#hifuumo friday

[junhecas]

Hifuumo friday...!

I'm taking these pictures on a different day just don't tell anyone.

In the future, do you think climate change would have taken away snow days? The thought made me sad, so I gave them one while I could.

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

It's officially been one year since I started doing this. Minus only a handful of weeks (I think only two or three?) I have consistently gone outside and touched grass for an entire year.

This might not be significant to newer Hifuumo Friday appreciators, but it is to me. I first started doing this because I've spent half of my life staying indoors as a bona fide hikikomori. I had really bad agoraphobia and would never leave my room, nonetheless my house.

And whenever I did, I'd be panicking inside and be overwhelmed in sheer terror.

I haven't quite felt that way for what feels like a long time now. I managed to see friends I cared for deeply in another city at a place I didn't know without dissociating the whole time.

Nor did I repress my personality to do so. I was just...myself, even if I cried a lot.

I even got a job I enjoyed that was nothing but walking around places and talking to complete strangers.

/And/ I went to a big convention, in cosplay, and had a great time!

That isn't to say that I'm 'cured' or feel nothing at all anymore; I do still feel anxious, I do still feel scared about things outside (Particularly animals). But...it's more manageable now. A lot more manageable.

It isn't all-consuming and crippling like it used to be.

And I'm really, really happy about that. I didn't think I'd ever get to feel this way for a very long time. I still have things I need to do, things I need to overcome and confront—but I feel like I actually can now, instead of it being a pipe dream.

Most of all, I'm just really happy to be doing something instead of languishing endlessly.

I have some things I need to do still and still have new places to go to, in time. But I'm really looking forward to it.

I love you all, I hope you have a great day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday: Touhoufest 2024 Mega Edition everyone!

I want to start this off by simply saying that I had a fucking blast on my trip. I didn't think I'd have as much fun as I did, but as it turns out, I might just be a con/cert goer, who would have thought?

A year ago I would have died just thinking about going on a trip like this. And here I am now, looking back on it fondly and already looking forward to getting next year.

Was I still kind of anxious the whole time? Certainly. But it was manageable!

I arrived a day early to get my bearings. The group I was with happened to have plans that day too, so me and the people I was with (Hi @sennypls & @DeviousPulsar on The Social Media Platform Formerly Known as Twitter💖) decided to hang out. We went to a cat cafe and then to Little Tokyo.

I thought I'd be a lot more scared of that than I actually was, which is great!

The trip to Little Tokyo was also really fun. Where I live doesn't have anything like it, so it was a nice change of pace. After that we went to the observatory and watched the sunset.

But enough about that! It's time to dive into the real subject; Touhoufest itself!

I had a /fantastic/ time there, doing pretty much everything. I attended a few panels, wandered around artist alley, just took pictures and hung out in my cosplay, it was great!

There was also a really cool garden that I spent a lot of time in. I took a photo with my friend @phanatma's (Also on The Social Media Platform Formerly Known as Twitter) Eirin fumo.

And we even met Miku!

The fumo meetup was also really nice. They had to do it in waves because of how many people came to participate in that!

I also got to meet @lyricalive & @lori-hime, and got this nice picture of them with my fumos!

And I got recognized by two fanfic authors too. They are @comfybutter and @cookiethebirdthing here on Tumblr! It was really shocking to me, and we took this picture together!

At the end of the first day, a concert was held at the venue. 'Toho Eurobeat Extravaganza' it had a lot of artists and it was /really/ cool. They even got A-ONE all the way from Japan!

Next time, I'll remember to bring earplugs. Though I had a great time regardless!

When Touhoufest actually closed on the second day we went and had hotpot together at a friend's Airbnb (Though I couldn't eat any of it because of my Crohn's sadly) before making our way to Round1, which took awhile.

I had a lot of fun watching everyone play the games!

Sadly, it had to end. I've already decided I'm going to go again next year at least. AND I'm going to learn how to sew so I can make a better cosplay.

Finally, here's a picture of my haul.

I love you all, and I hope you have a good day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

Despite work deciding to jerk me around /again/ this week was really fun. I got to see some relatives I haven't seen in literal years and we had a great time catching up.

I hadn't seen my aunt and uncle since my dad died 7 years ago, before I had even transitioned. But they said I had looked happier and more sure of myself than they had ever seen—which is something I really needed to hear, honestly.

It's hard to feel like you're improving.

As much as you'd like, you can't ever really exist outside of your own head, you know? But I got reassured of that quite a bit this past week, and it really helped.

I only hope I can keep at it—maybe try to find a different job since this one has been so flaky.

I'll think about it. And in the meantime, I am happy to say that I got approved for insurance too—I just have to a little bit longer to go over my actual healthcare options and confirm who my provider will be.

