#i am so.......... tired......... of being miserable all the time lol pls @ god give me ONE good week

[gumdecay]

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[jean----ralphio]

IT’S BoB LIVEBLOG TIME

Episode 1 is under the cut!

Warning, I swear a lot... and am very in love with RSJ so a lot of this was just me pointing at the screen and screaming RICH and then remembering you can’t see me so writing it down...

Episode 1: Curahee! Curaahhee? Curraahhee? I can’t spell so I’m renaming it Ross is a punk bitch

Buckle up my babies, this will be a carcrash!

00:01 Here we fucking go aw yis

00:11 Aw who’s this? I wish they named the gentlemen at the start of the episodes, I wanna know who is who :s

00:25 Shifty, is that you my angel son?

00:41 OMG you guys… these men are breaking my heart </3

01:06 Lord, men were committing suicide because they couldn’t go to fight? That mentality… man. Oh my God, you angels. Babies.

01:36 No jokes allowed, every man is <3

01:40 Now that I’m humbled and we’re all well and truly miserable…the credits, ugh, my heart. The score is amaziiiing. Some of the footage is actual war-time footage, I read, which is a brilliant touch.

02:01 DICK <3

02:13 DICK’S HUSBAND <3

02:18 RSJ’S NAAAAAME

02:27 JFC this music makes me so emotional. Look there’s Matthew Settle’s face. That makes me emotional too

02:48 Ah it’s Roe <3

03:48 I’m trying to pick them all out in the line-up but I can’t tell who is who. Are we supposed to be able to? There’s a short one in the middle, is that Harry?

03:49 I’m not drunk enough to handle this

04:10 Upottery? Ah it’s so English I love it. That’s not a name! Wtf is up with English place-names, you guys have the weirdest names. Upottery? Seriously? Is it only potters that live there? I’m so confused

04:22 Close up of Roe! Perfect. I approve.

04:32 Is that the guy from Line of Duty? I think it is

04:39 Lip <3

04:44 Ew. GTFO Cobb. He doesn’t even go here

04:47 IS THAT RICH? RICH. ILY. ILY RICH. Please note that 94% of this will be a Rich-watch

04:53 Lieb stop. I am sure you are not a certified hairdresser

04:56 RICH. SMOKING. SMOKING RICH. More like smoking hot do you see what I did there?

05:20 I can categorically say that I love Joe Toye. I do. I love him. But every time I see Kirk Acevedo, all I think of is Charlie my baby from Fringe (awesome show, please watch it). And I just. Charlieee <3

05:39 Aw. They’re so sad

05:55 They’re so despondent. Guys. It’s fine

06:05 Fassy?? FASSY!!

06:18 God Damien is pretty

06:25 Nix that’s not how you flirt

06:57 Lol at Dick noting its happy hour. Thinking about taking Nix on a date, are we? I bet you are. Now THAT is how you flirt!

07:24 OMG the fucking flirting! GUYS. “And give up all this?” NIX SAYS AS HE CHECKS HIM OUT

07:37 Yeah, Nix, you’ll take him ‘to Chicago’ huh? Is that what they call it nowadays.

07:44 Do you want to be that cigarette? ‘Cos there is nothing heterosexual about that lingering look, Dick

08:18 ‘Murica time

08:25 Ross, fuck off. Nice jacket though. “You PEOPLE are at the position of attention” ugh GTFO. Dick’s sideye tho lol

08:52 NGL Ross does a great job at being super unlikeable

09:05 Noooo you don’t want it with Johnny Martin. You wont win. Yeah, walk away Ross

09:15 Careful around Lip too, or Speirs will materialize out of thin air and snap your neck

09:33 RICH. Don’t be scared of that douchebag, baby

09:43 What kind of question is that, there is nothing Lieb wants more!

