#hotch yelling at people early season edition

[littlecarmine]

AARON HOTCHNER | INTERROGATIONS 

[uncpanda]

The Ties that Bind: Lauren Part 2

AN: Here is the continuation of last week’s cliff hanger. I really hope you guys love this as much as I do! 

AN: This episode is an AU of the season 6 episode 18 episode Lauren. I hope you enjoy it!!

AN2 : Huge SHOUT OUT to the following people who helped brainstorm and edit this chapter @hotforhotchner11 @originalsoulduck @hotchinkevlar

Warnings: None that I can think of

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

Master List and Part 1 

You’re lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. The fan is making a soothing noise, just loud enough to drown out Aaron’s soft snores, but not nearly loud enough to drown out the intrusive thoughts in your head. You had said yes. You were engaged. You are going to marry Aaron Hotchner; the man you love. And yet . . . ? 

It’s not the first time you’ve heard those four words. In fact you’ve heard them twice before. Once from your high school boyfriend at his graduation party where you had said no, grabbed Spencer and promptly went home and locked the door. And then from Joel; after the woman had left, there had been a hasty love declaration followed by an impromptu marriage proposal all while he pulled on his boxers. You had stared at him in shock. You’d been appalled but Joel had seemed to think it was excitement. He’d been dangling that carrot in front of you for years. You’d thrown a book at his head and yelled no at him. 

And now? Now the man you love, and there’s no doubt that you love him, is standing in front of you, in an unimaginable pain after just losing his friend, and is asking you to marry him. And you want to spend the rest of your life with Aaron. You really do. Hell, the two of you had discussed marriage and kids and houses more than once while laying in bed at night. 

 now that he’s actually asking,  you can’t help but think that he’s doing it for the wrong reasons. You wonder if this engagement, marrying you now, is just something to ease the hurt. You’re terrified that he’s going to wake up one day and decide he rushed into things and want to take a step back; you’re fairly sure that would be the thing to break you. You’d find a way to put the pieces back together again, you always did, but the thought terrifies you. You’ve never loved anyone the way you love Aaron. And 99% of the time that’s an amazing feeling, but right now, it has you near tears. 

The next few days leave you truly exhausted. Between Emily’s funeral, Spencer’s grief, Aaron’s grief, and even Jack’s grief there’s not a ton of time to dwell on your intrusive thoughts. They usually come at night when you’re trying to sleep. Aaron asks you more than once if you’re okay, and you know it's bugging him that he can’t figure out what’s wrong, but you don’t want to seem silly with your fears. While he’s normally excellent at breaking down your barriers this one seems to be a stronghold. 

Eventually, you need a break. You need to work things out. You need space. So you kiss Aaron as he walks out the door to work. You take Jack to school, and kiss him goodbye, and then you head to your favorite bookstore. It’s the same one you and Aaron had gone to in the early days of your friendship. Now the two of you liked to bring Jack here on the weekends. 

It’s empty, which is to be expected for a weekday, and head to the back where the sofas and reading tables are. You settle at a table, take out your notepad and start writing all of your insecurities, questions, and thoughts down. Your hand is starting to cramp when you finally finish. You set it down and start twisting your wrist. Then you look up and let out a startled yelp. 

Spencer gives you a funny look, “I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes. If I was a serial killer I could have kidnapped you or killed you or a variety of things by now.” 

You don’t have the strength for this. “What are you doing here Spencer? How did you find me?” 

“Somethings going on with you. I noticed. Garcia noticed. Will noticed. Jess noticed. Hotch hasn’t said anything, but I’m sure he’s noticed. JACK has noticed.” 

You wince, “Jack noticed?” 

“He asked why you’re not smiling as much. The rest of us are wondering the same thing. I’m also wondering why you haven’t been sleeping.” 

“Who says I haven’t been sleeping.” 

“The gallon of concealer under your eyes.” You scowl and gently kick his leg as he takes a sip of his coffee.

“I need to get friends who aren’t so observant.” 

 “I’m a profiler. I’m trained to observe. What’s going on?” You give him a look. “What?”

“Don’t sit there and act like you haven't been reading my notes.” 

He smiles and nudges your leg, “You’re getting married.” You hesitate. “Maybe not? Did Hotch. . .” 

“He proposed the same day Emily died.” 

