#hecate did not injure me but admittedly the elevator situation did

[cookinguptales]

I'll probably talk about the SNM NYE party in batches because I'm still exhausted but... wow, that Hecate 1:1, huh?

I didn't actually know that audience interactions were going to be a thing during the party, so imagine my surprise when about 30 seconds after I took the first photo, the second thing happened lmao.

(nearly had an aneurysm when my friend texted me that they'd managed to get pictures of the encounter haha)

spoilers under a cut!!

So there was an angel dancing in the rep bar, which... I hilariously did not notice for the first portion of the song. I was taking photos for a large group of people who were sitting up on the bar in front of the neon sign, and then I turned around and was like !!!! oh!!!

(ETA: I AM TOLD THIS WAS BOY WITCH IN COSTUME FOR THE PARTY lmao)

I nearly banged into the poor guy haha. but then, I mean, I had to take some photos of his dance! it was a lovely dance, very soulful. when he noticed me taking photos, he definitely started posing, good for him. I got some really good photos of him here.

anyway, after I got my pictures, then he comes up to me and takes my hand and it's like oh!!! okay we're doing this.

he was holding several rings in his hand during his dance (big costume jewelry types) so the obvious allusion was to Hecate. while he was dancing with me, there was a lot of elaborate stuff where he'd show me the rings in his hands, play with them, offer them to me, take them back, take my hand and spin around so I was holding him, then curl around behind me, etc.

he was really gentle with me, RIP ;;

anyway, he ends up taking my hand and leading me to Hecate's door. now, I saw Hecate a few times throughout the evening, mostly carrying around a sign in a stately procession letting people know how long it was until midnight, but I didn't realize she was doing Other Things until we got outside her door and I was like "wait okay I get it" lmao

at this point, I still wasn't sure exactly where he was going with this, so I just followed him as he finally knelt down before Hecate's door and offered up the rings in supplication.

then her door opened and she appeared and I think you could probably see the big exclamation point over my head like I was a freaking video game character.

then she grabbed me and pulled me inside.

the vibes were very similar to her usual James & Anne 1:1, and she brought me over to sit on her couch. but instead of paper boats and ghost stories, she brought out tarot cards.

(if you know me, you know I was thrilled lmao)

she has me choose one and it was, of course, Death.

(I... think they were probably all Death, and I know she had to keep them to do this with others but I wish I'd gotten to keep that card.)

Death, as my regular followers know, is a card about change and the death of the old to make room for the new. so as soon as I saw it, I knew, and I just. man, the Emotions In Me.

she told me about how the card was about change and how old things had to die so new things can happen, even if it hurts. she said it was the new year, which is a time for the old things to die and new ones to come. that things would be changing soon, but that was okay. she then took my palm and drew a straight line on it, like a palmistry situation, and said that people think time is a straight line. then she drew a circle and told me that time here, in this place, is really like a circle.

I can't remember all exact words, but the general gist of it was that even though things die and new things take their place, they don't ever fully go away. time is a loop, as it always has been in the McKittrick, so these moments will always be happening, even if we don't get to experience them anymore.

(we'll always remember them.)

then when we got up to leave, she turned me toward the mirror on her nightstand and had me look at my own reflection. she held me from behind, encircled in her arms, and squeezed me so tight that it almost hurt.

(I wish I could remember what she said during this moment, but I'll admit I was having a "this could actually be kind of bad if she squeezes much longer, she doesn't know I have EDS and I can feel my ribs straining" moment so I got a little distracted. she didn't hurt me!! to be clear!! but I was worrying a little that I might have to interrupt her and in so doing failed to live in the moment and it was gone. I'm hoping I'll remember after I've recovered a little. ;; )

I feel like... it was encouraging, what she said at the mirror. so I suppose for now I'll have to content myself with that.

and then, once she let go, she took one of the rings from a dish on her table and slid it onto my finger.

I guess we all know what that means.

and then she let me go.

I felt... really profoundly moved after this. the time loop element of SNM is one that I've always been obsessed with, and so to have all of that laid out so explicitly... it made me feel like there really is a sacred, magical place in that room, and none of us will ever truly escape it.

Hecate has a habit of snatching humans and drawing them into her woods, like Porter and Boy Witch, and I feel like she really managed to do that to all of us as well. we're under her spell and, like them, we must constantly search for her ring.

last night, I sort of felt like I finally found it. like her ring has always been the loop all along, and that's the source of her power. the ring of time, a wheel, and it constantly spins in place. we're all inside it, and it could be a trap but it feels so damn exhilarating to be there.

our poor Porter will never truly find it because he's inside it, and so are we. the entire hotel is her ring and so are all the ideas and experiences inside it. and they are eternal. even if the show itself closes, that little pocket of time will always exist within us, because that's where her magic resides.

it made me think a lot about love and memories and the way that our experiences live on in them, changed by nostalgia and regret but dear all the same, and it made me think about how Sleep No More, or at least a version of it, will live on in us forever.

change is coming, and it might hurt. but new things are coming, and they'll be lovely. we have so many things lying ahead. and what we experienced together in that hotel will never go away. it'll continue on in our memories and the art we've made and the friends we've met, y'know?

so it felt like such a beautiful way to end the year. the whole thing happened just before midnight and it felt perfect.

(even though... there were a lot of elevator issues last night and I only BARELY made it downstairs in time for the countdown. so there was a moment of Panic right after haha.)

but Hecate kissed my forehead just before midnight and that sort of feels like the best kiss you could get on the new year at the McKittrick. I didn't even realize I still had the lip prints on my forehead until I looked at the photo I took just after the confetti was released.

(not the best selfie in the world, admittedly, because I could not see anything with the lighting in there but like! still! the happiness is palpable.)

so... that was my experience with Hecate, and it's one that was comforting in a way that's hard to entirely convey.

I feel like... I'm definitely going to write a story about this...