09:50 It’s weird hearing Ross swear tho

10:26 Don’t argue with Johnny, baby. Also Roe OMG <3 Shane is freaking fit

10:43 Wow Lip is ripped

10:48 Oh no, poor baby. Lip leave him be ☹ </3

11:10 LOL I just noticed the drum by the door. It says ‘butts’ and it took me a seconds to realise it was for cigarettes. I am an adult (31-year-old married woman). I’ll laugh at the word butts if I want.

11:11 RICH

11:18 Lieb omg lol

11:39 RICH BABY NO! FUCK OFF ROSS! LEAVE HIM ALONE OR I WILL HAVE SPEIRS CUT YOU

11:52 I can’t take Ross seriously in those shorts. Hi-ho GTFO

12:07 Ew fuck off running up that, I’d just nope out like nah babe imma go chill with that sweet baby back in the butts cabin

12:18 Aw Dick <3 The juxtaposition of Dick as a leader compared to Sobel who sure he might be honing them into something formidable and skilled but he’s an asshole. He’s not a leader. He’s a bullying, abusive scumbag. Dick is an actual leader who protects them and supports them and encourages them and IHAVEALOTOFFEELINGSOK

12:43 You don’t deserve that sick jacket, Ross. Seriously. That is a boss jacket, I want it

13:04 Have they not stopped fucking working out all this time? Ugh

13:23 Oh good, Dick gets a boss jacket too. He deserves it.

13:30 I wish people had to ask me for permission to speak.

13:53 I just. He. I can’t with Dick Winters, you guys. I cannot. I have lost the ability to can. Like they’re so upset and tired and low and just with that little joke he boosts their morale back up from where Sobel fucking beat it down into the mud and makes everything lighter and they laugh and are less tense and I just. Fucking love you, Dick.

14:00 Is that my angel son? I see you Shifty, love you baby

14:03 RICH. DON’T TOUCH MY RICH.

14:07 Oh my God, address them yourself you weirdo, Ross. They’re right there, you’re right there! I had a colleague that used to do the same, would get me to speak to my employees for her when they were right there in front of her like… ‘can you tell x to do y for me pls…’ … I was like wtf you know you CAN talk to them… you won’t catch poor just by speaking to people lower down the pecking order

14:22 Fassy! Wtf they’re not supposed to drink? Dehydration is legit one of the most dangerous things, how tf can you turn them into high-key supersoldiers if they’re dehydrated? How is this man so dumb? The guy in front of Fassy tho omg. I bet Fassy’s boss wife Alicia Vikander won’t like her husband being treated that way… she’s so badass tho right?

14:26 He’s so dramatic! Ugh

15:11 Piss off omg

15:24 oh my DVD flipped its shit here, only picked back up at 16:30 don’t @ me

16:52 RICH WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO YOU RICH

17:21 Shifty my angel son

17:46 so sweet

18:04 Sink, babe, no he is the worst, stop

18:20 LOL no, he’s jel as fuck babe

18:32 NO FUN ALLOWED. Im sorry, that tie is so ugly

18:44 Simon Pegg??!!

18:51 Ross is so dramatic God shut up. it’s not a conspiracy, weirdo

19:10 “It’s a can of peaces, sir.” Iconic.

19:11 Dick’s tiny smile is equally iconic.

19:17 SHUT UP ROSS

19:44 He wants to be punched, I think, like he’s goading them. The sick fuck.

20:47 DON’T TRUST HIM, DICK!

21:02 ROE <3

21:31 Hoobler, aw <3

21:37 I warned you not to trust him, boys

21:54 Ah boys, oh no

22:04 RICH. Kick him, baby

22:17 Bull, punch him, seriously

22:24 Oh Luz <3

22:26 Yeah GTFO, suck it, bitch

23:06 Who is this? Fella’s hot

23:40 RICH. FASSY. WEB. TAB.

24:19 Suck it, Ross

24:30 Real footage?

24:41 Lol you suck Ross

25:23 RICH. SMOKING RICH.

