#herdeepestthoughts

[herdeepesthoughtsblog]

Life Lately

Its the last Sunday for the month of February! And it only means one thing. Another entry post for my The Sunday Currently! Can you believe it? We’re on to Vol. 5! Yey!

So it kinda feel odd that 27 days have passed just like that. There are many things that happened, at least for me, in my life. And, I want to share my thoughts about current events worldwide. I think I forgot to write it out earlier when I do my morning pages. So yeah, here I am, I’ll be rambling on and on about whatever thoughts cross my mind. Bear with me!

CURRENTLY

READING: A blog post. This is from my favorite kdrama blogger, @kfangurl. Let me share it with you. Here’s a link to the current post I’m reading. This is the perfect blog to go if you want to see some solid KDrama reviews, ask questions about fangirling and more. Hit the follow and subscribe button to send some loves!

WRITING: This TSC and also outlining my due article for The Finance Boost site.

LISTENING: The perfect music for when you’re typing on laptop and spewing random thoughts whilst oversharing what’s going on in your life: 

Easy by Camila Cabello 

I mean, the lyrics are so damn good! What an eargasm. It just hits you right into your heart! I love love love it, esp this one that goes:

All I know is you, heal me when I'm broken Heal me when I'm broken, oh All I know is you, saved me and you know it Saved me and you know it

THINKING: About what to write? LOL! Maybe I’ll start by sharing my account for the last three days.

SMELLING: Honestly, I can’t use my olfactory sense. Feelin’ I might have started a mild cold or something. Oh no!

WISHING: To make up for the lost time. Well, I’m 3 articles due and here I am stressing out about it because, I supposed to be in sync with my writing calendar schedule. 

I mean, for sure. There are many things that happened, just for this week alone. I trade time for money, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go out there and have some fun, right? I was just a bit worried because I don’t want unending piles of unfinished business. 

But then, great things take time, right? Hence, although I’m stressing over my due articles, well, I can’t blame the lack of time. These articles top up 3k+ words and more, depending on the complexity of topic. I’m also out of words, most of the time.

My pomodoro method is like 20 mins of work and typing 500+ words then 2 hours or more of watching, eating, and doing personal stuff. LOL.

HOPING: For the Ukraine vs. Russia’s conflict to resolved. Nobody wants war. It scares the shit out of me; with all these potential WWIII that circulating over the internet. It got me thinking about the borrowed and temporary life and peace we enjoy today. I mean, our country may be far away from these lands, but isn’t the first world war started at that region as well,? Just the thought of these war going on makes me depressed and overthink about what other potential things could happen. What if China go berserk and go against us? I mean, what are the odds? 

Praying for Ukraine. For the innocent people affected by this adversity. For the leaders to unite, and for Putin to wake up and realized his actions. Hoping for everything to go back to how it used to be.

What the hell did Putin even want? Only he knows. 

I hope and pray for world peace. It’s something I’ve taken for granted for awhile now. All those war theme and The Diary of Young Girl, Anne Frank- comes back to me. I just hope that this war ends and everything will go back to normal.

We can’t afford it right now, esp us living in the third world country. We’ve barely even survived the pandemic and just starting out to recover and this upcoming worldwide crisis? We are at a huge disadvantage. 

WEARING: PJ’s brown checkered partnered with green basic tee. 

NEEDING: Extra time. I need more time to do all my stuff esp to catch up on my writings. Btw, I think I have shared already that I FINALLY GOT MY DREAM JOB! (can’t wait to update my LinkedIn profile hahaha!) And now I’m on the process of accomplishing the pre-employment requirements. What a blessing in disguise that my official program won’t start until later than next month. This means, more time to prepare and do all my stuff.

Finally! I’ve secured the job and this March, I’m looking forward to my month long preparation and coming to terms into peace for all those hobbies I neglect, must fix, and ditch. 

For sure, I’m going to miss the freelance work-from-home life and I’ve learned so much. But it’s also time for me to go and see the outside world, I’m missing working onsite and I’m all ready for that.

Actually, I’m going to disappear for a month and I’ll plan my March with an intention of MINDFULNESS. Now I know what areas to improve and I must fix, I’m going to make it right once more. We were given another new chances in life everyday, and all we can do is make the most out of it.

FEELING: Sick. Remember how I didn’t have a sense of smell? Well, I can confirm that I now have a cold. I also feel tired for no reason at all. I took a nap for two hours this afternoon and I still feel sleepy. My body wants to lay down. I hope this is nothing sort of serious. Maybe the stress kicking in.

