#i also jsut. don’t want to hurt. my monkey brain has this survival instinct to avoid hardcore pain
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alright. i’m about to explain my reasons as to why i’ve been completely off-grid to people who have done nothing but be kind and understanding to me
#online diary#the more i stall the more it hurts me!! and the more it hurts them!!#shame is the predominant feeling. it’s what’s keeping me from opening up#fear comes second. i keep thinking what their reaction would be… well guess what#IT’S NOT WITHIN MY CONTROLLLL those are THEIR feelings not mine#i have to allow them to feel. whatever that may be.#plus i dug a hole so deep now i deem it necessary to tell my friends about my autism 👍🏻#i also jsut. don’t want to hurt. my monkey brain has this survival instinct to avoid hardcore pain#unless it’s uhh self-inflicted i guess LMAOOOOO#how do i tell them it’s autistic burnout without sounding like an ass#bc i feel like if i told them they’ll call it complete bull. but it is what it is!!!#okay yeah i’ll figure it out along the way. for now i’ll be brave
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