#howl at the moon i'll come for you [GWYNDOLIN/HEL]

[sinnhelmingr]

“You ship what?” // @nodamnstogive

You know what, since it’s taking up roughly 80% of my available brain power rn, let’s discuss Heldolin. Bc it’s a dynamic that has evolved... a lot... across interactions w different blogs and muns. It’s a case of ‘it makes so much sense from a characterization perspective’ with Kleffy’s muse while still having room for Hel to be many things to other takes of this muse.

The first Lin I ever wrote with, who has moved on from roleplaying, had the relationship as strictly platonic. And it was baller, both Lin and Hel were the family outcasts, Hel was the perky and dark femme to that Lin’s savvy and light femme. It was a dynamic I really enjoyed of Hel being something of a confidant and partner in crime to her honorary cousin, especially in trying to be her wingman for Lin. It was fun! I liked it. It really solidified for me that Hel working w Lin had some legs in that au, regardless of who might play Lin given the political nightmare and faction mentality of that setting.

Next was uh. Someone who turned around and blocked me and from hindsight was very toxic. They tried to broach shipping their Lin muse with Hel, and I was like okay, sure, let’s see where it goes. It was... Very possessive and toxic. Lin was very codependent on Hel and yet also refused to really trust her or let her thrive. It was a major plot point that Hel, having had a relationship with Mal’s Arto, sent Lin into a fit because they were not her first. Let that one settle in. The character was punished for having a relationship while her best friend would not make their feelings known. None of this was meant to be framed as dysfunctional or even problematic, but instead a sign of Lin’s love and devotion. It was ugly. Almost put me off the ship concept entirely.

And then Kleffy comes in. Fresh into DS after being a BB stan. Looks at Lin like ‘das a nonbinary lesbean.’ Yes, I nodded, they are whatever you want them to be, the lore is so sketchy about Lin’s gender instead of their sex. So here is this absolute oddball, this stoic ball of neuroses and general weirdo energy, that encapsulates what being Lin might do to someone. Each sneg (snake-leg) got a name. Here was a Lin who stood on her own merits and not just to be with my muse. Hel and Lin were established as friends basically from the word go as small children. Here’s a crossbreed child of the highest ranking god, tender and shy, running around with Death’s exuberant and monstrous eldest child. The opposites attract/childhood best friend energy leapt off our discord threads. We did some plotting, I opened myself up to shipping again, and, well, most of my posts in that verse’s tags are just me screaming about two gay wives. Here’s a healthy, understandable take on the potential dynamic that isn’t me seeing their divorce prior to the third game as an inevitability based on dysfunction, but the actual tragedy of clashing ideals and beliefs that it should have always been.

It’s the kind of ship that canon would eviscerate, but we’re sitting here with two aus where they get to be happy either from the start, with no great cataclysmic world-ending interference, or they find that they still care for one another post-divorce and start bonding all over again after Hel saves Lin from her canonical fate. It’s just really reinvigorated not just my love for Hel and Lin interactions, but the setting in general.

[sinnhelmingr]

In all seriousness, there is a metaphor in all of the Gods abandoning Gwynd*lin, but Hel choosing to stay at her side as companion and at times accomplice. The divine scatter to the winds, leaving a marble tomb for their Lord’s legacy and a girl just as pale to live in the ashes. There’s no life, no true light, and all the company she has anywhere near her level is one of Death’s facets. That her actions and choices in trying to revive the Flame elevates Hel from the role of daughter to Death Herself just furthers this concept that in the most poetic, metaphorical ways, Lin’s story was always going to end in tragedy -- in her death, sealed up in the sepulcher she designed for herself. And Hel will always be the one to walk away, left to mourn for those sacrificed on Gwyn’s altar and cursing his ambition, begging for vengeance that will taste like rust on her tongue.

Unless of course we’re talking about the verse where Hel rides in and saves her former lover, which is part of a larger narrative of going against one’s role and making a different way.

