#honestly he's so . ccute

[girljeremystrong]

MTL@TOR - 8.04.2023

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary261

6/4-5/24

tuesday - wednesday

instead of going to work today i just quit.

for multiple reasons and maybe it's slightly irresponsible of me to not do this last week but idk. or maybe i do know. but really i don't think that's what has me anxious, it's the change and other stuff. today the guy was supposed to fumigate but when he told my gf he'd be here on tuesday, what that meant was, literally around here on tuesday, and that we actually had to go to the office and sign a form and stuff to get our shit fumigated. really frustrating!!!!!!!!!!! he did not mention that to her at all and we had to buy our own bug spray and shoot it into a bunch of places and hopefully that helps things for now until he comes next week.

but i went out w/ my gf and her mom today, since she came to get us out of the house while the fumigation took place, but it didn't, but it will next week, so i guess we're going out for something like this next week as well.

i just worked on one more song... too. yayee.

honestly though i am so suddenly anxious and it upsets me a lot. i want to be free of work. i don't like my stupid mind. i get freaked out by anything changing. it wrecks me, idk why, this is a good change for me i think i just need to remember how to be busy at home, and take care of things at home, keep busy,,, in that way. cook and clean. but cooking is a horror show with the bugs it makes me want to die die die.

anyway, aside from the wanting to die (die (die)) i just played some elden ring because the dlc is coming soon (i also just bought (preordered (is that...dumb?) it... i put some tips into the bank today alongside the check i just got (there is one more coming too (will be tiny i think))). i just kind of wandered around, i really am just waiting to get back into these new areas and stuff. some of the new stuff i am seeing is really exciting. i hope i can find a way to share my screenshots easily , or something, when i find cute clothes in the game.

speaking of cute clothes, thinking of what i need to do w/ my last paycheck(s), i wonder if i'll be able to do that or not. it's not even high on my priority list i'm just wondering i guess if i'll do that or not.

i just dled another plugin, some free stylophone sound, which is very fun to have. just a very classique and hideous sound, perfect for the kinds of things i like, very chintzy and 60s-y to me. maybe more 70s but just look at it (i also have one from my gf (it was hers but now it's mine (ours...))))

such a ccute machine.

anyways i can't stay up too late, i know i have 0 job now but i can't lose control, in that way, i think.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[at-the-end-of-the-day-and-always]

J U N E

June 1 2017; 2:57 am

Putangina na-love nanaman ako... huhuhu gago kinikilig talaga ako pag ganon!!!!! Puñeta. 😭😂 Today we went out and then ended up hanging out with Alex and Wil. I like your friends, they're nice. Pero puta mamaya ko na gagawin 'to. 3:03 na and I'm so antok na. HAHAHAHA I love you!

Part two; 2:30 pm

So ayun nga, last night was fun. I enjoyed talking to them. Mostly Wil kasi kami lang nakaupo e HAHAHA. You know me naman, daldal is always good for me. So like, no big ganaps, chill chill lang ganon. I texted Alex pa ng, e. I thanked her hahaha. Wil din sana buuut I have no contact with him pa e hahaha. Thank you for introducing me to people — specifically your friends. Wala lang, nakakatuwa. Kasi I get to be, in a sense, more part of your life than I already am. It's cute hehe. Thank you.

Part three; 6:23 pm

Okay so before your board broke, I saw you skate a bit pa and putangina, why the hell and how the hell do you look more gwapo??? Tangina it's so ehsjdixjdidkd. HAHAHAHA. Gwapo ka, yun na yon. Yoko na mag elaborate. 😂 So anyway, went with you to John's and omg I'm sorry for ditching you, ish, to catch up with Kat. Sorry babe!!!! Minsan lang naman HAHAHA. Pati you were with sila John naman so yay hahaha.

Part four

It's 2:28 am and I'm doing this muna before I sleep. So ayun, nag heart to heart kami ni Kat and we talked about so much things, bitin pa nga. Kat told me, she commented na “tangina Nyks yung last na kita natin pati ngayon, isa lang ulit sasabihin ko; seryoso ka talaga kay Kirby noh?” And she was rambling about how she's so happy for me, she's glad I have you, and I finally found someone to finally invest more than one thing with. Kasi nga it's the first time na ganito ako with a guy, let alone a boyfriend. So wala, thank you. I super appreciate everything that you've been doing for me. More than I've let you know, more than I show. Kat told me din na at some point, we'll fight and I know that naman. Like I said, I'm not scared if we argue. That's normal naman, it's inevitable. Things won't always have a good flow but eyyyy, we got this!!! I know we do. So yeah, yun lang!! Hehe. And I noticed that lately, almost everyday ako nagawa ng notes na ganito. Wala, share lang. HAHAHAHA. I love you! ☺️ So much. 😌

