#i actually like jonah magnus like i know hes a bastard but you cannot expect me not to like the funniest bitch in this podcast

[charterandbarter]

I have seen some TMA/TAZ crossovers floating around (thank you @inkedinserendipity btw). I have never seen a TAZ but uh that eye imagery! If y’all will permit I would like to throw in my own two, angsts cents hahaha man I need sleep.

MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOTH PODCASTS AHEAD

Alright, premise time:

What if that Hunger was all the Entities fused together? What if John was replaced by Jon & Jonah?

let’s say tma post canon is a bit like this: jon and martin make their way to the panopticon. jonah magnus is there, the heart of the world like the bastard he is. You have the key who opened the Door, and the bitch who twisted it into the lock. In the ensuing confrontation, jon opens the door again, drags every Entity kicking and screaming into its maw, and locks it for good with him on the other side.

But the thing is, he doesn’t go alone.

What’s an Archive without an Archivist? What use is a living chronicle of fear if there’s no beating, squishy, pitifully human heart to experience it? The Entities are always hungry, and as much as Jon’s performed beautifully before the Change, he’s sorta not the right,,,flavor of fear the Entities need. Getting the sum of human suffering shoved into your head can put a damper on the little terrors, yknow.

(so many jons. Jonny sims why must you do this to me)

ANYWAY! I will insert a readmore later maybe, when it is not 2am in my timezone & my brain allows! Apologies for you mobile people.

SPOILER WARNING FOR TMA AND TAZ: BALANCE

There’s two people who could fill the “squishy fear generation machine” role by the time Jon and Martin make it to the Panopticon. And Martin’s just made friends with the personification of backdoors.

Jon gets to say goodbye before Martin and Helen go. Maybe he has time to let Martin Know all the infinite ways he loves him. It still hurts.

Jon and Jonah fall through the door. The Entities swallow them whole.

it’s not really like Jekyll and Hyde, nor is it like Jon and Daisy trapped in the Buried. It’s just...hatred. Hatred, self-loathing, despair, and the regret of a thousand hopes shattered to stardust. By the time Jon and Jonah go through the door Jon’s compiled quite the Archive, but even all that suffering has a limit. When the stories finally run dry, they turn on themselves, on their only remaining humans left, until the difference between jon and jonah and the fears is nothing but so much churning stomach acid. A feedback loop of misery.

They cannot die. They can’t remember why. There is only yawning dread, and the desperate desire to fill it.

Martin Blackwood‘s plane is safe, of course. The Door will stay shut. But not every world has that luxury.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. They were supposed to get more time.

(how does it feel, Jonah Magnus, to be the Archivist? How does it feel to Know that the suffering of millions, including your own, is all your fault? how does it feel to remember the years of gaslighting, abuse, manipulation, and coercion that you inflicted, just because you were afraid of something as small as Death? how does it feel to hate yourself? how does it feel to commune with your fucking god?)

they tear through worlds and yank at the reins that keep them together, even as the two people holding those reins scream in mutually shared/felt agony. It’s hell, and it goes on forever.

When it comes time to play chess, it is Elias standing before Merle in a crisp, black suit. When Merle asks if the Hunger is his friend, it is Jon’s voice that chuckles before answering. And when They call existence horrible, who’s to say which person is actually talking anymore?

(As Merle dies, They notice the blossoms in Merle’s beard look like chamomile flowers. Something deep inside Them aches. It’s been a long time since They’ve had a cup of tea).

(I’ve only heard Merle Highchurch speak once, but in that one time he said life was about the joy you choose before insulting an elder god to his face. This man has Martin Blackwood/Absolute King™ energy don’t change my mind)

“Kiss my ass, you sanctimonious bastard.” Merle Highchurch says.

“Huh,” For a moment, a shiny burn scar glows through the fire licking Their hand, “I feel sad.”

Merle dies. The ache grows.

(For Them--The Archive, The Archivist, Jon--Merle is an anchor. For Jonah—and he Knows, now, he was Jonah Magnus, former king of the world—Merle’s a warning eons too late.)

I don’t know enough about taz balance to work out the rest of the details, unfortunately. I do know the image of Hunger!Jonah Magnus (no longer bound to Jon after an Arms Outstretched 2.0 moment) getting FUCKED UP by the Tres Horny Boyz delights me.

Really, though, Hunger!Jonah can enjoy his immortality trapped in Lucretia’s barrier-bubble-thing like the blind goldfish he is. But by the deities above and below Jon and Merle sitting on the beach looking out into the sunset is near and dear to my heart.

Perhaps it would be appropriate if Jon dissolved into the waves. There are worse ways to die than with a friend at your side and memories of chamomile tea. I’m sure Jon would think it’s more than he deserves, and yeah TMA is a tragedy so maybe it does fit the bittersweet but cathartic ending we’re expecting in canon.

However, I am a] a sap, and b] of the mind that if you can pick, learning to live well is better than hoping to die well. So here’s an alternative for my fellow saps:

When the dust settles, there’s one more refugee that the Bureau takes in. He’s pretty skinny even for a human, and his scars are weird as fuck, but hey everyone in the world just went through a multiplanar apocalypse so who are they to judge? He’s quick. Quiet. Has a strange accent, and loves to read. Maybe Angus Mcdonald likes him. If so, then he can’t be that bad.

(The moonbase libraries aren’t anything like the Archives. Jon can’t tell if that’s good or bad yet, but he has time to figure it out. It’s...nice, to read something for fun again.)

It takes a long while to grow from a level 1 to a level 17 caster, but Jon has time. He can--not recover, exactly, but settle into himself. Learn how to be, without being of use.

Does Jon become an Aberrant Mind!sorcerer with eyes that still inspire paranoia? Or a Conjuration Wizard that can summon tape recorders? Who the fuck knows. He certainly doesn’t! What a blessing—he doesn’t Know!

Jonathan Sims made it out alive. With enough work, perhaps he won’t regret it.

(Maybe this world has therapists. There’s a bone lady shooting fireworks floating around, surely a therapist won’t call him crazy if he tells them the truth, right?)

tl;dr: let Jon get adopted by the Tres Horny Boyz at the end of Story & Song while Jonah Magnus dissolves into seafoam, please. One day Jon brings Martin to the taz!plane via permanent Gate spell so they can have a kickass honeymoon on the literal moon. Martin brings a dog. The base goes bonkers. Everyone is crying. Let the survivors of the tma!plane LARP their DnD dreams.