#here's some sub top eddie from yours truly

[steddielations]

nsfw, actor eddie, hair and makeup artist steve, sub top

The downside of Eddie having a bunch of tattoos is that he has to sit in the makeup trailer longer than anyone else getting them covered, along with his character’s makeup. 

The plus side is he gets more time with Steve. 

They have this game. It started on Eddie’s first day. He was all wired up with nerves because it’s his first time in a lead role on a big production like this.

Every nightmare scenario of how he could screw up was running through his mind. He couldn’t sit still enough for Steve to give him the wavy hair and facial scars that his character has. 

Eddie kept apologizing and Steve was great about it. He asked Eddie about the heart on his arm with “Wayne” across the ribbon and distracted Eddie from over-practicing his lines, busy telling Steve all about his uncle who raised him and where they’re from. 

Eddie killed it on set that day, and pretty much every day since then. He loves acting, he loves fully immersing himself in the story he’s telling. This role is the biggest of his career so far, but it’s not even about that, he loves the character he’s playing, he meshes well with the director and has chemistry with his co-stars.

But Steve is his favorite part of this whole deal.

Eddie ran out of tattoos for their little game of telling Steve the story behind a different one every day. They never ran out of things to talk about though.

But Steve takes his job seriously and he’s good at it. He explained once why he likes doing this. It’s an art, getting the right look for the right character, or the right person, connecting with and taking care of whoever’s in his chair.

He explained it all while he was running his fingers through Eddie’s hair in those perfectly practiced strokes. Steve’s very good at his job, that’s why it feels so nice when he touches Eddie, even if it’s just work, because Steve cares about this. That’s why it’s easy for Eddie to be lulled into bliss when Steve’s fingers are so gentle on his scalp.

And, okay Eddie’s not made of stone, and he has eyes so he has a thing for Steve. A crush, but there’s a line there. This is work. They’re co-workers, despite how many pretty smiles and lingering looks are exchanged. Eddie won’t cross that line.

Until he does. 

It’s an accident. He never would have done it on purpose. 

Steve’s fingers are just so talented. Eddie’s eyes are closed, he was having another fit of nerves earlier so Steve took extra time with his hair. It put Eddie in a space so relaxed that he feels like he’s floating when Steve’s hand twists in his hair with the perfect amount of tension. It feels so intentional. The moan just slips out.

Eddie apologizes like crazy afterward, he feels terrible. Steve is a picture of professionalism, he’s charming and fun but he runs the makeup trailer like it's the navy and he takes his shit seriously and Eddie crossed a line. 

But Steve just shushes him, guides him to sit back in the chair and says it’s alright. 

Eddie blinks in disbelief but Steve just looks at him. 

It’s a look. 

A look that Eddie can’t stop thinking about for the rest of production.

It’s a look he sees again on his last day on set.

Eddie already shook everyone’s hands and said his goodbyes. He's just stopping by his trailer one last time to make sure the assistants got all his stuff cleared out. 

When he opens the door, his stomach flips, finding Steve waiting inside for him.

“You wrapped filming today,” Steve says in place of a greeting. But his smile and the way his arm is languidly stretched over the back of the couch is inviting. 

Something tells Eddie to lock the door before he goes over to sit next to Steve.

His gaze is even more intense up close. Eddie feels Steve’s eyes on him everywhere, like he’s just eating Eddie up. 

“Yeah, I did,” Eddie says, a tad nervous.

He doesn't want to make a move he can’t take back in case he’s wrong about why Steve’s in his trailer looking at him like that. He doesn’t want to be one of those douchebag movie stars that assumes everyone wants him and he has a free pass to hit on the crew. He’s sure Steve’s had enough of that bullshit.

“We don’t work together anymore,” Steve simply states.

“I know, it sucks,” Eddie laughs a bit sad because he really is, “Sorry if it’s weird to say, but I’m gonna miss you.”

Steve’s eyes shift between Eddie’s and then down to his lips, making his heart stutter in his chest.

“No it’s a good thing,” Steve says and Eddie’s brows knit in confusion. “It means I can do this finally.”

Eddie thinks he’s watching his daydreams play out the way Steve starts leaning in. 

It’s only real when Steve’s lips press softly to his.

Just once, so light, long enough for Eddie to catch on that it’s happening, then Steve pulls back before Eddie can reciprocate.

Steve chuckles faintly at the dramatic frown Eddie’s pulling. 

Then Steve’s hand cups Eddie’s cheek, his thumb stroking Eddie’s face as he tells him, “We can stop there and keep it professional and say our goodbyes. Or I can climb on your lap and give you something to remember me by.”

Eddie gulps. Steve’s offer and his silky voice and his perfect touch that Eddie’s already so addicted to is such a heady mix, making it hard to form words. “Yes, climb me— I mean, option B.”

“Yeah, honey, you want that?” God, Eddie always blushed hot when Steve called him that casually in the makeup trailer, now he’s melting hearing Steve say it like this. “Well, go on and take your pants off for me.”

It happens in a syrupy warm blur. Eddie sheds his jeans and underwear like he’s told and he’s rewarded with a gorgeously naked Steve Harrington in his lap. He’s allowed to touch, only after Steve has threaded his fingers through Eddie’s hair more reverently than any time before, like something precious in his hands, and kisses Eddie deep and hard. 

Then Eddie gets to nuzzle the chest hair that’s been driving him crazy peeking out of Steve’s shirt every time he leaned over. Eddie gets to touch Steve’s soft strong thighs, feeling the smatter of hair leading up to his ass that’s been driving Eddie even more insane trying not to stare at. Then he slips his fingers in and moans into Steve’s mouth when he feels the hard bulb of a plug nestled inside Steve.

Steve pulls back from the kiss, smiling and smearing his thumb over the spit on Eddie’s lips. “Yeah, I’m so ready for you, Eddie, baby, you have no idea.”

Eddie’s practically drooling watching Steve take out the plug and get a bottle of lube from between the cushions and a condom, oiling up his hand. When his fist wraps around Eddie’s cock, Eddie helplessly bucks into it, but Steve’s solid thighs pin him down. That makes his mind lust-foggy and his eyes flutter up at Steve, who bites his lip watching Eddie as he lines up to his hole.

“Mm... you know how bad I wanted you?” Steve sounds relieved as he sinks down on Eddie’s cock. “You know how bad I wanted to climb on your lap when you were sitting in my chair. You know how starry-eyed you get when you’re drifting? Just from me touching your hair, so fucking cute.”

Eddie’s just a mess of moans, Steve is so hot and tight around him. It’s too much with all the sweet praise to really comprehend that Steve knew all those times he was getting spacy.

“It’s so easy to put you down.” Steve’s breath comes harder, not letting Eddie move as he starts to roll his hips. “Such an actor, high strung all the time but that’s okay. It’s your passion. That’s sexy. Been dying to hold you down and ride you until you can’t think about anything but me, though.”

Eddie gasps out a groan when Steve tugs sharply on his hair, being right about everything that Eddie’s into so far. It’s no secret that Eddie’s intense, just a different kind of intensity in the bedroom than with his craft. 

Steve seems to get it, seems to know that Eddie needs everything hard and relentless with the way he’s bouncing on Eddie’s dick. He can feel the strength in Steve’s hips, dying to feel them fucking into him too, mouth watering at the sight of his thick cock jumping with all the movement.

“You’d let me tie you down and use you, hm?” Steve asks, drawing Eddie by the hair into a biting kiss that just barely grazes the surface of what Eddie would let Steve do to him. “I know. I’d fuck you up so good if we had time, baby.”

“Steve, holy shit,” Eddie practically sobs, fingers digging into Steve’s ass.

“You close, honey?” 

“Fuck, yeah.” 

Steve suddenly cups his face, just a tad rough and Eddie thought— hoped for one hot moment— that Steve was going to slap him. Just the thought is enough to make him do what he's supposed to, “Can I?” 

“Mh-hm just keep looking at me,” Steve strokes Eddie’s face as he circles his hips and takes Eddie deep. “Wanna see those pretty eyes when you come inside me.”

Eddie does as he’s told, his gaze falling half-shut as he lets go, spilling into the condom like he’s pumping Steve full.

It’s the hottest thing that’s ever happened to him, followed by the second hottest thing when Steve kisses his slack mouth as his warm heavy spurts of come land on Eddie’s belly.

While Eddie’s coming down, he lets Steve shift him onto the couch. He gets some tissues and then pulls Eddie to lie on his chest because of course he would, he’s Steve.

“Was that enough to remember me by when you get all big and famous?” Steve asks after a while, trailing his knuckles down Eddie’s bare arm.

Eddie looks up, seeing the first glimpse of hesitance in all of Steve’s practiced smoothness.

So Eddie leans in and assures him between pecks on his lips that slowly turn to smiles pressing together. “Nope, think we gotta do it again. And again. And again.” 

[xxbimbobunnyxx]

See you again

(Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader x Fem!OC)

Summary: Your girlfriend surprises you with tickets to see your favorite band, Corroded Coffin for your birthday. You and her spent one magical night with the lead singer over a year ago before they made it big. Will he remember you? (He definitely will.)

Warnings: 18+MDNI M/F/F threesome, OC and reader are in an established queer relationship, spit kink, choking, Dom!OC, Switch!Eddie, Sub!reader, nipple play, unprotected sex, G/G, reader is described to be a bit more shy and has a few moments of self doubt, Oral (F & M receiving) and I think that’s it? If I missed any please let me know! WK: 6.2k

A/N: Okay this was based on a request by @melodymunson for a rockstar!eddie threesome, I know you said you wanted them to be besties but I kind of took some liberties and then it just got away from me and I made lore lol. Potentially might write a prequel about their first night together if anyone is interested in that! Also the top right photo is supposed to depict my OC. Reader has no descriptions besides the outfit she is wearing. Feedback is greatly appreciated!🖤 Read the prequel here.

You eagerly waited in the line to the venue to see your favorite band. You have been a fan since they were still pretty underground, only playing in small bars for a few 100 people and haven’t gotten the chance to see them…see him since they got a record deal and made it big. The first time you saw them the lead singer and guitarist had you transfixed. You felt like a creep because you only knew his name since he said it on stage and yet you couldn’t stop thinking about him when you had your hand between your thighs at night. You went to several shows after that, never having the nerve to talk to him but always making lingering eye contact that you couldn’t tell if you were imaging or not.

Eventually you met your girlfriend Chloe at one of their shows and you and her immediately bonded over your mutual crush on the frontman. It didn’t take you long to realize you also had massive crushes on each other and the rest was history. You weren’t like Chloe, you never would have talked to her if she hadn’t approached you first. She was bold and confident and you were more shy and reserved despite the way you dressed insinuating otherwise. So when she told you at the last show you guys had gone to that she was going to just walk up to Eddie and ask him if he wanted to fool around with you guys you felt like you were going to pass out.

“Come on baby, we have talked about and fantasized about this so much. You might not want to believe it but I see the way he looks at us, I don’t think he would turn us down and even if he did that’s the worst that could happen.”

But he didn’t turn you down, his voice squeaked when he answered her and it made you feel a little better knowing he was nervous too. The three of you spent what was one of the best nights of your life together in the back of his van right outside the bar. Afterwards he told you over breakfast at a local diner that they had gotten signed very recently and would be moving out to California in the next week. You congratulated him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek before you parted ways and you haven’t seen him since.

So when Chloe surprised you with the tickets for your birthday, making a whole big thing of it, driving to the city and going shopping for new outfits. You were both equally nervous as you were excited. It’s not like there was even a guarantee he would see you or even recognize you but the possibility had you clenching your thighs thinking back to that night.

You made sure to get there early so when the doors opened you were able to rush to be directly up front against the bar. As people flooded in, you really looked around and realized how big the place truly was.

“This is crazy, I can’t believe how popular they are now. It was only a year ago when we saw them in that tiny bar in town.”

Chloe looked over at you and smiled “I know, it’s like they blew up over night! I’m excited to hear them play some of their new shit live!” She put her hands on your hips and got close to whisper in your ear.

“Plus… I don’t hate the idea of seeing Eddie again…”

You put your arms around her neck and bit your lip, looking into her pretty crystal blue eyes “I know, I don’t either”

You giggled, twisting some strands of her dyed cherry red hair at the back of her neck around your fingers before your face fell. “He probably won’t even see us though, even if he did, who knows if he would even recognize us at this point? I’ve heard his songs on the radio and seen his pictures in magazines. He's probably been with tons of girls since then.”

•

Little did you know Eddie had already noticed you. He was standing off to the side of the stage absentmindedly watching the local band that was opening for them tonight when saw you standing right in front with your girlfriend's arms wrapped around your shoulders. He felt his pants getting tighter just knowing he was in the same room as you. With the venues and crowds getting bigger and bigger he wasn’t sure he would ever see you again. But there you were looking pretty as ever in a tiny little leopard print top and a tight leather skirt with studded belts layered on it and he suddenly felt extremely nervous to go on stage for the first time in a while.

He thought about you as much as you thought about him. He thought about Chloe too, but he thought about you just a tiny bit more. He had seen you at his shows several times, way before he ever saw her. But he was always too nervous to talk to you. You truly intimidated him with your sexy little outfits, the way the black make-up was always perfectly smoked around your eyes making them pop, those glossy lips he wanted so badly to feel on his skin. You always came alone until one day you didn’t, you showed up with this gorgeous girl that was almost as tall as him, with cherry red hair and beautiful blue eyes that sparkled as she looked down at you. When he saw her wrap his arms around you and kiss you he was so disappointed he felt like his heart was going to fall out of his ass.

But then your girlfriend started making eye contact with him when he was on stage, looking him dead in the eyes as you swayed your hips against hers and she placed innocent seeming kisses on your neck when the look in her eyes was anything but. She would wink at him over your shoulder while she grabbed your ass and at that point he knew she was definitely teasing him. Even though he was pretty much positive that was the case, the small chance that it wasn’t was enough to deter him from approaching you in fear of coming off as a creep.

That night when you both walked up to him and pretty much straight up asked him if he wanted to fuck even with all of the crazy new experiences he’s had in the last year that was still the best night of his life. It played on a loop in his mind more often than he’d like to admit so the fact that you were standing there front and center at his show felt like the universe was blessing him and there was no way he was going to pass that up.

•

After the opening band finished there were people all over the stage, switching out instruments and equipment to get ready for CC to come on. The lights lowered and you felt butterflies in your tummy at the prospect of seeing Eddie again. When he came out you felt like you would’ve dropped to the ground if Chloe didn’t have her arms around you. He was always beautiful but now? He was otherworldly. If the fact that he wasn’t wearing a shirt and had added several tattoos to his chest since you saw him last wasn’t enough already he was wearing fucking leather pants that looked like they were painted on his body, a bit of eyeliner smudged around his eyes and his hair was styled to perfection.

As soon as he stood center stage, directly in front of you he made eye contact with you and smiled a big goofy smile at you. You felt like the butterflies in your stomach were going to explode. You looked back at Chloe with a flustered look on your face.

“You saw that.. right?” You gulped.

“Oh yeah, I saw that. I knew he would remember us, how could he forget? Especially you baby, you’re just so pretty.”

She smoothed some of your hair that was out of place and cupped your jaw. You leaned into her hand, she had this way of making you feel all fuzzy and warm with just her words and a simple touch and you felt your nerves calm slightly. It was short lived though, Eddie’s voice came through the speakers and flooded your senses.

“Hey everyone! You ready to fucking rock this bitch?!” As he played the first few chords of the first song everyone cheered, including you. As he played through the first songs of the set you were in absolute awe of him. You felt so proud of him, of all of them, seeing them in this environment. The way he worked the crowd, looking so natural up there, dominating the room with his presence. You couldn’t keep your eyes off him, bouncing between the way his fingers were working the guitar to the way his lips looked when he sang, wet with a mixture of spit and sweat. It made you think about how his hands and mouth felt in other places.

It didn’t help that he couldn’t keep his eyes off you either. He kept making eye contact with you and winking, standing directly in front of you with those fucking leather pants that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. His cock looked so big you literally wanted to pull his pants down right there and suck him off in front of everyone.

“He looks so fucking hot” Chloe whispered in your ear while leaving a few warm wet kisses along your pulse point causing you to subconsciously lean your head back on her shoulder grinding back against her and letting out a little whimper.

“Yeah…” you sighed “He fucking does” you looked back up at him and he was looking directly at you with a lust filled gaze as he sang. Chloe was still kissing your neck and knowing her she was staring back at him with the same intensity.

She was whispering dirty things in your ear while her hands roamed your body, leaving small wet kisses on your cheek and jaw. Eddie was up there, unable to take his eyes off the two of you, thrusting into his guitar and practically making out with the microphone. All through the show they continued their back and forth teasing, with you caught in the middle of it, just trying to stay standing upright at this point.

After the current song ended he bent down to whisper to one of the security guards, you watched him tilt his head towards you, and he sent you a wink before standing back at the center of the stage.

“Alright guys, this is gonna be our last song of the night!! You guys have been so awesome, thank you for coming out!!”

Halfway through the song the security guard Eddie whispered to approached you. “He wants to see you backstage.”

He opened the gate just enough for you both to slip through it. You heard a few girls making jealous comments and throwing insults your way but you genuinely couldn't care less at this moment.

You followed the guard backstage, with Chloe behind you as they finished up their final song. You stood off to the side as he thanked everyone and wished them a good night when he noticed you. He immediately started walking towards you, time felt like it was going in slow motion and your head was spinning the closer he got.

He walked right up to you, placing his hands on your shoulders and beaming at you.

“Hi princess” He pulled you into his arms and enveloped you in everything Eddie. His sweaty bare chest was pressed up against your cheek and he smelled so fucking good. Like sweat, cigarettes, a hint of weed, and a cologne that smells more expensive than the one he wore last time you saw him.

“Hi Eddie” you wrapped your arms around his waist and sighed, slightly muffled by the way your face was shoved into him. Wrapping his arms around your shoulders and locking you close to him, he rests his chin on your head so he can look past you at Chloe.

“Hey pretty boy” you heard her say as you felt her come up behind you and reach past you to run a finger along Eddie’s jaw before cupping it in her hand. “Did you miss us?”

He bit his lip and nodded, but Chloe wasn’t having any of that. She shoved her hand into his hair and pulled hard, causing him to let out a sexy groan that made you have to hold back a whimper of your own.

“Words babe, I wanna hear you say it” The way she was talking to him had you already feeling fuzzy and you knew it wasn’t going to take much for you to be in that fucked out headspace she always puts you in.

“Y-yeah I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you after last time… we didn’t exchange numbers or anything so when I saw you two standing out there I thought I was dreaming again.”

“Again?” She cocked her eyebrow at him “Have you been dreaming of us honey?” She was fully pressed up against your backside now, with Eddie still caging you in from the front.

“Fuck yes I have” He groaned “How could I not?” He tilted his head so he was looking down at you “You’re the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen…”

You looked up at him through your lashes and brought your bottom lip between your teeth, feeling a lot less nervous now that you know he’s been thinking of you.

You got up on your tiptoes so you could whisper directly in his ear.

“We want you Eddie… take us to your dressing room, please?” You flicked your tongue out and licked behind his ear, sucking a little while you rubbed your hands down his chest.

“Fuck. You guys are going to kill me. I’ll do you one better though, take you to my way too fancy for me to comprehend hotel room and fuck you on the big king sized bed… All. Night. Long.” His hand came up to the nape of your neck and squeezed, this time you couldn’t hold it back, you let out a little whimper.

“Oh yeah? All night pretty boy? You think you can keep up with us?” She grabbed his chin, squishing his cheeks together and shaking his head from side to side a little. Seeing the way Eddie submitted to her was driving you insane, thinking back to how dominant he was with YOU it was so sexy how easily she could turn him into putty in her hands.

She brought her lips back to your neck, kissing and licking while she looked over you into Eddie’s eyes in that way that drove him absolutely crazy.

