#he looks a lil bald but its ok .hes fur

[superbellsubways]

combining 2 things i like. yay

[written-beyond-the-grave]

Elija Mikaelsaon Dating a Black S/O Headcanons

Did anyone ask? No, did I deliver? Yes.

- Alright, so Elijah and the Mikaelson’s have been alive for a while. Never got a specific date, but we have vikings. And as Elijah has been alive for a minute, he’s had flings, situationships, lovers, and at some point out knight in shinning armor was probably a fuck boy… don’t @ me.

- What I’m trying to say is man probably did it all, Asian, Latinx, Caucasian and African American and maybe even African and Caribbean… Maybe even fucked around with his sexuality for a second because he got it like that and the writers were too pussy to put this shit on

- Tbh probably the originals tried all the genders and non-genders, change my mind. But elijah strikes me as a free for all who loves something refreshing that’ll take him out of Klaus’s bullshit for a minute

- But here’s were this shit gets spicey… Elijah… with a black s/o….. Just hear me out poc who been waiting for someone to give them good fucking food on poc x tvd/ the originals, I got y’all… unless college comes back.

- OK so, I feel like if you’re rocking with Elijah he’d dress you up and ice you out because he can. Nothing under $5,000 for his s/o… We talking furs, diamond, real leather, snake skin, hell even a whole ass snake if you wanna be on your Bruce Wayne shit一 better yet, your T’challa shit with a whole ass panther (black panther ain’t real soooo y’all can get a black puma and call that bitch a panther lmfaoooooo)

- He’s asking you to a dinner date and then you say you’re ready…. Wearing pretty little things…. Missguided… honey. (Nah ain’t shit wrong wit those brands, they be having bangers tbh and sales like a bitch) Let him upgrade youuuuuuu. You only wear Givenchy, Yves Saint Laurent, Burberry, Balmain, etc. Try walking out there looking a damn mess and distasteful… just try it sis 

- Speaking of which… my mans got you with hair too! Fuck you mean ?1?! 

- He had a black s/o in the past, even though her hair had loose curls… we won’t discredit her. He has some knowledge on how curl hair works, and if he’s lacking, he as a whole library and might fuck around and ask Bonnie in exchange for some witchy ingrdients (im cdfuuuuuu)

- Name, braids, twists, locs, finger waves. Wanna shave bald??? He’s for it, let him get you his barber. Fuck it, he’ll get you Marcel’s barber. Lined up and all that shit, throw in a fade too

- And coming in for wash day, he’s sitting behind you days in advance helping you take down your hair after a month or two. Grey sweatpants, scissors in hand, spray bottle to the side with Netflix as background music…. Fuck with it. You’re all tired after doing like 8 and he tells you to take it easy, with vamp speed and the deterixty of those fingers…. *chefs kiss*

- He sets up a lil wash day station for you, or if he’s on the clock just books a whole salon for you alone already paid for. But if he’s doing the work, best believe he spent the coinssss COINS for the organic shampoo shit you have the refrigerator and the deep conditioner, AND THE FUCKING LEAVE IN. He’s keeping your shit moisturized in the winter. His big hands and gentle fingers helping detangle your hair, you in a fluffy robe, enjoying being loved on….

- Y’all didn't even get me started on him doing twists… or plaits, or the bantu knots, the concentration on his face

- IDK why I gotta say this… nails done too, he loves the feel of your nails gliding on his scalp and down on his back when he’s giving you those slow strokes. 

- This doesn’t have to do with anything, but the fact that the originals were set in New Orleans which is mostly BLACK BLACK BLACK BLAAACCCKKKKK and I saw like 3 black people in that bitch, ong….. Julie Pleck, you basic bitch

- Anyways, I feel like Elijah in a trench coat coming to pick you up from work would be such a vibe and a mood. Like, he knows when you get off and you might just take public transportation or something to have some sort of independence. But he shows up after work when you’re leaving with some friends from work…. Nigga shows up in a dark blue cadillac, trenchcoat with the collar up, leather gloves… and a fresh cut

- Who tf let him out the house??