[sinnhelmingr]

inhales

it’s about hel and lin both being damned to take up the same role as their fathers, forced by a situation beyond their control to take up such power by the untimely demise of their lord without agreeing on what that means. it’s about the juxtaposition of tradition vs change, fear vs acceptance, control vs allowance. lin is so intent on becoming an echo of her father where hel simply takes up the mantle and carves her own path with nito’s status. and when it finally came down to duty vs justice, hel pulled away, and the tragedy is that there was no saving the one she loved no matter how loyal she was and how many alternatives she presented. even in a setting where she does save lin from her grim fate, there’s no guarantee the two will ever have what they did before the latter was lost to her desire to see gwyn’s will be done.

the affinity they had as outcasts and lovers could not withstand the personal choices that both made which pulled them apart. sometimes love is not enough. sometimes life gets in the way. and this series is grim and sad and i think that’s a valid narrative.

[sinnhelmingr]

tell me about heldolin possible reconcilliation? // @usedhearts​

rubs my filthy little gay hands together. oh yeah baby talk complicated wlw to me--

So, the groundwork for this hypothetical: Our little AU for 3, where Gwyndolin is saved from her canonical fate by a daring rescue on the part of her ex-wife. The two have been distant for some decades, ranging from cool hostility to open disregard, but with that underlying air of disappointment lacing every interaction. There’s nothing to salvage, but Hel’s not the kind of person that can leave anyone to what was planned, regardless of their interpersonal issues. One fraught road trip through enemy territory until they reach safety later...

Well there’s a lot to work through. First being Lin’s lingering trauma surrounding her captivity. Her we get the first hints of reconciliation in Hel’s refusal to let her deal with it alone. Yes, Gwynevere can help, and yes, her realm is safe and offers whatever support the wayward queen requires, but no one here saw it. No one here understood what the Valley had become. Even if they have lingering disagreements, Hel is the one sleeping on the floor of Lin’s chamber rather than in her own bed, because she can’t stand to think of someone she once cared for dealing with all of this alone. It helps, in some way, because Lin does need someone there and is going through it trying to cope.

Every possible reconciliation attempt proceeds from there. Hel has gone through, well, hell and back to save Lin and is still devoted to making sure she’s safe, but it’s not romantic. It’s honestly just Hel doing what she perceives as the right thing. Whether it helps or not, or her role could be filled by anyone else Lin cared for, it doesn’t matter because she’s the one there. And like it or not, she’s not going anywhere. From this, we have a variety of options but the two I personally see working out are these: 

Lin coming to rely on that, sort of clinging to Hel even if not literally. When not dealing with any official business regarding the ongoing political nightmare, she might drift towards Hel, wherever she is within the palace. 

Alternatively, given the mood of most of their interactions post-divorce, there’s a chance it starts as resentment. That Lin can’t stand to be in her shadow, clinging to her in the daylight when her struggles are easier to bear. 

Either way, the two are at least within physical proximity to one another, given Lin’s mental health and coping skills. Which is, inevitably, going to lead to a lot more run ins with her nephew.

Hel in a lot of ways has come to care for Lothric as if he were her own, because my God someone has to love that kid beyond his brother. Someone has to care about his wellbeing. He’s irreverent and he’s anxious and he’s struggling but determined to keep going, hardly the pious saint of the royal family’s propaganda. His wit is sharp and at times cruel, and he’s unsure about a lot of things but trying to hide that fact. Lin’s going to have to, through watching Hel interact with him, accept that her nephew is in fact more than a sacrifice -- for now. I think it’s Lin showing initiative to defrost ice queen around Lothric is going to start changing Hel’s demeanor towards her as well.

Like that’s not to say Lin changing overnight to team ‘hey yeah let’s not roast a living person with autonomy who never had a chance to live!’ is what it would take. That’d be unrealistic and OOC. I think it’s just. Hel being able to see that Lin can set aside her pride or stubbornness just long enough to get to know her sacrificial lamb as a person, as something more than what the rest of the world makes him by hers and Nev’s design. Lin defrosts to Lothric, Hel defrosts to Lin. It’s equivalent.

