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#how INSANE is it that xl is sqx's first no strings attached friend
deiscension · 10 months
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Isn't it crazy how M.itski's Nobody is a deep dive on SQX's character development.... 'I just want somebody near me / Guess I'm a coward / I just want to feel alright'. 'And I know no one will save me.'
The heartache of realizing you never knew what it was like to be wanted, you didn't even know what it was like to be needed, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway because what you had wasn't yours and you still took it. You still took it and you couldn't give it back even when you tried because you weren't strong enough to say the right name when it mattered the most and you weren't brave or just enough to understand and condemn the one who poured blood all over your hands when he handed you a fate you were undeserving of. And really what does it say about you that you mourn what was despite the fact it never should have been? What does it say about you that even when you had it all there were pieces missing? Of course you'd never turn to resentment. That's not who you are, it never has been. It's not your right either. You'll find a way to die happy but that's not really the same as peace or contentment. Are you allowed to want after you've had? Hard to say.
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