Did I mention that Zuko get lost for almost 24 hours last Thursday? As the curious cat that she is, she forgot her way home. I thought Mama and Papa were just kidding, but then when we got home that day, she really wasn’t there.

All sorts of negative feelings came rushing through. Now I understand and realized, this must be what parent’s feels like when their child get lost or go away without words at all.

I was worried sick the whole night, I barely get sleep. I was wondering where Zuko went and how is she. Did someone took her, abuse her, or whatever. How did she eat- all that stuff. My heart just started to break down into tiny little pieces.

Thankfully, the morning after, she came back. Thanks to Papa’s extra effort to climb the roof, shout her name, and search for her. Zuko was just at a faraway neighbor’s roof, just standing still. 

I wonder if cats feel afraid too if they get lost? One thing is for sure. We’re keeping tabs on Zuko and we won’t allow her to wander again just like that. Although, it’s really part of her, you know, in heat phase, I can’t risk losing her. I’m so attached with my furry friends and I just felt enormous love and care for them. They’re like my practice child? HAHAHAHHA. But, kidding aside, I do love and care for my feline pets.

Another noteworthy to share is that we ate Kimchi Fried Rice! The idea was mine and I made at least 25% of the effort while Wendell did all the cooking part. Hahahah! Nevertheless, it tasted so good, we ate much to our heart’s content.

We also went on a carnival date with our friends. It was just fine. I didn’t enjoy much as I thought I would be. Its because of all these stupid Final Destination jokes and all that ridiculous stuff. It scared the shit out of me again! Of course, who wouldn’t? Not long after when I watched the recent incident in a theme park that week. 

So I was really you know, trying to enjoy, have a good time, but also getting too worried sick and cautious about all that “what-if’s.”

Wendell and I got henna tattoos! Mine was heavenly bodies alignment and his were a tree with full on branches and leaves.

It was romantic, noisy, exhausting, fun, all at the same time. I can’t wait to have more dates with my Pi.

So that’s all for me for this week. I did have a great time and life’s good.

I hope you had a great week too! Just keep swimming!

Always remember that your labor is not in vain.

Have a beautiful week ahead my friends!

[herdeepesthoughtsblog]

Life Lately

It’s the first Sunday of the new month, February!!! How are you doing? I hope that you, my reader is doing well in life and living at your best. Life’s good.

Idk if it’s just me, but I feel weird whenever the first day of a new month is a continuation of the week from the previous month. I’d like to treat my official start of February to be in the beginning of the week, say Sunday or Monday. In my opinion, that feels way more right. 

Overall it’s a moderate start. Did not expect quite a few job opps that I attended to anyway, but I’m feeling good because I’m starting slow and steady, finding my own rhythm. 

So let’s get straight into business! February’s first TSC and in Vol. III Lezgo!

CURRENTLY

READING: 

Emails--- or more like catching up. I’ve got quite a few unread messages and I’m not the type to leave my inbox with hundreds or thousands of unread messages (I always try to leave it to zero or not more than 20) Well, I still manually filter them because most of the emails I received are ads, promotions, social updates, and even messages from stupid websites I barely even remember I have agreed to signed on to. *Can you suggest of an email filtering app or system? Thanks!

WRITING: 

An initial draft of an article (from my freelance writing stuff) it’s due tomorrow and I’m mostly at 25% progress. 

LISTENING:

Making Love Out of Nothing at All by Air Supply. Well, I’m actually listening to this whole UV Express Playlist. Go check ‘em out!

THINKING:

Or more like hardly contemplating what to eat for dinner. I mean I’m resolving to be conscious of what I ate, turning into more greens and healthier options. Well, we do have a healthy dish tonight, but I’m craving for some noodles. Idk, even choosing what to eat is mentally exhausting! Makes me loose more brain cells. This is not right. I should limit my options and learn to eliminate then automate!

SMELLING:

My floral fruity shampoo fragrance in pink roses and berries scent. Yep, fresh from the bath it is! 

WISHING:

I’m at someplace, at the beach or any space where I’m all alone, eating my thoughts and feelings at the same time. Someplace quiet where I could feel inspiration will hit me and I won’t hear this annoying Rihanna’s S&M song from on repeat Tiktok dance (mama’s a hardcore dancer at Tiktok, I don’t even have a Tiktok account!)

