#hmm. poast

[captorations]

okay so re: lobster immortality there's got to be a way to crack this. like, they've done half the work already, yeah? they don't age, they grow until they are no longer able to muster the energy to shed.

i see three issues. the first is the square-cube law. proportional growth becomes exponential for volume and surface area. if allowed to grow indefinitely, a lobster will quickly find itself overly burdened by gravity. this can be fixed by launching it into space. an orbital aquarium, perhaps lunar as a temporary measure.

secondly, as the creature grows larger, it will likely require more nutrients than it can feasibly absorb. this is easily fixable through cybernetic implants, adding new methods of intaking nourishment as necessary.

and finally, the molting. the thing is that you can't just, like, help it molt when it can't do it by itself. it has to initiate the process, form an exoskeleton under its current one, or breaking its shell will kill it. you have to make its metabolism think it has enough energy to molt, then provide at least enough energy for it to actually manage the first part while you handle the second. the solution here is obviously cocaine. or the lobster equivalent of cocaine.

of course, a lobster under these conditions would still very likely take hundreds of years to grow. it would not be a project a single human could see through. unless they did something crazy like transfer their consciousness into the lobster's brain. but that's veering just a bit too far into the hypothetical.

so what i'm saying is that a cocaine-fueled cyborg titan lobster deployable from orbit may not be a benefit of being a marine biologist, but it *may* be a benefit of being a marine biologist's great-great-great-great-great-grandchild.

[omegalomania]

i think more people could stand to examine the insidious racism behind the compulsion to discredit fall out boy’s lyricism as inherently nonsensical and therefore somehow bad.

i think more people could also stand to examine the insidious racism behind the compulsion to make every single thing pete wentz has ever wrote to be about a perceived attachment to their white dude of choice.

i think maybe not enough people consider how fucking yikes it is to consistently pull that shit with a black artist’s work

[majimemegoro]

@unhingedselfships mentioned feeling intimidated that @skygayzer is following so now im just thinking about KadokuraPrime (version of kadokura who is somehow simultaneously A Crow’s Rise Kadokura and Kimiverse 2.0 Kadokura) stuck in a room with BOTH his victim/adopted daughter and his [?????? relationship undetermined] and all of them having to. deal with that scenario.

[laidtowait]

Cristabel when literally anything bad happens

[pyrefell]

in the time i have been gone i have:

started an innumerable amount of wips

lost a good amount of wips when my old phone died for forever

only managed to nickname the horror boys and like. 3. of the rest.

???

updated the tags nav page so they all work again with tumblrs new tag system

updated my rules page (mostly in the characters i write for section)

made dividers for the pfdh crossposts + MAYBE other posts that i may or may not use. lol. 🡣

theres a lot of stuff i want to either rewrite or just redux as a whole (ie. that personality post. finkin i wanna change things)

but. anyways. im trying now to let myself write little headcanon posts without feeling like it all needs to be a thought out story, yknow? wether they be xreader posts or not.

[smute]

Charlie goes to his crusty bedroom and reads his precious Moby-Dick essay one more time while glugging from a two-liter bottle of bed-Pepsi. We get to hear his favorite part of the essay: “The whale doesn’t have any emotions, he’s just a poor big animal.” As a fat person who has actually read Moby-Dick, even the “boring chapters,” THAT IS NOT WHAT MOBY-DICK IS ABOUT OR WHAT MOBY DICK THE WHALE IS LIKE AT ALL. Obviously we’re supposed to draw some parallel between Moby Dick the actual whale and Charlie the human whale, but, like, why? What shallow fucking bullshit! Can you even map one on top of the other at all? Has anyone ever read Moby-Dick and thought, “wow, what a pathetic loser” about the whale? The ungraspable phantom of life himself???? Thin people don’t think of fat people as powerful and inscrutable phantoms—they’re absolutely positive they can scrute everything about us, our “everything” being CHEESY BUGLES! Hence this movie!!!!! Don’t talk about my favorite book, DARREN. I don’t come to your house and explain The Mystery Method wrong! Anyway, then Charlie uses his cursed rusty mobility aids to turn out the light and go to sleep. Spooky!

[...] How do fat suits work? Does Brendan Fraser have to wear individual little sausage tubes on each finger? I can’t stop thinking about how many awards the visual effects people (or whatever department makes fat suits) are going to win for this. It’s like if I got a Nobel Prize for drawing a mean picture of your grandma. Also, for the record, I know the fat suit was really expensive, but it looks weird! It doesn’t hang right! He looks like the mascot for an NBA team called the Wichita Big Pile of Raw Chicken. Hmm, if only there was a way to depict a fat person in a movie without an expensive flappy silicon slug bag!

While Charlie is in the bathroom crying (really), Thomas shows up again and Ellie introduces herself: “What’s more surprising—that a gay guy has a daughter, or that someone actually found his penis?” Wow, once again, thank you so much to Darren Aronofsky and playwright Samuel D. Hunter for spending TEN YEARS on this extremely humanizing screenplay! I feel seen, unlike my own genitals!!!