June 2-3 20177:19-7:26 pm

You said na you're leaving. Obvious naman na we're not in good terms right now. Ikaw naman kasi??? You said na you're tinatamad and want to sleep, tapos you're going pala. Now, we're okay na. Pinuntahan mo ako here sa room and made me aya to go with you to sila Alex. And I appreciate the surprise, babe. I really do. Pero, sinabi mo sakin, like now lang, na you don't feel too good pala. Your back hurts. Edi sana you stayed home and rest, diba? You should've told me na ganun din, para hindi ka na namin pinapunta. I would love to spend as much time as I can with you. That's what I want naman. Pero, sleep mo nga, I don't wanna compromise it, yun pa kayang you're not feeling well physically? Sabihin na natin na kaya mo, fine. Nothing too big, okay. Pero diba, point ko, I'd want to have you rest as much as I can. Kung kaya naman i-put on hold yung other things, especially if it involves going to me/going somewhere with me/doing something for me, go. Take care of yourself din muna no matter how much you think na you'd rather do other things. It's for you din naman e. Okay???? I'm sorry for getting annoyed nalang din, medyo OA na yun. Pero yun nga, I just want you in a good shape lang naman e. But thank you for making up with me, and bringing me out to hang with you and sila Alex. I appreciate it.

12:54 am

Thank you for treating me the way you do kahit sometimes, we don't always jump on the same page immediately. Awhile ago Kat made me realize din na we may not fight, like a huge ass fight na we get so angry and shit, pero we get annoyed with each other at some point. And she pointed it out na if ever we really do have a misunderstanding, we can handle it naman. Kasi with (little) things like this, we're able to handle it well and immediately naman. So what more if we're in a situation that needs more attention from us, diba? So yeah, wala lang. Thoughts/realizations lang, ganun. I don't always say it but hopefully it's obvious naman, pero I'm always here lang. Always always always

June 5 2017; 12:43 am

Kinikilig nanaman ako sa sinabi mo huhu HAHAHAHA. You made kwento about what Alex and Wil said kasi and na si Jasper, gusto ako maka-close HAHAHA wala, tuwa ako. I wanna befriend them not just because they're your friends but because I like their personality and all din kasi talaga.  Anyways, you feel sick nanaman na ewan. Take care of yourself!! Siyempre diba iba pa din kapag ikaw nag-aalaga sa sarili mo. For the record, I love taking care of you. Kahit na sometimes you're so lazy nalang din talaga. Hahaha. But yeah, I don't mind. It's fun naman. I do it because I want to and because I can. So, yeah. Short daldal lang from me todaaay hahaha. Feel better, babe!!!! I'll always be here to take care of you whether you're sick or nor, whether you need me to or not, whether you want me to or not. Here lang me alays. :)) I love you!

June 6 2017; 3:21 am

I love you!! It's so cute na you made vm pa na you love me HAHAHA. I was annoyed until 5 minutes ago. You legit turned my frown upside down hahaha. I was a bit frustrated na kasi e. Di ako makatulog ulit. But thanks to yoooou, I'm in a better mood. Hahaha. 😂9:09 pmBakit ganon tuwing wala akong ginagwa na ccute-an ka lagi... HAHAHAHA. Wala lang, it's amusing na ewan.

June 7 2017; 4:44 am

Ano ba talaga, ha? I don't feel good na nga, ganyan ka pa. Lalo akong nagagago dito. ._. Di ko maintindihan kung galit ka o ano. Bahala ka nalang muna diyan. ._.5:19 amAnd just like that, okay na tayo. Kasi naman!!! Super nakakatunaw nalang talaga when I read your messages na nag eexplain ng whatever. You're ma-drama but it's okay, I am din naman. 8:45 pmI miss you na. Legit this is the only thing for this part... HAHAHA. Why am I so clingyyyyyy. I shit you not, I wasn't like this talaga before.

June 8 2017; 3:04 am

Times like this where I wish I can do something to make shit easier for you talaga. I know I don't have to, I don't need to. But I want to. Sometimes kasi it seems like you carry so much weight on your shoulders and I just want to try to make shit easier for you. Not completely, yeah. But at least nababawasan. It sucks na I can't do a shit ton of things but I swear, I'm always here for you lang talaga. I promise you can count on me.

June 9 2017; 2:27 pm

I'm almost done with my pamper shit and Alex said na she's gonna go to me here sa SM. I'm kind of nervous kasi it's my first time to be alone with her. Baka mainis sakin or smth. Alam mo naman ako pag nag-umpisang dumaldal, e. 😭😂 But getting with her, smooth sailing naman conversation. It started with one topic tapos for sone reason, dami na namin napag-usapan agad. To the point where we couldn't continue talking kasi we were with Jasper na, ibang topic na. 😂

1:27 am, June 10

And honestly it was fun. I like Alex. She's really nice and genuine also. It's not hard to talk to her or be open about opinions, and I appreciate that. You know me naman kasi HAHAHA. Same with Jasper. He's really cool and chill, nakakatuwa. So far, it's him and Alex I'm close(?)-ish to. Ayoko naman pangunahan sila or mag assume kaya may question mark pati ish. HAHAHA. Thank you for introducing me to them. Thank you for choosing to make me a part of your life even more, and a little bit more every day. You make me feel so loved and special, it makes my heart flutter. I love you.