25:26 Bill omg

25:45 Perco, baby, no. don’t talk to Johnny Martin. Don’t look at Johnny Martin. Don’t so much as think about Johnny Martin. He will fuck you up with his gaze alone, baby

25:56 Ah Luz

26:06 OK. That’s hot. Joe/Charlie don’t be hot. It confuses me

26:42 Winnix being husbands in the corner

27:42 YOU’RE in the wrong position, dumbass, it’s no one else’s fault

27:46 Dick’s come to save the day

27:56 Ross knows nothing omg

28:05 RICH. Even my Rich is confused, Ross, you dweeb

28:20 Lol at Dick dropping down ready for a fight

28:36 Fassy isn’t happy. That means Alicia Vikander is coming for you. Joe/Charlie is definitely not happy. Lip is upset. Think about your life, Ross, think about your choices. You know you’ve failed when Roe is judging you

28:57 Nix is like lol where tf is the alcohol tho

28:59 Harry! Harry is here! But yes, baby, you’re interrupting the husband’s foreplay, leave immediately

30:00 Lol at the Nix vs Ross staredown. Nix won

30:17 RICH. GUYS IT’S RICH

30:33 Do it, Lieb. Drop the grenade. Just don’t upset my angel son Shifty

30:40 He is a literal angel. Don’t corrupt him Lieb

30:59 Nix is having another crack at flirting. “Going my way” so suave omg. Omg stop. No wait don’t

31:09 “I’m not the intelligence officer.” Neither is Nix half the time babe let’s be fair

31:14 “If I told you I’d have to kill you.” Nix is getting better at flirting! He’s been attending flirting 101 classes it seems

31:40 They’re legit such husbands prove me wrong

32:00 He’s not joking, Dick

32:06 Harry’s like oh yay yes please

32:11 Lol Nix

33:03 Ugh. Men. I feel like that hold smells so bad.

33:09 RICH. Naw, Rich is sad he’s missing out on the flamingos.

33:32 Joe/Charlie you deserve a day to commemorate you tbh. I love you.

33:46 “My brother’s in North Africa, he says it’s hot.” Bill is iconic.

34:34 Lieb, honey, don’t, please

34:49 I feel you, random hot guy. Tipper?

35:05 Eyyy this place is nice, let’s all move there.

35:17 Shifty, my angel son, my baby <3

35:26 Yay, Harry gets a boss jacket too!

36:22 Mum and Dad of Easy. I’m low-key living for Lip’s little worried faces.

36:33 THAT JACKET IS SICK AS FUCK I WANT 20

36:38 The fence is there, Ross, because you’re so fucking dumb

36:51 Guys, look, cows

37:06 He’s fucking useless. Hi Simon Pegg.

37:22 RICH

37:25 This whole scene gives me life and waters my crop

37:31 RICH <3. YOU GUYS. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. RICH RICH RICCCCHHHH

37:42 Poor Tip is so done

37:58 Simon Pegg is so confused

38:04 Good job, Tipper, I’m proud of you and your pretty face

38:10 Iconic

38:15 Keep it together Tip

38:54 The hand signals, no, I’d be like BABY. WHAT. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU WTF. I’d last like a millisecond in the military lmao. Does my country even have one? Tbh probably not. Us Kiwis are too chill, cbf’ed with anything. Too busy watching rugby, drinking, and sulking that we can’t afford houses cos our housing market is fucked. But at least we beat Covid *shrugs*

39:06 ILY, old guy. You are the best thing in this episode, aside from Rich

39:22 But wait, there’s more weird Americans hopping out yo’ bushes

39:26 “Bloody hell!” Mood

39:47 “You’ve done it now, yanks, you’ve captured me!” He is such a mood. I love him.

39:54 FUCK OFF ROSS. “Would that be the enemy?” “As a matter of fact, yes.” DICK IS SO VALID I LOVE HIM THIS IS ICONIC.