“Fuck. Alright. Let’s fucking go before I lose my mind start fucking you right here.” He let go of you and you immediately missed his embrace, but he grabbed your hand, dragging toward the back exit and to the car he had waiting, pulling Chloe along behind you. 

The short drive to his hotel was a blur, you were sandwiched between them in the backseat, two sets of hands and lips roaming your body. They were grabbing at your chest, your thighs, kissing and licking on your neck leaving marks and love bites, you were completely at their mercy. When the car started coming to a stop you all practically jumped out, giggling and smiling at each other as you started running hand in hand towards his room.

•

As soon as the door was shut Eddie was on you, he grabbed your face in his big hands and ran his thumbs over your cheeks, his rings were cool and it felt nice on your heated skin “You are so beautiful.” He smiled down at you and then kissed you way more gently than he had in the car, he kissed you like you meant something to him and it was confusing and a little scary but it made your insides feel like they were on fire.

“Okay I get it, you guys are obsessed with each other and that’s very cute and all but I want you both on your fucking knees. Now.” Chloe was standing a few feet away from you, with her hands on her hips and a fire in her eyes that went straight to your core. You kicked off your boots and slid down to your knees without hesitation. It took Eddie’s brain a second to compute not only that this was actually happening right now but how hot your dynamic was. The way you immediately submitted to your girlfriend made his cock even harder than it already was and he wasn’t even sure how that was possible at this point.

He stood there dumbfounded for a second before she walked over to him and grabbed his jaw in her hand, pulling his face close to hers. “I told you to Get. On. Your. Fucking. Knees.”

He stared at her with wide brown eyes before kneeling down next to you.

“Good. You gonna be a good boy for me? I’ll only let you touch my girl if you’re good.” She was bent down to look him directly in the eyes, seeming even taller than she already was and he kind of felt like he was going to bust in his pants right now.

“Yes, I’ll be good. Promise.” He was looking up at her with those pretty doe eyes, driving her crazy.

“Good boy.” She ran her thumb over his bottom lip and he lapped his tongue over it before taking it into his mouth. “Very good boy.”

You squirmed in place, shoving your hands between your legs and squeezing as you watched them. You were honestly so horny at this point you needed one of them to touch you before you exploded. The way Chloe was talking to him was so fucking hot.

“Mmm and we have my good girl too” she said as she looked over at you. “Are you gonna be a good girl for me and Eddie tonight honey?”

“Yes I wanna be good” you bit your lip and nodded eagerly.

“Good. You can start by getting those hands from between your thighs, I didn’t give you permission to do that.” You stuttered out an apology and rested your hands on your lap.

“I’ll let it slide just this once, because my baby is just so eager huh? Want us both to fuck you so bad don’t you?”

“Yes, I want it so bad, been wanting it so bad. I need it.”

“Look how pretty you both look on your knees for me.” She brought a hand to each of your throats and applied just the right amount of pressure. “Take each other's clothes off.”

She didn’t have to tell Eddie twice he practically ripped off the leather jacket he put on in the car and then turned to you and undid the tie at the front of your top.

“Fuck, no bra sweetheart? Are you trying to kill me?”

You bit your lip and nodded “I was hoping that maaaaybe we might see you, I didn’t see any point in wearing it if you were just going to take it off.”

He groaned as he pushed your shirt off your shoulders before leaning in to kiss your neck, making his way down to your chest. But before he can get very far he’s yanked back abruptly by hair.

Chloe towered over him, blue eyes boring down into his.

“I said to undress her, I didn’t give you permission to kiss her, did I?” She gave his hair another tug, causing him to let out a pornographic sounding moan.

“Naughty boy. Open.” He obeyed immediately, sticking out his tongue and looking up at her through his lashes. She let some drool slide off her tongue and onto his and he swallowed without hesitation.

“Now stop being a brat and take her clothes off like I fucking told you to. You can play with her when I say you can.”

“Shit, fuck, yeah okay.” Eddie felt like he died and went to heaven and even more so when his eyes wandered back to you. Your bare chest rising up and down with every breath you take, leaning back on your hands and stretching your legs out in front of you, you bend your knees slightly so he could see up your skirt. There was a little wet patch on your red lace thong and he wanted nothing more than to just bury his face there. You could see the look in his eyes shift then, the entire night he’s looked at you in awe but now he’s looking at you like he wants to destroy you and you want nothing more.

He leans forward, not taking his eyes off yours and starts unbuckling the belts layered on top of your skirt. He’s doing it slowly, like he’s playing with you already despite Chloe’s protests. When the final belt comes off he pulls down the zipper on your skirt before taking it off entirely, leaving you in just your thong.

“God damn baby, look at you.” He smirked at you, running his hands down your calves, the touch sending electric shockwaves up your legs and straight to your pussy. He brought his hands all the way up your legs before looping his fingers in the band of your underwear and pulling them down your ankles.

“Fuck. Look at that pretty pussy, I can see how wet you are from here.”

You couldn’t take it anymore. “Your turn, lean back.”

He assumes your previous position, legs outstretched, weight supported on the palms of his hands as he leans back. You don’t waste any time leaning forward and undoing his belt before hastily undoing his pants and pulling them down his legs. You could see the outline of his cock in his boxers, leaving nothing to the imagination. Long and thick and so fucking hard, a little wet patch forming on the gray fabric. Your mouth watered at the sight. You ran your hands down his chest to his hips before pulling his boxers off. His dick bouncing out and landing on his stomach.

“Fuck. God.” You groaned. “I want you in my mouth so bad.” You looked over to Chloe with pleading eyes, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed completely naked, legs spread.

“You wanna suck him off baby? How about this, since you’ve been such a good obedient little girl for me tonight you can suck his dick while I eat your pussy. How’s that sound?”

“Yes. Please.” You whimpered, she knew exactly how that sounded to you, fucking amazing.

“Okay baby girl, get on the bed, hands and knees.”

You stood immediately, walking over to the bed and getting into the position she asked. You faced them with your back arched so your ass was in the air and stuck your tongue out. A little bit of drool dripping onto the bed. Like a toy, waiting and ready to be played with. Eddie was the first to approach you, cupping your face in his hand gently before grabbing your chin roughly between his pointer finger and thumb and squishing your lips together.

“Look at you, such a good girl, you just want us to treat you like a little fuck doll, huh?” Your eyes rolled back and you moaned, this is what you fucking wanted.

“Yes, please please.” You weren’t above begging at this point. The tension has been building since you saw him on stage and you can’t take much more of them not touching you in some capacity.

“No need to beg doll, I’m gonna give you exactly what you want.” He let go of your chin and held his palm out in front of your mouth. “Spit.”

You grab his hand in both of yours, looking him straight in the eyes as you lick across his palm before spitting on it. He groans, bringing his hand to his cock and stroking it a few times. You felt the bed dip behind you, familiar hands running along your ass before placing a rough smack there causing you to yelp. You looked over your shoulder to see your girlfriend sucking her fingers into her mouth. Her tits on full display, big and full with the prettiest pink nipples you loved to suck.

She brought the fingers in her mouth to your dripping folds, running them up and down your slit. You sighed in relief at the feeling of finally being touched. She inserted two fingers deep into you while making eye contact with you in that way she did that made you feel like you were going to melt. You felt a large hand grab onto your hair, pulling it to turn your head. Eddie was looking down at you with equal intensity, still lazily stroking his cock.

“Eyes on me baby. Stick your tongue out.”

You stuck your tongue out and he slapped his cock against it a few times, but it wasn’t enough, you were tired of the teasing so you took matters into your own hands and wrapped your lips around his head. You swirl your tongue around it a few times before taking as much as him as you could down your throat.

“Holy fuck! O-oh my god, your mouth is so fucking good.” He grabbed onto your hair and tugged, looking down at you with hungry eyes as you began to bob your head up and down on his cock. Chloe continued to move her fingers in and out of you, bringing her thumb to your clit causing you to moan around Eddie.

She suddenly removed her fingers and you whined in protest but you didn’t have to feel the loss of her touch for long because suddenly her tongue was licking a stripe from your hole to your clit before circling it with her tongue and sucking it into her mouth. You pulled off Eddie’s cock to moan loudly at the feeling.

You looked back at her for a moment, she was on her back, one arm wrapped around your thigh, her other arm is out of sight but you can tell by the way it’s moving that she’s touching herself. Fucking god, they’re going to be the death of you.

You turned back to the naked metal head standing over you and looked up at him through your lashes. “Fuck my mouth Eddie, use me.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He mumbled before grabbing back onto your hair, shoving his cock all the way down your throat. He pulled back almost all the way then repeated the action before he started thrusting in and out of your mouth, using your throat just like you asked.

Chloe was still devouring you from behind, circling two fingers around your hole before inserting them, curling them and hitting that perfect spongy spot inside you. Between that and the way Eddie was looking at you while he abused your throat you felt yourself getting close already.

“You gonna cum already baby?” She mumbled against your pussy. “I can feel you tightening around my fingers.”

“You’re already gonna cum? You like us using you like this huh? Getting your pussy eaten while I abuse this little throat of yours.” Eddie started thrusting faster and Chloe sucked harder on your clit and that’s all it took. His words and the feeling of them all over you sent you over the edge. Rubbing back against Chloe’s mouth and moaning loudly around Eddie’s cock you felt white hot pleasure run through your entire body.

He releases his grip on your hair, letting his cock slip out of your mouth while Chloe kisses up your spine before flipping you over onto your back, straddling you and kissing you roughly. She tasted like you, the cinnamon gum she always chews, and you could slightly taste the strawberry chapstick she put on earlier that night. It was intoxicating. She lifted one of your legs and sat between them so she could rub her pussy against yours. She started slowly grinding on you but quickly picked up the pace, humping against you hard and fast. Both of your tits bounced with each thrust and you reached up to grab onto hers, squeezing her nipples between your fingers. The room was filled with the sound of your moans and the slick noises of you rubbing against each other.

“God damn, you guys are so fucking sexy.” You tilt your head to look over at Eddie, he’s standing there naked and tattooed, his dick hard and throbbing while he strokes it.

“Get over here pretty boy, come fuck our girl while I sit on her face” our girl, you liked the sound of that.

She rolled off of you and pulled your head into her naked lap, reaching down to take both your tits in her hands before roughly pinching your nipples.

Eddie came over and got on the bed between your legs, looking down at you like prey. “I’m going to fucking destroy this pussy princess.”

He leaned down and kissed you rough and hard before sitting up and grabbing his cock to position it at your entrance. The stretch of him pushing inside you was delicious, he thrust in and out a few times before pushing himself all the way in, his hips against yours and his balls touching your ass.

“God damn you are so fucking tight.” He started fucking into you hard and fast, unable to pace himself. “You feel s-so fucking good, being such a good girl for us.”

Chloe positions herself so her legs are on either side of your head and her pussy is directly above your mouth and you take the hint right away. Grabbing onto her thighs to pull her to your mouth and licking a stripe up her pussy before shoving your tongue inside her, fucking her with it.

“Mmm fuck baby, your mouth always feels so good.” She moaned as you wrapped your lips around her clit. Leaning forward she resumed playing with your boobs, tweaking and pinching your nipples, landing a slap on them here in there causing you to yelp and moan into her each time. She started riding your face, and you let her decide the pace, just holding onto her thighs while you let her use your tongue.

Eddie brought his thumb to your clit and started rubbing circles on it while he continued to pound into you, letting out moans that you wanted to record and listen to over and over again like your favorite song. You felt him lean forward and you couldn’t see but you could hear them making out above you. Chloe’s pace picked up and so did Eddie’s. The circles on your clit got faster and you could hear them moaning against each other's mouths. You were close. So so close.

“Oh god baby, I’m gonna need you to come soon because I’m not going to last much longer between how tight you’re squeezing me and the view I’m looking at I’m going to fucking explode any second.” He grabbed your legs and held onto them by your thighs so he could change his rhythm and hit the exact right spot that had you seeing stars. You writhed underneath them both, moaning and meeting Eddie’s thrusts best you could with your limited movement. Seconds later you felt him spilling inside of you just as Chloe’s movements in your tongue increased in speed. You leaned up slightly to wrap your lips around her clit, sending her over the edge. She moaned loudly, throwing her head back, as she continued to rub against your mouth while she rode out her high.

Eddie was completely fucked out, he pulled out of you and watched his cum drip out of your pussy down your ass and when he looked up he felt like he was about to get hard again already. Chloe was riding your face, her head thrown back, hand in her hair, skin flushed. She looked absolutely mesmerizing.

Once she came down scooted off your face to come lay down beside you. “Fuck. That was so hot.” She was panting as she wrapped her arm around your shoulders and placed a kiss on your cheek. “You are such a good girl.”

Eddie came and laid on the opposite side of you and wrapped his arm around your waist nuzzling his face into your neck. “The best girl.” He said.

You sighed in content and giggled at the praise.

“Happy Birthday, sweet girl.” Chloe leaned over and kissed you softly.

Eddie sat up abruptly next to you. “WHAT!? It’s your birthday!? Why didn’t you tell me!? We could’ve done something to celebrate!”

You looked over at the clock, it read 2:37AM “I mean it’s not my birthday anymore, and I’m pretty sure we just celebrated, several times.” You laughed.

“Okay technically we kinda celebrated. But you know that’s not what I meant, I meant actual birthday stuff. Like cake and singing happy birthday and all that. You deserve that.” He pouted.

“Eddie! It’s fine, this is all I wanted. Chloe surprised me with this trip and this is more than I could’ve ever asked for on my birthday.” You smiled at him and ran a reassuring hand down his arm. “Plus you didn’t even know it was my birthday, how could you? Don’t feel bad silly.”

“Okay well still!! I want to do something for you. This is the last stop on tour and we are playing two more shows here in town. Let me take you to dinner tomorrow.” He put his hand over yours, smiling hopefully at you.

“Eddie… I- We-“ you struggled to find what to say.

“Eddie, baby, we would love that. But, we spent all of our cash on this trip and we only have money for gas and food on the way home. We weren’t even going to stay tonight since we couldn’t afford a hotel and you so graciously let us stay here. But we really can’t afford to stay here another night. I’m sorry.” Chloe spoke up for you, not in a controlling way, she just knows sometimes you have a hard time telling people no. Especially when you don’t want to.

“No, I mean stay here with me in my hotel. We can do whatever you want tomorrow, and then I’ll take you out to a nice fancy dinner.” Fuck, did he really want that? It honestly sounded amazing, but you didn’t even have extra clothes. There was no way you were going to go to a nice dinner with a newly famous rockstar in the clothes you wore all night.

“Eddie I’d really love that, and it’s so sweet that you want to do that for me but we don’t have extra clothes, and I’d feel bad just imposing on your space and having you spend your money on us.” It hurts you to say no to him, you can see his face fall a bit before it lights back up in a smile.

“Sweetheart, listen… I have so much money now I don’t know what to do with it. I’ll take you guys shopping, you can get clothes for the next few days and something pretty to wear to dinner. Pleeeeease??” He sticks his lip out and puts his hands together like a kid on Halloween begging for one more piece of candy.

“That sounds fucking amazing honestly, I’m in. Let him do this for you baby, he wants to and you deserve it.” Chloe looked over at you both with a Cheshire Cat smile before placing a kiss on your forehead. “I know it’s hard for you to let people do things for you, but if you can’t do it for you, do it for me? Because I really fucking want the rockstar Eddie treatment for a day.”

She wasn’t wrong, he’s practically begging to spoil you, it wouldn’t hurt to let him, would it?

“Fuck it. Okay. You can take us shopping and to dinner but I’m going to suck your dick so good and fuck your brains out after. As a thank you.”

His dick twitched at the thought. “Fuck princess, you can’t talk like that you’re going fo get me going again.”

“Who said I wasn’t trying to do exactly that?” You bit your lip and moved your hand to palm his now semi hard cock.

“Yeah? You wanna go again?” He looked like he just won the lottery.

“Hell yeah we do pretty boy, I specifically remember you saying something about ‘fucking us all night long’” Chloe was climbing over you, straddling your lap as she reached out to grab Eddie’s throat. “Did you not?”

“Fuck yeah I did.” He grabbed her face and pulled her into a rough kiss.

Yeah, this was definitely the best birthday of your life, the best day of your life in general honestly and tomorrow was probably going to be even better.

Tagging the bbs who seemed like they wanted to read this: @eddiemunson95 @rip-quizilla @the-unforgivenn 🤭🖤

[murdrdocs]

girl with the tattoo | e.munson

description. eddie pays for your first tattoo without knowing what it is you’re getting. when you finally show him, he practically flips his shit.

includes. SMUT 16+, dom! eddie, sub!reader, slightly meandom!eddie, doggy style sex, cum play (it’s nasty tbh), handcuffs, degradation, praise, pet names, ass slapping, sweet boyfriend eddie,the whole nine yards it seems, unprotected sex, creampie, fem!reader, AFAB!reader, very brief rimming

a/n. eventually i will stop naming fics after songs but no time soon. this has been sitting unfinished in my docs for so long that i just had to suck it up and finish it so. here we are :D also longest fic i’ve written in a while

word count. 3.6k+ words

Eddie was not known for his patience.

In all of your years of knowing him, you had never seen him display any act of patience. He liked for things to happen immediately, almost as if he only knew what patience is but not how to possess it. Sometimes, just to mock him you would tell him that “patience is a virtue”, only for him to say, “Yeah, whatever that means”.

Knowing about Eddie's impatient personality, you knew that it was going to be hell to keep your new tattoo a surprise. He obviously knew you were getting it, as he was the one funding the new piece. But when you told him that he couldn’t accompany you to the appointment, you swore that he was going to go into cardiac arrest.

He had a mini meltdown, but you managed to calm him. Only for a few hours though as he quickly began to realize that when you said he couldn’t see it, you meant he couldn’t see it until it was healed.

What followed was 2 and a half weeks of Eddie only being allowed to see small fractions of your skin, and using his critical thinking skills to eliminate the places where your tattoo could be, narrowing it down to your upper thigh, ass or boobs.

All the while, you promised him it would be worth it. And while at first he didn’t believe you, now, he truly does.

Because there you are, sitting on his bed with your legs folded under you, wearing a pretty underwear set and looking like the most delicate thing he’s ever seen.

“Do you wanna see it?” You ask, voice light and just a little bit shaky as if you’re nervous.

Eddie was so distracted by just how beautiful you looked that he forgot that you were here for a reason. He’s this close to asking what exactly the ‘it’ is, but then his brain restarts and he comes back to himself, nodding his head so hard he has to stop before it begins to hurt.

You take a deep breath, chest rising and putting your cleavage even more on display. Finally gathering the courage, you shuffle around until your back is facing Eddie. Your head turns, shoulder coming to your chin as you peek back to glance at Eddie.

His dark eyes work to find the tattoo, scanning every crevice of your back from top to bottom until there, he finds it.

Sitting in the middle of your back, directly above your mesh pink panties, is a black butterfly etched into your skin. On either side is some impressive, symmetrical line work, enhancing the focus of the design which is the insect.

Eddie doesn’t respond for a while, and if it weren’t for his heavy breathing and occasional blinking, you would think that he was unconscious.

“Do you like it?” You eventually ask, beginning to shrink in on yourself in fear that you made a permanent mistake.

“Like it?” Eddie repeats, beginning to approach you. “Baby, I love it.”

He reaches a hand out, the right one, and sprawls his fingers out over the tattoo. You flinch at the cold metal of his rings and Eddie chuckles, mumbling out a halfhearted “sorry” before he singles out his pointer fingers and trails it over the linework.

“Really?” You ask, voice light and hopeful. “I was really nervous your guy would fuck it up.”

Eddie’s finger is now in the middle of your back, at the pointed end of the heart and close to the line of your panties. “Adonis never fucks up tattoos. Dude’s got a touch for these sorts of things.”

He takes his finger away and for a brief second, you miss his touch. But you don’t have to miss it for long because then Eddie’s hands grip your waist, his thumbs rubbing soft circles into your skin as you turn your head back around to stare at the wall in front of you.