And your brother, your genius brother- who knows you just as well as you know him- catches on, “Now the notes make so much more sense. You’re worried he’s rushing something to make him feel better. You’re worried he’ll look back and have regrets.” 

“I’m worried about a lot of things.” 

Spencer takes another sip of his coffee, 

“You need to talk to him. Tell him this stuff. From what I hear, that’s how relationships work.” 

You bite your lip, “Not once, since we became friends, have I ever felt like I couldn’t tell him how I felt. Not once. And then he proposed and I was so happy. I was so excited. And then I was trying to fall asleep and all of these . . . . worst case scenarios kept popping up. Memories, horrible memories, kept resurfacing. Diana and William never had any real communication from what I can remember and that led to ruin. 

“With Bryan I was so young. I just . . . I knew marrying him wasn’t right. With Joel, I just wanted to be normal and he offered me that.” 

“Joel?” It’s like a record scratch. “When the hell did Joel propose?” 

“About thirty seconds after his mistress left. He did it right after declaring his love for me, and all while pulling on his boxers. I stared at him with my jaw dropped, I couldn’t believe the audacity. He thought I was excited. I threw a book at him, and then he turned it on me. Said I was lucky a doctor of his stature was even looking my way. After all, I was only a teacher and I came with SO much baggage.” 

Spencer curses, “You know . . . I didn’t think it was possible to hate Joel even more than I do, but you just proved me wrong. If Hotch ever finds out about that, he’ll kill him. Hell, I’m close.” 

You nudge him again, “Focus.” 

He shakes his head, “Right. There are big differences between Hotch and both of those idiots. We’re not even going to touch Bryan. He didn’t do any major damage. Mom and Dad? They did tons. We both know that. And Joel? Well, if I saw him running down the street on fire I wouldn’t offer him a glass of water, but Hotch? 

“I’ve worked with him for years. He doesn’t rush into things without thinking. And he’s made mistakes in the past, and he’s worked hard to fix them. And he loves you. There’s not a doubt in my mind that he loves you and he’d do anything for you. I wouldn’t let you marry him if I didn’t think that, because you deserve the best. 

“Let me?” 

He rolls his eyes, “You know what I mean, and stop trying to redirect the conversation. What this boils down to is. . . you’re scared. You’re getting your, lack for better words, ‘Happily Ever After,’ and you’re waiting for something horrible to happen because that’s the way your life has gone. You’re waiting for him to leave because that’s happened to you so many times. Hotch isn’t going anywhere. I know that for a fact. The same way E=MC². The question is, do you know it?” 

You look at your little brother, who isn’t little at all anymore. Your brother who will never leave you and who loves you and has supported you. In thirty minutes he’s managed to talk you off the cliff and help you make sense out of something that would have taken hours on your own.

Aaron Hotchner loves you. He’s never once called your fears or concerns silly. He’s never belittled you or made you feel small. He’s never left you on your own to deal with something without offering help. Hell, he’d been offering help for days now while trusting you to deal with it at the same time. You love Aaron Hotchner, and yeah that’s scary as hell, but it is so worth the risk. You look down at your pad with your scribbled notes and slowly rip it out of the book and crumple it up. 

Spencer smiles, “Good choice.” 

You lean back in your chair and smile. You feel unburdened for the first time in days. With a smile you ask, “Are you going to  make fun of me if I have a big traditional wedding?” 

“Nope. I’ll even help you plan it.” 

“Really?” 

“Oh Yeah. Now. Let’s get you some coffee, and we can talk about colors.” 

You laugh and gather your things as he swings an arm around your shoulders, “You never said how you found me.” 

“You’re my sister and I’m a trained FBI profiler. It was easy.” 

“You had Penny track my phone, didn’t you?” 

“Like I said: easy.” 

“Ahh, and you’ll tell Aaron I’m okay and I’ll talk with him tonight?” 

He startles at that, “How’d you know he sent me?” 

You smile, “Because he never leaves me to face my demons on my own. He knows me. And I know the two of you. We’re not even married yet, and the two of you are already in kahoots.” 

Your brother just laughs. 

****

When he gets back to the bullpen, Spencer bypasses everyone in favor of Hotch’s office. His boss, and soon to be brother-in-law is pacing in front of his desk and talking to someone on the other line. He knows this can take a while so he makes himself comfy on the couch. 

