was sitting there for before there was a knock at the door and Mary stepped in. “John?” She held out her phone, and told him “Edward is on the phone.”John snapped his head up and snatched the phone from her, his heart pounding. “Edward?” He asked, pressing the phone to his ear. Mary left the room and John laid down, curling up on his bed.“John, mum said it’s because of what we done.” Edward said, his voice shaky. “She said we need time apart because we can’t be doing sexual things.”

John had no idea what was that even meant. They weren’t being sexual, no way. They were two boys. “isn’t sex like, to make a baby?” John asked, missing Edward even more now that he could hear him.“She’s on her way over to talk to you, to explain. Although I still don’t get it.” Edward told him “I miss you John and I don’t think it was wrong.” Edward sounded like he had been crying and that made John feel even worse.“I don’t get it.” John mumbled, feeling sick. They stayed silent for a few seconds before Edward asked: “how long are you there for?”

John couldn’t hold it any longer and cried, trying to get his words out to answer the question. “Two weeks” he sobbed. “I don’t want to be apart”.“She’s wrong,” Edward said, referring to their mother. John didn’t answer, just let himself cry down the phone, feeling stupid and sad.

“I miss you” Edward repeated and John could hear that he was crying too. “We’ve never been apart before.”“Maybe mum will let me come home?” John suggested hopefully.“Maybe. I don’t think we can do that anymore John” Edward said with a sigh.

“I think mums here-” John sat up and strained his ears. He could hear her voice and footsteps coming up the stairs. “She’s coming. Can you call back later?”“I don’t know if I’m allowed” Edward grumbled and John sighed.“Okay, I’ll speak to you as soon as I can,” John said, not wanting to hang up.“John-”“Yeah?” John heard Mary and his mum in the hall and pressed the phone harder to his ear, not wanting to let Edward go.“I love you.” Edward told him sadly, crying again.“I love you too” John croaked before hanging up just as the door opened.

They walked in and John looked towards the window, watching some birds fly across the sky. “John, I know you’re mad but-”“Take me home.” John said, still not looking at anyone. He couldn’t, he was too angry and confused and he didn’t want to cry. The bed dipped as Susannah sat down beside him.“It’s for the best. What you did was wrong and you need to take some time apart. You like it here-”“Not without Edward I don’t.” John snapped, feeling just a tiny bit guilty for saying that in front of Mary. “I don’t like anything without Edward.”

“Exactly.” She said “you’re too close. You’ve merged into one person.” John rolled his eyes, still looking at the sky. “Family don’t do that stuff, you can’t be sexually involved with your brother John.”“I’m not” John snapped, looking at her for the first time. She looked guilty and sad which took John aback slightly.“What you two done, was sexual.” John looked at Mary, who was looking at her feet and back to his mum.

“You only do things like that with people you love.” Susanna went on, her eyes burning into John.“I love Edward though” John mumbled. This was just confusing him even more and the chance of going home was looking nonexistent.“See? You’re confusing your feelings. Of course, you love him, as your brother, your best friend, but not in that way.”

“What way?” John asked, looking between Mary and his mother. “You have sex to have a baby; one boy, one girl. That’s not what me and Edward were doing!” John was getting impatient and annoyed now. He could feel himself losing his temper and took a breath.“You should have told them this stuff years ago.” Mary piped up, earning a look from Susannah. “Poor boys are confused.”

“Just go” John snapped. “If I can’t come home, go.” There was a pause where no one moved or spoke. John chewed his lip thinking about Edward and how much he missed him. He thought back to that morning and what he and Edward had done. There wasn’t anything bad in it, he thought, just a bit of fun. He couldn’t see why everyone was acting like it was the end of the world.

He heard the door close and looked up to find an empty room with relief. He could hear arguing from downstairs and curled up on his bed again, clutching Mary’s phone. He wondered if he should call Edward but didn’t know if he could take it. Hearing his voice felt like too much.

It had only been a couple of hours, but John had always had Edward there beside him. Even when he showered, Edward would sit on the loo seat and chat to him. Suddenly, he was alone, and he felt like half a person, like something had been torn away.

John heard his mum leave but didn’t go down to say goodbye. John carried on laying in bed until Mary called him for dinner so he headed downstairs. He was hungry but sickly and didn’t really feel like eating much. They sat opposite each other to eat, John pushing his food around his plate in silence.“Did anyone ever talk to you about sex and relationships?” Mary asked after a while. John shrugged, trying to think back to his sex education lessons. Their school was strict catholic, and they were only taught a tiny bit. You grew up, got married and had babies, that’s the way it went. Sex wasn’t fun or pleasurable, just something you had to get done in order to reproduce. There was nothing else to know.“I know how babies are made if that’s what you’re asking” John muttered, taking a mouthful of food.

“No, like relationships” she pushed “the different types of relationships, changes in your body and that sort of thing?” John’s cheeks heated up because he really didn’t want to be having this conversation with his aunt, but it seemed he had no choice in the matter as she started filling him in with all the relevant information.John was actually grateful because he didn’t know about the things she was telling him and he could finally see why his mother freaked out. He still didn’t think it was wrong but he kept that to himself.

He couldn’t believe there was so much to it, it was all so complex and complicated. John thought about his relationship with Edward and how much he loved him, trying to compare it with the sort of love Mary had told him about. The thought of kissing Edward didn’t phase him in the slightest, he actually quite liked the idea. He compared that feeling to their older brother, trying to imagine himself kissing Kevin and not being able to. It disgusted him and made him cringe to even think about Kevin like that. “Do I love Edward?” John asked, his food long forgotten about.Mary smiled and shook her head “not like that, no” she said, “you’re very close and you must love him like mad, but it’s brotherly.”

