#i am . a child already in my senior level bachelors classes. i do not know if i am ready to be even more of a Child

[un-pearable]

oogh… the perfectly convenient mix of archae and GIS….. yet i would have to move….. augh

[a-very-fond-farewell]

The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 18/?

University AU: “Negative Space”

[ok so, self projection is a bitch, but I am petty to myself on a regular basis so it’s ok]

[title is from the Japanese concept “ma”, which Wikipedia describes as:

“a Japanese word which can be roughly translated as ‘gap’, ‘space’, ‘pause’ or ‘the space between two structural parts.’ In traditional Japanese arts and culture, ma is more carefully defined as the suggestion of an interval. It is best described as a consciousness of a sense of place, with the ‘intervals’ suggested often being more than simple gaps, instead focusing on the intention of a negative space in an art piece.

Ma is not necessarily an art concept created by compositional elements, such as the literal existence of a negative space. Instead, the intention is often to create the perception of an interval in the viewer experiencing the elements forming an art piece, making maless reliant on the existence of a gap, and more closely related to the perceived experience of a gap.

Ma has also been described as ‘an emptiness full of possibilities, like a promise yet to be fulfilled’, and as ‘the silence between the notes which make the music’.”

Fun fact: “ma” also means “but” in Italian, which is what usually follows whatever intrusive thought may plague my mind. Eg: “I may be useless now, BUT just you wait until I get some dopamine to get me through this shitty times.”]

*

Wei Ying never asked for much in his life. He’s content with cleaning classrooms and toilets and nobody can beat him at wiping the marble floors if he works hard enough. Granny Wen, his supervisor, is slightly impressed with his ability to make the wood shine for ages to come. His nephew Jin Ling sometimes comes to check on him when he’s done with senior classes or cram school in the evening, and together they sit down and listen to whatever his older friends in music production came up with during the day. Jiang Cheng occasionally would ask him to keep him company while he grades papers and they bitch about ZiXuan and his inability to dote on their sister. The cafeteria ladies are always nice to him and they give him extra congee because they worry for his questionable consumption of spice products.

He’s fine, really.

So why can’t he stop wandering over to the science building these days? Looking for a clean board to use, for an equation to finally solve? Even if in the end he just takes the chalk in hand and simply stares down at the inky surface in front of him, unable to write. His mind working on a software too advanced for the hardware that constitutes his brain.

Thirteen years. It has been already thirteen years and yet it feels like yesterday, or like it never happened at all. Like it has yet to be. Time blindness is a bitch to deal with, yet dyscalculia and ADHD makes a joke out of you when you love math on a visceral level... but you burned too bright too fast and now you function on no data and with an even shittier signal. Having a burnout at 23 should have taught him humility instead of pride, but Wei Ying has always worked out of spite and certain habits are difficult to forget.

Couldn’t put the number in the right order, switching digits left and right since he was young? Fine. Numbers were concepts anyway, entire civilizations working their magic without even knowing what “zero” stood for. A brain steaming with a million ideas per second? Good. New connections brimming with ideas he could use to better the world.

It worked fine until he let himself down. Until he became a useless empty lighter, a wet match tossed out, carbon monoxide in the air.

Dropped out before finishing his very ambitious, highly dangerous for his psyche, thesis project. Aunt Yu never forgave him for that, not after paying for his advanced classes, not after trusting Uncle Jiang and supporting him despite his many flaws. What good is being first of your class every year, poster child of a teaching system done right, graduating bachelor at 21, if you can’t finish your master at 23 and get your PhD at 25 and start teaching by 27 and drive yourself insane in the process?

Wei Ying dropped out and didn’t finish his master, didn’t enroll in the teaching program, and let everyone down. His Uncle and Aunt looking down on him, whether out of pity or shame. Jiang Cheng may have been the one leaving him behind, but he used to be the one saying “you should have tried harder”. YanLi worrying over him when she should have focused on her career first. Jin Ling growing up with stories of his uncle “not being worth the money put into his education”, taught to not disappoint and make his family proud. The Jin side, that is.

And now the kid comes crawling in defeat to him instead of Jiang Cheng after bombing a test in high school. And they chat of what he would like to do and how much he likes sports and how much he despises the idea of getting a scholarship for that and being called stupid or something by his classmates. And he cries when he thinks Wei Ying cannot see him as he leaves the campus late at night.