Hotch stays on the phone for a good ten minutes before hanging up and turning to him, “Is she okay?” 

Spencer smiles, “Yeah. She just got in her own head. To put it simply she thought you’d think you were making a mistake and break things off.” 

“Why would she think that?” 

“I’ll just say we can blame it on Joel and leave it at that.” 

Spencer would be the first to admit he gets satisfaction out of the automatic way Hotch scowls anytime he hears the bastard’s name. “It could also have something to do with the fact that YOU PROPOSED TO MY SISTER WITHOUT A RING!” 

He finds himself standing and closer to Hotch. It feels good to get that off his chest. Of course the way Hotch raises an eyebrow has him taking a step back, but he doesn’t sit back down! “My sister wants the big traditional wedding, and I’m going to make sure she gets it. She should have had a nice traditional proposal too, but you got impulsive!” 

Hotch’s head tilts to the side, “That’s true. But no one said it was too late to fix that.” 

“How do you plan to fix it?” 

“Grab your bag.” 

“Where are we going?” 

He stops short when Hotch shoots him a look and repeats himself, “Grab your bag, Spencer.” 

He blinks a few times. That’s the first time Hotch has ever called him Spencer. Maybe it won’t be so bad having him as a brother?

****

You’re on the couch with a cup of tea and a good book, enjoying what little time remains of your day off, when Aaron comes in. He’s home rather early, it’s only three o’clock. He looks remarkably causal for a work day. And you know for a fact that he had been in a full suit when he left this morning. Now, he’s without his jacket and tie. He leans against the door and stares at you for a few minutes, a small smile on his face. He’s waiting for something, and you know what it is. 

You set your tea and book to the side and open your arms to him. He crosses the room in a few long strides, his body cages yours as his weight settles on top of you. You immediately dig your fingers into his hair and scratch you nails lightly against his scalp while he places kisses on your collar bone. It’s the most comfortable you’ve been in days. 

But you know you need to talk. You also know that your brother has already reported back to him. “You talked with Spencer.” 

“Mhmhmm.” He  murmurs it against your skin, his breath is warm. He lifts his mouth just enough to say, “He has Jack with him. They’re doing some uncle-nephew bonding thing. I told them we’d meet up with them in a little while.” 

“I’m sorry I shut you out.” 

Aaron sighs. His arms slip under you and then he maneuvers you so that you’re laying on top of him. “You got scared. You needed to process. I get it. I get it better than most people. You’re not the only one who has been left behind before.” 

It's a gentle reminder that you’re not alone. He understands what it means to lose people. He knows where you’re coming from. Your fingers grip his shirt, “I can’t lose you, Aaron.” 

His fingers slide through your hair to cradle the base of your skull and leans forward to kiss your forehead. “You’re not going to lose me. You’re it for me. We’re going to grow old together. We’ll be that stereotypical couple who watches their grandkids play from their front porch. We don’t leave.” 

You echo the words, “We don’t leave.” 

“. . . .except when we have to go meet your brother and pick up our son. In the meantime I thought we could maybe start talking about the wedding.” 

“Hmmm. I want big and traditional. I’ve never really had that before I thought a wedding would be the perfect time to try it out.” 

He laughs, “Of course, because weddings aren’t  stressful at all.” 

The two of you lie there for a little while, and ever so slowly, as Aaron rubs a hand up and down your back, you can feel your eyes start to droop. It shouldn’t be a surprise, not when you’ve barely been sleeping. But as you drift off you know in your heart that you’re making the right choice. 

You wake up a while later, to someone placing light kisses on your head. You pout a little, as Aaron rubs at your back, “If you don’t wake up now you won’t sleep tonight and then your sleep schedule will be even more thrown off.” 

“Whatimeisit.” The words run together. 

“Time to pick up Jack. Spencer took him to the bookstore. I told him we’d meet him there.” 

“Fewmoreminutes.” 

“Nope. We need to get going.” You groan, as Aaron lifts the both of you into a sitting position. You stand and head towards the bedroom so you change out of your lounge clothes and back into real clothes. “I also told them we’d take them to dinner.” 

“Ok.” 

