#i am a simple woman i see museum heist i fall in love

[mllebabushkat]

☀️ Warrior Nun S2E3 🌙

ok lesgo ok lesgo oklesgo oklesgo oklesgoklesg

First min in and- !!!

"damn it to hell" then the Immediate sign of the cross HAHAHAHAHAHAA ICONIC

also bea actually Forgetting something?/ inconceivable-

ps i love whenever alba's portugese pronunciation shines through 🤩

pps i LOVE!!!! that Thing ava does whwenver she's with bea

where she holds her hands behind her back and rocks back and forth it's so cUTE PLEASE 🥺🥺🥺aaaaaa ykwim right

it's so innocent and adorable u don't get it i CANNOT HANDLE UGH

they are already giving off SUCH golden retriever gf + cool calm collected cat gf energy 🥰

lil shoutout to the thug-detecting scene that was neat

vincent el bastARDO >:((( ok fine the divinium tattoos are pretty cool

yessss ava's ✨cap reverse✨moment

ready to deck a bitch!!!!!

her combat has grown so much i am proud (as is bea i'm sure) :D

that tranq gun takedown was *mwah* perfect

"ava?" "!hi!" shit they're too cute <3

woozy bea is adorable~~~

hahahahaha the way cam yanks the two of them in

reunion scene yay my heart is a little fuller now <333333333

rip yasmine being reduced to a narrative dump character :")

burning question: how did duretti know?????? abt the adriel mole??

but oMG MUSEUM HEIST MUSEUM HEIST MUSEUM HEI-

i am vibrating off my chair yesss the montage

YESSSSS the grey habits they look SO CUTEEEEEE costumes dept still on point :D

particularly cam this is such a Look for her

that deliberate snake tempting eve painting backdrop? is that foreSHADOWING i spy?? :)

good lil cam + bea exchange i need more pls (again, valid points from both ends)

"god why have you forsaken me" wait wait what is this

bea's crisis of faith?

i need answers

"just a little theatre" excuse me duretti that was full on fucking torture lmao

good for him lol idm a lil iron maiden threatening

for me he's a meh guy with mostly the right idea but on the good side yknow, sorta the opposite of a likeable antagonist hahaha

NVM burning question answered if the zealots are leaving their tattoos uncovered willy nilly no wonder he found out,, can't cure stupidity ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

rip jillian she just wants to science gotta respect that lol

oh and bring her son home (nitpick: that's a weirdass photo lmfao)

but wtaf was that face in the footage uhh

in other news

MUSEUM HEIST MUSEUM HEIST MUSEUM HEIST MU-

helpless old nun!mother superion hahahaha

getaway driver!yasmine hahahaha

okk yasmine development cmon, valid reaction but glad she came in :D

also whose necklace did she get???? mary's????????

oh no cam's horror sequence 😭😭

btw loving the return of the tactical outfits :)) and ava's slicked back short hair is 👌👌👌👌👌

OH SHIT the crown oh shit vincent OH NO OH N

lilith???????

goddam cliffhanger

ANYWAY

NEXT-

[dark-brohood]

A Heist With Yip and Markiplier Chapter One

It was supposed to be simple. There was a plan, one they would follow to the letter. But something was interfering with the Heist, and Yip didn't know what it was. But they felt like they had seen Mark before, in this setting, in this time, and there was no way for them to leave.

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Yes, I am out of my writing funk. And yes, it's because of the brilliance that is A Heist With Markiplier. I just love it so much, I had to write a fic about it. So, here you are, a product of my imagination.

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Read on AO3

Maybe I’ve gotten some of Mark’s flair for the dramatic, Yip thought to themself as they hid in the leaves outside the museum, dressed in dark clothes and a grappling gun in their hand. They waited as a security guard passed, slapping his flashlight as it turned off and on, whistling to himself. When he passed, Yip hurtled the small retaining wall that ran around teh garden, and ran to the wall outside the museum.

Digging inside their pack, they pulled out a grappling hook and pushed it into the gun, looking around to make sure no other guards were around. They held the gun up high, aimed, and fired.

A second later, they were pulled up by the grappling hook, pulling them onto a balcony. They put the grappling hook into their bag and snuck to the vent not far from where they landed. They pulled off the cover and for once was glad for their small body, otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to fit into the small space.

They shimmied through the ventilation system, following the route Mark laid out for them, his map (drawn in crayon) memorised in their head.

They were also glad they were given gymnastics lessons when they were a kid, as the fall from the ventilation system to the walkway would have hurt anyone else. But that’s why Mark made them go that way.

They wondered, for a second, where he was as they stood up and looked around the museum. And then they heard a scream and a crash, and Mark fell onto the walkway showered in glass. Yip blinked in surprise, not thinking that he would actually crash through the window like they had proposed.

