#hehehe thank you sophie! ❤️ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yakumtsaki · 1 year

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Tragically, I have returned. I’d like to begin this update by thanking @lurking-lilibeth for solving the mystery of how tf Sugar died: apparently the ‘struck by lighting’ memory is glitched and sometimes won’t show up, so the conclusion is Sugar got hit by lighting, his needs went to shit, and he crawled to the bathroom to die. A death most befitting Sugar, if I say so myself! How cute are the zombs??

-They sure are, I wanna be struck by lighting, become a zombie, and go on a date with Sandy too!

Sophito istg, first you roll Jojo’s werewolf bs, now this, GET YOUR OWN THING

-Forget about my faildad and look at me being all pretty and wholesome and non-conspiracy-to-murderous!

YOU. Seriously, it’s been like 2 months since the last update and I still haven’t recovered from the reveal of Felina’s ‘real self’. Admiring herself in the mirror while her uncle died, there hasn’t been such a stone cold bitch around here since VICTORIA.

-I’m a stone cold bitch! Aren’t I, Servilia, you lil’ cutiepie baby booboo?

I mean you’re definitely formidable, Soph, especially when babytalking to the dogs, but you must admit you have mellowed out a lot in your old age.

-WHAT?! ME??? I’M SOPHIE THE TERROR FUCKING MIGUEL, I FEEL NOTHING. NOTHING-

-SERVILIA NO!!!! TAKE ME INSTEAD, I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR, NOTHING

-Gee thanks, grandma.

-GET OUT OF HERE YOU NON-DEATH-REACTIVE FREAKSHOW

Ya team Sophie on this one. Rest in piece Servilia, you were sweet, cuddly, batshit insane and gave us a dog heir that looks like a deer. I’ll miss you baby❤️

Felina can you have one shred of dignity and wait till Bartholomew’s birthday so this can be an even fight?

-Did HE have a shred of dignity when he RUINED MY PARTY???

Well no but I reprimanded him for it too!

-NO YOU DIDN’T

I didn’t? Probably too busy laughing, either way knock it off!

-I can take care of myself, GET REKT, FAILINA

-HE BIT MY FINGER OFF, YOU LITTLE SHIT, ONCE YOU’RE A TEEN I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU

-I’LL MURDER YOU FIRST. I’LL MURDER YOU TONIGHT IN YOUR SLEEP

SOPHITO FATHER OF THE YEAR DO YOU MIND INTERVENING AT SOME POINT

-Is Klaus getting a little fat, Remington?

-I think so, you should put him on a diet.

FFS, MOVING ON

I’m happy to see Cyneswith come out of mourning, and I’ll continue to hide my shock that she was in mourning in the first place.

-Does you metal back feel a little less tense now, iVan, huhu?🌸 -𝙸𝚃 𝚂𝚄𝚁𝙴 𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂. 𝙸𝙽 𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙲𝙰𝙽'𝚃 𝚃𝙴𝙻𝙻, 𝙸 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝙳𝙴𝚅𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙳 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙰𝙱𝙸𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚈 𝚃𝙾 𝙻𝙸𝙴.

That’s great, iVan, are you ever gonna develop the ability to do something around here that isn’t fighting zombies and banging the elderly?

-𝚈𝙴𝚂😉

How did you even wink??

Cyn is such a good ‘grandma’, bro I cannot. WHERE WAS THIS SHIT WHEN SUGAR WAS A KID

-I was young and hot back then!💗

You know what, enough is enough, I’m breaking this cycle of bad parenting!

Liz stop vibing with Shajar and get your ass downstairs.

-But I love Shaj! -And I love you, Liz, you’re the child I never had!

Ok is it me or is it really becoming clear that both Shaj and Cyn wanted daughters?? Whatever, LIZ GO DOWNSTAIRS AND TALK TO YOUR DUMB EVIL KIDS

-FINE

-Little detour hehehe! -Oh Soph, let’s get a pool table in here and relive our youth!

GO TALK TO YOUR KIDS I WILL KILL YOU BOTH

-We totally totally will, just give us 2 hours- -3 hours- -Yes, 3 hours, to ‘get ready’- -Hehe! -Huhu!

I HATE YOU

-Alright kids, we are here for you. -We absolutely are. For 10 minutes, then we have to go upstairs again. -Exactly. So let me just start the clock here, aaand we have 10 minutes, alright, GO. -So kids, fighting is bad. -Yes. And we are family and we love each other. -Right. So no more fighting, ok? -Yes, good talk! Let’s go, darling.

-If I might address the elephant in the room- -Oh he’s gonna talk too? Ok. -9 minutes 28 seconds. -I have done my best to hide it as to not disrupt the family BUT FELINA IS BULLYING ME. -WHAT?! THAT’S IT, I WILL DROWN YOU IN THE TOILET -Felina!