Wei Ying didn’t even want to solve that impossible theorem he fixated on in his early twenties. His thesis project was inconsequential in the great scheme of things and his professor only wanted him to be his one trick pony in the end. No. Wei Ying wanted to teach math in elementary school, hell... even in kindergarten. He wanted to change the approach to the subject. Because numbers cannot be taught like language is and there are many ways to teach how to sum up digits and divide quantities and there are no rules on how to make sense of space either.

But how can he teach when even time eludes his senses?

Something that nobody can define, but certainly most perceive as linear... but not him. Not since his brain fried up in his attempt to function like a normal human being.

After thirteen years nothing has changed.

Until one day he hears something else aside from his usual intrusive thoughts and burdensome memories. A melody so quiet he almost mistakes it for the wind, coming from the music building.

He walks slowly, night surrounding him like the embrace of a friend as he makes his way to the traditional musical instruments room. The one where Jin Ling’s friends meet sometimes as they wait for the younger boy to join them. Wei Ying holds his breath as he spies through the gap of the door left ajar, neon light slicing his face like moonbeams as he peeks in and recognizes Jin Ling’s friends and another figure sitting on the ground, guqin on their knees.

But before he can lean in and breathe in the vibrant sounds all around, the door opens and music theory Professor Lan finds Wei Ying clutching his mop for dear life.

They said the man could see colors within the notes, that he despises language outside of his class or office and that only his brother, the history of art TA, could convince him to talk every now and then.

If numbers were created to measure space, Wei Ying firmly believed music had been invented to make sense of time and count its seconds in rhythm and notes, pauses and beats. Yet, time seems to stretch to a stop as the janitor focuses all of his attention on professor Lan’s stern face and his heart quickens its pace.

Wei Ying takes a rushed breath and dives right in with a weird sense of hope pumping in his veins. A small, timid voice whispering that life is not made to be atoned, but to move on and grow.

One step at a time.

“I’m Wei Ying, Professor Lan. May I listen while you play?”

Yes, maybe it will be enough just to let time flow at its pace.

Whatever rhythm that may be.

*

[some hcs down below]

WWX does not magically solve the math theorem. he may or may not help kids figure out how to use numbers on the long run tho. no, he will still work as a janitor and there’s nothing wrong with that.

yes, LWJ is autistic and stimms and finds WWX’s honesty soothing. yes, you can add your hcs on the matter. he has synesthesia, but more on the grapheme-color side of the deal than anything else and he sees certain letters/numbers/notes in different colors. people think he can see colors in music, but they misunderstood and thought he could recognize different hues while listening to music instead of reading it.

JC has grown since his uni years and doesn’t resent WWX anymore. he teaches astrophysics as a TA and doesn’t pressure his brother to pick his studies up anymore. WWX has mixed feelings about this: he feels he’s a lost cause, to the point not even his brother spurs him to best himself anymore, but he is grateful for the patience anyway.

LXC is the official LWJ translator of the campus along with their cousins SiZhui and JinGyi. he bonds with WWX and JC over how tired they are, seldom staring at flies roaming above them in the cafeteria bc none of them can even move. he lives on caffeine and regrets, but he’s getting better as he develops a love for his plant babies and tries to not let them die on a daily basis.

Wen Ning and Wen Qing are little overachievers and adrenaline junkies, hence their competitive streak on their way to their third master degree just for funsies. they scare people with how driven they are, but the juniors love them.

NMJ is the one to go to if you need to get away with murder, but JGY will actually be the one helping you dispose of the body. the fact that they both work in criminal law is somewhat both reassuring and disquieting. they hate each other and yet cannot stop hang out, they are close to 40 and need the rivalry to keep going anyway. nothing beats a good nemesis. not even sex. maybe.

NHS has failed his entrance exam to become a nurse too many times to count, but he is determined to see the end of it. even if he could potentially work in the family business, but he doesn’t know anything about managing an empire of bricks and he doesn’t care. if NMJ could run away, well, so can he.