I think that would be the tipping point to sort of lessen the feeling of obligation between them. Maybe they can finally start talking again like people who are on at least civil terms, if not outright friendly. In my head it plays a little like their initial childhood interactions where Lin is reticent but observant and Hel is the more daring of them. She leads, and for a time, to a certain degree, Lin follows. And during the course of the narrative, as the latter grows stronger, as she acclimates herself to life outside of a cage, Hel starts to back off more and more. 

Maybe Lin won’t need her so much now, maybe things will go back to normal. And instead, Lin still leaves the door open between them, as it were. Just because she’s no longer so reliant on Hel doesn’t mean she wants her gone. 

Or maybe she tries to keep her distance if she’s still fighting against certain imminent realizations. Maybe she tries to shut the door but finds, as always, Hel has a key and she just. Accepts it over time. It’s her choice whether to come and go, just as she can choose to tell her to leave. 

Another vital step in their potential reconciliation is that it not be built upon reliance or obligation -- now they can see each other as relative equals.

By this point Hel’s been doing everything short of actually saying the words to convey she’s not stopped loving Lin. Even if she doesn’t realize it, there’s no other way people can take her actions. For Lin, I don’t know if it’s that simple but we can talk it out next time you’re online because Christ I’ve been typing this so long the weekend is over and you are back at work. The vibe I get from your Lin is that even if she cares she’s daddy’s girl and stubborn as hell once she’s been hurt. She’s either unsure or unwilling to convey that she’d like to patch things up. Which is valid, she’s been through a lot, there’s so much to work through before she even thinks of romance ever again. She’s especially been through the loss of her daughter, and that bond comes before anything else.

(Sidenote for those who are not privy to our discord lore: Let’s put a pin in the fact that at present Lothric has decided his salvation lies in overriding his mother’s decision to just lock him in the kiln once he’s ‘ready.’ He’s seen how Hel can influence his aunt and said ‘Yes, of course, I have to Parent Trap them into a reconciliation and then Hel will convince Aunt Gwyndolin I deserve to live and Mother won’t have any allies left!’ All the while his primary lackey is just questioning what version of the Parent Trap he saw because that’s not the plot at all-- /j. Anyway there’s three idiots -- two princes and a physician -- out here trying to play matchmaker despite the fact none of them have any romantic experience. This can only end well.)

I feel like the real test is going to be whether distance makes the heart grow fonder. Hel’s got other responsibilities out there, and once assured Lin is in a more stable place, that others will be there for her in a way that helps, she has to take care of them. She has to be with her own people, has to make sure they are safe, keep an eye on the world beyond. She’s gone like a thief in the night, and Lin has to learn how to navigate the world without her, furthering the balancing act between them returning to normal. Hel rode off on her big black horse and no one cna say for sure when she’ll be back. She comes and goes through the kingdom like a storm, staying just long enough to cause problems but gone with the slightest shift in atmosphere. The horse comes back only weeks later. Its rider does not. Instead, perched upon that black stallion is a familiar crossbreed, tattered but hanging in there.

Hel saved her, at the cost of her own freedom. What can Lin possibly think about that?

So it’s a flurry of Lin campaigning for her sister to send a party to save Hel, Nev saying that she can’t do it yet, possibly as she is is too busy with the fracturing of her own kingdom to lend the men. All the same, she forbids Lin from going off and doing something drastic. Tells her younger sister to stay with her daughter and help Yorshka heal. She needs it. Which works bc we have that big dramatic Hel returning to the castle drenched in blood and falling cinematically into Lin’s arms. It’s the drama these wlw deserve. 