I'm hoping that I can stick with my current providers though.

And also, of course, my current treatment, which has been life-changing as far as I'm concerned.

But I'm just going to take it in stride and enjoy myself for now.

Especially since it was my birthday too. I received really thoughtful gifts that made me cry my eyes out.

A bunch of Canadian snacks, some German snacks, and a German cookbook from one of my best friends who I always badgered for cooking advice in the past and a nice pen.

As well as two notes. I won't say what was in those. Needless to say though, they made me cry a lot.

I consider myself very luck to have the relationships I have. As much as things can go wrong for me at times, they really help me deal with it all. I just hope they know how much I care about them too.

I love you all, I hope you have a great day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

Sorry this is a little late. I kind of don't have a good read for the passage of time with my day-to-day life being what it is, especially when I'm feeling so fatigued and weak today. But that's okay!

There's of course still bad stuff on my mind, but there's some good things too—I turn 26 on the 21st and some friends of mine have already threatened me with terrorism, which is great. AND I start work and get to see my uncle soon, which is great!

He lives out of state and I don't really get to see him much sadly. This will be the first time in years; The first time since I've transitioned even.

He knows about it and was supportive, so I hope it'll go well.

I'm sure it well.

It's just difficult not to worry about it. But at least I start up work soon (Ideally next week!) and will be able to go to different, more exciting places again and save up some money.

And of course take care of some very important things. Responsibility is important too.

Still, I'm feeling good about it all. I hope everyone who happens to be reading this is having a good time too! And that if you aren't, I hope the bad times pass sooner rather than later.

Until then, as always, I love you all, have a great day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

As much as my time has been consumed no-lifing Library of Ruina, I have in fact still been going out and doing things now that I'm not sick.

Last week, I went to a party.

It was for Bastille Day. It was mostly an excuse to catch up with old family friends and get drunk, and boy was that a fantastic excuse!

I had a really good time too seeing people I hadn't in a long time. It was a little awkward as a result, but I did my best to ignore it.

I like to think I succeeded; It remains to be seen completely however. There was actually someone there who I've had a rather frosty relationship with for quite some time; I think we've started to thaw though, which is good!

It got me thinking about my in-person personal relationships quite a bit though. Namely, the fact that I don't really have them. It's for a lot of different reasons but I guess it ultimately amounts to not knowing how.

I think I'd like to change that.

It'd give me more reasons to get out of the house, even if my walks and trips just for these pictures are still quite fun. I feel like it'd be a good idea.

Work starts up for me in mid-August. Maybe I'll work out a budget and try to make friends at a bowling rink?

It's something I've had fun playing, but I've only really been able to on rare occasions. I'm sure I can try and figure something out; I might also see if there's any TTRPG groups in town who play games I like.

Though it might be worth it to just try and make more of an effort to hang out with the people I already know...

I'll figure it out.

As always, I love you all, have a good day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

The horrors are endless, but I remain silly.

One of my bosses finally got back to me to tell me 'they have no idea when work is starting actually, sorry!'

So at this point I'm just going to try and look for another.

It's not Ideal, but I actually really need to start making money soon for any of my future plans to come to fruition.

And I'm really not looking forward to having to prepare for interviews again and deal with the existential dread of waiting for responses though.

I was at least able to do that 'networking' thing a little with my boss who will give me an in with a company he used to work for, and I have other connections I can fall back on as well from that job.

It's just a matter of actually following through with those things.

It's really scary, but they are things I /have/ to do. Being stuck in place isn't really an option anymore. Doing anything at all is better than doing nothing, even if it's hard to muster the energy for it.

Especially since I turn 26 in a month.

For the non-USians, that means I'll be on my own when it comes to healthcare, and I'm disabled. I filed some things for that already but...we'll see what happens.

Until then, I'm just going to take it one day at a time.

I love you all, have a good day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

The only thing I did this week was go get my face zapped with a laser today. My grandma took me like she usually does and I had a nice morning out with her. Even if our conversations were tinged with just a hint of existential dread.

Dread caused by the march of time; She's in her 80's and I turn 26 in a little over two months.

For the non-Americans, that means I'll no longer be covered by my parent's health insurance plans. Don't worry, I'm filing for new ones already; It's just scary!

Because I don't know what my care will be like going forward with the options available to me. And time just keeps marching on regardless. I ruminated on memories I made with my grandma that were just ten years ago. 'Just' ten years ago.

It's hard for me to get my head around, I guess. Maybe if my life were more dynamic than it currently is...

Either way, I gotta make the most of it.

I should start by trying to learn new skills. I hope to one day edit this picture so the candle underneath Renko looks lit.

Editing in general would be a pretty nice thing to learn, and refining my photography would be good too. I kind of just run default settings on my Android. I should experiment more.

I'll figure it out.