Eddie begins asking you questions about your tattoo; if it hurt during the process, how long did it take. He insists that he should’ve been there to hold your hand and crack jokes, but you reassured him that you had a friend to rely on.

Eventually, you have to reorient him by simply speaking his name.

“Hm?” He hums, thumbs still rubbing your skin.

You sigh, turning your head and glancing over your shoulder. Eddie instantly meets your eye, like a compass to the north.

“You sure it doesn’t look bad? I didn’t make a mistake, right?”

Eddie’s face softens completely. “A mistake? Baby, this is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. You were already so fucking hot but with this tattoo? Whew!” Eddie is back to being theatrical, hands leaving your back to dramatically fan his face.

You giggle, taking the moment to turn your body around completely, shuffling in a semicircle using your knees.

Eddie calms down, his gaze getting that look to it as he tilts his head down. His hand reaches out to find yours, gently tugging it forward.

“Just feel what it does to me. Feel what you do to me.” He brings your hand to his crotch, letting you palm him through his skinny jeans. You can feel the growing bulge against your hand, the familiar feeling igniting that urge within you, sinking all the way down to your belly.

“Eddie.” You whisper, watching Eddie’s tongue dart out to lick his lips.

“It’s healed, right?” He asks. You nod softly and the movement is halted a little too soon when Eddie lunges forward to push his lips against yours.

You welcome his kiss, both of your hands reaching up to cup Eddie’s face. His hands wrap around your wrist, and then he’s pulling them off of his face and guiding them behind your back, one wrist over the other.

When he pulls his hands away, yours stay obediently in their position. You feel Eddie’s smirk against your lips and it acts as a form of nonverbal praise.

Eddie pulls his lips away from yours and you have to restrain yourself from chasing them. He doesn’t stray far and when he speaks you can feel his lips move against yours.

“Wanna fuck you while I look at that pretty tattoo. Will you let me do that?”

It takes you a second to realize that Eddie is asking to fuck you from the back, doggystyle. But when your brain is able to come to that realization, you nod so hard that your nose knocks into Eddie’s and your forehead bumps into his.

He smiles, big and wide, and steadies your head by gripping your cheeks, pushing them together and gazing lovingly at the sight. You attempt to smile and Eddie breaks out into a laugh, squishing and un-squishing your cheeks for the better half of a minute.

Eventually, you ask, “Are you gonna fuck me or not?” But your cheeks make the words come out as jumbled syllables and Eddie asks you to repeat it a few times, until he understands with a loud “Oh!”.

“Of course.” He chirps, pressing his lips to your squished ones before he drops his hands completely and instead uses them to maneuver you in the position he desires: your face pressed down into the sheets and your ass in the air.

Eddie marvels at the sight, wolf whistling at you for a moment. Your hands are still held obediently behind your back and by moving your shoulders, you bring Eddie’s attention to them.

“Just a few more,” He mumbles, trailing off as you hear him move away. You see him from the corner of your eye grabbing his pair of handcuffs. They’re a different pair from the silver ones he had before, these with black fur on the insides and a bit of cushion so they’re comfortable for you.

When he comes back around, his hands peel your panties off and you lift one knee at a time to let him slip them off. Then, his hands pull you up by your hips and his chest presses against your back as his arms encircle you, pulling yours from behind your back with the movement.

You watch as he directs you to position your wrists side by side against your stomach, and then wraps the opened cuffs around each one and closes them with a few clicks.

He kisses your shoulder, then your cheek, and mumbles something about not wanting to obstruct the view before he’s gently pushing your upper half back down and resuming his position behind you.

You wait in anticipation, taking in the sound of Eddie’s belt buckle, then the sound of his jackets hitting the ground, then the slide of his zipper and thudding of more denim hitting the ground.

Then, finally, you feel the bed dip behind you and you tense up, waiting while Eddie spreads your cheeks.

But you’re instantly relaxed when you feel Eddie’s tongue around your asshole, running around the puckered entrance in a circle.

The moan you let out is choked, shocked at first and then silky smooth once you get used to the feeling.

“Eddie, I–” All words are lost on your tongue at the foreign feeling.

“I know, sweetheart.” He pulls away for a second to tell you, then circling your hole twice more before pulling away completely. “Some other time.” He mumbles and you feel saddened for a second, but then Eddie is pushing his finger into your other hole, the one you’re used to, and you're moaning again, hips pushing back towards him.

Eddie hisses, the sound having a hint of shock and amusement to it. “Already so wet,” He muses. “Barely have to do any work.” Yet, he still pushes another finger into you, your cunt welcoming the added digit easily.

You don’t realize that you’re pushing yourself back, fucking yourself on Eddie’s fingers. But he does, stalling his hand and staring down at your ass moving forward and back with wide eyes. “So eager,” He comments, making you aware of your movements.

“Sorry.” You mumble, turning your head from having its cheeks to the sheets to instead force your entire face down into them, embarrassment taking over your entire body briefly as you scrunch your face up. It wasn’t your fault that you were left to your own devices for almost three weeks.

Although, it technically was your fault.

“‘S okay, baby. If it makes you feel any better, I’m eager to get into this tight little pussy.” You can hear the smile in his words and a giddy feeling fills up your body, starting from your pelvis and spreading to your chest where it's like little butterflies are flying.

You don’t have anytime to respond because then Eddie is asking you if he should use a condom or not. You hesitate, thinking over it and repositioning your cheek onto the covers.

Eddie gives you time to think, one of his large palms spreading over one of your ass cheeks, his fingers working to knead the flesh.

Eventually, you settle on a decision. “No condom,” You declare, eyes bright even though Eddie couldn’t see them.

“M’kay.” He says, a smile evident in his words, his palm disconnecting with your skin only to come back down onto it harshly, the rings on his fingers digging into your skin.

You flinch, mumbling a small “ow” into the sheets, to which Eddie gives a halfhearted ‘sorry’ in response to.

There’s some shuffling behind you. Eddie’s hands come to your hips and he manhandles you into the perfect position, pulling you back until your feet are hanging off the bed. He shifts his hips forward, his hands holding onto your hips tight, until his tip is right against your entrance.

You hold your breath, accidentally tensing before you force yourself to relax. Eddie rewards you by pushing in, slow and steady, allowing you room to adjust and get comfortable. He stops when he’s halfway through, and you’re the one to egg him on, pushing your hips backward until he gets the memo enough to bottom out.

Eddie wastes no time.

He pistons into you with a steady, moderate pace, not too fast nor slow. Yet, slower than you anticipated, but you’d welcome anything Eddie chooses to give you. And you tell him that with little, breathy gasps, turning your head to make sure none of them are muffled and are able to be heard by Eddie.

“There you go, pretty girl,” He says. You wonder if he’s speaking with the intended outcome of you hearing or not, because the words are so soft that the subtle squelch of your cunt sucking Eddie in, and letting him out, is louder.

Still, you let a little moan out in response, eyebrows pushing together as you attempt to hold yourself back from asking Eddie for more.

But eventually, you give in to your own needs.

“More, please, Eddie.” Is all you say, simple and pleading. You can practically hear the gears in Eddie’s head turning, attempting to decide if he should give in to you or not, the little devil and angel on his shoulders no doubt bickering amongst each other.

He ends up listening to the angel (which is you in pure white, but Eddie would never admit that), hips speeding up just enough for him to pick up the pace, but also with enough slow precision for him to bury himself deep in you, cock angled almost perfectly.

You help him out, babbling mumbles of ‘thank you’ while you tilt and turn your hips until Eddie’s cock hits that spot that you didn’t even know you were looking for.

The moan you let out is loud and chesty, coming from that same place where butterflies previously erupted.

“Right there?” Eddie asks, delivering repeated thrusts to that spot you’d angled him to. You nod, the movement uncomfortable due to the position of your head.

“There.” You confirm, back arching and pushing your cunt further back towards Eddie.

You groan, eyes rolling back into your head as you press your chest further down into the sheets. Eddie’s in you deep, hitting the spot you instructed him to, over and over and over again.

You know that you’re as physically close to Eddie as you could get, but there’s something in your brain that’s telling you that you could get closer. Like a pied piper, you follow it.

You move your arms from against your chest to above your head, fingers curling around a pillow you can find. With a few inches of freed space, you fully press your chest against Eddie’s bed, tits squished against the sheets that were definitely not cleaned since the last time you were here.

Your mouth’s open, drool pooling out of the side between little moans you let out.

You can’t feel it, but there’s arousal dripping down your inner thighs, creating a pornographic trail, all leading to those same dirtied sheets. The sheets you’re currently making a mess of.

Hopefully, if things went your way, they would have an even bigger mess to them by the time Eddie was finished.

“Fuck,” Eddie groans from behind you, his fingers digging into your hips harshly. You whine and squirm, trying to get away from the bruising grip Eddie has on you.

But all of your squirming is gone when Eddie releases a hand onto your ass again, that sting replacing the one you felt before.

“Take it.” He grunts out, through clenched teeth from the sounds of it.

“‘M sorry,” You instantly say, body tensing as you do what Eddie tells you.

But then, as a direct contrast, that same hand he used to slap your ass rubs the burning flesh, soothing the slap.

“That’s okay, baby. Just a dumb little slut ‘f me. Can’t even control your own body. You can’t help it, can you?”

You’re shaking your head, immediately brushing over the words ‘dumb’ and ‘slut’ and only focusing on how Eddie said ‘for me’. Because everything you did was for him.

You’d even laid down on a tattoo bed for over an hour, in pain, just to get a little tattoo that you were sure that Eddie would like even more than you did.

Which, you were obviously right about.

“Everything’s for you, Eddie.” You mumble, words slurred from how cock drunk you were.

Eddie coos from behind you, his thumb now running along your new tattoo.

“Even this little tattoo?” He asks, slowing his pace a little as he becomes distracted by your new ink.

“Especially the tattoo.”

And his pace is sped up again, faster and sloppier than before.

He’s losing accuracy, hitting around that spot more than he’s hitting it. But you couldn’t care less. Because Eddie’s cock is stretching and fucking you so well, and his little grunts and moans and babbles behind you are better than any shitty porno you’ve ever sat down and watch.

You’re dazed, head floaty in a way that’s similar to when you and Eddie pass a blunt back and forth in the back of his van. You don’t even notice that you’re close, not until your body starts to chase that feeling, hips grinding and circling in a coordinating way with Eddie’s thrusts that you didn’t even think you could achieve.

“You close, princess?” Eddie asks, voice a bit shaky due to his movements.

You hum affirmatively, pitch high in a way that would make you cringe if you currently cared.

One of Eddie’s hands pulls you flush against him, his patch of pubic hair brushing against your ass, and his other hand curls around your body to reach between your legs and bring two fingers to your clit.

All it takes is a few circles and then the arch in your back is inverting, thighs shaking as every muscle in your face scrunches up.

You cum hard, your fingers squeezing the edge of the pillow you’d grasped onto so hard that you can feel your fingernails against your palm.

Eddie helps you through your orgasm in a painful way, not daring to slow his fingers around your clit or his thrusts into your tight canal.

You’re practically sobbing at this point, sweet little cries of Eddie’s name falling from your lips.

When your thighs have stopped shaking and you’re giving into Eddie’s touch instead of moving away from it, Eddie’s thrusts become even sloppier.

“Can you cum again for me, sweetheart?” Your mind is telling you that you can’t, but your body is telling you the exact opposite, an aftershock of an orgasm already building in your lower abdomen.

You don’t respond. You don’t have to. Eddie can feel your walls fluttering around his cock like the wings of a butterfly.

His pointer and middle fingers speed up around your clit and you’re bracing yourself at this point, muscles tensing and relaxing repeatedly until you trigger your own orgasm.

It’s not as big as the one before, but you’re not focusing on that. Instead, you’re focusing on the way Eddie is losing himself behind you, both of his hands back at your hips, his own hips slapping into yours in fast thrusts until you feel his cock twitch and then the hot spurts of his cum.

You both moan in harmony, the mutual feeling of Eddie’s release inside of you taking over both of you.

His hips push against yours in short, staccato thrusts, making sure all of his cum is inside of you before he pulls out.

Silently, Eddie watches the way you clench around nothing, thereby forcing his cum out of your hole for it to drizzle down onto your cunt.

“Shit,” He curses, the same two fingers he had on your clit dragging along your cunt, gathering his cum along the digits.

Then, you feel nothing until Eddie’s still warm cum drips onto your lower back, right over your tattoo.

“Eddie,” You start, head turning and upper half lifting off of the bed.

“Shh.” Eddie says, splaying a hand flat between your shoulder blades and pushing you back against the bed with a thud. “Just a little healing ointment for you.”

It’s disgusting, so absolutely disgusting, but you can’t help but enjoy the way Eddie rubs his cum into your skin like moisturizer. You sit still while Eddie works to massage your skin, spreading his cum along your lower back and over your sore ass cheeks.

Then, once he’s finished, he kisses in the middle of your back and steps back completely. But not before placing his hands along your waist and pulling your upper half up from the bed.

You roll over onto your back, bringing your hands down to rest against your stomach again while you stare at the ceiling.

“You’re disgusting, you know that?” You say to Eddie, letting your eyes look at him from over your nose.

Eddie hums, starting to head out of his bedroom door. He stops when he’s almost across the threshold, turning to look over his shoulder to say, “You’re the one who lets me be”. Which, you can’t argue there.

You lay back on Eddie’s bed in silence with his cum sticking along your skin and drizzling out of your cunt.

You’re mostly out of it while Eddie cleans you up, a warm cloth gently running along your pussy, calloused hands maneuvering you enough to clean up your ass and back. He kisses along your skin as he works, making sure to kiss along your wrists when he unlocks the handcuffs, and along your face and neck as he slips one of his shirts over your body.

You come to enough to take a few hits from a blunt that Eddie lights, telling him that you’re fine and that he wasn’t too rough between puffs.

But when he excuses himself to go in the kitchen and make Kraft mac and cheese, you’re already knocked out, eyes closed and body lax on the disgusting, grimy bed sheets.

[minthex]

Ice Lolly

tw- smut, friends to lovers, perv!eddie, oral (m receiving) mention, piss kink mention, voyeurism, masturbation, dirty underwear kink/sniffing, corruption kink, cum, nipple play, cheerleader fetish?, implied sub!eddie

minors do not interact/18+ fic

a/n- this is my first ever fic! been reading them for so long now it finally felt time to actually start writing them :) hope its good!!

It had been an ice lolly that set him off that night. You’d invited him over to your house, your parents out of town for the week and not wanting to spend the balmy summer evening alone. It was an entirely innocent invitation; you’d been his best friend for a year or two now, after you’d sat at Hellfire’s lunch table on a dare from the cheer team. It turns out that the cheerleader Eddie had always admired from afar wasn’t just a pretty face, but also exceptionally kind, loving and- most surprising of all- a nerd. He (alongside the other Hellfire boys) had taken to you instantly, discreetly adopting you into Hellfire and giving you a space to finally be yourself. You had to keep up appearances though, never sitting with them at lunch or speaking to them in the hall. Cheerleading was your best route to college and visibly joining Hellfire was a sure fire way to kill all hopes. So Eddie kept your friendship underwraps, spending countless nights with you lounging in his trailer and tumbling into your bedroom through the now permanently open window.

But the only thing he truly, well and truly kept to himself was his ever growing love for you. Before he had always harboured a small crush, not able to forget the pretty cheerleader who never called him a freak,  His small crush grew in tandem with his friendship with you. It wasn’t long before he was completely in love, following you like a puppy dog and bending to your every whim. He treated you like a princess; he even let you sit on his throne during Hellfire and play ABBA in his van on drives home. Eddie was entirely enamoured by every aspect of you. And with this love came the inevitable; the completely and utterly consuming desire to fuck you senseless. 

Now Eddie wasn’t exactly Hugh Heffener, but he wasn’t a total virgin; there was usually at least one semi-drunk person at The Hideout who had fucking a guitarist on their bucketlist. Still, he felt like a teenager looking through his first dirty magazine when it came to you. First, he blamed the cheerleader uniform. The teeny tiny skirt, far too tight vest and perfect ponytail just begging to be ruined? It was like it was designed to make him nuts. The way the skirt flipped and bounced as you moved made it impossible for him to look anywhere but your ass, sometimes even able to catch a quick flash of your pants. He’d started driving you anywhere you needed, after realising that potholes and driving like a bat fresh out of hell made your tits bounce just right in the almost skin tight vest. The damn uniform had even made its way into his dreams; there had been countless nights that he’d woken up with an almost painful boner from dreaming of your ass bouncing on his cock in that pretty little skirt.  

Then it was the v-neck t-shirt you wore to Hellfire one week. It was deep enough he could see the tops of a lace cami poking out. It framed your breasts perfectly, so perfectly he wanted to take a photo and frame it. This alone would’ve been enough, but what really pushed him over the edge was the damn necklace. It was a small and dainty, some sort of flower he didn’t know the name of, and it sat low on your chest. So low that it slotted between your tits perfectly. So perfectly in fact, that he found himself wishing it was his cock slotting between your tits instead. The last thing Eddie thought would happen today was him wishing your damn necklace was his cock, but here he was, desperately wishing it was your tits wrapped around his cock instead of his hand under the table. 

After that it was the time you wore his Hellfire shirt to bed. Sure he saw you in a Hellfire shirt every week, but his Hellfire shirt? A whole different story. He hadn’t slept a wink that night, kept up by thoughts of pounding into you from behind while you wore his shirt, making you watch in the mirror how you fell apart on his cock. It didn’t help that halfway through the night you ended up with your back pressed against him, ass pressing directly into his cock. You even kept squirming, and if Eddie didn’t know any better he’d think you were doing it deliberately. He could barely stop himself from slipping his cock in between your legs and fucking you so thoroughly that you woke up cumming. 

Then there was the time you asked him to rub sunscreen into your back while you relaxed at Lovers Lake, desperately wishing it was his cum he was massaging into the small of your back. Then one day you were so pissed off by your judgemental, shallow cheerleader friends that you stole a smoke from his pack, alternating between swigging your beer and taking a drag while you went off on a expletive filled rant about your so called friends; this was the day Eddie discovered his corruption kink. Then there was the time you nearly pissed yourself on a pothole ridden drive back to his trailer, helpless and panicked look far too adorable for your own good. Then there was the time he sneaked into your cheerleading practice and found out exactly how flexible you were. Then…. Honestly the list goes on and on. Even the heaving of your breasts when you breathed was enough to rile Eddie up at this point. 

But tonight? Tonight was an ice lolly. You’d been lounging on your bed together, fan running and half naked in a desperate attempt to keep cool. Nothing was working; it felt like the devil had made herself at home in Hawkins and dosed the whole town in actual hellfire. So here you lay, some B movie playing on the tv and damp towels in front of all the fans you could find. 

“It’s too fucking hot,” you whined, dropping your head onto his chest with a huff. He chuckled, running his hand through your hair.

“There’s not exactly anything I can do about that princess.”

Your groan is muffled by his chest. 

“I’m dying here, Eds. I’m a puddle formerly known as y/n,” you turned onto your back, flinging your arm above your head dramatically, “I’m melting, I’m melting!”

Eddie, having narrowly missed being hit in the face by your arm, scoffed and pulled you closer into his side.

“Where’s this Dorothy that's throwing water over you? Get back evil girl, get back!” He tucked you into his side, other arm flapping around wildly trying to fight off the ghost. You giggled, hiding your head in his arm. 

“Dorothy wouldn’t need the water if she was here, the witch would just disintegrate from pure hotness. It’s like being in fucking Mordor.”

Eddie gawked, 

“She’s pretty and she can make Lord of the Rings references? I think you’re the source of this heat princess.”

You scoff, hitting his chest lighty. The blush overtaking your cheeks doesn’t escape his notice. 

“Oh!!” Your sudden exclamation made him jump. You bolted up and down the stairs, leaving a very confused Eddie in your wake. He didn’t even know you could move that quick. You returned to your room as quickly as you left, holding something behind your back. Bouncing back over to him, you landed on his lap and straddled him. 