And as we know, Lin insists on being Hel’s own caretaker while she recovers. To the point she scrutinizes every move Lothric’s physician makes in checking that the newly returned Death isn’t badly injured. Lothric thinks he stays winning because now Lin’s doing the same ‘demonstrate love but don’t speak it’ bullshit that Hel is so adept at. He’s buying his physician drinks after this despite her protests that alcohol does not sit well with her--

Hel eventually recovers enough from the strenuous battle and escape to start moving around the castle more. She confesses that, despite gossip saying this was some act of passion to show her devotion, she didn’t do this for Lin. She did it because it was the right thing to do, because Yorshka was in danger, and it had nothing to do with her mother. Something that breaks Lin’s shell completely because it proves Hel is still the woman she fell in love with. She didn’t risk her life and return the one Lin loves the most as a hollow token meant to win her heart again, she did it because her conscience has never steered her wrong. 

Now try this one on for size: One day it dawns on Hel that something is missing. She tears up her room seeking it only for Lin to finally be That Bitch and hold out her exes wedding pendant -- one she found that Hel never stopped wearing, if the fact it was still around her throat when Lin stripped her of her bloody dress is any indication. Hel’s been found out. Lin’s about to start asking some serious questions.

And if one of them can finally confess at this point that whether the love stopped or never did they feel it now just as they did before, that’s not the end. That’s not reconciliation. Because the fact remains that they broke up over an act that Hel considered pure evil, when Lin helped decide the ultimate fate of Lothric. Reconciliation is going to depend wholly on how AU we want to go, if Hel and the revived Artorias are able to convince Lin that this is heinous and even if it is what her father would have wanted, it isn’t right, it makes her just as terrible as he was. If Lin can finally see to reason or at least sentiment over legacy and duty, then I can see the pair moving towards actual reconciliation and spending at least the last days of a dying world together and at peace with their ultimate fates. If not... Oof. There might be other ways to make it work once Lothric goes rogue and says he won’t be kindling, if Lin can admit that yes, that means all the cruelty was for nothing and she was wrong (like her sister does), then maybe some slowburn reconciliation could take place.

But ultimately it’s going to depend on both character development on Lin’s part, whether by choice or in spite of resistance, and Hel proving that all the things Lin has accused her of (changing, being untrue, being corrupted by heresies) are untrue. Changing and steadfast characterization in tandem. Barely even friends (after the divorce) then somebody bends unexpectedly--

[sinnhelmingr]

ds: demonization of hel for breaking up with lin bc she refused to NOT sacrifice the lizard child // anonymous 

yeah how dare she value the life of an innocent non-undead literally born to be thrown into the kiln? it’s not like his life is going to be nothing but suffering and she’s seeing the same cycle that lead to her wife becoming Like This about gwyn or anything. she should have shut up and gone with the plan. you know like a good big tiddy goth wife, which lbr is all she would be to half of these people. the other half just want to demonize any woman who dares to have different values than or inconvenience their fav, regardless of her tiddy or goth status.

bonus for people who somehow pin the fall of *rithyll on her absence, as if she would have fared any better against sulyvahn or really made a difference. super double bonus if people want to further demonize hel as somehow manipulative or abusive to lin because she dared to stand up and say ‘this is bullshit, your father’s entire legacy is bullshit,’ while forgetting she only says so to try and convince her wife that she deserves better than a dying flame and a dead man’s manipulations. or if they imply any way that hel was somehow using lin to get ahead and abandoned her for standing up for herself like they... aren’t... the same... rank... societally... as the daughters of lords.

[sinnhelmingr]

if i don’t leave subtle sapphic references to hel wanting only to be by the side of a certain goddess how can you be sure it’s even me behind the keyboard?

[sinnhelmingr]

hel and lin divorcing acrimoniously at least two decades before shit gets real, and yet in the au where no one gets ate, fuck off slug -- hel still comes to take her ex out of enemy territory. which yeah, that’s what anyone with scruples would do, she might still be furious with lin’s choices, but even then the latter doesn’t deserve what was planned for her. it doesn’t mean anything. and of course they keep close to one another, the graves are one of the last allies that lin’s fractured kingdom has, at least until they reach her sister’s domain. you can reason out every shred of 3-ish interaction as teeth-clenched teamwork between two people who have no interest in one another otherwise... but you cannot let hel lie to you and say that it’s all necessity when the woman makes the choice to sleep on the floor by lin’s bed, just because she knows the circumstances have left deep mental scars and she cannot stand to think of lin facing that alone at night.