I love you all, have a good day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

Sorry, all of these pictures are old. I just figured I should at least post something since I missed both last week and the week before because of how exceptionally awful my time has been lately.

Things are starting to look up a little bit now at least, and I've gotten just enough out of my own head about it to recover. Especially since work (FINALLY) stopped jerking me around and I start tomorrow.

That of course made other brainworms crop up, but I'm ignoring them. The only worry on my mind is finding a way to deal with the heat—It will be 92f (33c) tomorrow and I don't really have a lot of clothes for that.

That's of course, much cooler than it was earlier in the summer but it's still rather uncomfortable. I'll figure something out and it will mean I'm at least out of the house and out of my head.

And getting paid means I have flexibility again.

I'll be able to go to places without it being a massive pain in the neck or a worry of how I'm going to pay for it, for at least a few more months.

I won't overdo it of course. It's hard but I need to learn to be better with my money than I have before.

Especially if I ever want to get out of here and be able to make these posts in a place where I'm not bogged down with stress about things out of my control and can see the people I really care about.

I just have to keep my eyes on the prize, no matter how long it takes.

I'm not used to making long-term plans and sticking to them, but I can always learn. Telling myself otherwise would be a disservice to me and the people who care about me.

So until next week, I love you all, have a great day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

I did in fact manage to go out this week, though only barely. I wouldn't have without the impetus to get my mom's medication from the pharmacy. The Crohn's Complications from last week have trashed my sleep schedule once again though.

It isn't great, but what can you do? I at least haven't spent the late nights feeling lonely or sad though. I've been playing video games with a friend instead. It's a good distraction from lingering pain and discomfort and it's something I missed a lot.

That's something I've kind of neglected for awhile and I want to do more to fix it. I miss doing things with my friends.

Though...I'll definitely need to fix my sleep schedule for that to happen. For the most part at least.

Especially since I have some plans to run a TTRPG soon. I realized I won't be able to play a system I really love unless I run it by this point, so run it I shall.

I've never done that before, it seems pretty scary. But I'll learn how!

I plan on keeping it as a small group and being low-stakes about it. I don't want to go overboard and get in over my head with it all.

(For those who want to know; The system is Fabula Ultima. It's a really cool TTRPG inspired by traditional JRPGs!)

Most importantly though, I care about having a fun time with my friends; I think that should be enough for now. It doesn't need to be 'perfect' so long as I try for that goal.

I'm looking forward to it.

I love you all, I hope you have a good day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

This week has been a little down again lately, but I'm doing pretty good now. I at the very least have a good handle on my feelings and I'm making sure to have fun instead of wallowing in stressful things.

It feels good to be doing things with my friends more often. I highly recommend that.

I've also been having a ton of fun playing Shadows of the Erdtree. That has been mostly solo, but just hanging out with a friend in call while doing unrelated things is really fun.

I wish I lived closer to them so we could do so in person, but it is what it is. At least I'll be starting work again soon this month so I'll be able to afford going to see them again in the nearish future.

It'll definitely give me more freedom for these trips too.

I've been trying not to repeat the locations I go to (Though I probably should anyway at least sometimes) which means I've been running out of places I can go to without paying for anything. There's some pretty cool museums where I live; I want to go visit one of them soon.

Until then though, I'll have to make do. It will be at least a few weeks until I work again after all; even more to get my first paycheck.

I love you all, have a good day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

Yesterday I had the last infusion I'm going to get on my parent's insurance. It's kind of scary; I'm going to make triple sure that the paperwork is going through so I continue to have coverage.

This stuff is kinda life-changing and saving.

Like in hindsight, I basically almost died once because of something that wasn't diagnosed as a flare.

I won't go into detail, but I was getting a blood transfusion for three days straight because I only had a third as much as you need to live inside me.

That's not good!

It's been years since that happened though, or that I've felt pain from it at around 7+/10 instead of the 2-4 I do most often now.

And I hate that it might be taken away from me. I don't know what Medicare coverage will be like.

I'll supposedly stay with my providers...

But I have no idea how true that is or how much it'll suddenly cost.

And I have yet to hear back from my job still either; At this point I need to suck it up, update my resume, and send out applications.

And that's scary in its own right. But I have to at this rate.

I don't think I'll be able to go to school in January. Not with what I still have to pay and save for. But sometime next year, I'm going to do that. I owe it to myself to improve my situation.

I owe it to the people who care about me, which is why I am not Doomering.

Even though all of this stuff is really scary and uncertain and unknown.

It only gets worse if I try to close my eyes to it and look away. I've learned that enough from my mom, who is one of the reasons I'm in the mess I am. It doesn't work.

I need to be better than that.

Too many people care about me for me to do anything else. And I care about them too much in turn.