MianMian is Wei Ying’s bestie and has the biggest crush on JGY’s sister A-Su the kindergarten teacher, but since they are childhood besties she doesn’t know how to approach her. she is Jin Ling’s idol and a certified boxer and refers to herself as a useless bisexual. Wei Ying boxes with her sometimes, she always win.

YanLi is an equestrian mum, but in the best way possible: she coaches children for shows and teaches them horses should be loved and feared equally and that if you want to shoot arrows from a running horse you should always, ALWAYS let go of the stirrups the moment the beast gets too unhinged to ride. JC fears her, WWX is only glad she didn’t train police dogs for a living.

ZiXuan actually loves his wife, but WWX and JC question his career choices and the fact that he’s a retired lawyer spending his family fortune while he’s a stay-at-home dad and does all the housework. WWX and JC believe he should give their sister a better life and work his ass off to deserve her, but he does make amazing rice cakes and keeps up with Jin Ling’s studies and is very supportive of his dreams.

A-Qing and Song Lan are siblings and sometimes bring JC food from the campus cafeteria where they both work at, while Xiao XingChen and his carer Xue Yang work with LXC for a project on accessibility for visually impaired visitors of the local museum. JC and LXC work to make Song Lan and Xiao XingChen fall for each other, but the youngsters are too protective to let them play matchmaker so easily.

[this is all for now. please, if you want, add your own headcanons!]

[aquarianlights]

Congrats on your school bby👏🏼👏🏼❤️ I wish I was good at school but I just can't concentrate or like even get myself to study. I know you're dealing with a lot outside of that,so how do you do it like how do you get yourself to study and actually concentrate and do so well??

Actually, tbh, I’ve never studied even once in my entire life. Because. . .well. . .I don’t know how to study. No one has ever taught me how to study. So I’m at a loss on studying. So I just don’t do it. Plus, all the stuff I’ve taken classes on so far is literally nothing more than common sense. High school was all common sense, all the courses for my AA degree have been common sense. So, albeit Idk HOW to study, I really don’t need to. Coz it’s all in my brain already. The only subject I’m bad at is math. And that’s because I have dyscalculia, meaning I have a learning disorder in math. But even that I don’t study for. I just sort of wing it on the tests and pass with a C or B, which is awfully low for me. I’m accustomed to getting A’s in all my classes and on all my assignments without any effort applied, so. . .it’s kinda startling when I get a C or a B. ._.

Anyways. . .how do I focus? Well. . .let’s just describe this situation as I have the complete opposite of ADHD/ADD. I have this crazy ability to hyper-focus on anything I choose. Doesn’t matter what it is. I can focus on things sooooooo easily. It’s like I’m unable to NOT focus. My focus is so heightened and concentrated that it doesn’t matter what the subject is. . .I can focus on it with great ease. I’m lucky in that way.

So, really, all I have to do is pay attention in class (or, in my most recent classes that have all been online, just read and watch everything required) and then I can literally do any assignment they ask me to immediately after paying attention. I was in the IB program in high school so I kind of HAD to have that kind of focusing ability.

All that. . .and I have always been really good at school. Lack of motivation is the only thing that stands in my way sometimes. So. . .honestly, I either get an A on the assignment, or I get a 0 for not turning it in. There really isn’t an inbetween for me. I tested into the IB program during high school. And the classes that weren’t offered at the IB level. . .I was forced to take AP classes instead. Coz the IB system was new then and our school was one of the first to test out the IB system. So I took IB and AP everything.

Plus, I LOVEEEEEE to learn. I mean, learning is one thing that excites me. So school is for me. I’ve always been really good at school because it’s all common sense. But. . .when I get into my core veterinary medicine classes, I’m probably going to be absolutely lost because none of that is common sense and I will actually have to LEARN something new which. . .I’ve never done before up to this point. So I’m SOMEHOW going to have to learn how to study. . .Idk how I’m gonna get through it without knowing how to study. ._. I’m definitely going to try, though. Maybe I won’t need to study if I just really pay attention in class and get some hands on practice. Rrrrgh.