June 10 2017; 11:15 pm

I'm wearing your hoodie again and boiiii it smells so good talaga, pota. For some reason your scent's so comforting. I just love it. Pero naiinis ako kasi sinisipon ako, di ko maamoy hoodie mo. 🙄 HAHAHA. High key praying for a gloomy/rainy weather tomorrow so I have a bugger excuse to use your hoodie out and about. Hehe. HAHAHAHA. Feel better, baby boy! 😜 You're sick nanaman kasi, hay nako. I won't always be there to take care of you pa naman.

June 13 2017; Around 8:13-9:30 pm

From sitting behind me to sitting in front of me to me sitting on your lap na. 😂 My legs are like, wrapped around you na while we're sitting down. I feel so smooth every time I get to type shit and you're around. Lol.

June 14 2017; 1:44 am

Anyway, I love you. I love you and thank you for deciding to be a part of my life the way that you are right now. For hugging me just because you feel like it, for telling me I'm cute just because you find me so, for holding my hand and kissing the back of it, just because you want to. For pulling me closer even though I'm fairly close to you already just because you can. For telling me that you love me because you do. I'm just really thankful na you're there. Most, if not all, of these dated notes probably have the whole "thank you" vibe and prolly repetitive or whatever but who caaaares. Yun nga point ko for this, para alam mo na-ffeel ko and thoughts ko. So yun. I don't say it all the time pero I hope once you read these, you realize na I value you din talaga. Di naman kasi ako 100% expressive/vocal with everything. Dinadaan ko lang sa "cute mo" comments or whatever. Basta talaga when you read these, hay nako kiligin ka nalang sana. HAHAHA.

June 17 2017; 7:02 am

Omg ka talaga HAHAHA. You're the sweetest, I swear. :(( I love you so much!!! I don't do the whole "so much" thing often but ahhhh I love you so much talaga, swear hahaha. Honestly I cried. 😂 Kasi it's just so heartwarming to know these things. Sometimes kasi I feel like I haven't done/don't do as much for you pero every time na you suddenly do your long/string of messages, I feel and see na I'm able to do shit for you naman pala without having to actually do something. Super nakakatuwa na ganun pala kasi ganun ka din sakin e hahaha. You do a lot for me without having to actually do something. So wala, eto, thank you ulit. Thank you for everything. I love you.

June 20 2017; 8:45 pm

Naiiyak ako. Naiiyak ako kasi kanina parang ang cold mo na ewan. I understand pero nabigla nalang din ako. It scares me kasi pag ganun. When someone I'm close to grows cold/distant all of a sudden. Then kasama ko pa physically. Wala, scary talaga yun for me hahaha. Eventually, I know na maiiyak ako. I hope you're okay enough. Alam ko naman na you're probably upset and whatnot. But yun, I hope you're okay enough.11:30 pmGago eto na, umiiyak na ako. HAHAHAHA. Hay, grabe. Alam mo, sobrang love kita. Habang tumatagal, lalo kong na-rrealize yun and lalo ko na-ffeel. And I'm not complaining naman (wag ka din mag complain, di ka dapat mag complain. HAHAHA). There's nothing bad about it naman. Kanina Kat told me something along the lines of “don't justify or make excuses for his actions just because you love him” and I know that naman. It's just that on my end, it's me choosing to fight you back with understanding rather than also doing something that would cause more damage than good. Kunwari you get annoyed, I won’t make patol and go get annoyed din. I’ll

June 21 2017; 4:17 am

Okay na tayo!!! I mean, it's not that we weren't okay. But like, ayun — drama drama (don't take it in a bad way) lang hahaha. Naiyak ako nung binasa ko message mo. Hehe. I was talking to Richard pa and gago!!!!! I thought you were gonna break up with me, puta HAHAHA. Stopped breathing for like 30 seconds. 😂 I skipped agad sa dulo to see how the message would end and I was so relieved to see the “I miss you babe” sa dulo. HAHAHAHA. Tangina moooo. 😂 Sobrang mini(????) heart attack moment nun, bwiset. Pero ayun, naiyak nga ulit ako. I was mumbling the message to myself, forgetting na I was talking to Richard. Actually mid-first paragraph palang, teary eyed na ako. Honestly sometimes super baba talaga kasi ng luha ko HAHAHA. Then ayun naiyak ako ng tuluyan nung sinabi mo na you realized it wasn’t something, it’s me. Wala, sorry, mababaw talaga girlfriend mo minsan. HAHAHAHA. Hay, I love you. I mean all my “I'm here for you no matter what”s, okay? I’m here lang and I’m not going else where, no plans going anywhere. Count on that talaga. I’m glad you messaged me. I’m glad na we got to talk before we both slept. I had plans messaging you din naman kaso pag patulog na ako para di ako kabahan sa replies mo or whatever. HAHAHAHA. Abnormal din kasi ako e. 😂 Pero yun!!!!! Glad that we ayt. :))