“Strawberry or cherry?” You beamed at him, ice lollies practically shoved in his face.

“Strawberry,” he plucked it from your hand, mirroring your electric smile with a laugh. You flopped down on the bed, legs still draped over him and head now turned towards the tv. The content, comfortable silence settled between the two of you again as you ate. 

That was when he made a mistake; he looked over at you. He really hadn’t meant to keep staring. He really hadn’t. But there you were, hollowing out your cheeks to suck on the lolly, tongue licking the iced treat far too sensually. The whole ice lolly disappeared into your mouth, undoubtedly hitting the back of your throat. He was barely able to suppress a groan. What he wouldn’t give for that to be his cock, to have you licking and sucking like it was your last meal. 

“You alright, Eds?” The innocent look on your face made him run hot with arousal and embarrassment. Maybe he hadn’t been able to silence himself so well after all.

“Nothing sweets, nothing. I’m gunna to the bathroom real quick,” with a quick kiss to the forehead and passing his ice lolly to you for safe keeping, he was up and headed into the ensuite bathroom. He shut the door, looking down with a groan. The tent in his boxers was entirely unmistakeable. Eddie could only pray you hadn’t seen it, but honestly it wasn’t likely. His hand slipped into his boxers, pulling out his weeping cock and pumping it slowly. He’d lost track of the amount of times he’d gotten himself off in this bathroom. Moving further into the room, he went to settle in his usual spot when he saw them and stopped dead in his tracks. 

They were right there. Just sitting there. Right on top of your hamper. They were practically a huge neon sign, screaming ‘notice me! notice me!’ and dancing around in a gorilla costume. Eddie could barely breathe, eyes almost bulging out of his head. Your panties. Right in front of him, in all their baby-pink lacey glory. There was even an adorable little bow on the front, right above- oh my god. He could’ve busted right then and there. There was a small wet patch, clearly the only remaining part of a once larger wet spot. The glorious stain was so obvious Eddie couldn't help but think you’d positioned them just so to tease him. If he hadn't already had a raging hard on, this would’ve been all he needed. 

He couldn’t help himself. He grabbed them with his free hand, shoving them against his nose as he pumped his dick with a new found ferocity. The smell nearly sent him to heaven right then and there. Your scent filled his senses, driving him into an even more mind numbing sense of lust. His hand was particularly a blur, driven mad by your scent and the images of you that filled his head. If only it was your pussy grinding on his face, invading his every sense instead of your soiled panties. God he felt dirty, sat in his bestfriends bathroom with her underwear shoved in his face while she was just on the other side of the door. His very best friend, innocent little y/n….  He shoved his fist in his mouth, desperately trying to stifle his moans as he came in your panties. Milky cum leaked out the sides, thoroughly soaking them and ruining them beyond repair. He never lasted long when your panties were involved. 

It took him a minute to recover, but he was soon cleaning himself up and putting the ruined pants to one side. He fully intended on taking them home for future use but he didn’t exactly have anywhere to put them. Wearing only boxers has its drawbacks. Placing them on the side, he opened the door and went to fetch his lunchbox. 

“Oh thank god, I’m about to fucking piss myself,’ you bolted up the minute he opened the door, pushing past him and into the bathroom. He smiled, still in a post-orgasm haze, and flopping back down on the bed. The door shut behind you, leaving Eddie alone in the bedroom. His mind was still happily floating, relaxing on the bed completely at ease. Maybe he could get you to go to the pool later? Maybe he’d even get to see you in a little string bikini, or- oh fuck. He’d left the ruined panties in there, just lying on top of the hamper filled with his cum. There was no way in hell you wouldn’t see them. Panic rose up in Eddie, quickly assessing easiest ways out of the room. It’s blindingly obvious you’d never invite him back here again. Oh God, what if you told the rest of Hellfire? Maybe he could move….  Before he could plot an escape, the bathroom door opened.  

“I knew it.” Your smug voice shocked him out of his moving plans. His panicked eyes looked over to the bathroom door. The sight he was met with made them bulge out of his head. 

You stood leading against the doorway, a smirk plastered on your face and eyes twinkling. One arm was above your head and hand in your hair, hip jutting out to make you look like one of the girls in Eddie's well worn magazines. The shirt you had been wearing had disappeared, leaving you entirely topless. Completely and utterly topless. Eddie's eyes couldn’t break away from the sight of your naked breasts. You were mesmerising; he had to pinch his arm extremely hard to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. 

“You knew what?” His voice was surprisingly steady. Your smirk grew even wider, sauntering over to him. Eddie was frozen, feeling like a piece of prey watching a predator stalk them.

“That you’re a dirty perv,” you straddled him with ease, tangling your hands in his hair, “And that you want me.”

Your tits were dangerously close to his face, Eddie barely controlling his urges to run his tongue over your nipples and suck until he couldn’t breathe. He could already feel his cock hardening again. 

“Care to explain princess?”

“You’re not exactly subtle, Eds,” your giggle only making your tits bounce invitingly, “There’s only so many ways you can hide a boner. And you have this very specific expression you make.”

He could feel his face heating up. He buried his face in your neck with a groan, only making you giggle more. 

“How obvious is it?” his voice was barely audible from your neck.

“Only obvious to me, baby. I don’t think any of the guys notice how flustered you get just from me wearing a low cut top or sleeping in your Hellfire shirt.”

Eddie raised his face at this, looking you in the eye with a slightly devilish smile. His hands start gliding over your body, pulling you even closer.

“Those are two very specific things there princess. Two extremely specific things in fact. Were you getting me riled up on purpose?” 

It was your turn to go slightly red with embarrassment. Your smirk remained however, rolling your hips ever so slightly. Eddie's hands gripped your hips.

“Wanted to see how long it would take for you to actually make a move,” you replied with a shrug, placing your hands over his, “I thought particularly grinding on you while wearing your shirt would do it, but apparently not. Instead you just kept staring and shoving my panties in your face.”

You moved his hands up, placing them on your tits. Eddie entirely short-circuited. 

“I like you too, by the way,” you whispered in his ear, lightly grinding your hips on his cock. You nipped at his neck with enough force to leave a small hickey. This snapped Eddie back to reality. He tangled one of his hands in your hair, pulling you into a searing kiss. He kissed you like you were his oxygen. Moans filled the room, hands roaming everywhere as you battled for dominance. Eddie’s free hand played with your nipple mercilessly, pinching and pulling until you mewled. You were the one to eventually pull away, panting and moaning as he moved his other hand to your neglected breast. 

“Very smug for perv,” he emphasised every word with a twist. With yet another moan you pulled him in for a kiss.

“You have no idea,” you whispered, moving his hand to your still clothed pussy. His breath hitched in his throat. 

You were wearing the cum-filled panties.

[beauregard-s]

Out of His League | Eddie Kaspbrak

Pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader (21+)

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: language, alcohol, fluff, protected sex!, oral (male receiving), slightly sub!Eddie? Kind of a comfort fic? Eddie going through a hard time

@buckybarton03 said: “ hey!! can i request adult eddie x reader she’s not in the losers club be he brings her with him to derry to meet everyone and he gets super jealous over how good richie & reader get along :)”

A/n: First, my infinite apologies because it took so so long! But here it is and I hope you like it <3

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“Richie, no!” At least three different voices shouted.

“Richie, yes!”

And, as he roared at the top of his lungs, Richie threw his head back and swallowed the third blow job shot in a roll as you grimaced at that in between your laugh. 

Yours and the whole table’s - Bill had snorted so hard he ended up spitting his drink. And, leaning against Eddie with his chin resting against your temple, you felt him chuckle. Not laugh. Chuckle.

Coming to Derry and meeting your boyfriend’s ride-or-die friends was scary in the beginning, sent you into a quiet anxiety spiral. You and Eddie met a year before and you never got the chance to personally get to know the famous Losers Club, the gang Eddie would always tell you about while nostalgically looking at the few childhood pictures he still had. You were not usually worried about what people would think about or if they’d like you, but when you found yourself flying over to Maine, you were pretty worried about your social skills. You just hoped you got along with them because if you didn’t you’d never forgive yourself.

You knew Eddie went through a lot during his life in that place and you also knew those six people were his real family, everything safe he had during those years of manipulation and abuse. If his friends didn’t like you, if something went wrong in any way... It’d break his heart. 

You were stepping on thin ice. Until you met them.

You understood Eddie’s awe and loyalty to them right away. They were welcoming, they were fun and indeed, all of them together felt like a big family that engulfed you in. You got along with each of them, even with Stan’s fiancée, Patty, but Richie was the one you clicked with immediately after he hugged you and asked you what bet did you lose to end up with Eddie.

And Eddie was in pure bliss through the week of your little vacation, happy all his favorite people were getting along so well, but you noticed something there. The way his mood slowly shrunk to the point he spent that whole Saturday quieter. You knew something was bothering him even if he was sitting so relaxed in the restaurant, his arm resting on your chair around your shoulders, smiling at Richie’s tommyrot. 

“Come on, y/n/n,” Richie coughed, choking due to the strong alcohol dose. “Drink a shot.”

“No way...” You shook your head immediately.

“Come on, y/n!” He whined. “Show us your skills!”

You lifted a brow at Richie’s devilish look, and Eddie exhaled a bit loudly by your side while Beverly went “beep beep Richie” mode in the background.

“The only one supposed to know my skills here is Eddie, Richie.”

There were a pair of whistles from across the table, maybe from Bill and Mike, and Richie raised his hands in rendition. 

“Hey, Haystack! You do it!”

You looked away from Richie now teasing Ben and pressuring the poor guy on drinking raw tequila shots, paying attention to Eddie. He was taking the last sip of his virgin peach cocktail - because he was the one driving and god forgive it if he drank before driving.

“You okay? Wanna another one?” 

He didn’t look at you, just shook his head.

“No, I’m good.”

“Really?”

That was your “I don’t believe in you, so I’m giving you a second chance to spill your tea” tone, and that made Eddie turn at you flashing a half-smile, thumb rubbing circles on your shoulder.

“Sure, babe.”

But of course he lied. He was, yes, dreary. So much he was silent through the whole way back to the hotel later and, when Bill and Stan wanted to stay outside for a while, enjoying the last hours they all had together before going to bed and flying back home in the morning, Eddie claimed he had a headache and a lot to pack and went straight upstairs the small hotel.

You knew his baggage was immaculate and ready by your bed. And he never had headaches.

His mother always claimed he was an ill boy, but, in fact, Eddie never got sick in any way, so it sent the red alert in your head and you followed him quietly through the way until you were safe and alone in your room.

“Eddie,” you cooed, locking the door behind you as he shrugged his jacket off, “are you telling me what’s wrong or…?”

He threw the garment over his suitcase in the corner, turning on his heels to face you.

“What? No, I’m okay! Really am.” He did it again, gave you that half-smile to try to mislead you away from the things he sometimes hid inside.

But you didn’t buy it. Leaned against the door, arms crossed in front of your chest. Locked eyes with him trying to find a gap, a minimal clue of what was going on, inevitably paying attention to his pink lips from your strawberry chapstick he’d borrow here and there.

“You are not.” 

Your unconscious pouting was enough to make him break.

It was sudden. How his shoulders dropped slightly and he sighed, rubbing his face in the frustration he knew well but he thought he had left behind.

“It’s just…” He muttered. “I’m jealous, you know?”

You pushed up from the door immediately, gaping slightly at his words but he was faster, raising a hand so you’d let him explain himself. 

“I’m not implying anything,” he smiled again, more truly this time, but sadder. “It’s just that…”

You perceived him struggling. He always struggled.

You remembered the day you met him. You were about to finish your internship in this huge company’s advertising department when you sat across this junior analyst guy during a meeting. Him. Eddie struggled all the time with his graphs, so nervous you could feel it from your seat. And when he looked up and saw you smiling at him, he froze for a second, growing ten times as nervous after that.

After he got to know who was the girl sitting in front of him at that table through two hours of pure boredness, it took him a whole month up the courage to ask you out. When he did, you smiled brightly and told him you were out at 6 pm next Friday. 

And he felt his anxiety lower, just like it did in that hotel room when he saw how worried you were.

“I’m…” he crinkled his nose because the words for what he was feeling would sound too ridiculous. “I’m just jealous, y/n.”

You frowned.

“Jealous?”

“Yes.”

“Of?...” You gave him the lead.

“You and Richie.”

Your gape grew. 

Eddie hummed frustratedly, miserably letting himself sink into the edge of the mattress. Its springs made this little sound that annoyed him because it implied how old that was and he wouldn’t stand thinking about the clean status of that thing.

“Eddie…” 

“No, I know nothing is going on, okay!” He said, looking at his feet. “I know there’s no real reason for feeling this way and that it’s just me being paranoid.”

“And do you wanna elaborate or…?” You encouraged him.

He wanted to because you were the one who managed to get him, to soothe him. But he didn’t know how to do it with proper words.

“You know what Richie’s about. All the stuff I told you, and the stuff you saw the last few days. He’s the funny and popular one. I love him, I really do, don’t get me wrong but it didn’t stop me from thinking he kinda overshadowed me through our high school years, through college.”

You nodded although he wasn’t looking at you at the moment. He was so troubled he didn’t see you stepping out of your boots and walking over to him, only noticing how close you were when your shadow covered him. 

“He always got more attention?” You said.

Eddie looked up, chuckling in embarrassment. “And the girls.”

You rolled your eyes and he groaned lowly in frustration. He held around your hips when you started running your fingers through his hair.

“You’re jealous because he keeps teasing me?”

“Yeah? Come on, you two look like you’ve been friends since ever,” his slightly more playful tone relaxed you. He was getting some relief by talking about it.

And indeed, you spent time with all the Losers but grew closer to Richie than the others for no special reasons. He’d pick on you, on Eddie. Would make great-horrible jokes and some great-great ones that got you laughing every time. It was simple affinity, but you could see where it stang on Eddie. 

So you dropped your hand to his face and tilted his chin up. He finally looked at you, resting against your ribs.

“You know there are no real reasons for that though, don’t you?” You said softly.

He pulled away and his eyes quickly glanced down over the tight blouse and the skirt hugging your hips. 

“To be honest, I do. You’re the hottest, smartest woman on earth and way out of his league…”

“Edward!” You slapped his shoulder softly.

But he was laughing, finally laughing. 

“You know it’s true and yeah, okay” he whispered, arms around your waist squeezing you tighter against him. “It’s just my fucking insecurity talking because I know you’re out of my league too.”

“I’m totally in your league…”

“Oh, tell me about it.”

Eddie was practical. Words didn’t have much effect on his uneasy mind, so you felt the need to show him what you meant and you did it by lowering down to settle on his lap.

You didn’t break your eyes from his nor even for a second while your arms embraced his neck.

“There’s no need for it all,” you pecked his lips once. “Because you’re the one I’m in love with.” You pecked him twice and the last one turned into a deep kiss.

You felt the strawberry chapstick flavor when you nip on his lips because you knew exactly what it did to him. How it made a low grunt raise from the deep of his throat and his hips buck up slightly. The same goes for his neck and how kissing down his adam’s apple makes him sigh.

“Y/n/n…” he breathes out.

“Shut up and let me take care of you,” you cut him off, your purred voice and hands pulling off his shirt making him surrender.

Pressing your chest on his made him fall back on the mattress and you laid on top. The way his cheeks were already flustered made you feel those renowned butterflies inside. That and his hands pulling your skirt up until it was rucked around your waist. Eddie still had a ghost of a grin on and you made it disappear under your hips grinding against his.

“No shit, babe…” he groaned alongside the little moan you let out, feeling his hardening cock rubbing against your clothed slit.

For each time you rolled your lips, still committed to the task of kissing his sweet spot, Eddie’s sounds escalated a tone. His fingers dig into your hips, pushing you down against him, whimpering you stopped and got off him. His lidded eyes watched you stripping, as his hand immediately went for his jeans, pushing them way so fast he got you chuckling. 

“Eager,” you teased. 

“This isn’t new,” he retorted, eyebrow raising slightly. 

But his attitude was washed away as soon as your skirt fell on the floor. Eddie wasn’t that much about lingerie, but you were wearing the laced set he gave you. 

That was an unfair game. And the way you kneeled on the floor in between his legs was the unfairest one.

He sat up when you mouthed his clothed length before tugging down the boxers, earning yourself a moan as soon as your lips brushed the sensitive tip. You smiled up at him, something between a cute and devious one that had him gasping for air even before you attached your lips to him, tasting his precum. 

An entire rope of curse came weakly from him, a hand of his going for your hair and pushing it back so he could see exactly what you were doing. You kept your eyes on his all the time, sucking him slowly, moaning and vibrating him. He was holding back, you felt he was, only brushing your hair when what he really wanted to do was wrap it around his hand and fuck your mouth. But he didn’t do that. 

You said you were the one taking care of him that night and he let you.

Let you wrap your lips around him and swirl your tongue, making him whine, twitch in need when you sucked bolder, pulling him out with a little ‘pop’. 

“Holy shit, y/n,” he panted.

“What, babe?” You pumped him through your pause. “Does it feel good?”

Eddie wasn’t able to stand up to the tease when you resumed blowing him. The way you dragged your tongue over the weak spot underneath his tip making his hips stutter and heat gather in there. 

You pulled away as soon as he started twitching harder, feeling your slickness in your underwear. You rose kissing the ‘v’ muscles of his hips, all the way up his chest while pulling his boxers down completely, straddling him again. 

Eddie immediately unclasped your bra and leaned into your chest, tracing the tip of his tongue around a nipple of yours before sucking it. His breath hitched when you cried out from that, doing it again and again, from a breast to the other, biting up your neck. 

“I wanna fuck you so much, love…” He looked at your heated face, swallowing dry to the words that slipped off. “Please…”

His little moment of weakness was enough for you to reach down and touch him again. “What do you want? Say it again.”

He panted under how soft you could sound even when you were making him beg like that, reaching down for his pants on the floor, shaking his wallet open with your free hand and grabbing a condom he had in it. Tearing it open with your teeth.

“I want to fuck you,” he whimpered at how you unrolled it on his cock and pumped him. “Please, babe…Oh, fuck!”

You had pulled your underwear aside, guiding him in.

“Do it then,” you tried to keep your voice steady.

And it wasn’t possible. 

Your demands turned into moans as he laid back, not even remembering about the noisy mattress. In fact, he liked the sound it made when you started to ride him. He liked how it joined your moans and his sharp breaths. 

And that beautiful pleasured face of yours on top of him…

He didn’t like it. He loved it. Kept watching you the whole time, how you bounced perfectly on him, feeling so wet. How you held onto his arms when he caressed your sides and cupped your breasts. You were both being loud, but who cared? He wanted to be loud as it was a way of showing who you belonged to at the end. And how he belonged to you, too.

He started to thrust up against you as soon and he felt the tightening sensation around him. You were close, so damn close feeling him hitting the soft spot inside you. Feeling him massaging your breasts like that, fucking so fast into you.

“Eddie…”

The way you came saying his name drove him straight through the edge with you. He gripped your waist tightly as he thrust sloppily through your high, the way you pulsed around him making him smirk. And, when you couldn’t stand anymore, Eddie pulled you down to lay down on him.

You gladly took the chance because you felt your whole body falling apart. Laid down on him and nuzzled into his neck, his chest wavering you up and down. His occasional pleasured humming here and there making you smile.

“Still jealous, honey?” 

If he had his eyes open, he’d have rolled them at your mocking tone. 

“Not that much,” he admitted.“I love you so much, y/n,” 

He whispered lazily, hand caressing the low of your back, a blissful smile on his lips you couldn’t see, but you could feel. 

The butterflied were there again.

“I know, and I love you too, Eddie.” You adjusted yourself slightly and he whined, still buried inside you. “Sorry,”

He chuckled. “Don’t be, just… Give me some time.”

“Yeah? Why?” You raised a brow. He chuckled.