40:25 Be free, moo-cows

40:40 LAMO GET WRECKED

41:00 Guys imma be straight with you. I’m on my third whiskey lmao.

41:10 Simon Pegg, please refrain from being a douchebag. Leave Dick and his husband to flirt in peace.

41:23 I love how Nix is like instantly suspicious. He knows.

41:39 Worried husband

41:45 “Misspelled court-marital.” Iconic

42:14 Ross, why you lying? So threatened and jel that you gotta lie omg.

42:50 God Damien is freaking hot. Guys.

42:57 Punk bitch Ross.

43:22 Dick is so BDE. It’s fucking hot.

43:30 Ross is shooketh tbh. Punk bitch.

43:36 AH! IT IS HIM! THE GUY FROM LINE OF DUTY S5!

43:50 That underbite must have hurt FJH a lot omg so committed.

44:02 Hey Lip <3

44:09 Johnny Martin has absolute BDE

44:22 God they’re willing to be killed just to not follow Ross. Same tbh.

44:57 This whole scene is BDE.

46:00 But Sink has the most BDE let’s be honest

46:44 The respect for Dick. Even after what they just went through. I AM EMOTIONAL.

46:58 He’s so worried like omg what have my troublesome sons done now

47:09 ROSS WHY YOU ALWAYS LYING??

48:09 Weak

48:24 Yeah, fuck off back to ‘Murica

48:34 Legit, can we acknowledge Ross did a great job (the actor). Really really well done, one of the best performances on the series tbh.

49:48 LMAO GET WRECKED PUNK BITCH

50:06 Dick just wanders about a lot on his own, huh?

50:50 What? What? I understand nothing of what the cockney guy is saying.

50:55 Me too, Hoob, the fuck.

51:00 RICH I SAW YOU

52:19 “Never put yourself in a position where you can take from these men.” Don’t omg I can’t, Dick, I’m weak, I can’t deal with these fucking feelings.

52:36 DAFUQ

52:40 OHHHH I get it. Right. Dick, you’re so smart. It’s a little sad they have to do all that just to get some answers and guidance but tbh it’s probably fair? Gotta be top secret so punk bitches like Ross can’t screw things up.

53:30 Hey Nix. Speak French to me any day.

53:48 Unf.

54:08 LMAO Lieb, how many cigarettes do you need!

54:10 NGL I paused here for a little while.

55:05 We could ALL use some brass knuckles, Joe/Charlie. Mood.

55:25 LOL Lieb is so nosy.

56:15 Oh no

57:00 Luz LMAO

57:10 Oh babies

57:13 Bill LMAO that’s not ice cream, yuck it looks like soup

57:28 God. All that effort. Not just logistically but emotionally, mentally, psychologically, to prepare, just to have it put off. Fuck.

57:38 That movie again. Poor boys.

57:47 That’s actually a really smart move, Johnny.

58:41 Oh no. I would lose it completely. Oh Bill </3

59:11 Naw, Dick dawdling around again

59:49 RICH I SEE YOU

1:00:08 AAAHHHH IT’S TOO CONFRONTING DON’T

1:00:48 NOOO I CAN’T aw Bill

1:01:09 Naww

1:01:16 RIIIIICH

1:01:20 It’s like they’re kiddies on a field trip and Dick is the teacher wrangling them lol

1:01:47 Lol their crap is so heavy Dick has to help pull them up. That’s actually really sweet.

1:01:51 I wish I could hold Rich’s hand

1:02:08 Oh God. I can’t. Like he’s helping them up BUT IT’S ALSO HIS WAY OF SAYING GOOD LUCK AND GOODBYE AND HAVING LIKE A MOMENT TO CONNECT WITH EACH OF THEM I CAN’T LIKE THE EYE CONTACT NO DICK STOP

1:02:19 LMAO at them having to shove each other into the plane

1:02:23 That look between him and Roe. Ugh. Like. You two gotta take care of your boys together. Brotp

1:03:22 Can someone explain the block on that guy’s helmet to me?