-HE’S LYING, HE’S BULLYING ME, HE’S THE WORST BROTHER IN THE UNIVERSE AND HE RUINED MY PARTY, YOU WERE THERE YOU REMEMBER -We were?! -I have no fucking idea. -WILL YOU STOP WHISPERING, WE CAN HEAR YOU -Ya you’re not even trying to whisper, you’re just talking in normal volume italics. -STOP AGREEING WITH ME -EAT SHIT

-ALRIGHT. This has gotten out of hand and we need to leave in 7 minutes and 17 seconds, so here it is. Bartholomew, you are the worst brother in the universe. -HA.

-Felina, you are a psychopathic robot. You are both terrible, terrible kids. But.. that’s just how Union kids are! -Exactly, by our standards you are normal and that’s why everyone hates our family! -So when you go out in the world, you’ll have to rely on each other because everyone else will despise you! -They will?? -Honey, everyone hated me and your father, and we had way more going for us than you two.

-So.. no more fighting?? -No more fighting. -And being a Union is a bad thing?? -It’s not bad, it’s just that there is a preconceived notion around town that we are.. umm.. -Trash! -Trash, thank you, babe.

-So, now that we’ve cleared this up, we’re gonna go! -You kids get along from now on, cause you only have each other! -And don’t bother us anymore!

Well, that’s all better now. What’s up, Vic?

-THE FUCK WAS THIS SHIT~

A heartfelt family discussion, clearly!

-THE KIDS ARE FIGHTING AND THAT WAS THE BEST THESE LOSERS COULD DO?!~

Um, do I need to remind you of your parenting?

-I RAISED JOJO!~

Is that supposed to be a flex?

-I’LL HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS LIKE I DO EVERYTHING ELSE!~

Oh, goodie!

-FELINA UNION~ -AAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE HELL -I AM YOU GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER!~ -Ya I KNOW, I worship you! -GOOD. THEN YOU MUST HEED THE ADVICE YOUR DUMBASS PARENTS GAVE YOU AND MAKE UP WITH YOUR BROTHER! UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL!~ -But I hate him and I wanna win the heirship so I can damnatio memoriae him! -FELINA, I SENSE A DARKNESS IN YOU~ -Well you better, I didn’t rebrand for nothing! -REMEMBER, THE HEIRSHIP ISN’T A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!~ -FINE, I’ll remember it! Will you go away now? -I WILL.. BUT IF SOMETHING THREATENED THE FAMILY I’D HAVE TO COME BACK.. SO DON’T MAKE ME COME BACK!~ -Crazy dead bitch! -I’M STILL HERE!~

It’s a new day and this lot is FUCKED, we’re def gonna have to gtfo. The fire that started the night Sugar died IS STILL GOING but is not acknowledged by anyone, we just have a permanent glitched fire burning in the background. SYMBOLIC

-Mmmm.. Now I know what I want for my birthday.. Failina barbecue!

Try again!

-How about a kitty?

‘Grew up badly’ memory avoided at the last second! Ugh I’m such a pro gamer.

Welcome to the fam, Wendy! Wendy is really cute and mean and is gonna have kittens with Shinok! Alright Barth, time to blow the candles..

-Can I blow my parents’ brains out instead?

Ya can’t blame you on this one, WILL YOU TWO KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR 2 MINS

Alright, here we go, I’m not even gonna ask what you’re wishing for because we all know.

Glitched yard background fire: 🔥🔥🔥

-WOOOO IM HOT

Not so fast, the Ti-Ning nose takes no prisoners!

-Failina has it too!!! >:(

Well it looks better on girls, what can I tell ya! Whatever, let’s roll for your aspiration, don’t even THINK of rolling family too..

-Oh don’t worry, I sure won’t!

UGH. At least we have a normal chem panel for once as Barth likes fancy bespectacled non-blondes. Boy do I have someone in mind for you!

NOP NEVERMIND IT’S CYN ROUND 2. FML

Ok Barth, here is your interim makeover until I download some stuff for you, how do you like it?

-I don’t know, I feel there’s something missing!

That’s just your soul, don’t worry about it!

-No no, it’s something else..

Alright I see where this is going..

-Now that’s better!

Oh ya, you look.. there are no words.

-HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY CROWN IDEA YOU FUCKING UNMOPPED VOMIT CHUNK -AT LAST THE CROWN RESTS ON THE HEAD OF SOMEONE WHO DESERVES IT -IT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE WITH YOUR OUTFIT

She’s got us there, Barth, you look ridic.

-YOU, SHUT UP, AND YOU, FAILINA, BRING YOUR HAND CLOSER SO I CAN BITE THE ENTIRE THING OFF

-YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME, BARFOLOMEW. STYLING IS OFF LIMITS, IT’S THE HOLY RULE OF THE FAMILY, YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH IT!!!! -I DON’T CARE AND I WILL GET AWAY WITH IT!!!!

AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE ETERNAL BACKGROUND FALL-OF-THE-HOUSE-OF-USHER FIRE. GO TO SCHOOL, BRATS