“Because in round two I’ll be the one taking care of you.”

[asteraegis]

another fucking stupid ass smut

so like this one is fryeway too because, in case you were wondering why i write them more often, it’s really easy to write about two people that behave exactly the same way you do, which is why, as a lesbian, i am hoping for a female character like them some day so i can at least have more fun with writing erotica for the women from this series. so the tags on this one are mainly: mlm, Frotting, Rimming, Fisting, Praising, Slapping, Spitting, Spanking, Gagging, Choking, Biting, Sub/Dom, top!Jacob, bottom!Edward (obviously lmao). it does have a name as do the other smuts now, but this is tumblr so it doesnt really matter but if you’re interested it’s Lap Dog. find the other shit ive written via my deviantart page in my bio

“Let me in! C’mon, open the door!” Edward Kenway shouted, pounding on the door outside of the Fryes’ apartment. A surprise thunderstorm had caught him off guard on his way home and was currently drenching the poor man like a drowned gutter rat. “Jaysus, please open the damn door!”

              Edward heard a click as Jacob Frye unlocked his door. “Edward—"

              Kenway shoved past him, kicking his shoes off while Jacob closed the rain outside. “Thank god you were home, mate. I hate to ask, but can I stay here for the night?”

              Jacob blinked in confusion. “Uh, yeah, sure. Here, lemme get you a towel and something to wear.”

              “Anything but jeans, Jake, you know I won’t fit yours,” he called after the brunette, shivering in the living room.

              Jacob waved his hand in acknowledgement. “Yeah, yeah, you and your motherly hips. You best fit my sweatpants, Eddie, or else you’re wearing Evie’s bathrobe.”

“Gross, Jake.”

“Hey, she’s gone for the week, she’d never know.”

Jacob returned with the things he promised, handing them to his friend. Edward motioned for Jacob to turn around, which he did reluctantly. He then peeled off his soaking wet pants, boxer briefs, and shirt afore drying himself off with the towel from earlier and then pulled on Jacob's offered clothes. The t-shirt rested quite loose on Edward despite definitely being one Jacob stole from him; he must have taken it a while ago. The sweatpants, however, clung to Edward's damp thighs and rear more than he'd like, especially seeing as he had no underwear now. There were also several small tears in the pants, a trend among Frye's clothes. When Jacob turned around, he practically ate Edward alive with his eyes, glued to his trousers.

"Damn, my jeans really wouldn't have fit you, huh?" he laughed, Edward tugging at the fabric. "Ya know what, you can keep those. I think they look great on you, Eddie."

Edward grimaced, making Jacob laugh again, scooping up his sopping wet pile of clothes and tossing them in the dryer.

"You got a sewing kit or something? The holes on these pants are driving me mad, mate," the blonde asked from the other room, still tugging at the fabric to keep it from clinging to his skin.

"Yeah, Evie bought one a while back," Jacob knocked a few things on the shelf above him out of the way then grabbed a tiny plastic container, tossing it to him when he walked back into the den. "Here ya go, Ed."

"Thanks."

Edward sat on the couch, carefully trying not to stab himself in the leg with the needle while sewing up the old sweats. As he was finishing up the last hole, Jacob flopped down next to him holding a hefty mix of shirts and pants.

He shone Edward a puppy dog gaze. "Hey... while you're here and able to fix things... do you mind...?"

Edward scowled at him. "Really?"

"Please? I did manage to find you clothes to wear," he pleaded.

The corsair rolled his eyes, pulling the needle through and knotting the string to secure the last stitch. "Fine."

Jacob was beaming. "Ah, thanks, Eddie, you're the best!"

Edward sighed, stitching each item's tear while Jacob sprawled out with his head on Kenway's lap, scrolling through his phone.

After about ten minutes, Edward plopped the clothes onto Jacob's chest and huffed. "There, anything else you need me to do, you man-child?"

"Yeah, actually, can you make dinner please?" he replied, sitting up and setting the clothes on the coffee table.

"Are you shitting me, mate?"

"Pretty please? I'll clean the dishes afterwards."

Edward grumbled but nevertheless stood up. "Fine, but only because I'm hungry too and I know you can't cook for shit."

Jacob made a happy squeal then leapt to his feet, chanting praises behind Edward as he groggily shuffled into the kitchen. There, the blonde looked over the odd assortment of foods. The Frye twins lived like they were in a college dorm and could only make what could go in the microwave. He shook his head and opened the freezer, finding a frozen pizza haphazardly stuffed into the icebox. Edward took it out and shrugged, figuring it would do to satiate both of them, then turned on the oven.

Jacob sat at the table already, chatting up the weary-faced Edward while he put the pizza in to bake. He didn't listen to a word Jacob said, just stared at him with frustration while thinking that, even with how awful a cook Frye was, even he could follow the directions on how to bake a frozen meal. He was sure at this point Jacob was either just being lazy or genuinely had no idea what food was in his own home, though Edward assumed it was likely a mix of both predicaments.

When the timer buzzed, Edward pulled the pizza out of the oven onto a tray then cut it, feeling Jacob's wolfish gaze on the back of his neck. Knowing he wasn't going to bother getting his own food, Edward took Jacob a serving along with a plate of his own and sat across from him at the table.

"Thank you, Eddie, where would I be without you?" he said with a cheeky grin.

"Probably still out in the living room," Edward huffed.

“Yeah, and without me you’d still be outside.”

The two ate in relative silence, Edward scrolling through his phone to show Jacob he wasn't interested in any small talk. He finished before the brunette so he slid him his plate and kept looking at his screen. Jacob picked up the tableware and tray the pizza used to be on and scrubbed them down at the sink, setting them over a towel to dry on the counter, then returned to his seat at the table. Edward barely glanced at him so Jacob frowned, knowing Edward had caught on to his scheme of pretend incompetence.

"I finished the dishes; do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"It's still thundering, mate, power might blow."

"Okay... Do you want to—"

"No, not particularly, Jake."

Jacob squinted at Edward, seeing that yes, in fact, he was mad at him for making him do so much. He sighed, figuring he needed to show his friend he was truly thankful.

"So, Ed—"

"No."

Jacob kicked Edward under the table. "Ya know, even after being so nice earlier you still are an arsehole, Eddie."

"Yeah, I am, thanks," he replied, kicking Jacob back harder.

"I wasn't praising you," Jacob muttered, kicking him again.

Edward set his phone down and glared at him. "Kick me one more fucking time," Jacob sat still and the corsair nodded. "That's what I thought."

As soon as Edward picked his phone back up, Jacob smirked and kicked him in the knee.

"That's fucking it, mate!" Edward slapped his phone down then shoved himself away from the table.

Jacob hopped to his feet, excited that the pair were finally doing something. He backed into the living room as Edward charged at him, tackling Jacob to the ground and pinning his arms down under his knees. Edward then grabbed Jacob's throat with both hands, tucking his fingers deep under Frye's jaw.

"I fixed your goddamn clothes, I cooked you a fucking meal, and now what? You want me to entertain you?" Edward shouted at him.

Jacob coughed as he laughed, straining himself to choke back, "C-considering I gave you shel-shelter and clothes, yeah, Eddie, I-I do, and it seems I'm get-getting my way right now."

Edward groaned, removing his right hand from Jacob's neck and backhanding him. "Goddammit would you just shut the hell up, Jake?"

Jacob snickered under Edward, slowly turning his head back to face him. "D-damn, Ed, you h-hit hard."

Edward moved his hands to hold down Jacob's wrists, leaning into him so their faces were closer. "What the fuck is it gonna take to keep you quiet?!"

Jacob grunted as Edward pressed his thumbs into his wrists' centers and buried his nails in his forearms. "You could try slapping me again."

Edward shook his head. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"I would, actually—" As Jacob was replying with another snarky remark, Edward rolled his eyes and spit on his face. "Ew! What the fuck, Edward?!"

Kenway flashed a smug grin at him as he started kicking his legs and protesting. "Keep talking and I'm aiming for your mouth next time, mate."

The two glared at each other for a short minute, both breathing heavy with irritation. Jacob snarled then began writhing around, Edward having to shove harder at his wrists to keep Jacob planted to the floor. The brunette thrusted his hips upwards in an attempt to buck Edward off him, successfully throwing the lighter man off balance. Jacob slid out from under him and with haste clambered onto Edward's back to hold him down. With one hand he grabbed a fistful of blonde hair and with the other he wiped Edward's saliva off his cheek.

"Nasty cunt," Jacob growled, tugging Edward's head back to look up at him.

The blonde squirmed under him, trying to kick his way free. "Get off me, Jacob!"

"Well, I might have done that if you hadn't spat on me!" Jacob's eyes glinted with a fiendish plan. Edward instantly caught on and began wriggling more, but to no avail. With both of his hands clutching his face, Jacob held Edward still long enough to return the favor, spitting onto his nose. "See? How do you like it?"

Edward whined as his face was shoved against the carpet. "Okay, fine! I'm sorry I spat on you, but I think we're even now, mate! Please, get the hell off me!"

Jacob shook his head, petting his fingers through Edward's hair. "Tsk, tsk, I don't think so. I think you need to prove to me you're worth respecting again after that."

"What?! Jake, get off—"

Jacob wrenched Edward's head back, giving him mild whiplash and making the man whimper. "I recommend you stop struggling and that you keep quiet, my dear sailor," He stood up to move to the couch, pulling Edward along with him. Sitting on the loveseat now, he still held the blonde tightly by the hair in his right hand while his left rested on his thigh. Edward winced as he was jerked down to kneel in front of Jacob and gaze up at him. "Can I get a 'yes sir?'"

"Fuck yo—"

Jacob slapped Edward across the face with the back of his left hand, making Kenway yelp and bite his tongue. "Can I get a 'yes sir?'"

Edward swallowed hard, then flicked his eyes up at Jacob's. "Yes... sir..."

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

Edward huffed then spit the blood from his tongue bite onto the floor. "Yes. Sir."

Jacob smiled. "Good boy. Now wait here, I'm going to get you some gifts."

Edward grudgingly sat still, both out of curiosity in what stunt Jacob was about to pull and out of worry that if he decided to run off Jacob would do far worse to him once he caught up. He didn't have to wait long as Frye soon returned holding a black travel bag. He resumed to his seat in front of Edward, rustling his hair as he walked by.

"Thank you for waiting, Eddie, you’re so loyal," he leered, unzipping the bag. He pulled out a collar, a leather leash and harness, a pair of metal handcuffs, and a ball gag. "Turn around and undress yourself. Slowly."

Edward nervously eyed the items as he stood up and began disrobing. Jacob laid back on the sofa, his stare engraving itself into Edward's body. Kenway finally kicked off the sweat pants and placed the clothes on the coffee table. Jacob scooted to the edge of his seat and pulled Edward by the hips toward him, grabbing his wrists and handcuffing them behind his back. He then ordered for Edward to kneel down, which he hesitated in doing, resulting in Jacob yanking Edward's hair and repeating his demand in a brusquer tone. Once he had lowered, Jacob latched the collar around him and tightened it so it would rest around Edward's throat like a choker. He clipped the leash onto it. Next, he fastened the leather harness around Edward's chest.

“Open your mouth,” Jacob demanded. Edward pressed his lips firmer together, resulting in Frye smacking the side of his head, making Edward’s ears ring for a moment. “I said open your fucking mouth.”

Edward did this time; the ball gag being pulled into place in the pirate's jaws and fixed firmly in place, the ball resting over his tongue.

He chuckled with satisfaction. "There we are, now bend over my lap."

Edward turned towards Jacob and did so, Jacob's knees pressing uncomfortably into his ribcage.

"That's a good boy," Frye cooed, entwining his right hand's fingers around the leash so it was pulled taut. He slapped his left hand onto Edward's ass, causing him to yelp. “Aw, does it hurt when I smack you like this?”

Edward attempted to reply, but all he could muster was a weak moan past the gag.

Jacob snickered, spanking his friend again and receiving another cry in response. “I’m glad. Your little moans are cute.”

Edward whimpered as he smacked him again, his ears turning red at the sound of Jacob’s gruff laughter. He squeezed his ass in his palm, Edward’s skin turning pink where he had been hit. Jacob sat back against the couch, pulling Kenway up next to him by the leash. He shoved him down onto his back, pulling Edward’s legs up to swing over Jacob’s shoulders, much of Edward’s weight now pressing into the back of his neck.

The Englishman groped both of Edward’s thighs, situating himself in place with the privateer’s round ass at his chin. Jacob kissed down Edward’s inner thigh, stopping at the underside of his cheek and biting his flesh. His tongue trailed to his taint, licking down Edward in a circular motion. He kissed his rim, the blonde man squirming as the tongue slipped inside him. Drool dripped onto his chin and cheeks past the ball gag, his fingers curling into his palm as Jacob moved his thumb to massage Edward’s taint. He continued stroking his tongue about and inside Kenway, pressing his lips to him as well. Jacob pulled back from lapping at Edward, inserting his middle and index finger into him. Edward’s voice betrayed him, purring as the fingers slid up to Jacob’s knuckles. Jacob took note of this and grinned, sliding in his ring and pinky finger as well, getting a louder purr in reply. He tucked his thumb in, Edward’s moan far strident than the former, arching his back away from Jacob, his cock twitching while Frye gradually began to gently fist him. Jacob grabbed Edward’s harness with his free hand and laid friend across the couch, still prodding inside him. Edward whimpered in pain, his arms aching from the strain of laying on them and Jacob’s fist flexing inside him. Jacob’s free hand travelled up Edward’s chest, tracing over his stomach, rib cage, and toying with his nipple, pinching and pulling it. Edward groaned, his body tingling and toes curling.

Jacob leaned into Edward’s throat, letting his breath tease his skin. “Enjoying this, are you, my dear?” Edward mewled, his hips shaking as his cock quivered, his breath quickening. “I thought you might, naughty as you are.”

He bit Edward’s jaw causing a pained yelp. Jacob removed his fist from Edward’s rear, reaching around and unzipping his own jeans. Frye pressed his body against his skin, taking both their members in his hand and rubbing them against each other. Edward writhed about under him and grinded against Jacob, hoping he’d understand that he wanted his cock inside him already, enough with the teasing. The brunette trailed his tongue up Edward’s jaw line to his ear and nibbled him there too, then blew in his ear, making the gagged man squeal. Edward wrapped his legs around Jacob’s midsection and pulled him closer, Jacob having to prop himself up with both hands.

“Hungry little dog, aren’t you?” Jacob snickered, pressing himself against Edward’s ass. “Just so eager for me to be inside you again, hm?” He shoved one of his hands around Edward’s throat and immediately tightened his white-knuckled grip, Edward’s eyes watering. “Put your legs down, welcher,” Edward did as he was told, receiving a congratulatory pat on the cheek. “Good boy.”

Jacob flipped Edward over, shoving his face in the couch’s cushions, the slobber from the ball gag wiping over the fabric. He propped his weight up by holding the back of Kenway’s neck, his other hand guiding his cock at last inside him. He thrusted in calmly, to further tease Edward, who grinded his ass against his pelvis.

Jacob laughed and tautened his grip on his neck. “All right, fine, but only since you’ve been behaving so well, my sweet sailor.”

He bucked his hips, picking up his pace progressively until he reached a speed in which Edward was crying out almost nonstop. Edward was short of breath with his nose in the sofa and his eyes were clenched shut as he braced himself for each stroke. He found his tongue pressed to the ball gag, like he was a puppy nursing on its mother’s teat. Every now and then Jacob would fiercely slap Edward’s ass with his free hand which would make Edward groan deeply for the moment. A sudden thunder clap resonated through Frye’s apartment, startling Kenway and making him clench. Jacob bit his lip and pulled Edward’s head back by the hair.

“Trying to end it so soon, Eddie? But the fun’s just beginning!” he crowed, pushing his chest down to Edward’s back and biting his shoulder.

Edward gave a shrill cry as the teeth buried into his flesh. He tried to squirm out of the bite, but moving made him feel like his skin was about to tear open. He laid still, letting himself sink into the couch cushions while Jacob’s teeth sank into him. When he pulled back, deep marks were left in Edward’s skin, matching the bite on his thigh from earlier. He licked the wound as a small trace of blood from where his canines had dug themselves in dripped out. Edward’s skin stung at the touch of Jacob’s tongue to the cuts, whimpering as Jacob propped himself up higher to return to focusing on fucking Edward harder. As Edward began to reach climax, Jacob pulled out and spun Edward onto his back again, finishing the blonde off by rubbing his cock against his. Kenway’s stomach flexed as he came, white ropes striping him as he lay there trembling. Jacob tilted his head down, moving to a bent over position off the couch and licked Edward’s stomach clean, then moved to his head, running his left hand over his shaft while his right took off Edward’s gag. Immediately the pirate gasped and stretched his jaw, sore from it being forced open for so long. Jacob pulled at the leash to bring Edward upright, sliding onto his knees off the sofa, his face in front of Jacob’s pelvis.

“Open your mouth, sweetheart,” he whispered to him.

Edward listened, of course, sticking his tongue out and Jacob pressed the head of his cock to it, spraying into Edward’s throat. He closed his mouth and swallowed, then put his lips to Jacob’s dick and sucked him clean, his half-closed eyes sleepily gazing up at Jacob’s satisfied grin. After a moment, Frye shoved Edward back, tucking his cock into his pants and zipping them. He sat on the couch, Edward turning around on his knees to face him, and Jacob dragged him by the leash up next to him, his head resting on Jacob’s lap.

He ran his fingers through his yellow hair, Edward lightly breathing with his eyes shut. “You really are obedient, aren’t you, Eddie?”

Edward sighed. “… Shut up.”

Jacob chuckled and unclipped his collar, leash, and harness. He patted Edward’s cheek and motioned for him to flip over. He reached around at unlocked the handcuffs, noticing red indents from forcing Edward to lay on the cuffs across his wrists. He put the “gifts” away in their bag then tapped Edward on his lower back.

“I’m done, you can put clothes on now.”

Edward groaned but nevertheless stood up and began pulling the clothes back on. As his shirt was tugged into place, Jacob pulled Edward onto his lap, resting his chin on the shoulder he had bit. Edward winced from the sting, squirming slightly. Frye rubbed cheek against Edward’s neck, adjusting himself to plant kisses along his neck and jaw. He pushed Edward’s hair out of his way and tugged his head back by the pony tail to kiss him on the mouth, licking Edward’s lips. Edward opened his mouth and Jacob snuck his tongue under his, then drew back. Kenway bit Jacob’s lip until the skin tore, then forced Jacob down onto his back and laid on top of him, kissing Jacob more, holding his wrists down to keep his hands from wandering. After he got his full, he curled up in the crook of Jacob’s arm, sighing deeply.

A warm smile spread onto Jacob’s face, pulling a blanket off the back of the couch onto Edward and took a deep breath in. I suppose I’m sleeping in jeans tonight, he thought, laying one last kiss on Edward’s head and an arm around his side afore closing his eyes, feeling himself drift off with his friend.

[mythanklessexistence]

Kool Skool (01) Teriyaki Asthma Session

Mythanklessexistence.tumbler.com – Session(1)

I found Chuck, freshman year at college.  We had a bunch of things in common… skating, skiing, surfing, mountain biking and most importantly the love of PUNK ROCK!!!  Thank GOD!!! Millersville was quite a cultural black hole, back in the late 80’s.  We ditched our roommates after Christmas Break and first thing ya know, Chuck and I are settling in to our cave of a dorm room.  That’s when he started getting tapes sent to him, from his High School best friend, who went to the University of Washington in Seattle.  It was a direct link into the Seattle music scene. Live & Direct... from his record collection, radio air tapes he recorded for us from local DJ radio shows, and even occasional freebie samplers direct from Seattle!!  What?.  By 1988/89 I wanted everything that came out of that arena… Sub Pop, Am-Rep, Estrus, C/Z, Glitterhouse, 1/ 4 Stick, Boner, Touch & Go, Alternative Tentacles, etc… what an era for original music.  Especially as eclectic music scenes where co-existing and erupting all around the country!