Life's stacked against me, but I hope that resolve is enough.

I love you all, I hope you have a good day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

I procrastinated this week's trip because I didn't have a working AC for most of the week. And when it did work I didn't want to leave...

Also, I suspect that today was not a good day to have gone out for me health-wise.

I won't go into too much detail (TMI) but I had a crohn's complication in the morning and I feel lightheaded and tired now when there's no good reason for me to be.

I guess that solves the question of whether I was going to attend a Pride event this weekend, eh?

You don't need to worry though. I'll be just fine. I always am!

I've gone through much worse too. I'll just lay down a lot tomorrow and take it easy. On the off chance that I have to though, I won't go on a trip next week.

So sorry if there's no Hifuumo Friday then!

I took double the amount of photos I usually do on this trip just in case. It was purely accidental though.

Even if it is a coincidence, it's still nice to have that backlog.

Anyhow, I went to the library near my house again!

The rose garden right next door was in full bloom still too. It was really beautiful. And I wasn't even the only person taking pictures in it either—though the other person was a mom with her small child, who I don't think even noticed me.

The actual library was pretty great though. If you don't have a library card you should definitely get one. I have two new books to read and I'm really looking forward to writing about them when I can.

I love you all, I hope you have a good day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone! Even if nothing much happened this week I'm happy to report that nothing bad did at least. I got a good expectation for when I start work (A few weeks from now) and a confirmation that I'm on public health insurance now, which is fantastic.

Because I turn 26 in five days. Really, the timing could not be better. I just need to call and confirm what my actual plan will be. And in the meantime I can just...relax until work starts up even if I would prefer it to be sooner rather than later.

I'm sure I'll find something to occupy my time—even if I beat Library of Ruina (I kind of no-lifed it last and this week...) there are still other games in my library to finish—but until then, I can just relax.

Though that's a bit hard tonight.

I'm meeting with my uncle and aunt for the first time in years tomorrow. I know it'll go well, but I can't help but to feel a little nervous about it.

I hope to have more pictures next week at least.

As always, I love you all, have a good day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

This week, I went to get a check-up at my hospital. I go there pretty often, but not for this. It was a fun trip!

I'm in pretty good health. My hormones look good, my blood pressure is 100/70, no (unusual) complaints about my crohns, etc.

It's nice to know all of these things. I try to not overcompensate coming from a family that really does not treat health seriously at all by becoming a hypochondriac so knowing that I'm OK is a blessing.

I could stand to lose a little weight though.

Which means I'm going to try and start calorie-counting soon and cut down on the junk food.

Besides, I've found a lot of it has stopped tasting as good to me recently?

I used to really like sweet candy. But all of that same candy now just...doesn't taste as good.

And it hurts my stomach to eat it, because I really need to learn portion control.

It's fine. I'm just glad I know this stuff earlier. I just have to make sure I actually do things about it and writing them down here helps!

I don't want to divulge the exact number here; I'm not /obese/ or anything (In fact, I'm only slightly overweight) but it's still more than I'd like.

I don't talk about it much, but I actually used to be really athletic when I was younger. I miss that time in my life.

The community center near me has a free gym. I think I'm going to take a look at it next week and look up what I have to do to get into exercising more. So long as I actually commit to it, things will be good.

I love you all, I hope you have a great day/night!

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

It's been a mostly quiet week for me. Save for a a visit to a speech therapist, not much happened because my sleep schedule being destroyed by a newfound Minecraft addiction.

In my defense, playing games with you friends is fun!!!

But what was nice is discovering that there was nothing actually wrong with my motor skills, they just weren't developed right.

A few months back on that trip to Seattle a friend noticed how I struggled to slurp the soup we were eating.

I thought it could have been a motor control problem and as it turns out it wasn't; I just don't know how to swallow puréed/slightly puréed substances!

The test that was done was with different foods, and the only one that I similarly struggled with was the apple sauce.

Both it and the soup triggered my gag reflex when I tried to swallow because I wasn't doing it properly. But otherwise, there was nothing actually /wrong/ with my swallowing motions. Since it wasn't a motor control problem the only way to learn is through trial and error.

This problem was a self-fueling one that started from "Well, she doesn't like to eat this kind of food" which resulted in me not eating that kind food, which resulted in me not learning how to eat that kind of food.

Which brings me to now, wanting to eat that kind of food.

Next time we go grocery shopping, I'm going to add different kinds of broths and get started with that. The speech therapist mentioned how she has a similar problem and actually drinks soup from a cup. I /probably/ won't do that but I'll keep it in the back of my mind.

I feel a little embarrassed about it, but I'd rather be embarrassed and learn than be stuck in the past, never growing or improving.

Next time, I want to be able to enjoy the soup with my friends.

But until then, I love you all, have a great day/night!