#i am not sure where the idea that ed's denial of self stems from izzy and not the actual childhood trauma we see onscreen comes from

[treesofgreen]

Hot take from someone who grew up in an abusive, violent home with a mother that found her own refuge in religion and thought she was saving her children's souls if not their minds and bodies when she was actually holding our heads under water: Ed has been consciously and subconsciously denying his desires his whole life not to please Izzy, or to conform to "Toxic Masculinity", but for his mother.

I think not enough weight is given to just how badly a well-intentioned parent can fuck you up for life, especially when they are the safe one, the better one, the one who is hurting you the least in the moment, the one you feel you need to protect even though you are the child.

Ed's mother tells him earnestly, sincerely, kindly that fine things aren't for them. Aren't for him. God says so. And when someone speaks that way about God? God comes first. Over themselves, over you. And you should know your place, never forget your place. Who are you to argue with god? Who are you to argue with your mother's faith in god even - especially - when you don't believe it yourself? How can you take what consoles her away? How can you ever be free of her faith when it was so important to her and she whispered it to you so sweetly it made itself a home in your bones, entwined with your father's violence?

And you'd love nothing more than to scrape it all out and give into your yearnings but that would be a rejection of your mother, who suffered so much (your own suffering does not matter, then or now - it does, but that's what you tell yourself whenever you think of your mother).

Ed has spent a lifetime locking parts of himself away in a little bitty box because of his childhood trauma. Stede has the key.