#i am exhausted and broken and so is sungwoon

[springblush]

pls unfollow me if you’re happy abt wanna one’s disbandment

[danielxrk]

✞* i’d give up gravity to feel ╯

                                                                                                  ⊰ ◝ @rkxsungwoon ⊱  

in short: daniel’s life is falling apart. in length: empty enigma’s show on friday was indeed their final one, with both kenta and woojin following through on signing their contracts. part of daniel still has hope of something, but he just doesn’t know how to name it anymore, and knows in his heart that there isn’t any chance of his former semblance of normalcy anymore. right now, it is just woojin in sphere, kenta in nova, sungwoon in japan, and daniel and minhyun left to their own devices with nothing but each other and empty enigma in shambles. himself aside, he feels the worst for minhyun, and his essentially-three-month journey as reign ending so prematurely when they had intentions for so much greater. 

every day, daniel wrestles with his happiness that woojin and kenta are pursuing new paths and new dreams they feel are better for them, and his regret of bringing empty enigma onto the mgas. it was supposed to benefit the band, not put it to death, but he should’ve known, as soon as they claimed they weren’t just in it for album promotion that this was a possibility. he just thought the others meant it as the same lie that he did. he tries not to blame them, and he tries not to blame sungwoon for flying out to japan the day after they signed their contracts, like this wasn’t something they might be better off facing together. 

at least daniel feels closer to minhyun now, even though he wishes he had better to say to comfort him, too. minhyun is probably better at the whole responsible, reliable, calm under pressure thing than any of them, but minhyun is no sungwoon.

daniel spent most of the mgas holding back his feelings for sungwoon, waiting for the day when it was all over and he could finally tell him properly, because 1 am laying face down on his couch following his elimination didn’t count, probably. even if it did, he felt like he owed him better-- he owed sungwoon so many i love you’s for the way he made him wait for even a hint of one. he almost told him during preparations for skills week, because as soon as sungwoon performed last of the real ones he just knew, even sitting in front of joohyun, even with all of his previous doubts, suddenly, no room for it anymore. absolute and utter certainty, even if fear remained-- even if some still does. he just knew, and he told sungwoon he would say it as soon as he did, but the mgas were special circumstances that required focus he narrowly didn’t allow himself to disrupt. 

he did tell him during trios week, time passing like years on the mgas to the point that when he did, it felt like he knew for years, and like it was easy, all reservations broken down by exhaustion and the overwhelming sensation of missing him that he felt to his core. something undeniable he had no energy or desire to deny anymore, said effortlessly, likely swept away by a sungwoon that thought he meant it as something different, or didn’t really. maybe it’s daniel now that owes him an i want to try again; i’m in love with you.

he almost told him last minute, before he left sunday morning, a mirror of when he told him he liked him as more than a friend the day before mga auditions. he almost told him in the hallway on their way out, and in the car on the way to the airport, and when he hugged him in the terminal-- almost kissed him all of those times, too. he spent all sunday thinking about it, but held it in again. waiting until he got home would be better, the confession he deserved, a proper one, but he still told him he loved him on video call that night, when they were hanging up, in a bye sungwoon, have fun, i love you! that sungwoon reciprocated but daniel was sure he didn’t know the true meaning of.

monday night it was sungwoon’s that came with weight, but drunk off his ass, as sungwoon’s sincerity often does: “i love you...wish you were here with me,” and daniel said me too, and more they never would’ve been able to say with sungwoon sober, daniel with more persistent honesty than ever, but no expectation that sungwoon would remember any of it. 

he doesn’t have expectations, but when he picks up sungwoon’s video call tuesday night (wednesday morning, technically), he’s curious. he lays on his stomach in his bed, propping up his phone with both of his hands when sungwoon appears. he smiles at him, and chirps a happy “hi!” always excited to see him because as embarrassing as it is to admit, he always misses him the whole day. that nagging curiosity sticks, and it becomes evident that it isn’t going to go away, so he decides to get it out of the way early, while he has the chance: “do you remember anything that happened last night?” but he says it with a smile, edging on teasing.