That was how I met Bill Tormas, after venturing into his seminal Lancaster, PA record store – Web of Sound.  He was very curious about how we knew so much about that scene, as he too was just discovering it and bringing in everything, he could for the store… it was a truly amazing experience, trust me.  There isn’t a scenester in that town that doesn’t owe a debt of gratitude to that man. He was the first.  He was the first one that went through that proverbial BRICK-WALL of Mennonite/Amish/PA Dutch conservative thick-headedness.  But damn was he cool and did he have an ear, head and taste for music and people!!  He could talk a douchey rich dude into being a juke box 45 collector to the must fuzzed out stoner dude$30 imports and everything in between.  He was sweet too – really cared about your experience with music and he was quite the gateway!!

Most of these singles where purchased around that era at his shop.  Some I just drooled at and had to hunt down once I got some cash in my pocket. So… KOOL SKOOL is sort of me recreating Bill’s distinctive “The Web” experience in honor of that great store, man and musical era!!  Sharing tunes, I enjoy and think you may have interest in, and then following the spider web out of the C/Z arena into its web of connections throughout the scenes across the country of that era.

Tonight, we started with the second release in the Teriyaki Asthma 7” Vinyl series.  ALERT – this entire series is available on a CD, or Vinyl LP collection – check it out here, I love Discogs, but I Really Love record stores (Shop Local): https://www.discogs.com/Various-Teriyaki-Asthma-Vols-I-V/master/41161

VOLUME II starts us off with Amorphous Head, playing Lonely Lonely and Hullabaloo with, Kill your Parents. Next, we threw VOLUME Four on the deck and played one of the iconic tracks from this series – Alice Donut’s, Mrs Hayes… I can still remember the first time Bill played this song for me – SOLD. He brought them to the Chameleon shortly after this for a “Business Person’s Special” Friday Night early show, that just BLEW the doors off the place, making us all fans.  The 2nd song is of equal caliber – it’s Gwym by Vexed. Then it’s back to the OG platter – TE Vol II for the second side with Pitbull Babysitter’s – The Head Talks Cheese b/w Hold On, by My Name.  What a killer side this is too!!  Back to deck two and TE Vol Four for one of the unsung heroes of that scene and era – Icky Joey for Josephine b/w God’s Acre – Wood.  Seriously check out some of the other God’s Acre releases for some real strong recordings of the scene and it’s sound.

Moving on, we throw down Teriyaki Asthma Vol VI with one of Seattle’s most obnoxious punk/noise bands – The Thrown Ups with Walrus Head.  Def a must check out, is some of the Thrown Ups stuff on Am-Rep.  The second song is also one that Bill turned me onto when he first pointed out Olivelawn, back when they first hit the shelves.  Freaking A, are they awesome!!  Key to the band in my mind is the ensuing friendship and sheer brilliance of Eddie Glass, from Fu Manchu and in later in my world – Nebula. Several times they came to the area and played shows in York and Baltimore with my band PORTER.  I really loved my time spent with those dudes.  Nebula’s drummer, Ruben is definitely one of the top five drummers born out of that era – if not thee best and a real great dude!! Hope someday to get to Cali and share some tasty waves with him and my new friend Ben a pretty good surfer from Cali, I met via Puerto Rico and my nieces wedding back in February.  

So that’s when we started a run on Olivelawn 7” ‘s.  First went the 1990 ish release from insta-noise records with Side A featuring: Instant Punk Rock Song and b/w a killer tune – Mom’s Farm.  Mixed in on the other deck was the Nemesis 7” with The Cat’s Meow and another version of Mom’s Farm.

That slab was followed by another Olivelawn – Nemesis release – 4 is greater than 2 and the tunes Whale Finger & Signed DC.  The last disc in the Olivelawn tribute is the Sympathy for the Record Industry 1991 release of the tune – Beautiful Feeling on side A and Carvin is the Devil’s Paintbrush as the B-Side.  That Olivelawn jag end by taking us back to the TA Vol VI record for the Pain-Teens with Come Up and See Me Sometime, b/w with a great tune from Unrest entitled – Caitlin Bums(?)

So I’m not exactly sure where the Instagram Live shut down, so the rest of my original set included the Teriyaki Asthma Vol. VII with it’s A-Side of Poster Children’s, It’s True and Hammerbox’s, Promise to Never.  The B-Side has two killer voices of the “Indy Rock” scene that was starting to filter over into the punk & noise scene, Superchunk with the rocking tune, Sister and the lovely band – Tsunami.  Since the moment I first heard the first note and beat from this band. I was in love!! Just awesome!!! Their tune Punk Means Cuddle was to be the Segway into a Tsunami jag with their Simple Machines release with the tunes: Flameproof Suit, World Tour and Ski Trip on the A Side. The B Side has Kickball Babe w/Candyman.

I hope you enjoyed checking out these records as much as I enjoyed collecting and listening to them.  Thanks for the memories, for sure!!  Buy more Porn Orchard records… seriously!!!!  See ya round…  

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The Big Idea: Claire Eddy, Ibrahim Al-Marashi, Anoud and Dr. Zhraa Alhaboby

Here in the US, our fate and fortune was tied up in Iraq for many years. But what does the future hold for that country now? Iraq + 100, an anthology of Iraqi science fiction, offers several views of possibilities. Now, the acquiring editor and three authors from the anthology talk a bit about the book and the futures therein.

Claire Eddy, Senior Editor at Tor/Forge

I got a submission last fall from a small UK publisher and once I started reading I couldn’t stop. The editor of the anthology, Hassan Blasim, asked a simple question–how could you imagine your nation 100 years from now?

The question posed to Iraqi writers (those still in their homeland and those who have joined a world-wide diaspora), has produced an amazing project, a roadmap of what their country might look like following the disastrous foreign invasion of 2003.

Simply put, I believe that Iraq+100 is a piece of fiction that has the potential to make a difference.

I don’t say this lightly.  I am very passionate about all the projects that I take on, but Iraq + 100 has a particularly special importance to me. These writers have given us not just wonderful stories, but the collection itself has a unique voice that I think deserves to be heard. Storytelling has always had the power to not only entertain, but to inform and change hearts. I truly believe that this project has the ability to do these very things.

I think a project like Iraq + 100 would do well at any point in time. In the environment that we find ourselves now, however, I think this book has a much bigger potential.

Ibrahim Al-Marashi, author of “Najufa”

My story “Najufa” is based on my first trip to the Iraqi Shi’a shrine cities of Najaf and Kufa as an adult with my father and mother in 2010. The tensions that drive the relationship between the narrator and his grandfather in the story is based on the tensions I had with my own father during that trip. My father was born in the east African island of Zanzibar, as a result of his father escaping Najaf during the British occupation of Iraq in 1920 for taking part in an insurgency then. My father returned to Iraq in the sixties, went to medical school in Baghdad, and would visit Najaf and his relatives there often.  However, my father did not travel to Iraq when Saddam Hussein was in power from 1979 to 2003.

I expected the trip in 2010 to be a nostalgic “home coming” for him, but as an old man in his seventies, he seemed oblivious to the whole place or experience. He was more concerned with drinking tea and relating his life experiences to any random person in the tea house than visiting the shrines.  I compared his indifference to the spirituality inside the shrine complex to my observations at the same time of the younger pilgrims there, some who wanted to leave after a few minutes of praying, since their mobile phones are not allowed within the confines of any shrine, as terrorists use them to detonate explosives remotely.  Everyone had to check in the mobile phone outside the shrine, like a coat check, and without phones, that generation became fidgety.  After 2003, regardless of whether one was from Iraq or the “West,” what united us all was addiction to technology. In the story I wanted to project the evolution of how we will become the technology 100 years later, even in an ancient shrine city in Iraq.

Anoud, author of “Kahramana”

Kahramana is a slave girl in a story from A Thousand and One Nights which originates from the Abbasi Era in Mesopotamia, a golden age of enlightenment after which the region fell under conqueror after conqueror and women were further marginalized.

A Thousand and One Nights is one of the few literary examples I recall from the region where women are strong, dangerous characters that move a plot. Usually we’re either ‘damsels in distress’ needing the actions of men or we’re ‘conniving’ and ‘seductive’ inspiring men to act. Women did not swing a sword, not exactly. No surprise there, most of the authors are men.

A Thousand and One Nights did reflect on the norms of its times in the sense that women were spoils of war and slavery existed and was accepted. But women and slaves in those stories, like Kahramana, could be dangerous, independent, smart. Their husbands or keepers were their subordinates in the plot. They had little or no power to move the story along.

My story is more of a pun on A Thousand and One Nights. I make fun of the status quo between east and west, refugees and those on the receiving end. I chose her simply because Kahramana resonated with me as a child. I often passed by a fountain in Baghdad’s Kahramana Square that fascinated me. The fountain was built by a famous Iraqi sculpture in the 1970s to depict Kahramana (sometimes called Morjana) the slave girl from the story of Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves.

Kahramana was standing tall on top of a pile of large jars holding a jug and pouring down onto the jars underneath her feet. According to the story the slave girl was slaying the thieves by dousing them with boiling oil on then sealing each jar shut. We, as Baghdadis, were celebrating a woman slyer. We, in a country where women need men’s permission for anything. And I, the push-over little girl, found her both disturbing and amazing. She just stuck with me.

Though I have come a long way from the timid ‘good girl’ I was raised to be and I like to think I can stand up for myself, I still get pushed around because I’m of the wrong gender, I behave inappropriately for my social class, am of the wrong nationality, standing on the wrong side of a border. It’s fucking endless. And when I want to fly off the handle I remember Kahramana standing over the heads of thieves in a Square in Baghdad, killing them all, indifferent.

Dr. Zhraa Alhaboby, author of “Baghdad Syndrome”

The idea for Baghdad Syndrome was unclear at first, thinking about it brought hopes and fears together. Hence, I began to imagine a future in which Iraq heals with a scar, the scar is the syndrome.

Baghdad Syndrome is a collection of physical and mental symptoms reflecting what people in Iraq are going through. Inspired by my last visit to Iraq, I looked more worried about the future than people living there, I saw the syndrome in almost everyone! The heart rate increases with every sudden explosion, and fear of loss. The depression comes from uncertainty, where people do not really know whether they will return home if they went out. Hallucinations and nightmares, due to the verge of reality with unbelievable events. Yet, their faces were smiley, living the moment and kept smiling to survive. Amusingly the painful reality was turned into humour. The blindness in the Syndrome is a metaphor to the endless electricity cuts in Baghdad, leaving a city that loves lights in darkness. Another darkness is the sudden loss of beloved ones, a point in life where nothing else could remain the same afterwards.

The inspiration to link the syndrome with genetic mutations came from my work. During that year (2014), I was writing a report about health-related human rights in Iraq. Revising international reports showed that health was underrepresented. Back then I contacted the Ministry of Human Rights in Iraq, it was a hopeless attempt because having no internal governmental connections means the request will be overlooked. Yet, I received a prompt reply from a local employee striving to share internal reports from several parts of the country. These reports demonstrated increased rates of congenital malformations in newborns in areas still compiled with war wastes. However, the symptoms of Baghdad Syndrome are far away from being a relatively immediate physical impact.

Writing about the future was not an easy task, I needed a link to tell the story. My style of writing is through the lenses of ancient history and riddles. My emotional link with Scheherazade’s statue in Baghdad had always inspired me, I had the sense she was watching and telling stories about what’s happening around her. With my admiration of A Thousand and One Nights, I thought Scheherazade could be my witness and say my riddle this time. When I had the context, the syndrome, and Scheherazade, I could write part of myself in each character in the story to finalise it. After finishing the story I realised, I always sketched the statue with a background of buildings and a pigeon around! Looks like my version of the future was in my sub-consciousness after all!

https://whatever.scalzi.com/2017/09/15/the-big-idea-claire-eddy-ibrahim-al-marashi-anoud-and-dr-zhraa-alhaboby/

[thesportssoundoff]

“Yo, this is appointment viewing”A UFC 218 preview

Joey

November 28th

Not since LAST November-December have we had two genuinely stacked PPV events back to back. UFC 217 brought the sizzle with three title fights, former champions and title contenders competing for standing and a loaded prelim slate with HWs and BWs looking to find their place in the world. UFC 218 heads to Detroit with just one title fight but with it a host of potential #1 contender clashes alongside a flat out good undercard with relevant fights and action fights all across the ledger. The headliner is a short notice clash between Max Holloway and Jose Aldo, a pretty damn good 145 lb title fight that could either solidify Max Holloway as a P4P great or reannounce Jose Aldo's return to the top of the division. Under it, all four main cards are REALLY on point with potential #1 contender clashes at HW, LW, Flyweight and SW. I can't begin to express my excitement for this bad boy much longer so let's just get right to it!

Fights: 13

Debuts: 1 (Allan Crowder)

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations: 2 (Frankie Edgar OUT, Jose Aldo IN vs Max Holloway/Al Iaquinta OUT,  Charles Oliveira IN vs Paul Felder)

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC):  13 (Jose Aldo, Max Holloway, Justin Gaethje, Eddie Alvarez, Alistair Overeem, Henry Cejudo, Sergio Pettis, Francis Ngannou, Michelle Waterson, Tecia Torres, Charles Oliveira, Alex Olivieira, David Teymur)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC:  1 (Angela Magana)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC:  11 (Sergio Pettis, Felice Herrig, David Teymur, Drakkar Klose, Alex Olivieira, Yancy Medeiros, Paul Felder, Tecia Torres, Max Holloway, Francis Ngannou, Alistair Overeem)

Stat Monitor for 2017:

Debuting Fighters (Current number: 41-35)- Allan Crowder

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 23-34-1)- Jose Aldo, Charles Olivieira

Second Fight (Current number: 27-37)- Justin Willis, Dominick Reyes, Sabah Homasi

Cage Corrosion (18-13-1)- 0

Twelve Precarious Ponderings

1- We should begin with the main event which in my estimation an improvement over the Edgar/Holloway booking. To explain, while Edgar/Holloway is a fresh fight and one that would've been truly awesome, we've seen Frankie lose to Aldo twice. Aldo is the superior fighter of that we have no doubt---and so seeing Holloway/Aldo II isn't as fresh but it is a better all around fight. The first fight in my estimation is one of those clear examples of "sometimes stats lie, man." Everybody, almost like a chorus of geese on a cold Winnipeg morning, honks about Aldo winning the first two rounds and that's true but also irrelevant. Why? Because if you WATCH the fight, you can tell that the second round was a round where stats lie. Halloway had no respect for Aldo's power, he marched him down, he took to give (in my opinion he won the round) and by the end of the second round, their respective reactions heading back to their corners should've told you who was winning or about to win that fight. It wasn't Aldo.

2- I also don't buy the idea that leg kicks are some vaunted weapon which has been missing from Aldo's game and will be some deciding factor. For starters, it's not Holloway hasn't faced explosive kickers in the past. Second, it's not Aldo's leg kicks are the key weapon to what was his dominant run to begin with. They're a tool in the act but no more a tool than his amazing takedown defense and superb angles. LASTLY this is a guy who has been rocked/dropped in 3 of his last 4 fights. He's been finished in 2 of them. The only guy who hasn't finished him is a guy who has one KO stoppage in the last six years (love ya Frankie!). Aldo has plenty of ways to beat Holloway and Holloway has plenty of ways to beat him in return---but leg kicks? Not really seeing it. Aldo hasn't been this big leg kick monster since about 2013 or so. They're a sparsely used gimmick at this point.

3- I wonder if the UFC is as frustrated at the 155 lb scene as we are as fans. We have:

-A champion who doesn't seem like he's defending any time soon.

-An interim champion who seems to be torn between waiting for the neverending stop of the McGregor/UFC table dance and taking a fight that risks him losing the biggest payday of his life.

-Two fantastic 155 lb fights that could determine #1 contenders for titles that don't seem to be getting defended any time soon.

-Dustin Poirier sitting on the outside looking in after dominating Anthony Pettis plus depending on who you ask finishing/almost finishing Eddie Alvarez.

Making matters worser than the worst worse, you have Nate Diaz potentially malingering around, the looming threat of Max Holloway or Jose Aldo finally making a move up as well as a solid crop of 155 lb talent who aren't close to title shot contention but would in theory be closing the gap if the division wasn't held up at the top so much (the aforementioned Paul Felder, a suddenly resurgent Clay Guida, Anthony Pettis is still young enough to turn things around, too too early to write off Michael Chiesa and Kevin Lee after tough losses, Devid Teymur and the mystery that is Mairbek Taisumov).  At some point something has to give along these battle lines and I wonder if that means biting the bullet, admitting that there's a need for it and opening up 165 lbs.

3- I do think, title contention wise, it says something that Alvarez/Gaethje is 4th on the card underneath Pettis/Cejudo when it comes to relevancy. Could be nothing, could mean everything.

4- There's a lot of hype and pressure on Francis Ngannou. That's probably well deserved but as I've said perhaps one time too many, don't get caught up in the narrative if he loses. Once upon a time, Stipe Miocic got his first real big step up and he was iced in two rounds by Stefan Struve. Shawn Jordan once put Derrick Lewis on ice skates with a fat guy wheel kick. This will shock and amaze you but fighters do improve over time and at HW, nobody is ever truly a lost cause. Division lives for chaos.

5- I know I'm the weirdo in this regard but I'm really excited to see how Sergio Pettis handles the challenge that is Henry Cejudo. Of all the Duke Roufus products, Sergio is the one who seems to most fit the mold of what they want. Functional in every facet of the fight while still having the flash, sizzle and workrate to keep people interested. Cejudo's rediscovered his power recently and his boxing has looked world's better. I have cardio concerns with him as you always need to but Sergio Pettis has always had an aversion to guys who pack a shot on the feet. This fight could be really great.

6- Paul Felder's stock, which continues to go up and down depending on the time of year, is probably as high as it's been since he iced Danny Castillo way back in 2014. Felder has always been really talented but at 33, the clock's ticking on him really making a run. He's won 4 of his last 5 fights but the only guy who remains int he organization out of that group is Stevie Ray. His losses are two totally acceptable ones (a decision to Barboza where he could've probably won, a 3rd round TKO stoppage vs Francisco Trinaldo in Brazil) and one totally bemusing loss to Ross Pearson where he spun for the entire fight chasing a bonus and never got it. Felder's inconsistency is partially the reason why it's hard to feel overly confident in him vs Charles Olivieira. Do Bronx is always dangerous for a quickie sub and he showed that vs Will Brooks when he got his back and subbed him in the first round in April. Historically Charles has won to the guys he's supposed to beat and found creative insightful ways to lose to the guys he shouldn't. He's always in a fight until it's over and Felder historically leaves enough margin for error where  he could, in theory, give Do Bronx opportunities.

7- David Teymur thus far has passed every test put in front of him. He was successful in TKO-ing guys who he probably would've been fighting on the regional scene and then really broke out when he spoiled the Lando Vannata hype with a decision win in March. Teymur is one of those guys who mixes techniques well, never tries the same trick twice and has improved time and time again whenever he fights. He's a bit old for a prospect (28) and Drakkar Klose will probably be the bigger, stronger fighter but I'm excited to see what Teymur has added to his game during his time away. Dude has top 15 potential in my estimation.

8- There's going to be a lot of interest in the Waterson/Torres fight and fair play to it but I'm all about that Felice Herrig/Courtney Casey bout. I haven't been wow'd in Felice's more recent fights (never really impressed with Kish, thought Grasso won) BUT even having said that, she's finally matching her record with her boisterous personality. On the other hand, I'm all about that Courtney Casey violence. She debuted vs Joanne Calderwood on short notice and put it on her before she gassed. The same for her vs Seo Hee Ham where she started off hot and then the wheels fell off. She rebounded by finishing Christina Stanciu and has a "way more impressive in hindsight" sub of Randa Markos. A loss to Claudia Gadelha followed where she never seemed to get out of second gear and you could almost sense her upside would be "tough woman who lives on the outskirts of the top 10." She then went and beat the fuck out of Jessica Aguilar in a fight that wasn't competitive for a single minute of its duration. She is all action, all the time and Felice Herrig's size, grappling and developing hands are going to give her a real test. This fight is great.

