#having great pattern recognition and being able to tell the exact moment a friendship is over | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

loverboy-havocboy · 4 months ago

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there's something so bittersweet about finding out you're autistic and that autistic people have trouble maintaining friendships long term. one one hand you're like oh! maybe there isn't something uniquely horrible about me! lots of people like me struggle with this! but then you realize that if it's not you, it's not in your power to fix

#like it truly is so isolating and heartbreaking in a way idk if i can quantify #feeling like you're genetically hard to love #having great pattern recognition and being able to tell the exact moment a friendship is over #when the scales have tipped and you've been found to be too much or too little or just too fucking different #and sometimes when you live like that for decades #it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy #don't get me wrong - autistic people can and do have beautiful loving friendships #i've loved my best friend since we were 12 #but they're the only active friend i have rn that i've known for significantly more than a year #idk. it's past 5am and i should probably just sleep #but i'm up thinking about the chronic loneliness of disability instead #wreaking havoc

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