#helluva dad pietro

[ladyanaconda]

Father's Day

Dad, a son's first hero and a daughter's first love.

First pic, Jawns (belonging to Noda Mischief) and his daughter Arianna (co-owned with my friend Wumbo).

And, of course, the shitty father club featuring Gustav (Jane's father), Crimson, and Deathslinger. The latter is only there to rub it in their faces that he has no kids... that he knows of, at least.

In case you can't read, the shirts read:

"Worst Dad in Hell"

"Best Shitty Dad"

"I don't have any kids, BITCH."

[goteamwin]

He is standing on a doorstep in...where is he? Westview. Oh right, he’s on a doorstep in Westview, the best little small town in the world! When you’re here, you’re home, so why would anyone want to be anywhere else?

He is standing on a doorstep in Westview, ringing a doorbell at a house he has never been to. How did he get here? Where was he before? A woman is opening the door to the house and it’s...it’s...

It’s Wanda!

He has never met this woman.

It’s your sister Wanda!

He does have a sister. Her name is Wanda. This is not Wanda.

Hey, don’t you remember Wanda?

He does not know this woman’s face.

C’mon, you know Wanda!

The voice in his head is friendly and it’s telling him all sorts of Fun Facts™ about him and his life and his family. It confirms this sudden rush of memories about his sister that are all definitely real. But they’re not the right memories are they? Like, he has them, so they must be his, right? He can describe them in perfect minute detail. He was there, he knows, he has memories of it.

But he also has memories of a completely different life that contradicts almost every memory he has of her. Of his sister. Of Wanda.

Like, ok, he remembers babysitting Wanda while mom went to work but, like, he also remembers Wanda and him walking to school together for their first day of kindergarten.

And he remembers moving into an orphanage in some Eastern Bloc leftover after their parents died. But the orphanage in his memories looks a little like the boarding school from The Facts of Life and a lot like a house in the suburbs outside of DC. And for some reason his mom is there and also his estranged father is on the TV.

And sometimes he remembers running around an old house in upstate New York but there never was a house and he was never in New York, he was running in Sokovia, almost always Sokovia, running with Wanda. And one time there were robots. At first they were friends with the robots and then they realized that the robots were trying to destroy the planet and so they were fighting the robots. Him and Wanda. Fighting robots with their powers. And then --

No. That part he can’t remember. He knows he died, on a street he’s never been on, 100 miles in the air, saving the life of a man whose face he recognizes but who he’s certain he’s never met before. But he can’t remember actually dying. And how could he be dead when he’s very much alive and talking to his sister? His Wanda. His twin sister Wanda. He has a twin sister named Wanda, and don’t you forget it!

I have a twin sister named Wanda, he thinks, and you can’t argue with the facts when they’re standing in front of you and calling you by your name - Peter? Pietro. Peter. No, it’s Pietro, she’s calling Pietro, that is your name. Your name is Pietro.

He is in the kitchen holding a can of cola. How did he get here? He has no memory of walking into this kitchen and finding a glass and filling that glass with cola and standing at just this angle, the better to showcase this Kane Cola from a can. Who is he showing it to? The boys are not in the kitchen with him. Wanda and Vision are not in the kitchen with him. It is important he shows off this can of cola while he is in the kitchen. He takes a long thirsty sip, and then, to the empty kitchen he says, “What’s better than the refreshing taste of a cold Kane Cola?” and honestly he can’t think of anything better, that must be it, that must be why he said it out loud.

Everything feels slower here. He’s running, he’s running faster than everyone else, but it’s slow. It feels slow. He feels slow. Maybe it’s all the memories from someone else. Some other past that’s not his. But it is his. He was there. He knows because he remembers. He lived them. The memories. Like getting shot in Sokovia. No, he got shot at the Pentagon. No, he stopped people getting shot at the Pentagon. When was he at the Pentagon? No, maybe he stopped the bullets in Sokovia. But then, how could he be dead if he stopped the bullets? But then again, he’s not dead so maybe he didn’t.

He’s teaching his nephews how to shotgun a can of Kane Cola. What’s better than the refreshing taste of a cold Kane Cola? He puts this question to the twins. He likes the twins. He likes kids. That’s why he works at a school. They all remind him of his little sister Wanda, just a little bit. But Wanda’s his twin. He doesn’t have a little sister. And he never worked at a school, he died in Sokovia. Right after he’d decided to turn his life around, too. That’s a real bummer.