9- Yancy Medeiros vs Alex "Cowboy" Olivieira is gonna be your favorite 90s gore action movie where it's all violence with no sense behind it. Just action figures ramming into one another.

10- Does the Ngannou/Overeem winner gets the "The UFC would like you to face Stipe Miocic on -insert date here-" sprung up on them?

11-  So Dominick Reyes is arguably the most exciting prospect at 205 lbs in a long long time---but I can't help but feel like Jeremy Kimball is going to be a step too far for him in his development. I kind of think the UFC thinks so too since it's buried on the FP prelims where a loss can almost be hidden.

12- Would a loss to Tecia Torres expose Michelle Waterson as being a PVZ-esque hype job?

Must Wins

1- Michelle Waterson

Might as well just flow from A to B, right? Waterson came into the UFC off a loss after the organization had been hounding Invicta to free her up for a while. She went 2-0 and WME-IMG actually signed her and took over as her media reps. The response off of that was a loss to Rose Namajunas where she was outmatched from the get go. Waterson says she went out for a while to get stronger and balance her aggression in the cage (she felt Rose just swarmed her from the jump and she was too timid on the feet) so hopefully we're going to see a new and improved Waterson.  She is still super markketable, talented and has exciting fights more often than not. A loss to Tecia Torres would be really tough on her career and would put a lot of things into question, primarily whether she's big enough for 115 lbs or whether this entire thing is really a new PVZ.

2- Eddie Alvarez

Alvarez exorcised a lot of demons when he beat RDA for the title and ended the bullshit about him just being a good fighter outside of the UFC who couldn't hang (loss to Cerrone and two ugly split decision wins weren't helping). He never had a chance vs McGregor where he was basically knocked out by the first left hand that landed. The last fight vs Dustin Poirier was, I suppose, the return of the Eddie Alvarez of old. He got hurt, survived, found whatever it is that makes him insane and then used it in the second round. A blatantly illegal knee ended the night for Poirier and Alvarez but for a BRIEF second, Eddie Alvarez was the man he was in all those wars. He's had a lot of wear and tear on his body from fighting great competition for little fanfare. The UFC version of Eddie Alvarez is a little smarter, a lot more chinny and the epitome of age kicking in too late to protect the body. Alvarez vs Gaethje really does feel like a battle between Eddie Alvarez retro and Eddie Alvarez off the shelf. Justin Gaethje has a ton of Alvarez in his game while being younger and hitting way harder---but does Eddie still have some magic left?

3- Dominick Reyes

205 lbs needs Dominick Reyes in the worst way. The under 30 LHW prospect got into the UFC on short notice after a viral headkick KO and he did little to disappointed in stomping out Joachim Christenson. Still I think we can admit that Christensen is ways away from being UFC quality and so Reyes still hasn't beaten someone of note. Jeremy Kimball isn't great shakes BUT he has a very deceptive record. He started his career 5-3 and since then he's gone 10-3 which includes a 1-1 stint at Bellator and wins over dudes with far more fanfare than he (TUF finalist Matt Van Buren, Cody Mumma and Chidi Njokuani all ring a bell). This is a sneaky test of Reyes' ability and I'm hoping he'll pass it.

Can't Miss Fights

1-  Justin Gaethje vs Eddie Alvarez

2- Jose Aldo vs Max Holloway

3- Francis Ngannou vs Alistair Overeem

4-Henry Cejudo vs Sergio Pettis

5- Alex  Oliveira vs Yancy Medeiros

[gorillazsource]

blog post on murdoc’s profile, plastic beach website 5/10/2010

Well. Wow! What A pointless week that was. Sugary Beelzebub !! The US authorities man. Total bummers. I’d snuck over to the US to go monitor the great and good ‘Gorillaz live band’, y’know, before they hit the main stage for the big Coachella festival slot. The UK warm up shows were great, but we / “they” hadn’t played with the any of the visuals or any of the guests collaborators, so y’know…the stakes were high. And so was I. I would have pulled Coachella if the band were just going to be limp. I wouldn’t have even blinked. It would have ruined the good and glorious work I’ve spent the last decade building up, and I’m not have that.….Anyway….

I was all hyped up the night before my departure, just rocking around my Plastic Beach, tweeting my nuts off. Rum n’ rohypnol on the go. Bags packed full of flick-knives and rum and spare nappies and capes and Satnavs. I couldn’t have been more fired up about this gig.

So, next right, I revved up my crappy little submarine, and after it spent two hours on its own zipping round the bay like a wonky Toyota (I have to upgrade that thing), I popped a couple of Xanies then purred my way over to the States. Feeling a bit mongy, like, but nice and calm inside….Mmmm….

It was great…Took me 24 hours of underwater hi-jinx but I eventually arrive in LA on the Tuesday, unzipped my wetsuit, and then checked myself into The Roosevelt, on Hollywood Boulevard. Nice! The so-called ‘party hotel’ of Tinsel Town. Spacious rooms, clean toilets, big wet swimming pool. Took a quick shower and then scooted down to the rehearsal venue where we were testing out the big screens...They look enormous! The Gorillaz backing band were in top form. Keyboards – check. Two sets of drums – check. Backing Vocals (four) – check. One Damon Albarn – check. Half the Clash – check. All good, and sounding unique! Let’s roll out the visuals and guests….

FRIDAY NIGHT in L.A.

So come Friday night, the April 16th, I went down to check on the Gorillaz G –Club gig, the first live gig with the visuals and some of those there guests we always crap on about. (I was at the back incognito dressed as Eddy Murphy from the Nutty Professor. Don’t know why I chose that one, but it was the last costume in the shop and it took me four hours to get the damn thing on. Still, did the job.).

But next thing, right, I notice we’re a few guests short of the full meringue. Turns out that due to that sodding Icelandic volcano explosion which went off we missed out on having the likes of Mos Def, The Hypnotic Brass, Shaun Ryder, Una Stubbs, Mark. E. Smith Bashy and Kano (or “Ashy” and “VolKano” as they’re now known round these parts), Rosie Wilson…loads of our sparkly glittery highlights…all stranded in Blighty with no way of getting to L.A.

My theory is that was Paul Simonon’s bass that managed to shift the ash out that Volcano. Nice work, Simmo!

Still, as I suspected there was more than enough action for our small, cosy little selected audience. The set looked amazing… although the atmosphere in the makeshift concert-cum-rehearsal hall was a little..er… dry.

Everyone was cross-legged so while they got blasted with 60ft screens, giant Doggy Doggs, the legendary Bobby Womack and seismic sub-sonic rumblings so deep I think half the first three rows actually sharted! I was just laughing away at the back in my Eddie Murphy suit….

At the same time their reaction was kinda somewhat static and …quiet. I don’t think they know exactly how to react….Maybe of having 8 zillion volts of sound and light blasted right at them left them a bit frazzled….And we weren’t even giving them the full spectacle….They look shell-shocked so I knew we were all set to go…Set us up good and ready for the Coachella meltdown….

That was the Friday. Friday The 16th. So, listen, after that we all go back to the Roosevelt, for our own little private Gorillaz party, to celebrate all the work we’d put together over the last couple of months. We were finally there and ready for battle. Nice hotel, as I said. Although I don’t think hiring an 8ft bouncer to kick you out of your own party when you’ve dropped more the 60k hiring a roped of area just to serve up a bunch of tepid drinks and a few chicken drumsticks is really anyway to run a top-notch LA hotel, for so called “celeb-based parties”. More like a knackers-yard for botoxed cock-knockers if you ask me.

Still, it was all good until I found a turd floating in the Jacuzzi…I should have taken that as an omen. A warning sign of darker moments to come, maybe?

DEARLY DEPORTED

So check this out.

3:00 am Saturday 17th I’ve just finished up the last line of my er….‘frantic memoirs’ when this happened…Saturday morning. 3:00 am. I got a knock at the door. Pause. Then it gets booted in. Some baloney-eating copper is standing there, with his squashed piggy nose telling me to get up and get dressed. Him and his stupid chubby sidekick.

You what? “I’m already dressed, mate” I said, “Nappy, boots and cape. That’s how I roll. D’you get me?”

Obviously not.

Even in my sleep I dress for success…So anyway, they yank me out of bed, and they’re barking about I can’t stay in the country. I’ve gotta get my peachy ass out of the U.S. and back to Plastic Beach. Now! No work visa. NO WORK VISA? Are you SERIOUS? I’m playing the biggest gig of my life tomorrow!

But no. They escorted me, well ‘frogmarched’ me with my spindly green arm rammed right up to the back of me neck all the way to the coastal border, and shoved me back in my sub. Bit unnecessary. But, yeah, for me the Coachella concert was cancelled immediately.

I was made to tootle of my way from the shores of America in my own little submarine back to my little garbage dump idyll in the middle of nowhere. Swine! SWEINHUNTZ! The Gorillaz backing band had to do the gig for me….Cnuts!

I missed out of the greatest gig of my life! Handed it on a platter to a sliver-gilded hired pick-up backing band. The very band I’ve been training for months, now get all the glory of headlining the Coachella festival on the Sunday night, bringing down the house to rapturous applause….

I watched it all from a video link up I’d arranged last minute….just heartbreaking. I almost wept. Watching these trained imposters steal my thunder! (big slurp of rum n’ ginger…all better now…)

So my rundown of the concert…Well, from the video cam footage I saw, it did look like an all-spectacular….

The Technicolor visuals of “The Orchestral Intro” with a 360 panoramic tour of my Plastic Beach straight into a 2000-foot Snoop Dogg lurching across the helm of the boat, telescope in hand right, then hit after hit washing like a Tsunami across the shores of the Coachella festival; a giant wave in all rights I should have been riding. White Flag, Clint Eastwood, FeelGood Inc, Empire Ants, Kids with Guns…Gliterfreeze…STYLO! I’d planned it all with meticulous detail!

I don’t want to spoil it all because it’s something that needs to be witnessed first hand, with your own eyes n’ ears, but what a fantastic concert. Something Coachella had never seen before. The best closing set the festival had ever seen by all accounts… And they’re all my songs! So imagine just how grand and awe-inspiring it’ll look when I’m in there. The real Gorillaz! Right in the middle of it all! Plus the artists who couldn’t make over Stateside. Makes my heart go all butterflies just thinking about it….

Still, such a bummer I couldn’t make it. Heartbreak aside I still managed to interrupt the performance with a message to my mate George, from Iowa, Des Moines just to let him know I got the stuff he wanted…I guess I’ll have to pass it on to him in Londonia. I sort you out at The Roundhouse if you’re coming George.

And where am I now? Kicking my heels back on Plastic Beach, that’s where!

Oh…The winds round here roar black operas into my ears. Tales of dust and ash and traumas, singing songs of desolation and hopes unfulfilled. All eternity wrapped into a single melancholic crappy midnight gale…I cannot seem to leave this rock.

It seems like my Plastic Beach is growing now too. Take a look at this. This beach in Hawaii is turning out the same as my place. Their beach is evolving into plastic too, all washed up by the sea…

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/8639769.stm

The horror is spreading…! Just without the cases of rum!

NEW YORK, AOL, STEVE COLBERT REPORT!

So, where were we? Oh yeah right, back in that world, while I just got escorted back to the island, the Gorillaz band continued without me. They had to. Straight on to New York, to do more promotion. A session at the legendary Electric Ladyland studios where Mr J. Hendrix laid down his seminal album. Historic! I think they’ve still got the original headphones he used in there. By all accounts they we’re well crackly…

Then what next hmmm…An AOL performance, and then some iTunes bizness. I’m glad these were just karaoke sessions otherwise I would have busted my nut over not being in on it. Still I just couldn’t hold my lip when it came to The Steve Colbert Report. That’s this TV show that’s big in America apparently. So I got wind that the boys and girls of the Gorillaz backing band were going to spring up on this programme, to play Stylo, again without your truly.

I thought it was only fair to let Steve Colbert know just exactly what he was getting for his bucks…I left him a little answerphone message to tell him that it wasn’t the real Gorillaz band, just a cod interpretation of it. I love them but I did think it’d be good to rain on their parade…

Steve Colbert quite rightly flipped his lid when he found out he’d been hustled. The interview with Jamie and Damon well and truly nose-dived into the surreal as soon as Steve got my message, so I’m glad to have helped out there….Or ruined it, if you like. Whatever.

Still none of that matters now. The past is a foreign country, as they say. Next Up!!!!

THE CAMDEN ROUNDHOUSE!!!

All of this is now loading the bases for The Camden Roundhouse in a magnificent style. Which I most certainly WILL be appearing at. My glorious return! And all the ‘work visa’ issues have just gone away. I just need to turn up. I’m a UK passport holder so there’s no worry of me not making this one. D’you get me…? I’m legit.

Boy, am I’m looking forward to this one. I’m applying the rosin to the shaft end of my bass….making it extra twangy for the Camden kids worldwide….POW!!!!!!!!!

This concert’s being streamed you know? LIVE to MTV worldwide. MTV will be steaming The Roundhouse concerts on the Friday and Saturday. So you can check it out all online, live streaming, for 48 hours after the concert…They’re going capture me in all my billowing glory! I’ve had my nappy silver –plated for this one…. http://gorillaz.mtv.com

And this time we’ll have the full set. We’ve got The Mos Def, The Hypnotic Brass, Shaun Ryder, Mark. E Smith….the works… Bobby Womack, Bashy & Kano, Little Dragon, The Syrian Orchestra….Gruff from the Super Furry Animals, Bootie Brown…De La Soul…

This will be the one! This will be the concert to end them all! Coachella got ruined because of the glaring gaping cavernous absence of me, Murdoc Niccals. That was like an Indiana Jones film without say…Harrison Ford. And I guess it would’ve helped too if, say, the Gorillaz guitarist Noodle was there too. Or Russel on drums. And having 2D singing instead of Damon Albarn probably would’ve made some kind of difference.

But the Camden Roundhouse concerts will have it all in spades! The full set. All the band, all the guests and all the back up we need to make this a gig to end them all.

It’s funny to think that Gorillaz started out here in this very spot all those years ago. Our very first gig was at the infamous Camden Brownhouse, just down the road from the Roundhouse. November 5th 1998. That’s the first one we did with out current line-up, me 2D and the other two. The first Gorillaz concert known to man.

A&R man Whiffy Smiffy from EMI signed us up there and then on the spot. One gig. One song. We we’re that good! And now look; 20 million record sales later, world tours, awards falling out of our collective arses, global stomping videos…. We couldn’t have taken it any further. We’ve pushed our boats to all four corners of the globe. The World is now Gorillaz-shaped!

And now we’ve come back to our old stomping ground. Camden, London, UK.

So here’s to Thursday, and here’s to me getting off this miserable island once more. It’s sending shivers up my spine now, this place. The island has started to rumble. Just before I left for LA it started playing spooky old jazz hits from the 50’s, eerie melodies wafting around its weeping shores. "Midnight, The Stars and You” I think the tune was...like something from the Overlook Hotel…I think something, some dark spirit, is trapped in this Plastic Beach. And it’s beginning to emerge….I’m actually hoping Russel gets here sooner rather than later now, which I never thought I’d hear myself say…

We shall see then…

Anyway, this is me Captain Murdoc of the Gorillaz Plastic Beach enterprise, signing off and hoping to see all of your pretty, pretty faces over in London at the Camden Roundhouse!

It promises to be an incredi….Hey! Wait a sec.! Just had a flick through the TV Times and what’s this? Apparently Gorillaz are playing the Jools Holland Show this Tuesday. In London. Tomorrow! Really? No-one informed me. Right, best get my harris over to England sharpish. Can’t miss that one too…Christ. It’s impossible to get decent update round these parts…Who’s tour-managing this thing? Houdini?!

Plastic Beach? It’s a concrete nightmare….

Right. I’m off

Love kisses and a sloppy dirty nicotine-stained smooch to you all.

I love you all from the bottom of my crooked little heart!

Ciao!

Murdoc N.

X

http://web.archive.org/web/20100924185751/http://gorillaz.com/profile/Murdoc

[itsworn]

Racing—and Hot Rodding—was Hot at the 2018 NHRA Hot Rod Reunion

Sweet 16 is a special year, generally accompanied by a special party. This year was the 16th Annual Holley National Hot Rod Reunion presented by AAA Insurance, and the weekend proved to be one wild Sweet 16 party. For the first time in several years the entire weekend remained dry; nary a drop of rain would fall. That’s the good news; however, temperatures soared into the mid-’90s with humidity to match, providing track temps approaching 150 degrees. The track was hot and so was the drag racing, ranging from AA/FD (aka Nostalgia Top Fuel) and AA/FC Funny Cars to super stocks, gassers, 409s, and jet dragsters. This Father’s Day weekend is truly a celebration of speed and innovation.

Fry-N-High: High Speed Motorsports and Mendy Fry began the weekend as number-one qualifier and never looked back. Fry posted low e.t. in every round of Top Fuel while systematically knocking off the competition, but that makes it sound easy. The HRR win involved flawless car prep, including going to a back-up motor. In the final round Fry staged next to Jim Young in the Young Guns rail. In an amazing drag race, Fry edged past Young with a 5.720/252.05 to his 5.841/256.26. High Speed Motorsports rolled out of town toting the weekend gold and the 2018 points lead.

The “nostalgia drag racing” term is difficult to define, particularly in the fuel classes. Nostalgia may be the emotion that initially sparked the movement more than 30 years ago, but the cars, teams, and drivers are doing much more than stirring memories. While the cars resemble the cars of the 1960s, they are in fact faster and safer than true vintage dragsters. Perhaps AA/FD continuation cars would better describe these incredible racecars. But call them what you like, for 2018 the racers put on one heck of a show, with intense competition right to the final rounds.

It was Great in ’68: Joe & Bob Walden built this super-sano ’48 Fiat and campaigned it in 1967-1968. The car was parked after blowing the motor in 1968 and remained in the Walden Brothers welding shop until 1997. The new owner updated the car with a 427 Chevy and raced it several times before selling the car. The car is remarkable because the paint, lettering, and decals were all applied in 1967-1968, making this one pristine survivor. Today Bill Lininger of St. Marys, Ohio, owns the car.

Likewise the gassers, super stockers, and altereds provided monster wheel stands and blinding burnouts, much to the joy of fans seated in the vintage covered stands of Beech Bend Raceway. The fact that drag races have been held here, uninterrupted, for more than 60 years only adds to the ambience.

Righteous Rambler: AMC introduced the new two-door 770 hardtop in 1964, and while most of us have long forgotten these cars (they only sold 20,868 of them), seeing one today is a reminder of the clean and simple styling that defined all cars in 1964. Under the hood a 287ci V8 that cranks out 198 hp, but there was an optional 327-4bbl/270hp motor. This 18,000-original-mile, Frost White example looks great with a set of Cragars and a simple silver stripe, making this AMC Classic 770 cooler than a Kelvinator.

But there is so much more going on at the Reunion, as this truly is a gathering of the faithful, the hardcore racers and longtime hot rodders. The Reunion brings us back to a time when drag racers and hot rodders were closer neighbors in the hot rod community. The Reunion is a place to meet legends, old friends, and make new ones.

Bad Bird: Two Pontiac guys, Eric Larson (driver) and Mike Garblik (engine builder), campaign this re-creation of Farmer Arnie Beswick’s 1971 Pontiac Trans Am Funny Car. The body was cast from the original molds, while under the hood the blown alcohol/nitro-drinking Pontiac motor is good for time slips in the low 6s.