But he looked mostly unharmed.

“All right, we’re in,”‌ he said, readjusting his bag at his waist. “You know the plan, right?” He let out a single chuckle. “What am I saying?‌ You practically wrote it. Everything you need is in your bag, so let’s synchronise our watches on three.” Yip looked at the watch on their wrist and hovered their finger over the button. “Three! Perfect. Now, stick to the plan and you’ll be just fine. But if you deviate from it for even a single moment,”‌ he said, his tone getting darker with each word as he pulled a grappling gun out of his bag, “I won’t come back for you.”

A grin erupted on his face and his tone became significantly lighter. “Okay?‌ Good luck!” He fired the grappling gun, and he rose out of view.

It was strange, as Yip reached into their bag and pulled out a cooked steak. They don’t really remember the plan, or planning it at all. Or why there was a steak involved. They stood up, and behind them someone called out, “Hey!”

They turned around, steak in hand, to see a security guard approaching them with his gun drawn. “What do you think you’re doing?”‌ Then he spotted the steak, and Yip spotted Mark hiding in a potted plant. How did he get there so fast?

“Oh, no!” the guard said, pointing his gun at the steak. “Not the old steak trick. I’m not falling for that twice.” Yip lowered the steak as Mark started moving the potted plant, and Yip didn’t know what exactly he was doing. The guard nodded. “Yeah, put the steak down. I’m not even going to look at the steak. I’m looking at you right in the eyes.” He glanced over at the steak, and he conceded. “I looked at the steak.”

Mark snuck up behind him, still in the potted plant, and put the guard in a choke hold. After a couple seconds he went unconscious, and fell to the floor.

They turned around, and they were in a kind of gallery. Mark was in front of them, walking backwards. “Nicely done, Yip. All according to plan. And speaking of plan,” he said, crouching down next to an exhibit contained in a glass container, pulling the plan out of his bag and looking at it.

It didn’t look like a normal plan. First off, it was drawn in crayon. And it looked more like a flow chart than anything else. And Yip had the strange feeling that they had seen it before, but also that this was the first time they were seeing it. Like they had felt as soon as they had stepped foot in the museum. Everything was familiar, and yet unfamiliar at the same time.

“Looks like we are, uh, eh, yeah. We’re moving on to phase two.”‌ He folded the plan up and stuffed it back in his bag. “Are you ready?”

Yip nodded.

“On my go.”‌ He looked down at his watch. “Go!”

Ever the dramatic, he rolled around the other side of the display case, stood up, and did cartwheels across the room, and Yip could faintly hear heist music play in their head. He rounded the next display case and pointed at the entrance into the room. “Behind you. Behind you.”

Yip moved to the next display case over, hiding behind the white base as the whistling guard entered the room.

“He tracks the intruder,”‌ the guard said, like he was playing out a fantasy where he was a guard in the middle of a heist (which he was, he just didn’t know it), “quiet as a ninja suppressing a fart in church.”

Yip was glad they couldn’t laugh properly, them being mute and all, because what the hell is that analogy? They’d never heard it before, and why was a ninja in church anyway?

The guard let out two laughs as he padded across the room.‌ “There she is. Three-legged woman, got you now. Oh, this?‌ It’s just my gun. You’re safe with me, ma’am.”

Yip looked down to see a baseball on the floor at their feet, and after wondering for a split second how long it had been there, they picked it up and threw it out of the room, through the entrance the guard had come in.

The guard screamed, and drew his gun. “I mean, who’s there?” He ran back across the room, and out of it. “Come back!”

They turned around to look at Mark, and found themself in another exhibit, this one with what looked like laundry in the middle of it. They blinked at the sudden change of scenery.

Mark was on the other side of the room, and poked his body out from behind a display case. He put up his thumbs at him. “Great job, buddy. I’ll meet  you over there.”

He ducked back behind the display case, then jumped out and landed on his face. Yip watched as he somehow slid across the floor with seemingly no way for him to move, disappearing behind another display case and then flipping to the next display case.

“All right,”‌ he said, leading the way out of the room. “We’re almost to the vault. Come on. Stay low and stay quiet.”

Yip looked over their shoulder to make sure there was no one following them, and turned back around to find herself in the main gallery, near the vault, Mark leading the way onto a giant chessboard set up for kids to play with.

“Come on, this way,”‌ Mark said, picking up a white bishop. “We’re almost there.‌ Checkmate.”‌ He placed it down in front of one of the black pawns, and Yip wanted to tell him that that’s not how you play chess. “Okay. Oh, I‌ can almost taste it.”

Something beeped, and the vault door opened. Mark pulled Yip behind a pillar, and they watched together as two guards came out of the vault.

“You wanna know my favourite thing about this vault?” the first guard said, turning and stopping in front of one of the two green pads that were on either side of the door.