HOPING:

For a fulfilling and productive week ahead. More blessings, guidance, good news, and opportunities on my way. I’m also hoping I’ll remember and live on on today’s gospel. I just streamed today’s holy mass online because I don’t feel like going out.

It was about trusting God and to remember not to be afraid. Because, God moves in mysterious ways, even the apostles are neither sure nor ready yet they learned how to trust and follow Him completely. 

I hope I can do the same. I know deep within, I love our creator, I believe in one supreme being. Yet, I’m a weak person, always succumbing to temptations. Hence, I hope I can embody today’s message and to learn how to trust more, to learn how to let go. I believe, I have done my best part, and I shall let God do his act and trust Him 100% because He knows what’s ultimately best for us. We may not understand everything or know why certain good and bad things happened, but it is what it is, right? 

You just have to take a moment, tune into your breathing, release and let go. Trust that everything is happening for a reason and is falling into the right place.

WEARING:

Nighty dress (ready to sleep!) with printed cute cat line drawing

NEEDING:

Assurance, peace of mind, solitude, silence. In material sense, I need a NEW BOOK. Buying books is much of a hobby as it is reading them.

I badly need to work on my “letting go” and “learning to trust” part. For someone with trust issues like me plus an overthinker, it’s really hard to chill and calm the train down.

I feel like time is running out, that I have tons of things to do yet, I’m not doing anything. Am I really busy or just lazy procrastinating sugarcoated as productivity?

The act of trying to completely trust and let the universe do its thing is a new feeling for me. I can’t help but to feel anxious, paralyzed by the “what-ifs”, terrified of the unknown and uncertainty. 

I’m sure I’ll be devastated if I feel like I haven’t done something or let go of an opportunity (because I don’t know how to wait patiently, or maybe I don’t know if this is what I really want, or this is the right thing for me). I’m frightened of the thought that this might end into futile efforts. But I know I need to move forward from it.

FEELING:

I’m in a cruel loophole of two step forward, only to find myself one step backward.

Last night, I had a late night convo with one of my closest friend. We initially talked about Marvel Heroes, particularly Spider-Man, (btw, I’d finished binge-watching all Spider-Man movies! My favorite is Tobey Maguire version, he’s the OG and a DILF. But I also loved the chemistry of Andrew and Emma, my heart sank when she died tragically, Gwen is better than MJ for me,--- am afraid I’m turning into a marvel hero fan! but my boyfriend and I agreed to watch and re-watch all Marvel movies in the right order of watching, so good luck with that)

So anyway, my friend and I talked about life and life back in high school. Opening up resentments is like an old wound perfectly sealed with a band-aid, but once ripped, it stings a bit, and feels fresh again.

Not too much damn hurtful, but it feels new holes are digging and opening up again. I’d really rather not reminisce the ugly parts of my high school, esp my resentments and regrets (currently working on with that) much more talk about it. But, it feels somehow still, nice because my friend and I are validating ourselves and we are on the same page, we understood each other. 

It surprised me that I shared this deepening thoughts pent-up within without harassment or judgment from the receiving line.

Right now. I’m also feeling a bit lost. I honestly don’t know what to do in this early 20s stage of my life. I can’t help but compare myself to others, wish I’m at other place, living a completely different life. I can’t help but to feel like there’s so much at my plate yet they’re intangible. I often muse about when I can live the dream life and how to get there.

How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?

I’m torn between finding the right balance of living as a responsible and matured adult vs. living as if it’s your last. How can you thrive and succeed while also enjoying every moment?

I often question myself whether I’m doing everything with the right reasons. Do I really care or do I really want this, or is this because what my family or the society or external people want from me that lives on my head?

Is this really it? Is there a powerful higher consciousness out there that knows better and is guiding me or I’m just living and listening to the voices on my head? I feel like actually living in 1984, with me as the bleak omniscient perpetrator.

Strange, but maybe I’m just hormonal.

With that, let me leave you with a photo of one of my other cat Zuko. Isn’t she adorable?

I hope your days are better and life’s treating you well.

Remember this poignant lyrics from the brilliant, Ms. Taylor Swift’s “Nothing New”

I know someday I'm gonna meet her, it's a fever dream The kind of radiance you only have at 17 She'll know the way, and then she'll say she got the map from me I'll say I'm happy for her, then I'll cry myself to sleep

Have a great week ahead! Fighting!