It helps that Bowling Green, Kentucky, is a serious car town. The Corvette factory is based there, and alongside the assembly line you’ll find the National Corvette Museum. This year the Honoree Reception was held there. A collection of hot rods and Cackle cars was on hand to spice things up, and attendees could also tour the Museum, a tour worth taking. Famed drag racer Larry Lombardo served as the Grand Marshall for 2018 and attended the banquet to help usher in the 2018 Honorees, Jay Howell, Bo Laws, Ed Miller, Joe Williamson, and Greg Xakellis.

Simply Cool: While it is fun to pretend that back in the day everyone was driving a radical hot rod, the truth of the matter is there were a whole lot more mild customs with warmed-over motors parked at the local service station. This timeless ’50 Ford sports a bull-nosed and louvered hood while rolling on red steelies and wide whites. Add a picture-perfect stance and this proves you don’t have to work hard to be really cool.

As the sun dropped in the sky, the racing came to an end, and the final two Hot Rod Reunion traditions would bring the event to a close. First, long time NHRA drag race announcer Bob Frey stood at the starting line for the annual and somewhat sobering reading of hot rodders and racers who have left us in the past year. Unfortunately, that list seems to get longer with each passing year. But the spirit of the Hot Rod Reunion is to remember the past and the present, and after the reading the track was once again filled with nitromethane fire and fumes with the Cacklefest bringing another Reunion to a close.

Blue Suede Pickup: Now this is our kind of hot rod hauler. A bed full of tires, a windshield full of “kill stickers” from drag races past, and great door art. It appears the Model A pickup is a support vehicle for the large contingency of Geezer Gassers on hand for the weekend, but the tech stickers in the windshield tell us this hauler sees some track action, too.

For West Coast hot rodders Father’s Day weekend has long been about a gathering of the roadsters. For many back-east hot rodders, Father’s Day weekend means a special gathering at Beech Bend Raceway Park for the NHRA Hot Rod Reunion. We’ll see you there next year.

Austin Action: Clyde Moore’s Insta-Gator ’48 Austin is always a crowd pleaser, launching hard with wheels in the air. The Mobile, Alabama-based gasser relies on 422 ci of small-block Chevy to provide sub-6-second eighth-mile passes.

Bucket Blender: Hot rods by definition are a combination of parts old and new. Jeff Crouch did a great job mixing parts on his ’23 T-bucket. The paint scheme is somewhat contemporary, but that flathead is definitely a mix of old and new. Edelbrock heads are traditional, while the EFI induction is totally modern, and that Chevrolet water pump is a mix of old and older. The end result is an outrageously cool T-bucket.

Super Sled: Nick White’s timeless ’50 Mercury stopped us in our tracks. Don’t let that perfect profile distract your eye. Sure, the top chop is obvious, but how about the frenched headlights, rounded hood corners, rounded door corners, shaved door handles, Appleton spots, and the shortened trim? They all combine for a timeless lead-sled look, and then, just when we thought we had found all the custom touches, we noticed the reworked front-wheel openings.

The Jet Set: This Florida Institute of Technology-sponsored jet dragster is piloted by Elaine Larsen and is just one of several jet dragsters in the Larsen Motorsports stable. Weighing in at just 1,145 pounds (the car, not Elaine) helps explain why jet cars often exceed 300 mph in the quarter-mile. This dragster has FIT students working as interns, and as promised, the program will really “get them into racing.”

Young Guns: Jim Young and the Young Guns dragster qualified second and found their way into the final round to take on number-one qualifier Mendy Fry in the High Speed Motorsports car. It would prove to be one fantastic race. Young left first, but near mid-track the car began to skate toward the wall. Young kept the car in his lane, never lifting and managed an event top speed of 256.26 mph on the way to runner-up for the event. This is exactly the kind of drag race that keeps us coming back to the Hot Rod Reunion every year.

Brilliant Bird: By the mid-1960s color was king. After a simple de-chroming you could create a great custom with masking tape, multiple colors, and custom effects. This thought was not lost on Eddie and Sara Rochelle. Their Portland, Tennessee-based ’62 T-bird is beautifully painted in Watson style using metalflake, candy, pearl, scallops, and flawless design. A pearl white interior and proper stance complete this time warp.

Rat Infested: Mike Kalinowski drives the Unfinished Business Austin, and he drives it hard. “One Angry Austin” is part of the Scots Hot Rods gasser group, so you know each pass begins with a monster burnout provided by a monster big-block Chevy under the hood.

Ramblin’ Rebel Reaper: OK, back in the day there weren’t a whole lot of American Motors-powered gassers. That said, it would appear a 401ci AMC mill can provide more than enough power to plant Don Moyers ’40 Willys coupe on the back bumper. The Mentor, Ohio-based gasser is famed for hangin’ them high.

Grand Marshall: Larry Lombardo was the 2018 HRR Grand Marshall, and this ’61 Corvette is the car that started it all. Lombardo was drag racing this car before he had a legal driver license. In 1968, at just 19 years old, he went to the Nationals and became F/S National Champ, and went on to win National Stock Eliminator, beating out Dave Duell and the famed Drag-N-Wagon in the final round. The car was built in his dad’s Amoco Service Station, Joe’s Amoco, with the engine by Roger Sinistri and tuning by Joe Lombardo. Larry’s colorful racing career includes driving for Bill Jenkins and opening his own race engine shop, to mention a just a few.

A Finer Starliner: The early 1960s brought the most beautiful hardtops ever produced. All of the Big Three automakers featured thin C-pillar cars, and this 1961 Ford Starliner is a fine example of the breed. The car is period-perfect due in large part to the elevated stance that was so popular in the 1960s. A big 390 provides the power.

Group W: The 348-409 class was back for 2018. Comprised mostly of 1958-1964 Chevrolets, the class is actually open to any car powered by a W-motor. This good-looking ’62 Chevy wagon launches hard on the way to a low 12-second pass.

Phenomenal: Street or Strip: Ed Kasicki’s Phenomenon ’33 Willys is powered by a 400-inch Chevy small-block fed by dual 750 Holley carbs atop a 6-71 blower. The car runs high 8s in the quarter-mile and is a beautifully prepared racecar. Not wanting to limit his hot rodding to just racing, Kasicki keeps the coupe registered and insured, and has been known to drive into an occasional cruise night around his home town of Aurora, Ohio. That must turn a few heads.

Pusher Man: Bob Lathery has had a string of traditional hot rods over the years and rolled into Bowling Green this year behind the wheel of this traditional ’62 Chevrolet stepside hauler. Moons and wide whites set the mood; the truck was later used to push one of the vintage Cackle cars.

Custard Stand: The original Mr. Custard A/G Anglia was destroyed in 1965 at Ohio Valley Raceway, another victim of the gasser wars of the 1960s. Butch’s Rod Shop recreated the car as seen here in 2003 with a 413ci Chevy hooked to a Powerglide transmission. Irvin and Gina Johns are the current owners.

Never Throw in the Towel: Did we mention it was hot all weekend long? But the good news is we had no rain. However, when temps soared into the mid and upper 90s, drivers found shade any way possible.

Straight-Axle Altitude: Gassers vary in many ways, including ride height, as illustrated by this trio of street-going gassers. Bruce Bursten’s Hilborn injected ’57 Corvette rides at 1960s gasser height, while Kevin Doolittle raised his 427/Hilborn injected ’55 T-bird a little more. Finally, Ray Thenot topped them all in his big-block-powered, nose-high ’55 210. All three cars have chrome tube axles and wheelwell headers.

Straight A: If you’ve been studying hot rods for a long time you recognize “the right stuff” as it passes by. Gary Brock’s Model A coupe combines proper parts with righteous proportions. From the bias-ply tires to the Deuce frame and Y-block power plant the car is mechanically dialed-in. The appearance package involves a Deuce grille, a subtle single row of louvers on the one-piece hood, a hammered lid, and mile-deep paint. We’d give this hot rod coupe straight As.

Recycling Facilities: The swap meet at Beech Bend is always worth the walk. It’s consistently filled with real hot rod goodies, racer stuff, and even the occasional complete vintage race car. A good part of the swap meet is in the shade, making this a very cool place to look for cool parts.

Gas Glasser: Steve Norton’s ’56 Corvette is the latest gasser to roll out of Randy Riall’s shop, Rods by Rowdy in Floyd Knobs, Indiana. The dual Edelbrock carbs feed a hungry rat motor with spent gasses exiting in the wheelwells. While this copper smoothie is a street-going gasser, rumor has it there will be some dragstrip action in the near future.

This One’s for Dad: The drag racing community lost a long time T/F driver and builder Dan “Digger Dan” Horan Sr. in 2016. However Dan Horan Jr. had been piloting the family T/F rail for years, along with some great Nostalgia Funny Cars. This year Dan Jr. rolled into Bowling Green with a brand new fuel Funny and took it to the winner’s circle on its first outing. Lettering on the car includes, “A Tribute to Digger Dan Horan.” Dan Jr. later commented, “This is a pretty emotional win on Father’s Day weekend.”

Simply Sanitary: The 1941 Willys coupe is arguably the best looking Willys ever built (although the ’40 split-grille car sure is pretty, too). They were basic econo-cars when built in 1941, and today simply giving the car a clean shave and a proper stance results in one wicked hot rod. We offer Jake Richey’s O.D. coupe as graphic proof.

Cackle Pusher: The Cacklefest, which is simply a festival of nitromethane, is big at Bowling Green. What makes it extra cool is that one side of the track is lined with crank-start cars, while the other lane is filled with push-start dragsters. Often the push vehicles are as interesting as the dragster it aims to start. Here the Hundley & Boggs dragster is pushed by a very cool hot rod truck.

Ceremony: As the sun dropped, the Cackle cars were rolled into place. After a very hot weekend of great racing, it was time for the annual closing ceremony under cooling evening skies.

Big Daddy: The Holley NHRA Hot Rod Reunion has developed traditions within the salute to traditional drag racing. One of the best traditions is having Big Daddy Don Garlits push started from the big end and stop at the tree to provide the final cackle of the weekend. It is a fitting end to a great event and one we look forward to every year. Big Daddy is still the King of AA/FD.

Closer: As the weekend draws to a close Saturday, hot rods of every description head toward the gates. This ’55 Chevrolet is a fine representation of the real hot rods that come to watch real drag racing. If you have never experienced the Hot Rod Reunion, mark your calendar now, Father’s Day Weekend 2019. As they used to scream out on the local AM radio stations, “Beeee Theeerrrreeee!”

The post Racing—and Hot Rodding—was Hot at the 2018 NHRA Hot Rod Reunion appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

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[placetobenation]

Hey-hey! It’s finally time to post up another PTB Power Rankings for the 2018 MLB Season. So, dust off those cleats, pull your bats out of storage, and find a glove that still fits because we are BACK and ready to, uh, well, rank 30 teams in opinionated order of performance.

Shit, well, it’s good to get back to it anyway.

Yes, Miggy, the first PTB MLB Power Rankings of the year are FINALLY out!

Editor’s note: Truly sorry about my lack of sports/baseball stuff, Nation. Grad school, unemployment, re-employment, and a lot of busy-ness at work have a way of sidetracking things. And once out of a habit, well, you know…

All records and stats are current as of Saturday, June 9, 2018.

1. New York Yankees (42-18) — The Bronx Bombers have won nine of their last 10, they’re playing .700 ball, and are the only team in MLB that has yet to lose 20 games. Ridiculous.

2. Boston Red Sox (44-21) — Personally, I find it quite boring when these two superpowers lead MLB. However, with the BoSox ripping up the league with 5.22 runs scored per game (second to the Yanks at 5.54), 600 team hits, 144 doubles, and 95 home runs, the offense is in *ahem* full swing. Solid support for Chris Sale (2.83 ERA), Rick Porcello (3.59), and David Price (4.00) and what has been a pretty good bullpen.

3. Houston Astros (41-25) — The defending champs are allowing the fewest runs in MLB (3.02 per game) while offensive core stalwarts Jose Altuve (142 OPS+), Carlos Correa (130 OPS+), Alex Bregman (136 OPS+), and George Springer 145 OPS+). Oh, and Justin Verlander (262 ERA+) and Gerrit Cole (176 OPS+) are posting best-ever seasons.

4. Seattle Mariners (40-24) — Listen, there are only four teams with 40+ wins to this point in the season (Milwaukee, see below, is at 39 as of this writing). The AL has all four them. The Mariners are probably the least likely to maintain, but, hey, those 40 are in the bank.

5. Milwaukee Brewers (39-25) — Raise your hand if you figured the Brewers posting the NL’s best record this far into the season. The offense has been alright (4.39 runs a game) as has the pitching overall (3.72 runs allowed), but that bullpen has been great (2.54 ERA). Josh Hader, in particular, is out-of-this-world. Getting ace Jimmy Nelson back soon could put the Brew Crew over the top.

6. Chicago Cubs (37-24) — Just half a game behind the Brewers, with six everyday batters posting OPS+ numbers over 100 (average). The bullpen features a whole bunch of sub-3 ERAs and Jon Lester (7-2, 2.22) has been great atop the rotation. While all those arms could regress, the solid showing at the plate from the Cubbies should keep them in the midst of October talk.

7. Washington Nationals (36-26) — The injuries have mounted for the Nats, but Max Scherzer has been healthy and continues his march towards Cooperstown. Teen phenom Juan Soto has been awesome in his 19-game introduction (.328/.435/.552) with a very promising 11-10 BB-to-K ratio.

8. Atlanta Braves (37-27) — The Bravos seem to have arrived a year ahead of schedule, but this team looks real good for a dynastic run, with Freddie Freeman (28), Ozzie Albies (21), Dansby Swanson (24), Ronald Acuna (20), and top hurlers Mike Foltynewicz (26) and Sean Newcomb (25) all well ahead of the curve.

9. Los Angeles Angels (37-28) — Mike Trout. We need to appreciate him more. Here’s his current line: .306/.439/.646, 1.085 OPS, 198 OPS+, 52 runs, 70 hits, 15 doubles, 19 homers, 13 steals (no caught stealings), 53-53 K-BB rate. And the dude is still only 26. Insane. Now, how the Halos hang around with Shohei Ohtani’s elbow woes remains in doubt, but the dominance of the Millville Meteor is of no question.

10. St. Louis Cardinals (35-27) — Only Jose Martinez (145 OPS+) and Tommy Pham (118) are really raking for the Redbirds, but strong starts from Miles Mikolas (2.27 ERA), Michael Wacha (2.47), and Carlos Martinez (1.83) are keeping the Cards alive in the Central and in the thick of things for a postseason spot.

This guy is really, really, really, amazingly good at baseball.

11. Philadelphia Phillies (32-30) — A week or so ago, these guys would rate much better, but the Phils have got 1-7 in June. The talent is there, but the next big test for rookie manager Gabe Kapler will be righting the ship.

12. Arizona Diamondbacks (34-29) — Remember back in April when Arizona was the toast of baseball with a 28-8 record? Yeah, well, going 14-21 since has certainly put that in the distant past. Of note, though, Paul Goldschmidt seems to waking up (13-for-20 with four homers over his last four games). It’s a thoroughly mediocre division to this point, so the winner of the NL West may well wind up being the team that takes best advantage of when its best players produce.

13. Cleveland Indians (33-29) — The lowest-rated division leaders here, the Tribe has played well at home (20-11) but been the pits away (13-18). While they’re still pretty odds-on to win the Central, that vaunted bullpen (worst in MLB with a 5.82 ERA) has a chance to torpedo anything beyond that. Of note, Cleveland could be the first team since 1920 to lead MLB in bullpen ERA one year (2.89 in 2017) and then finish dead-last the next.

14, 15, 16 (tie). Colorado Rockies, Los Angeles Dodgers, San Francisco Giants (32-32) — The Rockies’ regression was expected from last year, while the Dodgers have been hit by more injuries than a clown car at a demolition derby, and the Giants have managed to hang around via a great home record (19-11). With a little luck and health, any of these three could challenge for the division crown, or a wildcard berth.

17. Detroit Tigers (31-35) — They are not a good team, but also not as bad as once thought. While they should still look to trade guys like Shane Greene, Michael Fulmer, and a few others, this is a very fun team to watch when they are playing well. Ron Gardenhire deserves a lot of credit here. He won’t get many (any?) votes, but this is what a Manager of the Year looks like, folks.

18. Oakland Athletics (33-32) — Trevor Cahill. Blake Treinen. Matt Chapman. Matt Olson. Mark Canha. Raise your hand if you knew these were five members of the 2018 Oakland A’s and not the roster of some non-descript mid-90s boy band. Personally, I prefer Matty C. over Matt O. And that Trevor. He’s so good to his mother.

19. Minnesota Twins (27-34) — Injuries, starting with Ervin Santana in February, have not stopped dogging this team. It’d be a real shame if we don’t get to appreciate Byron Buxton fully because of his health. However, Eddie Rosario (.318/.355/.566) with 14 home runs has been a real breakout star for these erstwhile preseason darlings.

20. Pittsburgh Pirates (31-33) — The Pirates have a talent core of players. They have a gorgeous ballpark. They have a devoted fanbase. But they also have a shitty ownership group that refuses to give said fans what they want — a winner. The hard part should be developing your supporting cast, not paying for the top-tier talent.

21. Toronto Blue Jays (29-35) — Oh, well. That window sure closed in a hurry. A selloff could bring some much-needed youth ot the Jays, as well as adding intrigue to the wild-card races around the league.

22. San Diego Padres (30-36) — I can’t believe I’ve got them this high, either. Clearly, Eric Hosmer’s will-to-win-veteran-presence even affects mid-season rankings. In truth, the Friars have a great bullpen, which, if they wish to sell off, could bring in some depth to an already-well-liked farm system.

Hey Eddie! Yeah, you. Sorry about your team. But hey, great season so far, mate!

23. Tampa Bay Rays (29-34) — The “opener” trend seems like grasping at straws to be innovative, like Kevin Cash wants Michael Lewis to write a book about him or something. That said, despite a horrid start to the year, and a veritable Who’s That? roster, these guys are not all that bad. They are not good either. They are the bologna and cheese on white bread of the American League. Mustard optional.

24. New York Mets (27-34) — Well, they did the right thing by dumping C— Harvey, but this team is still just Mets-ing all over the place. Losers of eight straight, with whispers they might deal deGrom or Thor. I’m sure if those trades happen, this organization will find a way to Mets those up too.

25. Texas Rangers (27-40) — It’s nice to see National Treasure Bartolo Colon pitching well. He’s old and fat, so we should adore him. I guess. I’m actually a bit lost on his precise appeal.

26. Cincinnati Reds (22-43) — The mere fact that C— Harvey shares a team with Joey “The Last Angry Canadian” Votto, and Tucker “What A Great Last Name” Barnhart, boils my blood and causes me night sweats. Also, the pitching stinks.

27. Chicago White Sox (21-41) — Lucas Giolito lead the Pale Hose with four wins, but has a 7.08 ERA. Meanwhile, Jose Abreu (139 OPS+, team-high 24 doubles) is an island unto himself.

28. Kansas City Royals (22-43) — The Royals are giving up 5.52 runs per game. The Yankees have scored 5.54 runs per game. That’s right, folks! When the Royals are in town, it’s just like watching the Yankees!

29. Baltimore Orioles (19-44) — It’s pretty clear Buck Showalter doesn’t care anymore, does it? While we all know Manny Machado is great at baseball (166 OPS+) and will be traded, just gander at the awfulness of Chris Davis’s season (.152/.232/.232, four home runs, a 30 OPS+). It’s soooooooo gross!

30. Miami Marlins (23-41)  — No, the Marlins are not last because of my spite over how they have been a joke forever, constantly screw over fans, and make a mockery of competition. No, it’s not because their current and former owners are emblematic of the excessive awfulness of capitalism . No, it’s not because they plead “process” over “results” whenever someone rightly gives them a second look. It’s because they suck. Last in runs scored per game (3.48) and tied for fifth-worst in runs allowed (5.14) should do.

And with that, we are back in the pink with our Power Rankings. I hope to bring you guys more MLB goodness throughout the rest of the year when time allows. Until then, it’s batter up and play ball!

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