Charlie is so moved that he goes, “You wrote these amazing, honest things… You’ve all been so honest with me. I just want to be honest with you too.” And then he TURNS ON HIS WEBCAM and SHOWS THEM HIS HUGE FACE AND BODY! All the students lose it and they’re grimacing and cowering before him and taking pictures of the screen, LOL, even though literally it just looks like a regular guy???????? It’s a Zoom square! It looks like a close-up of a guy’s face! No one would have any reaction to this! If there’s one thing this movie does perfectly, it’s trick thin people into telling on themselves about how uncomfortable they are around fat people!

Then Liz comes back and reveals that, LMAO, what happened to Alan is that he starved himself to death (kind of), and that’s why now Charlie has to EAT himself to death. Wooooooow, who wrote that brilliant juxtaposition? Grover??? Is this supposed to be profound? It's less nuanced than when people say “the terrorists hate our freedom”! Actually, you know what? This detail with Alan is the central problem with this entire movie: Being thin is not the opposite of being fat!!!!!!!! STARVING IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF EATING. Having a body is a complex state! [...] Then they clarify that actually Alan starved himself ALMOST to death and then jumped off a bridge. Jumping! The most thin-privilege way to die!

sorrynotsorry bout all the whale poasting but this review by lindy west was very cathartic for me! its a shitty movie and extremely triggering not just for fat people but anyone with any sort of complicated feelings around food and your own body tbh. so im sharing it here. butt news has a free subscription and lindy west is hilarious so. go read it and maybe read some other reviews too

[wernerwartzhog]

me: Hmm my dash is feeling a bit empty What Da HelIs going on

me a few moments later: oh right two thirds of my mutuals left this site five hundred years ago and the rest seem to have made new blogs or changed their urls so i can't identify them anymore

I feel Old And Confused but This Shall Not Stop Me From Finding New Cool and Nice 🅱️eople to Interact™️ with. Keep it Fræsch. Maybe Start Getting Used To actually sharing things again and not just incessantly reblog funy poasts. That Would Be Cool.

[folimoli]

hmm love reading a poast about computer hardware thats wrong and gonna get ppl to waste their money

[kata4a]

well hmm, i think ur hot and i like it when my poasts turn you on but i don't think any of that is a secret

😇

[lovelanguageisolate]

Optimistically, I know I'll never master 95% of what I learn about thoroughly enough to make a concrete, material difference in the world. In fact, I would consider 5% a high-scoring life for myself.

The most truly Ascended thing about my autodidacticism is this: I'm actually okay with this! The vistas I've opened up, the breadth of human achievement I've gotten to see for myself gives me a peace I can get nowhere else.

When things challenge me in the wrong ways, I can treat myself with new things to learn about, confident there will always be more such things.

While realizing how hard things actually are to do murders the inner child that wanted to do everything, it gives me great aesthetic appreciation for the complexity and difficulty of life. So many people have actually been cathedral builders who never lived to see the fruits of their work.

And that gives me permission to like myself a little more despite being shitty at board games, poasting, various aspects of my job, relationships, co-existing with adulthood...hmm, actually, maybe this Ascendence is bad.

Well, umm, too late, I think.

[morganpdf]

hmm. i should tag the boop poasts

[absul]

kindof a continuation on my tags on that last poast bcoz i don't want to unintentionally yap in OPs ear any more than i already have but. i just think it's funny. how ppl will scrutinize us(nonbinary ppl) if we don't dress 'right.' if we don't look 'right.' and by that i mean 'impossibly androgynous for the majority of the population' and by 'impossible' i mean thin, i mean pale, i mean conveniently attractive by european standards. bcoz that's what those ppl basically ALWAYS mean when they say androgynous. they mean both man and woman, except not TOO woman bcoz then you're just a woman, and mostly man but also not TOO man bcoz then you're just a man.

and isn't it funny how they will do this all while also saying we aren't 'technically' trans for whatever bullshit reason they pull out of their ass that day. meanwhile garden variety bigots will say the exact same to any trans person, no matter their specific identity, nonbinary or not. and isn't it funny how we basically ALL go through this scrutinization, even if it might be in ever so slightly different ways for each of us. or not so different ways.

almost like….the trans community was made….to include ALL of us….for some reason…….. hmm i can't quite put my fingie on it. hmmmmmm. it is such a mystery

[halflifesilly]

hmm. maybe i too will post some old hlvr poasts <3

[kuja-kujaku]

I get a new follower. I get excited, oh who is interested in my posts? My beautiful poasts??

Violentpocket… must be a real person hmm

Except I am fooled again. Computer Girl, get thee gone lest I rend thine wretched tits asunder

[schwaybatmoved]

do you guys want me to post my make up my heart cover here? :0

[nukapiss]

post-BB danse: fuck them kids