- And ik you’re friends trifling too asking who is he, a damn fine tall glass of milké

- And he’s just leaning against the door waiting for you and once he sees you, he waits for you expectedly and kisses your forehead in greeting and gets the door for you

- Speaking of driving, Elijah be too damn serious, and that’s were you come in. 

- I need him and the Miakelson’s at a cookout doing line dancing, the electric slide, cupid shuffle (and give Rebekak some goddamn friends shit, she everyone stay chasing love and shit but have 0 friends and boundaries, they drag family though the mud) 

- Like I need him out his suit and in some dark jeans, a solid white v-neck, rolex on his wrist, and white air forces

- Sitting there, kinda out of place until he settles in. Like I deadass see him asking where the tables are at the cookout and like… you break it to him he’s gonna have to do the table legs for that shit

- And the plastic cutlery! LMFAOOOOO his soul is slightly quaking

- And its finna be a whole ass test when an uncle comes up and grabs him by the shoulder in a greeting and tries to fill in the seat for spades or even worse…. Dominoes…. That’s it. It’s over. Elijah been alive for too long and knows every play in the book and can bluff his ass off

- But if we talking dominoes… we gon have the boondocks animation version of a nigga moments cuz y’all fights will be started, money will be lost…. To Elijah. In the end he gives it back bc he’s a good sport and bc humiliation is a greater victory 

- Lmfaoooo and the quiet drive back, you’re exhausted but the music station is playing throwbacks and Usher’s climax comes on and bitch… the high notes, the lamp posts that give you both a glimpse of each other’s side profiles. And for once Elijah is relaxed and coming down from his amusement. No one is trying to kill him or his siblings, and good food albeit greasy in his stomach.

- Dare he say he felt human for a moment

- You staring out the window and softly singing along enjoying what the day was, Elijah loving the ambiance created. Mmmmmm such a mood

- THAT BEING SAID imagine you and Elijah on a long drive and “I Mean It” by G- Eazy comes on and you start singing along bc data is expensive over long ass drives and being stuck in traffic. And Elijah is giving you a bemused look, you in all your glorious wonder and you just make the lyrics more dramatic ashit trying to be a heartbreaker and all that. But, the true heart breaker is Elijah

- He comes in on the verse and gives you all eye contact, lips completely sync but your can kinda hear his voice keep the tempo…. Bitch this makes me feel some type of way… and as he’s going on he grabs your face and tilts your chin up OOOOUUUU gets up all close and personal and finishes the lyrics which is perfectly timed with when the light turns green and turns back like nothing just happened. There yo are aping like a fish bc tbh if anyone could rap it’d probably be Kol, he’s like the emnemin mixed with busta rhymes type, but tone it down….

- Bitch imma go fantasize rapping Elijah, y’all been slept

- And for those asking yes, I do write for black readers, mor specifically female but I can try male

[tambikidogo]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!.

Stranger: whats up!

You: hello

Stranger: where you from?

You: my moms puss

Stranger: lol you fucker

You: the usa

Stranger: what state?

You: MI

Stranger: not for

Stranger: far*

Stranger: I'm half retarded don't judge my spelling

You: IN

You: omg

Stranger: lolol

Stranger: you're laughing at me

You: a lil

You: and your use of the r word

Stranger: retard?

You: yeah lol

Stranger: its ok you can say it i won't be offended

You: well my little brother might lol

Stranger: lol sorry to hear, i just think people are way to sensitive these days

Stranger: sorry

You: ehh lol

You: the world doesnt give a fuck about people's feelings

Stranger: ehhhhhhhhh you canadian now?

Stranger: lol exactly

You: but i do lol

Stranger: lol fuck your feelings?

You: I always say the world doesn't care but I do

You: naw

Stranger: fuuuuck em

You: i love my feelings dammit

Stranger: true feelings are important

Stranger: sensitivity can fuck right off

You: what is a "true feeling"?

Stranger: is this a trick question?

You: im a sociologist so this is really intresting to me

You: *interesting

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: im not a sociologist so i wouldn't know because I'm not well studied on the subject

Stranger: lol on fleek huh?