But hey! Now he’s not dead. No, he’s very much alive, and he’s visiting with his sister, his twin sister, his Wanda. And she’s married! To a Robot! Er, a Synthazoid. Who is also Not Dead! There’s a lot of that going around. Him and the 'zoid are basically brothers since they both got their powers from the stone in Viz's forehead. The stone from that time that him and his sister, his twin sister (Wanda), volunteered to be lab rats. You know, for some quality twin bonding time. And maybe some light vengeance. So why does he remember pocketing candy in a convenience store and running from a shop clerk at age 10? Running blocks and blocks and crossing the city line from downtown to his home in Virginia in a matter of seconds. Blocks on a street in DC, with American flags and US postal service boxes. But thinking about those blocks makes his head hurt and then the post boxes are evenly spaced in the middle of a crumbling Sokovian warzone.

He cracks open another Kane Cola. So smooth, so refreshing. Is there anything better than a cold Kane Cola?

It’s Halloween. He doesn’t remember it being October but he doesn’t really remember life before Westview, so he’s not that worried about it. He’s very excited to take the kids trick-or-treating. He has to take the kids trick-or-treating. It’s very important that he takes the kids trick-or-treating. Afterall, he has to help out his sister, Wanda. She’s fighting with her manbot and he has to keep them from fighting because if she fights with the manbot one or both of them could destroy the fragile fantasy world that they are all currently inhabiting, innocent bystanders and all, and what kind of brother would he be if he let that happen? Just one of those twin things.

The kids are having a great time. Tommy’s obviously superior and not just because Billy doesn’t seem to trust or like him. These kids also came from Wanda and that’s one helluva mystery since, by the sounds of it, she was only pregnant for about 48 hours but who is he to judge anyone for speeding things up? He takes the kids to steal candy. And smash pumpkins. And spray silly string on all the trick-or-treaters. He hopes the audience likes the shenanigans. They better or else they won’t pick the show up for a season 2. Then what will Wanda do?

But now it’s time for Real Talk. Wanda’s in trouble and what’s a big brother to do? Sorry, a twin brother to do?

“How’d you do it?” he hears himself asking and although he knows, factually, what he means, he does not understand, literally, what it is that she has done or why he is asking about it. He guesses that’s why he asked.

She tells him she doesn’t know and he believes her. Or maybe he doesn’t because he keeps pressing her for answers.

“Where were you hiding these kids up 'till now?” And he looks around at the children in the square and wonders, again, what he means. “I assume they were sleeping peacefully in their beds. No need to traumatize beyond the occasional holiday episode cameo, right?” He’s not sure what that means either. “Hey, I'm not some stranger and I'm not your husband. You can talk to me.” That’s nice, he’s glad he’s said that to her. But then he forgets her face. He forgets that he’s known her all his life. He is sitting on a hay bale saying these words he doesn’t understand to a woman he’s never seen before in his life. But that’s silly. He’s known her all his life. They’re twins. This is his twin. His sister. Wanda.

And then it looks like she’ll answer these questions. She is thinking hard and there’s a glint of revelation in her eyes, as if she is on the verge of understanding these answers herself.

But then the kids break in.

“Mom! I hear Dad in my head. He's in trouble!” It’s the suspicious one, it’s Billy. He suddenly doesn’t like Billy all that much. Which is ridiculous cuz he likes all kids, doesn’t he?

“Hey, don't sweat it, sis. It's not like your dead husband can die twice.” He hears himself saying these words and they don’t really feel like his, but they’re coming out of his mouth so they must be, right? But honestly there’s no time to process what he’s said or why because Wanda’s anger, her fury, is palpable. It’s a physical force that he can see and taste and it burns inside him, like the anger is his now. He can feel it, like really feel it, like it is literally smacking him in the face so hard he is launched across the town square and into some hay bales and fake headstones.

But it is this, this moment, the force of it, that shakes loose the dream he’s been living in. This playacting he’s been a part of - no, not playacting. He’s not an actor, he’s a puppet. A puppet whose strings are pulled by a walking Nervous Breakdown who thinks he’s her brother. She manipulated him, she’s manipulating this whole world, into living out every sitcom trope she’s ever seen and he was just a single bit player in a larger than life television production. But now? Now he’s clear. Now he remembers - his life, his past, where he was before Westview. Best small town in the world my ass. The clouds in his mind are lifted for the first time in what feels like a long time and now he knows who he is.

He is Ralph Boehner.

[ladyanaconda]

The Promise

It's not easy being a father and part of the mafia. No matter how hard you try to keep them safe, you never know when your work will catch up to your family.

[ladyanaconda]

Father and Son 🦈

Pietro loved climbing into his father’s head. He’d often nap there and would bite the hands of anyone—except Bianca—who tried to get him off.

[ladyanaconda]

Random Pietro Doodles

[ladyanaconda]

Walk Through the Garden

When she was pregnant, Bianca would sometimes take a stroll through her rose garden. Here, she's pregnant with Giulia. Little Pietro brought flowers for his little sister.

[ladyanaconda]

Mamma's boy