#hangman went about it all wrong it seems like. nicely ask them? won't work. kiss? yeah probably

[sniffuwu-blog]

what do I do? I'm in love with my best friend...

everything I say here, right now, is my personal opinion on a personal problem. this is all from my own point of view on what's going on in this chapter of my life.

I'm in love with my best friend. I don't know when it all started; when I fell in love with him I mean. but please allow me to tell you what's on my mind. and you don't have to read it all I know most of you won't but if you do, thankyou and please let me know what you think.

[October 2018]

I had a crush on this boy from my church for a while and one day we exchanged numbers so I could get the evite for the Christmas party. my best friend to be and I stared talking. we talked all day and all night and I was suprised to see we had a lot in common. He would message me a lot and he seemed somewhat flirty but I looked past it because I thought it was just the fact I had a crush on him that I thought this. but after a while of talking and getting to know him I realized it was way more that just a crush. I liked-liked him. That's how I first fell for him. Near the end of the 2nd month of talking and getting to know eachother, he messages me a long paragraph... he was apologizing and I wasn't sure why until I continued reading. he had been using me as a rebound because he was going through "a form of a break up". he said I wasn't the only one he rebounded on but he did indeed end up getting feelings for me and that he just needed time to heal and find himself in the Lord. I gave him his space and I wasn't upset at all. I was hurt but not suprised or mad, I'm used to being a rebound and second choice. After a while we stared talking again and got closer. he was my bestfriend and I still liked him a lot. we talked every day and night like the old days. it was nice (:

[fast forward to summer of 2019]

I went to his house for his brothers 15th birthday party. I was sick so I didn't go into the pool so he say with me and we told jokes and I was nearly dying. as we sat next to the pool watching them all play and swim around he says to me "hey I need to ask you somethin', cuz why not, it's summer... wait give me a sec." he takes a deep breath and with those beautiful brown eyes he looks at me and says "I like-like you. and I have prayed about this and talked to my parents about it and I think...I wanna date you. but I don't date people just to date, I wanna know we're going to go somewhere." my heart skipped a beat and I was happy. I told him that I was talking to a guy, a friend, but he hadn't been treating me right and he was a bad influence on me so I was planning on ending it with that dude. (I did indeed end things with that other guy and told my bestfriend that I choose him) we talked the rest of the night and looked at the stars and played hangman.

[two weeks later]

he wanted to talk to me in private and I said okay. we meet up and he tells me how he wants to grow closer in his relationship with the Lord before he got into a relationship. he wanted to make sure he loved himself before he could be with anyone. I was fine with that because I did too, so we stayed friends. we talked all the time but flirted here and there. we went to the beach and looked at the night sky as we layed there, close to eachother. we kissed that night.

things escalated from there. and I was happy. we were still just best friends but best friends that liked eachother, a lot.

after a while I felt that I was spiritually and mentally ready, and I was waiting for him. then he was ready but school had stared and he said he wanted to see how his classes were and how much work there is to them. he told me over and over again that he was sure we were going to date and that it would happen soon "maybe in October." so I kept my hopes up high because e=I had fallen for him again but harder because this time I thought he would catch me.

But I was wrong.

[Sunday, September 15th 2019]

he told me that he wanted to focus on school. he didn't have time for a girlfriend but he still liked me. he didn't want things to be awkward of different. he still wanted to be bestfriends until he's ready. but he said I should keep my hope up too high because "...what if you meet another guy or I meet another girl? I wan't you to feel free to go on dates with other guys."

[now]

I was committed to waiting for him for so long and he just dropped me like that. but if someone really cares about you, they'll make an effort to make time for you. he doesn't talk to me much anymore because hes either asleep, driving, at the gym, or school. we talk about our day for 2 minutes then text goodnight. I told him what my mom said. that if someone really likes you they'll at least try and they'll keep you in the center of what they do and still work hard so they can provide for you and treat you like a princess till they can make you into a Queen. But now, he won't text me back. I'm trying to move on from him because I'm tired of being a second choice. it's the second time I've fallen for him and he let me fall.

But I can't I think of him all day every day and I'm in love with him. he's my best friend.

my question is: should I move on? should I wait for the smallest chance we do end up becoming a thing?

-{I know this was long but to those who read it all please, I would like your opinions. thankyou.}-