[sinnhelmingr]

i love childhood friends to lovers for heldolin bc in mainverse it’s just hel being lovely and loving towards lin whatever she is going through until one day lin realizes she wants to do the same for her for the rest of their lives.

and in modern it’s just two kids registering they both have canes and start playing at a swordfight in the bg of their parents having a nice normal conversation. lin announces she has the high ground. hel tells lin to let the hatred flow through her. there was no getting rid of one another at that point, and over fifteen years later they wouldn’t dream of it.

[sinnhelmingr]

‘ with this hand i will lift your sorrows. ‘ from lin // @ryunonendai

A ring of snowdrops, drooping against the twine she works around the offering. Primrose, open wide against the night, are tucked tenderly against camellias that break up the pastel palette of her distraction. With a pair of winterberry stems pressed into the more common flora, she calls her attempt a success, humming as her beloved speaks.

The gardens have fallen into a shadow of their former glory, but then, so has the rest of the city. All that’s left is what could be remade of the fading light. She thinks Gwynevere might weep to see what’s become of her work, how Hel has so butchered her former dominion so that only the hardiest winter blossoms dared to put in an appearance.

She does not want to think of Gwynevere. Twisting the twine into a delicate bow, she looks to Gwyndolin at last, how the stars seem to fall into position around the rays of her crown, how she blends in with the snow around them. The snakes cannot be enjoying this. Hel certainly isn’t enjoying herself.

The air grows colder in the goddess’ shadow, long and lean over Hel’s form. She shifts, feeling pinpricks in her feet from her long vigil. How long has it been, that her bride seek her out? An hour? More?

She remembers a time she might have been sought with more haste. She tells herself not to be bitter. There’s been enough of a slip, if Lin has been able to read her so finely. Or, perhaps, that is to be celebrated, that she step out of her own affairs to remember the other ghost left from the days before Irithyll’s rise.

Her smile opens slow, another blossom in the valley. It can only thrive so long as she puts Gwynevere out of her mind, forgets the ambitions of her bride and her new allies, ignores the whispers between sisters and the words that pass from a mouthless face into the ear of her love. She is alone in the world but for the moon. The illusion is not as strong as it was once before. You’re slipping, she wants to say, and you won’t even give me your hand.

“What sorrows,” she murmurs, “Could I possibly have?” Instead of offering her own touch, she places the bouquet into Gwyndolin’s offered hand. It is lighter than all the things unsaid. The night leans in to hear her silence, and so, she imagines, does some unseen interloper. 

“Come, Lin. I would rather you remove your crown. The night is so lovely -- Do not ruin it.”

[sinnhelmingr]

ways to find out your daughter is blessed with great talent in sorceries: realizing that the child you have been watching for the last hour is actually an illusion, and that your seven year old has been loose without guards, supervision, or a voice of reason for at least as long.

[sinnhelmingr]

hel, pre-3: i’m the queen consort! i am only here because that woman loves to f-- lin: I FORBID YOU FROM FINISHING THAT SENTENCE.

[sinnhelmingr]

also while i might call the character lin ooc just to keep from spamming tags, i would like to point out hel does it ic and is hard-pressed to stop after so long. that’s lin, who she loves and has called such since they were tiny godlings. she probably has to be trained not to call lin by that name in official capacities or during court events because it’s just so deeply ingrained into her head and heart.

[sinnhelmingr]

💔 = Has your muse ever been heartbroken? If so, explain what happened.// @blxiddiau​

Of course. There have been more obvious causes of heartbreak -- Hel has outlived a fair few romantic partners, namely Johanna in her mainverse, and in specific AUs she has a terrible habit of falling for men that were never going to survive their narratives. However, these were relationships where she typically understood the risks and that her partner might not always be there.  Her heart was broken, but at least it was still working, yeah?

