#honestly fuck them they're either in a toxic relationship. wont walk to their partner even if they live together and/or are twice divorced

[newvegasceo]

im in my late 20s, single, neither aro nor ace simply fine being single and not crippled by the need to be with somebody or else, about to fully move out on my own and cut myself away from my family for good and planning to adopt 2 cats in the process. old spinster cat lady jokes from my relatives incoming

[disanddatmedia]

So, normally i would say the connection that you have to family but by the sounds of how your mom is, lets say a good family member/friend that youre really close to

so as I said, a partner should be someone that is like your best friend but with some extra

relationships (of all kinds) can be broken down into 3 parts: friendship, emotional, physical

friendship: this is pretty easy but it essentially being able to get along with, trust in, have some similar interests, and you have some protective instinct (like not wanting them hurt) towards them (at a basic level), you hang out with them at times and talk to them and whatnot, this is pretty easy, you might find yourself hugging them or high5ing them, maybe even dance innocently with at times.

the other 2 build on top of friendship.

Physical: this is a physical attraction towards the person, now to basically sum it up is, this is things that you won't typically do with a blood relative (we are not Alabama, so we aint counting them in this xD, sorry for the bad joke). this has a few grey areas but that is something that gets cleared up by communicating with a new partner about this (like "hey where does 'x' fall under")

emotional: this is the harder one but hopefully you will understand after this. emotional is all in the mind and non-physical interactions. so this is like: interests lining up really well, personalities being compatible (so being able to get along really well and can even play on one another), the protective instinct (wanting to help them, wanting to make sure they're okay, wanting to make sure they safe), wanting to do things for them, you think of them when you're not around them, you miss them (whether that be in person or talking to them) and so on and so on, it basically takes parts of mental and personality parts of a friendship and ups it more

now, you can arrange these to make different types of relationships, so:

friendship=regular friend

friendship+physical=friends with benefits

friendship+emotional=best friends/close family (assuming they are good family, bad toxic family dles not fall unddr here)

physical=causal/one night stand

physical+emotional= crush (not to a friend), well this makes a bad relationship if it doesn't add friendship honestly, you need that friendship part, so ill say toxic relationship if it develops without friendship

emotional= this is the weird one, ill say... family that you're not close to but care for, like you're not going out to hangout with them but if something happen you be sad still

and now, all 3= relationship/partner. When this is reach it expands on all 3 as well.

so love, what the fuck is love then? love falls under friendship and emotional (not physical)

so under friendship, its an platonic love, like that caring for them, enjoying time together, missing them at times, etc. and under emotional, well it actually really needs both friendship and emotional, so it would expand and be more intense for things that a friendship has.

some say that you get butterfiles in your belly and some say you cant them off your mind, and some say its you get reminded of them everywhere, but those dont last forever even if you're in love with them, so lets not think of those, instead lets grab to other things (non toxic trails obviously, im not leading people into a toxic one)

so that person is who you feel very safe around and find comfort in

you enjoy your time with them

you are happy around them (even with depression but its more of a break from depression)

you feel like you can be yourself around them without Judgement

you and your partner are a team, so you both work together to reach your collective and individual goals and help one another/support each other

you flirt with each other (that can be dirty jokes to complements and joking around in ways that are for you two)

you complete each other (i know people say this without explanation so what they mean is if you think of it like if you were writing music and you write something but something is missing, so you think of it and then someone comes along and gives you what your sound has been missing this whole time and you also give that thing that they were missing from their sound so now you both make this beautiful sound that without the other, you wont have known.)

you want to have a future together (whatever that intails)

you want to share your live with them

you want to show them things that you did

you either understand or have similar love language (how you express it and yes you have one too because this can be extended to friends as well at times, so everyone h a love language)

you trust them enough to tell them stuff (includes secrets/trauma stuff)

when something good/bad happens to them you feel what they feel as well

you do things for them/inspired by them

and theres more.

the love language is the way that you should love (romanticly or friendship/family) is how you should said love to them, theres primary ones and secondary ones (i.e. most common and not as common), they are not the same between person to person and they can be different on how its expressed towards different groups, so for me for example some of mine would be ( btw, 'ff'=family/friend and r=romanticly, romanticly will also have parts or include all that are label 'ff' but not the other way around)

sending memes/tiktoks etc. (ff)

helping them (ff)

doing things for them (ff)

making things for them (more R but can be ff, depends on the thing i guess)

"loves ya (too)" (ff)

"(I) love you (too)" (R) (notice that ff has an "s" at the end and uses "ya", its how i differate, im weird i know)

showing music/movies to with (ff, tho while there might be limits on this, R has no limits)

touch (hugs, high5s, fist bumps, comforting pat/hold, basic dancing) (ff)

touch (hand holding, dancing of all types (and will be the first choice always), kissing, etc.) (R)

cooking for them (ff)

staying up super late for/with them (ff)

enjoy talking to them/talk to them alot (ff)

and memories made, which ill explain upon in a bit

anyways, im sure theres more BUT! when in an relationship, the "ff" are very common and are more prominent and the "R" are included (where they may (depending) not be included in a friendship)

if you are to say "I love you" to someone it should feel natural, mind you, the first time saying it to someone/saying it back for the first time can be absolutely terrifying, lots of anxiety, heart pounding, nervous as all hell as you not only await for the response but also say it out loud to them to see how that feels for you yourself and hey if the stars align you get the response you hope for and the feeling you wanted and its like when you beat a really hard boss in a game or when you finally get down that hard song you were trying to learn.

memories, why is this separated? its because it is what makes relationships stronger, you gotta make memories to make it stronger (its really not hard honestly). While it is applied to all types, a relationship itself deepens that feeling of love, and expands even more on all of those trails in each of the 3 parts of the relationship, which means it makes the relationship feel more better than before. Also if one remembers something small or important from awhile ago and show they remember later it can make one feel very special.

now, theres the chemical part of "love". there are 4 main chemicals that is associated with love, funny thing, you can feel these without love, however, when in love these chemicals are easier to reach and easier to combine, this is where the reference "love is addictive/love is a drug" comes from, the 4 main chemicals are: dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin. Also know as: pleasure/reward, satisfaction/importance, enjoyment/pain relief (not strong but a little), and love/connection (also known as the cuddle hormone). being around/talking to this person you love can be enough to trigger any or multiple of these chemicals and if you're having a bad day, being around this petson can help ease the rough day due to the emotional attachment and these chemicals being released when needed to balance out.

(insert the 2 photos talking about these chemicals)

now, you might be wondering "I hear alot of songs that talk about love but I can't relate." And well if you want lets listen to some and well analyze them with this document ive made

-sing your heart out, the trews (song about the feeling of love, like how one would be)

-loveless, said the whale (how love grows)

-man of two minds, the trews (when you crush on 2 different people)

-agape, bear's den (when you fear losing someone you love romanticly)

-perfect, amy hef (feeling like you found someone perfect)

-shut up and dance, walk the moon (the chemical rush of love)

so in summary, love is this magical and confusing thing, where its elements of friendship, emotional, and physical components all together to make all of it stronger and better, its like a best friend that you can be closer to, someone that is like positive family, your other half that without, you dont grow the way that you want to grow (like you learn about yourself and learn new things and have a support system), a physical partner that knows you well and wants to do well by you, an cocktail of strong chemicals that can make people crazy and wonderful, and something absolutely beautiful feeling. I hope that you are able to feel this feeling one day, its wonderful, and if you do feel this feeling, i hope that it is with someone positive and wonderful for you :)

(insert playlist songs to analyze and compare)

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKRwutKPPfjUFLawhNJ_jCSfAs9wxSRzP