#having to navigate everything without proper professional help bc there's just no one 🥲
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#screaming crying etc#wishing i could be normal about touch and vulnerability#but noooo everything's gotta be horrible#i have to be reminded of things every dayyyyyy#nerve pain or reliving things or unable to look someone in the eyes#ive come far compared to where i started but when u look at like the big picture?#ive only taken two or three baby steps#i soooo want to be normal but i cant and it's driving me insane.#having to navigate everything without proper professional help bc there's just no one 🥲#also it just. it just doesn't fit into my brain rn.#like life is p good rn but i often cant enjoy it#in truth i think ive lived in unsafe environments until just b4 i turned 20 🤡🤡🤡#from horrible things at my parents' to housemates threatening to kill me or stalking me#like where i live now? if something happens then staff will take action to ensure i am safe.#i dont pretend to live somewhere magically 100% safe lol i just want to live somewhere where getting away with bad shit isnt the norm#and currently at home and at school it's safe!#but it makes it so obvious how much ive been hurt by things bc i freak out at everything 🤪
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