I think the instances that break her heart the most are the ones where love is not enough. Where she can love someone and their choices or their role is the catalyst for failure.

This is most prominently seen in her ship with Axem’s Gwyndol*n or Ran’s Outsider. Lin makes choices that so disgust Hel that she has to choose between her millennia-old marriage and her sense of right and wrong, and her morals win out over whatever Lin has become in pursuit of the flame. The Outsider had no choice, but in fixing the world, he was torn from her hands and returned to his ancient, eldritch form -- a situation that also robbed him of his capacity to love. In both cases, she loved her partner with everything she was, and still lost them to machinations that she could not put an end to.

Both of them, in their respective verses, left quite a mark. Hel never had another love after Lin, even as their affection turned to a bitter rivalry. She did eventually learn to love after the Outsider, but it took over two centuries for her to even entertain the thought of another partner.

[sinnhelmingr]

hi, welcome to another round of ‘gwyneira is hel’s most wretched child,’ let’s dive in.

the royal ladies of a certain generation all sitting in a study while a storm lashes the world outside. it's one of those truly great storms that roll into the valley from time to time, seeming intent to drown the land of lords. they're sharing a warm tea, passing the kettle around as needs must. lydia happens to glance out the window at a flash of almighty lightning. stops. sets down her cup and gets closer. whatever is the matter --

'sister, come here. cousin, you too.'

in the driving rain and dark clouds one can only just make out a shifting of white. what is that? another lightning strike. a white linen gown, long unbound black hair, oh Light it's Eira. What is Eira doing out on the battlements? In this weather?!

Before they can move she extends her hand to the sky. Another strike.

Eira is gone. Oh fuck she fell. Cut to the three all running in fear trying to get to an outer door and survey the damage. Blast could have sent her flying clear to the Lower Wards, and if it did, she's--

Pounding on a window. Yorshka gasps. Lydia throws open the window and drags a rattled, soaked, but otherwise intact Eira. Cue an older cousin sort of chewing out. Eira just states she was trying to capture the lightning, figure out how Gwyn commanded it.

CAPTURE THE LIGHTNING?!

gertrude leaps in as the voice of concern as YOU COULD HAVE FALLEN FURTHER! WHAT IF THERE WAS NOTHING TO HOLD FAST TO AS YOU FELL? WHAT IF YOU DIED GWYNEIRA?

'then i die?’

wrong answer. all three are huddled there alternating chewing eira out or being eira and simply explaining the scientific method of fucking around and finding out with the elements. one parts foolhardy from grandfather a, two parts fatally curious from grandfather b, no parts self-preserving like grandfather c.

yorshka finally just 'cousins. sister. cousins. sister... good evening uncle artorias.' the others freeze.

artorias looks over the three standing there before an open window in a storm, getting soaked, and soaking the hall...

[sinnhelmingr]

Heldolin // anonymous

Pro: I mean, it was always coming to this, wasn’t it? Their first friend, first confidant, first love, what can be more perfect than this? It’s a sentiment that came on so gradually I can see both of them claiming they’ve always been in love, it just took them a while to realize it. They understand one another as more than outsiders, more than what remains of a golden age, simply as women with dreams and ambitions and desires beyond legacy and crowns. They encourage one another perfectly, and know how much they need one another. If soulmates exist, there’s a strong case to be made for that being what exists between them. Con: They know each other well enough to know what the other finds unforgivable, what they hate the most. They cross those lines all the same, because this world doesn’t really allow for beautiful things to last. Even those that found themselves in the ashes lose one another in the coming dark. They’re going to break apart, with only brief glimpses of one another until something final gives. Even allowing for our ‘We Don’t Bury Our Lesbians’ mainverse, there’s still the disagreements and the divorce.