#he wakes me up at 5 am every day <3 i love my 5ish hours of uninterrupted sleep <3
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every single night my cat is like oh perfect the 8 hours where you're trying to sleep. the perfect time for me to start tearing at the carpet with my teeth and swinging from the curtains and yelling at you to get up or else
#i swear to god i haven't had a decent night's sleep in like 4 months i'm going fucking crazy#i play with him for 30 minutes before i try to go to sleep and he's like. that's not enough only EYE get to sleep#he wakes me up at 5 am every day <3 i love my 5ish hours of uninterrupted sleep <3#he's not Always like this that's why it's driving me up a wall. but this is certainly the longest period he's done this#i would prefer constant energy kitten phase back because then at least then i could Do something about it
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Aug 5 2022 (9:55am)
The past 5 or more days have been almost 100% anxiety free. I feel really really normal throughout the entire day. My headspace is level and simply fine and boring. No existential overthinkings. No racing thoughts like I had a couple weeks ago. The whole positive thinking thing has really changed my mind it seems. Not in a dramatic way, but it’s given me control over my mood quite a lot.
I’ve had some rough sleeps though where i’m up until the wee hours of the morning, and then fall asleep for a 2-3 hours. STILL I get about 5-6 hours of sleep, despite it not being the best. The night of the 3rd I slept like 19 year old tho!
Didn’t sleep great last night. Fell asleep around 2:30-3:00am, woke up 6:15ish. Fell back asleep until 8am. That’s excluding sleep I may have forgotten earlier in the night.
But ya, when it’s bedtime, I doze off, then wake back up like 30mins later and can’t get back to sleep. As it gets later, I get more and more tired which makes the experience gross. That night of the 3rd tho! MM. Fell asleep, (maybe woke up for a sec at 5ish) and woke up at like 8am. Twas good. At least I get a good sleep like that every so often lol.
I think “winding down” is going to become somewhat important for me and my sleep. I feel like when you don’t WORK TILL 11:15, it just happens naturally.
Since the whole “positive thinking”… discovery, (i really don’t want to make it sound like some epiphany b/c it doesn’t even remotely feel that way) I’ve been feeling an increased sense of grip on my life. That’s vague…
I can feel a new ideal forming, one that’s more “realistic” feeling. In that realistic-ness, there’s a sense of it being more achievable. In that increased chance of achievement, there’s a bit of calm.
Instead of JUST MUSIC, my projection of the future is music and also working in video. It feels nice though, not as forced as it has felt in the past. I feel like the… pain… of not having a great job is wiring it self up as a new motivator in my noggin.
Ethan and I hung out again yesterday, (we also went for a swim a handful of days ago) and that was nice. Hanging out has been nice, though I am admittedly anxiously anticipating us playing again. Yesterday he checked out the drums, I sat there with a guitar. We never played. It was hilarious and painful. We were just half nervously chit-chatting about drum gear and whathaveyou. Next time.
I really appreciate his (this sounds stale) punctuality during this revival phase of our friendship. I get the sense he really wants to hang out because we actually hang out when we say we will, with a small degree of variance, of course lol.
Izzy and I went for a proper “date night” on Wednesday. Dressed up a little lol. Went sushi. Got I love Sashimi.
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