#have been murdered in mauthausen etc but it's all very nebulous and when i was a child i was only told 'some relatives died' so it's very | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

djuvlipen · 2 years

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thinking about that quote "those who've studied the Holocaust often come back with the feeling of having stared directly into the source of evil" and actually yeah I think I know too much and if I could get other people to know all the stuff I've read and heard and seen about the Holocaust and genocides maybe I could bring a change feel more stable and less insane at the cost of others. and I don't know what is worse, the nightmares I used to have when I was 7 and I didn't know much about Nazis so I could imagine everything; or all the things I am aware of now and that keep clogging my thoughts during my waking hours

#like there are events I can name and date but I don't think I even have the ability to talk about it to anyone because it's just too much #(events and details that are not known by the average people I mean)#I think i must have read close to 10.000 pages about the holocaust by now?#(also for context: both my r.mani grandparents are baby boomers and lost their parents very young so there was basically no transmission of #war memories so no one has a single clue what really happened to my relatives during wwii-#though we tried to get more info so we more or less know that some relatives were put in camps somewhere and also some uncle may or may not #have been murdered in mauthausen etc but it's all very nebulous and when i was a child i was only told 'some relatives died' so it's very #evasive) (my country doesn't recognize the r.mani genocide btw)#anyway my little brother has unfortunately become the victim of my habit to infodump awful stuff i know of but i think he's learned to cope #with it by now lol

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