You: i asked for your personal definition lol

You: yessir

Stranger: for a true feeling... hmmmm love is a true feeling

Stranger: can i elaborate on that more?

Stranger: hmmm im not sure

You: i LOVE how you're asking my questions for me lol

Stranger: feeling or emotions get complicated, are they something that we as sentient creatures fabricated, or are they just states of the mind created over a long evolutionary process

Stranger: to philosophical

You: and money is also a physiological, philosophical and a physical concept as well and love that shit lol another quesiton, if you hurt the ones i love then haven't you hurt a true feeling?

Stranger: bahaha

Stranger: too deeep

You: lo siento

Stranger: im not getting into this

You: too much for ya lol

Stranger: to deep, you hear that a lot?

You: i do

Stranger: hahahaha!

You: i love it

Stranger: which part do you love?

You: the physical and the philosophical

Stranger: who doesnt

Stranger: sometimes its just too much

You: if you don't got a brain, whats the point

Stranger: lol

You: like i love running experiments on omegle

You: the responses is always way more aggresive when i'm uncovered

Stranger: when you're uncovered?

You: very rarely do i meet my match, brain wise that is

Stranger: and what kind of experiments?

Stranger: oh i can't say that I'm a match

You: like i'll be an absolute idiot

Stranger: i don't think we know each other to come to that kind of conclusion

You: and people will be much more forgiving when cleavage is involved lol

You: thats why i said i very RARELY meet my match

Stranger: i could imagine people are easily blinded by the tits

Stranger: ahaha fuck you

You: you weren't included in that lol

Stranger: uh huh

You: very easily

Stranger: now you're just giving yourself a blowjob

You: i think we all should do that to ourselves every once in a while

Stranger: haha if i could i would

Stranger: without a doubt

You: zactly!

Stranger: right?

You: i ain't hurting nobody

Stranger: who said you were?

You: that's my gauge for what i do

Stranger: nah you're no threat

You: yep

Stranger: you seem like you're just looking to have a laugh

You: harmless is me

You: you don't like laughing??

Stranger: ahaha i never said i didnt

You: that's all im on here for is a quick........

You: laugh

Stranger: quick....fffffffff

Stranger: fun

Stranger: just a bit of fun

You: just a touch

You: a quickie

You: a laughie

Stranger: just a little touch

Stranger: just a little stroke if you will

You: i like a hard and fast......

You: joke

Stranger: a hard hitting, strong pounding....

Stranger: punch line

You: i hv so much wine in my body

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: drinking all day?

You: no!

You: i had a long day

Stranger: long day of drinking

You: water

You: and now i'm drinking franzia

Stranger: i guess the water appeared by ways of magic

Stranger: hey at least the cities on fleek

Stranger: kitties*

You: ayyyyye

Stranger: titties*

You: cowabunga

Stranger: holy fucking retarded

You: dudes and duddettes

Stranger: sorry i can't spell because all the blood has rushed into my penis

You: awww

You: you shuld call a doc

Stranger: dudes and dudettes lol

You: peen doc

You: idk why that tickles me sooo much

Stranger: i did, he told me to stop taking viagra

Stranger: lol

You: so ofc you took more

Stranger: duh

Stranger: obviously

Stranger: tickles your prostate

You: ummmm i only fuck viagra laden lads

Stranger: well isn't it a shame that I'm so far

You: well youre not laden enough yet

Stranger: no? how laden am i supposed to be?

You: 23 in long and 50 in wide

Stranger: wow thats a a crazy hard on

Stranger: ill see what i can do

You: i was talking about pills

You: if you not swalling pills that heavy

You: i ain't with it

Stranger: lol don't think i could swallow pills like that

You: well you're a puss in fur boots

Stranger: hahaha better than a bald booted puss

You: bald booted puss

You: bury me rn

You: peace

Stranger: dead

Stranger: peace

You: well i actally have to go

You: my uber is here

Stranger: well atlas show me the titties before you go i gotta see em.

You: boy

Stranger: <3

You: have a blessed day

You have disconnected.