1:03:55 I’m sad. And scared. This series is so confronting. I’ve watched in annually since I was like 16 and I’m still so nervous for them.

1:05:37 Rich, I see you! I recognized his chin lmao

1:06:16 God, Dick be careful

1:10:00 This show. The feels. Every time.

[giiiiiieeeeeea]

R e a l i z a t i o n

hey tumblr, I'm back again. Since the first post wasn't successfully posted i decided to write again but this time, allow me to put my realization out of my chest, the realization to all the things that's happening in my life. U know what, i realized now that there's no problem at all. The mere thought that ppl around me didn't do harm things to me and that they are actually good, i am in this point who has a defect. I make things complicated. I make things hard. And i make things more miserable. AND I DON'T KNOW BUT I AM GOOD AT IT. My heart don't want to accept that i am nothing at all- people who i used to think that would give a damn care and time to think abt me, care abt me, love me as i love them weren't the same and the fact that... i don't matter to them. I make myself hard to believe that i am just a...... friend. A casual friend. A friend who u can see at the canto. A friend who don't matter. And a friend who's unimportant. A friends who is a true definition of useless and trash. I make myself hard to believe being the person that dream about will fall into this thing. I am now a psycho. I live my life to believe that i am not what i am in reality. I am living in a fantasy life. My friends don't need me and that reality hurts me really hard. I am just a normal friends to them. It hurts me so bad. I expect that i am special.(lol) I expect that I am a friend who they can be proud of. And i make myself fall in love to this foolish mindset that I am the only friend who can make them feel happy but it isn't the reality. I fooled my dear self. I fooled my pretty poor self. All this time, I realized that maybe they are not wrong. Maybe I am the who need to check myself. Maybe i am the one who need to figure things out and discover where i am wrong. Maybe i really need space to grow and to understand things more so that to fully understand the real world and that real world is equal to the fact that i am just a normal human being. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe I am enough to them but i am not enough to myself. Maybe, Maybe. I ruined the reputation of someome else to others and play the role of a victim which infact a total 360 degree opposite of Me in this dull story. I make myself important. I make myself the starring in my own story. I am just so sorry. I sinned a lot and i need to repent. I need to change this trait of me. I need to accept the reality that this is the real situation. I need to let go of my insecurities. I needed to change. Several times I prayed that this day would come and through this I hope God is watching me and listening to my rants, my opinion and especially to understand my feelings. I want to change this kind of me cause I AM VERY T O X I C. I need to pray and talk to God but i have no guts. I need time to think ALL OF THIS. I badly need to realize and sink all of this. I need to meditate. I need to go somewhere and find myself. I want to cry right now because i am tired of pretending that i am important yet i am not. I am tired of waiting for somene to talk to me or even just say hi to me but there's no one. My friends were used to promise and fall me to their sweet talks and promises but times like this, they are unseen. What i heard earlier about forgiveness gives a big impact on me. No, I don't need to forgive someone because they never do bad things to me, or hurt me or make me feel bad to anyone. Instead, i need to forgive myself for being so desperate of crowning myself as the most important, faithful, good and loyal friend of all time! Self, I am sorry but you really need to face this truth and live on it. It will be though cause you are used to seeing yourself being on high and putting mask of pretention. Daydreaming that people will please you is probably the most worst and disgusting dream ever! ugh. I really need to pray. Would like to say sorry to me friends who i showed rudeness and disrespect. Sorry to all of those. It was honestly the seed of putting myself to the top that lead to a point that i can't bow down myself and see where i belong. Hayyyy sorry talaga.. Now, i need a break. I badly need to fix this before it's too late. Sorry to all the people who are victim of all my mess pls don't listen and believe me huhu. Jah, I am sooo sorry. I will be new someday. Huhu sorrry talaga. Allow me to pay you back. You guys are too good for me. wait for me.... 