June 22 2017; 12:30 am

You hung up to eat. I'm eating magoes. Lol, wala. Share lang. I'm just happy na kahit papano you're okay naman. I know shit's hard for you talaga basta always remember nalang na I’m one of the people in your life who will always want you to be in a good place and help you be there also.

1:37 am

Parusa ba? HAHAHAHA wawa ka naman, okay lang yan. Mapapalitan mo din yang vape juice mo. Sobrang funny kasi nag ccomplain ka na talaga HAHAHAHA.

June 23 2017; 4:42 am

Napaisip lang ako bigla... comfy na din pala talaga tayo with each other noh? You're playing Shape of You kasi and wala. I remember that day sa Starbucks one time with sila Arianne. April 5. Omg yes, I remember talaga HAHAHA. Pero yun nga. Wala lang, ang fun, ang cute. I love you!!! Sobrang sanay na ako sayo, promise HAHAHA. May times na parang naiinis ako pero swear, hindi. Parang ano... I can't explain e. Basta pag nainis talaga ako or nagalit, di ko naman ako madadaan agad sa mga lambing mo e HAHAHA. Pero ayun, I don't think naman magagalit ako sayo e. Or maiinis big time. I think not. Maybe it's just me pero yun feeling ko e. Hahaha.

June 24 2017; 4:56 am

Finally done reorganizing and transferring this whole note thing from notes to here sa evernote. You’re currently trying to sleep for the second time. It sucks to hear na the chances of you not enrolling is high. I can only imagine the burden you feel and to me, it feels heavy. What more pa kaya with you? The one who's going through all this. Like what you said, I make shit easier for you just by being there for you and I stand by it. I'm here lang. Tangina nagsawa ka na siguro i-read 'tong notes thingy kasi puro “i’m here” nalang nababasa mo HAHAHAHAHA. Pero kasi yun totoo e. Andito lang naman akoooo. I won’t always be able to do (concrete) shit pero I’m here. I won’t et tired of telling you na I’m here lang beside you just as much as you tell me na you won’t get tired of telling me na you love me and all that (That too, won’t get tired of telling you na love kita. Hehe, love you!).7:07 amYa girl hasn’t slept and well, I ain’t sleeping no more, lol. I just remembered the whole scenario last night sa Tropical where you told me na nakatago ketchup sa ilalim ng bed, dun hahanapin ng anak natin. Di ko talaga tanggap kung bakit sa ilalim ng bed???? HAHAHAHA. Hanap ka ibang place, gagu.

June 26  2017; 3:56 am

I’m about to sleep palang and I just wanna say hi. So hi. HAHAHA. I love yoooou. Thank you for being here.

June 27 2017; 11:59 pm

Kilig :(( HAHAHAHA hay. I love you! 🤗 I'm glad na you're going to enroll. You deserve that. Basta umayos ka this school year ha!!!! HAHAHA. Forreal tho, ya girl's glad. :)) Thank you for today!! Today was one of those days na sobra sobra ko na-ffeel na love mo ako. I mean, sobra ko naman na-ffeel today but today was one of those “extra” days. Extra feels, ganern. When you fucken sang Perfect while you were tryna feel better from palpitating. Ded. 😩 HAHAH. The moment also where you told me na you listen to Runnin' Home To You when you're sad tas you think of me. Ded agen. 😩😂 Then!!!! The “wag ka nang umasa na papakawalan pa kita.” The “everything i want and i need, is with you.” and tangina your bet with Ivan ha... HAHAHA. It's so comforting to know na even though you know there's no gurantee you can say na you and I will last long because same. I want us to last the longest possible.

June 29 2017; 3:43 pm

I miss you?????? Tangina HAHAHAHA. Nakakaiyak, ang clingy ko. 😭😂 I'm so not like this talaga. Hay the things you do to me. 😂

June 30 2017; 5:13 am

It's 5:13 in the morning, and I haven't slept. A good sleep, at least. I fell asleep for an hour??? Or so and woke up and deadass couldn't go back to sleep. You seem to be sleeping well, I'm glad. I hope you are. I'm reading a book. I'm reading a book and it made me think of you. The guy character reminds me of you. How he treats the girl, the thoughts he has and whatnot. He reminds me of you.