You manage to get into an outfit that’s halfway nice and layered. DC in May means a fairly rapid temperature change between day and night. You lean against Aaron as the two of you walk. You’re still not quite awake, and bless him, he stops at a coffee shop to get you some caffeine. Feeling more alert, the two of you take your time getting to the bookstore. You know Spencer and Jack can entertain themselves for quite a while there. 

It’s strangely empty when you step inside. Another World Books is a popular local store and it’s usually packed in the evenings. There’s also no sign of Jack or Spencer anywhere. You’re so focused on looking down the stacks that you don’t notice Aaron flip the sign on the door to closed. 

He gently touches your hip, “Why don’t you check the lounge section and I’ll check the children's section.” 

You smile and kiss his cheek, “Sounds good.” 

You take off with a slight jog and weave in and out of the stacks to get to the back of the store, and then you pause. You suck your bottom lip in and gently bite down at what’s waiting for you there. All over that area, the same area you and Aaron had laid around and read in your first time hanging out has been decorated. There are flowers everywhere, battery operated votives, and pictures; so many pictures. Pictures of you through the years with Spencer, on your own, your friends, at work, with Aaron, with Jack, and with the little family you get to call yours. 

And there, at the center of the coffee table is your favorite book. You look down at the beautifully decorated copy of Pride and Prejudice. You first read it in college. It had been assigned reading and you had been certain you would hate it. Instead you had fallen in love with it. Jack and Aaron and Spencer had sat through the movie as well as the BBC version more than a few times and you tended to come back to it when you needed comfort. You’d been reading your own well worn copy when Aaron had come home tonight. 

You gently pick up the book, and flip through it more than a few verses have been highlighted; one’s you’ve pointed out to Aaron over the years and each one means something to your relationship. 

“What is distance when one has motive.” You remember quoting it to Aaron when he had come home apologizing for missing date night. He had told you his fears of being away too much, and you had quoted these words to him. In the book Elizabeth had said them to her sister to excuse the walking she’d had to do. You had said them to Aaron to let him know you understood his job, and had accepted it a long time ago. 

“There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.” You remember quoting this one to Aaron when Spencer and Emily had been trapped with the cult in Colorado. You had watched in awe as he had scared away the state’s Attorney General. It was then that you knew he’d do anything he could to protect those he cared about. 

“They walked on, without knowing in what direction. There was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects.” Aaron had quoted this one to you. It had been shortly after you and he had started dating. He and Jack had come to your place, and the two of you had been reading while Jack played with legos. He had surprised you with the quote, and quietly admitted that he had read the book because you loved it so dearly and that it had reminded him of the two of you not realizing you were in love with each other. But just like Darcy and Elizabeth the two of you had found your way. 

“There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense.” It’s another quote Aaron had said to you. After a particularly difficult case he had come home, kissed the stuffing out of you and said these words, followed by, “I love you so much, and there is no one I think better of.” It had made your heart sore. 

There are many others, but the last one highlighted isn’t one you’ve said out loud before. You’ve never had a reason to. It comes from Mr. Darcy’s second proposal, and unlike the movie there is no grand declaration. It’s much more subdued but still powerful, “You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.” You find it odd. 

“Mr. Darcy and I both screwed up the first proposal.” You whip around to find Aaron standing there, watching you. “And I know we talked, but if you’re not ready, that’s okay. I just figured he knew how to say it better.” 

You swallow and gently close the book. You clutch it to your chest, “I have never wanted anything more than you and the life we can have together.” 

He smiles, and your heart nearly stops as he glides to one knee and pulls out a box. You smile, and you feel the first tear fall and then another. You swipe at them. You barely hear Aaron say your name, but when he asks the words, “Will you marry me?” you hear those loud and clear. 

And your answer leaves no doubt, “Yes!” 

He surges forward and slips the ring on your finger. It’s gorgeous  (description goes here), and then you kiss him. The tears, happy tears, are still falling and Aaron gently wipes them away with his thumbs before kissing you again. 

When he pulls back you’re a little breathless, he wraps you in a hug, and whispers, “There might be a few people who want to congratulate us.” 

You look at him funny, and he turns the two of you around to find Spencer and Jack standing there. Jack is nearly vibrating with excitement and your baby brother has a huge smile on his face. 

You open your arms and Jack makes a bee-line to you. He hugs you and Aaron at the same time while Spencer wraps his arms around you and whispers, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”