[gayminho]

very long and disorganized exordium in newark 170425 fanaccount bich

im mostly doing this so i dont forget anything so its VERY VERY MESSY AND RAMBLING ITS 3:30AM AND I FEEL LIKE DEATH

- we queued starting at 10am and the line was already super long and it started Pouring and then people stampeded to the front for no reason and it was really disorganized and we were delayed for another half hour in the fucking freezing cold rain PLUS wind bc of a Technical Issue so 0/10 for my music taste tbh find a different promoter

- we got right side of the stage extension 

- i IMMEDIATELY cried when we got inside like full on sobbing bc it was a long-ass miserable day literally the worst queueing experience of my life and i was going to see Exo

- EXO?!?????!?!?!?

- ok first during all the vcrs and video things everybody screamed really loudly for yixing whenever he showed up :o) which was really sweet and i miss him

- and exo look like...... exactly how they look in pictures and videos which is SCARY LIKE THEY ARE LITERALLY THAT PERFECT i couldnt believe it for a while

- minseok is................. Very Beautiful like god.... he is my Mother. and super cute and enthusiastic and he was near us for a lot of the time so i went apeshit 10/10

- suho god i rag on him a lot but he really tries his best he tried to do all his ments in english and did a great job and was being an embarrassing dad as always like telling us to be careful (so my sister and i yelled THANKS DAD) and he mentioned birdman being his favorite movie which is just. Dad

- baekhyun i didnt pay attention to very much lol but he was loud and energetic like always AND he tried to do the water bottle flipping thing a couple times and we were yelling BAEKHYUN STOP

- jongdae UMMMMM pictures dont do him justice like he is... rly surprisingly handsome in person lol and he was glowing... and kept yelling obv but yeah wow i love him 

- chanyeol i swear to fucking god WHAT DO I EVEN SAY HE IS A FUCKING DOOFUS AND I LOVE HIM THANKS and i saw way too much of his arm... like pls..... i am a simple man........ and he was being dumb rolling around on the floor and pretending to throw his cap into the audience and playing “bowling” with water bottles but i love him 😖💖😖💖😖💖

- kyungsoo.... is very round and peachy looking in person its kind of startling but hes cute and talked about how he fucking went to moma and saw sleep no more on his day off like what kinda art hoe... and said he hasnt gotten much sleep bc he’s jetlagged but he seemed to be joking around with the other members and did that heart smile a lot which was nice to see 

- as always i worried about jongin he was bent over tired during a ment and talked about getting medicine the previous day but said “american pharmacies are very big. cvs. the pills are big too. hard to swallow” and mentioned getting pizza and shoes also 

- sehun i didnt pay much attention to either but he did pick up 2 vivi plushes towards the end so there was that

- just in general they are all glowing so dont believe the whitewashing fansites 😤

- and suho mentioned they’ve “prepared” a new album and want to come back next time with their new songs so NBSCNND

- the fucking chansoo. ok. kyungsoo forgetting to give his mic to chanyeol during love love love and smiling at him it was so.. tender... and i couldnt see the part where chanyeol gave him a ring but CHANSOO ENGAGED CONFIRMED 

- and then the xiuchen like Um. i knew that party vcr was coming but i still lost my shit when jongdae fed minseok... and they came over to our side during girl x friend and jongdae touched minseoks lower back and i died and went to heaven so... 

- songwise they cut some stuff out though im not sure if it was because of stage or time restrictions... but they hit us with white noise playboy and artificial love all in a row which are some of my all time favorite exo songs so i died again

- even though they seemed tired they are Good live... kings

- idk what else to say im tired i can add to this later probably but wow yeah i cried again right after it ended........ my life peaked tbh

- i love exo what the fuck

- sorry if u were in line and i didnt get to say hi to u god it was crazy i didnt want to leave my spot :(

- ASK ME ANYTHING I GUESS LOL advice or just random stuff idk