John nodded. He wanted to ask why he didn’t feel the same way towards Kevin, why the thought of kissing Edward didn’t make him cringe. He didn’t though, deciding to let it drop. “Can I go to bed?” John asked, wondering how he was going to sleep without Edward. Mary nodded and John excused himself, going back to his room and getting undressed. He thought about everything Mary had told him, trying to keep his mind away from thinking about Edward.John debated if he was gay but decided he couldn’t be as he wasn’t attracted to boys. He wasn’t really attracted to girls either when he thought about it. Whenever he tried to think of someone he actually liked, all he thought about was Edward.

The room felt too quiet. John had no one to talk to and it made him restless. He wondered what Edward was doing and whether he felt the same. John felt sad thinking about Edward being lonely and hoped that he wasn’t too upset. John laid there for hours until he couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to call Edward so he snuck downstairs and quickly grabbed the phone before running back upstairs.

He called his house, praying Edward would answer and wondered what would happen if anyone else answered. Would they tell him he couldn’t speak to Edward? He didn’t really want to talk to anyone else.The phone was picked up on the first ring and John was relieved to hear Edward’s small “hello?”“Edward?” John smiled, clutching the phone for dear life.“John-” Edward was crying, making John’s stomach twist uncomfortably.

“It’s not the same without you” Edward whispered and John guessed that everyone was in bed.“I miss you, ” John told him, his chest tight, “Mary told me some stuff about relationships and sex, ” he said, also lowering his voice. “I have so much to tell you once I’m home.”“Why are we being punished?” Edward asked, still upset.“Because we’re not supposed to be acting like a couple Edward. It’s wrong.” John said, “but I don’t think it is, do you?”“No” Edward grumbled, his breath hitching. John wanted to comfort him, hug him and tell him that it’s okay, but most of all, he wanted Edward to do the same for him.

��Edward, I have to go,” John said suddenly, as he got an idea. “I promise I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”“Why?” Edward snapped “don’t go-” John felt a pang of guilt but he knew what he had to do. “Trust me, I’ll see you soon. I love you.”  He only just caught Edward saying a quick “love you” before he hung up and looked outside.It was dark as it was almost 11pm but he didn’t mind the dark so much.  He got up and dressed before grabbing his bag and sneaking downstairs and out the front door.

He vaguely knew the way home and guessed it would take him at least two hours to walk it if he went through the fields, which was a safer option. John looked back at the house before he started walking in the direction of home.

He had been walking for half an hour before, in typical Irish form, it started to rain. He cursed and briefly wondered if this was god’s way of telling him that all his teachers were right about what was a sin and what wasn’t but he quickly dismissed that thought. He and Edward weren’t sinners and even if they were, at least they were sinners together.

It was cold and he was wet and John didn’t dare think about how long he had left to go. He also didn’t let himself think about any murders that could be lurking. An hour into his walk and John was starting to think he was never getting home. He had no way of knowing the time or contacting anyone and he was seriously thinking that this was the stupidest thing he’d ever done.

He recognised where he was though and had a burst hope run through him, knowing how close he was. He thought about Edward, tucked up in bed and thought about seeing him. His mum will go mad, he knew that for sure but he didn’t care too much. John knew they would all be in bed so he hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with them until the morning. It had finally stopped raining, leaving him wet through and cold.

John started into a run once he could see his road, running down the street as fast as he could carry himself. He knocked on the door and startled as it flew open and his whole family was standing there, minus Edward. “John!” His tearful mother wailed, pulling him into a tight embrace “where have you been? Did you walk here? We’ve been out of our minds!”“Look at the state of you,” his dad said, pulling at John’s wet coat. John held his mum back, shocked that anyone even knew he was missing.

“Mary called and was frantic, we’ve been looking for you” his mum cried before John heard footsteps running down the stairs.“John!” John vertically pushed his mum off him to catch Edward, who flew at him from the third step up. “I’m so glad you’re okay” he was crying into John’s shoulder, holding him so tight John worried he would break a bone.“It’s almost 1am, anything could’ve happened, Susannah said from beside Edward. "I should call Mary and tell her, she’s worried sick too!”

John’s mind was reeling. He felt guilty for causing panic but glad he was finally home and with Edward. He felt whole again, like one complete person.

Edward was still crying but smiling as he pulled away and said “you need to change” before pulling him towards the stairs. “Is it okay?” Edward asked, pausing on the second step, hand held in John’s. Susannah looked at them and nodded with a smile. “I’m sorry,” she said “you won’t be separated ever again. You can’t be without each other, tonight has proved that.”

Edward ran up the stairs, pulling John behind him before slamming their bedroom door shut. “I was so worried,” Edward said, looking at John but before John could answer, Edward’s lips were on his. John’s brain couldn’t take anymore, everything was too much but as he melted into Edward, he didn’t care about anything else.

Edward pulled away and pulled off John’s coat. “You’re freezing” he mumbled before undoing his jeans. “I’m so glad to be home.” John told him “I missed you, Edward.”

“I missed you too,” Edward told him, peeling his t-shirt off of him.

“Mary said you can only do things with the person you love, ” John said, “but I love you.”

Edward met his eyes and smiled. “Get in bed” he ordered, “warm up.” John did as he was told and dived under the blankets, glad for the warmth. Edward joined him, his hand disappearing under the quilt. “I love you too” he whispered, kissing John’s lips again.“At least we know to keep it a secret now.” He smiled wickedly, his hand running up John’s thigh. John decided that everything he had to tell Edward could wait.