Albeit I’m really good at school and am very book smart, I have NO common sense and I can’t do anything domestic. I literally almost burned my apartment in Jax down because I put something in the toaster oven that wasn’t supposed to be in there (apparently) and like. . .it caught on fire and I was calling my roommates and they were all high and didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about so I just fucking sprayed it with water and that just made everything WORSE. I was panicking like crazy so I googled how to take care of it and luckily, after taking a quick scan of the pages, I figured out I had to smother it. I mean. . .ugh. I’ve also put a packet of unopened fudge in brownies because it never said to open the packet. Haha. I’m common sense stupid. Like really. I may have a very high IQ, but I’m very literally retarded (I don’t use that word lightly) when it comes to common sense.

So I mean. . .there’s always a trade off. I bet you have wonderful common sense. c: And I bet you know how to make a bed. I’m 25 and I still can’t make a bed on my own. So uh. . .be grateful for things like that. Coz my only strength in life is my book smarts. x.x I don’t have any other useful traits. Lol. You probably have a LOT more useful traits than I do. Lmao. So, really, be thankful for the things you have. You may not be great at school, but I bet you’re really smart in other areas of life. c:

Also, that paper I got a 100 on? I’m a writer. Writing is what I do. I’ve never gotten anything less than a 100 on a paper. In high school, I got awards for my writing and I almost got a book published in 5th grade. . .but I never finished it. I never finish anything. :/ I have a hard time sticking to things because literally everything grabs my attention and then next thing I know, I’m like 15 pages deep into reading about black holes. Lmao. I got a perfect score on my state essay test and my high school teacher still uses my essays as examples for the class coz I was the best writer she’s ever had. I’m very proud of that.

I also got an opportunity in my first year of high school to go overseas and study because I had such good grades and was so smart. I never got to go because we didn’t have enough money to send me. So I missed out on that. And this isn’t really relevant but I’ve been a first chair clarinetist my whole life. Even my first year of college, I won 1st chair with my audition. I also have tons of awards for music and I have music scholarships. I was also in all-state band in my senior year of high school. I got to play with the best of the best in the state. It was AMAZING. But my school had to take us out of it early because there was a blizzard coming. It really sucked that we had to leave. I was having the time of my fucking life. . .playing with people who were actually serious about music and were really good at their instruments. As opposed to playing with a high school band made up of people who didn’t really care. I’ve played in all sorts of bands. Symphonic, Concert, Jazz, Marching, etc. I also did a lot of extra curriculars. I took tap dancing, Irish step dancing, ballet, horseback riding, piano lessons, clarinet lessons. . .just so many things. I barely had any free time as a child. 

I was also in a private catholic school from pre-k to 8th grade and it was a very difficult school to get into but I tested in. And the classes were extremely advanced. We were studying high school and college level material in middle school. So. . .I think that may have given me a jump start on being good at school. And our band was state-renowned so we got to play at Disney one time. . .and they shut down the whole park after that so that it was literally just us in the band in the park and we got to do anything we wanted. There were no lines anywhere. . .we just got free roam of the park and got to go on any ride we wanted. It was fucking amazing. The highlight of my musical career was in my first semester in college. We got to play the whole score to Star Trek: Into Darkness. And I was first chair so I got all the solos. It was absolutely amazing. Being a trekky like I am, that became the highlight of my career as a musician because I had never had so much fun playing a piece in my entire life. And I was section captain in Marching Band.

I also did a lot of other things in high school. I was secretary of the Art Club, Vice President of Foreign Language club, secretary of our music club, I was an editor and columnist for the school newspaper, envirothon, I was on the debate team for a while, and I ran track for a year. I also started my own environmental club that I was Captain of. We went out and cleaned up the roads and I gave speeches at rally’s about recycling and green options.

Needless to say, I was in the town newspaper a lot for my accomplishments. Lol. I was very involved in high school. . .and now I’ve had a solid 4.0 for the past few semesters and my GPA has never dropped below a 3.5 in my entire college career. So. . .there’s that, too.

Ahhh, I’m just really proud of my accomplishments. Haha. I did so much in high school in order to get into a good college and I’ve spent my college years trying harder to get into a good university. Idk where I’m going to start my bachelors program, though. I’m not stopping in school until I get a Ph.D. That’s been my dream since I was very little was to get a Ph.D. I’m never giving up on it.

BUT I’M ON A TANGENT. SO SORRY.

I hope that explains at least a little to help with your question. ;A; Sorry I go off topic a lot. Lol.

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE CONGRATS! n_n That made me smile. :3