“Go on.”

“You need two keys.”

The second guard went to the second pad. “One for you, one for me.”

“Okay, here we go.”

They grabbed the keys in the pads. “Ready?‌ One, two, three.”

“Security!”‌ they said at the same time, one of them fist bumping the air.

They pulled the keys out of the pads and separated, going two different directions. Mark and Yip went around the pillar to make sure they weren’t seen by the guards.

“Oh, crap. Oh, crap,” Mark muttered when the guards had left the room. He led the way to the vault door. “This wasn’t in the plans. There are two keys for this vault. We need to get them from those guards or any guards that are moderately less competent than those.” He pulled his grappling gun from his bag. “Why don’t you go back the way we came and why don’t I have a little bit of a chat with that guard over there. Be back in a flash.”

He shot the gun, and he rose up to the walkway above them.

Yip turned around and started looking around for a guard they could steal a key from when they heard a clang and a a scream, and turned around just in time to see Mark fall onto a pile of boxes. He climbed out of them and grinned at Yip, unharmed.

“Be back in a flash.” He gave them finger guns, and left.

It was a second later that, after Yip turned around, they heard loud snarling and saw a large shadow of a snout in a circle of light projected onto the wall. Fear went through their veins, and they took a step back in fear.

Then they looked down and saw a dog wearing a security uniform, a set of keys to the vault hanging off the side of the vest. Yip pulled the piece of steak out of their bag and gave it to the dog, grabbing the keys as they did so. As soon as the keys were off the vest, the meat in her mouth, the dog ran off deeper into the museum.

There was another crack and scream, and Yip turned around to see Mark falling from the walkway above them again. They just gave him a look as he climbed out of them, wielding a of key. Yip held up the one they got from the dog.

“Oh, you got a key,”‌ he said. He held up his key and grinned. “I got one, too. Come on. I think these are what we need to get in that vault.”

They made their way to the vault, standing on each side of it, and inserted the keys.

“Oh, this is it. You ready? Now on three. One–”

Yip turned the key, causing it to buzz.

Mark gave them a look. “What the hell? Ah, whatever.” He turned his key, and the double doors of the vault shuddered.

“After you,”‌ Mark said, who was too busy being very gleeful at the moment.

Yip was also very excited. They’d been planning this heist for years. (They think. They still haven’t figured that out.)

They pushed the doors open, and their eyes widened with excitement and wonder as they entered the vault. It was comically large for holding only a single thing on a podium, glass around it. Yip stared at the box encased in glass with a grin on their face as Mark passed her and pulled a glass cutter out of his bag.

“Oh, this is it. This is really it.”

He placed the cutter on the glass, and made a circle with it. Then he pulled the glass off the podium, exposing the ancient box to the air.

Yip moved their hands, signing words they knew he would understand: The glass wasn’t connected to the podium?

He nodded, throwing the glass box over his shoulder. It crashed against the wall and shattered on the ground.

Honestly, Yip was surprised no guards had found them yet. They were being everything but quiet.

“This is what we’ve been working towards all those years,”‌ he said, looking at them. (So it had been years.) “It’s finally ours.”

He grasped it carefully, a look of ecstasy on his face as he pulled it off the podium. As he did, it seemed to… glitch, was the word that best described it. Three other boxes, transparent and buggy, jumped out of it. One blue, one red, one green. Only for a second, and then it was normal, like it hadn’t even happened. And Mark didn’t act like he noticed it, though he wasn’t exactly looking at it.

“This is gonna change our lives forever.”

(Yip knew, somehow, that those were the truest words he’d ever said.)

The alarms inside the vault started blaring, and Mark jumped slightly.

“Ah, crap. Um, it’s fine. Uh, this is why we plan.” He put the box inside his bag. “Oh! Okay, I see two ways out of here. There just so happens to be a sewer that runs directly beneath this vault.”

Yip looked over at where he motioned to, and there was, in fact, a sewer grate set into the floor a metre away from them. They wondered when that got there, as they didn’t see it when they entered the vault. (Looking back it hadn’t, but they wouldn’t know that for a while.)

“I suppose we could’ve gone in that way, but that doesn’t matter. We could either go through the sewer all sneaky like, or,”‌ he said, reaching into his bag, “we could go out guns blazing.”

He pulled a flintlock pistol and a lit bomb out of the bag. Yip didn’t even wanna know.

“Yeah, I‌ found these bad boys in the pirate exhibit on the way over here, but we gotta choose fast. I think they’re on their way, and they’re not gonna be friendly when we’re in here with the box and the bomb and gun. So, either one’s good. Sewer will probably work all quiet like, but, you know, I like a little action. But stealth is good, too.”

Yip signed, and a grin spread across his face.