#he's so gorg idgaf

[inspsledgehammer]

David Rasche as Surf in Miami Vice (2.08 Bushido)

[weednona]

i have got to “talk” about this recent health stuff somewhere but. under read more for health-related/hospital/ER junk. 

on monday i passed out randomly in my kitchen. 

Prior to this I have had these shitty problems: depression ramping up, anxiety ramping up, my hair started falling out a LOT a few months ago (it’s thinned, no bald patches... and since my hair is/was crazy thick it’s basically at “normal” thickness now), fatigued, my body temperature and weight has fluctuated...  

At dinner I was feeling nauseous, but with antidepressants/lactose intolerance/in general i’m often nauseous. But I went out, sat down in the dining room for a few seconds thinking about how shitty I felt that day and then decided to get a glass of water to drink with dinner (waiting for my dad to finish making his plate)

get the glass out, get the pitcher out from the fridge, pour water, put pitcher back into fridge, pick up glass... suddenly am on the floor. 

my dad’s pulling me to sit up worried af and i’m slurring and confused and he calls 911 and they tell him to have me lie on the floor and i do. EMTs come, they ask me questions and I answer them and they tell me later that I looked SO pale when they walked in. I don’t remember a lot of what they asked me but they get me standing eventually and sit me in a chair and I start answering the texts from my family (our neighborhood knows my family very well and texted her when they saw the ambulance going to our house, they were worried it was my dad- he’s had heart problems/etc in the past) so my sister already knows but they don’t know it’s for ME yet

EMTs advise me to go to hospital and my dad comes with me (and he throws literally all of our dinner in the oven so the cat won’t get it. it was salmon. she would have gorged herself, the idiot.)

i am walked out to the stretcher, they put me in it and then take me to the hospital. I’m not out of it anymore, i’m answering questions but I felt sooo sleepy. At ER we wait a bit and then funny little thing

the EMTs are like all super nice and they ask if I want to shuffle onto the hospital bed or if i want them to lift me and I’m like “oh uh i’ll shuffle.” thinking im heavy so shrug 

they go to level the beds together to make it easier and the EMT is like, “are you SURE you don’t want this once in a lifetime experience?” and I laughed (first time since before incident, i was pretty scared) and said sure. I loved everyone who helped me- the EMTs, doctors, nurses, the person who took my insurance/info with her mobile computer stand thingie. All super nice.

My dad and I were the only ones at the hospital for a bit but my mom found out something happened and hurried to the other hospital but came to the right one. She was panicked of course but less when she saw me. My older sister came later, she had a bit of a drive to get there bc she’d been out of town. Apparently there’s a family group chat I’m not in (idgaf i hate the one im in, its too many people!!) where everyone’s talking about me (oh god)

they put me on fluids just in case its dehydration and they get an EKG and that’s fine too. my body siiiiiiipped the hell outta that saline solution tho. nothing wrong with my lil heart. Not blood sugar. But i THINK the doctor was kinda like “...okay i know she SAID she’s not pregnant but we’ve rulled out the other stuff sooo” she requested a pee test. 

not prgnant. deinitely not pregnant. i mean i know how babby formed 

(this was the most times i’ve told people im not pregnant in a 4 hour span) 

did test pos for bladder infection but doctor didn’t seem convinced that was why i fainted (dehydration prob? combination of things?)

my theory is iron deficiency anemia bc i’d noticed my hair falling out and my hands/feet are cold but my doc thinks its my thyroid (according to message after I sent info about ER visit)

[also would be interesting because in me Olde Mystrade RP with Erick, I perused a website for some sort of illness to give Mycroft for a plot point and decided on iron deficiency anemia lol]

ive been feeling awful for a long damn time and on the one hand im like “i really don’t want to pass out and go to the ER” and the other hand im like “oh my god PROOF i feel like shit!!!!!!!!!”

anyways i have appointment tomorrow for a physical and tests i wanna demand......i just wanna KNOWWWWWWW!!!!!!

the prospect of existing without continually feeling like shit sounds p nice if they can figure it out. or knowing what to do to feel LESS like shit. oh man. (=